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Friday, December 24th, 2004
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7:32 am
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i'm being weird. i'm trying hard to comment more on other peoples' journals. why? could it be that i just want people to know that somebody is listening to/reading/thinking about what they write? too romantic but partly true. is it because i have nothing to do. i guess.. oh crap nevermind.
came from my cousin's wedding. dami kong nakuhang pictures. really nice place. but a garden wedding in antipolo is mondo cold!
just realized how much i hate my avatar/usericon. masyadong pa-cute.
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| Thursday, December 23rd, 2004
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9:53 am
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i've been missing so many parties. that's pretty normal. but i've been missing so many parties i want to go to.
malas. i won't be able to go to the thing on the 30th.
it's funny. ever since i learned about this eye thing, i've been more conscious about it and it becomes more of a problem. really eternal sunshine of the spotless mind...
destiny only affirms the axiom of cause and effect.
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| Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
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9:02 am
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great. banlag pala ako. i came from the opthalmologist. my left eye moves to the left whenever i focus too long. (nobody ever told me!!!)
i need an operation
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| Saturday, December 18th, 2004
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9:44 am
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I miss the a-boys terribly.
totoo..
kaso I don't know why i chose to go with my block yesterday.
we did pretty stupid things actually. first we started with the obstacle course that included getting flour in your nose to find a piece of candy, going round and round a chair, and dancing walang sabit. then i had to break the pot full of candies. then it was time to eat and make sushi (which took too long). then we sang with the magic microphone. then we played pictionary.
pretty stupid. but fun.
sometimes the presence of many people actually helps some of us hide
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| Wednesday, December 15th, 2004
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7:52 pm
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oo nga pala... i got the hardbound 2005 ateneo planner from the OAA!!! so happy
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7:40 pm
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I absolutely love cinema paradiso. it is my kind of movie. story of somebody's childhood. (wish list) somebody give me this in DVD. kasama na siya sa a beautiful mind.
my thoughts on oedipus rex. akala ko, biggest sin ni oedipus ay na mayabang siya. (take away the gods/destiny factor) the reason why it is fortold that he is going to fuck up is because even if he is just and good and prudent, he still has the capability of fucking up. and he does. so at this point, i think that all the story is trying to say is that man is so not perfect, linked to the lines of having to suffer to learn. charlie, you're my favorite teacher but your classes are soooo confusing.
my thoughts on predestination/choice. of course we do have choice. but what about predestination? here's just one little argument that might make predestination more acceptable. predestination can mean this. that because of who we are, how the world is around us, how everything is, there can be only one thing that can happen.
main argument against predestination is that there is just so much possibility. in our minds we tell ourselves that if we had done this, that would have happened. but look back on the moment when you make the decision, the moment the multiverse forks as they say in my field. consider ceteris paribus. why is that you made one decision over the other? i mean sure you could have made the other decision given even a few seconds later. but at that particular moment, everything that you are and were determines what you do. is there anything that can change that? ceteris paribus (at least for this argument) dictates that there is no external factor that can change your decision. so is there anything in you that will change it? even spur-of-the-motion decisions follow emotion and mood, or the most probable...
freedom and choice may really just be a construct sparked by how sometimes people get overwhelmed by the power of the decisions/ actions they make. haha la lang. i just felt anti-chaos theory today after lit.
today i remembered luis lorenzo... maaaan
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7:40 pm
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I absolutely love cinema paradiso. it is my kind of movie. story of somebody's childhood. (wish list) somebody give me this in DVD. kasama na siya sa a beautiful mind.
my thoughts on oedipus rex. akala ko, biggest sin ni oedipus ay na mayabang siya. (take away the gods/destiny factor) the reason why it is fortold that he is going to fuck up is because even if he is just and good and prudent, he still has the capability of fucking up. and he does. so at this point, i think that all the story is trying to say is that man is so not perfect, linked to the lines of having to suffer to learn. charlie, you're my favorite teacher but your classes are soooo confusing.
my thoughts on predestination/choice. of course we do have choice. but what about predestination? here's just one little argument that might make predestination more acceptable. predestination can mean this. that because of who we are, how the world is around us, how everything is, there can be only one thing that can happen.
main argument against predestination is that there is just so much possibility. in our minds we tell ourselves that if we had done this, that would have happened. but look back on the moment when you make the decision, the moment the multiverse forks as they say in my field. consider ceteris paribus. why is that you made one decision over the other? i mean sure you could have made the other decision given even a few seconds later. but at that particular moment, everything that you are and were determines what you do. is there anything that can change that? ceteris paribus (at least for this argument) dictates that there is no external factor that can change your decision. so is there anything in you that will change it? even spur-of-the-motion decisions follow emotion and mood, or the most probable...
freedom and choice may really just be a construct sparked by how sometimes people get overwhelmed by the power of the decisions/ actions they make. haha la lang. i just felt anti-chaos theory today after lit.
today i remembered luis lorenzo... maaaan
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| Monday, December 13th, 2004
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6:13 pm - my first isaw
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oh yeah. my sister brought me to UP to try isaw. wla lang. i was soooo wrong masarap pala
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6:04 pm
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sorreeee! ang ganda ng pool ng la salle! maaaan i wished i stayed for the debate. feel ko na siyang i-career ulit.
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| Saturday, December 11th, 2004
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8:23 am
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I'm currently having a particularly low point in my life. The following are the circumstances. First, my college applications are due in the next month and my parents have been pressuring me. Second, I was just made to choose to go to a swimming competition which I am not ready for or to go to Ateneo Varsity Ivy's which I am not ready for as well but where i have a bigger chance of succeeding. I also happen to prefer debate. However, the reason why I am here at 8 am and not in debate is because Cris had gotten on the bus to his NSTP. I am swimming later at 1 pm. Mr. Caligner called to ask me about my applications yesterday when i was not at home. I have to pass by the high school on monday. that was the final straw that got me into this sour mood. after being stressed, i know feel hopeless and seem to feel that existence is meaningless.
However, in an effort to make sense of things, i'm writing down an entry. Is this fleeting? i think it is. the circustances above being the main reason. but i looked up at the Virgin Mary in my room and told myself to pray. but i couldn't. It was too user-friendly. i'm going back to God for the correct reasons. but i do realize how much better, more calm, and more controllable my life would be when i do.
So the question still lies, am i doing all these things that tire me out and stress me out going to be worth it? i have half the mind that they will, basing it on the argument that these things mean i am getting the best out of my life. this is one reason why i got depressed about not getting to debate. but i'm not too sure.
the other part of me goes this way. sometimes i feel i should just bum around. sort of what david does. to sleep and be relaxed. this is a sort of emotional relaxation. a moderation sort of thing. can i live my life being a nobody? am i not a nobody even if i try to be the best i can be?
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| Friday, November 26th, 2004
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7:19 pm
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smiles... this is a first: i got partnered with mela in debate!! haha... smiles
*funny how i can be so depressed at one moment and so happy at the next.
smiles... there shoud be more Ynez Alcid's in this whole wide world i tell you, so much more of them. smiles...
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3:11 pm - shigata ga nai
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I’m depressed because my life is shit. Gavin was talking to me about life being so tiring and even pointless. I said that all we can do is just let it flow around us (or something to that effect). Enjoy the fleeting moments of elation but don't be too obsessive compulsive about it. It sounds so cherry-blossom-ish. But anyway, the problem is that I have this feeling that I get my confidence from the things that I do. So if this thing in my life goes on, I will be left with nothing. NOTHING
Bummer
My entries lack rhetoric.
I miss the a-boys. haha pangdistract sa buhay. I have this scary thought that if it weren't for companionship we would all be suicidal. I also have this feeling that the next time I read this entry it will be deleted.
Ano kaya mangyayari kung nagintarmed na lang ako?
Oh yeah, just about an hour ago doc Mara stopped in the middle of his lecture, asked a question and stared. and stared.. He stared at my row. At this point, shivers are up my spine... turns out hindi pala ako yung tinitingnan nya, si jerome. pucha, ang scary ng teacher na yan. Paranoia-ness-ness-ness.
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| Thursday, November 25th, 2004
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7:25 pm
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(sobrang late na, i know) Thanks to everybody who went to my party. I know i looked stressed and all, but that's me i guess. but it was soooo much fun. haha.
Japanese seems to be the only class i'm really enjoying nowadays. I really want to become fluent. As for the other subjects:
Filipino: Allan Popa is boring. I miss Salazar. Not that Salazar isn't boring, but the discussion was intellectually stimulating. I liked Popa's book, Kami sa Lahat ng Masama, but you know what they say, it never follows that being a genius means you can teach well. I do appreciate his passion, sometimes. On other things, Popa doesn't give a grade higher than C+ if there is at least one red mark (mistake in grammar). bummer
Math: I didn't fail the long test but it was bad. I want to get exempted but i guess that's out of the picture... retest mara, please..
Physics: Culaba is teaching the lessons too slowly.
English: Well, I enjoy the way Oliver teases Ma'am haha
Literature: Currently contemplating Clytemnestra's speech after having welcomed Agamemnon. Charlie was different today. He was open and everything.
PE 101: Fun yung 1-mile run. but it's shit that I beat Jacoba by only 1 second. Pero kung sa bagay, his cardiovascular workout is pretty intense.
I realize nobody is interested in my academic life. haha my life is boring
Thanks so much Audrey! I think I'll name it Newton. it's just surprising that i would get something like it. it's a first but i love it anyway.
Happy birthday anna.
One of my longer entries, this one is.
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| Friday, October 22nd, 2004
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8:57 pm
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| Tuesday, October 19th, 2004
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6:20 pm - rare update
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with the heinous amount of television I am catching, my brain activity is dropping. ironically, I have so much to do but this whole atmosphere devoid of a strict schedule is getting to me.
on another things, I was able to catch house of flying daggers which both my mom and little brother kept on calling house of flying dragons. hopefully I’m not the only one who thinks the movie is postmodern. my mom just cried through it. on my part, it was just too full of it.
unfortunately, I can't talk about why I’m feeling a considerable amount of stress. so never mind.
my sister is making my little brother this ultra-cool costume. which reminds me, malapit na November. I don't have plans, as usual. haha.
last Friday, my first sem was sealed. I just thought of how the term was oh-so-over. nothing I can do to change my grades.
I have no idea why my coach decided that I should go to bacolod, so here I am training everyday. (nakakatamad lang talaga minsan)
peace Anna!
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(comment on this)
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6:20 pm - rare update
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with the heinous amount of television I am catching, my brain activity is dropping. ironically, I have so much to do but this whole atmosphere devoid of a strict schedule is getting to me.
on another things, I was able to catch house of flying daggers which both my mom and little brother kept on calling house of flying dragons. hopefully I’m not the only one who thinks the movie is postmodern. my mom just cried through it. on my part, it was just too full of it.
unfortunately, I can't talk about why I’m feeling a considerable amount of stress. so never mind.
my sister is making my little brother this ultra-cool costume. which reminds me, malapit na November. I don't have plans, as usual. haha.
last Friday, my first sem was sealed. I just thought of how the term was oh-so-over. nothing I can do to change my grades.
I have no idea why my coach decided that I should go to bacolod, so here I am training everyday. (nakakatamad lang talaga minsan)
peace Anna!
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| Thursday, October 7th, 2004
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7:22 pm - entry that is bitin
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one of the reasons why i hate literature is that it forces you to look for an encompassing meaning. This encompassing meaning tries to string together small details, character attitudes, conversations, words, metaphors... in most cases, this is achieved. you obviously have an author who works all of this out because it allows him to say what he wants in the most effective means... take for example the unbearable lightness of being
the problem that i have is that i tend to apply it to my life... most of the time, i can't. that makes me depressed. but i don't like the thought that there is some external author of my life either.
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| Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
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11:27 pm - pieces
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Last Sunday, coming home from UAAP, I thought about my fragmented life. for four days, I was a full-time swimmer. no class, just four whole days of times, my fast-skin, my backstroke. and at the end of it, my days were going to be back to normal.
the days before that were devoted to debate. the weeks after will be devoted to grades and my piano recital.
I try to make sense of my life. as if it were some book, some piece of literature with some common theme. but yes, I do feel the unbearable lightness of being. it's all just there, it's all just dumped there.
kailan ko mag-aral para maintindihan ko naman yung mga volume na tinuturo ni Mara. power supply. Filipino project. research paper. story book. exams.
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| Tuesday, September 14th, 2004
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4:43 pm
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It is you who have angered me
For you picked at my memory
And isolated the logically unpossessed
Taking threads from the past
And spinning them around
A shadow
It is this thing that realized itself
And told me that it was good
And beautiful
It was meant to be a boon
For me to bring with me
But it is an abstruse one
For it slipped past my senses
When I tried to grab it and drink it
What fools these mortals…
current mood:  depressed
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| Saturday, September 11th, 2004
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12:47 am - ending the day with a vanilla frap
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cut intact. shi*.
...
math test result is good. swimming is tiring. debate tiring. the party was actually fun.
i got to thinking about the unleashed mind. it's so powerful.
tomorrow is the day.
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