Mark's Blurty
 
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Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in Mark's Blurty:

    Thursday, September 11th, 2003
    8:57 am
    Mixed Blessings
    Friends? What friends? i aparently dont have time for friends and they dont have time for me.
    it sounds like im blaming them.. but in reality i just want to have enough time to see them..
    i want them to have enough time to see me... i want to have a shedule that doesnt suck.. i want to do the things i want to do...

    i am making alot of money now.. also im taking classes again.. but i hardly have enough time for even one class.. i have like barely any free time and im always sleeping or tired..everything is so very fucked..

    i play EQ because it makes me happy, its something i can do for fun anytime, even around my odd scheduling,

    another nice thing is that im really losing weight, lost 40 pounds in the last 4 months

    talking to and being around certain people makes things all better at times, and other times people just depress me.

    i want to be connected to the community again. i want to have time to do my homework. i want to have free time. i want to have fun.

    things will prolly get better soon, i just miss my life.. and the people i love

    Current Mood: sad
    Current Music: SneakerPimps -Six Underground, SoundTeMP -Welcome Mr. Hwang
    Friday, August 22nd, 2003
    1:26 am
    Fun/Life
    Now to get back into this thing,

    I have been very productive as far as life and being responsible since my last entry. i have become more confident in my own ideas and way of thinking.
    getting into another slump again tho..
    the situations i have experienced recently have been slight eye-openers at times...
    im a tad dissapointed that everyone seems to take me wrong..

    so as not to use their names i shall number them:

    Friend1 totally overreacts to everything i say as if by just bringing something up in conversation i am letting it ruin my life and cant go on.. its quite insulting to hear "you shouldnt worry so much" or "dont let it get to you so much" in response to something i find completely trivial, what is the point of bringing anything up in conversation if it seems to scare him so much.
    he also seems a tad controlling when it comes to conversation... it starts and stops when he pleases... even if that is mid sentance. i think he needs to get some personality as aposed to this damned Lowkey/Controlling robot who has no concern for anything.

    Friend2 seems to be waiting for me to screw up or something. she seems to have an issue with alot of things i do, at times i cant tell if im on her good side or bad side. i aparently did something that i was not aware of that really upset her. something im assuming i did in my sleep. after hearing about it i want to start questioning myself again... i obviously need to be harder on myself again.
    i completely respect her and wouldnt consciously have done anything close to what i supposedly did...
    im smarter than that and i think i deserve more credit than what i get. i have no intentions of intruding on anyones space. I want nothing more than for her to feel more comfortable with me and Friend3.
    I want nothing more than to be able to talk to her.. Ireally really wanted to today but the words never came out.. people think im to serious so i dont plan on ruining someones good mood in order to talk about something serious. i wanted her to be around but i got to scared to try and have the conversation i was supposed to and i just went upstairs and took a nap. she left while i was napping and i just wanted to kick myself again for my hesitation and/or fear... i just feel like i have to be super fuckin careful around Friend2 now.. Im working on her computer now and its coming along good. i wish only the best for her and to be a part of her life.

    Friend3 is probably the most important to me. im just not using her name for sake of tradition in this post.
    She helps me all the time and i hope she gets exactly what she wants. i want to be closer to her than i have been as i have been distracted recently with work and upcoming events. like Friend2, i wish she wasnt so hard on me and understood a bit better and not get my intentions wrong. i wish she would talk to me more about things that are bothering her tho. i bought her the new rancid CD early for her upcoming birthday.

    Friend4 is never around anymore. hes always busy. that sucks. he was supposed to come over and hang out us tonight but never contacted me.

    Friend5 I wish i spent more time with as hes a good guy when hes not depressed.

    Friend6 is leaving soon. nothing more to say.

    Friend7 and Friend8 are too far away. they are coming to visit in like less than two months which will be nice because i fear growing distant from them. i feel like a dork-on because i want them to see how ive become more confident and be proud of me.

    Friend9 is just a little to socially distant, its just changed and i would like be closer again at times and others i understand because we are busy people.

    i love them all.
    so.. yay

    as far as the rest of things, i got the new AAF CD and donnie darko DVD.
    ordered the fastest burner on the market and it should be here tomorrow.
    bought some Sake which i guess i will save for a more happy night....

    Current Mood: lonely
    Current Music: Alien Ant Farm - These Days
    Monday, July 14th, 2003
    6:47 pm
    Life
    Work is hard but enjoyable, cookie has joined me there for the night shift.

    Things have become a tad rough for people around me.

    Life is getting better even with the obstacles.
    Becoming closer to each of the girls.

    Manda, I love her more than ever now, as i do with each conversation. I have changed things about her that i enjoy as things i dont enjoy. Who she is, thats who i love. I have taken another step in trust with manda that has made things so much better in life. I would love to see her reach out and grab what she wants more. She is there for me each time i crash and burn.
    Manda has the most beatiful eyes and back.

    Rachael, makes me confident and happy at times and scared and hurt at others. Most emotions i get from thinking about rachael I welcome. Rachael can be my relief as well as my obstacle, obstacle only in the sense that i care about her and it hurts when things happen or i think about them happening. She opens my eyes at times and im soo thankful for it.
    Rachael has the sexiest lower back.

    Sarah, makes me feel good by just being around. I have always wanted to be close to Sarah and now that I am closer im happier. It makes me a worldsworth happier each time the ice is broken around her. Like when i figured she was strongly against drinking but had a bit to drink with us.. or each time i can lay a hand on her without anyone freaking out. each step makes me happy. Sarah is great at keeping my interest in things.
    Sarah has the cutest butt.

    At times i feel odd passing them off as if i have a connection to each of them, however in reality i dont have much connection to any of them. at times it seems they each seem to have lots of issues with me.. Im trying harder as i learn about each one.

    I seem to want more attention and i use the attention im getting to feel better about myself and reach out and grab the things i want in life like i did with my job. As odd as it sounds it sometimes seems directly proportional to sex... in fact alot.
    .. im not a prev as some would assume, just affectionate.. but people are free to say what they like..

    With the girls around, life is happy and beautiful.
    I want to keep them happy to keep myself happy..
    im afraid to hear something slong the lines of.. "you were good for a screw for a while but i met someone who is actually important now"..
    im worth more than that and someday ill be able to do what people want of me.

    Current Mood: optimistic
    Current Music: Led Zepplin - Stairway to heaven
    Thursday, July 10th, 2003
    2:23 pm
    Day off
    Tomorrow is my first day off, which means tonight i get to party it up with the girls and drink our special bottle of White Zinfandel wine. We are gonna have fun and play DDR and sex it up and watch movies and paint each others nails and talk about boys.. wait, what?

    Tonight will be uber fun. Im so happy!

    Today i also purchased a labcoat, im totally gonna kick ass now..

    Current Mood: giddy
    Current Music: Prodigy - Fire
    Monday, July 7th, 2003
    8:09 pm
    Tiredsville
    Man i didnt get much sleep, i have to go to work in a little less than 4 hours. I really like my job and the atmosphere, i get to wear what i want. My job is alot of hardass work tho, i should get better as my feet get used to standing up alot. its been much easier wearing more comfortable shoes instead of the Docs.

    I got all nervous today when in bed with manda and rach came over, im not sure why i did but i wasnt able to finish after that.. made me feel like a REAL man :(
    i put WAY too much strain on my body
    i hope its not the celexa giving me crap again, i swear its not worth taking if it hinders my drive :(

    Things are happy tho, im glad i like my job, i just need extra lovin recently :/

    Current Mood: drained
    Current Music: Train - Drops of Jupiter
    Saturday, July 5th, 2003
    4:20 pm
    Job night
    Weee. Im going to my first day (err night) on the job its not technically tonight but tomorrow morning as it will be at 12:00am but i basically have to leave for it late tonight. Lucky for me this first day is going to be sunday so i get paid time and a half (T.5? :P). To be honest, im a tad nervous.

    I hope mandas ear gets better soon, i dont like seeing her in pain.
    Its gonna suck not being home when she goes to bed. I love Manda. At least i get to buy us an air conditioner soon.

    We all had a wonderful drinking and talking and dancedancing good time. Spent the night with Manda, Rachael and Sarah having fun. We didnt have alot of alcohol but we drank the last of what was in the house, even sarah drank half a mikes hard which was the coolest ever because i was starting to feel bad about drinking around her as i didnt know how she felt when i did. I had soo much fun. Last night really made me happy. I love the girls very much.

    Next time ill break out the glowsticks.

    Current Mood: worried
    Current Music: DDR - Look at us (DJ Daddy)
    Friday, July 4th, 2003
    12:39 am
    Journal Person
    I want to be a journal person
    i should really sit down and update more..
    i start doing that

    Got a temp job in the form of full time work. It will be great to have an income again until i have to focus on classes again. I shall be doing ticketing overnight at BJs where i will do work that involves my upper body (which i dont love enough) and wont have to deal with stupid people (heehee).

    Played EQ today with cookie and ben, went swimming with pete and ben, took care of some drug test issue where i had to prove that i was taking legal Amphetamines and came home and helped manda take care of her earache (from swimming earlier).

    We missed Rachael today. I love watching manda and Rachael, it makes me happier than ever for some reason.
    i want to play DDR with sarah and rachael and manda. I want to have more fun and lovin, there has been so much difficulty surrounding everyone and not enough lovin, i miss it.

    I have soo many things to buy for the girls when i get money.. soo many things...

    I must get another webpage started..

    Current Mood: hopeful
    Current Music: Boy Hits Car - Man without skin
    Monday, June 2nd, 2003
    5:23 pm
    Followthru
    Well everyone made a blurty so i wanted to make one too, (even tho when i write in a journal i feel like im talking to myself) i thought it might be fun.

    today is.. unsettling...
    my friend sean has decided to join Mr. Everyonearoundhere and become a skater punk too.
    yay for him.
    i plan on getting at least one thing done for Rachael on her EQ char.
    phone keeps ringing, anoying the piss outta me.
    i will make today a good day no matter what :3
    as for things ive done so far, im a tad dissapointed but i really want to go for a walk with manda.

    Current Mood: curious
    Current Music: Aphex Twin - Come to daddy
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