Now to get back into this thing,
I have been very productive as far as life and being responsible since my last entry. i have become more confident in my own ideas and way of thinking.
getting into another slump again tho..
the situations i have experienced recently have been slight eye-openers at times...
im a tad dissapointed that everyone seems to take me wrong..
so as not to use their names i shall number them:
Friend1 totally overreacts to everything i say as if by just bringing something up in conversation i am letting it ruin my life and cant go on.. its quite insulting to hear "you shouldnt worry so much" or "dont let it get to you so much" in response to something i find completely trivial, what is the point of bringing anything up in conversation if it seems to scare him so much.
he also seems a tad controlling when it comes to conversation... it starts and stops when he pleases... even if that is mid sentance. i think he needs to get some personality as aposed to this damned Lowkey/Controlling robot who has no concern for anything.
Friend2 seems to be waiting for me to screw up or something. she seems to have an issue with alot of things i do, at times i cant tell if im on her good side or bad side. i aparently did something that i was not aware of that really upset her. something im assuming i did in my sleep. after hearing about it i want to start questioning myself again... i obviously need to be harder on myself again.
i completely respect her and wouldnt consciously have done anything close to what i supposedly did...
im smarter than that and i think i deserve more credit than what i get. i have no intentions of intruding on anyones space. I want nothing more than for her to feel more comfortable with me and Friend3.
I want nothing more than to be able to talk to her.. Ireally really wanted to today but the words never came out.. people think im to serious so i dont plan on ruining someones good mood in order to talk about something serious. i wanted her to be around but i got to scared to try and have the conversation i was supposed to and i just went upstairs and took a nap. she left while i was napping and i just wanted to kick myself again for my hesitation and/or fear... i just feel like i have to be super fuckin careful around Friend2 now.. Im working on her computer now and its coming along good. i wish only the best for her and to be a part of her life.
Friend3 is probably the most important to me. im just not using her name for sake of tradition in this post.
She helps me all the time and i hope she gets exactly what she wants. i want to be closer to her than i have been as i have been distracted recently with work and upcoming events. like Friend2, i wish she wasnt so hard on me and understood a bit better and not get my intentions wrong. i wish she would talk to me more about things that are bothering her tho. i bought her the new rancid CD early for her upcoming birthday.
Friend4 is never around anymore. hes always busy. that sucks. he was supposed to come over and hang out us tonight but never contacted me.
Friend5 I wish i spent more time with as hes a good guy when hes not depressed.
Friend6 is leaving soon. nothing more to say.
Friend7 and Friend8 are too far away. they are coming to visit in like less than two months which will be nice because i fear growing distant from them. i feel like a dork-on because i want them to see how ive become more confident and be proud of me.
Friend9 is just a little to socially distant, its just changed and i would like be closer again at times and others i understand because we are busy people.
i love them all.
as far as the rest of things, i got the new AAF CD and donnie darko DVD.
ordered the fastest burner on the market and it should be here tomorrow.
bought some Sake which i guess i will save for a more happy night.... Current Mood: lonelyCurrent Music: Alien Ant Farm - These Days