| throw it out you look divine. just a simple little lie and then we're done. |
[07 Feb 2008|01:59pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Ocean of Noise; the Arcade Fire |
] |
and what have we learned in this week's episode? never under ANY circumstances is it a good idea to talk to your ex. and establishing a platonic friendship? yeah rrrrriiiight. nice try.
he's screwing me over yet again over somebody else's lies and mistakes. and I have had a genuine heart but I dont deserve this. maybe there were some selfish reasons, but I never had it out for his infamously slutty girlfriend, whether he believes me, or the shithead she's cheating on him with.
that hardly concerns me, and applies to me even less than concerns me. I dont know why it has bothered me merely as much as it has, but I guess it's because of the previous track record that doesnt exactly shine for Kyle. the sad part is that I certainly had inklings that this would happen, but literally not this soon, and I'm not about to lose control of the situation off the straightaway, and I've done nothing wrong. the fact that it is unfair is outstanding, and what's more is that I have no one to blame but my dumb fuck self
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| shouldve known. |
[07 Feb 2008|01:12pm] |
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IM OKAY IF HE NEVER CALLS ME AGAIN
hooooonnneesstly. I should've listened to you baby. you knew better. you know better. you always know. I'm so glad I have an intelligent man for once.
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[06 Feb 2008|09:32pm] |
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when did your heart go missing?
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[05 Feb 2008|02:12pm] |
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I, I watch you like a midnight movie.
You act as if you never knew me.
Baby I miss you.
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[03 Feb 2008|02:27pm] |
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a shooting just happened in my hometown.
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[02 Feb 2008|08:05pm] |
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be careful. she's still a girl. one that I dont know, and have never heard you talk about before.
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| I love listening to your voice, hearing you talk for hours keeps me sane. |
[02 Feb 2008|04:04am] |
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the best friend I'll ever have.
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[01 Feb 2008|12:29pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
I Shall Believe; Sheryl Crow |
] |
"You're my girlfriend, and you're freaking gorgeous. I like it when any part of you touches me"
fuck. I'm obsessed. I cant even eat. I cant do anything without thinking of you. and I love it.
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| BABY ITS FACT,.. |
[30 Jan 2008|06:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
affectionate |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Baby, It's Fact; Hellogoodbye |
] |
OUR LOVE IS TRUE.
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[30 Jan 2008|04:43am] |
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do you still see
what you first saw in me
do you still see
what you first saw in me
do you still see
what you first saw in me
do you still see
what you first saw in me
do you still see
what you first saw in me
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| you got-a change your evil waaayys..baby. |
[29 Jan 2008|11:21am] |
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honestly? for the first time in these past five years
i have nothing to complain about.
nothing.
well i may have some things that irritate me, and they'll probably occur later on.
but right now, i am happy. i'm happy with the decisions i'm making. i'm happy with the way things are going.
either spring fever started early this year, the Santana is getting to me, or i've found a way to be wonderful on even the dreariest crappy days.
i love my fucking boyfriend. i love him so goddamn much. and seriously, he is the most attractive thing i've ever discovered. i see myself with him in five years. for once, i can sincerely announce that he's perfect, he's what i've been looking for, and a relationship doesnt have to be perfect to be better than all of the relationships going on around me. he completes me. i want him more than anything. ANYTHING.
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| knock knock, baby open the door |
[26 Jan 2008|02:14am] |
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and I'm going to bed...night.
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[26 Jan 2008|02:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
dying |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Worst Song Ever; Mellowdrone |
] |
that alleyway.
and the things i did in it. it'll never be the same, being that relatively close to my house
under the moon, this grid, and the puddles. the ones that havent frozen solid like tonight.
that boy.
the one who is so sweet it hurts my teeth.
and how he doesnt understand, even though he wants to.
that alleyway, that boy, and the life-long battle.
here's to turning my phone off, to get some real sleep. taking my pants off, revealing the thighs, the ones I can feel the blood rushing through due to the canadian beer.
/
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| reconciliation :) |
[25 Jan 2008|05:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
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better |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Me and the Moon; Something Corporate |
] |
i love how blunt guys are. and, as subversive as it really is, i love the way they tend to make things worse and better at the same time. i dont know if i needed to get away from it all and clear my head for a little while, but i knew it was right. i parked my car beside his. i walked into an otherwisely empty restaurant at half past midnight with one unfamiliar, yet funny, waitress working. one whom we AGREED didnt deserve tips. and we discussed tips, and when it is necessary and unnecessary to leave them. and they agreed with me. and it was nice to kick it, in the style of the good old days, with people much older than me who are JUST AS MATURE as me, considering the damage of the slaps in the face i endured earlier from my boyfriend's words.
i am examining the scrapes on my ego, dusting myself off, trying it again
...i dont mind being stubborn when it makes me happy.
sarah didnt want to go out. she wanted to stay in with her boyfriend. unfortunately, i didnt want to stay in with my unsettling feelings due to mine. things werent okay getting off the phone. i knew theyd be a nightmare.
i made an instinct judgement call. middle of a thursday night. a sixth of a tank of gas. so i cant go far. not sarah's. not the mountain. the middleground..see if anyone's there. someone was.
and at the right time too.
then we elaborated the other carlisle diner relationships dissolving before our eyes and i realized that, haha, i outlast them all. and i celebrate my triumph with a painful default picture for those who have hurt me in the past. i love my boyfriend. i also love a night out with friends, friends who support me even after the initial awkwardness that occured late this summer, that separated us, and i disappeared for a while, and we both said sorry... something that was needed, the way i could tell being by how i was hugged by my car tonight. that was an "i missed you" hug. mine was an
"im glad im back"
lesson noted.
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[24 Jan 2008|10:51pm] |
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i want to be your last first kiss that you'll ever have.
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[24 Jan 2008|06:04pm] |
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listening to jazz on a train on a drizzly day in some industrious city. sitting across from john krasinski. that's where i should be.
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[23 Jan 2008|09:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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lost |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Reflections; Mae |
] |
everything is severely lacking
I dont know where Im going in life
I think Im heading in the wrong direction
but theres no spot to turn around.
do I crash?
and where the fuck did I take a wrong turn?
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[21 Jan 2008|06:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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perfect |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Only for the Night; Rx Bandits |
] |
spontaneously left for philly last night. visited a good friend at Drexel. found myself lost a couple of times, but it felt alright
she says she gonna come over tonight. look like a ghost sound like a whisper shivering down my spine
I'm just a traveling soul, say you'd never leave me alone, tell me you need me so tonight.
she come creeping up slow, I got no place, no place to go.
but now I'm feeling like I fell for you oh baby, no don't you sell it.
story's always different, no matter who's telling it,
now I'm feeling like I fell for you.
apparition.
I didnt even catch the flash of your gorgeous smile before you picked me up, spun me around, in a tight lock of an affectionate hug.
I know she lurking the streets tonight,
sound like silence, slink like a drifter
'tween the darkness & the flickering light
she's just a wandering soul, oh I can't let it go,
tell me it isn't so tonight.
the night is a fast blur but it slightly holds still in the photographs of my mind. the part where I just fell in love with being under you; the part where your lips were silhouetted perfectly in the dim light; but mostly the part where your hands tenderly found the spot under my shoulderblades where your fingers softly curled around me and held me I've never felt that good Cameron. jesus.
I swear I heard something sneaking through my corridor, memories float like specters, keeps on haunting me evermore..
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| it's only four thirty? |
[20 Jan 2008|04:38pm] |
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shit. I still have a day.
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| Forget all those places youve never really been & all those situations you somehow found yourself |
[20 Jan 2008|04:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
adventitious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Something to do With My Hands; Her Space Holiday |
] |
I made an amazingly valuable realization today.
it's a goddamn wonder what a few episodes of the Office and a window letting fresh air in can do.
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