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Friday, October 24th, 2003
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10:29 am - nifty
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| Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003
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3:40 pm - rachys albums
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| Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
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8:01 am - i need to vent ,sorry...to those who put up with my drama!!!
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dont be confused by my apparent lack of ceremony,my mind is clear i may be low and miles high of in the distance i want you near,i love you even when i'm sleeping,when i close my eyes you're every where and if they take me flying on the magic carpet see me wave if our comunication fails at re-connecting i want to rave,i love you even when i'm sleeping,when i close my eyes you're every where,no matter where the road is leading us remember dont be affraid,we have a continent that sometimes comes between us but thats ok , i love you even when i'm sleeping,when i close my eyes you're every where,when i close my eyes you're every where,dont be affraid,dont be affraid....NO-2..I dont believe in an interventionest god but i know darlin that you do but if i did i would kneel down and ask him not to intervene when it came to you,not to touch a hair on your head , leave you as you are and if he felt he had to direct you then direct you into my arms,into my arms oh lord into my arms,and i dont believe in the existance of angels,looking at you i wonder if thats true but if i did i would summon them together and ask them to watch over you well to each burn a candle for you to make bright and clear your path and to walk like christ in grace and love and guide you into my arms,into my arms oh lord into my arms ,but i believe in LOVE and i know that you do to and i believe in some kind of path that we can walk down me and you so keep your candles burning make a journy bright and pure so you'll keep returning to me for evermore into my arms .
Rach.
current mood:  lonely
current music: even when i'm sleeping/into my arms
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| Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
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9:05 pm - came home to a letter from my ex..grrrr
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A LETTER FROM MY EX HUSBAND-
Dear Rach,
well after 14 years it has come to this,i just wanted to tell you that i wouldnt trade any of those years for anything.Thanks for the memories that will stay locked in my heart forever.Even though it has been almost a year it still feels like yesterday for me.I mean I still feel incomplete,Iv'e lost my right hand man.I do love you baby I always will thats the cross i have to bear for the rest of my days,I dont want to love anyone else like this again it kills you inside and out.Look after our babies Rach,they are all that keep me going sometimes.If you ever need anything,money or something just call me i'll always be there for you.Sorry for being an asshole at times but thats just my way of dealing everything.I tried to tell myself that i hated you but that didnt work so i'll just have to keep loving you (from a distance).Take care Rach,I hope you find someone that truely loves you,be happy.see ya round
love always Garnett xxx
grrr too little too late i'm afraid,i know that sounds hard but noone knows how he treated me and sorry just dont cut it nemore.
Rachy
current mood:  grumpy
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| Sunday, October 12th, 2003
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12:24 pm - nifty!
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look...
 ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  , ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  ,  , 
~~Chrissy~~
Smiles Are Contagious, You Never Know When You Might Run Into Someone Who Needs One, So Pass It On!~*~~*~
current mood:  amused
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| Thursday, October 9th, 2003
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8:16 am - what will today bring?
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yeah well its a new day and i'm off to shop,i'm damn tired i stayed up half the night reading some crapy book just to keep my eyes open but i have orders placed by the kids for things.Lexi want marker pens,paint and belly button ring batteries(dont ask)Samuel wants a new necklace and football cards and Emily wants the Hilary Duff CD so i guess i should drag my butt out of my sorrow and get shoping.Hres hoping today will be the day their father wakes up and realises what a jerk he is being but i doubt it very much so i guess i'll just gather my strength ,hold up my head and soldier on,haha soldier yeah that reminds me he now knows about Nathan maybe that is the bee in his bonnet oh well tough cookies.So guys bye and catch ya in awhile.Rachael
current mood:  blah
current music: bridge over troubled water
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12:31 am - leave me alone will you
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i dunno how much more of this i can take he just wont stay away.Tonight i had my dad hiding in bushes like a head hunter poor guy because he went down the lane to get a reception on his cell and guess who drove past twice and then pulled up?yes thats right my loser ex ,he pulled up ,got out of his car and started to make his way up my lane but dad was sitting in his truck in the dark and spotted him so he quietly got out and hid to see what he was up to,he must have spotted dad and got in his car and left.My god then he had the nerve to drive up and down up and down past my house half the night , hence me being still awake,i cant sleep i'm too nervous.i cant take much more, why cant he just leave me alone and get on with his own life?.Damn the stupid guy i spent all day yesterday in court getting an intervention order against him and he's not allowed within 200 meters of my house or me but he wont learn,how can i call the police and say he's driving past?there's no violence in it but it's driving me insane.Sometimes i feel like giving up altogether and ending it all honest to god i try so hard to stay sane but he is sending me crazy.This rot will go on forever i just know it.Any how me and dad have come up with a plan,you see everytime i leave my house he breaks in and takes whatever he wants so dad is sending me and the kids away on monday night,he's going to hide his car and stay in my house with all the lights out and catch him in the act,wow i would hate to be him when dad gets his hands on him,dad said tonight"i wanna go down to his house and tell him to stay away but i know when i see him i wont be able to control myself and that scares me"wow...anyhow i'm going to lie down and rest,i know i wont sleep coz i'm too scared to close my eyes but i will get some rest atleast so TTFN
RACHAEL
current mood:  drained
current music: family portrait/pink
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| Wednesday, October 8th, 2003
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8:37 am - THE BEAST....
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today i cant think at all i fell it again, it prowls inside me, it wont roar it wont sleep, the beast stalks up and down up and down each methodical step, boom boom boom boom,takes me further into the realisation that its just me and my beast against the world no one can hear him thudding around inside me ,i hide him,yes thats it sit beast and rest awhile,let me think .Today i dream,i dream of oblivian it is forever and i want it,i want to belong to oblivian shhhhh beast,im too scared to live and to scared not to im just stuck here in the middle of the constant arguments between me and my beast,i wish he would pounce and get it over with i'm not scared of him ,he bothers me not,i fear nothing because today i feel nothing,wait yes i am scared,scared it will fail then everyone will know the depth of my relationship with the beast.who gave you permission to take me and drag me kicking and screaming into adulthood where the world is bleak and i dont belong?dont cry for me,dont ask why,dont question me about my love affair with my beast because i dont know,i dont know,i dont know. he wakes,i feel each step again thud thud thud,sending fear corsing through my veins not fear of him but fear of me say it oblivian is forever ,oblivian is forever,oblivian is forever oh sweet oblivian i love you.
current mood: pessimistic
current music: "take my hand and lead me there,take by soul strip it bare"
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| Monday, October 6th, 2003
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10:10 pm - WHERE ARE YOU?
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its the middle of the night i should be asleep
im awake to the night
my feelings are deep.
coffee cup in hand
music in my ear
how i wish you were here
oh you're not here,i miss & i miss
you've no idea,i need to feel your kiss
i'm searching for you,we're both all alone
i ask myself oh when,oh when will you be home?.
my eyes are drifting
past the window pane
searching.wandering,my mind play games
i see the river
so far away
i want to wash there,wash my troubles away
i need to know where you are
how can you have wandered so far away?
you wrote sweet words,i wrote you a tear
oh how i need you
i need to hold you near
oh your'e not here,i miss& miss
you've no idea ,i need to feel your kiss
i'm searching for you,we're both all alone
i ask myself oh when,oh when will you be home.
the night is fading
dusk turning to dawn
you're still not here
i must face the morn.
oh you're not here,i miss & miss
you've no idea,i need to feel your kiss
i'm searching for you,we're both all alone
i ask myself oh when,oh when will you be home.
current mood: crushed
current music: people running about in my head,they wont shut up
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9:57 pm - to my friend
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Theres a place for you inside my life
it will always be there for you
anytime you want to come inside
for warmth,for care,a cup of conversation
remember my friend,
theres always a place for you.
Any time you need me
Anytime you want me
Just let me know.
Call me,nudge me,catch me by the hand
and enter into your special space,
which will always be there,
inside my life,
a special place for you.
current mood: grateful
current music: your my light house, my warming ,embrass ,my comfort
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9:09 pm - what do u think?
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does this font look kool?
~!~Chrissy~!~
Let The Rain Fall Down And Wake My Dreams, Let It Wash Away My Sanity, Cuz I Wanna Feel The Thunder, I Wanna Scream, Let The Rain Fall Down, Im Comming Clean!
current mood:  curious
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5:34 pm - time is loves enemy but love is time in the making
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another year older a little bit stronger a little bit wiser than a year ogo today looking over my shoulder i cant believe what happened a year ogo today and i cant just forget about it or it wouldnt mean a thing you went away a year ogo today another year gone by ,all the tears have run dry life seems so unkind and i cant understand it and dont think i ever will you went away a year ogo today and how many times have i questioned myself what more could i do and how many times i fooled myself over you ya gotta pick ya self up dust yourself off coz lifes too good i say to myself and i'll say it again love will never end and oh we're so far apart but you're forever in my heart somewher theres somebody watching over me you went away a year ogo todayRACHY
current mood: lonely
current music: love is blind
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5:23 pm - will you fall for me?
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My heads full of thoughts,thoughts of you and im ditracted so easy thinkin what to do so unsure so unfamilar am i wrong to think that something could happen,will you fall for me,i need to know,will you fall for me the way i've fallen for you my hearts beating so fast i cant stop it and i'm so unsure so unfamilar am i wrong to think that something could happen will you fall for me the way i've fallen for you ,so unsure,so unfamilar was i wrong to think that something could happen.I 've fallen for you.
Rachy
current mood: confused
current music: kids screamin acctually
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3:11 pm - WOOT WOOT
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woooo hoooo Go Rachy!!! *gives her a standing ovation* cmon ppl she deserves a round of applause! hehehehe!
~!~Chrissy~!~
Let The Rain Fall Down And Wake My Dreams, Let It Wash Away My Sanity, Cuz I Wanna Feel The Thunder, I Wanna Scream, Let The Rain Fall Down, Im Comming Clean!
12:11midnight
current mood: pleased
current music: theres a fly buzzing sumwhere, ill find it and KILL IT! lol
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3:00 pm - ahhhhh i think i've solved it watson
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hmmmm well if i dont get it now im just plain dumb...lmao
current mood:  artistic
current music: motzart...lol
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2:52 pm - still tryin
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lets see if i got it now then shall we
current mood: confused
current music: still have a headache...lol
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2:43 pm - tryin
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i'll prolly stuff up but oh well i tried
current mood: curious
current music: none i have a headache and it sux big time
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2:26 pm - hows it look?
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ok i just changed everything on here, look kool?
~!~Chrissy~!~
Let The Rain Fall Down And Wake My Dreams, Let It Wash Away My Sanity, Cuz I Wanna Feel The Thunder, I Wanna Scream, Let The Rain Fall Down, Im Comming Clean!
11:26pm
current mood: accomplished
current music: wheels turning in my head
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11:05 am - guess who this is for?
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butterfly
I wont hurt you i'll protect you,wont let n one hurt you i'll always be around,baby i will understand you,sometimes you just need to spread your wings and fly and let your colours shine and everyday i wanna be the risk you take,make a promise we'll never break for life,you're my butterfly dont fly away open my hands and i'll be praying you'll come back to me ,you're my butterfly ,dont fly away,you're my reality always be my gravity ,you're my butterfly,come on touch the sky ,you're my butterfly,i wont forget you i wont neglect you wont let no one take your place,in your eyes i see my face,baby do you know everybody watches everytime you take flight ,blinded by your light,everyday the feelings gonna be the same i can promise that will never change for life,you're my butterfly dont fly away open my hands and i'll be praying that you come back to me,you're my butterfly dont fly away,you're my reality always be my gravity you're my butterfly,i wont hurt you i'll protect you i'll always be around and everyday i wanna be the risk you take,make a promise that we'll never break for life,whenever you need me i'll be here ,dont fly away.
RACHY!!!!
current mood:  giddy
current music: bells in my head
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4:12 am - for him
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IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE THEN DISTANCE MATTERS ONLY TO THE MIND NOT THE HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RACHAEL.
current mood: loved
current music: the birds that are chirpin outside my window
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