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Wednesday, September 8th, 2004
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5:38 pm - battles....
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"Usually we try to fight small, unimportant battles we know we can win. It makes us feel better about the big ones we can't." - Tohya Miho, MEGATOKYO strip # 606
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 23rd, 2004
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8:01 pm - smile...
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i was getting last week's third dose of Megatokyo and i have to say... that last frame really hit me (the main character, Piro, asks his friend if she's ok. she has this dry smile on her face as she says, "no. no i'm not. i can't decide if i want to scream or cry."). how many times have YOU forced a smile to appease the people around you? i know i do that on the regular... specially last year. there's something about your attitude trickling down to those around you... it's the most contageous thing. i learned from a dear friend that you don't need to be happy to be positive. and in most cases a little positivity will get you through the roughest times. there are just those times when you want to crawl under a rock and scream, or cry, or... you don't even know what else because the emotions are so overwhelming you feel your chest tighten up and your stomach hurt, your eyes so puffy and teary you could barely see straight. why do we do that, then? why go through all the trouble smiling around when the easiest and most natural thing to do is collapse and let loose a primal scream so fierce it reverberates through your bones and echoes in your soul. why hide an emotion so intense you feel the tingle in your toes and your hands shake but your finger tips go numb?
well everyone travels down that path, and everyone's felt that emotion. but not everyone deals with it the same way. i'm not saying to hide all your emotions and tuck it under your subconscious (although i do have that problem). i'm just saying that it doesn't make your situation better by carrying an obnoxious attitude towards everyone as if the world is against you. but why smile? because sometimes you will yourself to have a nice day, regardless of the cirumstances. because sometimes people look to you for comfort in times of tribulation. sometimes, in a world so full of frustration, sadness, and all the things that can break a man's will... sometimes your smile is all a man needs to restore and reinforce a belief that somehow, some way, everything will be ok. sometimes a person sees the reflection of God in your face, in your smile, and quietly God speaks, "fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand. " (Isaiah 41:10)
current mood:  cheerful
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, June 17th, 2004
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5:58 pm - ...
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SWTRAi68 [1:17 PM]: so how r u????
KooYeahRoN [1:18 PM]: good..
KooYeahRoN [1:18 PM]: have you read lennurd's xanga?
SWTRAi68 [1:19 PM]: nope
SWTRAi68 [1:19 PM]: why?
KooYeahRoN [1:19 PM]: he had an entry in there that made me feel a little guilty
KooYeahRoN [1:19 PM]: about quitting
SWTRAi68 [1:20 PM]: but kuya there's nothing u can do about it now
SWTRAi68 [1:20 PM]: u can't
SWTRAi68 [1:21 PM]: cuz it's not ur fault
SWTRAi68 [1:21 PM]: u were forced to make the decision u made
SWTRAi68 [1:21 PM]: and maybe this'll be for the best
SWTRAi68 [1:21 PM]: maybe they'll figure out that they did screw up
KooYeahRoN [1:21 PM]: i know... i just don't like the fact that they're all affected... even the ones who have been going... but then i don't want to single people out either
SWTRAi68 [1:21 PM]: exactly
SWTRAi68 [1:22 PM]: like u say
SWTRAi68 [1:22 PM]: whatever the youth does they do together
SWTRAi68 [1:22 PM]: they didn't make it to practices together
KooYeahRoN [1:22 PM]: i'm not changing my decision... i'm just not as gung-ho about it as before... actually this was how i felt last saturday night... i WAS pissed off sunday... but i mean... i was more hurt and confused than anything else
SWTRAi68 [1:22 PM]: so together they have to come up with their own thing
KooYeahRoN [1:23 PM]: true
KooYeahRoN [1:23 PM]: i don't want any animosity based on this either
SWTRAi68 [1:23 PM]: there shouldn't be
KooYeahRoN [1:23 PM]: if i do play with geneva (and yeah, it's still an IF)... i might sit out if they play against vf
SWTRAi68 [1:25 PM]: i c
SWTRAi68 [1:25 PM]: well that's ur decision
SWTRAi68 [1:26 PM]: it's been kinda crazy these past few months
SWTRAi68 [1:26 PM]: i'm hoping it'll be better in the future
KooYeahRoN [1:27 PM]: yeah... summer time is when i'll really determine if i should have a talk with the youth at the end of the year if they want me to step down or not
SWTRAi68 [1:29 PM]: *sigh*
SWTRAi68 [1:29 PM]: what is going on???
KooYeahRoN [1:30 PM]: i have no clue... but from what i hear people are just busy
KooYeahRoN [1:30 PM]: i know that people are intimidated by me too and that could stop them from talking to me
KooYeahRoN [1:30 PM]: i'm sure uncle eric and auntie v has issues with valley faith and it's trickling down to the boys
KooYeahRoN [1:30 PM]: the layas... i don't even know
KooYeahRoN [1:31 PM]: specially jephro
KooYeahRoN [1:31 PM]: the tombocs... well they have a lot of things going on
KooYeahRoN [1:31 PM]: jeff usually don't show unless casey will be there
KooYeahRoN [1:31 PM]: i don't know
KooYeahRoN [1:31 PM]: we'll see
KooYeahRoN [1:31 PM]: i work with what i have
KooYeahRoN [1:32 PM]: hopefully this weekend will be a good turnout
KooYeahRoN [1:32 PM]: because i'll be really disappointed (among other things) if it's not
SWTRAi68 [1:32 PM]: yeah i know
SWTRAi68 [1:33 PM]: u think we're not as effective anymore?
KooYeahRoN [1:33 PM]: i don't know
KooYeahRoN [1:33 PM]: that's how it feels like... but we'll see
KooYeahRoN [1:34 PM]: this summer... when no one else has "volleyball practice" or whatever else excuse they'll have
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 15th, 2004
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10:24 pm - bball jones...
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Goldielicious [11:37 AM]: so i hear you want to be with the geneva team
KooYeahRoN [11:38 AM]: hahah... yeah
Goldielicious [11:38 AM]: yea you know you want to be with the winning team hehe jk
KooYeahRoN [11:39 AM]: i want to play with guys who WANT to win
Goldielicious [11:39 AM]: why play if you don't want to win
KooYeahRoN [11:40 AM]: eh... i figure my guys are playing for fun
Goldielicious [11:41 AM]: aren't they going to be a little hurt that you are playing with us
KooYeahRoN [11:41 AM]: probably
KooYeahRoN [11:41 AM]: maybe they shoulda thought of that before flaking on me
KooYeahRoN [11:41 AM]: 18 people signed up
KooYeahRoN [11:41 AM]: 4 to 6 come to practice on average
Goldielicious [11:41 AM]: WHAT
KooYeahRoN [11:42 AM]: yup
Goldielicious [11:42 AM]: that sucks i see why you're mad
Goldielicious [11:42 AM]: i would be pissed too
KooYeahRoN [11:42 AM]: and it's not like i get phone calls too
KooYeahRoN [11:42 AM]: to tell me people are not comming
KooYeahRoN [11:42 AM]: they just don't show
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, June 14th, 2004
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3:42 pm - basketball jones...
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KooYeahRoN [12:52 PM]: hey bro
AIR TRIX [12:53 PM]: hey bro...i just read the email
KooYeahRoN [12:53 PM]: got a roster spot open?
AIR TRIX [12:53 PM]: i guess, but then i haven't really gotten our rosters set yet
KooYeahRoN [12:54 PM]: hey dude... if you want a 6th man and a true point, lemme know
AIR TRIX [12:54 PM]: who?
KooYeahRoN [12:54 PM]: me and marlon
AIR TRIX [12:55 PM]: i thought you have your rosters set already?
AIR TRIX [12:55 PM]: i thought you're captain of one of the VF teams?
KooYeahRoN [12:56 PM]: yeah well
KooYeahRoN [12:56 PM]: people haven't been showing up to practices
KooYeahRoN [12:56 PM]: so i said fuckit
AIR TRIX [12:56 PM]: oh....aight
KooYeahRoN [12:56 PM]: can't even pick up the phone to call me and tell me they aint gonna make it
AIR TRIX [12:57 PM]: we'll see...coz i just started getting everyone from geneva together
KooYeahRoN [12:57 PM]: o ok cool
KooYeahRoN [12:57 PM]: yeah offer's on the table
KooYeahRoN [12:57 PM]: i'll even take a $17M paycut
KooYeahRoN [12:57 PM]: :-D
AIR TRIX [12:57 PM]: dude...but if you me and rick are on the same team...man we'd be a really good team
AIR TRIX [12:58 PM]: i'm sorry bro....but your butts are getting handed to you by the pistons...
KooYeahRoN [12:58 PM]: i know
KooYeahRoN [12:58 PM]: i wouldnt be too bummed if coach brown won though... i love that guy
AIR TRIX [12:58 PM]: yeah...
KooYeahRoN [12:58 PM]: they've been playing like bitches all year anyway
AIR TRIX [12:59 PM]: it's like they're trying to skate thru the whole thing
KooYeahRoN [12:59 PM]: yeah...
KooYeahRoN [12:59 PM]: i think they're scared of the pistons
KooYeahRoN [1:00 PM]: that's how they're playing at least
AIR TRIX [1:00 PM]: and since their intimidation factor just went to the toilet...they're in big trouble....thats like their biggest asset lately
AIR TRIX [1:00 PM]: not really scared, but they didn't give the pistons credit
KooYeahRoN [1:01 PM]: true... their spacing is way off... that's how the pistons have been able to crowd kobe and shaq
AIR TRIX [1:02 PM]: i feel sorry for phil tho...he got kobe to be a playmaker for 5 out of 192 minutes total in the finals
KooYeahRoN [1:02 PM]: yeah
AIR TRIX [1:03 PM]: dude...it's also that kobe's been hogging the ball...throwing up rediculous shots
KooYeahRoN [1:03 PM]: he's frustrated already... that's why
AIR TRIX [1:03 PM]: still...you can pass the ball to someone else if you don't have a shot
KooYeahRoN [1:04 PM]: i know how frustrating it can get when you got 3 guys on you because your teammates can't shoot
KooYeahRoN [1:04 PM]: no one else have scored in double digits for them, that's why i'm afraid they WILL lose
AIR TRIX [1:05 PM]: oh btw..speaking of ball hog...we're running the phil jackson triangle...nic was here a few weekends and we got him and tim running the weakside of the triangle pretty well
KooYeahRoN [1:05 PM]: yeah he told me
AIR TRIX [1:06 PM]: oh ok
AIR TRIX [1:06 PM]: anyway...i can't wait for game 5 tho
KooYeahRoN [1:06 PM]: yeah dude.... you need a spot up shooter.. lemme know
AIR TRIX [1:07 PM]: dude...you know the tex winter's triangle needs a few mid range shooters
KooYeahRoN [1:08 PM]: yeah
KooYeahRoN [1:08 PM]: i can definitely hit that
AIR TRIX [1:09 PM]: yeah so no big deal...and i thought tim and nic to read so we don't really need to call out plays...it's all reading the defense
KooYeahRoN [1:09 PM]: yeah... that sounds really exciting
AIR TRIX [1:09 PM]: yeah...i can't wait
KooYeahRoN [1:09 PM]: i've been trying to get guys to come to practice... we can't even run simple drills because no one shows up
KooYeahRoN [1:10 PM]: i don't think there's anything wrong with playing for fun... but i want to compete.. so obviously i have a different mindset than everyone else except pastor
AIR TRIX [1:10 PM]: yeah...i don't have full rosters up yet...the other guys just graduated hi school so they have been busy lately
KooYeahRoN [1:11 PM]: out of the 18 people who signed up we get an average of 4 to 6 people in practice
AIR TRIX [1:12 PM]: well i have 12 right now, but the people who actually practiced 4...me ricky nic tim
KooYeahRoN [1:12 PM]: o i c
AIR TRIX [1:12 PM]: but i have 2 more big men, 2 more guards, and 4 more swingmen
AIR TRIX [1:13 PM]: we'll see if they can get to practices
KooYeahRoN [1:13 PM]: sounds like a good lineup
AIR TRIX [1:13 PM]: yeah...it does, but the thing is will they show up
KooYeahRoN [1:14 PM]: we only have 2 big men... 3 because the other one's overweight
KooYeahRoN [1:14 PM]: true
AIR TRIX [1:15 PM]: nah, we have nic and mike b...who look like twins from behind and then we have fred who's tall and skinny...thats the 3 big men
KooYeahRoN [1:17 PM]: cool
AIR TRIX [1:18 PM]: joel is our point, but he's unsure if he's available in august...then there's tim, and jamesAc,
KooYeahRoN [1:18 PM]: timmy can play point?
AIR TRIX [1:19 PM]: nah...he plays off...he's the weakside guard
KooYeahRoN [1:20 PM]: i know ian's excited too so i think grace might be another team to look out for
AIR TRIX [1:20 PM]: sweet...i like the prospect of pinole tho
KooYeahRoN [1:20 PM]: nic was saying that if i did end up playing with you guys it wouldn't be fair because we'll be like an all-star team
KooYeahRoN [1:20 PM]: hahah
AIR TRIX [1:20 PM]: even tho gabe is the only one i know who's "to watch out for"
KooYeahRoN [1:21 PM]: yeah pinole looks interesting
KooYeahRoN [1:21 PM]: his brother's ok too i think
AIR TRIX [1:21 PM]: yeah, but i haven't seen his bro play
KooYeahRoN [1:21 PM]: pastor's played him and he said he was good
KooYeahRoN [1:22 PM]: gabe's better though
AIR TRIX [1:22 PM]: if anything you'd be swingman...you can play guard and still bang around with the forwards
KooYeahRoN [1:22 PM]: true
KooYeahRoN [1:23 PM]: for the most part i was just frustrated with the lack of participation from the folkers who signed up on my team so even if i sit out this year it would still save me a world of headaches
KooYeahRoN [1:23 PM]: i just don't want to play witrh vf this year
KooYeahRoN [1:24 PM]: so whether i'm playing with another team or not... i just don't want to be with them this year
AIR TRIX [1:24 PM]: dude...me and ricky were planning to bench ourselve and have an all under21 team...then if we get in troule we can insert ourselves in the lineup
KooYeahRoN [1:25 PM]: true
AIR TRIX [1:25 PM]: all good....that is pretty frustrating if no one goes to practice
KooYeahRoN [1:25 PM]: that's why i'd rather be 6th man
KooYeahRoN [1:25 PM]: even if i played for vf i'd be benching myself too
AIR TRIX [1:26 PM]: man i hope everyone goes tho
KooYeahRoN [1:26 PM]: yeah... you guys are gonna be good
AIR TRIX [1:27 PM]: whats funny is when i was working on me tim nic and ricky...i was like what if we're going to be the only guys running an offense
KooYeahRoN [1:27 PM]: well you guys were the only ones there
AIR TRIX [1:28 PM]: no i meant for the tournament
KooYeahRoN [1:28 PM]: oh
KooYeahRoN [1:28 PM]: haha
AIR TRIX [1:28 PM]: i kow you guys would too, but i wasn't so sure about the others
KooYeahRoN [1:28 PM]: nic runs a good pick n roll
KooYeahRoN [1:29 PM]: just gotta remind him to roll sometimes
AIR TRIX [1:29 PM]: yeahhe does...but now his 2 man with tim is bomb
KooYeahRoN [1:29 PM]: awesome
AIR TRIX [1:30 PM]: i spent a whole saturday with them running 2man games...with me running bailout
KooYeahRoN [1:30 PM]: sweet
AIR TRIX [1:31 PM]: whats cool is every play they did...i stopped and talked to them and them ran the same play over again
KooYeahRoN [1:31 PM]: yeah
AIR TRIX [1:31 PM]: we had our friend JR be tims defender so on picks he knows when to drive, shoot, pass to nic, pass to the bailout
KooYeahRoN [1:32 PM]: well i was hoping i'd get to do that my my guys... but since i'm going to the pi this july i won't be with them for a whole month... and i was hoping i'd get an opportunity before then to coach them but people didn't show up so it's pointless
AIR TRIX [1:33 PM]: on give and goes, nic can read when he can shoot, drive, dribble handoff to tim, pass to tim cutting backdoor, pass to bailout
KooYeahRoN [1:33 PM]: that's pretty sweet
AIR TRIX [1:34 PM]: we're on different sides....3 of my guys are getting back in july, so hopefully they can learn the triangle in a month
KooYeahRoN [1:35 PM]: i'm sure they can... y'all should be able to meet during the weekdays too
KooYeahRoN [1:35 PM]: the closer it gets run some 2-a-day's
AIR TRIX [1:36 PM]: i dunno...the guys who have work (the old school) mght not be able to, but the under21 crew should be able to
KooYeahRoN [1:37 PM]: well make it available
AIR TRIX [1:37 PM]: yeah....
KooYeahRoN [1:37 PM]: if they can't make it, then it's ok
KooYeahRoN [1:37 PM]: but at least the option's there
AIR TRIX [1:38 PM]: man...i can't wait
KooYeahRoN [1:39 PM]: yeah... i'm sure it'll be exciting
KooYeahRoN [1:52 PM]: as far as you know which churches do you think are sending teams?
KooYeahRoN [1:52 PM]: if you can have all 12 people in your team you'd have to cut your team in half
AIR TRIX [1:52 PM]: not really sure...
AIR TRIX [1:52 PM]: yeah, but then again not all of them will be able to make it
KooYeahRoN [1:52 PM]: true
KooYeahRoN [1:54 PM]: yeah i'm probably going to call the lay leader sometime this week
KooYeahRoN [1:54 PM]: and then we can send out the official announcement by the end of june
AIR TRIX [1:54 PM]: cool...did they have a meeting yesterday?
KooYeahRoN [1:54 PM]: i'm not even sure.. but by the time i call they should have had a week or so to discuss it
AIR TRIX [1:55 PM]: thats cool
KooYeahRoN [1:58 PM]: should we ask a nurse to be on standby as well you think?
AIR TRIX [1:58 PM]: yeah...just to be on the safe side...
KooYeahRoN [1:58 PM]: oh wait... goldie will be there
KooYeahRoN [1:58 PM]: booyah
AIR TRIX [1:58 PM]: so it won't be on short notice
AIR TRIX [1:58 PM]: hahahaha
KooYeahRoN [1:59 PM]: awesome
KooYeahRoN [2:00 PM]: can you ask her? how often do you see her?
AIR TRIX [2:00 PM]: everyday
AIR TRIX [2:00 PM]: i'll ask her and rick to do it
KooYeahRoN [2:00 PM]: i'm sure she'd do it... just wanna be official about it
KooYeahRoN [2:00 PM]: ricky?
AIR TRIX [2:00 PM]: yeah...he's a nurse too
KooYeahRoN [2:00 PM]: oh awesome
KooYeahRoN [2:00 PM]: i didn't know that
AIR TRIX [2:01 PM]: yup...
AIR TRIX [2:01 PM]: followed goldie i guess
KooYeahRoN [2:01 PM]: well that's pretty smart... that's where the bank is
KooYeahRoN [2:01 PM]: wasn't nic trying to get into nursing too?
AIR TRIX [2:01 PM]: yeah dude
AIR TRIX [2:01 PM]: yeah he is...he's asking about goldie and ricky's school
KooYeahRoN [2:01 PM]: i just can't stomach it... but if i could shoot i'd get into that too
KooYeahRoN [2:02 PM]: alice is a nursing student as well
KooYeahRoN [2:02 PM]: but at least the goldenator has already passed her exam
AIR TRIX [2:02 PM]: i can't mess with that...blood im fine with, but if it gets more than that i'm out
AIR TRIX [2:03 PM]: yeah...so it's all good
KooYeahRoN [2:03 PM]: hahah... yeah
KooYeahRoN [2:03 PM]: i'm hoping to get the confirmation before thursday so i can email another report to the dt (and you) before friday
AIR TRIX [2:04 PM]: sweet...
KooYeahRoN [2:04 PM]: i'm waiting on nosferatu to email me about the trophy thing... she said she might know a cheaper place
AIR TRIX [2:04 PM]: when you leaving / coming back for PI anyway
KooYeahRoN [2:04 PM]: i'll be back by july 29th
KooYeahRoN [2:04 PM]: i'm leaving june 30th
AIR TRIX [2:04 PM]: she hasn't gotten back to you yet?
KooYeahRoN [2:04 PM]: nah
KooYeahRoN [2:04 PM]: she said her momma's looking for it
AIR TRIX [2:04 PM]: oh alright
KooYeahRoN [2:05 PM]: she hasn't gotten back to me since
KooYeahRoN [2:05 PM]: oh well... i think we're doing good
AIR TRIX [2:05 PM]: hmmm...all good
KooYeahRoN [2:07 PM]: i'll get online at internet cafes in the pi too so keep me posted... i don't even know who the youth coordinators are for each church so i'm not sure who to talk to about the individual booths
KooYeahRoN [2:07 PM]: i know pinole will provide a ping pong table and will host their own mini tournament
AIR TRIX [2:07 PM]: oooooh...thats cool
KooYeahRoN [2:07 PM]: and if worse comes to worse we can just have vf set up a booth that provides all snacks and refreshments
KooYeahRoN [2:08 PM]: if none of the other youth groups are interested
KooYeahRoN [2:08 PM]: yeah larry came up with that
AIR TRIX [2:08 PM]: how are we going to reserve the bball court?
KooYeahRoN [2:08 PM]: i don't know yet
KooYeahRoN [2:08 PM]: do you know if we need a special permit for that?
AIR TRIX [2:09 PM]: i'd like to get there early to set up something so they know we have court
KooYeahRoN [2:09 PM]: yeah that's what i was thinking too... but out some "caution" tape or something
AIR TRIX [2:09 PM]: was thinking of that, but it's a public park...i dunno if they have permits for that
AIR TRIX [2:09 PM]: hmmm...maybe
KooYeahRoN [2:10 PM]: maybe we can call someone?
KooYeahRoN [2:11 PM]: it's in fremont or union city?
AIR TRIX [2:11 PM]: i think fremont...lemme ask around
KooYeahRoN [2:12 PM]: you remember the name of the park?
AIR TRIX [2:12 PM]: nope...
KooYeahRoN [2:12 PM]: dang... ok coz i think we can just look it up on the web or something
AIR TRIX [2:13 PM]: lemme look it up...i'm pretty sure theyd have a park listing somewhere
KooYeahRoN [2:13 PM]: remember what street it's on?
AIR TRIX [2:14 PM]: i can't think of it right at the moment...
KooYeahRoN [2:14 PM]: ok cool
KooYeahRoN [2:14 PM]: City of Fremont - Playgrounds
AIR TRIX [2:15 PM]: gimme the address...i can't click on the link...somethings wrong with my aol browser
KooYeahRoN [2:15 PM]: http://www.ci.fremont.ca.us/Recreation/PicnicReservations/default.htm
KooYeahRoN [2:16 PM]: http://www.ci.fremont.ca.us/Recreation/Playgrounds/default.htm
AIR TRIX [2:16 PM]: ok
KooYeahRoN [2:17 PM]: ok i gotta go back to work... see if you can find out about a permit or whatever
AIR TRIX [2:17 PM]: aight
AIR TRIX [2:17 PM]: later bro
KooYeahRoN [2:17 PM]: ok bro... peace
current mood:  disappointed
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, June 13th, 2004
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3:58 am
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| Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
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1:22 pm - busy...
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haven't had a public post in a long minute so here goes...
the last weekend of may (memorial day weekend) i went to this anime convention in downtown san jo, FanimeCon. it was cool. aside from the con, that weekend was pretty terrible for me. for one, i found out that the youth group was about to get screwed (i didn't let it happen), i got volunteered to participate in the martial arts exhibition for the church anniversary sunday (i dropped out), and rj was being irresponsible. ok, he asks animae to come over because she's going to be home alone so he invites her to stay the night at my place. next thing you know, he's going to work. so i left the con with larry and angelo and kicked it with anne for a while. no big deal. glad to do it. miriam came down and we all had dinner with rice and regi, and then after rice and regi took off we went to bubble for some dessert and then watched "Shrek 2". so it's all gravy. however, after rj gets home, he decides to head out to the party. anne didn't want to go because she was tired so he ditches her. i ended up staying with her until she fell asleep and then met up with larry and angelo back at the con. i'm not sure he gets it. i talked to him a couple of days later about it, and whether he gets it or not, it's up to him. he got let go from wells fargo because he overslept (for the second time in less than 2 weeks). sometimes it just seems like i babysit him, and i hate that feeling. i don't even feel like talking to him about things that much because i don't think he gets it. he's going to do what he's going to do and that's that. it's almost like talking to my dad...
this month has been busy and it looks like it won't let up. ryan and i were supposed to go to st. paul's last sunday to ask for their permission to use their facilities for the bball tourney in august but he bails out. i ask for his contact's (arvin reyes) information so i can talk to him but i didn't get his email until AFTER i got back from st. paul. GAH. it just feels like i'm shouldering most of this shit because i'm the one who's been doing the majority of reporting to the DT and i've had to go to st. paul's to fill out an official form. but when i go to the philippines i hope he can hold his ground taking the rosters and registration money in... that's why i'm not trippin so much. i'm taking care of business now but from the end of this month until the end of july HE'LL be the one handling shit. i'm sure he'll be fine. he HAS to be. oh well... i found out that when you lower your expectations of people you don't get disappointed that much anymore. i just don't expect much from people anymore. most of the phone calls i get are from people who need a shoulder to cry on or those who needs help or advise. which is cool... i don't mind being there for them. but damn, do you ONLY call when you need something? i'm not going to name names, because there's too fucking many. it'll be easier to name names of people who call because they want to talk to me. period.
so this month, i have to finish setting up the basketball tournament, head the youth carwash, and work overtime here at work. i don't mind the extra hours... cash is hard to come by. i oughta take a picture of a $20 bill sometime so i'd remember what it looks like... hahah. and then all july i'll be in the philippines. i come back the last weekend of july and that weekend i'm going to see michael w. smith and mercyme in concert at great america. then it's august. first weekend of august there's the church family camping trip, 2nd weekend the bball tourney, 3rd weekend is the ci leader training, and before school starts we gotta have our 2nd trimester birthday celebrations with the youth group. and then september hits and we're busy at work again. i doubt i'll have free time until october, and by that time we'll be finishing up the pasasalamat project and the ci projects will be in full swing.
awesome.
another thing that's frustrating is the lack of attendance when we play ball. gah. if people aren't going to show up for practices, maybe i should sign onto another team. i don't think i can do that though... i know there will be some repercussions if i do that. but come on... you wanna play, right? GAH!
ok, i'm done bitching. i'mma leave this one public because dammit... it's MY JOURNAL.
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| Sunday, May 16th, 2004
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9:18 pm - ineffective...
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ok.... originally i ordered 20 tickets for the great america trip. cost the youth group $729.81. and then there were hella people who cancelled in the last minute. eventually there were only 13 of us. wait.... there's MORE!! they didn't have the tickets i reserved!! the person who helped me out was very cool... stayed with me until we were able to sort things out. in the end we got our tickets, i got 15 (at this point i haven't heard of the last of the flakers yet). i think the worst part about people flaking on me was the fact that most of them didn't even have the decency to tell me themselves. everyone knows my cell number. i don't know. sometimes it just doesn't feel like i'm getting through to some these kids. i'm having doubts of if they will be better off without me. i don't know if i'm still effective. i mean, the newbies i can understand if they want to come to an event because so-so will be there or because they think it'll be fun. but those who have been there for years? i thought you'd go because it's a spiritual-driven experience. you make sacrifices for these kids, and you rack your brains out to try to please people and cater to everyone's individuality, and you put your life on hold numerous times. if i'd known i was going to get screwed, i would have rather just spent the day with my grandmother. it's her 75th birthday and with the way things are going who knows how many more i'll get to spend with her? all y'all suckas think y'all are the only ones who have lives?! ahite.... i see how it is.
but my promise is that i'll be here until someone kicks me out. i intend to live up to that. i don't even know what i want anymore. if i want to stay or if i want to go. i want to play the cards that are dealt to me. whatever the situation is.... whether i'm here or not.... i just want to move forward already.
current mood: disappointed
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| Wednesday, May 5th, 2004
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4:42 pm - vengeance...
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sister just called... crying... i'm so tempted to pick up my arnis sticks and beat his face in... break every bone in his body... dislocate his jaw so he can't talk shit... but leave his eyes and ears untouched so he'll always see and hear me in his nightmares.... ONE OF THESE DAYS YOU'LL GET WHAT YOU DESERVE, MOTHERFUCKER!!
current mood:  irate
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| Friday, April 16th, 2004
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9:46 am - long time no (public) post so here goes...
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actually, i'm not even sure what to write. i do most of my blogging on xanga now and i guess that's a good thing since i primarily use my blurty account to bitch about the world. it's not that i don't have anything to bitch about, it's just nothing really bothers me alot. bought some groceries yesterday and it cost $150!! good grief!! well some of that should last a while. i couldn't find any vegetarian chicken nuggets so i had to get some extra cup o noodles for alice. everything's starting to settle down, in terms of how things flow in the house. rj does the dishes and i usually take out the garbage, so that's cool. and then everything else, we share the burden. i really do want that second job now, just so i can pay off some credit card debts. i'm close to paying off one of them and i'm sure i can do it when my tax returns come on. so that's one credit card i don't have to worry about. also, my car needs some serious attention. i've been meaning to get her to the shop for a much needed oil change and tire checks. i think the break pads are wearing down. dangit. how much is that gonna cost? hmm.
anywho, things are still kinda quiet in terms of the lovelife. i'm not getting any responses from cel (which is cool) so i'll try my luck with asha. kinda hesitant about that but oh well. i'm not really stressin about it because it's not like i'm trying really hard. i'm just fishing... hehe. if it bites, it bites. if not... i'm just waiting for fish to come to me. in a way the most work i've done is moving the boat a little farther into the sea, so to speak. but i'm still not diving in there and chasing after them. i don't have the time for that.
speaking of time i'm just making due on the vow i made to myself to go out more this year. i guess i have been.. and it's cost me in some ways. there have been a couple of days i took off from work just to rest. haha. oh well. choices and decisions, cause and effect, repercussion and consiquence. that's all there is to the real world. ok, enough jibber jabber, i'm out.
current mood:  calm
current music: "Flashback" by Kelis
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| Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004
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11:18 pm - GRR...
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| Thursday, February 26th, 2004
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1:28 pm - ashes to ashes...
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headed to Ash Wednesday last night. really good sermon. pastor fel talked a little about the movie ("The Passion of The Christ", what else?) and the rest of his message was really good. he posed a question that got me thinking all night: WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PRAYED WITH ANGUISH? i know what he meant, the last time i actually went balls-out cried in prayer, not just singing the doxology or those prayers we learned in sunday school when we were kids. he referred to most pictures of Jesus praying in the garden of Gethsemane, where He sits there calm and collected. Chuck Swindol had said that that depiction is wrong. anyway, i do remember the last time i prayed with anguish, and it was the day off we had. a lot of you didn't know, but that was when i got into a huge fight with my mom. i remember driving home from hayward, and the song "Take Me Away" by Lifehouse came on. i started singing along, and next thing you know i'm crying, praying to God, "take me away, take me away... i've got nothing left to say, JUST TAKE ME AWAY"... it was the same HONEST prayer that David used to sing, the same HONEST prayer that we sometimes repress. a lot of Christians stay calm during times of troubles, and rightfully so. we KNOW things will be ok. but i also believe that God wants us to be as honest and candid in prayer as we would crying on our bestfriend's shoulder.
anyway, after the service i went home for a quick minute and then headed to the theaters. cel and err's service ran late, so we had to wait for them. rj picked up raisa a little late, so had to wait for him too. i got there at 8:45, half an hour before the movie starts, and there are no lines. ok, i'm confused. little skeptical too. raisa and rj got there at around 9pm and rai and i went inside to look for seats... theater was like a schoolboy's pb&j sandwich... PACKED. we found some seats up top, waaay in the back. we actually had to squeeze 4 people in three seats, good thing the armrests go up. ok fine, the movie...
i couldn't describe it last night, but i was able to think of a word that is adequate to describe it... POWERFUL. i was describing it to my co-worker just a few minutes ago and i felt my voice tremble again as tears formed in my eyes. i didn't see any evidence of what Jewish people might consider offensive, and if anything, the movie was pretty objective in describing what happened. some key thoughts about the movie...
? how can the people just stand there and watch Him get flogged and crucified?! but then i looked around and realized, HOW CAN WE JUST SIT HERE AND WATCH HIM GET FLOGGED AND CRUCIFIED?? further proof of the fact that our society has somewhat devolved into something close to the culture back then. whereas they can watch people get executed and punished, we have executions that are televised too. and the only thing that differs a tarantino movie and the spectacles they called crucifixion back in the day is the script. they're just movies, right? however they do depict rather graphically what things we (sadly) enjoy watching. someone can't just get shot anymore, the bullet has to go through his body. and why just jump out of a burning building when we can make it explode too? (ok, most of you probably can't pick up the sarcasm here, but it's here.). i'm not saying i'm about to stand in the picket line and protest or anything, it's just an observation.
? the movie is VERY graphic, and walking out of the theater i saw a couple of kids who are probably no older than 9.
? there's a scene when peter felt such shame for denying Jesus that he couldn't look Mary in the eye. that's probably the scene in the movie that connects with me the most. how many times have we denied Jesus by going back to doing things that are not pleasing to God? or not speaking up when injustice is being done? or looking straight ahead pretending not to see a homeless person looking straight through your car window in the middle of traffic?
? i believe that the people who chanted for Jesus' crusifixion were the same people He ticked off in the temple just days before (ie Jesus walks into the temple and finds that it has been turned into a mall. He flips and starts tossing things around.). think about it. people who lived in the actual city were all merchants and traders, people that Jesus ticked off. whereas people who followed Jesus to listen to His teachings were the poor people, mostly the ones who live in the outskirts of the city. this movie reaffirms that theory. the further from the city Jesus got (on His way to the crucifixion), the more the crowd begged the soldiers to let Him go. i'm not saying that this is the truth, but it's good to see that there's someone else out there who believes the same thing i do.
ok, so back to the movie itself. i highly recommend it. i highly recommend bringing a box of kleenex too. i don't want people to watch it. i want them to EXPERIENCE IT. there were times during the beatings when my stomach began to turn. not necessarily because it's a violent scene, but because i KNOW the guy getting his face punched in. the most powerful thing i've ever seen was back in '96, the first time i gave my life to Christ, a man named Dick McEwan, whom i've sang with in the church choir and has helped support my first steps, gave me a sketch (he's a very talented artist). it was a sketch of Jesus, but in a way that i've never seen Him before. His left eye was puffed shut, His face a little swollen, blood and tears trickling down his face. but the part that really gets me, is His other eye, the one that's still open. it's looking ahead. it's filled with so much love and compassion, determination and pain. that single picture has spoken volumes to me. and to see it in live action last night left me breathless. you don't just see the movie, you're a part of it. the audience was quiet from start to finish, except when you hear whimpers and sniffles. you feel yourself cringe, gasp and cry along with everyone in the theater for every crack of the whip, every punch in the face, every kick in the stomach, and ultimately, every nail that pierced His flesh.
i can sit here and talk on end about this movie until Jesus comes back, but i am still at work, and i do have a lot to finish still. besides work i need to write an article on the movie for the church newsletter, aside from my trip to modesto tonight. so one thing i urge you to do, EXPERIENCE THE MOVIE. i leave you with the song i listened to on heavy rotation last night....
Can't Take The Pain
Lyrics by Mac Powell / Music by Third Day
From the recording: Time, Track #8.
No, I didn't see this one coming
It suddenly snuck up on me
I can't say you didn't tell me so
I can't say you didn't warn me
I can't take the pain of knowing that I left You
I can't bear the shame of knowing I was wrong
But I'll take the blame for everything that I've done
I can't take the pain of leaving you alone
Of leaving you alone
I was there when they accused you
but I guess I was too afraid
Not just once and not just twice
But three times I denied your name
I never thought I'd get even a second chance
But you've given that and so much more
And then for every time I ever did deny
You ask me if I love you, You know I do, Lord
So I'm off to follow in your steps
it won't be easy, it's safe to say
There are only two roads I can walk on down
The road less traveled is the one you paved
Lord, You took the pain even though I left You
And You took the shame and You made it all Your own
Why'd you take the blame for everything that I've done?
Lord, You took the pain
You and You alone, You and You alone
current mood:  loved
current music: "Can't Take The Pain" by Third Day
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| Friday, February 20th, 2004
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5:04 pm - momma...
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at around 11pm last night, i heard the door open downstairs. i looked over the rail and saw raisa and tochie standing infront of the door saying "tao po..". then my mom walked in, holding safeway bags in both hands. i ran downstairs and hugged her. i hugged her and began to cry. she looked at me and said, "are you alright? doesn't look like it"... and proceeded to bring in bags and bags of groceries. toks and rai had come in a couple of hours earlier to hang out, the first time i saw toks after after about a nearly 2 weeks. i miss that kid. my mom and toks hung out for a couple of hours. we talked a little. and basically she let me know where i stand... that she's still there. no matter how hurt she is with what i've done, she knows i'm not doing this to hurt her. and she's still there. she may not support me 100% but she supports me enough. i saw them drive away, and after i closed the door i couldn't help but smile... and cry. thanks mama.
current mood: cheerful
current music: "Huiyi zhi qian, wangji zhi hou (Before Memory, After Forgetting)" by Wong Fung from the movie "Beijing Rocks"
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| Thursday, February 19th, 2004
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4:50 pm - image is everything....
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i was just in the restroom... thinking about stuff. nothing specific, but a thought that came across and stuck was that i'm a heckuvalot more image-conscious now than i was in high school. i'm not just talking about outside apprearances. i'm talking about what people know about me. back in high school, what you see is what you get. nowadays what you see is what i let you see. i'm honest to myself, but a lot less honest to people. i guess after i realized how much my reputation precedes me, i've become increasingly aware of how i present myself. i can't always control what people will think about me... but you can do so to a certain degree. sometimes it's a strength, other times it's a downfall. take phone calls for instance. specially when i call one of my girls in the youth group. if i introduce myself as "ron", no matter how polite i am i'm still going to get a colder reception than if i introduce myself as "kuya ron". strange indeed, but true. i've seen it happen. that's the strength part. another case, where a girl liked me for me, liked "ron", but didn't want to get into a relationship in large part because of the expectations and responsibilities being "kuya ron's girlfriend" carried. strange, but it happened. i'm not really complaining, mind you. and i don't really expect too many people to understand. just an observation. very few people succeed in this world by staying true to themselves. very few. buh-lee-dat.
current mood:  amused
current music: "Light In Your Eyes" by Sheryl Crow
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| Tuesday, February 17th, 2004
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8:48 am - take me away...
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how do you go from the top of the world to the pitts of despair in a matter of hours? if you had my parents as yours, this would be a regular thing. so, friday i found out we can move for sure. i was so hyped. i didn't care about anything else, i was happy.
boss tells me i had to get something out, ended up skipping lunch for it while he promised to let me go early. when i was supposed to go, however, alas, my hapless ethiopian coworker had been swarmed and begged for help. =\... ended up working close to 9 hours without much of a break that day. i didn't care though, i was happy.
went home, raisa had wanted to go out. it was cool... i always look forward to spending time with my sister. it'll be the first time "the charmed ones" hang out together in a while. ran late, but it's no biggie. i was stoked. next thing you know, rj had to go. raisa had to go. ended up going to abigail's house to chill. i didn't care though, i was happy.
saturday move day came, we met up with auntie marcia to get the keys and started the actual move around 1pm. alice came with rj, but it seemed like while they were at my folks house, they spend half the time on the computer. at least raisa was there to cover my ass, despite her not being able to stay as long as we hoped. still a big help though. tried to bounce around between the move and church, where we had our fundraiser going. i was dog tired. by 9:30pm, i'm collapsing on the modular floor. by 1am, i'm driving down with my left eye half open. rj finished moving the last batch for that night, and he brought along some friends. he sits there and plays with my cheeks infront of his friends and when i stuck out my tongue and happened to lick his finger, he slaps me and says, "don't do that" right infront of his friends. if it was our friends, maybe it wouldnt be so bad. but i was just embarrassed that night and i was out of it too much that it didnt hit me till the next day. i didn't care though, i was happy.
sunday, woke up at 8:30am and despite having only 5 hours of sleep, i started moving stuff upstairs already. rj had spent the night at the folks house to be with my gramma so i was alone. i had my day figured out: walmart to buy some essentials at 9am, come home by 10:30, be ready for church, make it on time, go back home after the youth meeting, get stuff a bit more organized, and people can just come over. had it all figured out. well while i was at walmart, i get this call from my mom. she asks where i was and i tell her where. she then suggests that why don't we just move to our old place in oakland road since her tennants are moving out at the end of the month. ok, why didn't she tell me this sooner?! i had been bugging auntie marcia for the last 2 weeks to get her place ready and then the day after we move, my mom wants us to move all our stuff again?! she says it like it's no big deal. that's when i started mulling over the decision whether which place i'll move into. that was also the beginning of this sick feeling in my stomach. suddenly, my whole day, my whole weekend, went up in flames. i didn't even make it to church. i was just so out of it. i finally decide to just stay at auntie's place. that's when i started feeling a tightness in my chest. by this time, it had dawned on me how bad this weekend was. it felt like i had this invincibilty shield on me at the beginning of the weekend and the effects are wearing off.
monday my mom calls and wonders where we are. i said we're staying, she says "ok fine" and hangs up on me. matt had come over the night before, and soon cel, lawrence, and lennurd had come over too. it was fun. till i got that second call from my mom. she was wondering why all our stuff had been moved out. i was confused because i thought she knew we were mving out.... i don't know what her definition of "moving out" was but apperently, she wasn't taking us seriously. once again, if it's about us and my dad, she's not taking it seriously. we go at it on the phone. she's making these claims that we're trying to get away from her. i said it's not true because she can visit and that we'll see each other at church. she said she's not going to church anymore because she says it's valley faith that's brainwashed us to think like this. i flipped. i slipped and said if it wasn't for church, i woulda killed her husband already. she says listen to me talk, and i stand on the pulpit like this?!? ok... at this point, i'm speechless. how come when my dad's being an asshole, she shrugs it off and says it's because he was raised that way and his dad was like that to him. but when i'm being an asshole, it's because of church. WHAT THE FUCK?!?! it's not her talking anymore, it's my dad. he's the conspiracy theorist who believes that everyone and everything is against him. i wasn't talking to my mom.... this was my dad in her head, and i was done. she hangs up on me again. fine. i end up punching a hole in the wall in rj's room. dagnabbit. the rest of the day goes on, life goes on. if it wasn't for lawrence and cel being there, this day would have been a helluva lot worse.
so now we really are on our own. not like i wasn't prepared to cut ties anyways. still hurts though. driving home from cel's house last night i was listening to lifehouse's "take me away".... at that moment, that was my prayer. i was singing, screaming to God to take me away. i was in so much pain that it was affecting my body. my stomach felt sick, my chest felt tight. i was singing and the tears began to form at the bottom of my eyes and finally trickle down my cheeks. TAKE ME AWAY......
so now, i'm even more determined to make it on my own. when i lived with my dad i was able to sustain his verbal abuse because i was confident that i can make it on my own. now i have to prove it to myself, and once and for all, prove it to everyone else. or die trying. either way, i'm not comming back.
current mood:  crushed
current music: "Take Me Away" by Lifehouse
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| Friday, February 6th, 2004
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7:05 am - scarred...
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i was at my folks' house last night. my dad had gone to drop off raisa in modesto, and my mom asked me to pick up my gramma to go to church. i kept asking, "is ando gone?". i didn't want to see him. and the whole time i was there i was dumping stuff into my trunk. got some more clothes (dagnabbit, shoulda gotten more underoos), got my ps2 and all my games, jacket, yada yada yada. the whole time i was just running up and down the stairs and up and down the driveway. i don't know why i was so scared. the whole time i was in that house i was uncomfortable, and i had this sick feeling in my stomach. i don't know why i was so scared. it's not that he's gonna come home and we'll get in a big ol fight, coz i can whoop him if i wanted to. but i just didn't want to see him anymore. i don't want to know what he's going to say. that's what hurts the most. the shit he says. i'm scarred for life. but that's how i felt. and then on the way to church my gramma was talking about what's been going on. this was the first time i sat down and talked to her since this whole ordeal started. her bp is off the charts, she's gotta take it easy. while she was talking i was looking ahead but i can see at the corner of my eye that she's getting teary. her voice kept trailing off. but she understands. got to spend time with toks last night too. we went bowling. i miss that kid. we made our own handshake... hehe. well, anyway. we're getting ready to move into the townhouse soon so that's what's up with that. well bossman is here so i gotta boogie.
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| Thursday, January 22nd, 2004
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7:41 am - hopeful...
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Artist: Superchick
Album: Last One Picked
Song: I Belong To You
everybody needs to belong somewhere
life can feel so alone without someone who cares
and when life becomes something just to get through
that's when i'm glad that i belong to you
[chorus]
i belong to you i belong to you
you're the one who will never let me down
won't let me down
Lord, i belong to you
sometimes life brings more pain than we can bear alone
when hope is gone and i have no strength to stand on my own
when nothing helps there's nothing that i can do
you surround me and show me i belong to you
[chorus]
when love is gone, there's no arms to run to anymore
i'm all alone there's no one for me to live for
letting go of the things i've always clung to
that's when i need to feel that i belong to you
i was listening to this song on the way home from cel's house last night, and i felt a calm and a serenity go over me like i haven't felt in a while. i've been telling everyone that i'm fine, and everything's going to be alright, and starting last night, for the first time in a long time, I ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT. the outpouring love and support through these rough times have been almost overwhelming, and i can't be any more grateful than i am now.
current mood: calm
current music: "I Belong To You" by Superchic[k]
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| Wednesday, December 10th, 2003
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11:03 am - time..
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A TIME TO KEEP
_________________________
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NRSV)
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under
heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to throw away stones,
and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
_________________________
This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in
it.
-- Psalm 118:24 (NRSV)
_________________________
WHEN I moved into a mobile home this year I was quite pleased to find
the peacefulness and sense of security it afforded. But my thoughts
turned sad when I reflected on the elderly couple who were forced to
leave this their home of many years due to deteriorating health. Even
though I had not met them, I had a desire to know what their lives
were like.
An old calendar had been left behind, filled with notations of
appointments. How active they had been at one time! Now, all their
memories were either gone or fading. But they had enjoyed life.
Seeing their calendar reminded me that life is too short to miss even
one day. While we are given no guarantees about our future, today we
can be nourished by God's love and nourish those around us. The
author of Ecclesiastes repeats again and again the phrase "a time."
We honor God when we look at each day as a time for something
particularly good and meaningful.
Prayer: Lord, keep us from investing so much in the future that we
miss this moment and season of life. Remind us often that our time
here on earth is short, and let us enjoy your gifts of life and love
while we have them. Amen.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
Be grateful for the love-filled experiences of today.
-- Tim Schultz (New York, U.S.A.)
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| Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003
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5:38 pm - eh?....
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Congratulations, Ronald!
Your IQ score is 127
This number is the result of a formula based on how many questions you answered correctly on Emode's Ultimate IQ test. Your IQ score is scientifically accurate; to read more about the science behind our IQ test, click here.
During the test, you answered four different types of questions ? mathematical, visual-spatial, linguistic and logical. We analyzed how you did on those questions, which reveals the way your brain uniquely works.
We also compared your answers with others who have taken the test, and according to the sorts of questions you got correct, we can tell your Intellectual Type is an Insightful Linguist.
This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.
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| Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003
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11:35 pm - come fly with me...
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i'm going to take you on a little ride with me in my rsx. just a little carspeak to describe my baby right quick... 165 hp sportshift. sportshift meaning i can let the engine shift itself or i can flick it over and shift it manually. 165 hp might not be enough for some guys, but i'me inlove with my car. i fell inlove with her the first time i saw her. fell inlove with her going 95 mph in the hills of hwy 152, overlooking the san luis obispo mountains and the lake below. i fell inlove with her flying down hwy 5 at 105 mph. i fell inlove with her going 110 mph in the middle of the night down hwy 46. yes, i love my baby .
anyway, i'd ask you to close your eyes but then you wouldnt be able to read what i'm about to type. so sit back, let your imagination take you where i've been. i've lived in san jose for about 5 years now and i pity the fool who hasn't seen it the way i have...
i'm comming out of the gym and i look up to i see the clouds setting in. i saw a half moon on the way here, but by now the sky is covered with gray clouds, no moon, no stars...
the car pulls out and i'm driving... i pop in my percussions jazz cd. everyone is clamoring to get into the freeway.. i opt to take the side roads. behind us, empty streets with mellow yellow street lights. ahead of us, hills and the open road. right before we begin our first climb, i shift the car from auto to manual. the gear is on 4th and i shift down to 2. the engine roars as we feel a slight push and a sudden burst of power and we go from a pedestrian 3rpm to 5rpm before you even think "HOT DIGGITY!!". within an instant the car speeds up from 40 to 65. we climb up the hill the only cars you see are the ones we pass and the ones we're about to pass. barely anyone there.
as we decend downhill i downshift again, this time not to speed up but to slow down. the engine roars once again and reduces our speed steadily. with my right hand on the shift knob and my left hand on the steering wheel, we zig and zag through these hills down silver creek valley road. we make a right turn and begin the climb of the next hill.
this time around the gear starts from 2nd, and 165 horses zoom us up the mountain. with the windows down we look over our shoulders and we see more of those mellow yellow street lights scattered all over san jose. at the peak of this hill you can see nearly the whole city. to the left, downtown with it's towers and colorful lights. to the right, the dark, quiet hills blocking the horizon. everything in between are houses and streetlights and minimarts. people having dinner don't even realize we're looking at their house from several miles away (or above..?). she's going steady at 60mph while stro goes into an insane drum solo and mr j struggles to keep up with his freestyle lyrics. the moon roof is open at this point and you feel close to the sky. you stick your left arm out of the roof, digits extended. you feel the wind flowing through your fingertips and you'd swear you' almost touched a cloud.... almost.
as we decend, again, i downshift. we finally stop at the corner of san felipe and silver creek valley road. the trip itself was a fewminutesshort, but i feel i've added a few more minutes to my life. the view has never ceased to amaze me. the serene scene is always a point of calm for me. whether i'm comming home from a good day at church or a 16-hour workday, i make it a point to drive that road. as i shift back from manual to auto, i thank you for joining me. hopefully you'll join me again sometime .
current mood: calm
current music: "Autobhan" by Anberlin
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