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Alyce's Journal

22nd October, 2004. 5:19 pm. ahh

so another week has gone by. i've dropped one character and met another. I won't label him a character as yet. So what's new?????

I took my first exam and midterm at the Montclair State University. I'll find out how I did on Wednesday.
My parents are still on their lil mission to make my life as complicated as possible but your girl is pulling through. Tryin to get my money issues worked out.
I CUT MY HAIR! yup, it looks nice. I've been wearing it down a lot. People like it.

There's a lot of shit I need to do.

-get some money in my accounts
-pay off credit card bills
-i need to buy some winter clothes, went down to new orleans and forgot about how the weather gets up here.
-my birthday is in a couple of months, theres gonna be a PARTAY!!!! In fact there is going to be THREE PARTIES!!!

December 17th at my house, the 18th at Abyss and sometime mid January in New Orleans!!!!

-gotta buy a plane ticket soon
-gotta send out lil notes to folks about the 17th

did u know ill be 21!! i dont quite know why i am so excited but then again im not that suped cause shit dont change around here anyway but im workin that out.

-i need to get another job. workin with the kids doesnt pay that much
- i need to pick my classes
-i need to see my advisor
-i need to make an appointment and go to the dermatologist
-i need to find time to lose weight (hahaha)
- have to get these nails done

plans for tonight have be cancelled and rescheduled for another night. so what am i going to do, everybody seems to be in town this weekend. what am i goin to do? ahh thats it, i still have yet to getto red lobster, im gonna have to get into that then. i wonder if my mother is up to shoppin with me.... lets see.

lala, im writin for you.

Current mood: restless.

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8th October, 2004. 12:03 am. before bed

there was this one character who i have to say gives new meaning to meshell ndblueblue's (ill get it one day) song. you know the one from love and basketball.... u made a fool of me. listened to that shit today and almost cried. had to think about the things that distanced me from him to slap myself back to reality.

i was like that little girl who tasted candy for the first time. turns out that shit creates cavities. but see i had my daddy to warn me...however many years later i dismissed my dads words for my own and well i lol i have 5 cavities and im still tryin to put my heart and feelings back together.

whatever it was a learning experience they say and life is a bitch others say but shit life didnt have to bitch at me for me to learn somethin damnit!
i liked the boy like no other (and understand me ive never held feelings for neone so even the slightest thing is a big deal...eventually ill move on but shit ya girl felt something for once almost enough to consider reevaluating her principles) and unlike usual i was forced to move on. everyone knows in my eyes if you weren't shit then u arent shit thats basically how i deal with ya...but i never encounter the you were becoming shit...I dont even know how to finish that statement. I still feel incomplete about it. would even say id rather not talk to him ever again but lord knows...neway, those after have yet to compare even my boys attendin ivy league schools, workin at banks, playin semi-pro football or even travelin the globe promotin cds and shit...

i might come off complex but im really a simple girl.
just pay attention, lol that's how it all began....ask him.

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1st October, 2004. 9:48 pm.

at the end of the day...nobody is just trying to just be friends. Don't let anybody fool you with that bullshit. K--- said to me that "they just gave up." I took that to mean once a boy figures out or you tell them you aren't tryin to F neone or go down any road like that a boy stops tryin...stops callin, stops wantin to chill..disappears...then you have these other boys (yes I am a 20 year old young lady calling these characters BOYS) who don't believe a word you say, tryin to charm you, tryin to figure you out who for a SLIGHT second almost get a girl to think shit is all good when it's really just a fucking game, a game called "how can i get this girl." hunny i can't be got, it happened one time and that character missed out. shit like that wont ever happen again, mark my fucking words.

oohh, less than perfect-fri @ 9:30, I like that show. I gotta write this stuff down cause i forget. 8-10 Fri, top model and kevin hill repeats. 10 Fri, real world repeat.

done for now

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30th September, 2004. 9:16 pm. blurty, hahahhah

i like that word.... blurty...makes my lips wobbly like stan's. LMAO. Wobbly, i like that word too...i'm silly. so im watchin/listenin to the presidential debate... george bsuh is a shorty wierd lookin man, i never really looked at him before. and his facial expressions and body movements he looks perturb (i like that word too, spelled it right the first time too, GO ME!!!).

Quote for today: never deprive someone of hope, it might be all they have.

I know I need to work on that but I also need to work on differentiating between supporting and dealing with. I know I can't deal with someone who all they have is opposed to action and physical effort but I can support/sympathize/listen to someone who's just tryin to make it...

word...what is up with this depleted uranium...another dilemma african american woman have to face...lemme stop! Another dilemma the world has to deal with. ight feel me on this... we are dealin with a lot now-a-days (i know cause im not as focused as i should be) our men are gay, undercover brothers, frustrated and discouraged, uneducated, angry, aids, players, drug dealers, incarcerated, weak, other races, misguided, uninterested, impractical, hostile, conflicted, (the majority who joined the military just to make somethin better of themselves) gone over seas, seen things no man should see, exposed to depleted uranium (have u heard what that shit can do??? and the lack of military support.. where the hell is my hope?? in bush oh hell even kerry...whats going to happen to the african american community once this war is over (win or lose)? F the division, those who had it better than others, we're all affected by this.
what the hell am i talkin about? WHAT IS THE RIGHT WAY?? none of these men can fix the problems we are having right here in the us what is the right way to fix whats goin on in other country..other countries with different views, traditions, ideas, principles so forth and so heart is distressed and i am perplexed...what can i do?

vote, stay in school, graduate, do my part to help strengthen the economy, follow the golden rule, volunteer and give back to my people, become one of the few percent of minorities involved in health care, travel....and then what? _ _ _, yeah i hate that word. i guess that's a terrible way to put it but i sure can understand the fact that some people have nothin to live for and that's why they do the shit they do...

man ive just typed a whole bunch of nothing.

like usual

i want bush out but im not sure kerry can do ne better and bush sure does look good in that tie. lmao..imma fool.

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25th September, 2004. 12:57 am. in on another friday night

i have to keep a list of the movies I want to see...
-shark tale
-ladder 49 (i think thats what it is called)
-the forgotten
-mr. 3000
-vanity fair
-team areica: world police

I think I want to date a white man. Like Nema Williams on BET; you know one of those urban white boys who has their shit together. Black men are such a disappointment :(. They have soo much to prove and so proud that it's a hinderance. Don't get me wrong, I love all my brothers. I find something beautiful in each and everyone I meet but so far...not many I've met are focused or consistant. I gues it doesn't help that I don't really meet people. Whatever, maybe i shouldn't even be thikin about dating. Companionship, makin a connection with another human being...all that is not important.

i have to also keep up with my tv shows. I'm a commuter student and between tryin to get to school early enough to find parking studyin and extracurricular activites I'm a tired sob. I had to tape my monday upn shows and didnt watch them until thursday and it took me over two hours to watch.

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17th September, 2004. 12:12 am. first entry

Thanks to jaymobee, this should be a lot of fun.

A few moments ago i felt like typing away but know I dont have much to say. Im at home still dressed its a few minutes after 12. I feel like hangin out but with who? See, I've returned from New Orleans where I attended school for two years. I'm back home the few people I know and are coo with they are either away in college or located somewhere else in the United States. So I'm buddiless for now or at least until I happen upon some coo ass mature beings. I'm also living at home so that doesn't help too much but add stress to the folks lives.

Why is it I keep meeting the young ones. I'm used to guys 2, 3, 4 years older than me but I keep attracting the 17-20 year olds. Sure enough I look young in the face but I cannot deal, I just don't have the patience. I'm dreaming of relationships and careers and all I meet are the thugged out, struggling, players of the world. You know if I could just meet someone who gets me then I'd be straight. I don't need 24/7 attention just consistancy. With that I'm done for tonight.

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