Queen Of Pain's Blurty
 
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Below are 20 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in Queen Of Pain's Blurty:

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    Wednesday, April 26th, 2006
    2:56 pm
    Open your eyes
    Look at me
    I'll bring to you
    Whatever you need
    And I'll tell you I'm sorry
    That I can't take
    This pain away from you
    And I'd put it on
    My own body
    If I knew how to
    Can't you see?

    I've gotta bust you
    Outta here somehow
    I've never seen
    Your heart this tired
    I've never seen
    Your spirit held down

    I know that you say
    This is what you get
    For being a bad child
    But I know this would be your reward
    For just a little while
    For just a little while

    Its testing the strong ones
    Scarring the beautiful ones
    It's holding the loved ones
    One last time.




    You know, I can't remember the last time we kissed. Cause you never think the last time is the last time, you think there'll be more. You think you have forever but you don't.
    2:48 pm
    ...I used to be happy...


    I can't say it'd be any different
    But I'm drawn back to you
    You used to be my favorite record
    Now you're a brilliant reissue
    I can't say it sounds different
    But it draws me back to you
    New liner notes and bonus tracks, remastered sound
    It's the soundtrack to the decade that I still want around

    you and me are the touch of two lips;
    we're the center of a kiss
    but you won't stay long enough to believe this
    you and me are the sky in love with the sea

    She's an angel
    with a dirty face
    Just an angel
    that you can't erase
    Lipstick-smeared goodbyes
    & alcohol hellos
    Another angel
    that nobody knows

    Life isn't about how you love & who you hurt
    it's about keeping your trust; it's about what you say
    & what you mean. it's about judgements you pass
    & why. it's about jealousy, fear, & revenge, but
    most of all it's about using your life to touch or poison
    other people's hearts in a way that could never
    have occurred alone.
    Monday, April 3rd, 2006
    11:28 pm
    lalala
    Sunday, March 19th, 2006
    5:39 pm
    dang...guys timing really sucks...so here's my story, I'm writing it on here simply because like..no one will read it and I just feel like saying all this. Ok so, I dated Alex for like 3 months and I was like way infatuated with him and things went REALLY well but then like out of nowhere he broke up with me and said it was 'cause he was moving and he also like wasn't good with relationships or something..but anyway...the way he went about it was really shitty and I about like...died but then like gradually I got over it more and more or w/e...and then I started talking to this guy Derek, and I've been talking to him for like 2+ months and things have been going relatively well except he's just like...not real emotional or affectionate and he's never really brought up dating even though we'd been hanging out more and more...well sometime a couple weeks ago Alex texts me out of nowhere and he's just like oh hey how are you and he said he missed hanging out with me but I really didn't take it as anything and then a few days later we were texting back and forth and he was like "are u seeing anyone?" and I said "nope, u?" and he said "nope, Stephanie I really miss you." And I was just like >.< but I was like oh? in a friendly way I'm sure and he was like yeah that and in other ways too, we had some good times together and I regret ever breaking up with you or something along those lines and yeah I dunno he basically said he wanted to start hanging out again and get back together and since then I've been like trying to figure out what to do...because I mean..the whole Derek thing is ok but it's been like 2 months and I don't feel near as much for him as I feel for Alex and then me and Alex hung out last night and everything went like..perfectly. Like it just felt so right and so comfortable, almost like we were just starting where we left off. And like we saw a movie and afterwards he kissed me and was like why did I ever leave you? and it was real sweet and whatnot but I was like..here's the thing, I've been talking to this guy for like 2 months and I need to know if we're going to go anywhere because I really don't wanna like stop things with him and have nothing develop between us and he was like yeah I want things to work between us and it won't end up like last time and blah blah...and I dunno, I really like Alex (probably still love, just afraid to say it) and I want things to work with him but I'm so scared...and I really feel bad about the Derek thing even if it wasn't going anywhere 'cause he's going to like...hate me now...but all well, I guess I'm choosing passion over contentment once again and I'm hoping it works for the best....anyone have opinions?
    Monday, February 27th, 2006
    6:09 pm
    Anna: annnnnd point 2310923821908 for stpehanie
    Me: that's a lot of freakin points for me, how did I earn all those? lol
    Anna: mostly because i obviously cant spell your name right
    Anna: and partly because you totally just owned that conversation and made him sign off lol
    Anna: and also because you freakin rule

    Anna: like fagnuts
    Anna: tucking his penis between his legs and prancing around like a little emo girl with his little emo swoop bangs and his super cool tribal tattoos

    ^I love my friends^


    StellarChic625: butt sex! haha
    xLiVing6DeAdGrLx: ....
    xLiVing6DeAdGrLx: that option is in the category: "if the world is ending and my vagina ate itself and if the man in question will absolutely die if he doesnt stick his penis in something"

    The only thing a girl should chase is a shot

    Find beauty is this fucking breakdown

    This house is full of ears, but I can't talk to anyone.
    They've heard this 1 a thousand times.
    most exciting thing I do, hang half way out a third floor window,
    Maybe throw lit cigarettes down, and maybe I'll catch fire.
    Something warm to hold me,
    something pure to burn away the darkness that hides inside my mind.
    All that evil shit's not hard to find.
    I guess I only claim to be nice.

    He only loves those things because he loves to see them break
    I fake it so real, I am beyond fake
    And someday, you will ache like I ache
    Someday you will ache like I ache

    No one is my equal because I'm the queen of pain

    You cut me out of your life, like it's nothing, like I'm nothing. Make believe you can love, that it's better, that you're better. Part of me is gone, you've taken pieces from me. You won't stop, you'll never change.

    Did it burn as bad for you?
    No bottle serves to soothe my wounds.
    Monday, February 13th, 2006
    12:02 pm
    Who's sleeping on my side of the bed tonight?
    Have you ever cried so hard?
    Baby you just died
    And there she goes again
    Another masquerade in false circumstance
    She'll fuck you just for the taste
    I just wish that I could replace
    All the memories of what makes my blood run cold
    And as your blood runs through me
    I say goodbye to what we had




    You got me up against your wall
    This is the way I would have done things
    Up against the wall
    Up against the wall
    You got me up against your wall
    It's you and me on a Monday
    The lies that we told
    This is where we both go numb now
    You broke my heart again this time
    You're fading now you crossed the line
    You crossed the line
    We all want to be, want to be somebody
    Right now we're just looking for the exit




    Yeah I remember - I remember everything - The haircuts, the dollar movies. We used to sneak a six pack in your bag, and wait for a girl to scream or a car to crash so we could crack open our cans. Or the the time you shaved my head in the front yard; a passerby stopped to take a picture - we ended up in the paper. And now you want to leave? Well, maybe I forgot a couple things, it doesn't mean I don't remember how it feels when you're laying naked next to me.
    Valentine, I want to feel your hips pressed up against mine.
    We'll push into each other - love's alive. It might be fleeting, but it's ours and it's tonight. . . so won't you reconsider love-lost lives? You might be lonely, but I'm still by your side. You might have to leave, but not tonight



    Who's your schoolfriend? He's left you some messages. He'd love to see you again - he thinks your ideas are brilliant... and since you've been going out for coffee with him lately, well, is he a pretty good looking guy?
    Jealousy. Am I not yours?
    We Stopped for some alcohol. You stayed in the car. The bars had gotten out, that line was so long... and I saw you on the pay phone. So I was thinking - who do you ever call at one a.m.? Yeah, I wonder who that was.
    Jealousy. I am not yours.
    We lay so stiffly, and act like we're sleeping. But my eyes are staring, and you're not breathing heavily. I know when you're sleeping - you purr so softly on my neck.
    Jealousy. I am.



    So, what was that secret?
    What did that prick whisper to you?
    Was it playful and flirty
    Or degrading and dirty?
    I know you like it both ways
    So - what did he say?
    To make you so goddamn defiant
    So fucking triumphant!
    who needs who?



    You left your smell, you left your taste
    You left me here with my mistakes
    And I can't relate to what you say I've done
    But just for you, I'll bite my tongue


    valentine's mixtape
    01. looking back on today x the ataris.
    02. as long as you love me x backstreet boys.
    03. do you realize? x the flaming lips.
    04. i miss you x incubus.
    05. seasons x good charlotte.
    06. she's got a way x billy joel.
    07. i believe in a thing called love x the darkness.
    08. green eyes x coldplay.
    09. wouldn't it be nice x the beach boys.
    10. i will follow you into the dark x death cab for cutie.
    11. alright x kinnie starr.
    12. so happy together x punk covers.
    13. keep on loving you x reo speedwagon.
    14. between the bars x elliott smith.
    15. dare you to move x switchfoot.
    16. a song for everyone x fenix tx.
    17. there is x boxcar racer.
    18. i will come to you x hanson.
    19. the no seatbelt song x brand new.
    20. call 'n return (say that you're into me) x hellogoodbye.
    21. be my lover x la bouche.
    22. boats and birds x gregory and the hawk.
    23. heaven x the fire theft.
    24. we were made for each other / you can breathe x jack's mannequin.

    valentine's day
    01. my funny valentine x frank sinatra.
    02. valentine x the get up kids.
    03. my valentine x martina mcbride.
    04. valentine's day x rx bandits.
    05. st patrick's day x john mayer.

    anti-valentine's day
    01. enjoy your day x alkaline trio.
    02. no valentines x elton john.
    03. everything i once had x the honorary title.
    04. my bloody valentine. x blitzkid.



    i love you songs

    i love you
    01. looking back on today x the ataris.
    02. waiting for you x allister.
    03. i'll catch you x the get-up kids.
    04. learning to breathe x switchfoot.
    05. these words x natasha bedingfield.
    06. that's so you x the rocket summer.
    07. stricken x no doubt.
    08. on legendary x further seems forever.
    09. i'm lost without you x blink 182.
    10. gorgeous x thestart.
    11. melt x thestart.
    12. the invention of beauty x son, ambulance.
    13. you've got so far to go x alkaline trio.
    14. aurora borealis [in long form] x further seems forever.
    15. oh, you are the roots that sleep beneath my feet and hold the world in place x bright eyes.
    16. puella quam amo est pulchra x bright eyes.
    17. there you are x goo goo dolls.
    18. soundtrack for our movie x mae.
    19. my anne x craig's brother.
    20. beautiful x aztec trip.
    21. such great heights x the postal service / iron & wine.
    22. hands down x dashboard confessional.
    23. i do x dashboard confessional.
    24. one slowdance x rufio.
    25. the luckiest x ben folds five.
    26. why can'ti? x liz phair.
    27. just like heaven x the cure / taking back sunday / the ataris.
    28. konstantine x something corporate.
    29. angel x slick shoes.
    30. above me x rufio.
    31. tiger lilly x matchbook romance.
    32. if all else fails x matchbook romance.
    33. the closest thing x the juliana theory.
    34. the reason x hoobastank.
    35. promise x matchbook romance.
    36. you x evanescence.
    37. every thug needs a lady x alkaline trio.
    38. everything's too cold...but you're so hot x the early november.
    39. maps x the yeah yeah yeahs.
    40. endlessly x muse.
    41. priceless x copeland.
    42. beat your heart out x the distillers.
    43. without you, i'm nothing x placebo.
    44. every you every me x placebo.
    45. # 1 crush x garbage.
    46. louder than words x unsung zeros.
    47. new year's project x further seems forever.
    48. kiss distinctly american x q and not u.
    49. you are my hope x skillet.
    50. heavensent x killing heidi.
    51. brand new colony x the postal service.
    52. i'll be x edwin mccain.
    53. bargain x the who.
    54. truly madly deeply x savage garden.
    55. i knew i loved you x savage garden.
    56. i could not ask for more x edwin mccain.
    57. sunsets and car crashes x the spill canvas.
    58. so much x the spill canvas.
    59. the night will go as follows x the spill canvas.
    60. jamie x weezer / dashboard confessional.
    61. kathy with a k's song x bright eyes.
    62. only one x yellowcard.
    63. rocket x yellowcard.
    64. october nights x yellowcard.
    65. so impossible x dashboard confessional.
    66. i.o.u. one galaxy x the ataris.
    67. she will be loved x maroon 5.
    68. san dimas high school football rules x the ataris.
    69. punk rock princess x something corporate.
    70. i want to save you x something corporate.
    71. anywhere x evanescence.
    72. that's when i love you x aslyn.
    73. two weeks in hawaii x hellogoodbye.
    74. come on x ben jelen.
    75. when you come back down x nickel creek.
    76. nightingale x saves the day.
    77. a girl like you x pete yorn.
    78. with love from me to you x watashi wa.
    79. echo x trapt.
    80. i'll be your mirror x the velvet underground.
    81. soul to keep (for phyllis) x matt skiba.
    82. my heart is in your hands x feeling left out.
    83. love her for that x teddy thompson.
    84. my reminder x the beautiful mistake.
    85. lullaby x shawn mullins.
    86. i want to know your plans x say anything.
    87. always ten feet tall x saves the day.
    88. possession x sarah mclachlan.
    89. ice cream x sarah mclachlan.
    90. true x ryan cabrera.
    91. on the way down x ryan cabrera.
    92. at my most beautiful x rem.
    93. this i promise you x *nsync.
    94. the hunt club x remember maine.
    95. everything x lifehouse.
    96. if the choice was mine x never say forever.
    97. all my life x k-ci and jojo.
    98. you and i both x jason mraz.
    99. echo x incubus.
    100. 144 x gob.
    101. everlong x foo fighters.
    102. stay with me x finch.
    103. green eyes x coldplay.
    104. blue eyes x cary brothers.
    105. passenger seat x death cab for cutie.
    106. crazy for this girl x evan and jaron.
    107. one i love x coldplay.
    108. addicted x enrique iglesias.
    109. autobahn x anberlin.
    110. perfect one x lit
    111. waiting up x remember maine.
    112. calling you x blue october.
    113. this year's love x david gray.
    114. sail away x david gray.
    115. be mine x david gray.
    116. please forgive me x david gray.
    117. to make you feel my love x garth brooks.
    118. someone to die for x brian may & jimmy gnecco.
    119. do you know what i love the most? x saves the day.
    120. accidentally in love x counting crows.
    121. nothing's gonna stop us now x jefferson starship / the starting line.
    122. hero x enrique iglesias.
    123. skips a beat (over you) x the promise ring.
    124. cadence x anberlin.
    125. wonderwall x oasis / ryan adams.
    126. as lovers go x dashboard confessional.
    127. i melt with you x modern english / saves the day / mest.
    128. existentialism on prom night x straylight run.
    129. lovesong x the cure / anberlin / jack off jill.
    130. always x bon jovi.
    131. there cannot be a close second x copeland.
    132. you're the only one x maria mena.
    133. let's do everything for the first time forever x of montreal.
    134. josephine x the lyndsay diaries.
    135. she's all mine x diffuser.
    136. best of me x the starting line.
    137. don't move x butch walker.
    138. i caught fire (in your eyes) x the used.
    139. promise x butch walker.
    140. more x matthew west.
    141. my sweet prince x placebo.

    "i love you" one-liners

    i cannot inhale the sparkle of your voice. [the shooting star that destroyed us all x a static lullaby.]

    your voice as beautiful as the sounds of waves crashing against my heart. [nerdy x poison the well.]

    i'll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete. [slide x goo goo dolls.]

    this is to the girl who got into my head with all these fucked up things i did. [konstantine x something corporate.]

    i will never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it. [your body is a wonderland x john mayer.]

    to be completely honest, you're not like all the rest. [the night will go as follows x the spill canvas.]

    the stars are out tonight and you're the brightest one shining in my sky. [i.o.u. one galaxy x the ataris.]

    you and me are like one heartbeat. [bloody romance x senses fail.]

    i am not afraid of dying, but i am afraid of losing you. [addicted x enrique iglesias.]

    i will never feel alone again with you by my side. [warmness on the soul x avenged sevenfold.]

    i could never leave those beautiful eyes. [come back x the early november.]

    if only my heart spoke out loud, i'd play it over and over for you. [beautiful x aztek trip.]

    you are the hope i have for change. you are the only chance i'll take. [on fire x switchfoot.]

    my problem is you made me melt and i don't want to be frozen anymore. [have you ever x incubus.]

    no vocabulary could ever represent the beauty i see. you are everything and more than i could want you to be. [my annie x craig’s brother.]

    you are my only hope. [i am always the one who calls x pedro the lion.]

    you let on about you being cold, so i brought out a smile to warm you up. [1:19 x saves the day.]

    when i look up, you are the brightest star in a pocketful of skies. my colored picture, in a world of black and white. my only dream come true. [pictures, stars and dreams x the juliana theory.]

    i will search for moments full of you. [always ten feet tall x saves the day.]

    i am breathing in your skin tonight, quiet is my loudest cry, wouldn't want to wake the eyes that make me melt inside. [rough draft x yellowcard.]

    i wanna wake up naked next to you kissing the curve in your clavicle. [clavicle x alkaline trio.]

    and then we would know what to do when i am shaking in my shoes and my heart skips a beat over you. [skips a beat [over you] x the promise ring.]

    for one look at you, you know i would pull the stars down from the sky - for one look at you, you know i would dash the universe night. [melt x thestart.]

    tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together. [nothing better x the postal service.]

    you are the words that come out easy and i am speechless at best. you are the dream that hasn't ended and i am anxious for the rest. [closest thing x the juliana theory.]

    the feeling that i am falling further in love makes me shiver but in a good way. [out of my league x stephens speaks.]

    i wish you could put your ear up to my heart and hear how much i love you. [unfinished x mineral.]

    when you look at me, there can be no hesitation, there cannot be a close second to you. [there cannot be a close second x copeland.]

    what do you mean, i don't love you? i am standing here, aren't i? [tiny little fractures x snow patrol.]

    by love, we'll beat back the pain we've found. [crush x dave matthews band.]

    i love you more than i have ever found a way to say to you. [the luckiest x ben folds.]

    the nights are forever and maybe i am wrong, but it feels like i am so lost without you. [giving it away x mae.]

    i am trying to grasp the concepts of your dimensions while my universe is laced around your wrists. [bracelets x the spill canvas.]

    if i had to choose a way to die, it'd be with you in a goosebump infested embrace. [so much x the spill canvas.]

    how does it feel to know you are everything i want. [so much x the spill canvas.]

    tear me open at the seams, take everything you need. take my heart if you like the beat, take my lungs if it's hard to breathe. [still breathing x cauterize.]

    so i figured i would set up a wall, a barrier and cast away any joy of ever being with someone. and when i thought that because of my actions i would suffer the penalty of being alone, you come along. the only medicine i ever needed was you. [medicine x glasseater.]

    you have always seen the best parts of me. [the note from which a chord is built x emery.]

    you love me even though i don't deserve it. [closing down the pattern department x daphne loves derby.]

    and maybe you are gonna be the one that saves me. [wonderwall x oasis.]

    i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now. [wonderwall x oasis.]

    you could hold my heart, it's all yours, if you want. i am letting you know now, don't wait, just tell me all about it. [hold my heart [part one] x letter kills.]

    because how i ever got to you, i have no idea. it's like some secret door, well it just appeared. so, no matter what i do from now on with my time, you will always stay here, in my mind. i am certain of this, and i am not certain of anything. [motion sickness x bright eyes.]

    because all i want to be is the minute that you hold me in when you pretend that i am all that you waited for. time slips to nothing and i am better than i have ever been, i am suspended. [suspended x matt nathanson.]

    why can you read me like no one else? [it's not a side effect of cocaine, it's love x fall out boy.]

    i just want someone to say to me, "i will always be there when you wake." you know, i would like to keep my cheeks dry today, so stay with me and i will have it made. [no rain x blind melon.]

    for the first time, it felt right. thank you for making me see there's a life in me, it was dying to get out. [sweet avenue x jets to brazil.]

    how do you do it? make me feel like i do. how do you do it? it's better than i ever knew. [stellar x incubus.]

    you have been the only thing that's right in all i have done. [run x snow patrol.]

    you are the only person i would ever want to break my heart. [microchip x penfold.]

    but i do know one thing, where you are is where i belong. [where are you going? x dave matthews band.]

    valentine, i want to feel your hips press up against mine. we will push into each other, love's alive. [excerpts from various notes x cursive.]

    when i am with you, i feel like i could die and that would be alright. [semi-charmed life x third eye blind.]

    today's the day i realized that i could be loved. [it just is x rilo kiley.]

    and oh, my love, you are all i need. [tune out x the format.]

    it comes down to me and you, and whether we are supposed to or not, we still will. [the tension and the terror x straylight run.]

    there are moments when, when i know it and the world revolves around us. and we're keeping it, keeping it all going. this delicate balance, vulnerable, all knowing. [existentialism on prom night x straylight run.]

    you are wasting your time if you are trying to impress me, i waste all my time just thinking of you. [moshi moshi x brand new.]

    but there's a few things that i just need you to know, the way i felt when we were close and how the stars explode everytime you are near. [closing down the pattern department x daphne loves derby.]

    baby you, you've got my only heart. [only heart x john mayer.]

    but mercy's eyes are blue; when she places them in front of you. nothing holds a roman candle to the solemn warmth you feel inside. there's no measuring love. nothing else is love. [saint simon x the shins.]

    love is real, it is not just in novels or the movies. it is fact and it is standing here right in front of you. [love is real x bright eyes / jason mraz.]

    i will survive on the breath you are finished with. [come back to bed x john mayer.]

    we were walking there, i had tangles in my hair. but you make me feel so pretty. [brightly wound x eisley.]

    i just want to be where the sun shines down. i just want to be with you. [a beautiful life x everclear.]

    it's not in the words you told me. it's all in the way you looked at me. [dancing in the rearview x as tall as lions.]

    because i never loved somebody the way that i loved you. [i never x rilo kiley.]

    and never will i give up trying because you are everything to me. [emily x from first to last.]

    you're barely waking, and i am tangled up in you. [collide x howie day.]

    wait, they don't love you like i love you. [maps x the yeah yeah yeahs.]

    oh, how could i survive without your love and the hope you bring. oh, even when the world just falls apart, i know i have you, and it's all i need. [simple, starving to be safe x daphne loves derby.]

    your heart beat keeps time with mine, i am waiting up so i can watch you fall asleep to me. [waiting up x remember maine.]

    for so long i thought i was asylum bound, but just seeing you makes me think twice. and being with you here makes me sane, i fear i will go crazy if you leave my side. [as lovers go x dashboard confessional.]

    while you were sleeping i stared into the darkness and wondered how i ended up with you so close to me. resting in your arms is the only thing that comforts and shields me from this night. so please, please stay and show me what it's like to be in love. [ergo propter x daphne loves derby.]

    because i already know that nothing in the world would mean a single thing,
    until you are here with me and i have shared it with you. [kent loves gig harbor x daphne loves derby.]

    your love is a fast song, and i am dancing because i am in love with you. [love is a fast song x copeland.]

    you can take everything i have, just don't leave my side. [don't slow down x copeland.]

    i need you like the dragonfly's wings need the wind, like the orphan needs home once again, like heaven needs more to come in. i need you here like you have always been. [priceless x copeland.]

    all of the world and all of it's powers couldn't keep your love from me. [priceless x copeland.]

    i will fall in love and hold nothing back from you. [hold nothing back x copeland.]

    life's a maze, and i am lost without you. [all i need x zebrahead.]

    the only thing i bleed for is you. [eye conqueror x third eye blind.]

    now i am searching for the words to say to you like, "i love you" and "i need you," but you won't get the clue. and your green eyes could turn these brown eyes blue because i am nothing without you. [which burns more x a second chance.]

    it's not always so easy and sometimes life can be deceiving. but i will tell you one thing: it's always better when we're together. [better together x jack johnson.]

    you are the smell before rain, you are the blood in my veins. [the boy who blocked his own shot x brand new.]

    i'm sinking like a stone in the sea, i'm burning like a bridge for your body. [tatou x brand new.]

    i wouldn't change anything, you're still my everything. [i'll catch you x the get up kids.]

    i'd burn alive to keep you warm. [porcelain hearts and hammers for teeth x the bled.]

    this is the first day of my life, glad i didn't die before i met you. [first day of my life x bright eyes.]

    i just know that she warms my heart. and knows what all my imperfections are. and she said that i was the brightest little firefly in her jar. [brightest x copeland.]

    i don't know why, i can't keep my eyes off of you. [you and me x lifehouse.]

    i'll speak in riddles so you can understand. i'll draw in pencil so you can trace with pen. so in love with me, like sand to wet feet, i'll write both our names into the wet concrete. [martini kiss x senses fail.]

    this world is freezing cold. i long for you to hold me in your arms. this world is burning and i'm waiting for your hand to lead me home. [i know that you love me x the smoking popes.]

    when you go away i get so low, like temperatures when they're at their coldest. [stay where i can see you x the starting line.]

    i won't give up on you, you know that's what i'm saying. tell me you know it's true. thank you for always staying. [thanks for staying x reggie and the full effect.]
    Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
    6:58 pm
    Every day trying to make up for the one before.
    Climb three flights to tremble at the sight of your already open door.
    The frustration I see when I tell you I like some company
    breaks my heart.
    how can you be so impartial?
    and I've made myself the fool
    who's fallen for you.
    so let me down softly this time and
    I wont have to come back crying.
    I've just made myself look bad and
    you're the one who should be feeling bad.
    it'd be better to forget you
    but I don't really want to
    it'd be better to forget you
    but I don't really want to.
    energy spent trying to believe you're not worth it,
    you don't deserve it.
    but I wish you did 'cause I can't live without this.
    and I'll remember you as the second or two
    artists I knew who decided to screw me over
    'cause it's the bolder thing to do.


    moons and junes and ferris wheels,
    the dizzy dancing way you feel
    as every fairy tale comes real;
    i’ve looked at love that way.
    but now it’s just another show.
    you leave ’em laughing when you go
    and if you care, don’t let them know,
    don’t give yourself away


    I know you're dying to tell me everything that you want to say, but I'm not listening.
    Try to tell me everything that you want to say.
    I know you're trying to force me. Feed me lies but I'm on my way. Can you taste it now?
    I'm dying to watch your face when I walk away.

    Here's the final bullet to put our love to death. Our days are never coming back.
    I know it's you. I can forget. Bang, bang. Shoot, shoot.
    There's a freight train coming to force your head in check. Our love is never coming back.
    I know it's you. I can forget our love forever ending.

    I know you're dying to tell me everything that you want to say, but I'm not listening.
    Trying to tell me everything will be okay. Well be okay.
    You're trying to warm my heart but you freeze my blood. There's ice inside my veins.
    I'm only dying to watch your face when I turn away, and Ill turn away.

    But you cannot separate the two things I would live or die for.
    I'd kill to separate your heart from your head. That's to die for.

    Here's the final bullet to put our love to death. Our days are never coming back.
    I know it's you. I can forget. Bang, bang. Shoot, shoot.
    There's a freight train coming to force your head in check. Our love is never coming back.
    I know it's you. I can forget our love forever ending.

    You're just a waste of a song. You're a simple regret.
    I thought I knew who you were, but watch how fast I forget.
    You wore your prettiest dress, but there's a mess in your head.
    They say old habits die hard. I say they're better off dead,
    cause you were bitter and cold, but still you burned me alive.
    You held the match to my skin and poured the fuel on the fire.
    You're not my favorite mistake. You're just a simple regret.
    I though I knew who you were, but watch how fast and watch how well I forget.

    It's too late to play the good guy. It's too late to play the good guy now.
    It's too late to play the good guy. Goodbye.

    Here's the final bullet to put our love to death.
    Our days are never coming back.
    I know it's you that can't forget. Bang, bang. Shoot, shoot.
    There's a freight train coming to force your head in check.
    Our love is never coming back.
    I know it's you. I can forget our love forever ending.
    There's a freight train coming to force your head in check. Our love is never coming back.


    See I'm going through a situation
    That I can't help
    .. wanna get a little closer
    But I promised myself
    That I would never give my heart
    Away again




    I will lie awake; Lie for fun and fake the way I hold you; Make you fall for every empty word I say.
    Friday, February 3rd, 2006
    2:26 am
    The only thing a girl should chase is a shot

    Find beauty is this fucking breakdown

    I'm tired of hiding behind these lying eyes,
    I'm tired of this smile that even I don't recognize.

    I'm better off a l o n e
    than I would be in your arms

    No more promises.
    I have made them before and broken them.
    Give me the 'go ahead' and I'll undress myself for you,
    If you're at all interested now

    Laughing with your pretty mouth
    Laughing with your broken eyes
    Laughing with your lover's tongue
    In a lullaby
    Where do you go when you're lonely
    Where do you go when you're blue
    Where do you go when you're lonely
    I'll follow you
    When the stars go blue

    Did it burn as bad for you?
    No bottle serves to soothe my wounds.
    Do hope I won't Learn to make
    The same mistakes, That you would
    Make me aware That only fear,
    My only hope, Is letting go.

    It's like a picture of a loved one in disguise or
    it's like finding something pretty in a jar of lies and
    if you want just hide your eyes behind your hair
    but you can't see me then you can't find me anywhere

    Lovers turn into monsters at the loss of all affection
    Almost like it was the affection that kept them from being monsters
    Monday, January 23rd, 2006
    10:32 pm
    I'm better off a l o n e
    than I would be in your arms

    No more promises.
    I have made them before and broken them.
    Give me the 'go ahead' and I'll undress myself for you,
    If you're at all interested now

    You're too young to be this empty girl
    I'll prepare you for a sick dark world
    Know that you'll be my downfall

    I want a lover I don't have to love,
    I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk.
    Where's the kid with the chemicals?
    I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full.
    I need some meaning I can memorize.
    The kind I have always seems to slip my mind

    Lovers turn into monsters at the loss of all affection
    Almost like it was the affection that kept them from being monsters

    You told me once I made you smile
    we both know damn well I didn't.
    Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
    11:10 pm
    it is sad when people you know become people you knew. when
    you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of
    your life. how you used to be able to talk for hours and how now you can barely even look at them. its sad how times can change

    heres to the bright new year ahead, & a fond farewell to the old
    heres to the things that are yet to come, and
    to the memories that we hold

    here's to being young & crazy
    taking chances on wild nights
    making the best of what we have &
    spending all your time with your best friends

    you might not find your husband in highschool
    but you do find your brides maids

    the worst part about being lied to is
    knowing that you weren't even worth the truth

    the most important things in life are
    the people we love the places weve been
    and the memories we've made along the way

    the only guy that deserves you is the one who thinks he doesn't. the one that'll stick by your side no matter how much you screw up & the one who will always forgive you mistake after mistake

    & when i look in the mirror i see a girl whos been through so much & yet still finds a way to smile at the past. she still loves with all her heart, or what's left of it & when you see her walk down the hallway i can guarentee her heads up high faking a smile just one last time at all those who try to break her but never will because her mistakes will only make her stronger

    life's too short to wake up in the morning that regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, believe that everything happens for a reason. if you get a chance, take it. if it changes your life, then let it. nobody said it'd be easy ; they just promised that it would be worth it
    Tuesday, January 17th, 2006
    11:57 pm
    I just kinda threw that convo in here last night and I'm sure everyone who read it might have gotten a bad impression about me, and I really don't like when that happens so I'll explain. I liked Levi (the kid I had the convo with) for a looong time, and at one point almost like 2 1/2-3 years ago I thought he liked me back and well all this stuff happened and he ended up like really taking advantage of me and screwing me over and then like I didn't talk to him for a loooong ass time later and for some reason I eventually ended up talking to him almost a year later and decided that hey, maybe I'll try dating him again. So not only did this kid string me along all summer and refuse to date me for the longest time, as I recently found out he was fucking one of my friends the whole time as well. So yeah...he finally started to date me in Sept 04 and things actually went well, or so I thought and then he left for the military like a month after we started dating and things seemed really great like he wrote me all these sweet love letters and stuff, and then like the weekend before he comes home I went to a movie with a few of my guy friends and they dragged along my ex-b/f ("first love") and alcohol...I got extremely tanked and my ex-b/f is all like I love you and miss you and I'm sooo sorry, and apparently I blacked out after that and made out with him, which is the god honest truth because I'd admit it on here if it wasn't. but yeah so, I admitted it to Levi when he came home and even before I had to admit it he was an ass to me and then when I admitted it he forgave me but then treated me like shit the rest of the time he was here. He left and everything seemed fine again, nice love letters, he apologized like a billion times, etc. Around February things started to happen with Caleb, my friends b/f, who I really just didn't pay attention to how I worded it but we only messed around like once or twice when they were actually dating but then we continued to mess around and then he started dating another girl, and it was all a lack of good judgement on our parts and just a total need to be loved and stuff, and I actually believed I was starting to love him but we kinda knew we'd never date and yeah I dunno why I did it, I guess part of it was like Levi screwed me over so many times that I just kinda stopped caring, I never did it maliciously though, I was never like Levi will pay. I was just like mmeehhh love me!! but Levi came back towards the end of May and hardly hung out with me and then broke up with me like 5 days later, after I waited-ish for him for 5 months. the reason is in the convo towards the end but then he like fucked one of my friends and did all this stupid shit and as soon as he left he tries to make amends and I'm like wtf? I started falling for it again but that's about the time Alex came in and somewhat rescued, although in the end he hurt me but yeah...and Levi was pissed and I was trying to keep things in tact with Levi but eventually I realized how much I loved Alex and gave up Levi and didn't talk to him for about 3 months. Eventually though things ended between me and Alex so I kinda decided to try to hurt Levi, which I should learn, it is impossible to hurt a heartless person. He immediately fell for everything and was like I love you blah blah and I was just like yeah...w/e...and I tried not to listen to it but when you don't have anyone else saying stuff to you it's kinda hard not to listen, but we got in a fight the other night and he admitted to messing around with a guy, which I'm sorry I have nothing against gay people but I really don't want a guy who "loves" me to have cheated on me with a fucking guy. seriously, c'mon now! but anyway...so it all came down to that conversation...and he was right, it stopped our fighting because I blocked him and refused to talk to him when he called. I'm finally done. I've finally escaped the monster that I was in love with for so long. And I don't know why I ever loved him. He is honestly the most terrible disgusting heartless monster I have ever known and I hate everything about him. Maybe that will finally open my eyes to finding the same faults in other guys...Whatever happens I can only hope I never date someone like him again...But anyway, that was an extremely long post so I'm off to go to sleep now. Later Dayz!
    Friday, January 6th, 2006
    11:43 pm
    For a minute there I almost believed you
    And I wanted to forgive you for everything you've done
    And I could feel safe but miserable
    In a familiar world of lies and misinformation
    But then I remembered that everything you've ever said
    and everything you've ever done
    add up to more wrongs,
    than could ever make a right
    So don't try to talk to me
    'cause a thousand Fuck You's would never be enough
    So I'm only gonna say this once
    Fuck You I'm never coming back
    Monday, January 2nd, 2006
    3:44 am
    it's really disturbing how good I am at being heartless
    Sunday, January 1st, 2006
    2:39 pm
    There's gotta be more to life...


    How's the time pass by without me?
    I hope this hurts like hell cause why should you be fine?

    and maybe you can come to my house for tea
    we won't talk about all the pain you caused me.
    i've become quite adept at pretending you're nice
    if you don't believe it, pretending will have to suffice.
    although, this time i mean it.
    this time's for real.
    just 'cause you ruined my life, it's no big deal.

    I don't know if I can make it.
    I don't know if I'm that strong.
    I don't know where we went wrong but somehow it's over.
    In my mind I see you clearly.
    In my dreams I feel you near me.
    I want to know, does this feeling go away?

    Don't say i don't cut when i do, i do, i do
    Don't say i'm lying when i'm true, i'm true, i'm true
    Don't say we're healing when it's just not what we do

    i don't want to feel anything anymore, let's just pretend, we'll live happily ever after
    Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
    10:49 pm
    this is the last time that i'll wish you dead
    i think i've decided to like you instead.
    i'll throw away the letters that i never meant to send
    'cause now i've got more love to give than to end.
    therefore, this time i mean it.
    this time will stick.
    you're easy to like when you're not making me sick.

    and maybe you can come to my house for tea
    we won't talk about all the pain you caused me.
    i've become quite adept at pretending you're nice
    if you don't believe it, pretending will have to suffice.
    although, this time i mean it.
    this time's for real.
    just 'cause you ruined my life, it's no big deal.

    so i'll take the pins out of the doll.
    i'll take the darts out of the wall.
    i'm just so nice now, i'm not like before.
    i don't think of hurting you much anymore.
    it's a fine day for sailing,
    let's go for a spin.
    you don't have to worry that i'll push you in.
    1:30 am
    Please please please
    Let me anoint the lust inside you
    Please please please
    Let me devalue whats inside you
    :
    :



    You, you want nothing to do with me
    I, I don't know what to do with you
    Cuz you don't know what you do to me

    You lick the hand that feeds you
    And kiss the blade that cuts
    I wanna fuck you when your gods hands
    When your praying bites the dust

    But I fell for the promise of a life with a purpose
    but I know that that's impossible now
    And so I drink to stay warm and to kill selected memories
    cause I just can't think anymore about that
    or about him tonight
    And I give myself three days to feel better or else I
    swear I'll drive right off a fucking cliff
    because if I can't learn to make myself feel better
    how can I expect anyone else to give a shit?

    let's pretend that we don't need anything anymore from anyone. i don't want to feel anything anymore, let's just pretend, we'll live happily ever after

    once you said you hated my suffering and you understood and you'd take care of me. you would always be there. well where are you now?
    Saturday, December 17th, 2005
    12:59 am
    It's not about conscience baby
    It's about skill
    It's the excitement and that utter fulfillment you get
    Knowing you completely screwed someone over
    You've completely altered their state of mind and their ability to have relationships
    Forever
    She explained to him as he clenched his fists
    I don't know how it started
    Or who started it
    Maybe it was with Adam and Eve
    They screwed the human race over together
    Her by offering the fruit
    Him by taking it
    But baby they sure were brilliant
    And they started this chain reaction
    Of never ending failed relationships
    Lies, deceit, fuck ups
    Everything good like that
    How could you do this?
    He asked with sheer naivety
    oh baby you'll thank me
    Rest assured
    That I'll be the most important girl you ever met
    And you'll soon pass on the gift that I've given you
    the gift of breaking hearts
    Friday, December 16th, 2005
    12:20 am
    one day you'll get sick of
    saying that everything’s alright
    and by then I’m sure ill be
    pretending just like I am tonight
    please don't get me wrong
    because I’ll never let this go
    but I can't find the words to tell you
    I don't want to be alone
    but now I feel like I don't know you


    I was young but I wasn't naive
    I watched helpless
    As you turn around to leave
    And still I have the pain I have to carry
    A past so deep
    That even you could not bury if you tried
    After all this time
    I never thought we'd be here
    Never thought we'd be here
    When my love for you was blind
    But I couldn't make you see it
    Couldn't make you see it
    That I loved you more
    Then you will ever know
    And part of me died
    When I let you go
    I would fall asleep
    Only in hopes of dreaming
    That everything
    Would be like it was before
    But nights like this
    It seems are slowly fleeting
    They disappear as reality is crashing the floor
    After all this why
    Would you ever want to leave
    Maybe you could not believe it


    I don't want you on my mind
    i don't want you to have to waste my time
    i'm wondering if you're thinking
    about me as i am about you
    i don't want to stay up late
    and think of love, and you, and fate
    i would rather fall asleep
    and dream about it all instead


    Here is the point
    Where I fall apart
    For the second time in a week
    It could be from
    All those chemicals
    That I pump into me
    You have been gone
    For what feels like
    The longest winter break
    It's just three days
    But it's so much more
    Than I can really take


    i'll know that you're gone for good
    when the dawn kicks me alive
    i know we'll go on somehow we'll both survive
    so take and get on you sweet thing


    I was taught, never show your feelings
    That's why it's so hard for me to talk to you
    Girl I know, you're having a hard time dealing
    Not sure what to say or what to do
    When you reach for me, you're grasping at air
    You tell me that you love me, but I'm not really there
    I'm scared of falling in love, there I said it
    I'm scared of falling in love, I might regret it
    I'm scared of falling in love, but if I do
    I pray to God it’s with you
    You gave your heart but I pushed it right away
    No words will come, despite how hard I try
    I never gave us a chance, yet I begged for you to stay
    With no good reason, no reason why
    My bags are too heavy, they're weighing me down
    I can't see the beauty of the treasure I've found
    And I'm standing on the edge, if I don't jump I'll never fly
    But baby if I fall will you stay or say goodbye
    I don’t know if I’m ever gonna fall in love
    But, if I do, I pray to God it’s with you
    I pray to God it’s with you
    Scared, I’m scared, I’m scared, so scared
    I’m falling, falling, falling baby



    I can’t remember smiles on Christmas day
    And even if I smile it wasn’t real anyway
    What I do recall is laying in the snow
    And wishing I didn’t have to go home
    I know this isn’t what you want to hear
    But I’m not looking forward to Christmas this year


    He softly told you everything
    He never knew you didn't care.
    Break his heart again, smile and prepare for all the words he screams.
    Give him a reason, anything but silence or the truth.
    He'll hate you now.

    Remember how he held you for all those lonely nights you know you shared
    And remember how you never cared about anything he said.
    Well now he's dead to you, so bury him instead.

    The words out, I'm not the man I used to be.
    You knew it all along that I felt this way.
    I put in this song, tear me apart for pouring out my heart.
    You know it wouldn't phase you in the least.
    I hate you now.


    StellarChic625: could you break my heart
    a little bit more?
    shove my body up against yours..
    &kiss me
    like you mean it.

    Remember all the times you let me walk you to class
    And you would kiss my cheek and i'd never have to ask
    You're going away in late september
    But here's a thanks for a summer i'll always remember.

    its about being in the backseat
    in the glow of a convience store
    laughing like hell & kissing like you mean it

    Literate and stylish
    Kissable and quiet
    Well that's what girls dreams are made of
    And that's all you need to know
    You have it or you don't


    new relationship
    01. the format x janet
    02. student rick x falling for you
    03. lifehouse x you and me
    04. new found glory x i don't wanna know
    05. bright eyes x first day of my life
    06. the postal service x be still my heart




    The sound of sex pours out of our mouths onto the bar

    Can I take you home

    Can I eat you up

    Can I spit you out


    Well we are young and dumb and full of love at least for tonight.

    if it weren't for pickpockets i'd have no sex life at all by secret lives of the freemasons

    so many nights, legs tangled tight
    wrap me up in a dream with you
    close up these eyes, try not to cry
    all that i got to pull me through
    is the memories of you.

    i wanna feel our hearts beat as one
    crash your hips into mine
    i don't care about the pain
    can you feel me shake?
    you hands so soft, caress my body
    my mouth trembles as our lips touch
    (this part doesn't work, but its with this quote)
    you pull away.. whisper "i love you"
    those 3 words mean so much.

    it's not like im a slut
    or that i really like to fuck
    it's that i want every boy i see
    to walk away with a part of me
    until theres nothing left to hold
    until theres nothing left to hate

    (this is from someone on emolyrics--)
    sometimes it just feels like this is all you expect of me
    she said as she unzipped his pants
    i guess this is all i'm worth to you
    fumbling hands, quivering hips, here's the girl who finds love with her lips.
    well don't hes not sorry she was his shot at glory, just another story.
    but he was her everything the kind of love only fairytales bring.

    (this ones mine--)
    i drove you home
    in an awkward silent sort of way
    we listened to music, but barely talked.
    smoking cigarettes, and pretending it didn't happen.
    my sheets smell of sex.
    don't act like you're sweet.
    we both know that i mean nothing to you...
    and you mean nothing to me.

    i hope to god i mean a little more then the sounds that escape your tired


    4 a.m lips and oh how i wish i meant a little more then a symphony of heavy breathing
    and the friction of hips.


    i'm lying here beside you in
    someone elses bed
    knowing what we're doings wrong
    but better left unsaid.


    your bedroom behavior was never more than checkmarks on bedposts.


    you'd say "we're only friends." yeah, real good friends, i bet i bet.


    (this one is mine too--it might help but its more of regretting friends w/ benefits)
    we went back to your car
    fogging up the windows, staring at the stars
    i made a handprint, and wrote that i was yours
    you smiled.the smell was strong
    cigarettes and sex would be our theme from then on.
    the feeling was complete, but i didnt know what
    those dark blue eyes kept from me.
    i snuggled into your coat and then you took me home.
    a small kiss goodbye
    and i watched as the wind blew
    and gray clouds covered the end of that beautiful october sky.


    (mine too, its not finished, its kind of lame)
    let's break hearts
    like teenage lovers do.
    touch and tremble, then fall in love too.
    late night walks
    cigarettes and alcohol--
    touching lips and bruised up hips
    we'll be in control. no no, we won't ever let go.


    we took it slow.
    and were naked soon.
    lips touching, hips meeting
    and heavy breathing.
    i scratched and moaned
    you kissed and pushed.
    naked in my bed,
    your scent is everywhere.
    we put on our clothes and
    had one more smoke
    before i drove you home.
    act like it never happened,
    act like we don't care, it was
    just a really good fuck,
    and to us, that seems fair.


    exchanging body heat in the passenger seat.


    I'm on my knees,
    but so are you
    Unfortunately for the wrong reasons
    I keep incessantly believing that you're pure,
    but you know it's not true


    StellarChic625: I guess I'll figure it out
    the reasons why things
    went the way they did
    and why we can't accept it.
    We'd Fall asleep,
    but not before we excorcised
    the evil things that everyone hides.
    We would lie there in my bed,
    do you remember
    all those nights we never slept?
    And even though
    we brought it crashing to an end,
    I loved it all.
    Thursday, December 15th, 2005
    4:42 pm
    lets destroy ourselves because we're too cool for love
    lines; soft kisses over cheap wine. smoke me baby
    like your last cigarette. whisper to me; say you'll
    never forget. could you break my heart just a little
    bit more? shove my body up aganist yours and kiss
    me like you mean it. could you tell me i'm so audrey
    hepburn when my hair falls to the side and say "girl
    im not here to love you tender; im just here for the
    ride." lets be blind to love and deaf to all who say its
    fatal. its not that we dont know; its just that we dont care.
    Monday, December 12th, 2005
    3:27 pm
    don't call the doctors, they've seen it all before, they'll say just let her crash and burn she'll learn


    hello, i'm good for nothing, will you love me just the same?


    let's make a list of who we need and we'll throw it away cause we don't need anyone


    you break my heart into a thousand pieces and say it's because i deserve better?


    oh, why can't i be what you need? a new improved version of me. but i am nothing so good. no, i am nothing


    will you come back? it's all she wants to know she knows she's part of the problem too could she let it go? it'd take a miracle so that's what i'm praying for


    i think i'm dying without you here, so i drink myself to sleep and then i hide beneath the sheet, and i try to disappear.

    Everyone deserves a happy ending...
    :
    :


    i didn't mean to make you want to leave.

    now you are gone and i am afraid that you are never coming back this way again

    forgive me but i can't be everything you deserve

    let's pretend that we don't need anything anymore from anyone. i don't want to feel anything anymore, let's just pretend, we'll live happily ever after

    once you said you hated my suffering and you understood and you'd take care of me. you would always be there. well where are you now?

    you taught me many things. like how it feels to miss someone so bad it feels like part of you is missing

    There's an emptiness inside her
    And she'd do anything to fill it in
    But all the colors mix together to grey
    And it breaks her heart
    Oh, how she wishes it was different
    She prays to God most every night
    And though she swears He doesn't listen
    There's still a hope in her He might
    She says, "I Pray!
    But all my prayers, they fall on deaf ears
    Am I supposed to take it on myself
    To get out of this place?"
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