Queen Of Pain's Blurty
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Queen Of Pain's Blurty:

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    Wednesday, October 1st, 2008
    8:43 pm
    w00t ringtones.
    Free Ringtones - Ventones
    Monday, August 27th, 2007
    1:44 pm
    the last thing i want to be is overly dramatic.
    i just think it's best because you can't miss what you forget.
    so let's just pretend everything and anything
    between you and me was never meant.


    Oh, the toll that we'll pay for not dropping everything
    to hold onto those we love.

    I could try to count the times that I've been through this in my mind, but I'm running out of fingers and I don't have that much time.
    Monday, July 9th, 2007
    1:51 pm
    We'd run away in our dismay, but please, come back to me


    Yoh i love the way you love meY
    YDerekY
    © July 5, 2006 ©
    All this time and I can't get enough of you

    When you're in my arms the truth of us
    Is better than the best of all my dreams


    This year I am eliminating baggage... and unless you make the effort to keep me in your life, I will not be carrying you through mine.

    I just want someone to say to me
    I'll always be there when you wake
    Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
    So stay with me and I'll have it made

    It's the burning deep inside
    It's too hard to be denied
    It's the feeling when you're right there to hold me
    And incase you ever have a doubt
    I want to let you know this right now
    I'm yours
    You give me all the reason I need

    Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love,
    It's a waste of your time.
    There are too many mediocre things in life.
    Love shouldn't be one of them.

    yes I'm telling the world
    there's no living without you
    cause I wake up every morning
    thinking about
    [ you ]

    Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time
    Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you
    Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time
    And hung me on a line
    Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you

    I won't give up on you
    You know that's what I'm saying
    Tell me you know it's true
    Thank you for always staying

    www.livejournal.com/users/shortysnd3 6/30
    Wednesday, June 6th, 2007
    12:50 am
    Just Another Day In Paradise-Phil Vassar
    Lullaby-Shawn Mullins (?)
    Strawberry Wine-Deanna Carter
    Must've Done Something Right-Relient K
    Heads Carolina, Tails California-JoDee Messina
    Amazed-Paul McCartney
    Day Before You-Rascal Flatts
    Fall Out Boy-I'm Like a Lawyer With the Way...
    Everything-Lifehouse ??
    I Want TO Know Your Plans-Say Anything
    You Save Me-Kenny Chesney
    The Way You Love Me-Faith Hill
    Long Trip Alone-Diercks Bentley
    One More Day With You--??
    Monday, June 4th, 2007
    1:48 am
    I've been so happy since I walked away
    I never thought that I could feel as great as I do today
    'Cause you were nothing but a big mistake
    And life is wonderful, now that I'm rid of you

    Oh I must've been crazy to have stayed with you
    I can't believe I thought I was in love with you
    But now the scales have fallen I can really see
    And I say go to hell, 'cause thats where you took me

    Well, I've felt better since I slammed that door
    You always cramped my style, I never noticed before
    It's been a non-stop party since I flew the coop!
    I can't believe I fell for such a loser like you

    And is it any wonder that I felt so blue

    When I was always having to put up with you?

    Oh, here we go again, just lay the blame on me
    Don't say another word, 'cause sweetheart,
    you're history.


    I know that you miss me really, bet you wish that you still had me
    You'll never find someone like me but I've got no regrets at all

    Good luck, mister, do you think I care?
    Since you've been gone the offers have been everywhere
    I've got a million guys just lining up for me
    I've turned a corner, boy, my life is ecstasy

    Well, I've been in heaven since I walk away
    I never thought that I could feel as great as I do today
    'Cause you were
    nothing but a
    waste
    of
    space
    And life is wonderful now that I'm over you



    Awake, through the years it takes to see you
    'Til I almost lose my mind
    'Cause I'll never be alright
    And I'm sorry you had to see this
    But I'm such a mess
    And I never could forget

    I'm scared I'll miss the way we use to talk
    And if its all forever lost dont wanna know
    I'm scared that you're the one that got away
    And i want you here with me
    Tonight will never come


    I can't remember when it was good.
    Moments of happiness in bloom.
    Maybe I just missunderstood.
    And all of the love we've left behind.
    Watching the flashbacks intertwine.
    Memories I will never find.
    So I'll love whatever you've become.
    And forget the reckless things we've done.
    I think our lives have just begun.
    I think our lives have just begun.
    Thursday, May 10th, 2007
    12:45 am
    This balance has weighed out our heart's desire.
    I'm trying to make it alone.
    Well it's not like it hurts that much anyway.
    Upside down and inside out.
    When I leave here I'm going alone.
    But I'm dying, I'm dying to touch.
    And it's not like, it not like it hurts much anyway.

    Attention! Attention!
    May I have all your eyes and ears to the front of the room,
    if only, if only for one second.
    Will you hear what I have to say?
    Oh, did I mention when I see you it stings like hell?
    To the fact that we could have something, something




    I want to say sweet things to you 'till you say I've said enough
    I want to stand right by your side when the goin' gets tough
    I want to mend your broken heart till you say the hurt is gone
    I want tostay with you always so that you won't be alone
    I want to do everything for you
    I want to hold you in my arms 'till you say 'turn me loose'
    I want to do little things to you 'till you say 'it ain't no use'
    I want to wake you every morning with a good morning kiss
    I want to kiss you to sleep the same way cause I, I know you like this
    I want to do everything for you
    Cause that's all that a man can do
    When he loves a woman like I love you



    And I thought it would be funny to leave you hanging in suspense
    Then I'd run over to your house and I'd scale the chainlink fence
    That borders your back yard and then I'd climb through your window
    And I'd whisper that I love you as you fall out of your clothes
    And we'd lay there in the darkness like this dream of you I had
    Where we captured all the fireflies and knew what time we had
    Could be counted on our fingertips and that almost made you cry
    But you let me hold you tightly as we said all our goodbyes
    May I say I loved you more
    And it must of been and hour that I clutched you in my arms
    And I must have said the right things because you instantly felt warm
    And you heard my heart stop beating but you wanted not to cry
    As your sympathetic whispers told a tale of bad goodbyes
    You swore you heard me laughing and I swore I saw you smile
    AS the time we've spent together was meant to last us quite a while
    As I take this piece of you with me I'll carry to my grave
    And knowing that for someone you're an angel sent to save
    (Keep Breathing my angel, if you go down I go with you)
    May I saw I loved you more
    So let's drink to memories we shared
    Down one for all the hopes and cares
    Here's too for being unaware that you're gone
    Because before too long you'll be a memory


    How can I wait much longer
    My love is growing stronger
    Will you love me
    Baby will you stay with me, love me
    Will you hold me and love me
    I need you, we must be together
    Will you stay here forever
    If I sing softly to you


    The touch of your skin
    Alive and glistening
    What are you doing to me
    You've got a hold on me
    The smile in your eye
    Your breath and your sigh
    What are you doing to me
    When will you come to me


    I think we'd better stay together
    It's the best thing for you and me
    I'll be your slave and we'll love forever


    soon all the joy that pours from everything makes fountains of your eyes because you finally understand the movement of a hand waving you goodbye.


    can we talk this over, at least just for tonight?
    i asked myself one hundred times
    why did we even bother?
    why did we even try?
    but i miss you more than i did before
    i showed you my heart and you showed me the door



    This years love had better last
    Heaven knows it's high time
    And I've been waiting on my own too long
    But when you hold me like you do
    It feels so right
    I start to forget
    How my heart gets torn
    When that hurt gets thrown
    Feeling like you can't go on


    Light that smoke, that one for giving up on me,
    and one just cause they'll kill you sooner than my expectations
    To my favorite liar, to my favorite scar
    "I could have died with you..."
    I hope, you choke, on those words that kiss that bottle


    you used to call me on your break
    but you’ve been so busy
    you used to bring me tomato soup
    but you keep forgetting
    as the groundskeeper rakes up the october leaves
    it occurs to me, trees can’t hide anything
    something i said?
    something i did?
    you’ve been acting so distant
    Wednesday, December 27th, 2006
    2:06 am
    Have you ever been soon in love that you constantly fear what's going to happen? I can't possibly imagine what life would be like without Derek. Honestly, he's the only guy I've ever felt was my "true love". I've never had the same kind of connection, relationship/friendship with any other guy. I've always felt like something was missing and I don't feel that way with him. I can see us growing old together but I'm afraid he'll fall out of love with me. And he says that's not possible now but who can predict that? gar, I don't know. I'm just so scared because I've completely fallen and I fear I'll never get up if he leaves my side. and yet I feel like I'm wasting all this time worrying when I should just be enjoying my relationship. grr. I wish things weren't so complicated.
    Saturday, December 23rd, 2006
    1:34 am
    lines for love
    I know I can be hard to handle
    I can be a pain in the ass
    So many mood swings, constant changes
    But you took it well
    And I thank you for that


    no matter what i do from now on with my time, you will always stay here, in my mind. i am certain of this, and i am not certain of anything


    You're in the next room sleeping and I'm shouting out a song for you
    I shouldn't wake you over the furnace, but I should swear to someone you'd have loved every note
    So dream a good one tonight
    I'll listen to the bad ones when they come
    Get up in my ear 'till I hear every word
    Every turn of your tongue, I will tighten my grip
    No one could tell even if I fell 100 stories straight down, down, down
    No one could tell even if I fell 100 stories down
    I was getting bored with hurting myself
    If you fall down enough, well soon enough, you will find hell
    It can't be as, as pretty as we hoped it would be
    It's not even warm here, not even ten degrees



    I know it's dark here, you know that I'm scared too
    For some reason right now of everything but you
    Right now you're all that I recognize
    You know I came here when I needed your soft voice
    I needed to hear something that sounded like an answer
    Now I wait here and sometimes I get one
    It's nothing I'll forget when the moon gets tired
    You are stuck to me everyday
    Believe in what I am because it's all I have today
    And tomorrow who knows where we'll be
    From here I can hardly see a thing
    But I will follow anyone who brings me to you
    You know it starts here outside waiting in the cold
    Kiss me once in the snow I swear it never gets old
    And I will promise you I can make it warmer next year
    You know I came here when I needed your soft voice
    I needed to hear something that sounded like an answer
    Now I stay here, and everyday I get one


    If I could have just one wish,
    I would wish to wake up everyday
    to the sound of your breath on my neck,
    the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
    the touch of your fingers on my skin,
    and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
    Knowing that I could never find that feeling
    with anyone other than [you.]
    I love you, Forever and ever.........


    I'm falling more in love with every single word you say
    I'm falling head over heels for you
    I've been dancing on the tops of buildings
    At the top of my lungs I'm singing you a song
    "Don't you leave me alone"

    Cause here's my promise made tonight
    You can count on me for life
    Cause that's when I love you
    When nothing you do could change my mind
    The more I learn the more I love
    The more my heart can't get enough
    That's when I love you
    When I love you no matter what



    I've been thinking about you and me
    How we work perfectly together
    And when our lips, they kiss
    It's just keeps feeling better.



    ~To be completely honest,
    You're not like all the rest~

    ~The stars are out tonight
    And you're the brightest one shining in my sky~

    ~I will never feel alone again with you by my side~

    ~I don't believe that anybody
    Feels the way I do about you now~

    ~I wouldn't change anything,
    You're still my everything~

    ~I don't know why,
    I can't keep my eyes off of you.~

    ~You are the hope I have for change.
    You are the only chance I'll take.~

    ~If you let me leave,
    I swear I never will.~


    You are the words that come out easy
    And I am speechless at best
    You are the dream that hasn't ended
    And I am anxious for the rest



    This is to the girl who got into my head
    fucked up
    With all these ^ things i did


    Place a name upon the
    N I G H T
    One to set your heart
    A L I G H T
    And to make the darkness
    B R I G H T
    Paint the sky with stars.


    They give their hearts to each other unconditionally ...that's what true love really is. It's not this fairy tale life that never knows pain, but it's two souls facing it together and diminishing it with unconditional love


    this is how it works. you're young until you're not. you love until you don't. you try until you can't. you laugh until you cry. you cry until you laugh. and everyone must breathe until their dying breath. no, this is how it works. you peer inside yourself, you take the things you like, and try to love the things you took. and then you take that love you made and stick it into some, someone else's heart. pumping someone else's blood. and walking arm and arm. you hope it don't get harmed but even if it does you'll just do it all again.



    we might kiss when we're alone
    when nobody's watching
    i might take you home
    we might make out when nobody's there
    it's not that we're scared
    it's just that it's delicate
    we might never live like this before
    when there's nothing to give
    how can you ask for more?



    We're just this young couple at heart
    Who does n o t think sex is important but Kissing quickly at red lights before it's green, Holding hands
    And walking in the park for the hundreth time, And kisses on the forehead
    And whispers in the ears is important.



    Dance in the streets. Sing in the hallways. Shake it like a laffy taffy. Scream at the top of you lungs. Randomly talk to people. Eat candy until you wanna puke. Throw things at the screen at movie theaters. Make a new friend. Freak people out. Trip over nothing. Do the "Mary Poppins" foot thingy. Fall in mid air. Push your friends into random people. Fall in love with someone all over again. Hug your friends. Smack a guy across the face because you feel like it. Defend yourself. Tell your parents you're glad to have them. Be crazy. Jump high over little rocks screaming, "I can conquer anything!" Just live it up.




    anderson71288 (11:58:18 PM): i love you and i always will..i hope you really do believe me..i try my hardest to reassure you that everyday...i know some days i may not really seem like i mean it but i do with every little bit of my heart....so believe me when i say i love you because i have never spoken a truer statement in my life...it not what i think it fact.....i love you and i always will...i love you lots and lots, forever and ever, more than you will ever know, my love is a love without end, just to see you smile, i can love you like that, i swear...........



    Say that you're into me, let me know how it will be
    If you don't know just say so
    I'll wait till the perfect time think of all the perfect lines
    I'll make sure if I let you know
    We've got movies on our list to see
    Things to do just you and me
    Calls to make from here to there and back
    We've got fun to have and days to spend
    Stars to see or just pretend
    At least for now just keep things right on track
    1:00 am
    for a broken heart
    You're looking skinny
    Like a model with your eyes
    All painted black
    Just keep going to the bathroom,
    Always say you'll be right back.
    Well, it takes one to know one,
    Kid I think you've got it bad
    But what's so easy in the evening
    By the morning's such a drag.
    I got a flask inside my pocket,
    We can share it on the train
    And if you promise to stay conscious
    I will try and do the same.
    Well we might die from medication,
    but we sure killed all the pain.
    But what was normal in the evenin',
    By the mornin' seems insane.



    You're just a waste of a song. You're a simple regret.
    I thought I knew who you were, but watch how fast I forget.
    You wore your prettiest dress, but there's a mess in your head.
    They say old habits die hard. I say they're better off dead,
    cause you were bitter and cold, but still you burned me alive.
    You held the match to my skin and poured the fuel on the fire.
    You're not my favorite mistake. You're just a simple regret.
    I though I knew who you were, but watch how fast and watch how well I forget



    you'll hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things, and crawl back into bed and dream of a time when your heart was open wide and you loved things just because. you'll fight and you'll make it through. you'll fake it if you have to. and you'll show up to work with a smile. and you'll be better, you'll be smarter. more grown up and a better daughter or son. and a real good friend. and you'll be awake, you'll be alert. you'll be positive though it hurts. and you'll laugh and embrace all of your friends, and you'll be a real good listener. you'll be honest. you'll be brave. you'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful. you'll be happy.


    Yeah I remember - I remember everything - The haircuts, the dollar movies. We used to sneak a six pack in your bag, and wait for a girl to scream or a car to crash so we could crack open our cans. Or the the time you shaved my head in the front yard; a passerby stopped to take a picture - we ended up in the paper. And now you want to leave? Well, maybe I forgot a couple things, it doesn't mean I don't remember how it feels when you're laying naked next to me.
    Valentine, I want to feel your hips pressed up against mine.
    We'll push into each other - love's alive. It might be fleeting, but it's ours and it's tonight. . . so won't you reconsider love-lost lives? You might be lonely, but I'm still by your side. You might have to leave, but not tonight


    ''This is what I know about love. That it is tested every day, and what is not renewed is lost. One either chooses to care more or to care less. Once the choice is to care less, then there is no stopping the momentum of goodbye.''



    The
    superhero,
    is dying in this show.
    There's a million reasons,
    Why I don't want us to be just real good friends.
    Because real good friends, share stories of
    lovers
    and 1 night stands.
    And right now, I can't take being another shoulder to cry on.
    Because for once in my life, you actually tried to comprehend,
    The pain that I felt.
    And you know well, sometimes, if things dont work out the way you planned,
    You either have a bad case of bad planning, or your agenda is all wrong.
    Just think,
    If it's meant to be,
    It will be.
    And if it's not,
    Then I guess you've got a loaded gun and a pen to spill the guts.
    And when nothing is going great,
    You write about it.
    Because that's the only time you can really relate



    That was when you met that guy
    You ignored me then and you told me lies
    All of the nights, I sit on my ass wasting all my time
    And I can't seem to bare, that you don't care



    Sometimes the inspiration never comes.
    When all you want is someone to realize your depression.
    When all you want is someone to say that they care.
    The sun can be shining but you don't see it.
    And the love can be there but you don't feel it.
    Sometimes the inspiration never comes.
    and the ransom for your joy is just too much.
    And to show your face means they might judge.
    They always judge.
    When all you want is the will to get out of bed.
    When all you want is some understanding.


    So I guess I'll cut my losses
    Cause i've lost a lot
    I guess I'll quit complaining
    And I'll start walking it off
    Because there is no point in living
    In a past with that unhappiness
    Consider it a promise we both broke
    Consider it mistake on both our parts



    So go on, love
    Leave while there's still hope for escape.
    Gotta take what you can these days.
    There's so much ahead, and so much regret.
    I know what you want to say
    I know it but can't help feeling differently.
    I loved you, and I should have said it.
    But tell me,
    Just what has it ever meant?



    She's much prettier than I'll ever be.
    Perfection at its best
    Just when I thought I was beginning to look decent
    Find beauty in this fucking breakdown
    Chapped lips covered in blue, green eyes laced in red
    This is all I have for you.
    You're right.
    It's not me, it's her
    A gorgeous face upon a flawless body
    I'm not even second best




    walking away again
    seems like I know the back of your head
    better than the front
    but hey
    you don't see me stopping you
    not a word out of my mouth this time
    just walk away
    you don't see me stopping you
    'cause I've got better things to do today
    you can just keep on walking
    looking smaller from my window
    'cause it don't hold the same as it used to
    you think I'm happy with the lies that you feed me?
    I'm unaware about the way you mistreat me?
    I think you underestimated our situation



    all I had to give you took, but it's not enough.
    all that I could be, I was, but still you need more.
    look a little closer, and maybe you'll see...
    that it was you who wasn't good enough for me.




    are you sure you want to undulge in that last peice of cake, must you count your calories? Why do you even bother in eating when you're just going to end up in the second floor bathroom 9th period. And your cuts.. they turn into scabs and then into scars. What's the point of that anway? You will just reopen those scars. When you give yourself to anyone who says they love you, does it help you sleep at night? Are you content with knowing your mother has given up on you years ago, and your father doesn't even know you exist. Will getting another tattoo of your favorite fucked up lyric make all the pain go away, dollface? Are you insecure?


    and i hope someday you'll find out exactly what it feels like to hold the one you love, as he slams the knife straight into your back, and he'll laugh, while you gasp for air, he'll leave you there to die slowly.


    But it's quite sad when your friends don't care at all
    and your parents have to pay someone to listen to you
    because no one you love takes the time to care at all
    and they don't realize how much it hurts.



    Please don't
    Wake me 'til the morning after
    I'm so tired, there has got to be an end
    To the pain I feel when I'm awake and alive, alive, alive
    Alive and I'm dreaming...



    And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb
    Looking for a little hope
    Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine,
    And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope
    I said, 'Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
    Come on put a little love here in my void,' he said
    'It's all in your head,' and I said, 'So's everything'
    But he didn't get it I thought he was a man
    But he was just a little boy
    Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
    'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
    I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
    Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love



    fuck my face, fuck my name
    they are brief & false advertisements
    for a soul, i don't have
    something true i have lacked



    I said, "that boy's handsome"
    and a little bit of me wanted to be beautiful-
    she said, "It's hard to look in the mirror these days
    when everyone has everything you'd rather be."
    There's just something about his smile He looks so nice,
    I wish I had friends like that
    They'd always be there for me, I wouldn't look bad
    They wouldn't talk behind my back.



    Her shirts get lower as her pants get tighter.
    She can't help but throw herself into the arms of any guy that gives her the time of day.
    She has the ability to fake everything behind a smile.
    She forgets everything, drinks enough to relax.
    She surrounds herself with people she calls friends and pretends that she's oblivious to the things they whisper behind her back.
    She acts like nothing bothers her and holds her head up high.
    She throws herself into novels so she can pretend she's someone else. She cries herself to sleep while her memories play like nightmares. every morning she wakes up to the same song and masks on the same layer of makeup.
    and everything repeats itself.
    She's hit rock bottom



    I don't wanna get inside your mind or your pants
    I don't wanna waste my time with love and romance
    I want my next-ex-boyfriend, my next-ex-boyfriend
    I don't want the fairy tale and
    I don't want the boy from hell
    And I don't want to spend the time
    And I dont need no valentine



    I never promised you a ray of light
    I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday
    I'll give you everything I have - the good, the bad
    Why do you put me on a pedastal
    I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below
    So help me down you've got it wrong
    I don't belong there

    One thing is clear I wear a halo,
    I wear a halo when you look at me,
    But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
    You wouldn't say so if you were me and I,
    I just wanna love you, oh, oh, I
    I just wanna love you

    I always said that I would make mistakes
    I'm only human and that's my saving grace
    I"ll fall as hard as I try so don't be blinded
    See me as I really am
    I have flaws and sometimes I even sin
    So pull me from that pedastal, I don't belong there



    I start to feel like I can't maintain the facade any longer, that I may just start to show through. And I wish I knew what was wrong. Maybe something about how stupid my whole life is. I don't know. Why does the rest of the world put up with the hypocrisy, the need to put a happy face on sorrow, the need to keep on keeping on?... I don't know the answer, I know only that I can't. I don't want any more vicissitudes, I don't want any more of this try, try again stuff. I just want out. I've had it. I am so tired. I am sixteen and I am already exhausted.



    if they tell you that she died of sleeping pills, you must know that she died of wasting grief, of a slow bleeding at the soul



    It was easy to wish to let go of the torture and the heartbreak and the missing of him. it seemed easy at least. But there was a catch to. To let go of the pain she had to give up on the other parts to: the feeling of being loved. The feeling of being wanted and even needed. The way he looked at her and touched her. The way her name sounded when he said it


    Shit!
    Nothing makes sense, so I won't think about it. I'll go with the ignorance.
    Eat, sleep, fuck and flee; in four words, that's me.
    I am full of indifference.
    What do the old people teach us but how to die
    and what do those hissy fits teach you except how to cry, pussy, cry?
    Yeah the futile, the futile, it outweighs the beautiful.


    It's sadder than the saddest movie
    I ever saw
    But without the beauty
    So I stopped watching
    I stopped caring
    I've lost all interest
    And I stopped wearing
    These plastic smiles
    I've washed my hands clean
    Forget that you
    Forgot about me


    (So say goodbye) to the vows you take
    (And say goodbye) to the life you make
    (And say goodbye) to the heart you break
    And all the cyanide you drank.
    (And say goodbye) to the last parade
    (And walk away) from the choice you made
    (And say goodnight) to the hearts you break
    And all the cyanide you drank.




    after a while you learn the subtle difference
    between holding a hand and chaining a soul
    and you learn that love doesnt mean leaning
    and company doesnt mean security
    and you begin to learn that kisses arent contracts
    and presents arent promises
    and you begin to accept your defeats
    with your head up and your eyes open
    with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
    and you learn to build all your roads on today, because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
    after a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to give you flowers. and you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong
    and you really do have worth..and you learn and learn
    with every goodbye you learn..


    you say you don't see any part of me to love in all this mess.




    See the strange girl talking to her shadow
    She's got a secret to tell
    Her imaginary friend knows everything
    Don't let her go out
    She says they won't believe you
    You don't know what you're talking about
    Doesn't sit still, doesn't look well
    Give her something, make it chemical chemical
    You'll get use to cranial niches
    Smoothes out neuro-tramsmitted glitches
    You'll feel better when you cannot feel
    We'll have such a fabulous time
    Almost imitate a normal life
    You'll feel better when you cannot feel


    Forgive, sounds good
    Forget, I’m not sure I could
    They say time heals everything
    But I’m still waiting
    I’m through with doubt
    There’s nothing left for me to figure out
    I’ve paid a price
    And I’ll keep paying
    I’m not ready to make nice
    I’m not ready to back down
    I’m still mad as hell and
    I don’t have time to go round and round and round
    It’s too late to make it right
    I probably wouldn’t if I could
    ‘Cause I’m mad as hell
    Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
    I know you said
    Can’t you just get over it
    It turned my whole world around
    And I kind of like it



    Hello, I'm neurotic
    Creating problems that don't exist
    Don't believe me when I say it's alright
    Let's go to my apartment
    We'll pull the sheets up over our heads
    Forget all reasons to go outside
    Beats pulse, they're automatic
    Locked inside of my apartment
    Make confessions with the television on
    I'm fine



    What do you do when your angels
    Have all flown away?
    There's an ache through my body
    That just won't go away
    Here's a picture that we took last fall
    See there you haven't aged at all
    But you, have a smile I haven't seen around
    Lately you're as dark as this town
    And I know it seems like nothing changes
    Days go by and we just age
    Well, killing time can feel so right
    In your bedroom without the lights
    Let's get old together
    Make promises and lie but never
    Let this city get the best of us
    Grow apart from the things we love
    So whisper and tell me where I went wrong
    Tell me why everything around you lost its shine
    Why nothing glows
    Let's get out of this mess
    No one will even know we left
    No use on dwelling on the thing you'll soon forget
    Thursday, November 16th, 2006
    3:43 pm
    anderson71288 (10:04:36 AM): baby i love you lots and lots and lots and i dont know what i would ever do without you remember i love you always and don't doubt that even for a second.........your my one and only, my always and forever, the love i've always looked for and the love i found....i love you, stephanie and dont forget it....
    Thursday, October 12th, 2006
    12:25 am
    If I lay here
    If I just lay here
    Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

    It's the burning deep inside
    It's too hard to be denied
    It's the feeling when you're right there to hold me
    And incase you ever have a doubt
    I want to let you know this right now
    I'm yours
    You give me all the reason I need

    Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love,
    It's a waste of your time.
    There are too many mediocre things in life.
    Love shouldn't be one of them.

    yes I'm telling the world
    there's no living without you
    cause I wake up every morning
    thinking about
    [ you ]

    When I look up,
    You are the brightest star in a pocketful of skies.
    My colored picture,
    In a world of black and white.
    My only dream come true

    It's not always so easy
    And sometimes life can be d e c e i v i n g
    But I will tell you one thing:
    It's always better when we're [ together ]

    I won't give up on you
    You know that's what I'm saying
    Tell me you know it's true
    Thank you for always staying
    Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
    3:24 am
    I don't deserve him
    AIM is an advertising supported product Do you know this person? Report IM Spam

    anderson71288 (12:03:35 AM): hey baby
    StellarChic625 (12:03:41 AM): hey
    StellarChic625 (12:03:43 AM): what's up?
    anderson71288 (12:04:11 AM): not much just got back from helpin emily pack
    StellarChic625 (12:04:22 AM): ooh I see, how was that
    anderson71288 (12:04:49 AM): it was alright.....she wrote me a pretty amazing letter....and it makes me kinda sad
    anderson71288 (12:04:57 AM): and happy at the same time
    anderson71288 (12:04:59 AM): your in it
    StellarChic625 (12:05:01 AM): aw, I'm sorry
    StellarChic625 (12:05:04 AM): eh?
    anderson71288 (12:06:11 AM): she was just sayin how much lately she can tell that im happy and shes pretty sure its because of you and if you make me this happy then your by far alright for her
    StellarChic625 (12:07:27 AM): that's nice of her
    anderson71288 (12:08:11 AM): so how was your day?
    StellarChic625 (12:08:24 AM): it was alrighty
    StellarChic625 (12:08:38 AM): pretty boring
    StellarChic625 (12:08:40 AM): yours?
    anderson71288 (12:09:01 AM): alright i guess
    anderson71288 (12:09:15 AM): i took matt to football practice and that was about it
    StellarChic625 (12:09:35 AM): did you work at all?
    anderson71288 (12:09:47 AM): nope
    anderson71288 (12:10:31 AM): did you end up seein your brother?
    StellarChic625 (12:10:47 AM): nope
    StellarChic625 (12:10:53 AM): he called and said he was coming in a few hours
    StellarChic625 (12:10:57 AM): but never showed up
    anderson71288 (12:11:08 AM): im sorry
    StellarChic625 (12:11:28 AM): *shrug* doesn't really matter to me
    anderson71288 (12:12:07 AM): is something wrong?
    anderson71288 (12:12:11 AM): just wonderin
    StellarChic625 (12:12:27 AM): nope, does it seem like it?
    anderson71288 (12:12:40 AM): maybe allittle......i dont know.
    StellarChic625 (12:13:04 AM): how so?
    anderson71288 (12:13:28 AM): i dont know.......just a feeling i guess
    anderson71288 (12:14:54 AM): but anyway.....
    anderson71288 (12:16:07 AM): ummm.......you stopped talkin
    StellarChic625 (12:16:15 AM): sorry
    StellarChic625 (12:16:16 AM): erm
    StellarChic625 (12:16:28 AM): I went shopping for a little bit, got like 4 new shirts
    anderson71288 (12:16:37 AM): sweet
    anderson71288 (12:17:07 AM): pick up lots of guys at the store.........lol
    StellarChic625 (12:17:31 AM): not quite lol
    StellarChic625 (12:17:55 AM): we weren't shopping for very long though 'cause my dad calls and is like "john cut his finger off!"
    anderson71288 (12:18:00 AM): i love you
    StellarChic625 (12:18:05 AM): I love you too
    StellarChic625 (12:18:33 AM): so we hurried home and he hadn't cut his finger off, he had just put a pretty big slice in it
    anderson71288 (12:18:51 AM): wow that sucks
    StellarChic625 (12:19:06 AM): eh, he's alright lol
    StellarChic625 (12:19:14 AM): he got out of changing diapers so he didn't mind
    anderson71288 (12:19:22 AM): lol
    anderson71288 (12:21:05 AM): man i cant wait till you get back
    StellarChic625 (12:21:23 AM): me neither
    anderson71288 (12:21:59 AM): so when are you coming back again?
    StellarChic625 (12:22:53 AM): I'm still not positive if it's Saturday or Sunday
    anderson71288 (12:24:09 AM): sweet
    anderson71288 (12:24:26 AM): your sure nothing is wrong?....
    anderson71288 (12:24:53 AM): im sorry i dont mean to keep bothering you, you just seem different tonight or maybe its just me
    StellarChic625 (12:25:06 AM): no, I'm fine
    StellarChic625 (12:25:15 AM): erm, tired I guess, but nothing is bothering me
    anderson71288 (12:25:45 AM): okay then sorry
    StellarChic625 (12:26:45 AM): it's alright
    anderson71288 (12:27:20 AM): i guess im getting to that paraniod phase.......sorry.
    StellarChic625 (12:27:50 AM): it's alright
    StellarChic625 (12:27:53 AM): don't worry about it
    StellarChic625 (12:27:58 AM): you have nothing to be paranoid about
    StellarChic625 (12:28:05 AM): I love you and that's not changing
    anderson71288 (12:28:47 AM): i know its just vacation just seems to be a hott spot of girls cheating on me and im really not worried about it with you.......i dont know im a girl dont listen to me
    StellarChic625 (12:29:14 AM): it's alright hun
    StellarChic625 (12:29:26 AM): I haven't even talked to anyone besides family here
    StellarChic625 (12:29:40 AM): oh wait, I talked to a waitress lol
    anderson71288 (12:30:12 AM): a WAITRESS? damn now i know im screwed........lol
    StellarChic625 (12:30:23 AM): I know
    StellarChic625 (12:31:16 AM): and I told her I wanted water and pork chops
    anderson71288 (12:31:55 AM): damn that most be code for lets go in the back and get some.........lol
    StellarChic625 (12:32:09 AM): totally
    anderson71288 (12:32:20 AM): gross......i will have to kick her ass
    anderson71288 (12:32:56 AM): lol
    StellarChic625 (12:33:19 AM): I was supposed to tell you that they have some fine pickins' at Walmart at 11:30 on a Monday night though
    StellarChic625 (12:33:24 AM): there was some total hotties lol
    StellarChic625 (12:33:52 AM): if only I thought a bunch of red necked people were hot
    anderson71288 (12:34:03 AM): ic......
    anderson71288 (12:34:58 AM): thats my fav........rednecks really turn me on......i think their tractors sexy......
    StellarChic625 (12:35:40 AM): totally
    StellarChic625 (12:35:57 AM): that's actually been my theme song since i've been down here
    StellarChic625 (12:36:07 AM): and I walk around in my tied up flannel shirts
    anderson71288 (12:36:34 AM): do ya now? sounds just like you
    StellarChic625 (12:36:54 AM): yup
    StellarChic625 (12:37:09 AM): a whole other side of me comes out when I'm down here lol
    anderson71288 (12:37:46 AM): hmm......im going to have to think again about coming down there with you next year
    anderson71288 (12:37:59 AM): lol just playin......i would go anywhere with you
    StellarChic625 (12:40:01 AM): uh huh lol
    StellarChic625 (12:40:29 AM): what about show choir trips? lol
    anderson71288 (12:40:53 AM): sounds good to me
    anderson71288 (12:41:12 AM): babe if theirs a you in it than id do anything...........lol
    StellarChic625 (12:42:15 AM): would you go to the gyno with me?
    StellarChic625 (12:42:16 AM): haha
    anderson71288 (12:43:57 AM): .........did i saw almost? cuz i think i forgot to
    StellarChic625 (12:45:03 AM): hahaha
    anderson71288 (12:45:45 AM): If that ain't love then I don't know what love is


    anderson71288 (12:45:52 AM): sorry.......that song kicks ass
    StellarChic625 (12:45:58 AM): haha, that it does
    StellarChic625 (12:47:23 AM): aren't you glad your awesome girlfriend listens to good music?
    StellarChic625 (12:47:25 AM): haha j/k
    anderson71288 (12:48:13 AM): well i am glad i have an awesome girlfriend but i wouldnt go as far as "good" music...........
    anderson71288 (12:48:14 AM): lol just j/k
    StellarChic625 (12:48:22 AM): uh huh
    StellarChic625 (12:48:34 AM): like your music is?
    StellarChic625 (12:48:36 AM):
    anderson71288 (12:49:00 AM): um...........
    anderson71288 (12:49:05 AM): i love you......
    anderson71288 (12:49:17 AM): o and my music kicks ass
    StellarChic625 (12:49:20 AM): I love you too
    anderson71288 (12:49:24 AM): lol
    StellarChic625 (12:49:31 AM): and some of your music is good
    anderson71288 (12:49:54 AM): if by some you mean all.
    anderson71288 (12:50:10 AM): and a half
    StellarChic625 (12:50:27 AM): you're a half
    StellarChic625 (12:50:56 AM): ...half of a great couple
    StellarChic625 (12:50:58 AM): ooooh lol
    StellarChic625 (12:51:02 AM): <---loser
    anderson71288 (12:51:08 AM): no without you i'd only be a half.............
    StellarChic625 (12:53:22 AM): lol
    StellarChic625 (12:53:24 AM): we're dorks
    anderson71288 (12:54:30 AM): well if lovin you makes me a dork you otta go ahead and by me a pocket protector............
    StellarChic625 (12:54:44 AM): haha
    anderson71288 (12:56:43 AM): and i will wipp out my overalls and glasses as well
    StellarChic625 (12:56:54 AM): oof, that would be dead sexy
    anderson71288 (12:57:00 AM): i know
    anderson71288 (12:59:33 AM): your dead sexy
    StellarChic625 (1:00:00 AM): lol thanks
    anderson71288 (1:00:42 AM): well im going to make sure i dont work sunday
    StellarChic625 (1:01:02 AM): are you scheduled to work sunday?
    anderson71288 (1:01:15 AM): i havent got the schedule yet
    anderson71288 (1:01:52 AM): i'll just get fired or somethin..........lol
    StellarChic625 (1:01:59 AM): noooo
    StellarChic625 (1:02:05 AM): bad idea
    anderson71288 (1:02:51 AM): just jokin
    anderson71288 (1:03:39 AM): so you got any more good stories?
    StellarChic625 (1:04:41 AM): erm, not that I can think of
    StellarChic625 (1:05:45 AM): you?
    anderson71288 (1:06:30 AM): not really.......
    StellarChic625 (1:08:55 AM): woo, we have exciting lives
    anderson71288 (1:09:18 AM): well not other than each other
    StellarChic625 (1:09:23 AM): haha
    anderson71288 (1:11:00 AM): man im tired tonight
    StellarChic625 (1:11:16 AM): I've been tired like all week
    anderson71288 (1:11:44 AM): i wouldnt doubt it, its not easy being as pretty as you are
    StellarChic625 (1:11:57 AM): haha
    anderson71288 (1:14:52 AM): hey i will brb
    StellarChic625 (1:14:59 AM): mmkay
    anderson71288 (1:34:51 AM): i love you........ppppchhhh
    StellarChic625 (1:35:26 AM): I love you too
    StellarChic625 (1:35:30 AM): you were gone for a while
    anderson71288 (1:35:50 AM): im sorry i didnt mean to leave you for so long
    StellarChic625 (1:36:04 AM): it's alright
    StellarChic625 (1:37:32 AM): what were you doing?
    anderson71288 (1:38:12 AM): just cleanin up a bit.......and i was going to get some food since i havent ate today but i decided i wasnt hungry
    StellarChic625 (1:41:32 AM): fun fun
    anderson71288 (1:42:04 AM): yep........ what did you do while i was gone?..........
    StellarChic625 (1:42:33 AM): looked at sexy costumes haha
    anderson71288 (1:42:59 AM): what?
    StellarChic625 (1:43:12 AM): lol sexy costumes
    anderson71288 (1:43:22 AM): for what?
    StellarChic625 (1:43:36 AM): lol I dunno, just being bored
    StellarChic625 (1:43:45 AM): well, actually
    StellarChic625 (1:44:00 AM): the costumes are for me and you
    StellarChic625 (1:44:03 AM): haha
    anderson71288 (1:44:06 AM): like halloween costumes or like dress up bedroom costumes?
    anderson71288 (1:44:10 AM): ic
    anderson71288 (1:44:42 AM): well i dont think you need to wear a costume.......lol
    anderson71288 (1:44:53 AM): i like you more than enough now
    anderson71288 (1:45:03 AM): lol
    StellarChic625 (1:46:02 AM): haha, bedroom costumes
    anderson71288 (1:47:41 AM): oic.......hmmm...........sexy
    anderson71288 (1:47:43 AM): lol
    StellarChic625 (1:48:00 AM): lol hrm, let me find a good one to show you haha
    anderson71288 (1:48:19 AM): do you have it on cuz that would be the best......lol
    StellarChic625 (1:48:29 AM): haha, not quite
    StellarChic625 (1:48:44 AM): they're like expensive
    anderson71288 (1:49:46 AM): oic
    anderson71288 (1:50:04 AM): a skirt is all the costume i need........lol
    StellarChic625 (1:50:23 AM): haha
    StellarChic625 (1:50:37 AM): http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/sedegiadhaco.html
    StellarChic625 (1:50:44 AM): haha, there's a good one for me
    anderson71288 (1:52:21 AM): ive decided you have to much time on your hands.......lol. but you would look pretty damn sexy in it.......
    anderson71288 (1:52:22 AM): lol
    StellarChic625 (1:52:33 AM): hahaha
    StellarChic625 (1:52:58 AM): I was actually just looking at the shoes on the website but the costumes are always fun to look at lol
    anderson71288 (1:53:08 AM): uh huh im sure
    anderson71288 (1:54:42 AM): right so this is a bit different than what i thought we were going to talk about tonight....lol
    StellarChic625 (1:54:50 AM): haha
    StellarChic625 (1:55:02 AM): what'd you think we were going to talk about?
    anderson71288 (1:55:55 AM): i dont know what we usually talk about......you know like how much i love you and .............the normal stuff but this is totally random and i like it....lol
    StellarChic625 (1:56:31 AM): haha
    StellarChic625 (1:57:53 AM): they have a pimp costume haha
    StellarChic625 (1:58:36 AM): and fantasy costumes, like rainbow bright and uh, alice in wonderland haha
    anderson71288 (1:59:42 AM): thats sweet
    StellarChic625 (2:03:40 AM): meow?
    anderson71288 (2:04:06 AM): mrow
    StellarChic625 (2:05:06 AM): I miss youuu
    anderson71288 (2:05:42 AM): i miss you too baby.......theirs not a minute that goses by that i dont think about you
    StellarChic625 (2:06:07 AM): ditto
    anderson71288 (2:08:42 AM): i cant wait till you get back
    anderson71288 (2:09:00 AM): that two day kiss is going to end up lasting two months
    StellarChic625 (2:09:08 AM): haha
    StellarChic625 (2:09:26 AM): I won't mind
    anderson71288 (2:09:53 AM): o and neither will i
    StellarChic625 (2:12:21 AM): agh...it's like forever away
    anderson71288 (2:12:37 AM): its okay
    anderson71288 (2:16:34 AM): some things are even more amazing when you wait for them............
    StellarChic625 (2:16:47 AM): lol thats true
    StellarChic625 (2:17:11 AM): lol thats like... the story of our relationship
    anderson71288 (2:18:42 AM): hey it worked out tho right?
    StellarChic625 (2:19:50 AM): yes indeed
    anderson71288 (2:21:44 AM): i mean it had to for me to be dreamin everynight of my beautiful girlfriend
    StellarChic625 (2:22:08 AM): teehee
    StellarChic625 (2:22:13 AM): I love you
    anderson71288 (2:23:08 AM): i love you more than you'll ever know baby
    StellarChic625 (2:23:45 AM): I feel the same
    anderson71288 (2:24:55 AM):
    StellarChic625 (2:28:58 AM):
    StellarChic625 (2:32:11 AM): gah, I don't think DACC is gonna have all the classes I need for pre-pharm
    anderson71288 (2:32:42 AM): thats unfortunate.......
    anderson71288 (2:34:52 AM): dang whats your other choice?
    StellarChic625 (2:34:59 AM): I have nooo ida
    StellarChic625 (2:35:01 AM): *idea
    StellarChic625 (2:35:11 AM): I know Eastern has the courses I'll need
    StellarChic625 (2:35:26 AM): so a year at Dacc, a year at eastern, 4 years at SIUE
    StellarChic625 (2:35:33 AM): possibly
    anderson71288 (2:36:07 AM): dang......
    StellarChic625 (2:36:31 AM): gah
    StellarChic625 (2:36:37 AM): I hate growing up
    anderson71288 (2:37:08 AM): yep....
    anderson71288 went away at 2:37:38 AM.
    anderson71288 returned at 2:37:39 AM.
    StellarChic625 (2:37:44 AM): meow?
    anderson71288 (2:37:48 AM): yes?
    anderson71288 (2:37:50 AM): mrow
    StellarChic625 (2:37:56 AM): you went away
    anderson71288 (2:38:11 AM): i know....i wanted to save a message real quick
    StellarChic625 (2:38:44 AM): ohh ok
    StellarChic625 (2:38:54 AM): wait, I might be in luck lol
    StellarChic625 (2:40:15 AM): sorry, I decided to look all this up at like 3 am because I figured I should probably check it out before saying all my plans and having them turn out completely different
    anderson71288 (2:40:40 AM): okay then......lol
    StellarChic625 (2:40:47 AM): ...
    anderson71288 (2:41:18 AM): i hope you can go to dacc
    StellarChic625 (2:41:34 AM): I'll be able to go for at least a year
    StellarChic625 (2:42:20 AM): and I'm pretty sure that I can work everything out to go the 2 years but that still leaves 4 years at a school that's like 3-4 hours away from here
    anderson71288 (2:43:05 AM): i think after 2 years of dating we could start makin more serious decisions......
    anderson71288 (2:43:30 AM): like i dont know......that came out wrong......lol
    StellarChic625 (2:43:35 AM): haha I know
    StellarChic625 (2:43:40 AM): I'm just saying
    StellarChic625 (2:43:52 AM): I don't plan that far ahead with this type of thing, no offense
    anderson71288 (2:44:00 AM): i know.....
    anderson71288 (2:44:43 AM): i like to think about it cuz i dont ever plan on it messin up but hey thats just me and thats probally half the reason i get hurt....lol
    anderson71288 (2:45:30 AM): okay im going to make you feel uncomfortable.....ummmm.....i like the rain how bout you?
    StellarChic625 (2:45:44 AM): lol it's fine, you won't make me feel uncomfortable
    StellarChic625 (2:45:59 AM): rain is ok, I couldn't lay out 'cause of it today though
    StellarChic625 (2:46:19 AM): and I know what you mean 'cause I've been in the same situation before
    anderson71288 (2:46:30 AM): how is that?
    StellarChic625 (2:46:47 AM): planning for something and it not turning out as planned
    anderson71288 (2:47:11 AM): well with me anyplan you make wont get messed up on my part.
    anderson71288 (2:48:00 AM): i just enter a relationship not thinking of an end so i think about things like two years from now and stuff like that cuz im a girl
    StellarChic625 (2:48:39 AM): lol I used to think that way
    StellarChic625 (2:48:57 AM): but then I started trying to be rational because I got screwed over
    anderson71288 (2:51:00 AM): well ive been screwed over plenty of times......im just positve and i know theirs a girl meant for me and i can think things like this cuz if it works out it does if not it was meant to be....i think your that girl to me.....we've always meant to get together and never have and finally we somehow got drawn back to eachother and we think of eachother as the most wonderful people ever.....
    anderson71288 (2:52:24 AM): see now im freakin you out.........
    StellarChic625 (2:53:11 AM): no you're not
    StellarChic625 (2:53:25 AM): it's fine, I've never had a guy say something that forward to me though
    anderson71288 (2:53:38 AM): im sorry
    StellarChic625 (2:53:45 AM): no, it's ok
    StellarChic625 (2:53:48 AM): don't be sorry
    StellarChic625 (2:53:52 AM): I'm glad you feel that way
    anderson71288 (2:54:14 AM): what do you think about it honestly?
    StellarChic625 (2:54:34 AM): I think we could make it
    StellarChic625 (2:56:46 AM): I agree that it's just like awesome how everything worked out and yeah, gah I can't like put stuff into words
    anderson71288 (2:57:26 AM): have at it......you can be as blunt as you want.....you dont have to worry about hurting my feeling or anything
    StellarChic625 (2:57:35 AM): I dunno
    StellarChic625 (2:57:42 AM): I just always plan ahead and then it never works out
    StellarChic625 (2:57:57 AM): and then later on I'm like hey, I had planned this with *blank*
    StellarChic625 (2:58:05 AM): and I don't want that to happen with you
    anderson71288 (2:58:29 AM): well wether you plan it or not im still going to be there......
    anderson71288 (2:58:38 AM): if you want me too be
    StellarChic625 (2:59:02 AM): I do want you to be there
    anderson71288 (2:59:03 AM): because its all your decision cuz ive made mine and it will stay that same
    anderson71288 (3:00:38 AM): when i told you i loved you i could never have meant it more
    anderson71288 (3:01:41 AM): like even when it came to lindsey i dont know if i really loved her or i was just scared i couldnt find anyone else........and with you i wouldnt rather be with anyone else
    anderson71288 (3:03:00 AM): okay we gots to change conversations......i really think im weirding you out
    anderson71288 (3:03:26 AM): your probally like.....o god what did i get into i have a crazy ass bf
    anderson71288 (3:03:35 AM): lol
    StellarChic625 (3:03:45 AM): no, you're not, really, sorry I'm just distracted with everything
    StellarChic625 (3:04:46 AM): I really love you Derek and I do want things to work out I just hate planning the future with something like this because the minute I start to have faith that it'll actually happen will be right about when you decide you're not happy with me anymore
    anderson71288 (3:08:11 AM): thats what i want tho for you to have faith in me and trust me but i know that will take time....im not like the other guys you've dated...i would do anything for you........i dont wanna pressure you into anything you dont want to do. i would probally feel the same way if the tables where turned....like i said with everything else i will just have to prove it. and i dont want you to just straight out believe me.......i want to work for you....because you deserve the best..and i will do my best to make sure you get what i can give.....even tho i know you could do better than me.
    StellarChic625 (3:10:36 AM): well I do trust you and such, I just don't trust the future, as stupid as that sounds, and I don't even deserve you and I don't believe it gets any better than you because you're amazing times like a million
    anderson71288 (3:12:16 AM): well i know what you mean and im sorry i went off the deep end, its just without you here i do alot of thinking about you and like anyone else i like to picture how it would be if we did work out...you know like daydreamin and stuff
    StellarChic625 (3:13:23 AM): it's alright, you don't have to apologize, I'm the one that brought up the whole 3 years from now thing, and I've daydreamed about stuff like that too, so it's ok if you do it
    StellarChic625 (3:13:32 AM): makes me not feel like as much of a retard
    anderson71288 (3:14:14 AM): hey its cool.......i like to dream. that and you are what gets me throught the day.....lol
    StellarChic625 (3:16:08 AM): lol
    StellarChic625 (3:16:10 AM):
    anderson71288 (3:16:51 AM): umm well now that i have creeped you out enough tonight i think i am going to bed
    anderson71288 (3:18:33 AM): hello?
    StellarChic625 (3:20:04 AM): sorry I was in the other room
    StellarChic625 (3:20:12 AM): and you didn't creep me out
    anderson71288 (3:20:40 AM): maybe not
    anderson71288 (3:21:02 AM): well im going to bed
    anderson71288 (3:21:11 AM): goodnight
    StellarChic625 (3:21:21 AM): alrighty, ttyl, I love you, goodnight
    anderson71288 (3:22:11 AM): i love you too baby more than you'll ever know........goodnight and sweetdreams.....and dont worry my dreams will be the best cuz they are always of you
    anderson71288 went away at 3:22:22 AM.
    Monday, August 7th, 2006
    3:26 am
    gah, this boy is SO amazing :-D


    StellarChic625 (11:47:10 PM): hey hun
    anderson71288 (11:47:16 PM): hey baby
    StellarChic625 (11:47:23 PM): what's up?
    anderson71288 (11:47:58 PM): just sittin at home....
    anderson71288 (11:48:05 PM): playin video games
    anderson71288 (11:48:14 PM): waiting for you to get on
    StellarChic625 (11:48:20 PM): that sounds pretty exciting
    anderson71288 (11:48:51 PM): ya i know im just an exciting kinda guy.........how was your day
    StellarChic625 (11:49:13 PM): eh, it was alright
    StellarChic625 (11:49:19 PM): it's pretty boring down here
    anderson71288 (11:49:40 PM): im sorry
    anderson71288 (11:49:55 PM): without you its pretty boring up here
    StellarChic625 (11:50:25 PM): I bet lol
    anderson71288 (11:51:29 PM): so........
    anderson71288 (11:51:45 PM): i miss you alot
    StellarChic625 (11:51:53 PM): I miss you too
    anderson71288 (11:52:38 PM): i decided i wasnt going to find any friends so i just bout some more video games.......lol
    StellarChic625 (11:53:03 PM): have you hung out with Emily yet?
    anderson71288 (11:53:17 PM): nopw
    anderson71288 (11:53:18 PM): nope
    StellarChic625 (11:53:41 PM): how come?
    anderson71288 (11:54:08 PM): no time
    StellarChic625 (11:54:29 PM): ohh, I'm sorry
    anderson71288 (11:54:36 PM): its cool
    anderson71288 (11:54:44 PM): did you try callin me today?
    anderson71288 (11:54:57 PM): cuz i saw some weird numbers on caller id
    StellarChic625 (11:55:07 PM): nuh uh
    anderson71288 (11:55:16 PM): oo okay then
    anderson71288 (11:56:39 PM): i love you
    StellarChic625 (11:56:45 PM): I love you too
    StellarChic625 (11:56:56 PM): I wish it was Sunday already
    anderson71288 (11:57:04 PM): as do i
    anderson71288 (11:59:48 PM): so you been pickin up all the guys lately
    StellarChic625 (12:00:00 AM): oh yeah
    StellarChic625 (12:00:10 AM): seeing as I've left here once to go out to breakfast lol
    anderson71288 (12:01:03 AM): your just that good.......they just flock to you
    anderson71288 (12:01:26 AM): you've got to be the prettiest girl down there
    StellarChic625 (12:01:46 AM): oh yeah right
    StellarChic625 (12:01:47 AM): lol
    StellarChic625 (12:02:52 AM): well hey, at least you're making me feel better lol
    StellarChic625 (12:02:58 AM): everyone has made fun of me all day
    StellarChic625 (12:03:07 AM): and I'm a pansy so it makes me mad lol
    anderson71288 (12:03:56 AM): their just jealous so dont worry about it i love you and i will just beat them up...lol
    StellarChic625 (12:04:28 AM): haha, ok, you're gonna beat my whole family up?
    anderson71288 (12:04:42 AM): maybe.................not.
    StellarChic625 (12:04:49 AM): lol exactly
    StellarChic625 (12:04:53 AM): but I still love you lol
    StellarChic625 (12:05:46 AM): and I was talking with John about how you're not gay lol
    anderson71288 (12:06:17 AM): why would i be gay?
    StellarChic625 (12:06:58 AM): lol because most of my boyfriends have been
    anderson71288 (12:07:18 AM): o ic
    anderson71288 (12:07:45 AM): well im not going to be gay i already promised you that
    StellarChic625 (12:08:20 AM): that's good lol
    StellarChic625 (12:09:00 AM): have you met my sister Danielle's boyfriend Cody?
    anderson71288 (12:10:07 AM): no
    StellarChic625 (12:10:26 AM): oh ok lol
    StellarChic625 (12:10:35 AM): well John will go off of Cody's judgement of you
    anderson71288 (12:11:36 AM): ic
    anderson71288 (12:11:36 AM): well i guess i will just have to be a cool guy
    StellarChic625 (12:12:50 AM): meow
    anderson71288 (12:12:56 AM): Mrow
    StellarChic625 (12:13:33 AM): *sigh* I can't believe it's still like 6 days
    anderson71288 (12:14:04 AM): ya i know....
    anderson71288 (12:14:10 AM): im dyin you
    anderson71288 (12:14:14 AM): im dyin ya
    anderson71288 (12:14:19 AM): damnit
    StellarChic625 (12:14:20 AM): ...
    anderson71288 (12:14:25 AM): im dying yo.
    anderson71288 (12:14:28 AM): okay i got it
    StellarChic625 (12:14:29 AM): good job lol
    StellarChic625 (12:14:44 AM): I'm dyin ya too
    anderson71288 (12:14:54 AM): lol
    StellarChic625 (12:14:55 AM):
    StellarChic625 (12:15:44 AM): well, at least I can talk to you
    StellarChic625 (12:16:06 AM): last year when I went to St Maarten I couldn't talk to anyway for like over a week, it sucked
    anderson71288 (12:16:30 AM): ya that would suck
    anderson71288 (12:16:38 AM): just not seeing you is bad enough
    StellarChic625 (12:18:59 AM): yeah I know, it sucks
    anderson71288 (12:19:43 AM): aww i like your info......makes me feel loved
    StellarChic625 (12:20:28 AM): lol well good, 'cause you are loved
    anderson71288 (12:21:08 AM): and so are you
    StellarChic625 (12:21:40 AM):
    StellarChic625 (12:23:36 AM): I have no stories lol
    StellarChic625 (12:23:41 AM): do you?
    anderson71288 (12:23:45 AM): no.....
    anderson71288 (12:24:01 AM): im speechless when it comes to you baby
    anderson71288 (12:24:04 AM): lol
    StellarChic625 (12:24:07 AM): haha
    StellarChic625 (12:24:09 AM): you dork
    anderson71288 (12:25:13 AM): maybe if you would stop being so amazing i would have some stories but with the constant thought of you in my head its hard to think of anything else at all.......sometimes i even forget to breathe.........
    StellarChic625 (12:25:50 AM): lol well, I'm sorry, I'll try to stop being so amazing
    StellarChic625 (12:26:06 AM): and don't forget to breath or else you might pass out and miss out on my amazingness haha
    anderson71288 (12:26:34 AM): lol
    anderson71288 (12:26:44 AM): i wouldnt want to do that
    StellarChic625 (12:29:05 AM): agh, her dog is sleeping and it's like snoring and making this weird noise
    StellarChic625 (12:29:08 AM): it's freaky
    anderson71288 (12:29:23 AM): thats gross
    StellarChic625 (12:29:28 AM): lol
    StellarChic625 (12:29:31 AM): yeah
    anderson71288 (12:30:33 AM): grrrr.......6 more days......when you get back im giving you a hour long hug and kiss......just so you know
    StellarChic625 (12:30:52 AM): geez, will I get to pause for breath? lol
    StellarChic625 (12:31:03 AM): and I thought you said like 9 hours
    anderson71288 (12:31:50 AM): you can breathe through your nose and by one i mean like two straight days
    StellarChic625 (12:32:02 AM): haha
    StellarChic625 (12:32:24 AM): sheesh, we're gonna be pretty worn out after that
    anderson71288 (12:32:33 AM): you might be
    anderson71288 (12:32:51 AM): i know i wont be tho
    StellarChic625 (12:34:54 AM): lol
    anderson71288 (12:36:42 AM): okay you have to start a conversation....cuz it seems the only ones that we can really talk alot about are the ones where we talk about how much we love each other..but to me those are the best
    StellarChic625 (12:36:59 AM): haha
    StellarChic625 (12:37:12 AM): yes, I happen to favor those conversations lo
    StellarChic625 (12:37:15 AM): lol*
    anderson71288 (12:38:11 AM): well i do too its easy to speak my mind when it comes to that and i never run out of things to say
    StellarChic625 (12:38:41 AM): well good, I hope you always feel that way lol
    anderson71288 (12:39:56 AM): dont worry......i will....and if that whole 11:11 wish thing is true you will always feel the same way about me too
    StellarChic625 (12:40:32 AM): well, it must be true then, 'cause I don't see how I could ever stop loving you
    anderson71288 (12:41:25 AM): aww sheeitt now i got the smile goin on......lol
    StellarChic625 (12:41:35 AM): teehee
    StellarChic625 (12:41:37 AM): mee too
    StellarChic625 (12:41:51 AM): but then again I get it pretty much as soon as I start talking to you
    StellarChic625 (12:42:13 AM): or whenver I think about you, so...I always have the smile on I guess lol
    anderson71288 (12:42:49 AM): now your just makin me look weird sittin here in front of my computer smilin my ass off.........
    StellarChic625 (12:43:15 AM): haha, well, I'm sure no one's gonna be like, hey derek, why are you smiling like a dumbass? lol
    anderson71288 (12:44:42 AM): and if they did even i would be more than happy to tell them a month long story on why i have this smile......or i guess i could just sum it up with just your name
    StellarChic625 (12:45:03 AM): teehee
    anderson71288 (12:46:34 AM): your getting pretty good with this feelings thang yours are better than mine tonight.......and i dont see any jumbled up words or anything
    StellarChic625 (12:47:02 AM): haha I guess I'm getting used to it lol
    StellarChic625 (12:47:22 AM): and I've been thinking about you like all the time so yeah... lol
    StellarChic625 (12:47:37 AM): I still don't know how I ended up with someone as amazing as you are
    anderson71288 (12:49:13 AM): well look at your self......if you ended up with some one half as amazing as you you would still be with one super amazing person..........
    StellarChic625 (12:50:32 AM): well geez, you must be twice as amazing as me then lol
    anderson71288 (12:50:57 AM): dang......your tearin me up yo
    StellarChic625 (12:51:09 AM): teehee lol
    StellarChic625 (12:52:18 AM): well like you said, it's not hard to think of good things to say when they're about someone as wonderful as you are
    StellarChic625 (12:52:22 AM):
    anderson71288 (12:52:42 AM): o ic how it is..........lol
    StellarChic625 (12:53:12 AM): eh?
    anderson71288 (12:53:43 AM): your just gettin to good for me...........
    anderson71288 (12:53:49 AM): how bout this one.......
    anderson71288 (12:55:07 AM): i knew you didnt believe in love at first sight so i walked by a second time and when you helped me up off the ground after i fell for you.....i knew i loved you then.........
    anderson71288 (12:55:15 AM): if that makes any since
    StellarChic625 (12:56:02 AM): teehee
    StellarChic625 (12:56:07 AM): lol it kinda makes sense
    StellarChic625 (12:56:24 AM): good try though
    StellarChic625 (12:56:42 AM): lol, no, it really is sweet, even if it is a bit corny lol
    anderson71288 (12:56:55 AM): wait i got it........this one never fails........
    anderson71288 (12:57:20 AM): your Grrrrrreeeeatttttttt........like frosted flakes baby.......lol
    StellarChic625 (12:57:33 AM): hahaha
    StellarChic625 (12:57:49 AM): geez Derek, that line just makes you completely irresistable teehee
    StellarChic625 (12:58:10 AM): I have to restrain myself from driving home right now lol
    anderson71288 (12:59:01 AM): i didnt wanna pull out the big ones but you just had to make me with yours being so good and all
    StellarChic625 (1:02:21 AM): ohh lol
    StellarChic625 (1:02:37 AM): well damn, I guess I shoulda known not to screw with the master of cheesy lines lol
    anderson71288 (1:04:07 AM): for reals
    anderson71288 (1:07:01 AM): i love you
    StellarChic625 (1:07:16 AM): I love you too
    anderson71288 (1:13:03 AM): has whats his face stopped bothering you as much?
    StellarChic625 (1:13:20 AM): erm, he texts me randomly
    StellarChic625 (1:13:33 AM): but not being all like "I miss you blah blah" and stuff anymore
    anderson71288 (1:13:42 AM): thats good
    StellarChic625 (1:14:09 AM): he randomly texted me to tell me he got his lip pierced, and that uh...he was seeing a movie in town or something...I was like erm...good for you
    anderson71288 (1:14:53 AM): damnit...i wanted to get my lip pierced............
    StellarChic625 (1:15:05 AM): well, you still can
    anderson71288 (1:15:12 AM): no im good
    StellarChic625 (1:15:30 AM): lol you gonna avoid doing everything he does?
    anderson71288 (1:15:38 AM): id rather be as different from him as humanly possible
    StellarChic625 (1:16:01 AM): well, he has a tattoo, so are you not gonna get one? lol
    StellarChic625 (1:16:15 AM): and you guys have a big thing in common
    anderson71288 (1:16:33 AM): what that?
    StellarChic625 (1:16:38 AM): me
    StellarChic625 (1:17:20 AM): even if you physically looked exactly like him you guys are as different as night and day
    StellarChic625 (1:17:32 AM): you're like 9865948573945843592385 times the person he is
    anderson71288 (1:18:41 AM): i try but like i said its easy to treat you good.....it would hurt me more to be mean to you then i think it would you.......i love you and i mean it so i could never do anything mean to you thats not what you do to a person you in love with
    StellarChic625 (1:19:33 AM): I know, but I'm just saying that you don't have to avoid everything he does just to prove you're different or anything
    anderson71288 (1:21:20 AM): i know
    anderson71288 (1:21:28 AM): i was just playin
    anderson71288 (1:26:34 AM): you got quiet
    anderson71288 (1:26:47 AM): whats wrong?
    StellarChic625 (1:27:14 AM): sorry, I was in the other room
    anderson71288 (1:28:14 AM): u tottally have to tell me before you put up an away message cuz it bothers me when it just pops up and you ddint say anything cuz i think your mad
    StellarChic625 (1:30:35 AM): I'm sorry!
    StellarChic625 (1:30:41 AM): did an away message go up?
    anderson71288 (1:30:45 AM): its cool
    anderson71288 (1:31:05 AM): no i was just talkin to you about it
    StellarChic625 (1:31:10 AM): oh ok
    StellarChic625 (1:32:20 AM): erm, I'm still really afraid of babies lol
    anderson71288 (1:33:59 AM): why is that?
    StellarChic625 (1:34:59 AM): I dunno little John is just all tiny and stuff and like today I was laying with him sleeping on me and then I fell asleep and he was fine but Iwas all scared that I was gonna like accidentally move him and hurt him
    anderson71288 (1:35:34 AM): your such a girl.......but its cute
    StellarChic625 (1:35:50 AM): lol I've never been around babies so it's scary!
    StellarChic625 (1:36:46 AM): gah, I'm definitely never having kids lol
    StellarChic625 (1:37:02 AM): I can't imagine being responsible for the way another person turns out
    anderson71288 (1:37:23 AM): well. okay then
    StellarChic625 (1:37:35 AM): lol sorry
    StellarChic625 (1:37:38 AM): rambling
    anderson71288 (1:39:28 AM): its cool
    anderson71288 (1:39:34 AM): i like to hear you talk about anything
    StellarChic625 (1:39:38 AM): lol
    StellarChic625 (1:39:51 AM): I'm not that interesting lol
    anderson71288 (1:40:08 AM): thats what you think
    StellarChic625 (1:40:16 AM): that's what I know
    StellarChic625 (1:41:30 AM): lol
    anderson71288 (1:42:10 AM): psshhhh you wished you knew you
    StellarChic625 (1:42:19 AM): ....
    StellarChic625 (1:42:21 AM): o.O
    anderson71288 (1:43:00 AM): ya i went there.......................lol
    StellarChic625 (1:43:17 AM): you crackhead lol
    anderson71288 (1:43:29 AM): at least im not a girl
    StellarChic625 (1:43:57 AM): at least I am a girl lol
    anderson71288 (1:46:42 AM): and a damn amazing, pretty, Great one if i do say so myself.
    StellarChic625 (1:47:01 AM):
    anderson71288 (1:50:45 AM): 14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the shit out of him.
    anderson71288 (1:50:49 AM): i like that one
    StellarChic625 (1:50:52 AM): haha
    StellarChic625 (1:50:57 AM): I figured you would
    anderson71288 (1:52:48 AM): 30. After you've been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.


    StellarChic625 (1:53:04 AM): lol yup, that's a good one
    anderson71288 (1:53:32 AM): i think i do a decent job of following those guide lines...............maybe
    StellarChic625 (1:53:43 AM): I think so lol
    StellarChic625 (1:54:00 AM): I dunno though
    StellarChic625 (1:54:06 AM): I think you flirt with my mom quite a bit
    anderson71288 (1:54:23 AM): damn i knew you were going to bring that up............
    anderson71288 (1:54:24 AM): lol
    StellarChic625 (1:54:39 AM): well...it is kinda gross
    anderson71288 (1:54:56 AM): but shes just so cool
    StellarChic625 (1:55:12 AM): yeah I know
    StellarChic625 (1:55:17 AM): it's too bad she's 60 and marries
    StellarChic625 (1:55:19 AM): *married
    anderson71288 (1:55:29 AM): thats all the better
    anderson71288 (1:56:32 AM): alright im going to bed
    StellarChic625 (1:56:41 AM): alrighty
    anderson71288 (1:56:51 AM): actually i changed my mind
    anderson71288 (1:57:04 AM): i will talk to you a bit longer
    StellarChic625 (1:57:08 AM): ...ok lol
    StellarChic625 (1:57:16 AM): didn't need much convincing
    StellarChic625 (1:59:07 AM): what do you work tomorrow?
    anderson71288 (2:02:14 AM): i dont know
    StellarChic625 (2:03:24 AM): mmkay
    anderson71288 (2:04:48 AM): tell me a story please im eating so i cant type
    StellarChic625 (2:04:58 AM): erm
    StellarChic625 (2:06:57 AM): once upon a time there was an amazing guy, who had been hurt by some insane girls and then he met a girl who had also been screwed over, and um..they tried to date for forever and after like 7 months of "talking" and the girl screwing up, they finally started dating, and it was wonderful and they were both really happy, and the girl is a loser
    StellarChic625 (2:06:59 AM):
    anderson71288 (2:11:42 AM): that was the best story i think i have ever heard...but it seems kinda familiar except for the girl screwing up? i wouldnt say it was a screw up it was for the better because the boy didnt really appreciate the girl the he would come to love back then....and once he lost and got ahold of her once agian he plans on doing his damn best treatin her how she should be treated and loving her like it is so easy for him to do cuz shes so amazing
    StellarChic625 (2:12:48 AM): you're the amazing one
    StellarChic625 (2:13:15 AM): I really don't know why any girl would let you get away
    StellarChic625 (2:13:54 AM): I definitely never intend to let you go
    anderson71288 (2:14:03 AM): i love
    anderson71288 (2:14:03 AM): you
    StellarChic625 (2:14:11 AM): I love you too
    anderson71288 (2:14:48 AM): i think that was the most romantic thing we have ever done.....
    anderson71288 (2:15:13 AM): on the internet anyways
    StellarChic625 (2:15:23 AM): lol, we're such dorks
    anderson71288 (2:16:35 AM): i dont care if we are i liked that alot.......that made my whole week..................it just makes me realize how much i love you. and it makes me feel great knowing that you feel the same way about me.
    StellarChic625 (2:17:37 AM):
    StellarChic625 (2:18:06 AM): geez, everytime I talk to you this all just seems even more amazing, 'cause I never thought I'd find anyone to be like this with
    StellarChic625 (2:18:21 AM): and it's great and I'm so happy and yeah... lol
    anderson71288 (2:19:36 AM): i feel the same way....all i ever wanted was for someone to really love me they way i love you and you do that for me and i know its real and i trust you 100% its just great
    StellarChic625 (2:20:25 AM): lol I'm never gonna stop smiling after our last couple nights of conversation
    anderson71288 (2:20:45 AM): you know my goal
    StellarChic625 (2:21:32 AM): lol well I'm pretty sure you're achieving it lol
    anderson71288 (2:22:36 AM): im getting there one word at a time
    anderson71288 (2:23:30 AM): okay im really going to bed now
    StellarChic625 (2:23:43 AM): alrighty
    anderson71288 (2:23:54 AM): sweet dreams baby
    StellarChic625 (2:24:02 AM): you too
    StellarChic625 (2:24:06 AM): I love you
    anderson71288 (2:24:22 AM): I love you, too (kisses on nose)
    StellarChic625 (2:24:27 AM): teehee
    StellarChic625 (2:24:40 AM): goodnight!
    anderson71288 (2:24:50 AM): g'night
    anderson71288 went away at 2:26:15 AM.
    anderson71288 returned at 2:26:19 AM.
    anderson71288 went away at 2:26:23 AM.
    anderson71288 returned at 2:26:26 AM.
    anderson71288 went away at 2:26:29 AM.
    anderson71288 returned at 2:26:40 AM.
    anderson71288 went away at 2:27:27 AM.
    Sunday, August 6th, 2006
    3:18 am
    www.pandora.com



    anderson71288 (11:23:07 PM): hey baby
    anderson71288 (11:23:15 PM): hey baby
    StellarChic625 (11:23:16 PM): hey hun
    StellarChic625 (11:23:19 PM): what's up?
    anderson71288 (11:23:39 PM): just got home from work
    StellarChic625 (11:23:43 PM): fun fun
    anderson71288 (11:23:53 PM): i liked the comment you left me on myspace....
    anderson71288 (11:23:55 PM): lol
    StellarChic625 (11:24:03 PM): lol
    anderson71288 (11:24:33 PM): hey im gonna go eat real quick i will brb dont leave....or else....lol
    StellarChic625 (11:24:43 PM): haha alrighty
    anderson71288 signed off at 11:34:41 PM.
    anderson71288 went idle at 11:35:04 PM.
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    anderson71288 went idle at 11:39:08 PM.
    anderson71288 (11:45:10 PM): okay baby im back


    Auto Response from StellarChic625 (11:45:10 PM): I'm around here hanging with my sister and such, leave luuv!


    StellarChic625 (11:45:35 PM): alrighty
    anderson71288 (11:45:50 PM): you were bouts to get som else....lol
    StellarChic625 (11:46:03 PM): eh?
    anderson71288 (11:46:38 PM): i said dont leave or else...and i thought you were gone so you were bouts to get some else
    StellarChic625 (11:46:49 PM): ohh
    StellarChic625 (11:46:50 PM): haha
    StellarChic625 (11:46:59 PM): what is "some else"?
    anderson71288 (11:47:44 PM): nothing really i couldnt ever do anything mean to you or even mildly mean so its just and empty threat....
    StellarChic625 (11:47:55 PM): ohh
    StellarChic625 (11:48:04 PM): lol, here I was all worried for no reason
    anderson71288 (11:48:17 PM): what were you worried about?
    anderson71288 (11:48:32 PM): or was that just sarcasm
    StellarChic625 (11:48:36 PM): about the "some else" lol
    anderson71288 (11:48:54 PM): it was no kisses for a week.....
    anderson71288 (11:49:24 PM): grrr..........i already miss you alot and you've only been gone one day
    StellarChic625 (11:49:45 PM): oh no, no kisses for a week, would that have been in addition to this week
    StellarChic625 (11:49:51 PM): I know, I miss you too
    anderson71288 (11:49:56 PM): no
    anderson71288 (11:50:00 PM): just this week
    anderson71288 (11:50:28 PM): cuz thats the only way i could enforce it by not seeing you for a week
    StellarChic625 (11:51:37 PM): lol
    StellarChic625 (11:52:30 PM): what? you can't go that long without kissing me? lol
    anderson71288 (11:52:43 PM): with you i cant go five minutes.....
    anderson71288 (11:52:55 PM): cuz.........
    anderson71288 (11:52:59 PM): every time we touch......lol
    StellarChic625 (11:53:03 PM): teehee
    anderson71288 (11:54:09 PM): im havin aaron make me a mp3 with all his techno music so you should be ready for that by the time you get back...just thought i should warn you
    StellarChic625 (11:54:49 PM): haha alrighty
    StellarChic625 (11:54:56 PM): techno is alright
    anderson71288 (11:55:40 PM): this is crazy hard core techno....lol
    anderson71288 (11:56:46 PM): how was your day?
    StellarChic625 (11:57:40 PM): boring lol
    StellarChic625 (11:57:55 PM): slept at least like 6 hours of the drive so now I'm like wired
    anderson71288 (11:58:10 PM): im sorry
    StellarChic625 (11:58:20 PM): it's alright
    StellarChic625 (11:58:26 PM): I have the lap top and whatever else to do
    StellarChic625 (11:58:33 PM): 'cause everyone is already in bed
    anderson71288 (11:58:45 PM): sweet
    anderson71288 (11:59:17 PM): my day isnt as exciting without you in it......
    anderson71288 (11:59:35 PM): works abit longer too....
    anderson71288 (11:59:44 PM): but its cool
    StellarChic625 (12:00:12 AM): aww
    StellarChic625 (12:00:30 AM): well, before you know it the week will be over and we'll get to see each other again
    anderson71288 (12:01:29 AM): and that why i'm tryin not to complain to much....its worth a week to be able to hear your sweet voice and see your pretty face....
    StellarChic625 (12:01:46 AM): aww
    StellarChic625 (12:02:04 AM): damn, it's the stupid smiley faces lol
    anderson71288 (12:02:26 AM): silly rabit trix are for kids
    anderson71288 (12:02:46 AM): how bout i spell rabbit wrong while im at it
    StellarChic625 (12:03:14 AM): haha
    StellarChic625 (12:03:24 AM): silly kids, trix are for Chuck Norris
    anderson71288 (12:03:55 AM): when do you get back i got to mark it on my calendar
    StellarChic625 (12:04:39 AM): erm, saturday or sunday
    StellarChic625 (12:04:44 AM): I don't think they've decided yet
    anderson71288 (12:04:51 AM): okay then
    anderson71288 (12:05:27 AM): so you got any stories?
    StellarChic625 (12:05:51 AM): erm, my sister's baby is really cute
    anderson71288 (12:06:02 AM): sweet
    anderson71288 (12:06:17 AM): i dont see many babies.....lol
    StellarChic625 (12:06:30 AM): I bet not lol
    anderson71288 (12:06:34 AM): unless i talk to my mom
    anderson71288 (12:06:44 AM): she pops em out about every five minutes
    StellarChic625 (12:06:48 AM): hahaha
    StellarChic625 (12:07:23 AM): so how are things with your parents?
    StellarChic625 (12:07:28 AM): are you going to get kicked out?
    anderson71288 (12:08:10 AM): ummm..i dont know....i know i dont have a job at quiznos anymore tho.....he hired someone yesterday to replace me
    StellarChic625 (12:08:21 AM): yeah you told me about that
    StellarChic625 (12:08:26 AM): I'm sorry
    anderson71288 (12:08:44 AM): its cool i dont really care
    StellarChic625 (12:08:53 AM): that
    StellarChic625 (12:09:45 AM): *that's kinda shitty though, I mean you owe him money and stuff and he's just gonna fire you
    anderson71288 (12:10:40 AM): i forgot the delivery its my own fault i would fire me to...not only did i put him in a bind i risked customer relations as well.....
    anderson71288 (12:11:46 AM): i'll find a new job
    anderson71288 (12:11:48 AM): dont worry
    anderson71288 (12:11:56 AM): im good like that
    StellarChic625 (12:12:33 AM): yeah
    StellarChic625 (12:12:35 AM): I hope so
    anderson71288 (12:13:50 AM): whos the random black guy that left you that comment?
    StellarChic625 (12:13:57 AM): I have no idea
    StellarChic625 (12:14:03 AM): I was like o.O
    StellarChic625 (12:14:12 AM): it says he's from like New York or something'
    anderson71288 (12:14:45 AM): umm....okay i see how it is leave for a week and you decide you gonna go pick up ripped black guys.........pshshh
    StellarChic625 (12:15:36 AM): grosss
    StellarChic625 (12:16:22 AM): except, not lol
    StellarChic625 (12:16:37 AM): all I need is you
    anderson71288 (12:17:42 AM): thats good to know all i need it you too baby
    StellarChic625 (12:19:44 AM): so, do you have any stories?
    anderson71288 (12:20:49 AM): not really.......i just worked....i had that family reunion and stuff and thats about it
    StellarChic625 (12:20:59 AM): oh yeah
    StellarChic625 (12:21:10 AM): well that
    StellarChic625 (12:21:14 AM): *that's fun
    StellarChic625 (12:21:18 AM): gah, I hate this thing
    anderson71288 (12:21:33 AM): you type real good like.......lol
    StellarChic625 (12:22:09 AM): it's cause this lap top is set up weird and it keeps like moving to different places and it's just gay lol
    anderson71288 (12:22:27 AM): uh huh........sure....lol
    StellarChic625 (12:22:33 AM):
    StellarChic625 (12:22:37 AM): jerk
    StellarChic625 (12:22:52 AM): hey I'll be back in a minute
    anderson71288 (12:23:27 AM): okay
    StellarChic625 (12:29:37 AM): alrighty I
    StellarChic625 (12:29:43 AM): *I'm back
    anderson71288 (12:29:50 AM): okee dokee
    anderson71288 (12:29:56 AM): i love you
    StellarChic625 (12:30:27 AM): I love you too
    StellarChic625 (12:30:44 AM): lol I'm curious, when did you realize that?
    anderson71288 (12:30:56 AM): that i love you?
    StellarChic625 (12:31:44 AM): yes
    anderson71288 (12:31:55 AM): well i dont know i
    anderson71288 (12:34:13 AM): i've always had this feeling that was different about you....every time i see you i get butterflies in my stomach every time i think about you a smile comes to my face.....i just dont know there just somethin in you that i've always needed and you fill thtat emotional gap ive had ever since lindsey...when did you feel that way
    StellarChic625 (12:35:39 AM): awww
    anderson71288 (12:36:06 AM): and i mean every word of it too...i promise
    StellarChic625 (12:37:48 AM): I dunno, it's kinda a hard feeling to know exactly when it hits but I've just really cared about you and then recently we'd just be hanging out and I realized that I did love you and I really wanted to say it but I've never said that type of thing first so I was kinda scared to
    StellarChic625 (12:38:08 AM): lol, it
    StellarChic625 (12:38:33 AM): *it's definitely not as sweet as what you said but I dunno
    StellarChic625 (12:38:40 AM): it's just been so much different with you
    StellarChic625 (12:38:53 AM): in a good way
    StellarChic625 (12:39:48 AM): like I dunno, agh, I don't know how to explain it lol
    anderson71288 (12:41:41 AM): its alright i know how you feel i thought for a week before i knew what i wanted to say and it still didnt come out right i just didnt want you to think it was to early and i was really scared because ive never said it before and actually meant it this much.......i was so scared you were going to not say it back and i would have been brokin and i really didnt want you to say it back and not mean it
    StellarChic625 (12:42:52 AM): well I mean it
    StellarChic625 (12:43:04 AM): otherwise I wouldn't have tried to get you to say it
    anderson71288 (12:48:18 AM): what did you say last?
    StellarChic625 (12:48:35 AM): StellarChic625 (12:42:52 AM): well I mean it
    StellarChic625 (12:43:04 AM): otherwise I wouldn't have tried to get you to say it
    anderson71288 (12:50:01 AM): i know........thats the only reason i actually had enough nerve to say it
    StellarChic625 (12:50:23 AM): lol
    StellarChic625 (12:50:28 AM): well I'm glad you did
    StellarChic625 (12:50:35 AM): 'cause I was pretty much bursting to say it
    StellarChic625 (12:50:40 AM): and that never happens for me lol
    anderson71288 (12:54:35 AM): well im glad you feel different about me i wanna keep it that way......i love you and i know you've been screwed over before and im gonna make sure you never have the chance to look back at our relationship and find the flaws cuz its not going to be over on my part ever to you wont have the chance to look back only at the feeling i will always have for you
    anderson71288 (12:54:41 AM): it that makes any since
    StellarChic625 (12:55:21 AM): lol yeah it does
    StellarChic625 (12:55:56 AM): and I'm not gonna do anything to screw it up either and I want to always keep you happy
    anderson71288 (12:57:18 AM): well if it was contest you've got first place on how happy you make me babye
    StellarChic625 (12:57:29 AM): hahaha
    StellarChic625 (12:57:31 AM): you dork lol
    StellarChic625 (12:59:03 AM): like I don't want this to sound bad or anything but with other guys they've said I love you first and I usually just don't respond and then try to convince myself why I should love the person or something but with you it wans't even close to like that
    StellarChic625 (12:59:43 AM): I was just really afraid to tell you because I've never said it first and because I figured you were far from it because of that conversation we had a while ago about how long it takes to love someone
    anderson71288 (1:01:07 AM): well i might have exploded in happiness if you said it first cuz i love when girls do somethin risky first..........
    anderson71288 (1:01:22 AM): but it all worked out great if i say so myself
    StellarChic625 (1:02:13 AM): lol, well I'm sorry I didn't make you explode in happiness
    StellarChic625 (1:02:28 AM): maybe I'll find something else to do that will make up for itlol
    anderson71288 (1:03:08 AM): your a perv.......lol
    anderson71288 (1:03:11 AM): and i imploded with happiness when you said it back dont worry
    StellarChic625 (1:03:50 AM): I didn't mean it like that lol
    StellarChic625 (1:04:11 AM): I think you're the perve for taking it the wrong way lol
    anderson71288 (1:06:10 AM): just jokin........you've allready takin care of makin me explode with happiness just by givin me the "smile"......
    StellarChic625 (1:06:21 AM): teehee
    StellarChic625 (1:06:40 AM): which I still keep smiling stupidly for no reason lol
    anderson71288 (1:07:58 AM): well you remember my goal right? to keep a permanent smile on your face and get rid of all your negativness
    StellarChic625 (1:08:49 AM): lol well I've been smiling quite a bit and I'm not near as negative as I have been lol
    anderson71288 (1:09:33 AM): well looks like im doing a decent job
    StellarChic625 (1:10:03 AM): I'd say you're doing a great job lol
    anderson71288 (1:11:12 AM): well hope so.......what made you randomly ask why i love you........it made me a bit nervous
    StellarChic625 (1:11:23 AM): I was just curious
    StellarChic625 (1:11:32 AM): and I didn't ask why, I asked when you realized it lol
    StellarChic625 (1:11:41 AM): why were you nervous?
    anderson71288 (1:12:34 AM): i thought you were going to be like well i thought about it and maybe we should hold off on it
    anderson71288 (1:12:38 AM): i was scared
    StellarChic625 (1:13:56 AM): aw, well I'm sorry I worried you
    StellarChic625 (1:14:20 AM): I was just curious 'cause you said you had been trying to say it for a week so I didn't know when you actually started feeling it
    anderson71288 (1:15:52 AM): we you afaid i was feeling it to early?
    StellarChic625 (1:16:38 AM): no
    StellarChic625 (1:16:46 AM): I was just curious lol
    StellarChic625 (1:17:14 AM): had you felt it like the first week I wouldn't have thought it was too early, like I've said before, it just varies on the person
    anderson71288 (1:17:45 AM): you loved me back then?
    anderson71288 (1:18:21 AM): cuz i knew i felt different about you from the night with the pills.....i was willing to go throgu
    anderson71288 (1:18:27 AM): through any thing for you
    StellarChic625 (1:18:40 AM): well, not yet, I was just using that as an example
    StellarChic625 (1:19:19 AM): yeah, I felt the same way
    anderson71288 (1:19:51 AM): whoa im confused what?
    StellarChic625 (1:20:03 AM): arg lol
    StellarChic625 (1:20:51 AM): lol I knew the feelings and stuff were stronger when the pill thing happened, but I didn't love you back then, I was using that as an example
    StellarChic625 (1:20:58 AM): sorry, that was confusing lol
    anderson71288 (1:21:06 AM): ic
    anderson71288 (1:21:36 AM): well at least you love me now
    StellarChic625 (1:21:46 AM): did you love me then?
    anderson71288 (1:23:33 AM): it takes alot for me to love a person.......i wouldnt say the first week i loved you i know i cared about you more than anyone else but i still had the whole trust issue thing and stuff
    anderson71288 (1:24:12 AM): so ive always been really afraid to really love a person cuz i was so scared of being hurt
    anderson71288 (1:25:17 AM): but right now the way i love you i know i can really trust you........and that means alot to me
    anderson71288 (1:25:34 AM): trust is number one on my list
    anderson71288 (1:27:13 AM): hello?
    StellarChic625 (1:27:29 AM): sorry!
    anderson71288 (1:27:40 AM): i thought my internet broke again
    StellarChic625 (1:27:51 AM): I'm glad you trust me, and I definitely won't do anything to betray that trust
    StellarChic625 (1:28:16 AM): and I really trust you too which rarely happens for me either
    anderson71288 (1:29:18 AM): well thats good..........i know this is going to be the best relationship were both every going to have...at least that what i wish for every night at 11:11.......
    StellarChic625 (1:30:05 AM):
    StellarChic625 (1:30:31 AM): well, I intend to make it the best, and I know you do too, so there's no reason why it shouldn't be lol
    anderson71288 (1:31:02 AM): i agree
    anderson71288 (1:34:45 AM): i dont know like i said before you ive only really loved lindsey and she fucked me over and i dated alot tryin to find that feeling and i couldnt se i knew i was hurting girls so i stopped dating and 7 months later i decided to date this amazing girl.....and that feeling i've been looking for , for two years is finally back and i really do love you with all my heart and never wanna let you go....cuz i really do love you and it makes me so happy because i know you feel the same way and i finally know all i had to go through is finally worth it just because i can love you.
    StellarChic625 (1:36:25 AM): awww
    StellarChic625 (1:36:32 AM): you're so amazing Derek
    anderson71288 (1:38:38 AM): hey babe its you that makes me feel this way and for some reason explaining how i feel for you is easy because its always on my mind
    StellarChic625 (1:39:08 AM): lol well I've never been good with explaining feelings but I'm definitely trying for you
    StellarChic625 (1:39:42 AM): and I've never been so like happy in love because I've never had someone treat me so good, and I dunno, it's just amazing to finally get to feel like this
    anderson71288 (1:41:20 AM): well you deserve more of it and i try my hardest to treat you how you should be treated and i probally shouldnt say try because it comes easy to treat you good cuz your the most amazing girl i have ever met
    StellarChic625 (1:42:17 AM):
    StellarChic625 (1:42:28 AM): and you're definitely the most amazing guy I've met
    StellarChic625 (1:42:40 AM): lol so I guess we go pretty well together
    anderson71288 (1:43:02 AM): i dont guess.....i know...lol
    StellarChic625 (1:43:50 AM): lol I feel lame 'cause you always explain things better than I do, and you like put a long sweet explanation and all I can say is "aww" lol
    anderson71288 (1:45:33 AM): well i dont know it just comes easy to me like i said
    anderson71288 (1:46:07 AM): i told you i wanted the most open relationship either of us has had to i openly express my feeling for you
    anderson71288 (1:47:51 AM): even if it is hard to explain our feeling right sometimes
    StellarChic625 (1:48:02 AM): yeah
    StellarChic625 (1:48:08 AM): well, I try to explain things
    StellarChic625 (1:51:02 AM): it just usually comes out all jumbled and retarded sounding
    anderson71288 (1:51:29 AM): well i dont care its the meaning that counts not who it sounds..........
    anderson71288 (1:51:36 AM): by who i mean how
    StellarChic625 (1:52:05 AM): haha
    anderson71288 (1:53:12 AM): well i know the clearest thing that i mean the most i that i love you....and i think that pretty much cover whatever im thinking when it comes to you
    StellarChic625 (1:53:35 AM): yeah
    StellarChic625 (1:53:49 AM): and I love you too
    anderson71288 (1:54:34 AM): that still makes me smile every time you say it.........lol
    StellarChic625 (1:55:42 AM): lol it makes me smile too
    StellarChic625 (1:56:12 AM): I really didn't think you'd say it for a couple more months
    anderson71288 (1:59:13 AM): if you didnt push it i might have waited a couple of months cuz i was so scared it might ruin our relationship
    anderson71288 (1:59:31 AM): but im a little girl when i comes to feeling
    StellarChic625 (2:01:28 AM): lol well I'm glad I pushed it then
    StellarChic625 (2:01:35 AM): and nothing like that would ruin our relationship
    StellarChic625 (2:01:51 AM): I wouldn't be like...gee...he loves me, maybe I should break up with him
    anderson71288 (2:02:46 AM): well i really wanted you to feel the same way so i was scared........
    StellarChic625 (2:03:47 AM): lol well I do, so aren't you glad you said it and didn't worry over it for a few more months?
    anderson71288 (2:03:59 AM): yes i am
    anderson71288 (2:05:10 AM): well if you want the truth i talked to anna about it
    anderson71288 (2:05:30 AM): if she didnt tell you already
    StellarChic625 (2:06:31 AM): lol she told me after I i/med her the morning after I stayed with you like "derek told me he loves me!!!"
    anderson71288 (2:07:01 AM): o well she told me not to say it until later on so i was really scared
    anderson71288 (2:08:24 AM): dont tell her i told you that tho
    StellarChic625 (2:09:17 AM): I won't
    anderson71288 (2:09:40 AM): but you can just imagine how scared i was then
    StellarChic625 (2:09:55 AM): why? 'cause she told you not to say it?
    anderson71288 (2:10:29 AM): ya.......i thought that was some kind of girl hint cuz you girls are confusing
    StellarChic625 (2:11:58 AM): well I hadn't really talked to her recently so I'm sure she just wasn't sure what I felt about it
    anderson71288 (2:12:29 AM): thats what she said
    anderson71288 (2:13:18 AM): so what are you up too?
    StellarChic625 (2:13:29 AM): just sitting here
    anderson71288 (2:15:13 AM): you were just taking a while to answer sorry
    StellarChic625 (2:15:50 AM): sorry, I was telling Anna goodbye and such and trying to find some things out about walgreens accounting center
    anderson71288 (2:16:08 AM): i need to put in an app there
    StellarChic625 (2:16:33 AM): yeah I'm going to when I get back
    StellarChic625 (2:16:43 AM): I need moneys so I can actually pay for a car lol
    anderson71288 (2:17:03 AM): i thought you had to be 18?
    StellarChic625 (2:17:16 AM): nope
    anderson71288 (2:17:25 AM): ic
    StellarChic625 (2:18:07 AM): my friend works there and he's only 17
    anderson71288 (2:18:17 AM): who that?
    StellarChic625 (2:18:27 AM): corbin
    anderson71288 (2:18:33 AM): ic
    anderson71288 (2:19:09 AM): well all i know is i need to find a decent job before i get kicked out of my house
    StellarChic625 (2:20:21 AM): yeah
    StellarChic625 (2:20:25 AM): I'm sure you will
    StellarChic625 (2:20:31 AM): you have good people skills and such
    anderson71288 (2:20:48 AM): i hate people.............lol
    StellarChic625 (2:21:03 AM): yes, but you don't act like it when you're working
    StellarChic625 (2:21:23 AM): you should totally come down here with me next summer lol
    StellarChic625 (2:21:28 AM): sorry, that was random
    anderson71288 (2:22:00 AM): i will for sure
    anderson71288 (2:24:25 AM): i like summer places
    StellarChic625 (2:24:34 AM): yeah lol
    StellarChic625 (2:24:40 AM): and we could swim and be lazy lol
    StellarChic625 (2:24:57 AM): and stay the night with each other without getting in trouble! lol
    anderson71288 (2:25:13 AM): that would be great
    StellarChic625 (2:26:10 AM): yeah and especially since I'll probably be 18 by the time I'd wanna come down next summer so my parents wouldn't really be able to do anything if I wanted to have you come with me as long as it was alright with my sister
    anderson71288 (2:31:52 AM): that would be great
    StellarChic625 (2:33:47 AM): definitely
    anderson71288 (2:41:41 AM): your really quiet now
    StellarChic625 (2:41:54 AM): sorry
    StellarChic625 (2:42:01 AM): just looking for lyrics and such to put in my profile
    StellarChic625 (2:42:07 AM): you're not talking either lol
    anderson71288 (2:44:42 AM): well im not a very talkitive person so you have to talk.......................
    StellarChic625 (2:45:40 AM): >.<
    anderson71288 (2:47:16 AM): well anyway
    anderson71288 (2:47:35 AM): it says you dont have any profile info
    StellarChic625 (2:47:42 AM): I know
    StellarChic625 (2:47:49 AM): I'm not done finding lyrics yet
    StellarChic625 (2:47:52 AM): I can't find many good ones
    anderson71288 (2:48:12 AM): you deleted the whole profile?
    StellarChic625 (2:48:29 AM): no, I just didn't have one here
    anderson71288 (2:48:47 AM): ummm....okay then
    anderson71288 (2:51:28 AM): without you here to wear me out i can stay up forever....lol
    StellarChic625 (2:51:38 AM): haha I bet
    StellarChic625 (2:51:50 AM): I should sleep soon but I'm not that tired
    anderson71288 (2:52:29 AM): its not like you need any beauty sleep cuz im pretty sure the prettiest girl i know already.........
    StellarChic625 (2:52:48 AM): lol thanks
    StellarChic625 (2:54:34 AM): you work tomorrow?
    anderson71288 (2:54:44 AM): yes'm
    StellarChic625 (2:55:11 AM): I thought you didn't work on Sundays now
    anderson71288 (2:56:05 AM): i offered to work since you werent here
    StellarChic625 (2:56:27 AM): ohh ok
    StellarChic625 (2:56:35 AM): do you work every day this week?
    anderson71288 (2:56:44 AM): yes mam
    anderson71288 (2:56:56 AM): 70 hours
    StellarChic625 (2:57:27 AM): geez
    anderson71288 (2:57:39 AM): i have no reason not to work
    anderson71288 (2:59:37 AM): tryin to get all the hours i can get in and im not missin out on seeing you
    StellarChic625 (3:00:14 AM): true
    anderson71288 (3:01:47 AM): yep so i should be filling out apps. right now but im lazy
    StellarChic625 (3:03:59 AM): well, just don't put it off for too long
    anderson71288 (3:04:30 AM): i wont but i think 2:04 in the morning isnt good app. time
    StellarChic625 (3:04:48 AM): probably not lol
    StellarChic625 (3:05:59 AM): I love you
    StellarChic625 (3:06:04 AM):
    anderson71288 (3:06:11 AM): I love you too baby
    anderson71288 (3:06:27 AM):
    StellarChic625 (3:11:23 AM): so, apparently my dad is thinking of selling me the dodge when I get a little bit more money saved
    anderson71288 (3:11:37 AM): that sounds sweet
    anderson71288 (3:14:33 AM): well babe i think im going to attempt to get ready for bed
    anderson71288 (3:14:45 AM): i love you and i will talk to you tommorow night
    StellarChic625 (3:15:49 AM): alrighty
    StellarChic625 (3:16:01 AM): have a good day tomorrow, I love you too, goodnight!
    anderson71288 (3:17:01 AM): night
    Wednesday, July 19th, 2006
    1:39 pm
    Hey, will you stay awhile?
    My smile will not m i s l e a d you
    Because I've been ----> alone
    And my faith turned to stone
    Still there's something [ in you ]
    { That I believe in }


    Heaven is not a place that you go when you die
    It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive


    If you'd just let me
    [ in ]
    I wouldn't let you
    b r e a k
    d
    o
    w
    n

    It's not always so easy
    And sometimes life can be d e c e i v i n g
    But I will tell you one thing:
    It's always better when we're [ together ]

    I won't give up on you
    You know that's what I'm saying
    Tell me you know it's true
    Thank you for always staying

    Just some words of advice
    Maybe you've heard them before but here goes
    Just be true to yourself if it lands you in hell, well, at least now you know
    Loud and clear is your heart big and bright are the places you might someday go
    With one million things holding you down, why you're one of those things
    I don't know, no big deal here I go

    But if my silence made you leave
    Then that would be my worst mistake
    So I will share this room with you
    And you can have this heart to break

    Cory: we can frolic hand and hand in the land of racism
    Sunday, July 16th, 2006
    11:07 am
    She smiled in a big way, the way a girl
    like that smiles when the world is hers
    and she held your eyes out in the
    breezeway down by the shore
    in the lazy summer
    And she pulled you in, and she bit your lip,
    and she made you hers.
    She looked deep into you as you lay
    together quiet in
    the grasp of dusk and summer.
    And she combed your hair, and she kissed
    your teeth and she made you better
    than you'd been before
    She told you bad things you wished
    you could change in the lazy summer
    And she told you, laughing down to
    her core, so she would not cry as
    she lay in your lap.
    She said "nobody here can live forever,
    quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer".
    She said, "no one is alone
    the way you are alone"
    And you held her looser than you would
    have if you ever could have known
    Some things tie your life together,
    slender threads and things to treasure
    Days like that should last and last and last
    2:15 am
    you broke up with me, you still love me
    01. only one x yellowcard. *
    02. ex factor x lauryn hill.
    03. just enough to love you x bayside.
    04. when all is said and done x trapt.
    05. i guess you get used to somebody x tim mcgraw.
    06. let's be us again x lonestar.
    07. my eyes burn x matchbook romance. *
    08. over x lindsay lohan.
    09. lost in you x sugarcult.
    10. until i met you x mest.
    11. are you happy now? x michelle branch.
    12. goodbye to you x michelle branch.
    13. breathe x michelle branch. *
    14. last chance to lose your keys x brand new.
    15. cry x faith hill. *
    16. unsaveable x faith hill.
    17. the pros and cons of breathing x fall out boy.
    18. chicago is so two years ago x fall out boy. *
    Saturday, July 15th, 2006
    12:29 am
    drugs [general]
    01. brain stew x green day. *
    02. drugs or me x jimmy eat world.
    03. bottom of a bottle x smile empty soul.
    04. the drugs don't work x the verve.
    05. a line allows progress, a circle does not x bright eyes.
    06. drug stabbing time x the clash.
    07. the dope show x marilyn manson.
    08. comfortably numb x pink floyd. *
    09. what i got x sublime. *
    10. lover i don't have to love x bright eyes. *
    11. i don't like the drugs (but the drugs like me) x marilyn manson.
    12. junkie slip x the clash.
    13. julie's in the drug squad x the clash.
    14. sex and drugs and rock 'n roll x ian dury and the blockheads.
    15. the pharmacist x hot rod circuit. *
    16. how to be dead x snow patrol. *
    17. charlie the russian x washington social club.

    ecstasy
    01. set u free x planet soul.
    02. pipebomb on lansdowne (dance remix) x dropkick murphys. *
    03. canada has better heroin x nofx. *
    04. gloria x vendetta red.
    05. white trash anthem x blood for blood.
    06. scarlet begonias x grateful dead / sublime. *
    07. ecstasy x bone thugz n harmony.
    08. these drugs x d12. *
    09. the kids x eminem.
    18. my girlfriend's on drugs x big d and the kid's table.
    19. sydney x halifax.
    20. drugs x giant drag.


    marijuana/weed
    1. let's get blown x snoop dogg & pharrell.
    2. because i got high x afroman.
    3. stay fly x three 6 mafia.
    4. colt 45 x afroman.
    5. rest of my life x kottonmouth kings.
    6. last dance with mary jane x tom petty.
    7. purple haze x jimi hendrix.
    8. roll another joint x tom petty.
    9. holiday from real x jack's mannequin. *
    10. snoop dog - smoke weed everyday x snoop dogg.
    11. mary jane x alanis morissette.
    12. smoke 2 joints x bob marley / sublime.
    13. if music could talk x the clash. *
    14. are you high? x washington social club.
    15. legalize it x peter tosh.
    16. dope sick girl x rancid.
    17. canada has better heroin x nofx. *
    18. you don't know how it feels x tom petty. *
    19. burn one down x ben harper.
    20. hits from the bong x cypress hill.
    21. ganja babe x michael franti and spearhead.

    heroin
    01. hurt x nine inch nails.
    02. the white lady loves you more x elliott smith.
    03. cindy's on methadone x screeching weasel.
    04. herion x velet underground.
    05. we were on herion x wasted youth.
    06. herion face x the cure.
    07. needle and the spoon x lynyrd skynyrd.
    08. coral fang x the distillers.
    09. canada has better heroin x nofx. *
    10. scarlet begonias x grateful dead / sublime. *


    pills
    1. nails for breakfast, tacks for snacks x panic! at the disco. *
    2. hard act to follow x grinspoon.
    3. paternal reversal x bayside. *
    4. recovering x boysnightout.
    5. decoration x the early november. *
    6. bitter pill x annie lennox.
    7. van buren x spitalfield. *
    8. emotion sickness x silverchair.
    9. resolution x motion city soundtrack. *
    10. poison x my american heart.
    11. i changed my name x sugarcult *
    12. coma white x marilyn manson.
    13. return to me x matthew ryan. *
    14. this bitter pill x dashboard confessional.
    15. i know you heard me x kind of like spitting. *
    16. another pill x cold.
    17. pretty people never lie, vampires really never die x i am ghost. *
    18. modern chemistry x motion city soundtrack.
    19. make yourself at home x the starting line. *
    20. bleed american x jimmy eat world.
    21. dead to the world x jamisonparker. *
    22. sleeping pills x her space holiday.
    23. emergency room romantic x jamisonparker. *
    24. there is x box car racer. *
    25. perfect grave x social code.
    26. sophomore slump or comeback of the year x fall out boy. *
    27. just like a pill x pink.
    28. helping hands x the forecast. *
    29. sleeping pills x the (international) noise conspiracy.
    30. decmber x lydia. *
    31. white rabbit x jefferson airplane.
    32. the hair-trigger flamenco x trophy scars. *
    33. purple pills x d12.
    34. goodbye to boston x smoke on fire. *
    35. pain x jimmy eat world.
    36. dear everybody (my so-called life) x jamisonparker. *
    37. save me x shinedown.
    38. you learn x alanis morissette.


    rain one-liners pt.1


    i'm only happy when it rains. [only happy when it rains x garbage.]

    you are the smell before rain, you are the blood in my veins. [the boy who blocked his own shot x brand new.]

    blame it on the rain that was falling, falling. blame it on the stars that didn't shine that night. whatever you do, don't put the blame on you - blame it on the rain. [blame it on the rain x milli vanilli.]

    why can't it be like it was? the rain falls, the summer ends. why can't it be like it was? you always said you'd never go away. [sincerely, me x better than ezra.]

    soon the rain starts to fall, can't see anything at all. cruel that you wrote this stuff into the night. this rain hits my face as i cry. [bonus track x greeley estates.]

    a box of rain will ease the pain and love can see you through. just a box of rain, wind and water. believe it if you need it, if you don't just pass it on. [box of rain x grateful dead.]

    standing in the rain, milkcarton mugshot baby, missing since 1983. standing in the rain, 20 years of dirty needles, raindrops running through my veins. [standing in the rain x billy talent.]

    i still don't want to play your game. you said the thrill has been lost and can't be regained. you said you rather watch the rain than think of me cuz it makes you feel so free. [seven eighty x this day & age.]

    you appear like raindrops and live like you sink through the streets that you fall on. [raindrops x armor for sleep.]

    i'll drown in the rainfall and float til i find you. [raindrops x armor for sleep.]

    the drops of rain, they fall all over. [down x blink 182.]

    she makes me feel like it's raining outside, and when the storm's gone i'm all torn up inside. [story of a lonely guy x blink 182.]

    nothing works the same or takes the blame or wins the game with your head in your hands in the pouring rain. i wanna see you as you are, like a lonely star. [different but the same x ben kweller.]

    all i can say is that my life is pretty plain. i like watching the puddles gather rain. [no rain x blind melon.]

    drag me out into the cold rain. let it hover over me. [night drive x jimmy eat world.]

    i rock a raincoat despite the pleasant weather. [everyday's forecast x gym class heroes.]

    today's forecast: partly cloudy with a good chance of rain. [everybody's forecast x gym class heroes.]

    some days, like rain on the doorstep, she'll cover me with grace in all she offers. [fever dream x iron & wine.]

    i'm gonna send a little rain to pour down on you - rain that makes the flowers bloom. rain to leave you all alone, that keeps eyelashes falling and wishes washed away. [kill the messenger x jack's mannequin.]

    you waited for me in the rain in the parking lot - cold hands, lips blue, clothes stuck to you. you could have phoned me for a ride, it's a mess out there. you said, "the rain's the rain. some air'd be good for you." [you can breathe x jack's mannequin.]

    sooner or later this winter will rain down and leave for me to wait one year. i'll be there, i promise. [come winter x daphne loves derby.]

    so long my friend, don't say goodbye. just give me one last kiss beneath this glowing sky. we'll go walking through the park & hang out in the rain. [hello and goodbye x the ataris.]

    it's like lighting candles in the rain; sometimes life can be a pain, but don't give up without a fight. [life makes no sense x the ataris.]

    these relics of remembrance are just like shipwrecks, only they're gone faster than the smell after it rains. [so long, astoria x the ataris.]

    sunday morning, rain is falling. steal some covers, share some skin. [sunday morning x maroon 5.]

    so if the sun does shine or the rain does fall, i give thanks i've had my sight to see through it all. [pleasure and pain x ben harper.]

    i hope it rains there all the time. and if you ever said you miss me, then don't say you never lied. [jude law and a semester abroad x brand new.]

    so pull me under your weather patterns, cold fronts, and the rain don't matter, 'cause a sunburn's what i needed. [hurricane x something corporate.]


    stop the rain from falling, keep my ocean calm. this time i know nothing's wrong. [hurricane x something corporate.]

    and you're in pieces as your world becomes a rainstorm. you've got no shelter, i'm a thousand miles away. [break myself x something corporate.]

    and dreams came around you in a hazy rain. you opened your mouth wide to feel them fall. [globes and maps x something corporate.]

    atlanta started raining on me, and teenage love was underground. [she paints me blue x something corporate.]

    i will stay here in these dead plans and try to make a seed grow. and i would pray for rain if i thought that that would help. [a few minutes on friday x bright eyes.]

    the rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. there was a loophole in my dreaming, so i got out of it. [bowl of oranges x bright eyes.]

    your eyes must do some raining if you're ever going to grow. [bowl of oranges x bright eyes.]

    i went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed. [first day of my life x bright eyes.]

    tomorrow, i know, will be rainy at best. and the forecast, i know, is that i'll be depressed, but i'll wait outside, hoping that i'll catch sight of the sun. [high of 75 x relient k.]

    you are the rain on the fire, deep in the trees when no one was looking. [momentum x the hush sound.]

    it must have rained all through the night, the tires just couldn't grip right. [hourglass x the hush sound.]

    there are no raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses. [build god, then we'll talk x panic! at the disco.]

    you get me out of the rain, you get me out of my clothes. [checkmarks x the academy is...]

    the rain just won't stop pouring since the day he put the moves on you. [mack daddy x say anything.]

    and if the rain should fall for sure with you i'll be and crazy is the forecast all week. [the forecast x jason mraz.]

    you took your coat off, and stood in the rain. you were always crazy like that. [foolish games x jewel.]
    Wednesday, May 31st, 2006
    5:35 pm
    I hope to God I mean a little more then the sounds that escape your tired 4 A.M. lips
    And oh-how I wish I meant a little more then a symphony of heavy breathing and the friction of hips-Spill Canvas "Himerus and Eros


    But when I say let's keep in touch,
    I really mean I wish that you'd grow up. -Brand New "Mix Tape"
    Monday, May 22nd, 2006
    5:12 pm
    Where is passion when you need it most?

    Someone old
    No one new
    Feeling borrowed
    Always blue
    Someone old
    No one new
    Always borrowed
    Always you

    Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else
    Somebody who gave a damn, somebody more like myself
    These foolish games are tearing me apart

    Please dont say I love you
    those words touch me much too deeply
    and they make my core tremble
    dont think you realize the effect you have over me
    and please dont look at me like that
    it just makes me want to make you near me
    always..
    your hands are in my hair but my heart is in your teeth baby

    goodness knows i saw it coming,
    or at least i'll claim i did,
    but in truth, i'm lost for words.
    what have i done?
    ...a simple mistake starts the hardest time

    Don't let me fall I'll break,
    what a mess I'd make.
    Pathetic pieces on your floor,
    will cut your feet forever more.
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