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Wednesday, September 8th, 2004
10:52 pm
Today was a pretty good day. I didnt end up leaving till like 11 something but its all good. :o) First, we went to the dollar store and got applications for there, then we headed to Tedeschi's for lunch. Yumm. :o) I got a sandwich. heheh. It was yummy! :oP Then we filled out the Dollar store applications before the food arrived. That was fun. By the time we were done eating, our applications were pretty much filled out. I really hope that I can get a job, I want to be able to support Kevin, it's my job as his girlfriend..
I ended up getting 7 applications today.. omg.. so many jobs!! lol. We shall see what happens. :o)
I talked to Kevin tonight. Sometimes he depresses me, and Im pretty sure he doesnt know it. :o\ I don't really like hearing about what would happen when his ex's and him had sex. I mean, I know what I wanted to know, but I dont want to know about the little details. I feel like thats something special that we should just share, and it's kind of awkward to hear him talking so freely about it with people. :o\ Idk.. Like Katie told me the other day she asked when he knew that I.. uugh.. nvmd.. it was just something gross that I REALLY didn't want my friend to know. I mean, if she had seen the marks, she would have known, Idk, I'm probably just being retarded. I don't know if I should approach him on the situation or not though!! I don't want him to feel lke it's something that should be kept a secret, but I feel that certain aspects of the relationship should only be shared between the two of us.. :o\ I think I'm starting to repeat myself, so I'm going to go, and hope to hear form Kevin sometime soon..

I love you.

current mood: confused
current music: "Wake Me Up" --> Evanescence

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Thursday, August 12th, 2004
8:34 pm - Kevin.. :)
Kevin.. awwwww.. I love him so much :) He's the best in the world!! He came over the other day, and spent the night with me :) It was soooo cool sleeping with someone again.. though he woke me up SUPER EARLY!!! lol.. I love yah babe :)
Right now, I'm hangin' out with Sned, Chris, and Katie. We're watchin' the Johnson Family Reunion. It's kinda funny.. but I wish that Kevin was here to watch it with me :-[
Wednesday fireworks :-D Katie and Jamie, me and Kevin :) I'm sooo excited! I love spending time with my baby..
I have to go for now.. but I LOVE KEVIN!!! LOL :-*

current mood: loved

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Saturday, August 7th, 2004
11:52 pm - My how fast life can change..
OH. MY. GOD. Rich and I are finally over, and that's awesome because now I can be more true to Kevin and mean everything that I say to him. :o) Well, let's start with the events of last night... starting at midnight! :o)
Ray came over. Ray's the greatest :o) We hung out for a while and then watched EuroTrip, because Ray's never seen it!! Everyone like fell asleep during it. :oP I think Ray did, too! :oP Then when I was walking Ray out to his car, I managed to get a hug. It felt so nice getting a hug, again!! lol.. I remember him saying "I'm just gunna stand here a couple minutes, because your comfortable." So awesome. :o) I was glad that I had someone else to hug. It feels like weird if Katie hugs me all the time.. lol. But that was an awesome start to the day! :o)
Kevin came over today!! :o) :o) I'm sooooo happy!!! He's one of the best men that I've EVER met, like omg. LOL. I think things are going to go well between us... ;o)
Well, Kevie's gunna call now :o) So I'll write more latah ;o)

current mood: giddy

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11:52 pm - My how fast life can change..
OH. MY. GOD. Rich and I are finally over, and that's awesome because now I can be more true to Kevin and mean everything that I say to him. :o) Well, let's start with the events of last night... starting at midnight! :o)
Ray came over. Ray's the greatest :o) We hung out for a while and then watched EuroTrip, because Ray's never seen it!! Everyone like fell asleep during it. :oP I think Ray did, too! :oP Then when I was walking Ray out to his car, I managed to get a hug. It felt so nice getting a hug, again!! lol.. I remember him saying "I'm just gunna stand here a couple minutes, because your comfortable." So awesome. :o) I was glad that I had someone else to hug. It feels like weird if Katie hugs me all the time.. lol. But that was an awesome start to the day! :o)
Kevin came over today!! :o) :o) I'm sooooo happy!!! He's one of the best men that I've EVER met, like omg. LOL. I think things are going to go well between us... ;o)
Well, Kevie's gunna call now :o) So I'll write more latah ;o)

current mood: giddy

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Friday, August 6th, 2004
4:21 pm - hmmmm...
Again, it's been a while since I've wrote here. So let's see.. where to begin..
Well, last Friday, I went on a date. I know, I know. I've been dating since I was 15 years old, but that was my first date. It was awesome. I went out with Chris Piland. He's such a sweetie. :o) First, we went to see the movie "The Village". OH. MY. GOD. Do NOT waste your money. LOL. After the movie, we went to dinner at Denny's, which was nice :o) LOL.. I picked on the way he ate sooooo badly :oP After dinner, we went back to his house, to grab the basketball, and headed to a park! How cool is that?! LOL.. I'm such a dork :oP We messed around there for a while, and sat on the swings and I got his whole life story :oP LOL.. that was interesting.. Then we headed over to the basketball courts, and played "Around The World".. omg.. fun game, but I totally got my ass kicked. LOL. I was only on like, the second block or something, and he had gone all the way around the court.. LOL. "Nothing but net!" "REALLY?!" "Yeah, that's all it hit" hahahahahah.. good times. After that, we drove around for a bit, and headed back to his house. He showed me some of his games and such and then put in the BEST dvd ever! (Aqua Teen Hunger Force) :oP I was sitting on his bed, and he was on the floor, but I feel asleep!! I couldn't believe it. I felt horrible, and kind of embarrassed.. LOL. Well, then the trouble started.. my brother was missing in action, and they were supposed to bring me home that night. Turns out, my TOTALLY AWESOME friend, Lee, came and picked me up at 4am.. what a sweetie. :o) *I'll hug you next time for it.. LOL*
So that was about the newest info.. cept fooooooooor.... KEVIN!! yay!! Kevin makes me happy!! :o) He's like the best guy that I've ever met!!! I can't wait to be with him. I hope so bad that we can build something from this. Move over Rich, your about to be kicked out of my memory.. :o) (at least we can still be friends)
Oh.. speaking of Rich :o\ I haven't heard from him in a long time. I'm concerned.. but I don't want to invade his privacy.. and such. I mean, we are supposed to be "friends". Why does it hurt so badly?? I mean.. the other day, my brother confronted me, and asked me "Dude, what the hell, just get the fuck over him". Well, it's not that easy. Because he's the first guy that I've actually loved. With all of my heart. And now I have to live with this.. One night while we were laying in his bed talking, I told him that I loved him so much, and asked him to never break up with me. Well, he didn't. He kept his promise. But I broke it. And now, there's like no way to get him back. I'm afriad of getting another boyfriend, because I know that I still love Rich with all my heart.. and it's going to take a while to get used to someone else.. and I don't think another guy should need to listen to me bitching about an ex.. that I still love.. I hope that Kevin is my ticket out of this heart break.. I swear I'd never hurt him... :o\ Now I'm kinda depressed...

current mood: depressed
current music: Anthem of Our Dying Day.. Story of the Year; Page Ave.

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Friday, July 9th, 2004
2:52 pm
Well, it's been a few days I suppose.. haha. I finally told Josh what I felt for him, I don't think it is going to help any, but at least it's out there. At any rate..
This Damien guys really getting annoying, he refuses to give me my privacy, and that's not cool. oh well..
My brother just threw my cat at me.. lol.. :oP
umm.. unfortunately, Katie's grandfather died.
Tomarrow big party day.. haha yeah right. I'm bringing BBG (I surely hope) to Comptons party as my "boyfriend", Idk who I'm taking to Moscow :o\ I kinda dont want to go.. oh well..
I gtg.. in a hurry..

current mood: blank
current music: How many times?- ICP

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Sunday, July 4th, 2004
3:00 pm - Happy (?) July 4rth..
Well, the events of today are staggering. I cannot understand why my friend, Josh, won't talk to me. I mean, he messaged me.. and told me why, but it doesn't make much sense. And he pretty much refuses to elaborate. I guess that's just the way that my life goes. I mean everytime I show a shred of compassion for someone of the opposite sex.. I end up fucking myself over. I mean what the shit. You were there for me, so many times, and I cannot thank you enough.. but things have just gone crazy with us in the past few weeks.. I don't know what it is. Perhaps I do. Perhaps it's me. It usually seems to be.. so typical. I just wish that I could actively express what's going on in my head to him, so he could understand, and perhaps things would get better between the two of us. :o(
Richard.. :o/ I gave practically everything I had to the relationship, and in the end, ended up fucking myself over. I wish sometimes that I had not given him up, because since that day, nothing good has happened. I lost the trust of my great friend Josh. Katie and I got into a huge arguement, and things were said. My friend Ryan broke his collar bone and 5 ribs. My relatives home burned down. Another friends friend was in a serious car accident, the day after he met me. A kid I know got his ass kicked downtown and was life-flighted away, while another aquantance of mine was taken to jail for doing it. And the list goes on and on and on. It's rediculous.. how could my life, which seemed soooooo perfect when I was with Rich, be this disasterous now? I don't know what to do.. I feel like I'm loosing all my barrings.
I met a nice guy the other day. Well, he came over to my house for a bit, unfortunately, me being as boring as you all know I am, all we did was watch Road Trip. I felt bad, because I was being so lazy and selfish.. I should have asked what he wanted to do. He's nice.. and I will admit very attractive. I just am so afraid to fall into something deeper with him. I care a lot for him, and I just don't want to end up hurting anyone else. Hmm.. Ray.. :o/
Last night I met someone I like a lot. He's so funny, and very caring and all that happy horse shit. His name is Jason :o) (and NOT the stalker one). He's 22, and we all know how I like the older men.. haha.. well.. hopefully he'll come pay me a visit tomarrow, err something. I could use the company :o/

current mood: confused
current music: House of Horrors... Insane Clown Posse

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Monday, April 12th, 2004
9:24 pm - Update..
Well... it's been a bit since I took time out to write in this silly thing :oP
I've been so tired lately, I'm not sure why, but whatever. Unimportant, such as everything else, at least in my little world.
First of all, Chris and I broke up, yupp, it's over. Doesn't surprise me anyways. Don't ask why, just didn't really see anything for the relationship, I guess. That was a week ago, or something. As of now, Im trying to find another boyfriend, but I'm not going back to Jason, so if your reading this, FUCK OFF! >:o
I met some really nice guys the other day, Chad, and Rich. Chad doesn't really talk to me much anymore, but oh well. Rich came over and hung out with me on Easter, that was fun.
I'm talking to Sean right now and sending him weird photos on my computer. Good times, good times.
I feel so sick.. lol.. too much mountain dew and subs from Pump and Pantry, mmm.. that name explains it all.. lol.. well I have to get back to sending Sean funny photos... write more later, or something :o)

current mood: sick

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Saturday, April 3rd, 2004
6:08 pm - Bad Day...
Today I have officially declared that my life sucks! :o( Idk where to begin. I call my boyfriend and he seems mad at me for something, and then like he tells me that he can't talk to me right then, he never can :o(, because he was cleaning and then he needed a shower then he was going to bowling... Idk.. more than lilkely, I'm over reacting... but idk what to do.. this is where I need someone to help me with my problems!! I'm so tired of helping everyone else and taking blows for them so they can get something from it all... someone has to give back!! I mean it's only fair!! And Idk what to do.. :o'(
Well.. I am going to go pretend to be happy.. and glue my smile back on, so the world can't see any of the hurt that lies deep within my soul...

current mood: crushed
current music: Darkness... Disturbed

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Saturday, March 27th, 2004
9:28 pm - Great Night...
So far it's been a great weekend.. I'm spending my time at the Emerson's this weekend (family friend) and babysitting there kid, Sian. We have fun. lol.
I need to stop smoking.. I smoked like 10 cigarettes today.. I thought that I was on the road to quittting.. apparently I can't do it myself.. though buying that carton of Marbs didn't help the situation any... :o\
I miss Chrish. He brought me here yesterday.. only because he's the BEST boyfriend! :o) I heart him so much...
Well, this is funny...
Gizmolog42069: nah, my mom had me run to the store for her for some milk lol
QUACK head 4 20: LOL
QUACK head 4 20: alright
QUACK head 4 20: I was wondering if you fell in :-P
lmao... goodtimes :oP

I tell ya... life is looking SO great right about now! :o)

current mood: energetic

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Thursday, March 25th, 2004
5:05 pm - Never think too much...
Have you ever actually sat and thought about how much harm that thinking can cause? Well, it can ruin everything. Take me, for example, I think a lot. And that's probably why I seem to be so depressed all the time, and probably why life seems so pointless.
Today I wrote a theory on time. It passes so quickly, and touches so many....
I don't need to think about that work of art again...
Today, sucked. I hate walking into class everyday and doing the same old things, over and over again. Dealing with the same bitches and assholes every. single. day. :o(
Life sucks...
Well, someone insinuated that I was stupid today... because I enjoy drinking.. well.. I don't really care, just thought that I would bring it up because it was something that happened in this waste of air.
Why must I be so pessamistic all the time (idk how to spell it, I just know that I am)? Is life REALLY as bad as I seem to think? I may never know, but oh well. I need to find some closure...

current mood: pessimistic
current music: Darkness and Hope... MoonSpell

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Wednesday, March 24th, 2004
8:17 pm - I love Christopher :o)
Well, today went slow. I couldn't wait for it to end. Har Har Har. I got to talk to Chris after work today before he went to play bowling. :o) I hope that he does well. I really care a lot (lol I learned the correct spelling of the from JOHN.. la de da) about him. I can't wait until this weekend.. it's so awesome to think that I get to spend another day with *|CHRIS|* :o)
ROWING is starting back up and we worked out in the gym today. I need to get my back into shape. It kills so much, and I just wish that it would stop.
I'm feeling so freaken mushy right now, it's kind of sick... lol. I cant wait until I get a car that I can take my drivers test in, then I can drive to his work (if he's still working there :o) ) and visit him. Yay! He makes me soooooooo happy, like I cannot explain it. He's a little odd around the edges, but hay, who isnt? And it's what makes him, him. And it makes him the man that I love, or heart.. no love yet. I'm not in any hurry though. I want it to be real when and if it happens :o) God, he's so perfect! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

current mood: loved
current music: My Immortal... Evanescence

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Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004
7:47 pm
Well now. This is a rather interesting situation. Everyone can read whatever I write in here! :o) ..Better not say anything too bad about someone >=)
ANYWAYS :o)
I'm not completly sure what my motive behind creating this was, I think it was an action that was taken to solve bordem. lol. So yeah, let's get started... :o)
I woke up this morning, and hardly wanted to move. haha. Bounced in the shower and slept for another half hour. I'm so lazy :-p Off to school I go. My best friend Katie is in North Carolina for the week, not cool. Her reason is disclosed, but I will keep praying for her. :o) Technical Writing was boring, as usual. We took a test, and had to write all sorts of descriptions, yee haw. I tell you. Nothing better than writing about things you don't care about! :o) ANYWAYS! Two study halls, good times, good times. Then, I found out that my ex boyfriend has another girlfriend. I don't know why it bothers me, Chris is awesome, but for whatever reason it disturbed me a bit. I was sad after that, but talked to Chris and the worlds OK now. :o) My chair won't stop creeking... Never eat lunch to begin with, so another period in the computer lab. Business Math, I spent that class in the middle office chatting it up with Florence. har har har. I hate Mr. Sumpter. Algebra One in Review, for college, Mrs. Grahams last day.. YES. I have bee waiting for this pregnant bitch to pop so I can get her outta my site and work over the subs. On the bad side, Mrs Parks is in for the week. Thats alright :o) she loves me.. loves to write me up. FREAKEN ho. I got out of Mrs. Ross' Economics class.. thank goodness. FBLA "meeting" in the choir room. I knew that joining clubs were a good thing. lol. The Spanish, boring as FUCK. Mrs. Maston was in for Belucci and damn she just talks and talks and talks. She doesn't understand much english so her language is kinda misconstrued. lol. Good times. Came home, sat on my ass for a while, then.. low and behold! ROWING! Time to workout and get in shape for the boats... I love rowing.. well.. that brings me to this point in my sorry night. Detention tomarrow.. yeehaw.. GOTTA love school...
*|ToOdLeS|*

current mood: tired
current music: Cure My Tradgety (A letter to God)... Cold

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