 |
Journal | Friends | Calendar | User Info | Memories |
Taylor's Journal
Alternate title: Beating a Dead Horse.
How many times did we have it beat into us this episode that Sara's dad disapproves of what she's doing? Or that Mercedes has lupus? Or that April isn't fully Japanese, she's only HALF white and HALF Japanese, so LEAVE ME ALONE, OK? But I digress.
This week, the models did an underwater photo shoot for what I suspect is a fictious brand of bottled water, "Queénch Bottled Water." It's... interesting, to say the least. Commencing with the jot notes:
· Was I the only one frightened by the guy with the dog? In fact, I was so freaked out, that I forgot to get his name in my meticulous note taking. I hope he doesn't haunt me now. :(
· Camille reading her attribute list... priceless. Picture it.
CAMILLE: Hardheaded. Stubborn. Ruthless. Tactless shrew. Worthless cunt- hey, those weren't on the list!
XIOMARA: Oops, my bad.
· Second most priceless- the look on Janice's face when Catie revealed that she was a virgin. Oh, well. Every reality show needs one, it seems. From Alima, to Shannon, to Christine. Sunrise, sunset, sunslept with some guy at the Sizzler. Let's move on, shall we?
· Camille needs to learn to keep her mouth shut- as if this were new news. Her remark about Janice being "the bitch" totally killed her during the interviews.
· Final note, I think, on the interviews. Janice unwittingly reveals to the group that Mercedes has lupus, and Mercedes has this look on her face, like, "Aw, shit. Now ya gone and done it, Janice." Priceless.
· April is only half Asian, OK? HALF ASIAN! And while we're at it, her father does indeed look like Art Garfunkel.
· I have to wonder what the point of the fish in the tank was, since they didn't show up in anyone's pictures.
· Camille was doing the Vogue underwater. She is now my idol.
· This is more on last week with the celebrity photo shoots- every season has one particular shoot where no one has an extremely bad photo. That was this year's. Even Catie's God-awful Marilyn Monroe picture doesn't look that bad after a second look. If you're curious, last season's do-no-wrong photo shoot was the extreme beauty shoot, with the snakes and funky make up.
· Where was Yoanna this week? I guess she sort of blended in. On the bright side, we got to see those cool dreamcatcher earrings again.
· I take it back- Yoanna did a have a small moment, only noticeable to a trained eye such as mine. When the psychic (Suzannah Gallard) brought up Shandi's relationship with her parents, Shandi began to cry. The girls all chimed in with "We love you." Now, Yoanna was in the unfortunate position of being the one sitting right next to our favourite Walgreen's clerk at the time. So, for about five minutes, she's bobbing in and out of Shandi's personal space, thinking, "So, do I hug her, or what?" Thankfully, J. Alexander averted the crisis in time.
· Catie didn't cry all episode, did she? It's very refreshing.
· When Mrs. Tyra was yammering on about the modelling industry, Mrs. Sara and Mrs. Mercedes must have been bored out of their minds. "I'm only here to see my daughter! Retract the sermon! Retract the sermon!" By the way, this week's alternate alternate title: "The Hyphenated Heroines Take New York."
So, here's what happened this week inside the Flatotel (I don't know if it's called that this year, but it was in season one, and that's what I've grown accustomed to calling it):
April: OK, OK. We believe you're not fully Asian. Put down the gun. If we've learned anything, it's that Miz Tyra doesn't like it when people reject their culture. Take a lesson from Miss "Purring to Be Persian" Sara and suck it up. Maybe she feels that being Asian will give her less of a chance. It'll just annoy Tyra. Remember when Xiomara was hesitant to become Grace Jones? Look where that ended her up. April's shot is the crowning jewel of this week's underwater shots; an example of poetry in motion, and definitely this week's Best Photo. Still, April goes into next episode as my pick to be eliminated for her inability to display the emotion that Tyra and the judges are looking for.
April Wilkner's Underwater Ad For Queénch Bottled Water
Camille: My new nickname for Camille is the Jamaican Train Wreck. No matter what she does, she always comes off looking like a total bitch. And by this point, I'm beginning to suspect that the other girls might not like Camille very much. No, really. It just occured to me. I swear. OK, bullshit aside, Camille had yet another bad week. Looking through Camille's portfolio, I can't find a single standout picture of hers. This is also true of one of the other models, whom I'll discuss later. Camille's underwater photo looks like something pulled out of the Moulin Rouge Catalogue for Tacky Tramps. Not a flattering look.
Camille McDonald's Underwater Ad For Queénch Bottled Water
Catie: This week, I issue the Catie Challenge. I defy anyone to find one of Catie's photos that doesn't look like a waterlogged corpse from the end of the movie Titanic. Go ahead, I'll wait... ... ... Couldn't find one, could ya? Didn't think so. Yes, Catie is the master of little to no facial expression. This week is worse than the others with her underwater shot adding a whole new dimension. Dig the pose, though. Groovy.
Catie Anderson's Underwater Ad For Queénch Bottled Water
Mercedes: So, the bomb dropped that you have lupus, eh? It was bound to come out eventually, and now the judges won't think she's just giving up or copping a bad attitude. For my part, I think that Mercedes' only flaw is her consistence- in that she isn't. There are photos like her Eve shot and her Billie Holiday shot that absolutely blow me away, and then there are others like her Laundry photo and this week's disaster that make me think otherwise. Her "drag queen chic" this week is probably the ugliest photo I've seen on America's Next Top Model in either season, including eventual winner Adrianne Curry's anorexic and sadistic Stuff Magazine swimsuit shoot and Robin Manning's lingerie shoot in which she looks ready to go for the male model's jugular. But again, I digress. This awful photo (which looks a bit like my Aunt Conchita if she were drowned) won't hamper Mercedes' chances, though. She's still our winner.
Mercedes Scelba-Shorte's Underwater Ad For Queénch Bottled Water
Sara: What the- you were in the episode this week! Mazel tov! The Curse of the Invisible Woman is lifted! Hold your head up high. Now, if Mercedes' problem is consistence, then you've got it made. You're the most consistantly amazing model out there. You've yet to take a bad photo (even her Eve shot, which I loathed, was outstanding), and your photos are rarely even average. You always set the bar high. The judges seem to like Sara an awful lot, too. I might be delusional, but I can actually see Miss Sara winning this thing. I'm not ready to put her above Mercedes in my power rankings just yet, though. She'll have to earn that, first.
Sara Racey-Tabrizi's Underwater Ad For Queénch Bottled Water
Shandi: We slice a layer further into the cheesecake that is Shandi Sullivan this episode. This episode gave us the news of her prior incarceration, drug abuse, and family issues. Seems Shandi was the black sheep of her family, but now, she has a new family. Aw. Hugs all around. I'm sure the spirit is dampened by the fact that her best friend Xiomara took the long walk home this week, but anyways. Shandi's given a decent show throughout the program, winning Best Photo honours once. However, she needs to put a little more into her photos. Exhibit A to this theory is this week's photo, which looks more like the pig's blood scene from Carrie than it does a high fashion photo shoot. It's one of the worst of this week's batch, without a doubt. Pick up the slack, Shandi, or you're going to be joining Xiomara.
Shandi Sullivan's Underwater Ad For Queénch Bottled Water
Yoanna: Like I said, this week, you were near invisible. We can only pray that The Curse hasn't shifted from Sara to Yoanna, though it got her pretty far. Now, I earlier a second model who had no standout shots. This is Yoanna. All of her shots are entirely average. Laundry- average. Eve- average. Audrey Hepburn- average. This week gave us the only exception, and not in a good way. I wasn't a loathsome of the "adult ultrasound" concept as Janice was, but then, I'm not a judge. Get noticed, and get noticed fast, is what the doctor prescribes for next week.
Yoanna House's Underwater Ad For Queénch Bottled Water
And, this week's casualty of the runway:
Xiomara: What happened, Xiomara? Well, I'll tell you what happened- I totally nailed my prediction for the second week in a row. But, besides that- well, Xiomara never stood a chance of winning the first place. She either had "crack baby" eyes going on, or churned out subpar pictures. Tyra was quite right in her description that Xiomara had personality to spare, but it just never turned out in film. She needed to put more of herself into her photos, which, sadly, she didn't do. It's sad, too, because Xiomara was one of my favourites- a list, which, right now, includes just about anyone but Camille and Catie.
Goodbye, Xiomara. It's been a pleasant five hours knowing you. Regan. I love your Daddy. I'll always love your Daddy, honey. OK? Burke just comes around here a lot, 'cause, well, he's lonely. Don't got nuttin' to do....
Xiomara Frans' Underwater Ad For Queénch Bottled Water
Best Photo: April Wilkner
Worst Photo: Mercedes Seclba-Shorte
Next week, the models are suspended in the air and do battle, a la Matrix. Plus, Camille gets an allergy before a big kissing scene. It's all so high school! Maybe Catie touched her tomato again...
The power rankings:
1. Mercedes
2. Sara
3. Shandi
4. Yoanna
5. Catie
6. Camille
7. April
Look for the waterworks to fly next episode....