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Taylor's Journal
So, this week brought us the models dolled up like celebrities. Some were glammed up like stars of yore- Marilyn Monroe and Billie Holliday. Others took a more modern bend, like Salma Hayek and Angelina Jolie. And some- well, some were just odd. Commencing with the jot notes:
· Shandi shouldn't wear off the shoulder clothing. She just shouldn't. You could poke an eye out with those neckbones.
· So.... how about Betsey Johnson? ...Yep.
· I found that for all my shitting about hair in the past coupla weeks, this week was really the worst. We were subjected to both Betsey Johnson's scarecrow 'do and Tyra's cornrows in the same episode. Show some compassion, UPN.
· Picking up strong overtones when it come to the editing. In episode three, Nicole and Heather both phoned home crying and were eliminated. In episode four, both Adrianne and Mercedes got sick. Granted, Mercedes didn't just "catch" lupus this episode, but still. Foreshadowing.
· I encourage anyone looking for information on lupus to visit http://www.lupus.org/ .
· The captions that went with the faux magazine covers read "Does she have what it takes to be on 'TOP'?" If Bethany were on one of those covers, I'd spit my pop laughing.
This week's model behaviour:
April: They haven't shown much of you since you screwed up in the first episode. Besides that, you haven't really done anything wrong. In fact, you haven't really done anything at all. Not to worry, though, I still love ya. Congrats on winning the "Toughman Contest" at the gym. Too bad it's not America's Next Top Lumberjack. April was chosen to portray Catherine Zeta-Jones. An odd choice, especially since they bear next to no resemblance. However, the end product is at least prettier than Catherine's Nokia ads. Not digging the eye make-up as much, though. Also, her head looks enormous in this picture. April's pictures are unfortunately getting weaker and weaker- not a good trend.
April Wilkner as Catherine Zeta Jones
Camille: At the beginning of the episode, a friend and I were chatting about how Catie talked back to Simon Doonan when he critiqued her wardrobe, and I said, "Odd. It's usually Camille who sasses back." And, lo and behold, she did just that at the elimination ceremony. Why would you do that? Who goes up to the person who judges their fate and says, "You're wrong when you judge me."? It's just moronic. Anyways, Camille was chosen to portray Diana Ross. And, in a photo that looks eerily like Robin Manning from the first season, she pulls it off. However, I don't like the shot as a whole. It's too average. Once again, Camille's photo is cold and hard. I find it funny that the judges keep telling April to show some emotion when Camille clearly has trouble with the same.
Camille McDonald as Diana Ross
Catie: You cried again, I'm done with you. No more chances- I officially don't like Catie. And the Barney's guy was right, you did look like a ho. Leg warmers? Where the fuck do you think you are, the set of Flashdance? Take your passion and make it happen somewhere else, and get the fuck off my TV screen. Also, your imitations of the other girls. While dead on, I find it interesting that you think you are free to dish out criticism whenever you please, but you can't take it yourself. Catie was chosen to portray Marilyn Monroe, and her photo looks undoubtedly the most fake of the lot. I can't even tell that it's Catie. I think it's this week's worse.
Catie Anderson as Marilyn Monroe
Mercedes: Wow. Just wow. I said that there was always one shot that just blew you away. This week, it's Mercedes'. This photo just gives me the absolute chills. It's totally intrigues me. She's got this intangible sadness in her eyes that is just... wow. This is easily the best photo I've seen thus far in any of the America's Next Top Model shoots. It's absolutely gorgeous. If I forgot to mention, Mercedes was chosen to portray Billie Holliday, although I think she would have done a spectacular Dorothy Dandridge. Since we seem to be going in reverse order, let's chat about Mercedes' behaviour this episode, shall we? I'd like to point out that there is no way that Mercedes will not win. She's strong, determined, likeable, a little bit ghetto, and she has a certain edge to her that is undeniable. She came to a photo shoot when she was at her worst, not unlike Adrianne. Trust me, I see her going all the way.
Mercedes Scelba-Shorte as Billie Holliday
Sara: Agh. Sara. The Invisible Woman. She has done spectacularly each week, this week being no exception, and yet the producers seem to think that they're not allowed to put you on the screen. I know nothing about you. Even Heather had a moment in episode two- she fell on her face during the runway walk. Nothing to be proud of, but something to remember her by. Ahem. Sara was chosen to portray Angelina Jolie. She was lucky in that she didn't get an overly difficult star to portray. Sara does a bang up job with the part, adding a great intensity to the photo that is all her.
Sara Racey-Tabrizi as Angelina Jolie
Shandi: For once, Shandi stayed pleasantly out of the spotlight this week. She won the Betsey Johnson competition (to which I was like, huh?), and chose Xiomara and April to eat out with Adrianne, who wasn't as likeable as I remember her being. Maybe it was the pulled back hair. Hm. Anyway, Shandi was chosen to portray Nicole Kidman. A good idea as a whole, but I don't like the way it turned out compared to, say, Jenascia's or Sara's photos. They have a movement- a curve. Shandi's shot is sort of rigid and still. I'm not liking it, but it's not a detriment. Shandi will still be around for a while.
Shandi Sullivan as Nicole Kidman
Xiomara: Well, she at least got the best quote of the episode. "That BITCH broke my earrings!" It was totally out of nowhere, and made me shit myself laughing. Xiomara, Xiomara, Xiomara. Where do we start with you? This week was certainly a bitchy one for you, and I have to admit, it put me off a bit. Ease up on the Camille hatred; she was actually coming across sympathetically thanks to you. Xiomara was chosen to portray Grace Jones. Which came out absolutely frightening. I mean, jeez. I remember joking about Xiomara being an Amazon queen name in my preshow analysis, but wow. She looks like a freaking Amazon. Nice legs. Bad photo.
Xiomara Frans as Grace Jones
Yoanna: Yoanna is this year's golden girl. The one who does everything right with a Midas touch. Elyse had it, now Yoanna has it. A+ in everything she does. Yoanna enjoyed a nice quiet week out of the spotlight. Although, I do notice that like April, her photos get weaker each episode. Not good, for a show where constant perfection is often necessary. Yoanna was chosen to portray Audrey Hepburn. If you're wondering where this weeks title came from, it's because this picture looks like Yoanna was on a serious meth jag or something when she took it. It's like Audrey Hepburn beamed in from 1954, went to the bathroom, shot up, and then came out and took a photo. She's got Xiomara-eyes happening. Otherwise, good photo. Still without being rigid like Shandi's. B-.
Yoanna House as Audrey Hepburn
And, this week's discontinued model:
Jenascia: What went wrong? Well, first off, I totally called this one. Go back and look. Jenascia is right at the bottom of the list. Which means GONE. Heh heh. So, you couldn't get past "the short thing", eh? I guess Janice just kind of had it out for you. The bitch. Jenascia was chosen to portray Salma Hayek in what I think was an outstanding final photo. I think it was a mistake for the judges to eliminate anyone but Catie or Xiomara, whom I feel are the two weakest of the bunch, or Camille, who brings nothing but a bad attitude to the table. Jenascia's photo as Salma was nearly flawless- I'd give it the honours of second best, behind the Amazing Mercedes. It sucks that you have to go, when, unlike homesick Heather and "angelic" Anna, you're actually good at this.
Goodbye, Jenascia. It's been a pleasant four hours knowing you. Keep reaching for the stars- but you might need to get yourself a small stool if you want to actually get them.
Jenascia Chakos as Salma Hayek
Next week, Mercedes pleads the others to step into the loop with her. And, an underwater shoot. Sounds exciting and semi-fetal. My predictions going into next week:
1. Mercedes
2. Shandi
3. Sara
4. Yoanna
5. April
6. Camille
7. Catie
8. Xiomara
Xiomara and Catie, your days are numbered.......