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Taylor's Journal
OK- change o' plans today. Not putting the "stars" at the end this time- because, let's face it, and aren't they all stars in their own way?
All except Heather. Ha ha, you're gone, bitch. Lick my boot.
So, on with the jot notes:
· Congratulations to Richard Nieman, who became the most useless subtitle in ANTM history. We see him wordlessly wander the hall once- BAM! Subtitle. Never to be seen again. Not unlike Amber on Survivor: All-Stars.
· Xiomara, I love you. I really do. But I have so much criticism to heap onto you. What were you doing with the Goth makeup? "I went to school with a lot of goths..." We're talking high fashion, not fifteen year old girl with black nail polish and a tattoo of a dragon on her ass. Get with the program! ;)
· Catie is officially a cunt-faced whore in my eyes. What the hell was that that you pulled at the elimination? Xiomara was nice enough not to totally abandon Catie (like the girls did with Jenascia on day two) and points out rather correctly that Jay Manuel was too busy comforting Catie to direct Xiomara in her photo shoot, and Catie has the nerve, nay, the unmitigated GALL, to say pull an attitude and practically tell Xiomara off. What a bitch. I hope you die, Catie.
· TYRA WITHOUT MAKE UP! AAAAHHHH!
· Notice that each season, we have a magazine editor who contributes nothing to the judging process- season one had Marie Claire's Beau Quillian, and this season we have Jane Magazine's Eric Nicholson. Oh, look, you're on TV. Now do something, fucktard.
· What the hell was up with Camille bitching at Catie about the tomato? Yes, Catie should have asked before she took Camille's... erm... produce, but it's a tomato. A tomato. It's not even really a vegetable. Can we get off it and move on? Please?
· When Yoanna referred to Catie as "Twiggy"... it was condescending, to say the least. Bleh.
And, now, on with the official analyses:
April: Coming around the bend to pass Xiomara and Yoanna as my favourites, iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's April! Ah, sweet, happy April. Seriously, I love April. And I love her new makeover. She looks straight off the Sonny & Cher show. It accentuates the features of her face. Also, she did well on the makeup test despite not having much experiences. Yes, it looks like things are turning up roses for the girl I thought would be gone this week. I predict April lasting a while. Watch her go next episode just cuz I said that. Her extreme photo shoot turned out spectacularly well, in my eyes, but the dress and makeup combo looks a bit "the head of the cheerleading squad got into the liquor cabinet again" to me. Still fantastic, though.
April Wilkner's LAUNDRY by Shelli Segal Extreme Photo Ad
Camille: Just when you thought uber bitch had turned it down this week, she butts her big ass in front of the mirror, reads Catie the riot act over a tomato, and just generally Camilles the place up with herself. Ew. I don't like you Camille- but the makeover is an improvement, I must admit. Pretty much anything is better than the hoochie braids at this point. I have to say, this is alot wilder than last season in terms of makeover- then, the most radical image change was probably Kesse, who got extensions. Now you got mohawks and braids and Olive Twist 'dos popping out everywhere- it's kind of funny. Once again, I don't like Camille's picture. She looks stoned. Camille has yet to impress me at any goddamn thing she's done.
Camille McDonald's LAUNDRY by Shelli Segal Extreme Photo Ad
Catie: Quel bitch. I've had it with you and your constantly crying about everything. OK, got your hair cut. I'll let you cry over that. Hell, I'll let you cry over the photo shoot, too. But when you tell off Xiomara and then go backstage and cry about that one, too, well, you've breached the "STOP CRYING AND SHUT THE FUCK UP" line. It's a fine line, that one. Funny irony in that everything you say turns out to be a crock- you won't care how they make you over, fears are a waste of time, etc., etc. I don't like your makeover at all. It makes your face look all red and puffy when you cry. Which is rather often, it seems. But I do like the retro feel of your extreme ad very much- in fact, I think it may be the best one there. By going late, you also got cool light effects in the background. So you get one more chance. You cry one more time, though, and God help me....
Catie Anderson's LAUNDRY by Shelli Segal Extreme Photo Ad
Jenascia: They don't like you in the editing department, do they? Not that you're edited badly. You're just not edited at all. It's like, "OK, cue Jenascia for her obligatory comment about being short, and let's go back to Catie crying about something and call it a night." As of now, you're a two-dimensional character. Hopefully, you'll snap out of that next week, but I doubt it. You've been hovering around the bottom three the whole time, but now, you're finally dead last. I'd bet the farm you're going next week. Indifferent about your extreme photo shoot. I don't like the hair or the dress, really. It's one of the weaker shots.
Jenascia Chakos' LAUNDRY by Shelli Segal Extreme Photo Ad
Mercedes: I just can't see Mercedes not winning this thing. She's just so going that way. She's yet to have a bad week, and she has an exotic look. She's likeable, energetic, and man, she's pretty. I am so keeping Mercedes at the top of my list until anyone gives me any reason not to. Liked her makeover, but the hair was a bit too long. Her extreme photo shoot, I don't like. It's certainly the weakest of her pictures thus far. She looks paranoid, but the hair is working for her. I still say she takes it all.
Mercedes Scelba-Shorte's LAUNDRY by Shelli Segal Extreme Photo Ad
Sara: The Curse of the Invisible Woman strikes yet again! Sara, Sara, Sara. Who are you, babe? Every week, you come out and give a fantastic show, and you go ignored because Camille is too busy bitching about what goes into Yoanna's salad and hogging all the limelight. I feel for you, Sara, I do. And I love your extreme photo. It's like preppy school marm meets early eighties hooker. And I mean that in the nicest ways. One of my old teachers dressed like a hooker from the eighties. Trust me, she can't pull it off anywhere near as well as you can. Points for passing the makeup test on elimination day.
Sara Racey-Tabrizi's LAUNDRY by Shelli Segal Extreme Photo Ad
Shandi: Now, I know I've harped on you before. I know I've said that the acclaim for you was unfounded and you didn't deserve it. But this week, I was really feeling you. Pulled off that make-up test like a pro on elimination night. Your makeover makes you look about ten times better (just hide yer ears, woman!), and your LAUNDRY extreme photo shoot went superbly. It's all very A Clockwork Orange. You got a great outfit, makeup job, everything- every week, you get a really great shot that absolutely blows you away. Week one gave us Mercedes and April's shots, the same pair failed to disappoint in week two, but this week was Shandi's week. No doubt about it. A+.
Shandi Sullivan's LAUNDRY by Shelli Segal Extreme Photo Ad
Xiomara: Your shot is clearly weaker than even Heather's or Jenascia's this week. I'm sorry. I know you didn't have Jay Manuel there to help you, and the judges were right in saying that you probably should have called him over and told him that you were dwindling, but you're too nice a person for that. I totally respect that. That said, it shouldn't cost you the competition. You can do better than this- you can do better than your makeup test. It was a bad week. Let's call it a wash, and start over.
Xiomara Frans' LAUNDRY by Shelli Segal Extreme Photo Ad
Yoanna: A mohawk. You certainly got one of the more "extreme" extreme makeovers. And to your credit, you were a total sport about it. Most women would cringe or pull a Catie, but not you. Good call. Also, you won Jay Manuel's smoky eye makeup dealie, despite that lardass Camille hogging the mirror. All in all, you avoided the drama and had a good week. You're bordering on being a bitch at times, now, but I'm more than willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Certainly. I like your extreme photo ad. You're rocking the hair, and the makeup. Looks like you were born to be suspended in a tight harness over a rusty pit.
Yoanna House's LAUNDRY by Shelli Segal Extreme Photo Ad
And, this week's returner to their old job at Hooters:
Heather: Seems everyone called this one but me. I just figured that you were too much like Bethany to be eliminated the week after her. Guess Tyra and the judges felt otherwise. I have to wonder if the judges knew you were going and decided not to spring for a makeover because it would be frivolous. By that reason, Catie and Shandi should be around for a while. Shandi, certainly. So, what went wrong? You were just too average. It's happened to plenty of people in the past, such as season one's Tessa Carlson and Katie Cleary. But I feel that you have had the least effect of any contestant on the show ever. Yes, even less than Tessa or Katie. So, bye. You'll soon be forgotten for someone decent at modelling, like Shandi or Yoanna or Mercedes. Too bad, I finally had something to remember you as- "Homesick Girl". Next time, maybe a little less angst. You're not one of Xiomara's high school goth friends, you know.
Goodbye, Heather. It's been a pleasant three hours knowing you. Let this serve as a lesson: never make a desperate call to a loved one in the third episode. I'm looking at you, Nicole.
Heather Blumberg's LAUNDRY by Shelli Segal Extreme Photo Ad
So, we're down to nine. Next week, Mercedes faces a serious illness, and the girls are made over to look like celebrities. So, who'll make the cut?
1. Mercedes
2. Yoanna
3. Sara
4. Shandi
5. April
6. Camille
7. Catie
8. Xiomara
9. Jenascia
Cheers to Shandi for stealing the show. Cheers to Catie for SHUT THE FUCK UP.