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Taylor's Journal
Drama this week. First off, some general notes:
· What the hell was up with the platinum blonde hair, Jay Manuel? Come on! It's a toss up now for who has the worst hairdo- Jay Manuel, Tyra, or Catie's horrendous makeover next episode.
· Speaking of which, poor Catie. Poor, poor Catie. The new shorter hairdo might look better if they hadn't bleached you out. You poor thing... If you don't win, I'd sue them for psychological trauma. As well as folical trauma.
· SPEAKING of Catie, did you see the size of that rock they gave her at the cocktail party? That was the biggest diamond I've ever seen in my LIFE! My God!
· Now, I dunno if anyone else was laughing when Janice and J. Alexander both got up on the desk and tried to do the booty arch, but I was. They looked like a pair of pornographic book ends.
· Supermodel Maggie Rizer looks alot like a friend I have named Megan.
· Steve Madden shoes have to be the ugliest shoes in the world.
· I look at the Steve Madden ads, and I see Shandi, Heather, and Camille all wearing plain black dresses. Why? The girls get their only opportunity to dress themselves, make themselves up, and select their own photo for a shoot, and they choose a plain back dress? Blah. Nice calls on the parts of April, Bethany, Mercedes and Jenascia when it comes to flattering apparel.
With the individual analyses, again saving the episode's main presences for last:
April: Slipped nicely under the radar this episode. April is totally endearing. She has these quirky facial expressions and mannerisms that are so cute and quirky. I'm loving her Steve Madden ad. First off, she's the only girl who I could see on the street and say, "Nice outfit." Of course, if you're wearing those boots, you're probably spending alot of time on street corners. In any event, her boots match nicely with her dress. I don't like that you can't see her face in the shot, or that her ribs are showing, but it's an ad for footwear, and the boots are displayed prominantly. Good call.
April Wilkner's Steve Madden Footwear Ad
Heather: Heather. Honey. No goddamn idea who you are. I looked at your Eve shot, thought you were Catie. I looked at your Steve Madden shot, thought you were Bethany. I can't remember a single thing about you, and that includes confessionals, memorable quotes, photographs, etc. Let your personality shine through- which is hard to do in a plain black dress. As for the Steve Madden ad... it looks a little cheesecake calendar to me. But I have to say, you pulled off the shoes as best you could. There is not a damn outfit in the world that would look half-decent with those shoes. The shoes are displayed prominantly, but not done justice by the background which camoflages the shoes. But hey, not your fault. Next episode, give us something to remember you by.
Heather Blumberg's Steve Madden Footwear Ad
Jenascia: Jenascia, Jenascia, Jenascia. You blended in nicely this episode despite your poor show in episode one. You're still gonna get hell for being too short, and you need to compromise. Just wear heels. Pretend you're tall. That's what the judges are screaming at you to do! And if the judges say jump, you say "How high?" Onto your ad shoot. Nice dress. Loving the dress. I like the boots, too, but they're about as subtle as a crowbar to the kneecaps. Don't like the boots with the dress, but you did your best. Also did a great job of remembering that the boots are what's for sale, not you. Most of the girls did a good job on this.
Jenascia Chakos' Steve Madden Footwear Ad
Mercedes: Outstanding. You put on a great show week after week. You've obviously gotten in good with the other girls, as evidenced by Catie inviting you to her victory cocktail party after winning the runway competition. However, she also invited Camille, so that one's up in the air. Your Steve Madden ad is among the best, and your chosen footwear doesn't actually look half bad. Boots even go with the bandanna and cap. Well done. VERY well done.
Mercedes Scelba-Shorte's Steve Madden Footwear Ad
Sara: A.K.A. the invisible woman. Sara is kinda like Heather, except that while I know exactly which one Sara is, she's never around. She's very pretty, and has gotten praise from the fans, but... for what? She's rarely even on camera! As for the Steve Madden ad, those boots are absolutely hideous. The outfit was a risky- she's one of the few not wearing a dress or skirt-, but she pulls it off. She's wearing a bit too much lipstick. Sara, maybe you and Heather should form a club to get noticed.
Sara Racey-Tabrizi's Steve Madden Footwear Ad
Xiomara: Xiomara, you are, by far, one of my top two favourites (along with, incidentally, Yoanna). So believe me when I say: there is something seriously wrong with your eyes. Seriously wrong. Look at her profile picture- cross eyed. Her runway walk- crack addict eyes. Her Steve Madden ad- psychotic eyes. Her runway walk did look like Linda Blair from the Exorcist- I nearly expired laughing. So, Xiomara, tone down the eyes. Besides that, I like your Steve Madden ad. You did your make-up well, have a bangin' outfit, good work.
Xiomara Frans' Steve Madden Footwear Ad
And, the stars:
Camille: The one whom everyone loves to hate. Heather hates you, Xiomara can't stand you, and Yoanna absolutely LOATHES you. I'd say you're off to a nice start. They hack up your hair next episode, but it has to be for the best, I suppose. Unlike Catie's. Anyhoodliedoodle, the loft had a group meeting on the subject of your being a hateful bitch, and your spat with Yoanna. You're not coming off well. I'd say. Now, I less than affectionately dub your Steve Madden ad "All the Shit from Season One I Could Throw Against the Wall to Make It Stick." Apparently failed attempt at motion shots- check. Tyra copycat makeup- double check. Seriously, what were you thinking with that makeup? I want to know what's going through your head. Not much else on her shot, besides her apparent lack of cleavage and the fact that she tackily wore the dress she'd worn to the cocktail party the night before to the photo shoot. Next.
Camille McDonald's Steve Madden Footwear Ad
Catie: The pre-Massacared Hair days. Catie sort of climbed into the limelight this week by winning the runway competition, and being completely oblivious to the fact that everyone in the house wanted to stab Camille in the face. Seriously- you wanted to keep the notice, but she wouldn't let go of the damn thing. She's also snide, rude and snotty. Did you think she stood a chance at Homecoming Queen? Jeez. Like your Steve Madden shoes. You got one of the better pairs. Unfortunately, this photo gives the illusion that Catie has a head the size of a peanut, which we know to be untrue. Nothing else, besides that she looks very waify and model-like.
Catie Anderson's Steve Madden Footwear Ad
Shandi: Once again, without any major coverage in the episode, it's still all about Shandi. I don't get it. If I had to choose the absolute worst model there going by photos, it would probably be her. I am not seeing what everyone else thinks is so outstanding about her photos. I think it might be her eyes- they are always so overly done up in her photos. She has the ugliest boots out of anyone. And while her pose in the photo is outstanding (it was a pose that the judges suggested the Amazing Mercedes should have tried, in fact), it doesn't make up for the fact that I'm just not feeling her. A for effort, though. Ditch the Steve Madden hooker boots, you're better than that.
Shandi Sullivan's Steve Madden Footwear Ad
Yoanna: Yoanna, I love you. You're my absolute favourite. You're edgy without being cliched, tell it like it is without being a bitch (like some others- Camille, I'm looking in your direction), and you stole rolls of toilet paper from tavern on the green. You put Camille in her place, if only temporarily, and managed to take the ugliest shoes I've ever seen in my life and make them look workable in your Steve Madden ad. You need a bit of a wardrobe check, though- that purple and orange number you were wearing in the runway competition? Your slacks in the Steve Madden ad? That eighties pink jumpsuit paint job? Well, you didn't really have much control over the last one, but the others- do something about it. You're supposed to be a designer.
Yoanna House's Steve Madden Footwear Ad
And, our dearly departed:
Bethany: I wanna know what the judges were smoking when they decided to eliminate you. Your Steve Madden ad is easily one of the most appealing, and you have a very good presence and take direction well. So, what went wrong? Maybe you were too chesty for your own good. Maybe they thought the other girls would kill you in your sleep out of breast envy. Maybe they feared the massive gravitational pull from your bosom would throw off the Earth's rotation. I'm not sure what happened, but there's a ninety percent chance it involves your breasts in some way, shape or form. I'm surprised, though, and saddened to see you go. But I totally called it. Go back and look at my predictions, you'll see she's in the bottom three.
Goodbye, Bethany. It's been a pleasant two hours knowing you. You may not have been chosen as the best of the breast, but at least now you know how to do that booty arch. I'm sure it came in handy, because Bethany, you just got fucked.
Bethany Harrison's Steve Madden Footwear Ad
So, what are my power rankings going into episode three?
1. Mercedes
2. Yoanna
3. Catie
4. Shandi
5. Camille
6. Sara
7. Heather
8. Jenascia
9. Xiomara
10. April
Sorry, April, this may be a hunch, but I see you going. (Sounds like a song...)
And mercifully, we're down to ten girls. Will Catie explode after she sees her horrendous make over? What of the newly blonde Shandi's apparent collapse? How the hell will they pull off eleven more episodes with only ten girls left? Guess we'll see.
Stay tuned. ;)