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QitQat

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I Used To Think... [18 Mar 2005|01:48am]
[ mood | cynical ]

I used to think that in spite of everything, people really were good at heart. You know, like Anne Frank. But I am weathered now and now I know differently. I suppose that had Anne Frank been afforded the opportunity to survive, she would have wrote of a different philosophy. I daresay that she didn't feel that way as she drew her last breath - I mean how could she when she was being tormented by devils? So as I grew seasoned by the realities of society, I wondered about the way the proverbial They hold her optimism up as a lesson to us as if it were a certainty that she still felt that way while being starved and beaten and raped and god knows what else went on in those filthy concentration camps by those horrors of life. There is a high likelihood that her mther was killed before she was, can we really picture Anne Frank watching her mother die and Margot gang-raped while dreamily thinking: "even though they are ravishing my sister and killing my mother and I don't where my Papa is, these Nazis are really good at heart." Imagine that.

People suck. Amerikkka is ripe for a ressurection of the Third Reich.

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Good Day Anyway... [17 Mar 2005|05:11pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

I woke up this morning feeling like peeled shit but at least SweetGrass was feeling better. I kept her home from school one more day anyway. Now she is gone to spend the next two nights over Nanna's house. Papa went to buy shoes for Little Tree because his sneakers are kickin'. They'll be back soon, I guess but for this time, I am enjoying the peace and quiet. They are all always so noisy. The three of them. I like to be able to hear myself think. ...Ahhh...peace is over.

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Returning Flow... [15 Mar 2005|08:28pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

I feel good. I was able to catch up on my sleep after staying up all night. I did some writing and I feel some more strining to get out so maybe I'll have some stuff to post up here, tomorrow. By stuff I mean poems. It's funny because on my other blog - over on xanga, someone I read was talking about having writer's block with the poetry and a few others commented that they were dried up for awhile, too. So maybe it is the season. In truth though, I didn't feel tapped out just busy. There was a lot going on and a lot of stress associated with it and I simply did not feel like writing. Usually, when I am relaxed, they just come forth like water flowing out of a fountain. Now that things are settling back down to normal, I can feel them coming back. I am always full of wonder about what will come forth...

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Limbo [15 Mar 2005|07:25am]
[ mood | tired ]

I feel like I am teetering around in limbo. Sometimes it is okay and I am content to just be patient because I know that I am going to emerge from this place soon. I think the only reason why I can even have that kind of patience about this is because I used to think that it was simply a hell that I would never escape from, realizing it is only a cocoon of sorts is a great relief. But sometimes I do get antsy and impatient with the waiting because the inner-quickening is so intense. ...I want my life back. I want a life better than before.

The need to burst forth is almost insatiable at times and I sometimes think that whenever I am finally free of these confines, I will fly away so hard and so far and so fast, that I will get too far away from my family and will be unable to make my way back to them again. That thought is both scary and strangely intoxicating.

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