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[04 Oct 2003|04:48pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | the voices inside my head ] I've been angsty... but feeling better now. Or maybe this is just numbness again. I cheered myself up by buying things. Yesterday I bought: cd’s: Sting: sacred love Trainspotting the soundtrack books: T. Harris: Red Dragon F. Dostojevski: Crime and punishment (Salvador)Dali –bio & pics of some works I found this completely wonderful, amazing shop; “diamond gallery”, or something like it. From there I bought: red frog- statue, which is said to bring long life and richness, a shark-tooth, a stone and a celtic necklace. This all cost me to sick. =/ But I had to. The books were all very cheap. I borrowed some records from the library. One of them is a soundtrack of a movie named “Strange days”. I’ve never seen that movie, but there was Ralph Fiennes on the cover of the cd, so I took it. The music gives a pretty interesting idea of what the movie could be like… mostly it’s the kind of music I never listen to. And for some strange reason, and in a strange way, I like it. And I saw the moon. It was a half moon, yellow, close and bigger than I ever seen. It was so amazingly beautiful. Unreal. We’re going to have visitors and I’ll be hiding in my room, quiet and pretending that I don’t exist. *-means: I’ll be listening to music so loud that everyone will hear it. x)* for me

[29 Sep 2003|11:59am] [ mood | silly ] I should be reading for the exams right now, but... I'm lazy. x) Today's religion exam went ok... considering how little I had been reading and how damn little I knew. I never remember anything more than some small details. It's not nice. Maybe school isn't my place at any rate, because of my reading disorder and learning difficulties. Now there's _only_ extra difficult history and english exams ahead. English isn't going to be easy because there are some new things which I simply do not comprehend. Maybe I'll just give up and do as I have done so far: use my experience. *which is small, though.* My english sucks even more than I realised. =/ Ok, enough whining already. -_- I had a nice dream last night... it felt _so_ real. I was eating(-I didn't actually eat, just drank some wine) dinner with Hannibal Lecter(!) *please insert a joke here x)* and we discussed... don't remember what about, though. One funny thing is that I'm not sure if I was myself in that dream or not. I think I was Will Graham.(!) I really need to see more dreams like this one. :) New obsession: I can't stop watching this video clip (-the "glaad"-one) over and over again... it's too cute. :) Do they know they're giving a RPS-fan like me 'ideas'? Well ofcourse they do. *g* for me

[25 Sep 2003|01:28pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] We're going to England! :)))) It's official now, my mon already bought the tickets. We've been planning the trip 'only' for 2 years and now we're finally going! (-only for 5-days, though) Can't wait. (: If you've visited Britain, and know what are the most "must go/see" places, tell me & thank you. :) These personality tests are very interesting: The Big Five Personality Test Extroverted |||||||||| 32% Introverted |||||||||||||||| 68% Friendly |||||||||||||| 58% Aggressive |||||||||||| 42% Orderly |||||||||||||| 52% Disorderly |||||||||||| 48% Relaxed |||||||||||| 42% Emotional |||||||||||||| 58% Intellectual |||||||||||| 46% Practical |||||||||||||| 54% Take Free Big 5 Personality Test 4 screams| for me

[21 Sep 2003|12:45pm] [ mood | lazy ] Yesterday I saw a movie "Dog day afternoon", with Al Pacino in it. It was a very good film, based on true story. Al was _gorgeous_, even though not as charismatic as he now is. His character; Sonny had a man as a lover; Leon. So cute. :)..though it ended sadly. I hope I'll see Al kiss a guy someday soon... so far I've only seen him kissing another man on the lips in God father II, and you can hardly call it kissing... *and yes: I'm going crazy by thinking this stuff x)* I should study for the exams... history will be the most diffult, I think. Or maybe religion. Some weeks ago I was seriously thinking that I might leave school. But now I've noticed there actually is good sides in it. School work seems to give me more inspiration. Don't know why... I've been listening to Muse's "Absolution" and it's quite good. 2 screams| for me

[16 Sep 2003|07:01pm] [ mood | okay ] Whe: I got two R&A-movie festival tickets for myself and Heini, for two movies: Elephant & Bodysong. That's something, at least... I'd would have wanted to see "Straight talk: the world of rular queers", but it was too late of a show. And I'm still upset for not getting to see "Love Liza." ...but I shouldn't whine.*shuts up about it now* x) Alot of homework. Just did some, but there's plenty to do still. Luckily tomorrow I'll have more time, and hopefully; energy. Watched couple of movies on this week, even though I shouldn't have... I've been writing, too. When ever I _wouldn't_ have the time to write anything fictional, I do. The inspiration and ideas have a bad habit of comming to me, when I simply wouldn't have the time to work on them. But I'm happy that fic ideas have appeared, never the less. Going to post those fics to my finnish journal: Greensery.(-because they're in finnish. I'm not good in english, so I write fics only in finnish.) Have to go and do something usuful now... 5 screams| for me

[13 Sep 2003|07:08pm] [ mood | depressed ] I've had 'nightmares' lately. In one of these I get bitten by a cannibal mouse.(-/ratt.) Then I get some disease and start killing people...I was going to eat them but I didn't. *-actually sounds somewhat ridiculous. but it was _scary_ to me.* ...So this wouldn't have anything to do with me reading Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham slash?(-yes, I read that. consider me mad if you will.) And last night I had a nightmare about Stephen King's Pennywise-clown. How pathetic. x) I didn't get tickets to the R&A film festivals... I don't have a brain so for some reason I blew it up. I'd really want to see "Love Liza", but that's sold out too. Maybe I'll check some more movies out.. One good thing about today: I managed to convice my father _not_ to leave his job. Go me. for me

[09 Sep 2003|02:26pm] [ mood | crazy ] I 'stole' this from Cho: 01. What is your name? Won’t tell you my ‘real’ name, sorry. 002. Spell your name backwards: Eh.. we’ll I call myself Ann, so: Nna. x) 003. Date of birth: 24.7 1986 004. Male or female? female. 005. Astrological sign: Lion 006. Nicknames: Ann, Ansu. 007. Occupation: student 008. Height: about 165_cm-different than in USA?.. or something like it.. 009. Weight: about 63kg(-dif. than in USA.) 010. Hair color: Boring brown 011. Eye color: Green 012. Where did you last live: In Helsinki. 013. Where do you reside now? still in Helsinki. 014. Age: 17 outside, 30 from inside. 015. Screen names: Greensery, Lumen q, Artemia, Qewe, Lady Anne.. 016. E-mail addy: lumen_q@yahoo.com 017. What does your screen name stand for? Greensery: my eyes are green and I like Slytherins, plus Green reminds me of Ireland, wich I also like. 018. What is your bluty name? Qewe 019. What does your blurty name stand for? Nothing... I guess. I just liked the Q. :) 020. Pets: Fishes 021. Number of candles you blew out on your last birthday cake? Didn’t. 022. Piercings? Earrings only 023. Tattoo's? None, but I’d like to get one. 024. Shoe size: Maybe 39. And again, it’s a “finnish size”. 025. Righty or lefty? Righty 026. Wearing: Clothes *g* 027. Hearing: Clannad 028. Feeling: Bored 029. Eating/drinking: Pepsi max Favorites.. Day/Night- Night Sun/Rain- Rain Tv show- C.S.I, Queer as folk2 Color- Black Food- Chinese vegetables and mushrooms with rice. Number- 7 Car- Dunno Artist- HR Giger, Edward Munch, Salvador Dali, Andy Warhol.. Word- ‘Whee’ ..even though I don’t think it’s a word. :) Phrase- “Carpe diem” Month- dunno.. maybe September. Soda- Pepsi max!!! Candy- All kinds Jewelery- a silver ring Music- Björk, Tori Amos, Loreena McKennit.. you can’t put them in any genre and that’s a good thing. Actor- Many. Alan Rickman, Al Pacino, Dustin Hoffman, Joaquin Phoenix, Christopher Walken.. Actress- Kate Winslet, Shirley Henderson Quote- Many! ”You hear a phone ring and it could be anybody. But a ringin phone has to be answeared, doesn’t it?”(-The Caller, Phone Booth) “He’s here, he’s queer, I’ll buy him a beer!”(-QAF) “What do you mean I’m not brave when I’m in bed?”(-Harry to Dudley in OoP x) “I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living”(-Fantine, Les Miserables) “We loved us”(-from F/G slashfic) "Chris Walken is great because he's so mad all the time"-(J. I miss you.) I've been on PC over 2-hours now, and I haven't gotten anything important finished. =/ 7 screams| for me

[05 Sep 2003|01:21pm] [ mood | melancholy ] Right now, if I could, I'd get a car and go driving, while listening to Aimee Mann's "Lost in space"-record. It suits my mood perfectly. I don't feel bad anymore, though... just melancholy. A little. I really should delete J's pic from my documents-file.. but I can't do that yet. I've already deleted all his emails, so that I won't read them and think about him even more than I already do. He's one of those good 'experiences' that I will always remember. Just wish it could have lasted longer, I didn't _really_ learn to know him, and that is, among some other things, what depresses me. If I had said yes, when he asked if we could meet, sooner, then maybe.. Now I have to stop this. =/ I'm maybe going to go buy some records and other things tomorrow... I have enough money to spend. But I actually don't have time for shopping. But I need to go, anyway. It's a bit stupid. I think that buying stuff can make me feel better... even though it usually does, at first. But after a while I regret of spending the money, unless it's something I've wanted for ages, something _very_ important. Right now I can think of only two such things; Dancer in the dark & Requiem for a dream- dvd's. (-which reminds me: watch those movies very rarely. they make too depressed.) Right now I'm doing my homework- meaning: extra work, and writing fics. And being on computer. You'd think there are too many things to do at the same time? x) I have so many fic- ideas and couple of almost finished ones.. finally 'getting rid of them.' 10 screams| for me

[02 Sep 2003|05:53pm] [ mood | sad ] I can't belive it. I don't want to belive. Just when I thought I had met the right person. When I had the will to live. It all ends. I don't belive him(-J). I should have know.. And he's not the only one. That's the worst. I don't know who can I trust anymore. 6 screams| for me

[31 Aug 2003|05:19pm] [ mood | happy ] I & J went to watch "Identity"(film) yesterday. It was ok movie... but there were some typical 'stuff'. I think I could give it ***. It was pretty entertaining- that if not anything else. I had great time last afternoon-night. J and I talked alot about movies and music. I'm not going to write more about it, because if I do this entry might never be finished. *g* Went shopping today. Didn't find the HR Giger poster I'd have wanted, but instead I found this quite interesting book: Querelle. And I bought a waterplant. :) 4 screams| for me

[27 Aug 2003|05:15pm] [ mood | amused ] http://www.jd-divas.com/ Ok... I have to admit: I'm suffering from Daniel/Jack(-from Stargate the tvserie) addiction. They're just so perfect together. And so obvious, even though Jack kissed Carter and so on... he's _always_ huggin Daniel. _And_ touching him. Besides: you know there's "Jack Daniels"(-the drink) and Daniel Jack(son). It's in the names, even. :) Stargate is on today. And so is CSI- whee. About the last entry: I was overreacting. Feeling better now... all because of J/D slash and this one other thing. *g* 2 screams| for me

[26 Aug 2003|08:53pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | Blur ] I feel crappy. For couple of things... although there are things to feel fairly happy/content about. Today I heard a guy say this about my drawing: "that's the worst." Ofcourse I knew it was no good, but hearing it from another person, knowing that you did the drawing as good as you could... knowing. It hurts. 9 screams| for me

[18 Aug 2003|06:03pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | R.E.M:Up ] I have _so_ much school work to do. Especially in chemistry, since I'm studying it independently. But the reason why I have to do alot extra work is because I'm stupid. Learning new things is extra difficult to me. I learn it ,usually, but it takes more time... I think. I borrowed these cd's from the library(-spelled that wrong?) : REM: UP Savage Garden: Affirmation Mary Black: Circus Mary Black: Collected Sarah McLachlan: Touch Mazzy Star: Among my swan I've never heard anything from Mazzy Star, and have no idea what kind of music it is...just hope it's at least somewhat good. R.E.M's up is ok, but the 3-songs are missing from the cd. =/ I like "Sad Professor." It reminds me of Remus Lupin, somehow... Dear readers, my apologies I'm drifting in and out of sleep long silence presents the tragedies of love note the age, get afraid. The surface hazy with attendant thoughts a lazy eye metaphor on the rocks 2 screams| for me

[13 Aug 2003|07:07pm] [ mood | silly ] School started all right.. except that I'm already bored with it. I want to be in school as little as possible. It's just not my place. I'd like to get a job, actually. Somehow you have the energy to be at work when you know you're getting paid for it. *-I think I've said this before..?* You're Newborn! Which Muse Song Are You? brought to you by Quizilla -That's one my fav Muse songs! Whee. :) 4 screams| for me

[10 Aug 2003|02:54am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | Muse: Feeling good ] We're visiting our relatives but now we're back again. Good to be home. I bought a very nice silver ring from that trip, and the guy who sell it gave me a bracelet for free. Whee. :) Looks like finnish channel four won't show any new episodes of QAF. =/ The last episode was a bit of a dissapointment for me. *but there was Human behaviour by Björk! whee! :)* Ethan makes me sick. He really does. Or did. Something horrible happened today: we're eating in a restaurant, I ordered vege-piza... and when I was eating I noticed a slice of ham! I didn't eat another peace, and complained about it. I got half of the money back. In my opinion I should have gotten more. After all: I was almost crying in shock. I'm afraid it will be a life-lasting trauma for me. Like I don't have enough of those already. =/ I don't want to go to sleep yet, although I'm _very_ sleepy... I just don't want to. Dunno... maybe I'm afraid of nightmares, which woke me up when I was sleeping in the train. But I have to sleep soon... 6 screams| for me

[06 Aug 2003|11:46pm] [ mood | depressed ] I noticed I can't edit my homepages, because I can't access Geocities pagebuilder. There's stuff in need for editing, so I have to visit libary tomorrow... I just have to edit things, or I won't be getting any sleep. *-as I already don't.* I'm sad because of school will start soon... I have nothing there. My motivation to learn is very low, since I now know I have reading disoder, or what ever it's called in english. School work takes serious amount of work for me. I should begin to excercise more. It would increase my energy, perhaps. And creativity even. I wonder why I don't do excercise, even though I know it's exactly what I need? ...just lazyness, I guess. Again, I'm thinking I should somehow 'get a grip' of my life. Sounds ridiculous, but it's true.. I can't change the way I live to how I'd want to live, nor what I am to what I'd want to be like. The only thing I can do is to adjust myself to fit in this life and world. Hate it, though. Maybe some day I can live the way I want. ...the day it will be too late? 2 screams| for me

[04 Aug 2003|11:35pm] [ mood | blah ] I was quite depressed in the morning…for no special reason. Meeting with my psykologist(-I can’t fucking spell that) just made me even more depressed. She talks and talks and has no idea. I’m starting to think she’s one of those people trying to find out ‘the easy way of me’, searching reasons for my problems of things that haven’t got anything to do with me being depressed and self loathing. I’m feeling a bit better now. I just have to get off from this stupid feeling... this suspicion. It’s scary how few people there is I can trust. But it’s no wonder after so many dissapointments and being lied to over and over again. One time a guy said I was too naive, trusting people too easily. Didn’t take long to change that. There are many things in this computer that don’t work. I’m so tired of all this that I don’t even have the energy to be dissapointed. I bought two dvd’s: Trainspotting & Phone Booth. Yes: I had to buy PB, even though it’s not really great movie, just avarage good. But as a thriller- a killer. And damn: have I already said Kiefer Sutherland’s voice is _hot_ ? Well, it is. Very. :) Have to watch Trainspotting soon... and I'm plannign to sell few of my dvd's. The ones I never watch. for me

I'm back [03 Aug 2003|06:00pm] [ mood | cheerful ] The computer works! Thanks to the genious. :) There’s still some stuff to do with these programs, though... Internet works fine. Now we’ve got XP, instead of ME. Millenimium Edition was bad, always getting stuck and everything... XP is so much better. Yesterday I was visiting Heini’s home. It was fun. :) 2 screams| for me

[28 Jul 2003|11:44pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | radio blues ] My computer went broken big time and has been so for 4 days now. Now I'm writing at my dad's workcomputer, which I don't get to use very often... so not many updates coming. I really hate to be without internet even for a such little time... my dad's friend is luckily going to fix our PC's... it will take only one week or so. It was my birthday 24. I got some money for present and two cards. I bought 3 records with the money: (-didn't spend it all) one Muse, one Loreena McKennit & one Joni Mitchell. :) They're all pretty good, although Joni's just doesn't sound like anything special...I just haven't gotten myself into it. It's been damn hot all day... only now when it's a little bit cooler I have more energy. Have to go now, back to being bored... 4 screams| for me

[21 Jul 2003|02:49pm] [ mood | amused ] I made a Finnish journal to go with my "maybe" upcoming Finnish website: Greenserish If you have added "Greensery"- my movie journal, you can delete it. I don't think I'm going to write in it anymore, since I'm a member of Indiefilms community. -0% of people got the same result as I did...x) 2 screams| for me

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