015; 4-6-04|1:59p I'm grounded from the internet until June 11th for getting a D in Honours. I won't be on AIM or anything...maybe if I'm up really late or something, though. Call if you need anything / want to hang out: 683-3506. bullyrag

014; 30-5-04|11:05p music | Born Again$t Today I saw Rescue, Murder by Death, Minus the Bear and Braid. It was really good. Maybe even worth the (outrageous) twelve bucks. Thanks so much to Andy, Kristen and Josh! Rescue: Pretty standard Post-Hardcore stuff. The guitarist was pretty good, and the vocalist reminded me a bit of Engine Down's singer, except a bit higher. After four songs, and the singer/guitarist's gear messing up twice, he just walked off stage. Murder by Death: I was kind of surprised by them. The recorded material I'd heard was not so good...sounded like the Black Heart Procession, but bad. Live they were a little bit better. The first and fourth songs were good, but the other four were not so great. The cellist is not as hot as everyone says. Minus the Bear: On record, this band is way boring...but live they're pretty goddamn good. Lots of energy and the intricate guitar work sounds really nice. Not boring at all...I really thought about buying their LP, but I decided to save my money. Braid: Oh man. So much energy and presence. They played a huge set, maybe an hour long, and despite my pleading screams, didn't play KatyKat. Anyway, it was awesome. They played all the hits, and some of the stuff I've never heard. They left the stage, and the whole croud was clapping and chanting "BRAID, BRAID, BRAID," and they rushed back on and played three or four more songs. Second to last song, they quoted CaP'n Jazz; "You can't look at the sky, without looking right through it." I bought the Frame and Canvas LP, but saved my money by not buying a shirt. Fucking amazing. $350 loser ♥ bullyrag

013; 22-5-04|12:56p music | Ethel Meserve This week was quite uneventful. I didn't go anywhere or see anyone, I didn't get any records, I didn't do anything. But I don't particularly mind that (other than not getting records, of course). I started reading Charlotte Bronte's "Jane Eyre," and so far I'm really enjoying it. It's the first assigned Honours English book I've actually liked. Well, Kafka's "The Hunger Artist," but that's a short story. I'm really in the mood to read some more Murakami, but I'm all out of material. I've read everything of his I own, except for a few of his short stories. When I get some money I plan on picking up Dance Dance Dance and Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World. I wish I could find copies in a used store somewhere. Yesterday I finally saw Kill Bill: Volume One and I must say it actually lived up to the hype. Very nicely coreographed and everything. I don't know if the sequel is still in theatres, but if so I'll have to see it soon. I understood an okay chunk of the Japanese they spoke in the movie, especially during the anime scene where O-Renn Ishii kills the Yakuza leader. But that was all relatively easy stuff; "Look at my eyes, look at my mouth, look at my face...," etc. I wanted to rent Twenty-One Grams, too, but they were all out. I've been working on this tape I'm making all week. I think today I finally got it down, but the flow seems kind of...off on the b-side. I like the a-side a lot, though. Hopefully the person I give it to enjoys it and gets into the style (twinkly mid-90s Indie Rock stuff). Not all of the bands are like that, but nearly all of them. So far it's got CaP'n Jazz, Braid, Moonraker, Rockets and Bluelights, Kolya, Mineral and The Pine on the a-side; Christie Font Drive, Ethel Meserve, Penfold, The Weakerthans and Evergreen on the b-side. The Christie Front Drive to Ethel Meserve to Penfold transition doesn't flow at all. I'm going to tinker with it and hopefully have it done sometime soon. I've got so much homework it's absolutely disgusting. Five or more pages to write on Leon Trotsky for History; six write-ups on Genetic Diseases/Disorders, as well as ten plus pages of Creature Feature for Biology; Six chapters of Jane Eyre for Honours English; and two pages of Math homework. Fucking christ; they're trying to kill me. I'm sure I'll find some way to get it done. Speaking of shitloads of homework, I turned my permission slip for AP History for next year. Woo, my first College course! I dunno, I'm sure it'll be lots of work, but I'll enjoy it because I like History. $350 loser ♥ bullyrag

012; 18-5-04|8:42p music | Kolya I was so messed up today. By the time I got to first period, I could barely read because of blurred vision, I had an unbearable headache (like I'd hit my head particularly hard on a rather unforgiving surface), and I was nauseated beyond belief. I tried to throw up during Math, but that didn't work. I called home but got the answering machine. I went back to class and sat around, then I went to Honours and told Mrs. Sailer I might have to get up and suddenly leave during class because I was going to throw up. She said okay, but reminded me that we were taking an impromptu on Othello. She intended to make me write an unprepared essay on a topic I didn't know ahead of time, all while I could barely make out any writing. I left just before she put it out and tried to throw up; failed. I decided to just pack my stuff up and wait by the office, and kept trying to call. Turned out my mum was at work, and she left after I called to come pick me up. While I was waiting for her by the entrance, I went to the nearest bathroom to try again (failed), and on the way back I found fifteen dollars on the ground. Score. She picked me up and on the way back we stopped and I threw up a little. When we got back home I threw up everything in my stomach and started dry heaving. Vomit even came out of my nostrils. So gross. I had some Sprite to calm my stomach and went to sleep for five or six hours. When I woke up, I remembered the money I'd found and filled out an order for the new Pine LP. So I've got seven dollars left; at least five of which will go towards sending off records I owe people (Dead Letter Auction 7", Drive Like Jehu LP + 7", From Ashes Rise 7", Kilara 7", Shivering 7"). So I'm not going to have much money for the Braid show. I'll at least buy the Frame and Canvas LP (since it's the only vinyl they officially have in print anyway), but I would like to pick up a t-shirt, too. $150 loser ♥ bullyrag

011; 15-5-04|10:15p music | Wrangler Brutes I've read three Haruki Murakami books this week. Well, I finished A Wild Sheep Chase from two months ago, and read all of South of the Border, West of the Sun and Sputnik Sweetheart. I've also gotten some other people interested; I loaned this cool girl in my Math and Japanese classes a copy of The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, and I'm loaning A Wild Sheep Chase to the kid who sits in front of me in Japanese. I myself have just started The Elephant Vanishes, a collection of his early short stories, but I can't say I'm into it as much. Murakami needs two-hundred to six-hundred pages to develop his characters and put them all into crazy, dream-like situations. I've decided that I'm going to do a zine this summer. Again...but this one will actually go to print, unlike the first. No music reviews, no articles on the misguided view of Emo in society and in the media, just some writing. Some journal-style stuff, a short story if I can. Might do a band interview or two. I read through my the interview and some of the reviews I wrote for the last zine I did, and they all seem so wishy-washy. Total lack of descriptive vocabulary. I wonder if The Pine would oblige to an interview? That'd be pretty cool. I could ask Roger what's up with the voice?, and he'd probably have some funny answer. Tomorrow I'm buying tickets for the Braid reunion. Record Time in Ferndale sells tickets with no service charge, so I'll just end up paying the regular flat price. I wish I had more money; I need to do an Ebullition order, as well as get some stuff from Alone and Prank. I got my Rockets and Bluelights 10" today, and it's really nice. Inspired me to do a cool Indie Rock tape which I'll probably finish during the week. I'm in a kind of tape-making mood...just no one to give a tape to. Oh well. I made one for Josh during the week, and I'm pretty happy with it. bullyrag

010; 12-5-04|8:26p music | Born Again$t So I've been really tired lately. Just reading Murakami and taking long naps...and listening to Born Against's "Rebel Sound of Shit and Failure" LP over and over and over for hours...it's not so bad, but I actually want to go do something. I might go to Colin's tomorrow...or John's...I dunno. Mason or Evan's would be cool, too. I actually want to hang out with Josh Quinn, also. He has a crush on my sister. It'd be great if they went out...but that'll never happen. I want to get some major sewing action in this week, too. And go to Record Time and buy a ticket for the Braid reunion. I found out that the only Braid material still available on vinyl is the "Frame and Canvas" LP, so I don't need to save up so much money for the show. It's their best LP, though. I hope this show is worth the crazy amount of money they're charing (twelve bucks!). All the other bands are the suck. bullyrag

009; 10-5-04|9:37p music | The One AM Radio - The Hum of the Electric Air! 12" Five hour naps, Haruki Murakami and The One AM Radio. Christ I feel good. Tomorrow I think I'm hanging out with Colin. If not, some girl...Elizabeth, one of Jamie's friends, I've never met her...wants to hang out. Sounds cool. Totally scorched my throat on burning hot tofu and rice. Going to do my Japanese homework and hit the sack. bullyrag

008; 8-5-04|10:38p music | Born Again$t This past week has been so good. Actually, the past month has been really good, overall. But specifically this week. Although I didn't hang out with any of my friends except for the kids at the show, I just had a good time at school and at home reading and listening to music and getting things done. I've felt better in the past month than I have in the entire year before, and I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's just good to shed all the bullshit around you every once in a while. It could be the new people I've been meeting, the sheer amount of great vinyl/cassettes/zines/letters/etc I've gotten recently, or maybe just the communication with great people about things we share a great liking for. It's refreshed my belief that Punk Rock isn't just about the clothes you wear. At least not to everyone. I really want to start going to more shows with crucial dudes and crucial ladies. The mediocrity of this city and many of the people who occupy it was dragging me down. I'm really looking forward to the Braid reunion show on the 30th, but I'm thinking since Murder by Death is playing I might run into someone I don't particularly want to see or have anything to do with. But oh well. I'll be enjoying myself too much to care. I'm going with Andy and maybe Josh or Andrew, but the likelyhood of them coming is quite small. Who knows, I may even see Sarah Michals there! That'd be a great treat. I know Jori wants to go, too, but since she doesn't get along with Andy, she won't be going with me. Hopefully they'll play KatyKat, Please Drive Faster and lots of stuff from the Frame and Canvas LP...and hopefully I'll have some money saved up to buy shit. But I digress. Things are going well and just seem to be getting better all the time. Like that Samsung commercial. And I've got a new lady I'm interested in, which is a good thing. $550 loser ♥ bullyrag

007; 8-5-04|3:52a mood | Exhausted&Ecstatic At the show (which was $3, not $5) I met a lot of cool people, and a way cool experience. And good music, but that goes without saying. The Conqueror Worm: This band surprised me. The MP3 I'd heard of their old stuff wasn't so good...but live + new members = different story. Really fast and good chaotic screamy Hardcore in the vein of all those late-90s "Screamo" bands, but not totally unoriginal like most of those were. Tonnes of energy. Spit for Athena: Okay, I wasn't expecting much out of these guys, but the last few, harsher, songs they played were totally killer. First bit was kind of boring, but the second half made up for it. The One AM Radio: All the lights in the basement went off for this. Totally immersive and heartwarming. My sister bought me The Hum of Electric Air! LP and I offered to pay her back, but she refused. She got the CD version for herself. The Sea, The Sea: Before anyone had even played, Tom came up to me and was going to give me their one-sided LP for free, but I had money and wanted to pay him. When they took the floor, so what if half the band was drunk and sloppy? It was still awesome to scream along to the two songs I knew by heart. Before they played the second to last song, Tom gave me a long, embarassing (yet cool) shout-out and invited me up front and centre for trying so hard to make it to the show. Crucial stand-up dude. When I got home and put on The Sea, The Sea's one-sided LP, I found out that the side with the music is the one that was screened, so it doesn't play. Josh'll send me another, though. Sad to see The Sea, The Sea go, but it was a great farewell. bullyrag

006; 6-5-04|6:45p music | Mohinder - Live 7" Looks like Mary is taking me out to dinner and that show tomorrow. Rad! Only downside is that she can't take Greg Z. along. Hopefully Colin and Greg W. can take him if he still wants to go. It's going to be so crucial...The Sea, The Sea's last show + The One AM Radio + The Conqueror Worm + Spit for Athena (gross!) + Josh Quin and Crazzzzy Niki! and the new The Sea, The Sea LP. Woo! Josh is giving me one for no cost until I can pay him for it. bullyrag

005; 5-5-04|8:44p mood | Young 'Til I Die! music | Burned Out Bright - Fourth Song Today was a great day. Late start in school, all easy classes, came home to Mohinder - Transient Sequences: Live 7", The Pine - Homeless Life 7", The Pine - Lead Blocks for Feet LP and Whole World Reads vol. I zine! Jammed all that shit and read the zine. Everything about everything today was DIY-as-fuck. Mohinder 7" was hand-screened, Pine stuff was all hand-screend and typewritten and shit...even the cover of this zine was hand-painted! Makes me think I should do a zine again. I felt so good today I almost went skating for the first time since early 8th grade. But my board is in storage and I didn't feel like looking for it. Instead I just listened to Born Again$t and Against Me! and Defiance, Ohio and all the good Punk & Hardcore records I have. And of course my daily dose of The Pine (every release in chronological order!). Started reading South of the Border, West of the Sun by Murakami. I finally finished A Wild Sheep Chase a few nights ago after neglecting it for months. Something about Haruki just keeps me reading, no matter the time or situation. The Sea, The Sea may or may not be happening. I talked to my friend Greg (a different Greg than before) about going, and he has to ask his father if he can. Most likely not...in that case, I'll have to see what my sister is up to, even though I already know she's going to be busy. Oh well. If I end up not going, I want to see Colin Friday. $250 loser ♥ bullyrag

004.5; 4-5-04|9:35p Greg has work. No show for me. bullyrag

004; 4-5-04|7:49p music | Breakwater - Twelve So...The Sea, The Sea is playing their final show this Friday in Ann Arbour with The One AM Radio, Spit for Athena and The Conqueror Worm for five dollars. This is my last chance to see one of maybe three Michigan-based bands that is at least tolerable...and in The Sea, The Sea's case, fucking amazing. But, of course, I have no ride. No chance whatsoever to get to this last show unless Greg and Colin come through and want to come to the show. I really need them to, because if they can't, I can't go either. Basically, this is the one show I've ever NEEDED to go to. Add on the fact that Josh Quinn is putting it on, and he'll give me a copy of the one-sided LP with hand-sewn/hand-screened fabric packaging and the blank side of the vinyl hand-screened for free until I can give him the money for it, and this becomes the most important show I've ever even heard of. Josh is the crucialest dude ever. But yeah. I need to go to this show. bullyrag

003; 1-5-04|3:57p music | Twelve Hour Turn - Jack Bailey vs. Mt Airy, North Carolina Yesterday John and Thayer picked me up, and we hung out at John's for a while. Andrea and Jori showed up, and eventually Frankie and James. Jori wanted cigarettes so we all had to go up to Gabe's so Thayer could buy some. Lame. When we got back, lots of acoustic guitar was played, with me reluctantly doing death metal growls and playing spoons. It was really stupid/funny. Much shit was talked and much jackassery committed. Andrea and Jori left around 10:00 or so. Afterwards we just kind of hung out, and then went up stairs to watch Dawn of the Dead and fall asleep. Today I wanted to go see Cocoon Life with John, but I guess he'd rather go see The Silhouette. I'd go to hang out with Andrea, John and Jori, but I don't think my ears could stand that painful of a raping. I'm hoping Colin is free to do something, or perhaps Gabe. bullyrag

002; 29-4-04|6:23p mood | Flattered! music | Ettil Vrye - Stolen Shoes in a Pile [ihatemc] This is magical. Kudos to whomever made it. I love the background. In other news, the records I picked up yesterday are wonderful. The Anton Bordman 7" is cool if not simply for the packaging and lyrics. The His Hero is Gone 7" is crucial to any Crust fan. The Silver Mt. Zion double LP is truly a work of art. The Can't Live Without It compilation LP is great to say the least, especially the Botch, Closure, Guyver-One, Breakwater and In/Humanity songs. Tomorrow I was supposed to go play Capture the Flag with Colin, Josh, Gabe and Micah, but now it looks like I'm going to Andrea's and hanging out with her, Jori and maybe John. We'll see. Should be a good time. bullyrag

001; 28-4-04|11:50p music | His Hero is Gone - The Dead of Night 7" Today my sister picked me up and we went record shopping (Anton Bordman 7", His Hero is Gone 7", Silver Mt. Zion 2xLP, I Can't Live Without It comp LP) and out to dinner. Afterwards I drove around the elementary school's parking lot. It was frightening. When I got home I listened to my records and redesigned my journal. The one design was just too bright. Thanks to Branko for the background he's making me. I could've gone to Andrea's to hang out with Jori and John today, but since my sister was coming all the way out here, I couldn't. I really need to give Jori that tape. I put so much effort into it and it'd be a waste to just give it to her in school because it'd fall apart during the day. Tomorrow Gabe is coming over and we're gonna jam some records and maybe watch some Night/Dawn/Day of the Dead or something. bullyrag

Ashtray Monument 28-4-04|9:12a mood | Unrequited music | Jawbreaker I think I've found a way to help with this lack of communication. But I can't really say much about it because nothing is official yet, and I don't want to get my hopes up. I've gotten them up and dashed too many times in the last week or so. And I've sort of given up on it. I guess I'll just go back to the usual nothing...anything is better than the usual nothing. "No one ever said this life was easy...did that no one ever live a life this hard?" Jawbreaker is the best band in the world right now. bullyrag

Anchorless (the small towns that we live and die in) 26-4-04|5:34p mood | Frustrated! music | Braid The more time I spend in this town, the more I begin to loathe it. School, girls, enemies, even my best friends. It just seems like there's no one I can relate to. Whether it's thoughts, feelings, ideas, hobbies, tastes...I never manage to find anyone into the same stuff I am. Well, once...but that was years ago and it's not possible now. It's not that I always think this is a bad thing. I enjoy diversity amongst my peers. Sometimes it's just really fucking lame when many of the people you know would rather be hanging out with samey "in" scene kiddies, or getting high or drunk. It seems like anyone who doesn't follow the "cool" standards is immediately cast off into the loser zone. Even in the supposedly open-minded Punk scene. The kids in this town aren't open-minded. There seem to be so few sweet dudes or sweet ladies in Waterford. And the few that are, the few I want to get to know better, are always busy. Or maybe they just don't want to get to know me. Maybe all this town needs is some sort of Do-It-Yourself scene. Something productive. Maybe a showspace. Maybe not. Maybe just a place where communication and intelligent thought are stressed, and ignorance and blind hatred are unheard of. Free expression. Free thought. Communication. That's it. Communication...but I don't think anyone would be interested. That would involve effort or something. Communication... This city's a curse. [/angst] $250 loser ♥ bullyrag

everyone left you to pick up the pieces of these shattered times... 22-4-04|3:41p mood | sewing music | the shivering - wiresofstormandsong 7" Promise not a threat? Bullshit. You still don't keep your promises. Or maybe now you're just making them for others. Anyway, I can't wait for the weekend. Mainly because I just want a break from school. Hopefully I can do something cool...maybe John's with Jori and Andrea? Maybe a show? Either way, this week has been so fucking exhaustive. Tonnes of homework and school work, especially in Honours. I'm doing really bad in that class. But also it's been pretty cool since I've gotten a lot of cool records lately: Blank/Plunger 7" Clikatat Ikatowi - August 28 + 30, 1995 12" Pine, The - Homeless Life 7" Pine, The - Lead Blocks for Feet 12" Rites of Spring - Self-Titled 12" Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchrstra and Tra-La-La Band - Born Into Trouble as the Sparks Fly Upward 2x10" V/A - The Microwave Says to the Pacemaker 2x7" I think Wolfbrigade is coming soon. Oh shit. $250 loser ♥ bullyrag

...and you're so tough behind your friends! 19-4-04|7:16p music | Rites of Spring - Hain's Point People need to learn to stay out of others' business. And to think before they act. Maybe getting some facts, or views from both sides would be rad, too. Oh well...if you can't be smart, you'd better be tough. bullyrag

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