In the mood to blog's Journal
20 most recent posts

Date:2012-01-01 02:53
Subject:Happy 2012
Security:Public

Wishing 2012 will bring a man I can be passionate with.. Haha

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Date:2011-11-23 02:54
Subject:
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It's slowly killing me

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Date:2011-11-05 04:15
Subject:
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I had a dream about the past
It's a mystery to me how I never had him in my dreams
But with the past, it's always there, in dreamland
Perhaps my subconcious is trying to tell me something
But in contrast whenever I'm awake there's no one else
It's always him

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Date:2011-10-28 21:58
Subject:
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Someone asked me out today...
I said no.
I'm still not ready...
I'm not there yet..
I don't want another karma.
I'm thinking I'll be ready when
I meet the right one.

But then again how do you know..
How can one be sure..
I thought he was the one

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Date:2011-10-22 22:12
Subject:
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I guess I'm really dissapointed in the man he turned out to be..
I keep thinking he wouldn't be swayed
if he didn't want to.. We always have a choice
and he made his.
He could've chosen to stay and work it out
but he didn't.

I truly want him to be happy... But I hope
he finds it in himself and not look for it from
someone else. I hope he can be himself and
not feel the need to pretend to be someone
he's not to gain acceptance.

When we first met I thought he pretended to be the jerk...
I thought it was an act and saw the good in him.
Perhaps my gut is wrong.. Maybe he is really a JERK
and pretended to be nice to be with me.



Sad thing. I would have loved him forever.

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Date:2011-10-21 01:10
Subject:Next chapter
Security:Public

I've allowed myself to have one last cry.

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Date:2011-10-15 02:58
Subject:Where I Wanna Be
Security:Public

I said I left my baby girl a message
Sayin' I won't be coming home
I'd rather be alone
She doesn't fully understand me
That I'd rather leave than to cheat
If she gives me some time
I can be the man she needs
But there's a lot of lust inside of me
And we've been together since our teenage years
I really don't mean to hurt her, but I need some time
To be alone
But when you love someone
You just don't treat them bad
Oh, how I feel so sad
Now that I wanna leave
She's crying her heart to me
How could you let this be?
I just need time to see
Where I wanna be

Never did I imagine
That you would play a major part
In a decision that's so hard
Do I leave, do I stay, do I go?
I think about my life and what matters to me the most
Girl, the love that we share is real
But in time your heart will heal
I'm not saying I'm gone
But I have to find what life is like
Without you

See when you love someone
You just don't treat them bad
Oh, how I feel so sad
Now that I wanna leave
She's crying her heart to me
How could you let this be?
And I just need time to see
Where I wanna be

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Date:2011-10-12 03:25
Subject:
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can't fucking stop thinking about him..

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Date:2011-10-08 23:48
Subject:
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First Thanksgiving without him..
It's worse during the holidays

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Date:2011-10-07 01:26
Subject:
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I feel like sending him a message but Im afraid
He'll just ignore it and would just hurt even more.
Fuckit

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Date:2011-10-05 21:57
Subject:
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i wonder if i ever cross his mind

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Date:2011-10-04 00:56
Subject:
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I am trying my hardest.. still
Not a day goes by that I don't think of him
and what could have been.

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Date:2011-10-02 14:38
Subject:
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Exhausted..
Mentally, Physically, Spritually

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Date:2011-09-28 06:04
Subject:
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Maybe he thought I cried over the damn bag
When I was really crying over the fact that
He got rid of it knowing how much it meant to me..
There are no words..

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Date:2011-09-27 08:37
Subject:
Security:Public
Music:Remind Me- Brad Paisley feat. Carrie Underwood

When would this end?????
I'm so tired of feeling this way.
Everyday is a challenge..

It's amazing how I go back to whenever I go through something painful in my life.
Putting my feelings into words help. It's great, sometimes I reread past entries and I'm
transported back. I hope there is a way to keep my logs forever.. haha

Hey you. I still love you.
You have moved on.
I'm still standing where you left me.

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Date:2011-09-25 13:00
Subject:
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ADELE's 21 is My Breakup Album

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Date:2011-09-25 01:35
Subject:
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because i'd rather feel hurt than not feel anything at all

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Date:2011-09-24 13:17
Subject:Lightbulb
Security:Public
Music:What Do You Want From Me- Jerrod Niemman

I can describe the pain now.

Losing him feels like I lost half of myself...

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Date:2011-09-24 09:22
Subject:Country Girl
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OMG I am so into country music right now that it's not funny!!!!!!!!!!
REMIND ME

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Date:2011-09-22 21:29
Subject:Still
Security:Public

Hurts like hell everytime I think of him.
I lied when I said I just want him to be happy.
Truth is I want him to be happy with ME.

I'm still wallowing.. Grieving over the mess.
I refuse to let anyone in. I'm not ready. I won't give up.
My heart is not there yet.. I give it until the new year..

No I'm not ok

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