Then I fell in love all over again...

It's been over a year since the breakup.
I can honestly say that I have move on
and I am much happier for it.

If I have been honest with my feelings
in the beginning we wouldn't have been "us".
I guess I just wanted to make him happy
thinking I was doing him good but it was the opposite

The only regret is I lost a friend in him.
I think if we were to meet now for the first time
He wouldn't be someone I can see a future with

Next time, no guilty feelings, I will listen to my guts
Trust my intuition, I learned that people learn to care
for someone but loving someone cannot be learned.
You love them or you don't.

Wishing 2012 will bring a man I can be passionate with.. Haha

HE is coming to visit from Japan
In 3 weeks time
It's funny how everything comes full circle
Duc came along when I was getting over HIM
Now it's HIS turn to help me get over my first love

HE was my bestfriend before Duc
Im glad we stayed friends

I miss the days when I count the days
til my flight back home..
He didn't seem to know that home means him..
I don't care much for this coming Xmas holidays
It's my first Xmas in 5 yrs without him by my side.

It's slowly killing me

It's getting easier to get out of the bed
The pain I get in my stomach whenever
you cross my mind's slowly fading
I still miss you
I miss my bestfriend :(

My sister asked me if I can do it all over again
Would I still have gone out with him
I said yes.
I almost choked in pain

I had a dream about the past
It's a mystery to me how I never had him in my dreams
But with the past, it's always there, in dreamland
Perhaps my subconcious is trying to tell me something
But in contrast whenever I'm awake there's no one else
It's always him

Someone asked me out today...
I said no.
I'm still not ready...
I'm not there yet..
I don't want another karma.
I'm thinking I'll be ready when
I meet the right one.

But then again how do you know..
How can one be sure..
I thought he was the one

I guess I'm really dissapointed in the man he turned out to be..
I keep thinking he wouldn't be swayed
if he didn't want to.. We always have a choice
and he made his.
He could've chosen to stay and work it out
but he didn't.

I truly want him to be happy... But I hope
he finds it in himself and not look for it from
someone else. I hope he can be himself and
not feel the need to pretend to be someone
he's not to gain acceptance.

When we first met I thought he pretended to be the jerk...
I thought it was an act and saw the good in him.
Perhaps my gut is wrong.. Maybe he is really a JERK
and pretended to be nice to be with me.



Sad thing. I would have loved him forever.

I've allowed myself to have one last cry.

I said I left my baby girl a message
Sayin' I won't be coming home
I'd rather be alone
She doesn't fully understand me
That I'd rather leave than to cheat
If she gives me some time
I can be the man she needs
But there's a lot of lust inside of me
And we've been together since our teenage years
I really don't mean to hurt her, but I need some time
To be alone
But when you love someone
You just don't treat them bad
Oh, how I feel so sad
Now that I wanna leave
She's crying her heart to me
How could you let this be?
I just need time to see
Where I wanna be

Never did I imagine
That you would play a major part
In a decision that's so hard
Do I leave, do I stay, do I go?
I think about my life and what matters to me the most
Girl, the love that we share is real
But in time your heart will heal
I'm not saying I'm gone
But I have to find what life is like
Without you

See when you love someone
You just don't treat them bad
Oh, how I feel so sad
Now that I wanna leave
She's crying her heart to me
How could you let this be?
And I just need time to see
Where I wanna be

can't fucking stop thinking about him..

First Thanksgiving without him..
It's worse during the holidays

I feel like sending him a message but Im afraid
He'll just ignore it and would just hurt even more.
Fuckit

i wonder if i ever cross his mind

I am trying my hardest.. still
Not a day goes by that I don't think of him
and what could have been.

Exhausted..
Mentally, Physically, Spritually

Maybe he thought I cried over the damn bag
When I was really crying over the fact that
He got rid of it knowing how much it meant to me..
There are no words..

When would this end?????
I'm so tired of feeling this way.
Everyday is a challenge..

It's amazing how I go back to whenever I go through something painful in my life.
Putting my feelings into words help. It's great, sometimes I reread past entries and I'm
transported back. I hope there is a way to keep my logs forever.. haha

Hey you. I still love you.
You have moved on.
I'm still standing where you left me.