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Thursday, October 30th, 2003
7:15 pm - Not Here...But There...
xxx_bloody_jizz_titz_xxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:55:43): Tanya are you okay?
xxxpunk_lovexxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:55:58): Yeah.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:56:03): Why?
xxxpunk_lovexxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:56:05): LoL.
xxx_bloody_jizz_titz_xxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:56:33): you just don't seem to happy anymore
xxxpunk_lovexxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:56:48): Really?
xxxpunk_lovexxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:56:49): How so?
xxx_bloody_jizz_titz_xxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:57:14): cause your never talkative as before when i see ya
xxx_bloody_jizz_titz_xxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:57:16): really
xxxpunk_lovexxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:57:39): I don't know...
xxx_bloody_jizz_titz_xxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:57:48): hmmm
xxx_bloody_jizz_titz_xxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:57:50): maybe im on crack
xxx_bloody_jizz_titz_xxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:57:54): i dunno
xxxpunk_lovexxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:57:54): LoL.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:58:28): *shrugs*
xxxpunk_lovexxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:58:34): Did i do something wrong? LoL.
xxx_bloody_jizz_titz_xxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:58:57): no you didn't
xxx_bloody_jizz_titz_xxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:59:03): Don't think that
xxxpunk_lovexxx (¿ÀÈÄ 12:59:14): Okay.

xxxpunk_lovexxx: Everyone on my list keeps saying i've been acting different.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Does it seem like i am?
clone9999999: youre quieter and zoned out a bit
clone9999999: not as sassy as normal
xxxpunk_lovexxx: OMG..that's what people have been saying..that i don't talk anymore.
clone9999999: yeah, are you ok and stuff?
xxxpunk_lovexxx: I think so?
xxxpunk_lovexxx: And when i come into chat, people are like, hello? okay you are in your own little world.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Bleh.
clone9999999: hmm
clone9999999: yeah you seem quieter definately

Hmm..I have no idea. People in chat keeps saying i'm zoning out or i'm in my own little world even when i get on webcam they can tell that i'm zoning out. How weird...I seriously don't feel like myself anymore. I don't know why? Who knows. Too bad this headache won't go away. It's giving me bonkers.

current mood: blank
current music: Aqualung - Strange And Beautiful (I'll Put A Spell On You)

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Saturday, October 25th, 2003
5:42 am - If I'm Just Bad News...Then You're A Liar.
Well I had fun last night. Went to Rocky Point with a few chatters from Yahoo. Yup..got to meet..Timmay, Key Baby, 80's Queen, and i already met Viper, Britt, Eric, and James. Yup Yup. Bleh. Was a fun night.
I can't believe I Haven't been to school...Oh wells..It's just like last year..dropped out Oct. Anyways..
I'm just so blah at the moment. I was supose to hang out with Brent but i got home around 3:30ish this morning. So i called him..and i don't know.
Hmm..so i'm just writing more poems..I actually feel good about myself..

urickerr: wow i have never had anyone say exactly what i have felt in my life. thats awsome

Just what he wrote makes me feel like i have accomplished something..like someone actually knows my feeling.

current mood: rejected
current music: The All-American Rejects - One More Sad Song

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Thursday, October 23rd, 2003
11:26 pm
My fuckin' hell....people are just so damn rude..i can't believe i still cry about this...

bettazinq: hey
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Hi.
bettazinq: whats up
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Nothing you?
bettazinq: nothing
bettazinq: hows your dead baby
bettazinq: big joke
bettazinq: how are you
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Dude you are fucked up.
bettazinq: why?
xxxpunk_lovexxx: bettazinq: hows your dead baby
xxxpunk_lovexxx: That's fucked up.

It seriously hurts when people joke around about it or bring it up....gawd why can't someone just fuckin' shoot me already? I seriously feel like going back to my old ways...I don't know..i can't fuckin' help it. I think i need serious help. Who knows.

current mood: sad
current music: Taking Back Sunday - You're So Last Summer

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Monday, August 25th, 2003
1:22 pm - School Blows.
Well....today was first day of school. UGH!!! I fuckin' HATED it. I never want to go back. I just fuckin' hate everyone. Gawd. Fuckin' lady told me to take my piercings out and i was like okay. And she was like, RIGHT NOW. And i'm like in my head, FUCK lady do you want me to do it like you fuckin' watching or can i just go to the fuckin' bathroom then later put it back in. So i just went home because she made me. Just over stupid fuckin' piercings. I swear..my school are fuckin' nazi's. My dad won't stop yelling at me. He's all like blah blah blah i wasted money on you to go to school and all this other shit. And i'm just like WTF? And yeah..of course nothing new. Got in a fight with him just a bit ago. Fuckin' over my school books. And i was like well i'll just go to Mountain High and he's like blah blah blah they won't let you go and we already tried and i was like well i'm still going to try and you weren't trying harder and i even told him to stop yelling at me but he just keeps doing it. And i was like gawd what is your point? And he's like you are my point and i was like why don't you just fuckin' get rid of me then. I know that's what he fuckin' wants since he says i fuckin' embarrest him and all this shit and fuckin' calling me a whore and shit. I seriously CAN'T STAND my dad anymore. He drives me mad. And i'm just in a lot of pain i fuckin' hate everything and everyone. Gawd..it's like he fuckin' gives up easy on me. Doesn't even care....anything about me and what i do. And he won't fuckin' listen to what i have to fuckin' say. Gawd and i miss my grandma soOoooOo much. I wish she was still here.
Fuck i just wanna move to Africa or fuckin' some place where they have piercings. Gawd that fuckin' lady in the office pisses me off. I'm fuckin' serious. It's just like saying, oOOooo you are such a fag, we don't allow gay people here so you have to leave. Fuckin' bull shit i tell ya.

current mood: depressed

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Tuesday, August 5th, 2003
2:27 am - Should I?
metalmouth420 (12:27:27 AM): whats up
metalmouth420 (12:27:35 AM): too much shit for me too handle... lol
metalmouth420 (12:28:15 AM): r u mad at me??
metalmouth420 (12:34:50 AM): allright i see how it is, just ignore me
metalmouth420 (12:38:54 AM): r u mad at me? i have to get up at 6 to go to work so i dont have long online
metalmouth420 (12:40:22 AM): all right im going to bed
metalmouth420 (12:40:45 AM): good night and thanx for talking to me, i reall wanted to see u
metalmouth420 (12:40:46 AM): lol
metalmouth420 (12:40:48 AM): bye

Ugh...i wanted to call him back that day..but i didn't. I don't know. I wonder if I should call him at 5am or something? Or maybe e-mail him? Gawd..I don't know. Because i do like him. But yeah..grrr...life is confusing!!

current mood: sleepy
current music: Eve 6 - Think Twice

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Monday, August 4th, 2003
5:01 am - I Hate Him So Fuckin' Much, It Hurts....
I'm tired of him. I like him so much....but he's using me for sex. It hurts so fuckin' much. After he left, i just couldn't help but cry. He crushed my heart. I can't even feel the knife cutting the arms. It just feels so good to cut again. Doesn't even hurt when you are hurt inside.
I wish Jase was online. I fuckin' like him so much. Walter just wants sex i know that's all. I told him i was leaving next month...he didn't care....I'm waiting to tell Jase. I think i'll e-mail him? I don't know. I seriously hate Walter...i hope he dies or something. Fuckin' karma will get back..I think this is my karma...my ex was right..

current mood: sad
current music: Brand New - The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

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Friday, August 1st, 2003
2:25 am - UGH...Retarded People At It Again.
aphex_twin1978: Who the fuck is Brand New?
aphex_twin1978: Aarent they a shitty poppy punk band
xxxpunk_lovexxx: No.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Why do you care?
aphex_twin1978: I was just wonderin thats all why the negative?
xxxpunk_lovexxx: I have their 1st album. And they have some really smart lyrics.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You were bringing all the negative.
aphex_twin1978: no no no I was just askin if they were a poppy punk or what I meant nothing by it Im sorry
xxxpunk_lovexxx: They aren't Punk.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Dude.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Don't talk to me if you are going to say lame shit about bands like that you have never heard of.
aphex_twin1978: thats why I was askin I confused them for someone else
aphex_twin1978: I wasnt shit talkin anything
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Yes you were.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You said..aren't they a shitty poppy punk band.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Shit talking there.
aphex_twin1978: I said arent they as in asking if they were I never stated that they WERE I asked if they were poppy punk thats all
aphex_twin1978: Its just that I added shitty to my words
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You didn't put a question mark.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Looked like you did stated it.
aphex_twin1978: that doesnt mean it wasnt a question I normally dont add punctation marks
aphex_twin1978: I never shit talk a band unless Im sure who they are
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Then how the fuck am i supose to know if you are asking me a fuckin' question?
aphex_twin1978: normally I just give an oipinion Ill never be little someone for listening to something thyey like its not like me
aphex_twin1978: this is why I explained it so you wouldnt think I was shit talking your band
xxxpunk_lovexxx: I wasn't even asking for your fuckin' opinion.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: If i wanted to ask.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: I would have fuckin' PMed you and asked for it.
aphex_twin1978: WOW
aphex_twin1978: I wasn't offering an opinion I was asking whpo they were
xxxpunk_lovexxx: No you weren't.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You were stating what they were, but they aren't that.
aphex_twin1978: Yeah I was I think I know what Im telling someone
xxxpunk_lovexxx: No you don't.
aphex_twin1978: I asked if They were
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You haven't heard of Brand New.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: NO you didn't.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You were stating.
aphex_twin1978: I was not I said "Arent they a shitty punk band"
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Yeah, that wasn't a question.
aphex_twin1978: When do you use the word arent at the beginning unless its a question
aphex_twin1978: Im sorry I forgot the ??
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Some people don't use it as a question, they would like be, yeah arent' we gonna get that.
aphex_twin1978: I didnt make the comment to shit talk
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Think before you type.
aphex_twin1978: Arent we gonna get that thats a quesiton Tanya
xxxpunk_lovexxx: No, because you can be like, aren't we going to get and put a wink face.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Dude, me and my friends joke around with the word arent, and its' not just a question word you use in the beginnging.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: harvestedey3s said she'll eat your soul.
aphex_twin1978: ummm sure
aphex_twin1978: anywho is something bothering you you normally arent this snappy unless yer pissed so whats up
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Why don't you fuckin' fuck off, if i wanted to ask you anything, i would have asked already.

current mood: pissed off
current music: 3 Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You

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Wednesday, July 30th, 2003
7:32 am - This Isn't Real, Is It?
I'm like...i don't know...really shocked..i think i'm dreaming..seems like it..but i don't know!!! @#%!!
Well..my Aunt just called me a few mins ago..told me that my dad is going to divorce my mum..and like..my brother is going to live in West Virginia with my dad's parents..and i'm going to go with my dad to Bahrain..i don't know? Is this really real? Is she just joking with me? I'm confused. I don't know what is really going on. Someone pinch me please so i know that i'm dreaming this.

current mood: shocked
current music: Janes Addiction - Just Because

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Monday, July 28th, 2003
8:58 pm - I Get What Life Is All About Now...
Ugh. I feel way sick. Like today....doing the dishes made me wanna puke. I don't know why. Then on tv had some shit about Wionna Ryder. I used to like her. Thought she was a good actress. After hearing about her shop lifting..ugh..yeah right, Stupid bitch, you make fuckin' tons of money and you gotta shop lift. Very fuckin' lame.
Um...i finally got ice cream last night. LoL. Went to Dee's in Ogden.
oOoOo and i finally got my chinese food. Yay!! Noodles..Fried Rice...with orange chicken..mmm...so good...well then..i'm home alone...again..blah..I need friends..so people can come over..
Oh! That girl...Maria i think her name is..fuckin' slut won't stop calling the house....I wish my brother would like...not give our # away to fuckin' little bitches that are gonna call at 7am.
It looks so nice outside. I still can't believe that Jenny is going to school in Washington. Shit..i am seriously going to miss her. She was one of my first friends. HAHA. I remember everything. Was in Biology class. I had this pin..it was in kanji and it says "shit", and she asked me what that said and we just started to talk. Then that's how i met Marisol and then Angela..i miss that girl..i heard she was pregnant but i have no clue. I seriously miss hanging out everyone. OH, i remember how Amanda Burdick spread rumors about me..and i didn't even live in Utah. She was scared that i would take her friends away from her....i just didn't like the rumors she spread, so yeah..no wonder people at school gave me dirty looks..they didn't even know shit about me..just because Amanda was jealous. UGH. But it was true. I did take her friends away. Maybe if Amanda quit talking about her self so much and get a damn life and get to know peoples feelings. Then she'll have more friends. It's not my fault that her friends liked me. Shit..you should see how Amanda treats her friends. It's really lame though...she'll just talk about herself 24/7. Pisses me off. Her mum is like that too.
Oh...and i remember how Maria was my friend..then when i got back from West Virginia for my Junior year..she just didn't talk to me or anything. I hate how people just change on you, hate you for nothing. It's weird. I don't know what her fuckin' problem is. That bitch even spread rumors about me. Like..the only real friends i had..that weren't fake and were actually your friend were the people i knew in Cali...gawd i miss California. Everyone was real. If they have something to say, they will tell you. But here and the base in Japan. People act so fuckin' fake. They are like, oh yeah we are fuckin' best friends. Then they go and talk shit on you. Fuckin' insane. I remember, when i was moving to Utah from Japan. Yeah..i seriously found out who my real friends were. Crazy stuff. For the people still in Japan..on Yokota AB, i hope they die from a bomb or something. They are nothing but snotty bitches..grr...pisses me off. People only liked me because i was on the Soccer team. Teachers started to like me. I noticed...that..if you don't play any sports..They see you as a nobody. Like you have no life. But high school isnt' just about fuckin' sports. I think it's all about learning about peoples skills, see who you can put up with, and to get your fuckin' education, they want to see if you are weak..if you are weak..you drop out..and i made a mistake, took me all this time to realize. I know what i want to do with my life after High School...and plus..school is a joke..nothing but drama..but you know what..you just have to learn how to ignore it..just block it out..block anything you don't like. Like..the computer nerds at school..of course i don't pick on them..i actually talk to them, because they are actually rad people. Just because they don't play sports..atlest they know what they are doing..and will get a good life after school. Most jocks...think they will go PRO, like you will see them on NFL, no..not really..more than half of them, will be plumping my toliet..or bagging my food, or watering my grass. You know why, because they don't care about education, they just want to be rich and famous, yeah right!!! Like that will happen. I think it's by luck if you become rich and famous. It's all about..being at the right place at the right time.
But i have really learned a lot. If someone you like doesn't like you like that. Who fuckin' cares...Just live your life, because it's their lost. They lost a wonderful person that could have been a part of their life. If you don't get the job you want, go for it, don't be lazy and cry about it...seriously...keep bugging them till they see that.." oh, she really wants the job, i like that" They will hire you because they know that you really want it. I just think if you work hard, know what you want, you'll get it. You shouldn't let little things get to you. Should just ignore it. Because you are better than that.
Shit, i'm glad i learn from my mistakes.
Anyways..i'm stuck in utah chat...

current mood: sick
current music: Explosions in the Sky - Magic Hours

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Sunday, July 27th, 2003
11:15 pm - Boys Lie.
Sick sick sick..i feel really sick...like..grrr...i kept puking and it's just sick..i was even puking up water..but anyways....He fuckin' lied to me. UGH. I hate guys seriously. He said he was busy working this weekend, and i see him get online. What the fuck??! Ugh. I hope he dies. Well i should be getting ready..my friend Matt wants to go racing...

current mood: sick
current music: Duncan Sheik - On A High

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Friday, July 25th, 2003
5:57 pm - Three Words....~Fake.Trendy.Bitch~
Let me see.....my period still hasn't start yet because of everything. Everything has been stressing me..i've been real moody towards people. Blah.
Micah called me a trendy bitch..and a fake bitch..same with Greg. Like...ewww...Greg is so gross looking!!! I swear! Like so nasty..*barf*
Let me see...i think it was Wednesday night..i got really drunk, my cousin was over. Tanner was over....and Walter came over. Steve and Robert said i was being mean to Walter. *shrugs* I really don't remember. I just know that i got in a fight with some kid. And i was wrestling with my cousin.
Um...yesterday Ben said that he was gonna kick my ass and get his girlfriend on me. I want to see that happen.
I should be cleaning my room..but i just feel really tired...and like..everytime i eat..i feel like puking..and my stomach hurts..i think i got food posion or something.
I'm still having those dreams. Blah. They need to go away. I think i found like 30 different ways of dying and what not.
I need to quit drinking. LoL. But i know it's not gonna happen. Most likely when i turn 21.
Stupid Utah. People here are so fuckin' racist. I hate this state. Then again. I hate West Virginia. I wanna go to West Virginia next month. My aunt is having a wedding. I have never been to one. Should be interesting. Yeah..it's weird...i've been to way too many funerals for the last two years.
Umm...my aunt Lisa is a cunt. She gave up her son for adoption and my grandparents adopted him. Ummm...shes' not with Mark anymore. Thank gawd..he's a stupid hick, and i hate their daughter. She's a fuckin' brat. GRR..i can't stand that child!! She makes me go crazy.
And why is the only person that actually makes me happy is Mackenize? I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Seriously...everyone else online..is just so blah..they are really dull..i have nothing to talk about with them. Then my friends are like..i don't know. Aren't my friends? Now the phone is ringing..grr. oOoO!! It was for my brother!! HAHA i just put the phone back down. Stupid twat. Anyways.
I think i should go clean.

current mood: tired
current music: Oxymoron - Dirty Punk

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Wednesday, July 23rd, 2003
8:42 pm - Cunt.
nikkishade2004: what are u
xxxpunk_lovexxx: What are you?
nikkishade2004: im a girl
nikkishade2004: what are u
xxxpunk_lovexxx: What do you fuckin' think???
nikkishade2004: dont get nasty
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Don't be a retard.
nikkishade2004: im not a retard
nikkishade2004: u claim ur a punk
xxxpunk_lovexxx: When did i claim to be punk?
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Woah, you are really dumb.
nikkishade2004: ya
nikkishade2004: u fuck
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You dumb fuck.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Stupid girl.
nikkishade2004: u think ur all cool
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You think you are all hard.
nikkishade2004: i know im hard
nikkishade2004: i have the shit to prove it
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You aren't.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You are shit.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Prove it pussy.
nikkishade2004: i dont fight people who arent white
nikkishade2004: its a waste of my time
xxxpunk_lovexxx: What are you?
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Black?
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Nicka.
nikkishade2004: 2nd class
nikkishade2004: nope im white
xxxpunk_lovexxx: What's 2nd class?
nikkishade2004: u
xxxpunk_lovexxx: I'm white you dumb fuck.
nikkishade2004: ya right
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Quit talking shit and come over you dumb cunt.
nikkishade2004: lol
nikkishade2004: ur the one
xxxpunk_lovexxx: 36 East 1770 North
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Layton
nikkishade2004: ur some asian bitch
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Since you think you are all hard.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: And you are a honkey.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Your point?
nikkishade2004: ur not white
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Stupid trailer park white trash.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You are dumb
nikkishade2004: u dont belong here
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You claim to be white.
nikkishade2004: i am white
nikkishade2004: muther fuckin kkk
nikkishade2004: bitch
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You are 2nd class? Yeah right, you stupid honkey, you crackers are fuckin' dumb.
nikkishade2004: haha
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Have to buy shit from other countries because you are a dumb cracker.
nikkishade2004: umm u seem to be enjoying what us white americans built
xxxpunk_lovexxx: What did you guys built?
nikkishade2004: this contry
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You guys didn't build anything.
nikkishade2004: the land
xxxpunk_lovexxx: This isn't the land of the free.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Freedom of speech.
nikkishade2004: no
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You don't get that.
nikkishade2004: its not free
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You guys killed the Native American Indians.
nikkishade2004: u have to earn what u get
xxxpunk_lovexxx: And you are proud of that?
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You stupid honkey.
nikkishade2004: no
nikkishade2004: im not proud of that
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Before you start talking...back up your word.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Because i am right.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Yes you are, you said you were white, stupid twat.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You are proud of taking over this land from other people.
nikkishade2004: i white
xxxpunk_lovexxx: I claim nothing.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Dumb bitch.
nikkishade2004: but i have blackfoot in me
nikkishade2004: u dont
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Learn to back up your words.
nikkishade2004: u didnt earn this
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Earn what?
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You can't even fuckin' type.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You dumb cracker.
nikkishade2004: yes i can
xxxpunk_lovexxx: I'm 1st class.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You are like low class.
nikkishade2004: first class
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Fuckin' trailer park white trash.
nikkishade2004: ya right
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Quit talking shit, you said you were hard, come over and bring it twat.
nikkishade2004: damn strait im proud of my color
nikkishade2004: u bring it
nikkishade2004: u had to go tell ur friend
nikkishade2004: ohhh im afraid
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Yeah because you are dumb.
nikkishade2004: no
xxxpunk_lovexxx: White isn't a color you dumb fuck.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: It's a shade.
nikkishade2004: cause ur a pussy
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Learn something you pussy.
nikkishade2004: haha
nikkishade2004: stupid asian bitch
xxxpunk_lovexxx: HAHAH stupid honkey.
nikkishade2004: peace
nikkishade2004: yes
nikkishade2004: i am
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You are a pussy.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: I gave you my address.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You better show up.
nikkishade2004: fuckin proud of who i am
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You dumb twat.
nikkishade2004: no
xxxpunk_lovexxx: No you aren't.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Because you are fuckin' KKK.
nikkishade2004: i dont need to prove nothin
xxxpunk_lovexxx: I'll kill you you fuckin' dumb shit.
nikkishade2004: no shit
nikkishade2004: my family is kkk
nikkishade2004: rrrrrr
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You said you could prove it. Prove that you are hard.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You are nothing but shit.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Because you can't back it up.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You dumb Utah hick.
nikkishade2004: peace out
xxxpunk_lovexxx: HAHA.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: PUSSY!!!!
nikkishade2004: i have one
xxxpunk_lovexxx: PUSSY!!!!
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You can't back it up.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You dumb twat.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: Learn to talk shit and fight.
xxxpunk_lovexxx: You'll learn something you dumb cunt.

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Saturday, July 19th, 2003
6:29 pm - A Week And What??!
Well then..I've been really stressed. I have never ever in my life been this stressed. It's like the feeling..where you have that huge ass headache..and you feel like stabbing yourself with a windex bottle and go fuckin' crazy just wanna jump off a freeway bridge and kill yourself. Well that's how my feelings are.
Anyways..my bro had a party..this was a weekend ago i think? My fuckin' hell..I was really pissed off! There was a fight in the garage..blood everywhere!! On the fuckin' ground and car. Hell yeah i was pissed! I was yelling at everyone and yelled at Ben to leave. Gawd i hate that focker. GRRR...So then..Mawl(Bryan) was over...I think he just walked in my house or something..I was in my room..cleaning and getting ready, heard this loud knock on my door so yeah..pretty weird..he fuckin' pisses me off..damn tweakers!! Yeah...he's a tweaker..and i told him to leave my house..and he was like..no suck my dick. =\ WTF?!?!? My fuckin' house! You don't do shit like that..very fuckin' disrespectful..GRRR..I hate people..why can't everyone just fuckin' die?!?! Took him fuckin' forever to leave! Then..I met Thomas...ugh..the whole saying.."i'm not like every guy" "i just don't want to get in your pants"...BULLSHiT!! He was all fuckin' saying.."come lay with me" and i was like..no..I'm fine sitting thanks..and he was all touching my hand! and my thigh, my fuckin' hell!! I hate people like that! I just can't stand to be touched. It just annoys me! My dear gawd! He's really fugly too..I'm usually nice..but hell..if you go and try to touch me..i'll be mean..i didn't like the fact that he was being all so blah i guess? He looks like a fuckin' bird or something...dresses funny too..HAHAH anyways...
Lately..i've been acting like a straight up fuckin' cunt. I can't help it! I've been really stressed so yeah..i've been pissy towards everyone. ECK! I can't help it. My parents need to come home soon..

current mood: stressed
current music: Senses Fail - Bloody Romance

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Monday, July 14th, 2003
11:11 pm - Live Journal
Here's what the fuckin' cunt wrote in her LJ, This was like the first week of July.

What happened Wednesday and Thursday

Okay, so, this is what happened. I wrote this out before, but it got lost.

Okay, so, I went to Tanya's house, finally, and this is what happened. I'm so pissed, I tried to wright this when I was at Tanya's but her computer dosent like LiveJournal, apperantly.

Okay, Gina drove me up there, because her and her sons were going to Farmington's. So, We got a little lost on the way, but she called Tanya and she told us how to get there. So, we pulled up and Tanya cam out of her house, and she looked so fucking hot in a long black skirt, a green tee, and black wannabe Converses, her hair was gelled up in the back, and the front was sprayed down to fram her face. She's the cutest asian girl I've ever seen. ^_^
We walked to the mall after a while, and we ate there and went in a couple stores. Then we walked home, and we got on her computer. Well, she got on the computer, and I made a couple guest apearances on her webcam, either sitting in her lap, or looking over her shoulder. A guy she was talking to told us we looked cute together, of corse! ~_^ So, then another guy asked us to make out, on cam, of corse, so we did. If we wern't on cam, I probably would have dared to do a lot more. *Hint, hint* But, I have to say, she has to be one of the best kissers in the world. After a while she got a headache and went to go lay down, and a little while later I went to go lay down with her, us both facing the window that her bed was up against, with my arms around her, and her holding my hand, my face barely an inch from her neck, so I could almost taste the way she smelled. Oh, god! The way she smelled! I can't even describe! She smells so beautiful and heavenly! I would have kissed her, I was so tempted. She was so beautiful! The way the Sun came through the window and highlighted her face, her hair, bounced off her nose ring and her lip piercing. At the moment I could have swarn I loved her. But, I had a few thoughts, and with much effort, I restrained myself. Besides, the phone rang, and her friend called to see if we were going to meet him later. So she got up and got dressed, she pulled her pants up under her skirt, but she took off her shirt and bra in front of me though. I'm NOT desribing *them* to you! All I'm saying is...YUM! *Licks lips, meows hintingly* Then, she got her Mom to drive us to "the apartments" to hang with her friends.

I have to go eat, if I don't, I'll faint and get really sick.
I'll finish this later. I think I'm gettting a fever again.

current mood: angry
current music: Homegrown - She's Anti

(1 comment | comment on this)

3:41 pm - So Freaked Out..
ace_of_spades801 (3:15:06 PM): so. lance called
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:15:11 PM): Called you?
ace_of_spades801 (3:15:26 PM): he said he climbed up to your window above the garage
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:15:31 PM): Omg.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:15:32 PM): He did??
ace_of_spades801 (3:15:36 PM): yea
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:15:40 PM): No way.
ace_of_spades801 (3:16:11 PM): he said he saw you, and then he clombed back down and you were gone
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:16:16 PM): Oh.
ace_of_spades801 (3:16:18 PM): climbed*
ace_of_spades801 (3:17:09 PM): then like i said, he started trying to be "all that" and said you didnt have that great of a body
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:17:20 PM): He couldn't see.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:17:25 PM): i was waiting windbreakers.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:17:29 PM): I was lounging around.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:17:29 PM):
ace_of_spades801 (3:17:34 PM): i told him you sent me a pic of you nude and that your body was hot
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:17:39 PM): LMAO.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:17:53 PM): You sure he climbed up my window?
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:17:57 PM): I don't think he did.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:18:00 PM): I think he's lying.
ace_of_spades801 (3:18:19 PM): he got all pissed off, and said that he was too good for you what a fucking idiot
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:18:25 PM): LMAO.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:18:27 PM): HAHA.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:18:30 PM): That's way funny.
ace_of_spades801 (3:18:51 PM): he said the first time, he walked by and saw you, then like a few minutes later he climbed up to your window
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:19:13 PM): Why the fuck did he climb up my window?
ace_of_spades801 (3:19:30 PM): he said when he climbed up to your window, you were gone
ace_of_spades801 (3:19:38 PM): cause hes a nut
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:19:43 PM): OMG....
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:19:47 PM): I'm just like scared now.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:19:47 PM):
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:19:52 PM): I can't believe he called up my window.
ace_of_spades801 (3:19:57 PM): your better off meeting me
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:19:58 PM): Do you know how freaked out i am?
ace_of_spades801 (3:20:16 PM): dont worry, he wont pursue you anymore
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:20:20 PM): You sure?
ace_of_spades801 (3:20:25 PM): i know him better than that
ace_of_spades801 (3:20:28 PM): yes
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:20:38 PM): Then why the fuck did he climb up my window though?
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:20:39 PM):
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:20:43 PM): Dude, i'm freaked out.
ace_of_spades801 (3:21:16 PM): since you stood him up, he thinks your nothing, and he thinks hes all that. he even said he needed a piece of ass
ace_of_spades801 (3:21:26 PM): i told you
ace_of_spades801 (3:21:28 PM): |
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:21:37 PM):
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:21:38 PM): HAHA.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:21:43 PM): I wasn't even gonna give him any.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:21:56 PM): You know i'm better than that.
ace_of_spades801 (3:21:58 PM): dont sweat it, he wont come around there again
ace_of_spades801 (3:22:04 PM): i know you are
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:22:05 PM): Gawd i hope not.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:22:10 PM): You can even ask Jen.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:22:13 PM): Jen knows me well.
ace_of_spades801 (3:22:25 PM): i dont talk to jen anymore
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:22:29 PM): oOo. Why not?
ace_of_spades801 (3:22:34 PM): but i know ya well enough
ace_of_spades801 (3:22:49 PM): why not? cause she never speaks to me
ace_of_spades801 (3:22:53 PM):
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:22:58 PM): LoL.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:23:00 PM): Kay.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:23:03 PM): Gawd i'm so freaked out.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:23:07 PM): You sure he climbed up my window?
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:23:19 PM): I think i would have heard him.
ace_of_spades801 (3:23:39 PM): well, i honestely believe he did
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:23:54 PM): WTF/
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:23:57 PM): But why?!?1
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:24:06 PM): You don't do something like that.
ace_of_spades801 (3:24:14 PM): so he could see you up close and personal
ace_of_spades801 (3:25:00 PM): he said he was gonna knock on the window, but was afraid that your brother might be in there
ace_of_spades801 (3:25:16 PM): lance=TOTAL FLAKE
ace_of_spades801 (3:25:39 PM): he needs to grow up
ace_of_spades801 (3:26:27 PM): ya there?
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:27:09 PM): Yeah i went downstairs to get some water.
ace_of_spades801 (3:27:46 PM): ahh
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:27:51 PM): My brother and his friend went outside though.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:28:00 PM): Because they said that someone parked on the side of the house.
ace_of_spades801 (3:28:04 PM): last night?
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:28:06 PM): Yeah.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:28:08 PM): Remember?
ace_of_spades801 (3:28:11 PM):
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:28:15 PM): When i was talking to my brother.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:28:25 PM): So they closed the garage door.
ace_of_spades801 (3:29:33 PM): good
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:30:04 PM): What an ass.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:30:09 PM): Don't i get my privacy?
ace_of_spades801 (3:30:12 PM): i'm sorry, i shouldnt have even called yo last night
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:30:15 PM): You don't fuckin' climb up a window.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:30:20 PM): Why?
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:30:22 PM): Don't be sorry.
ace_of_spades801 (3:30:32 PM): cause he ended up talking to you
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:30:38 PM): oOO that time!
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:30:44 PM): I thought he ment the 2nd time when you called.
ace_of_spades801 (3:30:48 PM): yes, last night
ace_of_spades801 (3:31:02 PM): oh no, i enjoy talking to you
ace_of_spades801 (3:31:15 PM):
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:31:18 PM):
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:31:23 PM): Man..i'm still freaked out.
ace_of_spades801 (3:31:33 PM): dont sweat it
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:31:40 PM): That's just scary.
xxxpunk_lovexxx (3:31:44 PM): Knowning someone was at your window.
ace_of_spades801 (3:31:50 PM): well, its over

current mood: uncomfortable
current music: One Man Army - All Your Friends

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12:27 am - On This World...Somebody Kill Me...
Today was a bit interesting...or should i say *Sunday* was a bit interesting. I met this guy...he came down from Provo. Yeah...Mike(emo kid) is pretty rad. I have nothing really to say about him...he's just really rad..someone to have as a friend.
Well then..tomorrow we are having another party...for Tanner. =) It's his birthday party. *cough cough* Happy Early B-Day Tanner. ^----^*
oOoOoOo!!! Walter called me today..*blushes*...yeah i was way happy! ^^ Thought he forgot about me or something...last night i talked to him was a few days before 4th of July..he was heading to California to visit home...yeah..and he called me today..saying that he was heading home to Utah. HEHEE...i was way happy though!! ^^ I told him to come over tomorrow night for the party..yeah i hope he does come...he said if he couldn't..we'll hang out on Wednesday..OoOo and he asked if i wanted a Pennywise sticker. =) He's so nice..i like him...He even gave me the Get Up Kids pin the first time we met. Like man...i can't find words to describe him...he's like a "perfect" guy in a weird way....well Jase is perfect to me too. ^^ But yeah..he better call me tomorrow like he said he would. =)
Oh yeah..forgot about my night...Saturday night...man..can you say, DULL?!?! Yes..i was bored off the ass. I kicked it with this guy, Bret, he showed me his pic, and was like, "Don't laugh at my pic, my mum made me dress up like a prep." Then when i met him..he was wearing Tommy Jeans. =\ I fuckin' hate Tommy wear..grr..that guy is so fuckin' racist!! "Only white people can wear my clothes." That fuckin' prick. I hope he kills himself. Anyways...Bret was a prep..he didn't want to admit it..and he was all asking me what kinds of bands i'm into....he fuckin' thought that Deftones was punk..what a fuckin' dumbass!! So yeah..we went to his house..and watched Kangaroo Jack. Then after that, he asked if i wanted to hang out more or to go home. Hell yeah i said i wanted to go home!! HAHHA.
I want Jase to get online.

current mood: relaxed
current music: Alkaline Trio - We've Had Enough

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Saturday, July 12th, 2003
4:57 pm - All For Punx...Oi!!
You are a.. PUNK! You live your life drinking,
goin' to shows, and supporting local bands. You
are heavily anti-society and practcially anti-
everything. You may have a mohawk and you may
not, but your angry additude is visible
regardless if you look the part or not.

The Subculture Label Quiz
brought to you by Quizilla

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12:03 pm - --YAWN--
Woah...I feel so annoyed today...just everyone PMing me on Yahoo and it's really getting on my nerves...I don't know why..I just feel really annoyed.
Me and my bro still have the house to ourselves. I wonder when my mum will be home. Oh wells..more party time!!
Well last night..how there was a party at my house..I didn't stay too long, I went out with Jenny...We just went cruzin' like idiots in Ogden. I swear! It's so funny just going there seeing people trying to hook up, looking for one night stands, parties, etc. First off..most of them are like..JAiLBAiTS!!! Yeah..pretty funny..most those girls look fuckin' older. It's so fuckin' sad!! Another funny thing is....usually kids that go to Northridge High go up there. That's way funny to me. We didn't stay too long..we just cruzied and talked to guys...about it.
Oh yeah....I finally met Naresh(Dr.Z)....was weird..because i don't like him in that way anymore. But i do admit, he has a nice body. HAHAHAHAA.
I'm tired of fuckin' Sadi bitching about how she's single and wants a man. Heaven fuckin' sakes! GRRR....I don't really care....I like the single life at times. She's just a dirty hoe. I swear! All she does is meet guys from the net in yahoo chat and fucks them. What the fuck?!!?! Can you say....S-L-U-T! Yeah..i don't really like people like that. It's so low and pretty lame.
Jase still hasn't been online. Grr..damn him!! =) He needs to get online!!! I wonder if he has a girlfriend now. =\
Let's see...
Last night...i was on the phone with Jeramie. Gawd...it was so fun! I haven't talked to him since like the day before yesterday. Yeah it sucks, he's always with his girlfriend. But i do respect him. I know they want some alone time. But fuck...please....i hope they don't turn out to be like Jen and Sean. I swear those two fo0s never wanna hang out anymore. They are so stuck to themselves. I hate people like that. I mean...what is gonna happen when they break up?? They won't have any friends because bascially they pushed all their friends away. They better not say i was never there for them. Because i was and i can't take their shit anymore. I'm not gonna be there when they break up.

current mood: annoyed
current music: Blur - Coffee And Tv

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Friday, July 11th, 2003
2:52 am - What A Night...
Fuck....last night was really weird. First off, There was a fire in Centerville. Like on the hills/moutains. Very strange because the fire didn't look out of control it was just in rows. Fuckin' ashes flying everywhere..thought it was snowing for a second..but it's July. Would be pretty funny if it did snow in July. But yeah..i was kinda worried...because Jase does something with fighting wild fires....I mean, power to him. And yes..i fuckin' miss talking to him. He's so rad. I really hope that he's okay and that his happy with his job. HEHEE..Yeah..i still like him..like a lot..I wish he would call me or something! He needs to get online. *sniff sniff*
So i kicked it with Christian last night..was weird..only my second time seeing him. He hasn't changed. But yeah..We were going to the graveyard in SLC by the U of U...suposely it's haunted. So on our way there...of course we saw that fire in Centerville, and a sofa in the middle of the rode....then we went driving in the housing area looking for the graveyard..and there was this weird looking fuckin' animal. I'm serious, i have never seen a thing like that before!! Was kinda freaky too..but cute in a way because it was fat ass hell and was waddling...Thought it was a fat ass cat at first. But gawd knows what that thing is.
So we finally found the graveyard...was scary and freaky...i mean..it was peaceful. I liked it. But freaky because it was dark as hell and we were walking towards the Catholic area of the graves and i fuckin' saw something on the ground by this tombstone and i turned around and walked back and i wanted to leave. Oh wells...That place wasn't haunted...but was a huge grave yard..maybe next time i'll actually find a real haunted one.
I saw Eric's cousin on cam...and woah..he's actually not bad lookin'. I mean..hell Eric is fugly and has a huge forehead and his cousin is like so different oh wells..and i'm having fun just going room to room...and watching my friend boot people. Gawd it's fun. Ha. Well..suposely we are supose to have a party tonight..guess we'll see..

current mood: worried
current music: The All-American Rejects - The Last Song

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Thursday, July 10th, 2003
1:48 pm - Finally Have The Net Connection...
Well....I didn't have the internet again...for a while. Yeah..I called up the company..said we haven't been paying since March...and i'm like what the fuck...it was working fine last week or whatever. Shitty deal.
Let's see, what's new....4th of July..I was sick..I did jack shit on that day.
Over the weekend..I called up Jen and Sean see if they wanted to kick it..but no...they never wanna do anything..fuckin' lazy asses..grrr...i swear...they are like married or something. Then the weekend I kicked it with Matt(Cartman) and his friends...nothing exciting...just went to Ogden..went crusing..haha was fun i guess. I would say..his friend is a cute punker though. TEEHEE...
So...school starts next month..yes..i'll be going..wo0t! Go me..I'll be a senior...Of course...going to fuckin' NHS again..Wow..Go Knights!! Those Fockers..GRrrr...hate those people at NHS.
HEEHEE...I applied at BK yesterday...lucky me..i need a job..and i've been going to the gym lately..well let's see...Yeah..I fuckin' like Mackenize a lot, but i think she don't like me like that oh wells..Not like we could hook up in the first place if she ever did like me like that. But yeah...My life is so blah right now and i guess that's all that's new..really...

current mood: crushed
current music: The Early November - Sunday Drive

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