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Saturday, October 16th, 2004
9:04 pm - Annoying People.
Blah Blah Blah. I can't sleep. So I just noticed that some people are really dumb. I mean, REALLY. Then there's the awesome people. I want to thank all the awesome people for being my friend. :)

So the dumb people won't come up and talk to me in person, to my face. They just like to hide behind their computer and act all tough or even on the phone all getting lippy with me. o_O I put all this effort to fix everything and they just won't take the offer and just want to cause more drama. "Oh I hope you fail, blah blah blah" Well you know what, "Fuck You", that's pretty much all I have to say to your pansy asses. Maybe I'm just too nice? Well you know what, I don't give up that easy. You will see me at school. I never did once said anything bad, all was nice things said. Don't even try and get people turned against me, that is really lame. Seriously, we aren't in junior high anymore. Oh yeah, don't deny it and make me seem like the bad person. I'm not fully that bad. Trust me, you know this. Anyways, quit talking shit because it makes you look dumb and obviously I do have a life, you can sit there and say in all my offline messages I have none, but you know I do sucka. MKTHANKS.

current mood: chipper

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Sunday, October 10th, 2004
4:12 am - I can give you freedom from your guilt, with a flick of my wrist onto yours.
I'm so sad....really sad...like way sad. Why aren't you around? I seriously need someone right now. I swear you forgot about me. Why should I suffer anymore and dream of myself dying? You are doing better things and have NO time for me. My gut feeling is telling me so. I miss you so much right now and I sound lame as hell.

current mood: depressed
current music: Fear Before the March of Flames - What Happens in Vegas Stay

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Tuesday, August 10th, 2004
3:37 am - Waiting in The Shadows.
[ x ] Smoke?: No.
[ x ] Do drugs?: Nope.
[ x ] Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: No/No.
[ x ] Sleep with stuffed animals?: My pikachu sometimes.
[ x ] Live in the moment?: Whhaaaattt? o_O
[ x ] Think you'll get married: No.
[ x ] Have a dream that keeps coming back?: Yeah.
[ x ] Play an instrument?: Yup.
[ x ] Believe there is life on other planets?: Yes.
[ x ] Remember your first love?: No.
[ x ] Still love him/her?: I never loved anyone. So no.
[ x ] Have gay/lesbian friends?: Yeah.
[ x ] Believe in miracles?: No.
[ x ] Believe its possible to remain faithful forever? Yes.
[ x ] Consider yourself tolerant of others?: Depends on who and what they are doing..
[ x ] Fav. candy?: Japanese candy or UK candy. Yum.
[ x ] Believe in astrology?: Sometimes.
[ x ] Believe in magic?: No.
[ x ] Believe in God?: No.
[ x ] Pray?: No.

[ x ] College?: Not yet.
[ x ] Major?: I'm still trying to finish high school.
[ x ] Talk to strangers who IM you?: Sometimes.
[ x ] Wear hats?: Yes.
[ x ] HATE YOURSELF?: Who doesn't.
[ x ] Have an obsession?: No.
[ x ] Collect anything?: No.
[ x ] Have a best friend(s)?: *shrugs*
[ x ] Wish on stars?: Not really..but they comfort me.
[ x ] Like your handwriting?: No.
[ x ] Any bad habits?: Yes.
[ x ] Care about looks?: Yes.
[ x ] Believe in witches?: No.
[ x ] Satan?: No.
[ x ] Ghosts?: Heck yeah.
[ x ] Trust others easily?: Not anymore.
[ x ] Like noise?: Yes.
[ x ] Music?: Yes.all the time.

[ x ] Bought something: Few days ago.
[ x ] Danced: When i'm drunk.
[ x ] Were sarcastic: Today.
[ x ] Kissed someone: ?
[ x ] Talked to an Ex: This weekend.
[ x ] Had a Nightmare: Few nights ago.
[ x ] Last book you read: I don't remember.
[ x ] Last movie you saw: Troy.
[ x ] Last song you heard: Sugarcult - Destination Anywhere
[ x ] Last thing you had to drink: Water.
[ x ] Feeling this moment: A nervous wreck and sleepy.

[ x ] Band: Too many.
[ x ] Show: South Park, Ren and Stimpy, ATHF, and Sex and the city, Adult Swim, Rocky's Modern Life, The Simpsons, Dave Chappelle, umm..too many.
[ x ] Song: Too many.
[ x ] Sport: Soccer.
[ x ] COLOR: Pink and the rest of the gang.
[ x ] Person to talk to online: Andy, Jake, Mike, Eric, and sometimes Jen and Nate.

[ x ] Wallet - Don't have one anymore.
[ x ] Hairbrush - This clear blue.
[ x ] Toothbrush - It's pokemon. HAHA.
[ x ] Jewelry worn daily - Mood ring, my necklace, and watch.
[ x ] Pillow cover - Hawaiian stuff.
[ x ] Coffee Cup - Don't have one.
[ x ] Sunglasses - Geez too many they are big, dark, and they all look like rock star sunglasses.
[ x ] Underwear - Too many.
[ x ] Cologne/Perfume - Too many.
[ x ] Tattoos - None…at the moment.
[ x ] Piercings - Ears, tongue, labret, and lip.
[ x ] In my mouth - Tongue piercing.
[ x ] In my head - When will i do something right.
[ x ] Wishing - To fuck off.
[ x ] After this - Sleepy for Tonka.
[ x ] Fetishes - Don't have one.
[ x ] Person you wish you could see right now - My grandma.
[ x ] Is next to you - No one.
[ x ] Some of your favorite movies - Mostly 80's, comedy and horror flicks.
[ x ] something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month - Actually excited i'm going back to school and a few shows coming up.
[ x ] The last thing you ate - A salad.
[ x ] Something that you are afraid of - Being alone or maybe I'm really afraid of being in love.
[ x ] Do you like candles - Yeah.

[ x ] Do you like incense - No.
[ x ] Do you like the taste of blood - o_O WTF. No.
[ x ] Do you believe in love - No.
[ x ] Do you believe in soul mates - Maybe.
[ x ] Do you believe in love at first sight - No.
[ x ] Do you believe in Heaven - No.
[ x ] What do you want done with your body when you die - Cremated.
[ x ] Who is your worst enemy - Too many people.
[ x ] If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be - A Savannah or a white tiger.
[ x ] What is the latest you've ever stayed up - Been up three days straight.
[ x ] Can you eat with chopsticks - Yes.
[ x ] What's your favorite coin - A Penny I guess since i always find them.
[ x ] What are some of your favorite animals - Cats.
[ x ] What's something that you wish people would understand - That I am way effin' emotional,sensitive, and shy. Don't judge my appearance, get to know me and understand why i act how i act even though the way i look i do get tons of attention.
[ x ] What's something you wish you could understand better - Why am I here, what will happen if i die? Why people always treat me like this for the longest time?
[ x ] Who is someone that you really wish was still around - My grandma.

current mood: sleepy
current music: Thursday - Tomorrow I'll Be You.

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Sunday, August 8th, 2004
7:58 pm - I Got A Bad Feeling About This.
Besides drama. I'm so happy!!! I haven't talked to Mike in like a few months or so. Yeah I'm glad we are talking. It's so awesome. :)
HEHEEE and Andy is so funny.

greed_vs_peace : Tanya lies ALL the time though so I understand.
antagonized_enigma: maybe im being retarded but she is my friend and she may mess up but she hasnt done anything to offend me so if u can just not talk about her around me id appreciate it
greed_vs_peace : I understand, but you need to realize she plays you like a fiddle man.
greed_vs_peace : But i'll shut up about it.
antagonized_enigma: uh howso
greed_vs_peace : Doesn't matter.
antagonized_enigma: i dont see how she has
antagonized_enigma: i honestly dont
greed_vs_peace : Just uses ya for rides and places to chill cause she doesn't really have any friends.
didisavetheday: LOL.
didisavetheday: How do i use you for rides?
didisavetheday: We hang out.
antagonized_enigma: thats what im thinking
didisavetheday: Doesn't make any sense.
antagonized_enigma: weve gone just as many places by ourselves
didisavetheday: I know.
antagonized_enigma: as gone places where people are
didisavetheday: Like we go to Best Buy and Gheywhale. LoL.
didisavetheday: We went bowling. LOL.
antagonized_enigma: greed_vs_peace : I'm not the only one that sees it though.
greed_vs_peace : But it doesn't matter.
greed_vs_peace : If you enjoy her company then it doesn't matter.
didisavetheday: And tried to go fishing.
antagonized_enigma: to the fuckin graveyard
didisavetheday: Yeah.
didisavetheday: LOL.
didisavetheday: See look what he's trying to do.
didisavetheday: He's trying to turn you against me.
antagonized_enigma: its ok i knew it was going to happen
antagonized_enigma: i was ready for it

current mood: happy
current music: Taking Back Sunday - Number Five With A Bullet

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Thursday, August 5th, 2004
4:09 am - Pretty Girls Make Graves.
Way confused here. Brandon is being a jerk like always. Jake from Tree Town is being a fuckin' freak. Jesse is pulling that shit again. Jase is normal.HAHA. Then my friend Jake is going to this church thing which i was going to go to with him but i backed out. HAHA. Man..this weekend is going to be fuckin boring. Jake won't be back till later Saturday. Then um..I doubt me and Jesse will hang out then Derek is being a fuckin' retard saying he would kick my ass if i pissed him off and tried to get smart with him i know he's joking & saying that to piss me off but what a douche bag. Oh well.

current mood: confused
current music: Silverstein - Giving Up

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Wednesday, August 4th, 2004
7:52 pm - Tell All Your Friends.
So fishing sucks. Yup. Me, Jake, and Nelly were going fishing. Well Nelly wasn't going to fish. So like me and Nelly wanted to go swimming. So we tried to but my stupid ass stepped on a big ass fish hook. Ouch. It was so blah. I was screaming like a pansy ass emo bitch. Brought tears to my eyes. Oh wells. So we left early. Atlest we got pictures. LoL. I wish my photoshop was working. Man...someone fucked with my computer when i wasn't home.
I hate how people talk shit about my friends. Well earlier Mike was online. And he just offended me bad. WTF. Calling my friend fat. I mean yeah he's fat but you don't have to fuckin' like say shit and force stuff on me. I'll like whoever i want. Yes i'm very shallow. But who isn't nowadays. Hell my friend was like right there behind me reading the screen when the whole conversation was going on. Hell yeah i'm going to back up Jake. He's my good friend and it's fucked up if someone is going to sit there and say nice things and comment about me but that shit doesn't matter. I care more about my friends. So it's fucked up if you are going to sit there and talk shit. Man. People are just so retarded. Big time.

current mood: sad
current music: Name Taken - Cover Up

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Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004
2:06 pm - Girl's Got a Face Like Murder.
Oh oh. Guess what kids...suicidal is awesome. You should try it sometime. Yup.

current mood: depressed
current music: Pedro The Lion - Promise

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Monday, August 2nd, 2004
12:59 pm - I Hope You Die.
I hate drama. Gawd i hate everything and everyone. Maybe....

current mood: pissed off
current music: Funeral For A Friend - Red Is The New Black

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Sunday, August 1st, 2004
11:37 pm - Forever, You Bleed.
Utah freaky dinky people. Gawd. I'm so sick of everyones drama. For a fact, i'm not drama. Drama follows me and loves me. Hmm...i'm so used. Let's see. I fuckin' hate Jesse now. He's so "ghey". Gawd. He pisses me off so bad. Hmmm.......enough about his faggot ass.
So me and Jake went to the graveyard last night...the car broke down. I was out taking pictures and all of a sudden the car goes "poof". And i'm like wtf? So water and junk is all coming out and steam. So we sat there for i guess 15-30mins. Then we took off..made it to Main Street. Oh man..people are so freaky..i thought we were gonna get shot. Yeah so today we went back to the graveyard. I got more pictures. But i'm just not done. I need more. So i guess we'll go again next week.
I just hope some people die soon if not sooner.

current mood: depressed
current music: Funeral For A Friend - Red Is The New Black

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Tuesday, July 27th, 2004
8:07 pm - Are You Happy, I'll Decide.
Well fuck, I'm so fuckin' pissed off. I had this long ass story typed out. And fuck you blurty. It didn't post. Grrrr i'm so pissed off. I'm not going to fuckin' type it out again. For one, i don't fuckin' remember all what i wrote. Oh oh two, i fuckin' don't remember anything.

current mood: angry
current music: Finch - Grey Matter

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Thursday, July 22nd, 2004
6:40 am - I Don't Want You To Love Me Anymore.
Well crap...it's been forever. So i don't even know where to start. It's been pretty crazy. Hmm...and friends come and go. It's wild. Then few Sundays ago some people from Sandy tried to hit me and my cat with their car. =\
Man i've been way depressed Hm....Brandon is being mean to me again. I don't know what his fuckin' problem is. It's weird, he'll be mean then he'll be nice and pretend nothing ever happened. I don't even know. He has to be bi-polar. So I went to The Used..and Jase got kicked out for punching some guy in the face. After the show me and Nanci headed up to my house and umm..we called Jase to see if he wanted to hang out. So we kicked it at my house and got way drunk as fuck. Then like i just got way depressed and just started to cut my arm deep. Way deep, blood everywhere, on my hands, arms, jeans and my floor. It was scary. And i don't remember. =\ I guess when everyone left I was just way drunk & i don't know what made me do it. It's weird. I just couldn't believe it was deep & i remember I called my friend Derek crying & he was actually being nice & i don't remember the rest I think i passed out on the phone who knows. I just woke up & didn't remember anything, Derek told me what i told him. Crazy Tonka.

current mood: crushed
current music: The Early November - Baby Blue

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Thursday, February 26th, 2004
5:34 am - Wait....They Don't Love You Like I Love.......
Let's see if this works. Yeah everytime i wanna come and write...noOooOo doesn't happen. Damn internet explorer fuckin' closed. Ya wank. Yeah. Thank gawd we are getting dsl shit soon. Yup Yup. Rad. No more dial-up for the Tonka. So yeah.
Can we say...drama...and more drama. D-R-A-M-A. Yeah. That is whats new. o_O I hate IT! Stupid cunt needs to DIE! Grrr i hate liars and stupid fake WHORES!! Stupid DRAMA QUEENS!! UGH! And where the hell is Karma when you need it. x_X Karma..where are you? Hurry up! So yeah..i'm annoyed..ticked off..sad..blah blah blah.

current mood: depressed
current music: As I Lay Dying - Forever

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Monday, December 29th, 2003
1:03 pm - And The Letter, Feel Better, Less Bitter.
Like shit...finally internet explorer let's me on this. Hmm...so I finally got in Mountain High. YAY me.
Hmm...so like this really fat ugly dyke stole my bracelet when i was drunk. Blah. So fuckin' lame. I hate people. Yeah..the liars and stealers. Stupid assholes.
Umm...Christmas was alright..i kicked it with...Janet and Jeramie..then later we were hanging out with Tyler and John...so weird to hang out with people that you haven't seen in forever. HAHA i got a printer for Christmas. HAHAHA. Too funny. Hmm...Sid is bigger now. But he's still my lil punk rock kittie.
So uhhh..for New Year's Eve....i'm not so sure what i'm doing..um..if Britt doesn't go clubbing me and her are going to party. YAYYYY! HAHA ummm.....I have homework..but i don't feel like doing it..actually i don't know how to start off papers....and i feel so ignored.

current mood: blank
current music: Jack Off Jill - Vivica

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Wednesday, December 10th, 2003
10:18 pm - Bleh.
Feels like i just got slapped in the face...
I can't do anything fockin' right. Forreals.

current mood: depressed

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Monday, December 8th, 2003
10:15 am - R.I.P. Jer. *cries* =*(
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:45:22): Hey.
Amplexus79 (오전 9:45:25): Hey
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:45:31): What you doing?
Amplexus79 (오전 9:45:53): Sitting
Amplexus79 (오전 9:45:55): Where've you been?
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:46:14): Here and there.
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:46:18): Let me add you to my other name.
Amplexus79 (오전 9:46:18): Jer's dead.
oi oi PuNk LoVe(오전 9:46:20): Hold up.
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:46:22): No way.
Amplexus79 (오전 9:46:31): He killed himself on Tuesday or Wednesday
Amplexus79 (오전 9:46:32): His funeral is today
oi oi PuNk LoVe(오전 9:46:35): OMG.............
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:46:38): You are kidding me.
Amplexus79 (오전 9:46:46): Nope. Serious as a heart attack
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:46:50): OMG..
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:46:58): :-(:'(
Amplexus79 (오전 9:47:27): Viewing is at 11:00 at Oak Forest LDS 1st Ward Chapel
Amplexus79 (오전 9:47:32): 2250E 2300N Layton
Amplexus79 (오전 9:47:34): Funeral is at 12:00
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:47:40): I don't even know where that is at.
Amplexus79 (오전 9:47:51): Somewhere by Adam's elementary or another
oi oi PuNk LoVe(오전 9:47:58): OMG..i still don't know where.
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:48:07): Damn.
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:48:09): I am sad now.
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:48:15): I was gonna ask you if you have talked to him lately.
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:48:16): Shit.
Amplexus79 (오전 9:48:26): Sorry to be the one to break the news.
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:48:35): No it's okay.
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:48:38): That's just sad.
Amplexus79 (오전 9:48:43): I would've told you early but I had no way of contacting you
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:48:49): I'm sorry.
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:48:53): But why did he??
Amplexus79 (오전 9:48:55): Don't be.
Amplexus79 (오전 9:48:57): *shrugs*
oi oi PuNk LoVe (오전 9:49:55): That is just weird.
Amplexus79 (오전 9:49:59): Why?
oi oi PuNk LoVe(오전 9:50:05): I didn't think he would do that.
oi oi PuNk LoVe(오전 9:50:06): He's so rad.
Amplexus79 (오전 9:50:11): Aye..

OMG...I didn't think Jer would do that. =( That is soOoO sad...He was one of my first friends when i moved here. Gawd...just beat me down already please. I want to be left alone.

current mood: depressed
current music: Taking Back Sunday - Bike Scene

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Saturday, December 6th, 2003
8:03 am - I'm digging a hole. I'll shut out the world, This is what it's like to be alone.
Blah blah blah fuckin' blah. Back in Drama for me...grrrr..why do people fuckin' bother? It's so damn retarded to stir up drama. I wish they would fuckin' stop it, and drop it.
But anyways...Hmm..i got to see Britt and Sheri this week. YAY! Hmm..Stupid Mountain High. I'm fockin' confused. My counsler said i got in...now he's like no i didn't get in and i'm waiting still. WTF. Am i going to get to go to school or not? It's taking fuckin' forever to know. I even called up the board of education and left a fuckin' message. Gawd stupid ass lame Utah. I hate this fuckin' place.
So hm...I'm supose to hang out with Jase tonight i guess i'll see if it happens. So weird..i got mad at him then i called his ass. I can't stay fuckin' mad at him grrr. Let's see....oOoooo i gotta remind myself to call the vet on Monday or whatever for Sid. Hmm..i got an e-mail..let's see what i got...most likely something fucked up by my dad. x_X

current music: Dead Poetic - Stereochild

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Sunday, November 23rd, 2003
7:36 am - :::EMO:::
I am 66% Emo

Well.. I've made the cut! Now I'll go buy some promise rings and knit myself a sweater.

Take the Emo Test at fuali.com

current mood: sick
current music: The Cure - Burn

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Tuesday, November 4th, 2003
11:53 pm - Romance in The Stars...
Finally..i'm home..i was in Murray..again..been gone since Saturday. But yeah...on fuckin' Saturday my mom asked if i was doing drugs because lately i've been different. Bleh. I don't even do drugs. That's fuckin' sick.
Alex is bugging me. I don't like him anymore. Aww Sid is back. I wish he was still little. He's so cute though. But yeah.
So i need to call my counsler this week...to talk about Driver's ed and Mountain High..hmm..
oOoOOo..So Sid is on my lap..purring away...yup..he loves Flickerstick. Atlest he has some good taste.
Hmmm....i had stuff to say but i can't remember...My brother's birthday is coming up soon...i need to get him something..I wonder how he's doing...maybe he's talking shit on me..who knows.

current mood: frustrated
current music: Billy Talent - Try Honesty

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Saturday, November 1st, 2003
8:05 am - Halloween Was Dull.
Well I woke up around 7 this morning...was sitting here eating yogurt then Sid took the rest. He was kinda pissed off that he didn't get a lot but oh wells. I told him that i was mad at him for yesterday.
oOoOOo Janet called me yesterday. But she didn't talk much. I hate it when people call and they are like watching tv at the same time, not even paying attention to what you say. Fuckin' pisses me off. Just sitting there talking, and she's like, "What??!" For christ butt sakes, you fuckin' called me, you are wasting my fuckin' time and you aren't even going to talk and just sit there on the phone and watch tv?!!?! Jeebus people!
Hm..and my counsler called...he sent my papers to Mountain High, bleh, they better fuckin' accept me in or i'm not even going to graduate. Fucked up this state works. Yeah those butt focks didn't accept me in last year so i kinda doubt they will this year? But fuck i seriously need to graduate and if i go back to Northridge i won't. I'm way behind.
But yeah...last night sucked, actually the whole day sucked. But then...that isn't new either, everyday sucks.

current mood: crappy
current music: Filter - Take A Picture

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Friday, October 31st, 2003
11:18 pm - Don't Feel Sorry For Me...I Don't Feel Sorry For You....
Bleh. Military guy called me tonight..like woah..haven't talked to him like two weeks i think? All i know is...he's WAY boring...he doesn't talk and i talk. Oh wells..some people's children..
hm..so i had the weirdest dream..the night before i think it was? Man...so like..it was late at night..driving home with my mum and the sun looked red and it was this pretty dark red color to it and yeah it was the sun not the moon. And it was by a castle in the sky and so i ran inside to get my digital camera to take a picture, and it wouldn't even take it and then it finally did when the sun was breaking...like it was just breaking into pieces and i got 3 chunks..weird ass dream..hmm..maybe it really does mean i broke someone's heart?

current mood: rejected
current music: Benny Benassi - Satisfaction

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