| Fuck everything | ||||
| 08:39pm 27/12/2004 | ||||
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pissed off| Whatever | ||||
| 10:43pm 26/12/2004 | ||||
Anyway, been thinking. I totally need to get away, before I go crazy. My aunty said I could stay with her in New Zealand, but I don't know if I wanna go to New Zealand. Guess there's always Melbourne or Queensland or Perth. I've been to Perth before, and it seems okay. I just don't want to have to wait til Tasmania. Maybe I can go, then meet crysie over there or something. Okay, maybe Im just too down at the moment, so I wont write ne more. I'll try to be better next time. Luv Shellie |
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depressed| Bored | ||||
| 09:22pm 01/12/2004 | ||||
() go out with me? () give me your number? () have sex with me? () let me kiss you? () watch a movie with me...even a really sappy one? () let me take you out to dinner? () drive me somewhere/anywhere? () take a shower with me? () be my bf/gf? () have a fling with me? () listen to me if I called you crying even if you were out with all of your friends? () buy me a drink if i didnt have money? () take me home for the night? () would you let me sleep in your bed? () sing car kareoke w/ me? () sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone? () re-post this for me to answer your questions? () let me give you a piggyback ride? () come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere? Okay, stole this from someone else's blurty (thanks Jeff :P) Very bored. Lot has happened. My bro was in a car crash with his GF and now she's in the hospital & his car is completely smashed up. Now does everybody understand why I dont want to drive one??? Luv Shellie |
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bored| Meh | ||||
| 08:36pm 26/11/2004 | ||||
I am finally allowed into Recoveryourlife! :) For sum reason my comp wasn't letting me in, but now it is. Its brilliant, I love their forums. Its also good to talk to people who understand me. Dont get me wrong, I love my friends, they are the best thing in my life, but sometimes I wonder why they put up with me, I can be really annoying and weird. Im sure most of them dont understand why I do some of the things I do, but those who know and I can talk about it to, they dont judge me and they have no idea how much that means to me. I dont know what I'd do without them. I havent updated in a while coz our comp got a virus and we started using our old one, but its a lot slower. Not much has happened since. Yesterday I lost me voice, that was a little weird. Oh, Im getting Mutant X Season 3 on DVD!!!! Sooooooo can't wait!!!! :D Luv Shellie |
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| I cant believe I finally did it!!! :D | ||||
| 08:26pm 12/10/2004 | ||||
Anyway, I got paid today and was meeting my friend at the shopping centre coz I owed her some money. We wandered. I wanted to get some information about the piercings so we went to different places, and finally came across Essential Beauty. The lady was nice and I was sooooo scared. I absolutely HATE needles!! I'll do ne thing to get out of having them. But I was determined not to chicken out. And I wanted to get it over with, so I decided I would do it. My friend Amy was with me, we picked out a pink bar :) and went to a back room. She put some numbing spray on, but I dont think it really did ne thing. She measured it and then saw Amy looked kinda pale, and it was a small room so she suggested that she waited outside so that she didnt pass out. So then she clamped my belly button. I was lying down so I couldnt see nething, which was probably a good thing. I asked her to let me know when she was putting the needle in, so she did. I was sooo freaking out. There was a sharp pinch, but that was it. I didnt even feel her put in the bar in. I got up, and she warned me that I might feel light headed, but I felt great! I paid and left with the biggest smile on my face. I went on and on about it. I couldnt believe that it didnt even hurt. And I didnt even bleed. I had my ears done with the needle and they bled, so I couldnt understand why this didnt. I went home and told my mom, and she was actually cool with it!!! I could not stop talking about it. I rang my friends and told them. They are probably annoyed with me coz I wouldnt shut up! I am just sooooo happy that I did it! I will never regret doing this. I just hope that it doesnt get infected. I am absolutely stoked and cannot believe that I almost didnt go through with it. Luv Shellie |
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bouncy| Welcome To My Life | ||||
| 09:41pm 11/10/2004 | ||||
Welcome To My Life by Simple Plan Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place? Like somehow you just don't belong And no one understands you? Do you ever wanna run away? Do you lock yourself in your room With the radio on turned up so loud That no one hears you screaming No you don't know what it's like When nothing feels alright You don't know what it's like to be like me... To be hurt, to feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked when you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like Welcome to my life Do you wanna be somebody else? Are you sick of feeling so left out? Are you desperate to find something more Before your life is over? Are you stuck inside a world you hate? Are you sick of everyone around? With the big fake smiles And stupid lies While deep inside your bleeding No you don't know what it's like When nothing feels alright You don't know what it's like to be like me... To be hurt, to feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked when you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like Welcome to my life No one ever lied straight to your face No one ever stabbed you in the back You might think I'm happy But I'm not gonna be ok Everybody always gave you what you wanted You never had to work It was always there You don't know what it's like What it's like To be hurt, to feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked when you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like To be hurt, to feel lost To be left out in the dark To be kicked when you're down To feel like you've been pushed around To be on the edge of breaking down And no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like Welcome to my life Welcome to my life Welcome to my life What do ya think? I luv Simple Plan. Their lyrics describe me perfectly. Not just this song, but ‘Perfect’ as well. I also luv Papa Roach’s song ‘Last Resort’. I’m gonna get my belly button pierced. I wanna do it this week, but I might chicken out. I sooo hope I don’t. Even if it hurts, at least it will be over. Its weird, I HATE needles and I’m afraid that it will hurt, but I mean, this is me we’re talking about. Strange. Neway, not sure what else to write. I have a new blurty that I can vent all I want with out people I know reading it, which is cool. I did lots of quiz’s in it. I luv quizilla. It rox. Luv Shellie |
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pensive| Quizilla | ||||
| 09:34pm 04/10/2004 | ||||
 Your very depressed and you often think of ending it but yet you can't...you have something that keeps you here and you can't brake away. Poor you. I know the feeling. If you need anything just email me and I'm there hun. Do you Suffer From Depression brought to you by Quizilla |
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numb| more quizes | ||||
| 09:11pm 04/10/2004 | ||||
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| Meh | ||||
| 09:34pm 29/09/2004 | ||||
Omg, how come I wasn't informed that they had made Prozac Nation into a movie??????? I read the book and I was in the video store and it was there, starring Christina Ricci, Michelle Williams, Anne Heche and some other people I know of but can't remember. Im not sure how I feel about Christina Ricci playing the main chick. Guess I'll just have to watch and see. There were HEAPS of wrestling ones, so mom became a member so I can hire them :P I just read my friend Helen's livejournal and she is soooooo not doing good. Im so worried about her. She's really depressed, shes hurting herself and her eating is all shit. But Im just not sure what to do. I know what she's going through, but it is hard to help, and knowing how I was, she probably doesn't know how to ask for it. Im going to try to talk to her though, even if she gets mad and tells me to mind my own business. She is my friend and I wont turn my back on her, and pretend nothing is wrong. Well, there, my mind is made up. Man, im glad I have a blurty, i can figure everything out by writing about it :P Seriously, I just hope she talks to me, coz I soooooo do understand how she is feeling. Luv Shellie *All the friends that I've had where are they now? Guess I'm far too intense to be loved All the things that I hate, I hate about myself And I need to cleanse my soul* *Nobody knows, nobody cares That I die on the inside Nobody sees the lie that is me Coz I smile on the outside* - Amy Studt (Nobody) |
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worried| Where Did It Go?? | ||||
| 08:08pm 24/09/2004 | ||||
Sometimes there were both. Hard times and having fun. Being with friends made you forget all the bad things that life was throwing your way, and for a few hours or so, you could pretend that everything was perfect. Why did it all have to change? Why can't we just go back? Luv Shellie *Everything’s so blurry And everyone’s so fake And everybody’s empty And everything is so messed up* - Puddle Of Mudd (Blurry) *I'm not afraid of speaking my mind. I'm just afraid of being ignored* *I'm not afraid... put the gun in my hand... I'm just afraid it will hurt like, hurt like hell* - Jack Off Jill (Fear Of Dying) *I just want to make you proud I'm never gonna be good enough for you Can't pretend that I'm all right And you can't change me* *Nothing's gonna change the things that you said Nothing's gonna make this right again Please don't turn your back I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you But you don't understand* - Simple Plan (Perfect) |
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| Not Sure | ||||
| 08:15pm 21/09/2004 | ||||
Luv Shellie *When I am queen I will insist With perfect scars upon my wrists That everything you once held dear Is taken away from you* *When I am queen they all will see The patron saint of self-injury The glitter sores will heal themselves I'll play the part of someone else* |
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uncomfortable| I Don't Know | ||||
| 08:06pm 19/09/2004 | ||||
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| Whatever | ||||
| 09:38pm 18/09/2004 | ||||
I have been totally obsessed with Concrete Angel by Martina McBride lately. I put it on a tape and was in the car and mom heard it. She asked 'who sings this?' And I told her and she was like 'Its beautiful.' It is. The words are so sad and meaningful. Luv Shellie *It will soon be over. When we no longer care, they will find us here in this strange silent house lying in the darkness of our own blood. The mad dog and me. Because I came from the mad dog and it is too late for me.* - Michelle Morris 'If I Should Die Before I Wake' Concrete Angel - Martina McBride She walks to school with the lunch she packed Nobody knows what she's holdin' back Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday She hides the bruises with linen and lace The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask It's hard to see the pain behind the mask Bearing the burden of a secret storm Sometimes she wishes she was never born Through the wind and the rain She stands hard as a stone In a world that she can't rise above But her dreams give her wings And she flies to a place where she's loved Concrete angel Somebody cries in the middle of the night The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate When morning comes it'll be too late Through the wind and the rain She stands hard as a stone In a world that she can't rise above But her dreams give her wings And she flies to a place where she's loved Concrete angel A statue stands in a shaded place An angel girl with an upturned face A name is written on a polished rock A broken heart that the world forgot Through the wind and the rain She stands hard as a stone In a world that she can't rise above But her dreams give her wings And she flies to a place where she's loved Concrete angel |
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| Everyone is so down | ||||
| 09:01pm 17/09/2004 | ||||
I dont think I have anything good to say, and I don't really wanna get into all the depressing stuff. To make it worse, nobody is online that I can talk to. Just have to suffer in silence. Oh well, i'll probably be better tomorrow. I just hope I dont do nething stupid before then. Luv Shellie |
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| Sorry I Cant Be Perfect. | ||||
| 08:41pm 14/09/2004 | ||||
Hey dad look at me Think back and talk to me Did I grow up according to plan? And do you think I’m wasting my time Doing things I wanna do? But it hurts when you disapprove all along And now I try hard to make it I just want to make you proud I'm never gonna be good enough for you Can't pretend that I'm all right and you can't change me 'Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever I'm sorry I can't be perfect Now it's just too late and we can't go back I'm sorry I can't be perfect I try not to think About the pain I feel inside Did you know you used to be my hero? All the days you spent with me Now seem so far away And it feels like you don't care anymore And now I try hard to make it I just want to make you proud I'm never gonna be good enough for you I can't stand another fight And nothing's alright 'Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever I'm sorry I can't be perfect Now it's just too late and we can't go back I'm sorry I can't be perfect Nothing's gonna change the things that you said Nothing's gonna make this right again Please don't turn your back I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you But you don't understand 'Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever I'm sorry I can't be perfect Now it's just too late and we can't go back I'm sorry I can't be perfect 'Cuz we lost it all Nothing lasts forever I'm sorry I can't be perfect Now it's just too late and we can't go back I'm sorry I can't be perfect Not sure what to say. Dont think there is nething to say. The song says it all. Luv Shellie |
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| Hmmm | ||||
| 08:12pm 07/09/2004 | ||||
Neway, right now I am eating icecream and listening to Planet Shakers. Its pretty boring and I can't find any good fanfiction. Thats all for now, got nuthin good to say. Hopefully next time I'll have more to say. Luv Shellie |
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| I dont know | ||||
| 08:33pm 31/08/2004 | ||||
Hopefully I will finish my website soon. Its about me. Scary, huh?? I still dont know whether or not to post my fanfic on it. I might just post a few. Man, I luv Papa Roach's song 'Last Resort'. Im listening to it right now. Im also listening to 'Strawberry Gashes' by Jack Off Jill. That rox too. Im not sure what else to write now. I think I'll go and watch Garfield: The Movie. I got Amy to burn it 4 me coz she has it on dvd and I gave it to mom. I know she wanted it. Now my neighbour wants me to get Amy to do her a copy. Poor Amy. She has, like, all the good dvds, sum that arent even out yet, like Hellboy. Cool, huh?? Luv Shellie *Hurting me, the routine scar. New cuts cover where the old ones are* Linkin Park - Part Of Me |
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| Im not ready!!!!! | ||||
| 08:33pm 03/08/2004 | ||||
I am soooooo glad that Stel and Crysie told me about Winmx. I now never have to buy another CD again EVER!!!!!!! It is soo cool! And now im downloading songs for Alex and my mom, then burning them onto CDs. Brilliant!! :D I have been watching Bold and the Beautiful lately. Okay, I've been taping bits of it. But only the bits with Sam and Hector. I think they make a GREAT couple!!! And its soo sad that because of her mother, Sam missed out on her daughter growing up. :( Very upsetting. Luv Shellie PS: Hey Sam, thankyou sooooooo much for your comment. Almost made me cry. :D That poem was so cool! Did u write it??? I Love you too lots and lots!!! :) |
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| 08:26pm 06/07/2004 | ||||
I made a list of all the stuff I wanna do before I go. And if I go early, then I gotta get birthday and chrissie pressies for my friends and family before I go. I'm going to the movies tomorrow. Gonna c Mean Girls. That should be good. :) Not sure what else to say. Write more later Luv Shellie |
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psychoangel13 |
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