Below are the 2 most recent journal entries recorded in Psaldorn's Blurty:

Thursday, November 3rd, 2005
12:51 am	"Love" - Some thoughts Firstly perhaps I should explain my world-view on some things. I don't think humans are 'better' than animals. You say "Look at the buildings, the literature, the great things we do!", well to that I say 'Look at what humans do to animals (enslaved for food), to the environment, to each other.' - You see, to me we are all just fleshy bags of water and protein. No doubt some of you are offended by this. Get over yourselves, eh? Perhaps you think we're the children of some higher power, or that we are innately better than animals because we can articulate ourselves verbally? Well, your higher power would have made everything else humanity treats with such disrespect, what do you think they would make of that? Anyway, I digress. Humans are animals, plain and simple, a little more advanced in some places, but animals nonetheless. Governed by the same chemicals and hormones as our furry or scaled or feathered kin. Back to "Love", I'll start by seperating (the way I see it) it into it's parts. We have the Concept of Love, note the capitalisation, that some people believe in. This usually involves believing the subject of your Love to be something divine, destined to be with you, preordained by a higher power perhaps - depending on your beliefs. This is the 'Idea' that we are taught in books and films from an early age. Then we have the Biology of Love, or as I like to look at it - The Truth. We all know the feeling of finding someone and falling for them. This is usually first felt as a "Crush" at a fairly young age. In my experience, unrequited, but for you that may well be different. At that age the emotions are overwhelming and are possibly the most powerful thing you have felt. A common response is to confer with an authority, older siblings, parents, world-weary friends. Now, depending on the age (ad disposition) of who you talk to you will get different responses. I was often told "That's not Love".. Oh? "You're too young to feel Love" Well, what age are you allowed to feel Love then? "Not yet" - Or other vague answers usually. This is my first particuarly annoying points. Who is anyone to tell me what I am and am not feeling? I'm fed these concepts of Love from an early age and yet, when I actually find something to relate that to - I'm wrong. At this point a new layer of Love-Mythology is added to the mix. Love isn't something that is merely felt it's known, granted with wisdom and age. You're told "You will know when you feel it". Hindsight is a great thing! Personally I have a policy of not lying unless there is a hell of a lot at stake, now, consider that when you first have a Crush you presume it's "Love" you don't think twice of saying "I Love You". It's the 'done thing', right? Let's say for a moment that after several months or years of being shunned by the object of your affections you find yourself miving on to pastures new. A new Crush forms, this time even more powerful. So this must be Love! At last! But, alas, you're told again "Not this time, kid - Too young". Damn. "But I was sure!" Now imagine this shifted on 40 years. An old man talking to a middle-aged guy. Would it still apply? Could an old man tell this other man that what he's feeling isn't Love, but just and advanced crush? The 40 year old would probably just laugh it off "I know what I'm feeling" he thinks. But the old man remains adamant that the 40 year old is too young to understand Love. How can you refute that? Well.. you can use the same logic to tell the old man that he doesn't know the meaning of Love - if at every stage of your life you up the ante as to what Love is then how do you know it will ever plateau at a definition? Perhaps there is just an acceptable gradient of Love where it is undeniable. Is that true Love? While you ponder that it brings me onto the subject of individuality. The Concept of Love is taught to us by parents, guardians, books, films, poetry, songs and all manner of other forms. Some attempting to convey their thoughts on the subject matter, others trying to sell you something, and idea, a project - whatever. If someone wrote a poem about how evil the members of a certain region of a country are then we would investigate their motives and the reliability of this source, would we not? Yet, if they sing about love we just tuck that into our definition - no questions asked. (Songs and poems about the damage love causes are typically discarded as a possible but distasteful and therefore taboo to be attached to the defintion of Love itself and are included under other terms) So, why do we not examine the source of Love-related knowledge? Well, I would say it's because we all know everyone has a different idea of Love, or rather, what we would like Love to be. This would seem to fly in the face of what I spoke about earlier, wise proclamations that this is or is not Love. Ignoring that for the time being - we come back to my rule of being honest. Let's assume I am in a relationship, we both feel sufficiently strongly about each other to consider using the phrase "I Love You". Now, if on one hand I can never know if what I'm feeling is truly Love and on the other hand I don't know what the other person's internal definition of "Love" is - can I truthfully say "I Love You"? Secondary to this - should I be willing to wrap my emotions up into such a tiny word that carries purely personal connotations? Lets say my partner takes "Love" to be something holy, pure and predetermined, but I take it as being something chemical and more to do with personality traits that match. They are clearly opposing thoughts, so by saying "I Love You" I will be saying to her "I think we have a holy, pure and predetermined need to be together" but what I mean is "I am chemically responding to your personality traits". Is that fair on her? I'm not saying you couldn't discuss this beforehand and know each others personal feelings of Love - but are we just using 'Love' as a convenient (lazy) middle-man to our true feelings? I often hear it thrown around as a replacement for "Goodbye" which is all fine by me, it desensitizes us to it, but unless we replace it with our own sentences we are just cheapening the only resource we have to express our feelings. (If that means much to you) You may have noticed that turned into a argument on Semantics. Is Love just a word to express your Concept of Love? Is the Concept itself valid (existant) if we all have our own views of it? Or does it sound more like Humanity trying to thrust a significance on it, masking what it truly is? You may know that I am not a Creationist, Evolution is far more palatable to me. To drive evolution we need sex. What's a good way to get people to mate? Well, how about getting all these chemicals and hormones to be released when they sense they are around a suitable genetic match? That's a great idea! And so it came to be. (Excuse me Anthropomorphising Evolution) We choose to shroud this basic instinct in meta-physical ideas and assign it a higher purpose than just finding someone that will just give us children.. because that's barbaric! This is what I personally believe. In an experiment to see what effect eye-contact had on randomly paired couples, scientists (Link) got them to talk to each other for a while then simply stare into each others eyes for 4 minutes. Most reported feeling attracted to the other person, some even got married! Now I'm not basing my whole thought-process on that one experiment, but just as a small example it goes towards my point. Many people say they truly beleive that what they feel is special and not simply a matter of chemisty, but when confronted with a science that will affect the way you perceive the universe can you trust your senses? Have you never fallen for someone only to find you had nothing in common? Or wanted different things? Perhaps, going back to the definition of Love, it can only be called Love when you both have a feeling of attraction and the conscious knowledge that this person has a similar way of thinking or similar ideals as you. Which brings me on to something else that bugs me - Who has ever chosen someone to fall in love with? I know I haven't. Can I trust my brain to subconsciously choose somebody that will be right from me just from the pheremonal data carried on their scent and the pallor of their skin? This is why I choose to remove Love from the equation fully - It's an emotion I cannot rationally choose to engage and I like to be in control of myself if nothing else! I fully believe it's possible with patience and training to control Love, consider Hate. There are some things I can loathe, but I can extinguish that feeling with rational thought. I also believe I could do the same for Love - the same cloud of chemicals looms over your vision, filtering your senses - only in Love's case it filters all the bad things out, you see a person perfect for you, even if you may suspect otherwise. Quashing this filter and letting the imperfect be seen is much harder than looking at the good side of things that you Hate. But impossible? I think not. You may think me devoid of romance - I assure you that's wrong. Feeding the feelings Love brings is still pleasurable to me, I just try to see the truth rather than what my mind wants to see. To me Love is something I should choose to engage in - beleiving in the chemical side of things it is meaningless for me to say "I Love You" because firstly, it only contains my idea of Love, but also because it is essentially saying "My brain has chosen you because it finds you a suitable genetic match" - romantic in the extreme, I'm sure you'll agree. So to conclude: The Concept of Love - Fed to us by Hollywood and Poetry, building an image of what we think Love should be but if none of the people feeding us this information knows what true love is anyway then why should we listen? For emotional enlightenment? Encouragement? I'm not saying that they are without merit - but I am saying that Love is a human-made concept and is used to allocate a grander idea to what is basically Evolution in action. I'm certain I have missed some thought-threads that I began here, just point them out in a comment or on MSN - I'm happy to discuss this further, it's already eaten up several hours of my life :) Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: Several albums were heard during the writing of this (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
4:54 pm	Introductory (and obligatory) list-of-stuff-about-me . : You : . Full Name: Martin Lyne (Might Deed Poll my middle name to "Kalashnikov" or "Xavier" or something odd) Nick-Name(s): Psaldorn, Psalmblaster, Fatty (oh, that one's original) Sex: Male - Capital M. Birthdate: 18/04/1984 Birthplace: Reading Current Location: Southampton Height: 6'1 Hair Color: Dark Brown Eye Color: Grey/changes to what I'm wearing Righty or Lefty: Right-handed, Left-winged Sign: Aries (Astrological) || Rat (Chinese Year) || Free-roaming deer (Fave roadsign) Status: Single, Looking . : Favorites : . Colour: Blue, but I prefer colour schemes and like them according to mood, Black/Green right now Number: 0 - Could be worse, could be better CD: I have 150 hours of music give or take.. TV Show: QI, Firefly Radio Station: Radio 1 Punk show, but I don't listen to the radio so.. . : Rewind : . Most Memorable Memory: Running down the A4 at 2am, naked waving a plastic golf club at lorries Worst Memory: Getting a bullseye playing dart at 3-5 y/o and my Dad not caring. First Best Friend: Michael Beakhouse First Love: Jo Baker, hehe, if you're reading this Jo, pretend you didn't eh? First Addiction: The Internet, I CAN STOP ANYTIME I WANT! . : Opposite Sex : . Turn Ons: Intelligence, Philosophy, Revolutionary Ideas, Politically and Socially aware, Nice Hair, Curves - I'm easily pleased really. Turn Offs: Ignorance, Overly-loud, Too much make-up Height: Seem to go for shorter girls.. but I'm not fussy Hair Color/Length: Any - have a thing for Auburn right now / Any length, preferably not too short though Eye Color: Any First Date: Never been on a pre-relationship date First Kiss: Marie in Dorset. I could have played that whole situation better to be honest. Kiss was good though. . : One or the Other : . McDonalds or Burger King: Burger King - But they NEVER have which ever of the veggie options I want. Cat or Dog: Cat Sunshine or Rain: Both, together or alone. Sunset or Sunrise: Sunset, I'm partially nocturnal anyway. Summer or Winter: Spring/Summer, walking in parks makes me feel alive. Love or Lust: Don't beleive in Love, and I don't want to say Lust - so how about "Companionship"? Sing or Dance: Sing Short or Long Hair: For me? Short (my hairlines is advancing in the wrong direction) For girls? Long. Boy or Girl: Girl Nike or Adidas: Do either of them make vegetarian size 13 shoes? No. Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi (Coke made Fanta so they could still make money from Nazi Germany without tainting their brand) Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate.. Single or Group Dates: Single (I'd rather not have my failures and humiliations recorded in my friends memories for ever more, thanks) . : More About You : . Your Heritage: Working-Class, nothing special. Your Weakness: Crippling shyness and lack of self-esteem Your Fears: Heights, Spiders and Governments. 2 of 3 I can conquer if need be. Your Most Overused Phrase on Messenger: I try to keep my language flowing and not repetitive Your Bedtime: 3AM, body clock needs to be reset. Smoke: Only when set aflame Cuss: Fuck, yes! Have a Crush: I am succeptible to chemical imbalances, yes. Believe in Yourself: Yes, no ambition to back it up though. Other than Aspiring revolutionary. Get Motion Sickness: No Think You're Attractive: There's no accounting for taste, but there are elements of me that would probably make most people cringe. Or run screaming. Get Along With Your Parent(s): Mu: Yes, the driving force behind my Socialism. Dad: No, Pay for me after 18? If it's not the law then NO! Sing: Loudly when alone, or drunk. Play an Instrument: I can whistle.. self taught. Been on Stage: Yes, the guy filming it zoomed in on my nervously wringing hands - That was the one chosen to be reproduced and sent to EVERYONE. Been Dumped: Yes, but I'm not very emotional about such trivialities when there are people dying all over the world. Dead inside or desensitized? You decide. Gone Skinny-dipping: Skinny-running (afforementioned) But trust me - Nobody wants to see me naked. Dyed Your Hair: Pondered a blue mohican, but then realised how I was just fitting into the "Punk" scene, which isn't Punk at all. Been Called a Tease: Only during sexy games, don't think it counts. Been Beaten Up: Yes, childhood was one fight after another, nobody likes the fat, tall kid. Age You Hope to be Married: Let's just say I'd like to kiss another girl before I hit 100. Number of Kids You Want to Have: Name of Your Kids: Something geeky.. "Intel"? Haha! Egads no! How do You Want to Die: Preferably in some sort of fight for justice/freedom/equality Where do You Want to go to College: University - last year at Southampton Solent University What do You Want to be When You Grow Up: The guy that people remember leading teh revolution against capitalist oppression. Or just a good friend. What Country Would You Most Like to Visit: All - ain't gonna happen. What Are You Going to do There: Lead a socialist uprising - bet you're tired of hearing that now, eh? Do You Believe in Love at First Sight: I can roughly tell if someone is sub-genre X by looking them, I can't assume anything beyond that. Been in Love?: I have been subject to chemical and hormonal imbalances yes. There was nothing magical aboutit hence the past tense in the question. Been Kissed?: See above :) Gotten a Hickie?: Yeah, I have thick skin and heal fast so it wasn't major. *Flexes* Had Sex?: Yep, been given the title "Sex-God" twice now. ;) . : Best : . Song: Anything that is truly 'Punk' - Politics and Emotion and Message Movie: Memento Eye Color: Green is different, depends on face though doesn't it? Hair Color: Auburn but flexible Height: Any Articles of Clothing: 3/4 length cargo shorts-things. Hawaiian shirts. . : Number : . Of People I can Trust With my Life: If I chose to give someone that responsibility then the onus is still on me to trust my own decision, is it not? So the answer always comes down to: Me. So One Of CD's that I Own: Most have been stolen by friends never to be seen again. Of Movies that I Own: 50? Of Piercings: None, unless you coun't tattoo holes, in which caes, thousands. Of Tattoo's: 1 (Flaming skull and crossbones) Of Scars on my Body: Countless, big ones on knees - Big one on shin that still re-opens after 5 years or more. Big crater it left too. Of Things I Regret: None, I learn from everything I do een if it wasn't a great idea. Of Classes You've Failed: 2 - R.E. and Electronics GCSEs. Still managed to get into A-Level Philosophy and Ethics, best decision EVAR! Of ex boyfriends/girlfriends: Major - 2, Non-Major - 2 (Yeah, I'm no Casanova) Of Kisses: Let me check my tally chart, oh wait! One night of passion involves more than I could count.. Current Mood: hungry Current Music: Everybody Loves Me - Everybody Hates Me - MU330 (Comment on this)