Date:	2006-04-07 13:56
Subject:	I am loving it
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

My colleague decided to bring her one and a half year old neice to the office today. She looks like a lil football and thats what I've been calling her. I've spent the better part of the morning playing with her and doing no work.

My desk has now become her makeshift bed and she's sleeping on it. All wrapped up in her soft blamky and sucking her thumb away to glory. What a sight: to have a lil angle sleeping right next to me, and I'm her guardian for the day. MUAAAAH!!!

I AM LOVING IT!!

Its been a long time since I've come here. This page is practically defunct now. Not here to breathe life into it or anything....just have to get this thought off of my mind and I need a place where it can rest.

Just yesterday my mother came back home, after being away for a couple of weeks, to look after granny. During the course of our conversation, I butted in to ask her from where she'd gotten hold of a particularly nice sweet dish, that I was busily munching away. The story that she told me....I dunno....made me feel very bad I guess.... And I still haven't stopped thinking about it.

Apparently, she bought if from a brother and sister duo, all of 10 maybe 12 years old. Their father died in an accident and now their mother makes these sweets and the children sell them in the neighbourhood for a very low sum of money. What do I think about this? I dont know.....I can just imagine their faces, I have no names for them, just faces....looking up at all the people they visit, selling their sweets, while their mother sits somewhere in the corner of her dark kitchen trying to stitch a living for her and her family.

You know, some people are brave and they hold onto life. When everything seems lost and sanity is a luxury, they find a means of living and sustenance. For other weak-hearted people like me, we just sit in some cubicle, warming our asses, in some city, far away from the troubles of others and just think.....just think....

There was a time when I believed in the power of magic. Now, I'm stalked by the shadow of reality. Nothing is like what it used to be and it shall remain so...

I'm apparently book-tagged, by a cute but temperamental tribal doofus I know, who schemes, atleast half a dozen times in the course of a year, to place me in tight corners. And then I scheme, and I try, to wiggle myself out of it. But I guess that this time I'll consent to it...so here goes...

Total Number of books I have

Last few books I have been reading

Last couple of book's I've bought

I got a mail this morning, from a friend, reminding me that its been a while since I had looked towards my blog and an even

longer time since I had updated it. Not that there are many(any) readers for what I write, and come to think of it, if I had one

of 'em "visitor trackers" on my blog, it would read, "2 Visitors since May 2004". This inturn would sound more depressing,

resulting in a longer hiatus of sorts. But hey!...what the heck! ...if someone asks you to write, its ok to give it a shot.

Its been a terribly long time since I've come this way; been a long time since I wrote something. Here's making-up for the long

absence and for the words left unsaid.


It does look like I've been smitten by the travel bug. In the last couple of months I've travelled like never before. Its just

been one journey after another. I've seen places like Agra and Jaipur in North India; the Elephanta caves and Mumbai in the

west, and visited a few sites of experimental temple construction like Badami and Aihole, here in Karnataka. Its just been

travel, travel and more travel. And for once in my entire life, I feel like I'm having so much fun; I feel liberated... and it sure

feels nice. But it does worry me -- of waking up one day and realising that all this will disappear; that I'll be left with the idea

that I had had fun a long time ago; that it may never happen again, for a very long time. Just as all good things come to an

end, so will this travel spree. But I wish I could delay this feeling and this travel binge from expiring, for just a while

longer...for just a while longer....


However, looking at the bright side of things-- I've travelled close to 8,000 Kilometers in the last 2 months. I hope that I'll

finish atleast 10,000 Kilometers by the end of this year. Thats about 1/4 th the distance around the Earth, at the equator, of

course. I think its as a modest enough expectation, something to augur for in the coming days.

I have no clue as to what's happening here. I'd think I want answers or atleast find something, only I don't know what. I feel as if a veil has been placed over my eyes. I fail to see that, which I should; fail to comprehend that, which is a must. What am I waiting for? Why am I lingering around here? F@@#$*%!!!!!!!!


A, thanks for all your support. I only wish I had better answers to give you, everytime you call, rather than the silly excuses, that I seek refuge with.


I'm tired,
I'm not being me...
I'm faltering,
and yet I can't see.

Standing around,
Thinking of some nameless woe.
while time,
having slipped and gone...
Like a spirit,
without a song.

Days pass by and years come to an end; changes are bound to happen. Quite a few things changed over the course of last week...

> Dad went back. Yet, I can swear that I still get the faint scent of cigarettes, hanging in the quite corners of the house.

> Growing a year older-- hmm! now thats not something I like very much. Birthdays aren't exactly the happiest of occassions for me. Reminds me that childhood and youth will soon become a distant memory. Friends and colleagues made sure that celebrations were loud. So loud that, at times it bordered on the embarrassing. But it helped to stave off the thoughts of growing older.

> Its interesting to see how one day can change your priorities; usher in thoughts that, seem to echo the need of the hour.


I don't like growing older. But even if immortality were something that one could find, I might choose to look the other way. Whats the point in living on, if only to watch everything that you hold dear, pass slowly into the next stage of life. I guess everything has a purpose...so may be growing old has one too.

Life is definitely not without a sense of irony.

Yesterday was a good day. My 4 year old niece had come visiting us, toteing her pink Barbie school-bag and a motley assortment of crayons and sketchbooks. The last time I saw her, she was only about 40 days old, wrapped in a soft cloth looking so tiny! Seeing her again just reminded me that I used to carry her around when she was a baby-- something that made my heart skip a beat.

Trouble was that now she wouldn't talk to any men, no matter what. Dad tried his hand, but had to accept defeat. Then I decided to give it a try; did nearly everything in the book-- 'How to get lil' runts to speak', but to no avail. But then I remembered something that one of my other cousins had told me, and I decided to use that bit of info; to try a last hand. I knew that the lil'-one adored Shah Rukh, the bungling nincompoop of an 'actor'. Regardless of what I thought of him, I told her that I was a fan of SRK... and boy oh! boy, what a difference that made...

I wouldn't have said this under normal circumstances, even if I were at the brink of insanity, but this was a different situation and I didn't want to loose the opportunity. We had a good time after that; couple that with my love for children and you'll know what I am talking about. Kids are so innocent, they have a small world, untouched by complicated feeling and emotions-- those that keep redefining most of our relationships with our friends and family and those that change the course of our daily lives. They either like someone or they don't, there is no in-between; no taking sides.

I wish I were a child again....

Writing letters has always been something that I have enjoyed. Over the past few years thought, I haven't had as many oppurtunities to write, like I used to during the days that I spent in college. They were one of the only means I had, to talk to the people I cared about and then getting to hear from them, whilst I found myself in the cloister that college had become. Sometimes they were the only givers of hope, when all seemed glum. They were my constant companions, and every new mail brought with it a reason to cheer.

But with time, you have to let things go....



Letters that swayed under the caress of my finger-tips,

Words that my eyes yearned to see,

Lines that I carried with me,

as I earned my rite of passage...

Yesterday...I put those pieces to sleep.

Nothing much to write these days. Updates are definitely fewer and far between.

Anyway as the first post in the New Year-- updates on my photo blog. Feel free to comment.

Very upset....feels like everything is just waiting to fall apart...everything!.... didn't get any sleep yesterday either. Looked at the ceiling; only to watch a play of lights, cast from moving cars, as they swept across the high canvas.....

..from shadows to light and then darkness....

Date:	2004-12-08 12:24
Subject:	To pay or not to pay.....that is the question
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake

Talking about lay-offs and that sort of thing-- we got a mail today, from the CEO, bidding farewell to those who would no longer find "sufficient" employment with our company. We( part of the expendable portion of the work force ) had a small chat on this and someone expressed relief that none of the people relieved from their duties were from our 'India' team. To this, one smart alec commented, saying, "Why would they even think about laying off people(us), when they spend the same money hiring 300 people here, than they spend on buying a printer in the US".

He did make a travesty....nevertheless, the fact does remain that India seems to be the Cheap Labour haven for most MNC's. One begins to wonder.....

Date:	2004-12-06 14:04
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused

Anxious, irritated, languid, ambivalent, distraught......all at once. And I thought things were simple...folly!

Date:	2004-12-03 15:34
Subject:	Jackass woman
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed

There's this rheeeallly rheeeeeallly annoying woman at work and man! is she irritating or what?

She talks tooo frekkin loud on the phone and everyone can hear what she's talking about. Sometimes things just border on the obscene and one wonders if these people ever went to school. Its high time someone taught her about office decorum.

She got such a voice that, it would scare the wits out of the Fell beasts and the Nazgul would run for cover.

So I shall temporarily refer to her by her newly coined name :

Screechazoid Irritantimus Primus.

Date:	2004-12-02 14:59
Subject:	terribly tired
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained

I feel so god damn weak...having a cold and running a temprature for 2 straight days definitely doesn't help. Must get some rest....which reminds me that I sooooo want to sleep.

I'm so frekking allergic to dust and I think I screwed myself up during the long drive over the weekend, to Mysore and back, trying to take pictures and all that. I just hope the pics come out well or else I am definitely gonna be mad.

Blah blah blah.......and more Blah blah blah......

bimble bee jumble joo
jingle doo bumble bee
mumble jack jingle back
gingle jock single boo...

Crap!

Date:	2004-11-18 17:18
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	enraged

Rage.....I'm filled with an extremely high degree of rage......

Don't get on my nerves...I am no push-over.........I have no clue what I might do if I get totally pissed.

Just thought that I'd write about a certain humurous incident that occured last week. During one of the really boring meetings/get-to-gether's of the building association we did something unexpected-- we had a good laugh.

We were at the residence of an old gent, and as the meeting started off, he complained of the presence of cracks in the marble flooring. If he had started to see cracks, its quite possible that we might see them at our homes too. So everyone looked the stark floor for those un-mistakable fissures.

Once it looked like everyone had had their fill of 'cracks' for the day, everyones gaze moved upward slowly. Sensing this oppurtunity, and reading the sign as a go-ahead, one resident started to voice out his complaint.

He complained of hearing loud thuds and 'banging' noices--as he put it delicately-- from the penthouse just above his flat. He thought that the bachelor living upstairs was operating a gym, especially during the nights. One smart alec, sensing the chance for repartee replied-- "He's recently married".

Knowledge dawns slowly... and sometimes in painful ways. Realising the obvious Faux Pas that he had committed, he looked for an emergency exit. Everybody else suddenly, seemed to realise the obvious necessity of scouting for fissures. Six pairs of eyes suddenly started to scan the floor in the hope of finding those darned elusive cracks, that were trying to hide from out watchful gazes.

S i L e N c E...............

Date:	2004-11-16 16:22
Subject:	The long Diwali weeekend...
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm
Music:	Satriani

Back to the grind, after the humongous weekend. And what a weekend it was...niceeeeee!

Friday, it was lunch at V's place. Food was yummalicious. After appeasing my tummy, we spent hours chatting and catching-up on old times. That was fun and it felt good. Then it was the wonderful ride back home, in the pouring rain; 90 minutes of wind biking of sorts :D. Man the frekking hebbal flyover definitely needs some direction boards. Couldn't figure out which bloody ramp to take, or where the hell it started. Caused me to drive all the way on the ring road, through the slush-hole that, Kamanahalli has now become.

Faught with an auto-driver. Bugger decided to cut me off all of a sudden, so I cut him from the left and in the process went through a pot hole, filled with water--which splashed into the rickshaw. So there! he deserved it.

Saturday...Ah! it was S's treat. Good food again. The Patrani macchi was definitely good, I would strongly recommend it.

Sunday, VB and I decided to have a photo-op at Lal-Bagh. That was definitely a bad idea. Lal-Bagh sucks. The last time I went there I was 7 yrs old; I'm not going back there anytime in the next 18 years...no-ways!

Yesterday, went on a long drive with P.

On the whole, the weekend was fun.

Date:	2004-11-10 16:27
Subject:	Diwali...then and now...
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake

The festival of Diwali is just a couple of days away. A lot used to happen during Diwali when we were young. While in high-school and then later during my college years, all my Diwali celebrations were at R's place. It was the only time of the year when we could all meet up at one place, as most of us lived outside the city, studying. We used to have so much fun....

I remember how we used to have wars with crackers. Most times we'd 'accidently' throw a fully lit cracker near P. His reaction after the cracker had burst, used to amuse everyone a lot. Sounds barbaric? I guess it does....but it was fun and nobody complained. We were a bunch of freaks...and everyone around us seemed to concur.

Once the crackers were spent and done with, we'd enjoy a good dinner, that R's mom would make for the tired soldiers. Aunty used to make really good Vadas and fabulous Egg Curry. And most times as she'd get one dish after another into the living room--where we'd sit like vultures-- we'd pounce on the plate like a bunch of hungry barabaric horde. Most of R's relatives and friends-of-family would look upon us with utter amazement, never saying a word, not so much as letting out a breath. And Aunty, would try and explain to them that this was our way of having fun. I've seen many a relative, first look at us with their mouths wide open and then turn to Aunty as she explained, much like spectators in a tennis match.

Lot has changed since then...the people, and the friends. The young fledglings, trying hard to learn, to ride R's scooter and crashing-up all over the place; the biking enthusiats trying to navigate the desolate expanses of the Army cantonment and the movie buffs, crashing at P's place for long hours of movie viewing. R got married to V and moved on; no idea whats happened to P. This Diwali will remind me that nothings going to be the same again.

Date:	2004-11-08 10:36
Subject:	Woooohooooo!!!
Security:	Public
Mood:	ecstatic
Music:	Neil Young

The picnic was such a blast!!!!.....and we had so much fun. I haven't enjoyed anything, and to such an extent in a long time. Everyone else enjoyed it as much as I did, and that made me happier. Organising it was fun, we even managed to do everything according to the time table I had set... wooohooo!!!...everything just went like clockwork.

The drive was fabulous; we found our way through narrow winding roads that criss-crossed the lush countryside. The landscape was dotted with small hills, and the hills had mists on them. The plains below the hills were green with large crops of corn stock that could be seen everywhere. Wild flowers could be found growing on either side of the road, adding that touch of colour. In the distance, I could see the faint outline of a small enclosure made of hay, perched on woodden stilts. Everything looked so surreal that I stopped the vehicle and decided to take a picture. Unfortunately, it was so far away that I couldn't shoot it.

Once we reached the 'water-fall' I tried to navigate along the slippery rocks, and managed to get close to the mouth of the waterfall. I hope the photos that I have taken come out well. Only a few of us photo-enthu-nuts resolved to find our way down the rocks. We then went down-stream to where the water was just perfect and indulged in high energy "jal-kreeda".

It hadn' been five minutes, from the time we got into the water, that the heavens decided to open up. But we hung on and just frolicked in the water, in the pouring rain. I wasn't going to let the rain spoil my fun; on reflection...it was a godsend. I just can't describe the feeling of swimming in a river; that too in the pouring rain....ahhh!!!...if that isn't bliss, I don't know what is. And after all the playing and swimming and rock climbing, I helped myself to generous portions of the best 'chicken mayonnaise sandwiches' that I've ever had. Yummmmm!!

On the return journey, as we found our way though the small streets-- woven in the midst of small hutments--leading to the temple square, and from there to the exit road, I caught the glimpse of this little boy-- standing beneath the shelter provided by a thatched roof, looking wistfully into the pouring rain. There was something about this little fellow that caught my eye, but again, my camera was not at my disposal, to capture that peice of time. And now I am filled with regret.

It was just another day out, but I found that there is so much of beauty around, you never know how much of it you can take. One would augur earnestly to find more days such as these....such is life...