Chris' Journal
20 most recent posts

Date:2005-11-27 09:13
Subject:my time...
Security:Public

my time in england has been interesting so far. it has probably been one of the hardest things in my life. i am still really struggling with the students. it's so frustrating to try to teach a lesson and have very few students actually pay attention. what am i supposed to do? i thought the first term was going to be the worst... but i have to say that this term has been even more difficult. i have to admit that i am pondering not coming back after christmas. what will i do? i have no idea... but this experience has really turned me off teaching. i don't know if i could ever step back into the classroom (which is sad, because it can be so rewarding). hmm... only 3 weeks left until i go home. i'm excited about that. very excited. just to be back in the familar. i hope that i have grown during this time... i'm sure that i have... somehow, someway. i just hate having a job that i dread going to everyday. i have enjoyed the country... but even so... i think that the novelty has worn off for me. this has been entirely too negative. i have to believe that God has a plan for me and that there is a reason for all of this.

3 weeks left...

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Date:2005-11-07 21:38
Subject:a tale of two cities...
Security:Public

just got back from amsterdam... amazing city. went to berlin about 2 weeks ago. amazing again. here's a picture of me and geoff in den haag (holland). more pictures to see if you click on the picture. short but sweet.

Geoff and I at the beach

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Date:2005-10-22 18:16
Subject:broken hearts are never easy to mend...
Security:Public
Mood:sad

well... it has officially died. what i had hoped for, for a long time, has come to rest. how do i feel. kind of numb. i knew it was coming, whether i would admit it to myself or not. it is for the best though... i could not continue to deal with everything that was going on. too much stress... too much not knowing. i'm sad, sure... but these things happen. i'm glad i know though. that is very important to me. not knowing was just eating me up inside. the bad part is that i have a week off now. too much time to think about things. to be lonely. i am going to berlin for a couple of days, which will be good. i can get my mind off of things, and see stuff that i have always wanted to see. hmmm... tomorrow i have a busy day, which is good. i really need to get my mind off of things. maybe it's good that i do have a week off. i probably wouldn't be able to function that well right now anyways... but at least teaching keeps me busy. i think i already posted these lyrics... but... here they are again.

The gift of memory is an awful curse
With age it just gets much worse, but i won't mind

i don't exactly know what they mean... but i find them to ring true to me. memories... can be a killer. well...

on a lighter note, here's a picture of my classroom. we had a fun day on friday... we played math(s) games. lots of fun. haha.

my classroom

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Date:2005-10-14 22:16
Subject:mxpx revival
Security:Public
Music:middlename - mxpx

wow... life in general is so good. it's a revival. even after 9 years, that album is still one of my favorites. anyways... the week is over. i'm happy. only one more week until the break, and then a whole week off! that will be great... i'm going to do a little "england exploring". i was planning on going to brighton or dover tomorrow, but i'm just going to head into london again and enjoy some more of that town. today was a good day for teaching. my last class was almost a right-off, but... other then that, it was okay.

i "played" football (soccer) with the teachers today after school against the 6th-formers (last year of secondary school). "we" won for the first time in many years. i am using quotes because i played a total of 10 minutes and really sucked. i don't know the positions in football or what i should be doing. i put in my 10 minutes... it was fun to watch, but not fun to play. i need to find a good sport (like basketball) to play. i'm too far behind to play football.

emotion is my middlename... still... ha.

chris

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Date:2005-10-10 22:47
Subject:say what you want to say
Security:Public
Music:man alive

quit holding out on me, just answer me...

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Date:2005-10-08 09:24
Subject:listening to oasis in church
Security:Public
Music:frame by frame - honorary title

oasis... i am currently listening to wonderwall by oasis. still one of my favorite tunes ever. i remember helping out at the easter cantata, doing lights or some job like that... sneaking a listen to wonderwall... secular music, bad bad. anyhow... just a quick teenage thought.

well... i've been in england for a while now. teaching... wow, what a challenge. english kids. sometimes i feel like i am more of a babysitter then a teacher. it's very frustrating... i want my students to learn, but i can't open up their head and make them learn, unfortunately. i think i do have to be more pro-active, like phoning parents. i definitely need to be more organized. it's going to catch up to me soon. this has definitely been the most stressful time in my life. stressful/trying time, but with trials come growth. so... i hopefully am growing as a person, spiritually, physically (i am going to the gym ;)) and emotionally. not to complain AGAIN, but girls are killing me too. i am trying to be patient... i really have no choice, do i?

i do have lots to be thankful for. i need to remember this... i do enjoy living in england. it's still very surreal to be honest. i've been here for... i don't even know.

well, it's time to clean my room... get ready to jump on a train to london.

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Date:2005-09-19 21:40
Subject:the adventure continues...
Security:Public
Mood:moody
Music:death from above 1979 - black history month

sunday was one of those days you don't want to have. i was just way too emotional all day. when i think too much, i get myself into trouble. i just get really down. it's bad news all around. i haven't been getting enough sleep at night either, which is never a good thing. anyhow... yesterday is over, and today is closing as well. i guess i'll see how tomorrow goes. there is a hill behind my house. i can see my whole down from it. quite nice... i brought my journal, wrote a few things, listened to death cab for cutie and watched the sun go down. i was very sad and even shed a few tears. i think i'm taking this girl thing a lot harder because i'm in a new country. i'm still finding the adjustment hard. i really have enjoyed my time here, but i still feel like i'm from the outside. i don't feel like i fit in... maybe it will come with time. if not, i'll be gone in 10 months... onto the next thing.

computerfood

this is a funny picture i took. i love the sign "computer food". it's so random. doesn't make any sense to me... but i find it very humorous. oh those british. until the next time...

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Date:2005-09-18 00:35
Subject:funny meetings in london
Security:Public
Mood:content

went to london again today. i just can't seem to get enough. i went with my friend pedro (who i met in toronto). it was cool to go around the city with a londoner. we saw some touristy stuff... met up with pedro's twin brother. went to about 10 used/indie CD shops, which were all side by side. it was a lot of fun. they also had the mayor's festival this weekend. lots of dj's. i got to see robert miles (a famous dj) for free. his "show" wasn't that good though. on another note, the temperature has really dropped the last couple of days. it's kind of crazy.

the funny meetings in london... we just happened to run into pedro's brother at a CD shop. we were going to meet up with him anyways, but we just ran into him. pedro also ran into 2 friends from university... just by chance. if you know how busy london is, the chances are almost nile you would run into anyone you know. even crazier than all of that... i ran into my friend michelle from canada. the odds of all that happening, in a city like london are probably about 1 in a million. i should go buy a lottery ticket. wow... anyways, it was a good day. especially hanging out with pedro. he really encouraged me with my walk with the Lord. i need that. a good christian friend here. i find it very secular in england... it's so popular to go out, get drunk and have sex with total strangers. it's a big culture shock for me. well... that's it for now.

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Date:2005-09-15 23:05
Subject:rough road
Security:Public
Mood:tired
Music:dcfc - brothers on a hotel bed

hmm... today was a little rough. my last class of the day was rather difficult. the students would just not listen. it didn't help that they were a year 11 bottom set (which means they are in grade 11, but some of the poorest performing students). i was teaching them trig. something way too hard to teach them... the british system is so strange to me. on a more positive note, i had my evaluation today. i think it went rather well. i had one of my more chatty classes. students like to push the "new teacher". haha. sometimes i get so frustrated. it seems like the students aren't there to learn, but to goof off all day. i know i was like that... but i at least had respect for teachers. you are trying to help the students, but they don't seem to care. this is all too negative. there are some positives. i am learning (i hope). i need to be more consistent in my approach or this could be a rough year.

now for the cheesy, crappy part. i'm a little sad right now. girls... they just break my heart. i hate putting myself out there... it just seems like a long string of broken hearts. they say it's better to have loved and lost then never loved at all... i don't know. maybe. but the scares seem to last for a long time. i will get over it. as dcfc says:

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

i LOVE the new dcfc. the lyrics are great... anyways... until the next time.

chris

canada house

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Date:2005-09-13 20:09
Subject:life and something like it
Security:Public
Music:get up kids - a new found interest in massachusetts

well... it's been an interesting time in england so far. living here has had it's ups and downs. i LOVE london, although sometimes i get a little overwhelmed by it all. i like the country side, the history. so many castles... wow. history. teaching has been interesting. for the most part it's been frustrating. the kids are so bad sometimes. they don't listen... do what they want, don't follow instructions. it gets a little tiring after a while. the whole girl situation is going down the drain pretty quickly too. well... what can i do? that is life i guess... i'm feeling like i'm going to be single forever. that's neither here nor there... just a little frustrating. broken hearts suck. on the more positive note... the teachers at my school are pretty nice. i'm getting to know a few of them. until the next time...

hmmm

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Date:2005-09-11 00:11
Subject:england
Security:Public

i'm in england... woohoo. just seeing if my picture works

double decker bus, the parliment and me

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Date:2005-07-23 01:14
Subject:disappointment is a game for two
Security:Public
Mood:blank
Music:don't slow down - copeland

it's been a while... a year? i'm not sure.

well... it was recently my birthday. it was a GREAT birthday. i partied with the mexicans. good times. dance offs and lots of cake. i felt like a celebrity. i believe that's how you should feel on your birthday. anyways, the person i wanted to most to remember it, didn't. that sucks. it's not like she didn't know. life is full of disappointment. girls are a lot of trouble. i don't know if it's worth the hastle. i finally putting myself "out there", and it's stressful and i hurt a lot. i just want someone who cares and shows it. is that asking too much? you have my attention.

i'm also going to england soon. that's scary. i have a bit of trouble with my visa/passport right now. i have 4 weeks to fix it. we will see. i'm more nervous than anything right now... i'm not excited at all. i am buying a new laptop. i'm excited about that... (i'm a geek)

i'm working at mexican camp right now. the kids are great. so friendly... i wish all kids could be like that. there is a definite difference between the mexican and kids from spain. wow. well... that's it.

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Date:2004-06-07 16:21
Subject:something about me...
Security:Public
Mood:content
Music:the streets - stay positive

a bit of a downer day. i found out that i can only work 100 hours at elections canada plus working the day of the election as a poll clerk. they said that i could work more originally, but i guess not. i think i'm going to talk to "the big boss" tomorrow and see what she says.

i had a really good weekend. concert on friday, saturday wedding and sunday graduation.

the concert was fun. all you can eat samosas and great music. how could you beat that for 10 dollars. it was especially fun because seth showed up out of the blue.

the wedding was awesome. seeing old friends, eating good food and dancing the night away. i have to say that dancing is really fun. i'm not great, but i discovered that once you don't care how stupid you look, you dance even worse (but have a lot more fun). i think that girls like a guy who dances, even if he isn't very good. that's what i'm hoping anyways. i have another wedding next weekend, and there's a dance, so i'm quite excited. plus there will be some people there that i haven't seen in years. good times...

sunday graduation was busy. i got home from the wedding at 2am, then fell asleep at 2:30, had to wake up at 3:30 to leave by 4 to make it to windsor by 8 so i could graduate by 10. i'm still tired even though i slept in the car (never a quality sleep) and slept 10 hours last night. ahh well... such is life. it was boring for the most part. there was only one person i knew there (3 people total graduated from my class) and i had never really spoken to him while i was at school. it was nice to have my family come down and to officially have my masters. it's a bit surreal.


that's my weekend in a nutshell. very busy but very fun.

i was going to write a little blurb about music, but i'll save that for a rainy day.

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Date:2004-05-31 07:29
Subject:registration at 7am
Security:Public

well, i just signed up for my courses for next year (i hope). i got everything i wanted because i woke up at 6:45 and logged into the system right at 7. usually i try to avoid school like the plague, registering at the last possible moment. when i was at windsor, i didn't register until a week into classes. but with teachers college i'm excited about it. i don't think the classes will be great, but i'm really looking forward to getting into teaching at school with "real" students.

i made it so all my courses are in the morning. i think i work best in the morning and as i get older, i like going to bed earlier and waking up early. i feel i get the most out of the day. man, i'm getting old.

i also found a "new" band. actually yesterday i found a bunch of new bands. i'm getting back into music. (thanks warez). my favorite of all "discovered bands" is the rocket summer. the band is composed of one guy (i'm sure more when they go on tour). this guy is 20 years old, but he writes, produces and plays all the instruments on the album. really good. try "what we hate, we make". all the songs are really good though.

i work today at 9am. i'm really happy to have a steady job to go to.

i checked it out. my schedual is good. i'm offically registered for all my classes. great. one less stress in my life. i like to sweat the small stuff.

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Date:2004-05-29 09:05
Subject:heros don't do any good with heros in their eyes
Security:Public
Mood:calm
Music:the streets - same old thing

well, the science centre finally phoned me back, 2 weeks late. that place is so behind on everything. it's still a great place though. i guess i'm a little bitter. i didn't get the job. i'm okay with that. i didn't expect it after they didn't phone me back. but the same day i got the rejection phone call i got a phone call saying i got the job with elections canada. i'm very happy about that. they pay well, and i'm sure it will be a good job. nice to have something more permanent. it always works out perfectly, because i have a job right after. good timing... again, lesson to be learned, God is faithful.

me and seth went to see taking back sunday/the used/blink 182. i wasn't really expecting much, it was "stadium rock". i also haven't really been into concerts much lately. taking back sunday was pretty much crap. another nail in the coffin for a band i used to think was great. the used didn't do much for me. after 2 disappointing concerts, blink played. they were actually quite entertaining. i enjoyed it, and they weren't up to their usually "potty mouth" explicits. a few, but they mostly just rocked the stadium. it was fun.

well... i think that's it. paul lareau is coming tomorrow. it will be good to see that guy again. that's it for now. surface stuff.

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Date:2004-05-26 21:33
Subject:if it's once i've got it, if it's twice i don't
Security:Public
Music:the streets - let's push things forward

yes, another entry. it's been pretty frequent lately.

well... i've been working a bit lately. makes me happy to be busy. not working makes me bored and depressed. i'm doing some tutoring too. it's pretty good. i just hope i can remember all the statistical terms.

i had a job interview with elections canada. i'm quite happy about that. it would be awesome to get a job there. if nothing else this summer, i'll have lots of interview experience.

i haven't had a steady job yet, but i'm keeping busy and continuely learning that God is faithful. it's quite a simple lesson that i've learned a million times, but i don't think i can get it through my mind.

anyways... i've had a busy day.

been working from 8 to 9. it's a lot, but i need the money and i like to be busy.

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Date:2004-05-22 00:21
Subject:i guess no news is... bad news
Security:Public
Mood:irritated
Music:the delays - nearer than heaven

so... i got a phone call monday. i wasn't home, but they said they would phone back. they never did. (about the science centre job). i'm taking it that i didn't get the job. oh well, you win a few, lose a few. it was a good experience. i'm a little upset that they never even bothered to phone me back. i think it's a bit unprofessional. i'll try not to be bitter.

i was supposed to go camping this weekend, but rain is stopping that. so i'm at home. not too bad i guess, as long as i keep myself occupied. i had a good night tonight though.

i guess this is it for now. nothing too exciting. i'm tired. i've been sleeping a lot lately. things will look brighter tomorrow.

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Date:2004-05-17 22:22
Subject:waiting...
Security:Public
Mood:sleepy
Music:"who wants to be a millionaire" in the background

well, i was supposed to get a call from the science centre today (and i sort of did), but i wasn't home to get it. so they said they would phone back later on today. they never did... i'm not very optimistic about getting in there. i am happy that i got to the "second interview" process. again, it gives me some hope for the future. i'm tired, not that i did too much today... not too much else to add. really enjoyed freedomize, didn't fall asleep for the first time, and i got a bobblehead at the jays game. fun times. and so life goes on.

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Date:2004-05-15 09:53
Subject:hey, there's always a reason
Security:Public
Mood:optimistic
Music:man alive - hold on

today i woke up excited for the first time in a long time. i had a good night hanging out with some friends i haven't seen in a while. that's always makes me feel happy. also, i had a second job interview for a job at the ontario science centre. i really don't know how it went, but to even have a second interview was really an honour. apparently there were 1200 applicants for 10 positions. wow. it gives me hope for future job search's that i have something people want in an employee. i've always had a fear of getting stuck in some crappy monotonous factory job. i find out monday about the job. so, God willing... i have a back up plan in case the job falls through. another thing i am excited about is that i am graduating on june 6th. i'll have my second "piece of paper". what does it all mean? who knows...

things to look forward to is something i really value in life. i find if i don't have something to look forward to, life becomes a little hopeless and i become down. i guess this is what the whole christian life is about, having the hope that one day we will be with our Lord and Saviour. now that's really something to look forward to. it's hard though.

i have other thoughts, but i'll leave them for another day...

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Date:2003-11-23 00:30
Subject:looking back with happiness and tears...
Security:Public
Music:parsin (check them out at www.parsin.ca)

today was one of those days... of looking back and remembering what life was like, 5, even 10 years ago. it didn't seem long ago i was 15 years old. wow... today i found an old picture album of my life at university (it's almost over... this may or may not be my last term at university). i was so young and immature when i started. have i changed? yes, i believe i have... but how much and for the good? it's funny when you start looking through things at midnight. i believe that my life at brock was full. there were times i cried and laughed...

also... girls. inevitable. this weekend was really all about that. i think i kind of designed it like that. on thursday night i talked (okay, MSNed) a girl i am interested in. anyways, it went really well. at the end of it she told me she really liked talking to me. i think i impressed her with my knowledge of hardcore and the nfl. i don't think she's interested in me. i don't know... girls confuse me to no end. i saw her on friday at the christian group at university, but i arrived late and had to leave early. then saturday i drove from kitchener to st. catharines, driving past my old girlfriend's house. always a little emotional. finally, when i was in st. catharines, i picked up something up and visited a girl that i had a huge crush on in my last year at brock. she was as pretty as ever, we had a pretty good chat. it was nice to see her again. i don't know how i feel about her (i think she has a boyfriend), i hadn't seen her in almost a year. girls confuse me to no end. i seem to write here when i feel extremes. this is one of those times. i guess it doesn't help that it's late. to wrap up, an overall good weekend.

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