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Saturday, May 1st, 2004
12:58 pm - today is gonna be so awesome
oh wow it's gonna be amazing for me. this marks the first of five days that my parents are in st. maarten. and i'm here. granted, i can't sleep here cuz of their stupid "peace of mind" but wow its just going to be amazing to not have to interact with my stupid shitty father for five days. maybe i can actually feel like a decent human being for a change. just yeah wow i'm gonna enjoy this so much. no parents and a fully stocked wine cabinet. and no children...its not just wine in there. mwah ha ha mike got drunk for the first time last night at a party. i'm certain he had fun considering the ratio of guys to girls there was 1 to 5. but the weirdo just mysterious had to sign off before he could say anything. mike i say :-P to you. yeah and let's see...there is a bee trying to fly in the window again. it keeps hitting the glass, bouncing back, floating a moment, and then trying again. its determined to get inside when theres no possible way that it can. unless it somehow makes a hole in the glass from hitting it so much. haha such a paradox there. i wont try to attempt to explain its relation to life right now. perhaps later. yeah i think i'm gonna get s'more stuff off of limewire and then attempt to do some homework i haven't been doing. wow...thats so sad. the second thing i'm doing with my parents gone is homework. how stupid of me. but w/e i'll have more fun later.

current mood: giddy
current music: Domination-Pantera

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Friday, April 30th, 2004
10:03 pm - TGIF BABY!!!
yeah school was alright today...we had this really depressing assembly in the morning about drunk driving and its effects. and all i could think about the entire time was lisa and tim at starbucks last week talking about their friend trevor. yeah anyhow, i got back into french after the assembly and erardi told us that she wasn't going to be there for our period on monday. SCORE! WE GET AN OPEN! it's cuz she couldnt get a sub. she gave us work we're supposed to do then...uh yeah right. if anyone has fourth period open tell me! yeah hmm...presentations in science; blasted my music on my cd player in study hall; math test; meditated in english again. it was weird...i couldnt focus on my breathing, and when we were having this discussion afterwards about siddhartha (the book we are reading) and how time doesn't really exist, i just couldnt focus again...its like i left my body and i was like seeing things. i remember that i invisioned that the flag started like smoking and then burst into flame and burned its way up into the ceiling, and the sprinkers went off. and then i sort of snapped out of it and i just turned and meg was staring at me all concerned. yeah that was just uber trippy. hmm yeah drama afterwards. always fun. then i stayed after and walked over to getty with meg, eric, and BE, and ross was supposed to come with but he didn't we got back and i ran over to the shakespere meeting. we did a read through of 15 minute hamlet, and tried to assign parts but cayla couldn't figure out all out cuz some people weren't there...but yeah i definately need to read the actual play to understand it all. hmm then i hung around with meg, BE, and ross. and then some people that aren't exactly fond of me got out of track, so meg and i were standing by the doors, and i "dragged her to my locker" and we ended up sitting on the desk in the hallway and talking. travis came up and we played with his stretchy shirt. then the people that dont like me left and i hung around with meg, BE, and travis. my dad came, and we gave BE a ride home and meg came to my house. went online and ate dinner and then meg and i headed over to the commons. 'twas a blast as usual. we walked around for a bit, and i met up with lisa and max in the parking lot by the "relax your back" store and we talked for a bit before lisa told us that ben was over by borders. so we went and hung out with ben and his friend chris and melissa. the five of us walked over to mcdonalds. while chris and melissa were getting it on outside, meg ben and i got food and yeah...seth's dad was standing in front of us and i totally didnt realize us and he turned around and talked to us. yeah just a wee bit akward considering some of the stuff i was talking about. mm yeah so we hung around outside and ate our food (in this time i also downed three or four packets of sugar) and then we walked back over to borders. i talked with bri for awhile, and then jill sat on bri and i sat on phil. and yeah then somehow the bench ended up turning into a basic orgy. meg&ben, melissa&chris, and jill&phil. oh yeah so much fun. although phil was hilarious at one point when he kept going on in this squeaky voice about "crack rocks" wow talk about funny...yeah let's see. i ended up walking around with meg and ben again cuz i was looking for cara in borders and then over by starbucks. so we talked for a bit, then i went back by borders to look for my dad, and when he wasn't there and meg and ben started getting it on again i went back over to talk with cara and her friend (gah i forget her friend's name) which was really cool. they are awesome. cara's so pretty too! and i now have motivation to learn sign language. yeah and when some ppl that i didn't know came over i realized it was close to time for when my dad was coming to pick me up. so i went back over to borders and sat around with meg and jill and phil (ben went to the bathroom so i didnt say bye to him...whoo...) i also gave bri a big ol' hug cuz max said some stuff to her that made her upset. NOTE-I AM NOT TAKING ANY SIDES IN THIS WHOLE BRI/TIKI/LISA/MAX THING i mean honestly...its like three girls are fighting over max. sure max is sexy or w/e and i consider him to be a friend but still...yeah just had to make that known. mm yeah so my dad came and picked me up and yeah now i'm here snacking on cookie dough. YES! I'M SO EFFING HAPPY TOO. my parents are going out of town for the next five days. five glorious days without my father. its gonna be amazing. i'm sleeping somewhere every night other than my house thanks to my parents not allowing me to sleep by myself. which only reminds me about how effing desperate i'm getting for a hookup or something. gah. its been over a month since my last one. and its like...a craving. which i'm currently trying to satisfy with cookie dough. but shit...i need some action! ah wow i'm prolly gonna get a bunch of weirdos talking to me after saying that...but yeah i mean, i'm not just gonna hook up with some random hobo on the street. i want it to at least be with someone i've met and all. and that is single. whee yeah...still riding the sugar rush...

current mood: bouncy
current music: Reason-Mest

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Thursday, April 29th, 2004
9:51 pm - 10 things i've realized lately...
1) my dad is a jackass who has screwed any ability for me to actually fully trust someone relationship-wise cuz i'm so insecure
2) i have some damn sexy friends that i'd do in a second
3) we all are gonna die eventually...we have to make the best of what we've got
4) drama rocks my socks
5) computers annoy the heck outta me
6) being depressed and having anxiety attacks and taking your frustrations out on yourself suck
7) no one knows the meaning of life...but everyone is going to try and figure it out. even us teenagers. we think we know everything but in reality...not one single person no matter what their age has any clue about what life is really about, and neither do i
8) a lot of people are mean. cocky sexsit unaccepting racist bastards make up the world.
9) if i could make my own world then there would be no hate, war, organized religion, hunger, poverty, and so many other things. and everyone would just accept people for who they are and move on. i think people get depressed and stuff not from themselves but from what others to do them and put them in a state of mind. and then people end up blaming themselves. well yeah...blame sucks
10) i dontn know what love is yet. i know what variations of it are. like the love i feel for my best friends like meg or blythe or jess. but that one pure love for that one soulmate person in life i dont think i know yet. but i want to.

please leave comments...i never get any

current mood: calm
current music: Shimmy Shimmy Quarter Turn-Hellogoodbye

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1:16 pm - whoo i love limewire
yeah i decided that if limewire were a human male, i would have it's babies. damn i love it so much. i got rid of kazaa yesturday and got limewire, and i already have like 80 new songs. i'm in love with it. i have new songs from: coheeed and cambria, hellogoodbye, letter kills, pennywise, piebald, GOB, matchbook romance, relient k, and allister. yeah..the last band reminds me that rimma went to that concert last night. which rocks. evan's band opened for them. i have to ask rimma how the concert was when she gets home from school. whee yeah meg called me on the pay phone there a couple minutes ago. she got out of her study hall just to talk to me. whee. and yeah mike's online somehow and i'm talking to him now too. gosh i love my friends. I'm considering walking to the school...but that would take awhile. and i'd get in a lot of trouble. so i'll just have to wait until tomorrow. mwah ha ha yeah i missed the old people at school too. they were coming in to decide wheather they want to give the school money or not. or something like that. wow...the song i'm listening to has a line that reminds me of something meg told me about ryan. i'm glad that boy is being civil to me again. whee yeah i miss people. blah.

current mood: gloomy
current music: the light and the glass-coheed and cambria

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12:32 pm - no school for me today yay
yeah last night sucked more than i can possibly say. i got offline to go have a "discussion" with my parents about the possibility of me staying alone in my own house while they leave to go to st. martin for a couple days. now honestly, the conviences factor for me staying here-in my own house-is easy to figure out. but my mom isn't comfortable with the fact that i'll be sleeping alone in a house with no other humans. it's stupid. i'm not allowed to be semi-unconcious for a couple hours, but it's alright to be semi-unconcious in someone else's home when they are semi-unconcious as well. so i mean, i'm trying to understand my parent's point of view and letting them understand mine and i'm getting really worked up because they kept interrupting me and blocking any idea i had (even though they claim that it has nothing to do with the fact that i am just so responsible and trustworthy they just want piece of mind on their stupid vacation) but yeah i dont know what happened but my dad just flipped. he starts screaming. and my mom is LETTING him scream at me. i dont even know what he said but he's just walking around the room just bashing me and screaming and saying all this shit. and at that moment i had the worst anxiety attack. i just never thought it was possible for me to get one...but i got it alright. its like...something inside me swelled up and i couldnt hear, couldnt breathe, couldnt stop crying. i just remember the entire time i'm like gasping for air and crying and my dad is just full on yelling at me. he left the room and i just couldn't stop. i told my mom that i thought i was having an anxiety attack and all. my stomach was getting uber upset too at that point (it had been earlier..then stopped...then started again...i think the fish i had for dinner was bad or something) so i try to take down like 4 or 5 tums and get out to my mom that i dont care anymore i'll just do what they want. and my dad comes up again and is going to start bashing me again when my mom just says "jerry shut up." and he opens his mouth to say something and she says "i mean it. shut up" so yeah i'm still feeling all unbalanced but i went downstairs and talked to meg briefly about how i need to stay at her house after dance tuesday or something. and i told her what had happened. yeah and i went upstairs again and just sat there on my bed for like 3 hours just taking out my frustrations on myself and then reading some stuff. i took a couple claritin too to try and help my breathing or "clear my nasal passages" or w/e the fuck they are supposed to do. yeah so i guess i eventually fell asleep and i remember turning my alarm off when it went off and getting out of bed and brushing my hair or something, but the next thing i know my mom is saying "kristen get out of bed it's 7:20" i totally dont even remember getting back into bed. but i'm freaking out and telling my mom that i just can't go downstairs because not only am i going to be late but my dad is going to be late and tear me apart for making both of simultaneously late. so i pulled the covers back over my head (like that would guard me against my dad or something) and my mom said "kristen do you want to go to school?" and i said " i NEVER want to go to school. it's the fact that i need to." and she said "well i'm calling the school and telling them that you arent going today. go back to sleep." so yeah, i did just fall back asleep, and i woke up around 11 and sat on my bed and watched the price is right. and then i came downstairs and ate ice cream. and now i'm here. blah i didnt do any homework yesturday so i figure that would be a productive use of my time. haha yeah right...i'm just gonna waste away here and listen to music. maybe if vincent comes on in his lunch break like he does at school sometimes i'll talk to him. otherwise...i'm just gonna sit here until everyone comes home.

current mood: depressed
current music: Holden Caulfield-Piebald

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Wednesday, April 28th, 2004
3:53 pm - *jump for joy*
YES YES YES MY JOURNAL WORKS AGAIN BIOTCH! stupid blurty server not working. and then my internet crapped out. but yay both are working again. wow i felt so lost without having this since i think sunday. and its wednesday. wow...just yeah. I think all that's really happened is that school started up again. crap i hate it. my first day back sucked ass cuz i had double french. then yesturday i had double health. i like the subject kinda cuz its more mature and everything but i absolutely despise two of the people in the class. i dont usually hate people...but these people are just on the severe boarderline of hate from me. and i could go into a rant, but i won't. yeah and i stayed after yesturday too with mike, BE, eric, craig, max, jess, eileen, lor, kimi and another 8th grader that i can't remember her name...but she's on my bus. we went to getty and i got some stuff there. mm yeah...max mooned eric and craig at one point. max was also jumping around on the empty 2-liter bottle of coke that BE had. apparently it makes a good pogo stick, well its amusing enough. yeah not much to say about that. i got home and i meditated or w/e for english...but i blacked out or w/e and got "yanked out of" whatever trance i was in from my kitten trying to eat my hair. it sucked cuz i felt like i'd been somewhere or seen something and i just couldnt get it again. and i couldnt focus on anything after. yeah but dance helped. i'm happy cuz i have a lot of the main dance down, i just get confused in some parts...but i was dancing around the kitchen when i got home and was scooping myself ice cream. woah random hearing...eileen is over and the person on the tv just said "i'm not wearing any pants" continue yeah today was ok too. i dunno i like how i'm headed now...its not like i have much to talk about when everything is actually going ok in my life. i mean it could be better and all but its not bad but yeah...mwah ha ha mike got his hair cut. it's different. i liked it longer better but i can get used to this new hair...but i like guys with longish hair and all u know. mm yeah and meg got her braces off today. >.< i want mine off. blah i have to wait until february. blah yeah i dunno what to write anymore but i'll definately update later. *pout* rimma's at ANOTHER concert too...the one that evan's band is opening for. whooo

current mood: awake
current music: Make a Move-Lost Prophets

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Saturday, April 24th, 2004
12:18 pm - fun times are coming to an end
yeah last night was exactly what i needed again. i did end up going to the commons, but i didnt get there until around 8. my dad and i were screaming at each other almost the entire ride there about a bunch of different shit. he made me feel like such crap, and i'm like crying and my eyeliner was running so i'm screaming and crying and trying to clean my face up all at the same time. so i made my dad drop me at walgreens cuz i knew that no one would be there and i went and looked at myself in the mirrors there until i felt better and i walked around the commons and over to starbucks to try and find people. i unfortunately was discovered by jeff and some of his friends that i didnt know, and i ran into bri and two girls that i met last night and i talked with them before bri and i went over to borders. and got hugged by phil and talked with jill before i went inside and found lisa, cheryl, and mike. and we all went over to walgreens and met up with ross. lisa spanked me uber hard it stung like a mofo. i have to learn how to do that cuz it hurt for awhile. she did it twice that night too. and then lisa decided she wanted this drink called "bawlz" or something like that so we went over to the sunoco to try and find it but they didnt have it and she ended up asking the guy behind the counter "excuse me do you have any bawlz...its a drink!" yeah so we went over to bobs after that and convinced ross to try on a bikini, but he only got the top on, and lisa pulled one on over her clothes. yeah and we ended up outside after that, everyone in their normal clothes again, and lisa had to pretend to be becky cuz jeff decided to hang out with us or w/e and yeah that was fun. messing with his mind like we had that morning. yeah i'm not gonna begin to explain it cuz i dont even half understand it. and yeah...let's see. i also saw travis, jordan, and jason as they were heading over to borders from chili's and i gave travis one of those giant hugs that he always gets from me cuz hes my sexy teddy bear. and yeah so there was more just sitting around talking and laughing. and then lisa cheryl and i did this little lesbian sleepover thing, and cheryl's mom drove by to come pick her up. yeah she got really freaked out by it. so yeah the rest of us ended up over at borders just talking to whoever was there. once mike and ross had left and lisa had been kicked out of the store i went with lisa to ask some guy about a juciebox for her friend and then we went back over to hang out with tim savanah and two other people that i dont remember their names right now. mm and phil made fun of my fone cuz he called it the "back in the day flip fone" haha i love my piece of crap fone. yeah so i went home around 10:15ish and got online and realized that all i'd had to eat that day was some cookies and some of cheryl's red bull. (which was really good-thats the first time i've ever had it) mm yeah so when i got offline i got myself some pringles and went up to bed. and yeah i got woken up around 5 in the morning cuz corey called my fone. i was so pissed off i didnt answer it at all and i went back to sleep. and yeah then at around 8 my cat pulled down my cork board from my wall. but i went back to sleep until about 11ish. yeah and i have to babysit for six hours today. oh joy.

current mood: okay
current music: Sacrifice Theory- AFI

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Friday, April 23rd, 2004
7:05 pm - ugh i'm so angry/annoyed/upset
yeah i i totally didnt plan on this happening. i made plans with some people to go out to the commons. and jess said that she'd be able to give me a ride over there. so i've been looking forward to going out and spending the last day of vaca that i can do something with my friends. so i mean, i even did homework today cuz i thought that since i'd be going out 2nite i didnt want to waste the day and i'd have good karma or w/e. but no...of course this is my life we're talking about all my plans fell apart. my mom and dad decided to go out to dinner without telling me, and then jess called to tell me that she couldnt go tonight cuz her dad and stepmom wouldnt let her or some crap like that. so i'm basically totally stranded at home, so i'm talking to cara right now, with just about every other single person on my buddy list is either at the commons or at the story of the year concert. gah i'm gonna call my parents and grovel to them to hurry up with their dinner and come home to drive me. i'll be like half an hour late then what i'd originally planned, but w/e at least i'll get to go. gah hopefully.

current mood: cranky
current music: Something in the Way she Moves-James Taylor

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Thursday, April 22nd, 2004
11:04 pm - that was such a blast
yeah i just got back from the commons with jess...she's sleeping over again. but wow that was just so much fun. i mean, jess and i went to cosi, and then we went to boarders and bobs and we really thought we had no life when the only people we ran into that talked to us were my parents (who just happened to show up there when i was there...stupid parents) but then we walked outside and jeni runs up to me and slams into me giving me this giant hug and i'm thinking "wtf get off me" but she introduced me to lisa. lisa rocked she was so awesome and funny and all. jess and i mainly hung out with her for the rest of the night, and she introduced us to a bunch of different people. i think the best time was when a bunch of us went over to starbucks, and me jess lisa and tim were just sitting and talking and being totally open and yeah. tim gives good advice (its not the size-its the shape that matters) as well as trying to help lisa deal with some tough issues. i mean its just like i had so much fun. i dont know why but i did, and its something i needed. its like ok here are these people that have no problem with being friendly and funny, and giving out compliments that made me feel awesome. i had no problem with being wild and crazy but i could also be seirous and its i dunno i'm really rambling right now. but i liked these people they were different in the way they acted. i think this makes me hate avon more. its like, people arent that way in avon the way they are in simsbury for some reason...and i really dont understand why. mm yeah i really hope i can hang out again with these people tomorrow night! :D and whee i get to talk with cara now too. this day has just been so much fun. i need to have more of these

current mood: high
current music: Grenade Jumper-Fallout Boy

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Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
8:03 pm - ugh i feel so bad
yeah so i'm at jess's right now. i mean, i packed my stuff and walked down here and as soon as i got here we heard this car horn and she said "is it wednesday?" "yes" "oh...well then i guess you are coming babysitting with me" so i just spent the last two hours helping her babysit mark priest, a 22-month old adorable terror. he was alright and all but yeah, when jess's mom picked us up we were both so glad to get out of there. yeah so we're in the car, and jess's mom decides that she's too tired to take us to the commons anymore-and just takes us back home. so i'm freaking out because cara was supposed to meet me there tonight...and here it's like i'm blowing her off or something. so i got online hoping that maybe she didnt go but she did. so now i feel awful because i didnt go because the circumstances were beyond my control. crap...yeah well i guess jess and i are gonna go eat now. cara if you are reading this now i am so sorry you have no idea and i wish i could have gone 2nite. *hug* xoxo

current mood: aggravated
current music: Last Train Home-Lost Prophets

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12:47 pm - pasting this in here as a favour
mm...BE took the 200 question survey thing and he has no where to put i'm putting it in here for him yay have fun reading it...i think this is it for surveys today

What is your name?:Brandon
Are you named after anyone?:no
What's your screename?:antisocialfun5
Would you name a child of yours after you?:nope
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?:alexa
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?:harrison
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?:brendan
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?:nope
Your gender::male
If not, do you want to be?:n/a
Your age::15
Age you act::15
Age you wish you were::18
Your height::5'11"
Eye color::blue
Happy with it?:mmhm
Hair color::blond
Happy with it?:yep
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous::righty most of the time
Your living arrangement::at my parents house
Your family::2 parents, 2 brothers, 1 adopted kid
Have any pets?:doggy
Whats your job?:janitor
Do you speak another language?:french
Have a favorite quote?:in the end, everything you do is only everything youve done
Do you have a webpage?
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?:sometimes
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?:extremely
Do you have any secrets?:not many
Do you hate yourself?:no
Do you like your handwriting?:its unique
Do you have any bad habits?:lots
What is the compliment you get from most people?:i cant recall, i dont keep track of that stuff
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?:BE: the musical
What's your biggest fear?:myself
Can you sing?:not well
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?:nope
Are you a loner?:sometimes
What are your #1 priorities in life?:friends
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?:mhmm
Are you a daredevil?:not unless it involves fire
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?:indescisiveness
Are you passive or agressive?:passive usualy
Do you have a journal?:no
What is your greatest strength and weakness?:both: jonas
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?:im happy the way i am
Do you think you are emotionally strong?:fairly
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?:most things
Do you think life has been good so far?:in some respects
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?:most of your goals will neevr come true, theyll just hurt you
What do you like the most about your body?:eyes
And least?:gut
Do you think you are good looking?:not particulary, but i dont try
Are you confident?:usualy
What is the fictional character you are most like?:i dont know a lot of fictional characters
Are you perceived wrongly?:by some people
Do You...
Do drugs?:no
Read the newspaper?:only the comics
Pray?:i used to
Go to church?:forced to
Talk to strangers who IM you?:yep
Sleep with stuffed animals?:nope
Take walks in the rain?:mhmm
Talk to people even though you hate them?:i dont hate people
Drive?:i wish
Like to drive fast?:oh yeah
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?:im used to it
Hurt yourself?:yes
Been out of the country?:no
Eaten something that made other people sick?:yep
Been in love?:its a distinct possibility
Done drugs?:nope
Gone skinny dipping?:yep
Had a medical emergency?:no
Had surgery?:once
Ran away from home?:no
Played strip poker?:no
Gotten beaten up?:no
Beaten someone up?:no
Been picked on?:yep
Been on stage?:yep
Slept outdoors?:mhmm
Thought about suicide?:nope
Pulled an all nighter?:many many many of them
If yes, what is your record?:62 hours
Gone one day without food?:more than one
Talked on the phone all night?:most of the night
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?:no
Slept all day?:yep
Killed someone?:no
Made out with a stranger?:no
Had sex with a stranger?:no
Thought you're going crazy?:yep
Kissed the same sex?:mhm
Done anything sexual with the same sex?:no
Been betrayed?:yep
Had a dream that came true?:mhmm
Broken the law?:of course
Met a famous person?:depends on what you mean by "famous"
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?:it wasnt an accident
On purpose?:^
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?:nope
Stolen anything?:yep
Been on radio/tv?:mhmm
Been in a mosh-pit?:mhmm
Had a nervous breakdown?:yep
Bungee jumped?:no
Had a dream that kept coming back?:a couple
BeliefsBelive in
life on other planets?:sure why not
Miracles?:ive seen them
Love at first sight?:no
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?:i guess
Witches?:um, wicca is a religion and people who follow it are called witches. thats a fact
Easter bunny?:no
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?:yes
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?:ive looked, theres not
Do you wish on stars?:nope
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?:im considering that one
Do you think God has a gender?:no
Do you believe in organized religion?:i beileve it exists
Where do you think we go when we die?:im wondering right now
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?:yep
Who is your best friend?:i couldnt say, i dont classify my friends as good better and best
Who's the one person that knows most about you?:me
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?:relax
Your favourite inside joke?:cheat hail
Thing you're picked on most about?:um...cant remember
Who's your longest known friend?:sameer i think
Newest?:cant remember
Shyest?:i dunno
Funniest?:my friends are my friends, i dont really think about this stuff
Friends you miss being close to the most?:none
Last person you talked to online?:currently talking to sameer, kristen and sam
Who do you talk to most online?:probably kristen
Who are you on the phone with most?:katie
Who do you trust most?:i trust all my friends
Who listens to your problems?:all my friends if i care to share
Who do you fight most with?:
Who's the nicest?:
Who's the most outgoing?:
Who's the best singer?:
Who's on your shit-list?:
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?:
Who's your second family?:
Do you always feel understood?:
Who's the loudest friend?:
Do you trust others easily?:
Who's house were you last at?:
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in::
Do your friends know you?:
Friend that lives farthest away::i didnt like these questions so i skipped them
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?:no
What do you find romantic?:people
Turn-off?:bad personality
First kiss?:n/a
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?:symapthetic towards them
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going:yes
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out:a lot
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv:yep
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?:not really
What is best about the opposite sex?:hmmm, depends which person
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?:^
What's the last present someone gave you?:kate gave me a cookie yesterday
Are you in love?:as much as i will ever be
Do you consider your significant other hot?:dont have one
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?:stalker lady...
You wanted to kill?:jeff
That you laughed at?:ryan
That laughed at you?:sam
That turned you on?:not telling cuz she'll read this
You went shopping with?:i think it was katie and elise and sam
That broke your heart?:she knows who she is
To disappoint you?:people dont dissappoint me
To ask you out?:kathryn bombard *shudder*
To make you cry?:myself
To brighten up your day?:kristen
That you thought about?:i cant remember
You saw a movie with?:sam, kate, skatch....
You talked to on the phone?:sam
You talked to through IM/ICQ?:currently talkin to sameer and kristen
You saw?:sam
You lost?:lost? i dont lose people
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?:no
Will it be with your significant other?:dont have one
Or some random person?:n/a
What are you wearing right now?:nifty penguin boxers and pants and a shirt
Body part you're touching right now::none
What are you worried about right now?:nothin in particular
What book are you reading?:the robe
What's on your mousepad?:i dont have a mousepad
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling::meh, smeh, mm, uh, grr
Are you bored?:why do you think im fillin this out?
Are you tired?:nope
Are you talking to anyone online?:for the last goddam time, sameer and kristen
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?:nope
Are you lonely or content?:lonely
Are you listening to music?:thursday

current mood: bouncy
current music: Until The Day I Die-Story of the Year

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12:40 pm - yet another survey
yeah these things are addictive. theres a website and i just filled out another one

What comes to mind when you hear..
..summer love?:doesnt last long
..Jon?:summer camp
..banana?:oh god
..dizzy?:spinning fun
..Juan?:mexico the garage
..New Found Glory?:works
..placebo?:dietary supplements that only work with extreme diet and exercise juice?:pulpy
..candid camera?:pictures i take
..sister?:half-sister boys
..hate?:sucks more
..President?:elect a madman, you get madness
..rap?:can't relate to
..pop?:for the preps
..punk?:is what i listen to and where
..duuude?:wheres my car
..the end?:is only the beginning

The Survey Where You Say The First Word That Comes To Mind. Yay. brought to you by BZOINK!

current mood: amused
current music: If U C Jordan-Something Corporate

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12:20 pm - another random survery
yeah i saw this survey in someones journal so i decided to fill it out

What is your name?:Kristen
Are you named after anyone?:not that i know of
What's your screename?:sweetsugar03726
Would you name a child of yours after you?:no that would be stupid
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?:I'm a poopheaded really it would be Josh? sure that sounds good
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?:I like my name...but i'd want to be called megami! cuz that means goddess in japanese
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?:Kristin, Cristen, Cristin etc.
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?:prolly...or i'd use a nickname like 2K
Your gender::Female
Single?:damn straight
If not, do you want to be?:wait...but i am...STOP CONFUSING ME
Birthdate::September 26, 1989
Your age::14
Age you act::uh...14?
Age you wish you were::16 or 17 so i could drive
Your height::5'4 or 5'5 i'm not sure
Eye color::Greenish Brownish Hazelish
Happy with it?:Yeah its cool
Hair color::Brown w/ blonde highlights
Happy with it?:sorta...i want to try dyeing it another colour
Lefty/righty/ comes with breaking both arms. but predominately i'm a rightie
Your living arrangement::live with both parents
Your family::sucks
Have any pets?:3 cats-alice, smokey, and hershey
Whats your job?:if you count babysitting or doing chores. or being lazy. or going to school
Piercings?:none actually
Tattoos?:i want a little faeire somewhere eventually. or the comedy/tradgedy faces. or both
Obsessions?:My friends. Acting. Dance. Music. Hayden Christensen. Chocolate.
Addictions?:i'll pass answering this one cuz most ppl know anyway
Do you speak another language?:if being forced into taking french since 7th grade counts
Have a favorite quote?:What's gone is gone. That's the way of the world. We always keep loving and remembering, but the past isn't a good place to live in, only to visit from time to time
Do you have a webpage?:My journal.
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?:sure
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?:too tolerant. i'm too compassionate
Do you have any secrets?:yush...and i know how to keep them too
Do you hate yourself?:sometimes
Do you like your handwriting?:some of it, i prefer writing on the computer cuz its neater and more organized
Do you have any bad habits?:constantly repainting my nails to fix the chips in polish. that and being a little OCD about keeping my room clean
What is the compliment you get from most people?:you are friendly, nice, smart, purty, etc. i dun really know
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?:Welcome to Hell: Population (insert population of avon here)
What's your biggest fear?:that my friends will die
Can you sing?:yeah everyone singing just isn't amazing but tis alright
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?:why? thats totally pointless. unless you count me idolizing audrey hepburn and shakespere, but i dont become them.
Are you a loner?:no...i have to have friends cuz they are uber important to me
What are your #1 priorities in life?:to live. just to get myself to the next day.
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?:If i were another person, i'd be meg, and she'd be me. therefore, i'd be friends with me
Are you a daredevil?:*snorting laughter* haha no...whenever i am i usually end up hurting myself
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?:yes
Are you passive or agressive?:a medium between the two
Do you have a journal?:yup and i write in it almost more than daily sometimes
What is your greatest strength and weakness?:strength: perhaps acting, or if breathing counts then that. weakness: being too compassionate
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?:that i could re-do the past few months and just try to prevent what my friends and i have gone through
Do you think you are emotionally strong?:with my own things no, but i can tolerate a lot.
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?:yes to both. i want a do over
Do you think life has been good so far?:yeah its been a lot better than most people which i think makes me blessed. but i have my problems too.
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?:Just keep living each day
What do you like the most about your body?:i'm comfortable with all parts of my body mainly
And least?:dry blows
Do you think you are good looking?:i suppose i'm not really sure
Are you confident?:sure
What is the fictional character you are most like?:i'm not sure...let's call me sabriel for now and i'll come back to this later if i want to change it
Are you perceived wrongly?:very often. first impressions are usually incorrect about me. people need to take the time to get to know people before they judge
Do You...
Do drugs?:depends on ure definition
Read the newspaper?:yeah...a few section
Pray?:haha no
Go to church?:definately not
Talk to strangers who IM you?:yeah...i get them from BP
Sleep with stuffed animals?:i have a rabbit that sits on my pillow
Take walks in the rain?:yes rain is awesome
Talk to people even though you hate them?:i dont really hate anyone honestly. except rapists and politicians. and i dont have a connection with them
Drive?:not legally...but i do have a car
Like to drive fast?:its fun
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?:i like when i hear myelf sometimes, like if i'm talking to myself. but i hate recordings of my voice
Hurt yourself?:yes
Been out of the country?:yup to italy and canada
Eaten something that made other people sick?:i have no idea what that means
Been in love?:yes
Done drugs?:depends on ure definition. a natural high or like pot? yes to the first. no to the second
Gone skinny dipping?:not yet...thats something to put on my list of life's goals
Had a medical emergency?:yeah i've been to the hospital a few times
Had surgery?:nope
Ran away from home?:i've wanted to but never actually have
Played strip poker?:oh yes
Gotten beaten up?:emotionally/verbally i have
Beaten someone up?:i've gotten pissed off and yelled at people
Been picked on?:yup it sucks
Slept outdoors?:yeah i've gone camping and such
Thought about suicide?:yes
Pulled an all nighter?:i think i have to finish a project
If yes, what is your record?:i need sleep...i'm not an insomniac
Gone one day without food?:yes
Talked on the phone all night?:haha yeah you can look at my fone bill
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?:maybe when i was little...but not recently
Slept all day?:yeah back when i had mono
Killed someone?:if you count poor little buggies when i try to shove them outside and they get squashed in the process. or spiders when they get in my room.
Made out with a stranger?:no
Had sex with a stranger?:no-still a virgin in that sense
Thought you're going crazy?:daily
Kissed the same sex?:yup
Done anything sexual with the same sex?:haha uh...
Been betrayed?:yes
Had a dream that came true?:i dont really dream anymore i have weird vision thingies that usually end up happening its freaky
Broken the law?:yup a few of them...but no one needs to know that
Met a famous person?:yeah
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?:read above
On purpose?:yes...the spiders
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?:i cant remember honestly
Stolen anything?:yeah
Been on radio/tv?:tv yes i think-radio i was supposed to be but i didnt have a ride to the station
Been in a mosh-pit?:no...something i need to do if i go to a concert
Had a nervous breakdown?:yup in school the other day
Bungee jumped?:no thats something i should try
Had a dream that kept coming back?:i dont usually have reoccuring dreams...cuz i dont have actual dreams anymore
Belive in life on other planets?:there has to be. the galaxy is enormous
Miracles?:there are everyday miracles. being alive is a miracle. love is a mirable. life is a mirable
Astrology?:its fun to read my horoscope
Magic?:i may have dabbled in a little magick
Santa?:the idea of santa is corrupted. is it ok to teach kids stranger danger and then tell them its ok that a fat man comes into the house in the middle of the night leaving things
Ghosts?:yes cuz i've seen them
Love at first sight?:perhaps
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?:there is a balance in life
Witches?:ok wicca is a religion-therefore witches exsist
Easter bunny?:see santa...replace fat man with giant bunny
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?:no because people change
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?:that's a comforting expression...but thats scientifically impossible because...well i'm not gonna start explaining it
Do you wish on stars?:sometimes its a cute little ritual
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?:no...i dont believe in a paradise afterlife
Do you think God has a gender?:no because i dont believe in god
Do you believe in organized religion?:if you are into that thing then go for it...dont let me stop you
Where do you think we go when we die?:we either just die or there is reincarnation or something. i dont really know. i just want to be cremated and turned into a diamond when i die
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?:yes
Who is your best friend?:blythe and meg
Who's the one person that knows most about you?:read the previous question
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?:accept diversity it makes the world interesting
Your favourite inside joke?:there are seirously too many i cant pick just one
Thing you're picked on most about?:people think i'm a poseur or w/e...or other things about me. i dont even know or care anymore
Who's your longest known friend?:allie cunningham
Newest?:cara! i met her yesturdya
Shyest?:blythe-although she doesnt seem like it to me
Sweetest?:Travis! haha he always manages to say nice things
Weirdest?:Ross and Max
Friends you miss being close to the most?:Ryan
Last person you talked to online?:i'm talking to Cara and BE
Who do you talk to most online?:BE and Meg
Who are you on the phone with most?:I only talk to Meg on the fone
Who do you trust most?:my music...people annoy me in that respect sometimes
Who listens to your problems?:Miss Porter haha thats so bad but true
Who do you fight most with?:gah i dunno
Who's the nicest?:Jen
Who's the most outgoing?:Cheryl
Who's the best singer?:i'm not sure
Who's on your shit-list?:rapists, child molestors, and politicians
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?:yeah i think
Who's your second family?:Meg's family duh
Do you always feel understood?:not at all
Who's the loudest friend?:Eric
Do you trust others easily?:i start out trusting people, sometimes they lose it
Who's house were you last at?:prolly meg's
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in::i cant just name one
Do your friends know you?:they all know a part of me...only a few people know all of me
Friend that lives farthest away::Allie-she's in chicago
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?:no because it'll teach you something even though it doesnt last when you are a teenager
What do you find romantic?:Roses. A Simple sweet gesture. Someone who will give me a compliment out of the blue and mean it.
Turn-on?:Eyes and a Smile and just being confident in themselves
Turn-off?:Immaturity or doing things that arent...well things i dont like i dunno how to explain it right now
First kiss?:Jeff. i went to hug him and i turned my head cuz i didnt know it was coming and he kissed my ear. how embarrassing
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?:i'd be nice to them and all and try to help them find someone else, or just let them know that they are my friend only
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going:i like the fact that if you get to know someone, you dont have to keep secrets or w/e cuz you are friends first
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out:wtf? socially acceptable? whatever happened to the woman's movement and equal rights? OF COURSE ITS ALRIGHT
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv:ok i'll explain this now: i know that physical attraction is horrible and if you dont like the person you are going to be miserable
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?:sure why not
What is best about the opposite sex?:the fact that you need them to reproduce?
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?:they make things complicated
What's the last present someone gave you?:a gift card or something? i dunno
Are you in love?:uh...with my cat? haha no i'm single. and honestly i think i dont know what pure love is for another person yet
Do you consider your significant other hot?:it would help if i had a significant other
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?:a stalker?
You wanted to kill?:the telemarketers that keep waking me up
That you laughed at?:i just laugh a lot
That laughed at you?:Mike
That turned you on?:haha B and Ross!
You went shopping with?:my parents on saturday when they dragged me to the new khols
That broke your heart?:carey
To disappoint you?:Ryan
To ask you out?:carey
To make you cry?:i think myself
To brighten up your day?:BE
That you thought about?:i was just thinking about my cats?
You saw a movie with?:Joe
You talked to on the phone?:the annoying telemarketer that woke me up
You talked to through IM/ICQ?:I'm still talking with Cara and BE and now Tia
You saw?:My friends at dance
You lost?:Ryan when he decided he wasnt going to talk to me anymore
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?:perhaps tonight
Will it be with your significant other?:I DONT HAVE ONE STOP ASKING THIS QUESTION
Or some random person?:not random people my friends
What are you wearing right now?:black tank top, black bra, jeans, green thong, and a pyramid stud belt
Body part you're touching right now::my forehead
What are you worried about right now?:oh gosh dont get me started
What book are you reading?:I just finished King of Shadows by Susan Cooper, but i'm in the middle of reading a book for I-Search
What's on your mousepad?:some random colours and something that says "pinpoint kelly" or some logo
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling::weird, contemplative, complacent, bored, and quixotic
Are you bored?:yeah
Are you tired?:not anymore
Are you talking to anyone online?:three people...gah you've asked the question about 5 times
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?:nope the only person i talk to on the fone is currently in germany
Are you lonely or content?:a little of both
Are you listening to music?:yup i'm listening to lost prophets

Really Long Survey (over 200) brought to you by BZOINK!

current mood: weird
current music: Yesturday-Mest

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Tuesday, April 20th, 2004
9:33 pm - boop boop be doop
yeah i'm wearing my betty boop shirt. it makes me feel snazzy. yeah not much to say currently. dance was alright. i've spent the night online again. max wasn't talking to me (and still isn't) so i tried spamming him with a random word for awhile...but that didnt work. i talked to carey for awhile too...its the longest continuous conversation i've had with him in a long time. the funny thing is he started it too. yeah i've been talking to BE...he agreed to have me force him watch guys and dolls. what can i say? i have a soft spot for old classic movies, especially musicals or ones that feature audrey hepburn. she's my idol. i talked to mike too...we talked about how today is national smoke whatever you want with your friends day. neither of us celebrated it in the appropriate way. but we agreed that sex might work too. and then he invited me over and at first i thought he was joking, but then he made me think he was seirous. and then he said he was joking and signed off. and i sent messages to his signed off screename saying things like "AH MIKE YOU SUCK...YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF MY GULLIBILITY" etc. *gasp* max actually responded to me...and he's telling me he just took 8 ibprofyn or however you spell it. shit max way to really start to scare the crap outta me. but yay ross and jess are home. so i'm now talking to them too. this now ends my random babbling because i am no longer bored

current mood: ditzy
current music: Bother- Stone Sour

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2:38 pm - forget the freak. you are just nature.
i write in here a lot lately. well...i know why, its cuz i'm pretty damn bored this vacation. so far...the only interesting things i've done today were laundry and burning a mix cd for myself. it got a little screwy on song #5. but the other 19 worked. yeah. i made mozzeralla sticks again. i had them dance. and then i went and sat on the self-supporting swing chair thing on the porch with some ice cream and was just thinking. mainly about myself, but also about love and life and it made me feel numb and cold. and i dont remember getting myself a blanket but i had one when i got up from the chair. mm...i'm been talking to BE mostly all day. hes one uber cool bean. ugh yeah i just dont know what to do with myself anymore, or what i want to do with my life. luckily i have dance tonight so that will take my mind off stuff...and it'll get me outta the house. if i dont do anything tonight...i will litereally walk somewhere tomorrow. i need to see my friends...and certain ppl to try and make sense of one section of my it'll go anywhere anyway

current mood: cynical
current music: Omega-Stone Sour

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Monday, April 19th, 2004
11:04 pm - why do i do this to myself
yeah i was all set to go upstairs and clean up some stuff i'd been neglecting all day so that i'd be ready to watch jay leno cuz the darkness are on tonight. but then i was saving convos, and i started reading old one's i'd had with carey back when we dating. and they are all like "i love i love you i love you more than anything you say time a million...well i love you that plus one" and that totally made me sad and i started crying. because its that was such a lie. even though i did love him at the time, it ended. and when we broke up we said we were still gonna love each other and be friends but that changed too. this just reminds me more of why i dont like relationships, and even if i like someone and end up dating them, i'm afraid of what happens once it ends. gah i hate being a teenager sometimes. things were so much simpler when i was little, and i wont have all of these emotional problems in a couple years either. meaning, my friends and i wont be so damn messed up like we are. blah yeah time to go...away from here

current mood: sad
current music: Givin' Up-The Darkness

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9:59 pm - blah blah blah blah BLAH
yeah today was another randomly boring and uneventful day. the only time i left the house was to get the mail. yeah telemarketer woke me, i came online, took a shower, did laundry and cleaned. It tis my darling megami's birthday i ate traditional megami and kristen foods. Chocolate, Oreos, Mozzerella Sticks, and Strawberries. oh yeah you know ure jealous. yeah my computer decided to be a loser and mess around with my music, so i also completely reorganized how my music was set up and where it was saved, as well as how it was organized on my playlist. whoo. yeah and i again spent the vast majourity of the day online. Ross and i had another interesting sexually charged conversation. gah i'm getting horny a lot lately XD. yeah hmm i also talked to BE about this dream he had...he figured out the meaning for it, but he can't/won't tell me. but thats alright...its his choice to share it or not. I also was in a chat with BE, gaby, and crazy lady. the last one said some things that got me incrediably angry-which led to a pretty detailed yet depressing discussion with Gaby. and yeah now i'm sitting here talking to B (who rocks-he's from BP) and Max. and i'm waiting for BE to get back from his run that his dad made him do in the random. oh yeah...and talking to the random guy from BP who seemed uber cool on BP...but has so far turned out to be led by his dick. which i know because he just sent me a picture...oh joy off to blocking. *sniffle* he seemed like he rocked too.

Yeah it's offical...i like someone. actually two someones. ugh why must i end up feeling this way. do i secretly actually want a relationship?

current mood: flirty
current music: Start Something- Lost Prophets

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Sunday, April 18th, 2004
8:48 pm - wow
i totally just fell apart like i havent in awhile. i was talking to BE and i told him stuff that was going on and its like this realization that i feel like my world is diminishing, closing in on me and then falling apart when it hits me. So many things are different now then they were a month ago, but i still feel the same. Its like some parts of me dont care, and the others are complete blubbering idiots. I mean its so confusing lately. i dont know what to do or where to go anymore. this time is so effing difficult for me and i just dont understand why. i thought i was getting better, but something inside me changed again and its like here comes the bottom of the hill again. if you can imagine a mountain, i was climbing up it and about to get over it, and i totally just jumped off the cliff and fell about halfway back down again. I WANT TO STOP FEELING LIKE CRAP. ugh i dont even know what i'm saying anymore, i'm totally just rambling now.

...i'd forgotten that it stings...

current mood: restless
current music: Heart of a Dragon-DragonForce

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5:57 pm - *yawn*
i'm bored. theres nothing happening currently, unless you count me playing with the sex bracelets i'm wearing. mm yeah i actually remembered my dream from last night. i'm like sitting on a couch talking to someone. and the someone keeps changing between like 6 or 7 different ppl. and people will enter the room and stuff. but its so random..and it wasnt a place i'd seen before either. it was like a couch in a room in front of the tv and all, and i'm sure that i'm gonna end up seeing the room in some house and be like "WOAH I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE." otherwisenot many eventful things going on today. woke up, had an egg sandwich for breakfast, came online. i finished my book (king of shadows by susan cooper) today rocks its all like theatre and shakespere and yeah...GO READ IT. its now officiall surpassed sabriel by garth nix as my favourite book. hmm yeah what else happened today? i had ice cream for lunch and i told mike that i want to go back in time and thank whoever invented ice cream. and he said he would go back in time and kill whoever invented skateboards and take credit for it then calling them "latti-boards." mm yeah sure yeah so i also got to talk to meg today. she was online and i had to call ben for her, but he had to leave when i called so he couldnt come on and talk to her. gosh i miss her so effing much. its her birthday tomorrow. if she can find an international calling card shes gonna call me. mm yeah...i'm copying max and putting this in here:

i want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more and no less. ask me anything you want. then i want you to copy and paste this in your journal, allowing your friends to ask you anything.

so that will be interesting to see what sort of things people ask me, because i know people do actually read this. yeah i also found this in a random journal and its sort of fitting for me right now:

How much can I deal with? There's a point when I can deal with so much and be happy at the same time. I get caught up with everything going on and fall into the emotions. Its so hard to get out of. Especially when most people I come in contact with let me down or put me down in one way or another. Especially, the betrayals of loved and trusted people come back to mind. The paranoia starts to set in. I dont know if I'll have some kind of breakdown. It wont be pretty though. I definately dont want to be around anyone when and if that happens.
I think what I need to do is start weeding people out of my life. I know it will be so hard if I'm not happy.

yeah thats it for now...i'll update if anything interesting actually happens. oh and i must thank BE for showing me that anti-spyware thing. oooh its still nice out...i think i might just go lay around outside for awhile

current mood: awake
current music: Swallow the Knife-Story of the Year

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Saturday, April 17th, 2004
6:48 pm - whoo...spring break
i love those two words. spring break. ah they are awesome. yeah so lets see...last night i went to battle of the bands at simsbury high. rimma talked me into going, so i convinced jess to go too so i would have a ride home. evan lawrence was in the first band...i didnt really like them because they were all screaming and the lead vocalist had his back turned to us the entire time and he looked like he was having a seizure. yeah the second band, wagner, totally rocked. rimma and i were rocking out when they started playing some brand new. and the lead guitarist did the trick where you play with the guitar behind your head. rimma also decided that shes stalking the redhead from wagner, i guess he was at the brand new concert that she went to the night before. the third band was alright, they did play some finch and saves the day. and i only got to see the beginning of the fourth band's set. but they were pretty cool because they had a girl as their lead vocalist and they were playing an oldies song. yeah, i kept looking around for ben (meg's boyfriend) all night, but i dont think he was there, even though i thought he was going to be. so yeah jess's mom picked us up at 9:30, because she had to leave for baltimore early the next morning. yeah so i got home, and talked to a couple ppl online for awhile before my dad started being a dick and screaming at me about some stupid shit. i think i scared max or something though because i had read tiki's journal about how she was passing out at the commons or w/e and i asked him about it and he basically denied having any knowledge of what was going on. but i suppose its not really any of my business so i left it alone. yeah so i messed around with some stuff a little before i went to bed and ended up just sitting on my bed thinking for awhile. i woke up this morning, had french toast, got online...and then my mom came in and asked me to go to khols with her, but i didnt really want to or anything. so a couple minutes later she came in again and led me on a massive guilt trip to go with her and my dad. yeah so they went off in one direction and i went off in another when we got to the store. i had my shopping done in about half an hour, i got some stuff for meg's birthday present and some clothes for summer. and then i had to follow my parents around for another hour and a half around the store. i did see jeni and eileen there which was alright. yeah so then we got in the car and got ice cream from carvel, at this point i just wanted to go home but my mom had other plans. we ended up driving to footprints (which is out by westfarms) and i spent an hour and a half sitting around while my mom tried on about 60 pairs of shoes, even though she said "it would be a quick trip i just want sneakers" she spent over $300 on 4 pairs of shoes which i think is absolutely ridiculous. but wait...there's more. we then had to spend another hour at nordstroms while my mom decided to try on some clothes there. i looked around for a bit, but the extreme preppiness surrounding me was making me feel uncomfortably claustrophobic. i saw jamie goldsholl with some other girl there too. yeah and i basically stood around bashing my head into a collumn pillar thing while my dad was listening to some woman play broadway music on the piano. we eventually left and i got home and i put away my clothes and all and corey called. i mean, here's this boy in ohio calling me! jeez corey you rock beyond belief. he was in a soccer game and he shattered his wrist too, and he called me right after he got home from the hospital, he has two pins in his wrist now too, and a cast for 6 weeks. he also told me that he convinced his parents to let him come to avon for a month or so in the summer. so i'll get to hang out with him and all this summer which will be pretty cool. i dunno i started writing this right after i had exchanged some words with ryan. our conversation went: hi. would you fucking leave me alone? alright. your compliance is accepted. anytime. stop talking you are going against what you said you dumb bitch. yeah now i prolly didnt get the exact words right, but thats the basics. frankly, i think that this will be ok. ryan's decided he doesnt like me anymore. so i can live with that. its better to keep the people who like you and you are are your friends close to you, then try and work to have someone like you when you know that its stupid to even try. so i'll leave ryan alone. i'm not saying that i wont be friendly to him if the circumstance occurs when we have to be in the same vicinity as one another, but otherwise i'll just leave him alone. gah i want to get out of my house and go to the commons or something. mike or max or someone will prolly be there so i would just hang out with them. but parents decided that since i was out all day i should stay home. which is twisted because i was forced into being with them. urh.

current mood: confused
current music: Cadillac-Mest

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