Megan Insko's Journal

Sunday, March 21, 2004

11:18PM - SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!

ALright Alright.....its almost time to get back into school mode after a long week of spring break....... But what a great week it was! (almost totally great with a few exceptions)

I worked my ass off at the Bee's and then to top it off, drove to and from Kentucky in 48 hours :( That was NOT fun......very sadening(sp?). I really hope I am making the right decision with Nathan. I know its impossible for me to have a long distance relationship bc i demand too much attention. But at the same time not too many guys are willing to offer a girls how ever much attention they want. I guess I wont know until sometime down the road. I just know that i do miss you very very much......and hope that we can find a way to stay in touch. And both be happy. But anyways......i am thinking about you.

On a little brighter note........... I have enevitable found my nitch here in VA. Along with a guy who really likes me, from what i can tell. I have to wonder what it is about him that i like so much.... Maybe its that he pays attention to me or maybe its that he is older......maybe even that he is the exact opposite of what i am use to. Very confident, outgoing, smart, very attractive, funny, settled.......i dont know. Dont even know if its fair for me to be with him if i still love someone else. There's a real good question if anyone has an answer. Can you start a relationship with someone new if you still love someone else? Of course im sure im not the first person to ask that but i dont seem to be able to get an answer from anyone.

Its the worst thing in the world.......to have two different lives. I have my old life back in Kentucky and a new life here in Virginia. How can u choose btw that? Sigh.....confusion.

Current mood: confused
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Tuesday, March 2, 2004

11:17PM - busy busy busy

wow my life is so plain now......i do the same thing every day....get up go to class, go to dance, take a shower, go to work, come home, study, and sleep. sigh. although i do love my job..... :) and everyone that works there with me. Oh yea........btw I miss you M-daddy! I hope your having fun up in MASS! We miss you at work! I cant wait to show you what i bought since you've been gone! LOL. Hurry back so i can see you!

But anyways.....spring break is going to rock! I am stayin here in VA with my friend Joy and we are going to party our asses off at night, then get up and work the next day....everyday. Its going to be great! I cant wait. Im going to miss going home though.......NOT! Its so nice to be away from all the drama, i do miss a bunch of you guys though :( Have fun on your spring breaks.....i'll see you sometime soon.

No worries.
Life is great.
Live it while you can.
Or else you'll regret it later.

~BED TIME~

Current mood: busy
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Monday, February 23, 2004

1:41AM - woo woo great weekend

wow what a weekend.....i party'd like it was going out of style....lol. And i got to spend some quality time with some great people! I found some things out i didnt want to, but I guess life will go on. And i have to say thank you to M-daddy for taking care of me saturday night. It was really sweet of you to go through all that and put up with my drunk ass..... *supposedly i was sleep walking saturday night /early sunday morning, i thought i was at work bussing tables and seating people....lol. how funny is that?* sigh good times good times.....i love to hear about stuff i dont remember.....esp when its dumb shit like that. Anyways this is a short one......its been a long ass weekend with very little sleep. so my leopard print bed is callin my name. NITE

Current mood: tired
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Thursday, February 19, 2004

2:49AM - misreading things.

Its nice to find people that arent like everyone else. People that actually seem like they genuinely care. Those are the people that you put your trust in and you expect them not to take advantage of you. So what do you do when you realize that in ways they are just like everyone else, and treat you just the same and just as badly but in a nice way to conceal things? Grrr......i dont know why i didnt see this before. Im tired of kickin myself in the ass. Maybe we truly cant see each other for who we really are, but instead only for our pasts and benefits for each other. Thats truly sad when someone cant make judgement on their own............

Then there are people like you Orange Visor. The type of person that is absolutly genuine. The world needs more guys like you. Not too many people care enough to even attempt to open a conversation like you did on that topic. Its nice to know that I can be me and there ARE good guys out there. I had totally given up hope. Emily darling, (even though you wont read this) you are a very lucky gal. I hope you can realize that before its too late. Anyways.....thank you, I really dont think you realize how much I realized because of you.


BUT ANYWAYS~

Enough drama. My job at Bee's just keeps getting better and better. People treat me so nice and make me feel so welcome! I started training on the Carside To Go tonight........IT WAS A BLAST! I had so much fun. I got to get to know some of my other workers better too :) I learned all the Apple-gossip, and i also learned what it means to have an Apple-connection! Its definatly nice to meet people that have my same interests, personality and intellectual level where you can carry on a good conversation. It definatly makes time go by quicker. Oh and i have to give a shout out to my new girl Joy.....HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY!!!!! I'll see you friday night to help you ring it in! :) (PS thanks for the place to stay over spring break!)

Awww and I have to mention my new buddy Elo! (And I thought you were a little old! HA!) You are awesome! This cat has a great personality, is easy to talk to, get along with, and is just cute as a button! Its amazing someone hasnt snatched him up...... :) Oh and did I mention he is smart too? hehehe

Well I am just taking a study break....my bed looks awful comfortable right now so i better get crackin. Its going to be a long weekend.......one last piece of advice:

~ good things happen a lot easier when you dont llok for them or try to force them ~ g'night

Current mood: complacent
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Tuesday, February 17, 2004

11:16AM - holidays and stuff

what is it about Halmark and all those other companies that helped make up a day like Valentine's Day? Dont they know that they are making people miserable? I dont guess they care too much since they are making money. I am definatly glad I was able to work through this weekend or else I would have been one big teary eyed sob story. Although I did get a Happy Vday from someone unexpected very early in the morning.....that was real sweet Italian Job, it meant a lot to me! Well its just another day...i have homwork to do, class to make, and work tonight at Applebee's so I'll catch up on more stuff later.

Current mood: cheerful
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Wednesday, February 11, 2004

11:03PM - I love Applebee's!!!!

I had my first actual night at work. This is going to be such a great job. Everyone i met seemed really nice. And they all complimented me on doing so well for my first day :) It made me feel all warm and tingly inside....hehe. I dont think i should have any problems with work, school, and dance interfering with each other as long as i stay on top of things. And i will be a lot happier once I get an actual work shirt that fits......right now they have me wearing a mans large.......its so huge on me! Other than that, looks like its going to be a good semester after all !

We are suppose to get some more snow tonight.......hip hip horray! hip hip horray! I dont think classes will be cancelled but probably delayed at the least. That would be nice......get a little extra sleep in time. Alright its time to break down some spanish..........bbbbyyyyeeee~~~

Current mood: giddy
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7:09PM - WOO HOO!!!!

YEA YEA! I had my first day at my job at Applebee's! It was great, I can tell that I am really going to like this job. I had orentation and then started my training. LOL let me tell ya its rediculous some of the things you have to sit through for orientation. But other than that everyone that was there today that I was introduced too seemed really nice. I dont think I will have a problem with anyone. Its definatly going to be nice to have many in my pocket! I hate bummin off my parents. Plus i REALLY REALLY want an apartment next year and I think workin for its going to be the only way it happens. But lets see so far they have me working 2 days this week, all weekend, and 2 days next week. Then for the most part my training will be over. I think I will mostly be working Curb Side To GO~ but then again ya never know. But anyways....i have groceries and stuff to put up, and new work clothes to wash before tomorrow, not to mention spanish homework! So hope everyone is havin a good time in school and stuff......

Current mood: ecstatic
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1:07AM - Morals.........

Its very hard for me to sit back and watch someone hurt themself. Especially when they are a very bright, intelligent, and handsome person. It makes it even harder when I, myself, have no position to say anything to them about IT. Such frustration, I dont want to nag. Believe me I have dont my fair share of things in the past that would make me look like a hypocrite right now, but I have changed and so have my morals on this subject.

*I LOOK AT YOU VERY HIGHLY AND IT BOTHERS ME TO SEE YOU DO THAT TYPE OF THING*

But i am sure you already know that. Just remember, it doesnt maker you any better or worse of a person if you do or dont do IT. But in my eyes it just shows a lack of strength that I want in my life........as a friend or more, it doesnt matter, I dont like to see either type of person do IT.

Sigh......why does it seem like my words are just floating around out there online somewhere but no one see's them.

Current mood: disappointed
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Monday, February 9, 2004

10:21PM - good times good times

Aaaahhh the end to another 3 day weekend! Dont ya just love snow!

After all the drama it was nice to have someone to liven my life up. It was really great to see you this past weekend Ben! I never thought that I'd see you again let alone you drive all the way here just to chill. It was great though.....good times, good convo, just a great way to be able to get things off my chest, relax, and get things off my mind.

Ha, the only thing that sucked about this weekend was the ICE! I have a huge bruise on my ass and a cut up shoulder.......damn incliment weather!

Current mood: mellow
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Thursday, February 5, 2004

5:00PM - who can we look to?

College is definatly an experience that makes you realize things about your life you never thought about before. One is friends. High school was great....you had your group of friends and you best friend that you could rely on for anything. Then you go to college and unless your whole "clique" goes to the same place then you gradually grow apart. Then who can you turn to when you need someone? Its just not the same to talk to someone who doesnt already understand your history. But then again there are those rare people that understand. People, who even though, you havent been through hell and high water with STILL somehow have the ability to make things seem like they will work out in someway. Those are people you dont come across everyday, and should cherish their relationship.....whatever it may be. Thanks Italian Job.

Current mood: grateful
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Wednesday, February 4, 2004

4:34PM - fucked up world

everyday we have to make choices.......thats part of life right? part of growing up. i jsut dont understand i dont know why it hurts this much if we're suppose to be apart.....or together, but we cant be because of my decision, a good decision......oh god please. make the pain stop. i didnt want to hurt him i never wanted things to be this way........how can i choose between a life i have always dreamed of having and the only man i know that has stood beside me. He thinks im the strong one, but only when he is around bc i know i have to be stong enough for both of us. I cant be that strong anymore.....i have to have some help, i have to have him suport some of the weight too. he has so much growing to do, but all i am doing is holding him back. But he doesnt see that, he only sees me as his strength......but im not stong enough. i've had to be for so long....i cant do it anymore.

I ache inside to be held to know that someone cares. Is there another man out there that is loving, caring, understanding, smart, funny..........will i be able to find someone that makes me feel like he did? and if i cant then what? could i live off my own words, "things will be alright". I really dont think i could.

And what about being alone? Everyone has to be alone at some point in time right? Well i thought i had friends i could talk to and run to if i needed them but i dont......whats wrong with me? am i a bad person or what? i cant help who i am. but no one should be alone. I need a friend right now more than anything and i cant think of one person i could call that would give a damn one way or another. I know that sounds mean and im sorry if it hurts anyone. I guess thats growin up for ya. AINT THE WORLD GRAND.

I just need to be alone. Thats what i am use to. No need in callin, i'll make it through just like every other time i guess.

Current mood: sad
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Tuesday, February 3, 2004

10:14PM - growing up is hard to do

what a great saying huh? and the hardest part is love. Its so hard when you love someone and you know you have to make decisions that are going to cause you pain along with the person you love. Nathan has been the biggest part of my life going on 3 years now. I have loved, learned, and experienced so much with him. There is nothing more i want in this world than to make Nathan happy but none of the decisions i am making right now are going to let that happen......but i cant alter those decisions ya know? These are the decisions that are molding the rest of my life! Sigh....all i want to do is be happy, Nathan be happy, and both of us be happy for each other......together or just friends. I need closure in some way to help relieve this strain in my life......someone help me!

Current mood: confused
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7:08PM - what a weekend!

WoW it was a great weekend~ Friday night i went to the best party i have been to in my life! Sigma Pi here in Radford kicks ass! List only-200 people packed in a house- 1000 beers- 2 trashcans of punch with 8 handles each! Man that was a great night........oh and thanks to Ashley i met EVERYONE that was there. You were a sweetheart!

Oh and as for my saturday night.....i wanna give a shout to some of my boys :) PROFESSOR Massey......I got your beads! haha. And to my ITALLIAN JOB :) so good and just too cute! And to Hampel........I'm sorry about the misunderstanding babe. I hope we are cool cause I still consider you one of my good friends.

Dustin Dustin Dustin.......you are by far the coolest. Sorry i wont get to see you on your trip through this time! I really wish i could! Make sure to have fun at Letterman for me :) Oh and CONGRATS on your new house!!! I want pics of all your decorating abilities ASAP! You're my man :)

Alright so other than that things have been going good.....classes were cancelled this morning til 10 because of the snow and ice......and we are suppose to get more on Thursday! Gotta love small schools and commutting teachers!

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Friday, January 30, 2004

9:13PM - oh yea.....dont think i forgot you!

I just wanted to tell my baby back home I LOVE YOU and I MISS YOU! Your always on my mind Nate. ~kiss~

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7:15PM - Wow i feel like a nerd doing this!

Well i got bored today and was looking through by peeps profiles back at my ol' Kentucky home and was reading my poo poo's blurty's and decided i'd start one. Im not too sure many people will read it but thats ok.......its more like a journal for me!

Well tonight i was invited to a list only Sigma Pi party. Im kinda excited since it will be the first real party i am going out to. Its been kinda boring sitting around Radford since i dont know anyone, so this will give me a chance to meet some people. Although going to a Sigma Pi party wont be anything with out my girls ! (yea im talking about you Sarah, Merideth, Lindsey, Jenny, Cara! ) I miss you girls so much!

Speaking of missing people......Beverly! Girl you dont understand how much i miss you everyday! You were the best roommate anyone could ever have! I only now understand that because I have a crappy one :( Well i am going to get ready for tonight I hope everyone has a good weekend!

Current mood: excited
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