The Devil's Journal

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

7:57PM - And She Lived Happily Ever After- THE END

sadly, i regret to inform you that this is the end. I'm relocating my journal to blogdrive, so for anyone who ever actually reads it, go to www.celebriel.blogdrive.com instead. ::Sniff:: I'm actually kinda sad about leaving blurty behind.....ok, im over it. Check the new page, there' not much on it rite now, but that's ok.

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Thursday, October 16, 2003

3:05PM - Breaking News

Fran updated and says I have to. I wish I actually had something to say...............but I don't, so you'll have to wait till I do.

Current mood: bored
Current music: too bored to listen
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Tuesday, September 30, 2003

6:54PM - I Want My Mommy

Oh my goddamn pagan deity, i think im going to go insane. It's Tuesday, I really need to be at school today, but I wasn't. Why? Because my father is a COMPLETELY DERANGED LUNATIC. No joke. I am absolutely serious. I missed school, because he refused to take me. I don't care what the fuck I may have done, but making me miss a day of school is out of line. The reason why he refused to take me to school: he made a mess, and I didn't think my cleaning it up was justified.

I'm sure many of you are thinking "What the hell Lise? Your dad tells you to do something just freaking do it, he's the parent." Yeah well, it doesn't work that way in my family. Everyone is stubborn, no one will ever admit if someone else is right, you state you opinion and you stick with it come hell or high water. If someone in my family says they aren't going to do something, you can bet you ass they mean it, so, naturally, despite him threatening to not take me to school, I didn't do it. I mean. come on I HAVE to go to school, it's the law. Generally this is the one threat that never gets carried through in my house, but i forgot, my mom, the source of all sanity, isn't home. She's thousands of miles away. So i got stuck with nothing to fall back on but my father's good graces and hope that he'd be in a better mood in the morning.

Well, insanity is not cured over night, so rather use his brain and get rid of me for eight hours, my dad decides to keep me locked up here so he can yell at me and make me miserable and vice versa. He's out of his mind. I was not allowed to use the computer for HOMEWORK purposes (everyone's in school, who the hell am i going to talk to?), i wasn't allowed to listen to music (on headphones since he stole my stereo so he could listen to the Magic Flute), he kept making me do stupid chores while i was doing homework like pick up all my stuff that was in the study (or not in the study since he picked up everything the THOUGHT was mine and threw it in the hallway) or doing laundry. I was seriously NOT ALLOWED TO EAT for the majority of the day. And on top of all this and being stuck with a psycho im sick with fever.

The ONLY plus of being sick: I can actually excuse my absence. How am i supposed to tell my teachers that the reason why i missed school is that my father is crazy and would rather yell at me and push me around than get rid of me for eight hours. They'll think i was just skipping. Terriffic. Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow and won't miss anymore classes. Of course this is unlikely since I have to be completely sulf-sufficient. I take my temperature and tell my dad I feel really sick and I'm running a fever and you know what he says? "Oh."then he turns around and goes back to typing and says or rather yells less than thirty seconds later "GO PUT YOUR LAUNDRY AWAY!" Blah Blah yelling cursing fighting crying typing. he's my freaking father AND a doctor. HELP ME GODDAMNIT! What the hell do I know about treating whatever disease i have? Meanwhile my mom is living it up in Britain at her University reunion at Cambrige where I will never get to go because I will fail my classes because my father won't let me go to school!!!!!!

I miss my mommy :'( , she's gonna be PISSED at him when she gets back. More fighting, just great.

Current mood: Dehydrated, Crying kills me
Current music: Smashing Pumpkins- Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness
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Monday, September 22, 2003

8:25PM - What we do....we do, yeah

Saturday- Got in trouble for being a general failure, luckily Ben busted me out of jail and we went to a baseball game, very cool of him, I know i wasn't exactly first pick (for the record i was never punished, like i said). I was actually late since my mom took hours criticizing how I look (for no other reason other than that Ben's family are Brits, what a freakin Nationalist). Yeah, it was good, I was nervous that it would end up with the two of us just NOT talking, but surprisingly this was not the case, although I did shut up and wallow in guilt for a little bit after giving Ben a nosebleed (with his own hand), i still feel kinda bad about that....oh well, I admit it was kinda funny.

Sundat, sunday, someday.....

Sunday..... I.......oh yeah that's it, I wrote my comparative essay and watched MTV all day. Oh, and i sent out a mass email about Best bUddies to the people who signed up. That, was NOT fun. Typing a nice big email and then trying to fit all sixty something email addresses in the address bar, and then trying to send it and having it not work becuase 3+ of the addresses are written incorrectly ( and having to hunt and find which ones) and finding that 10+ didn't even fit, and then having to do it all over again is NOT enjoyable. Oh well, better get used to it i guess. Got to sleep at 12-1 something. Fun Fun FUN

And now, it's Monday, which eats the rhinocerous....

Went to school exhausted, hungry, stressed, miserable, and on the verge of tears for half the day. Calmed down in Paint since i don't do any work in that class. Picked a really cool picture for my next painting, lots of color, should be great, provided i don't have to use that shit he calls paint, I'm a prima donna when it comes to my art materials. Sixth, got my picture taken, sure it sux a lot. Went home (sleeping on bus, think i now have whiplash from the angle) did....something, went out w/ dad and got IOA pass (w00t!), came home, went online, printed out grant ap for Best Buddies, going to eat dinner, back soon.

Current mood: curious
Current music: The Starting Line- Piano song
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Sunday, September 21, 2003

1:00AM - Sry

I would update, but i have to go to bed, I promise i will tm
nite nite

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Friday, September 19, 2003

11:38PM

I've read some of my past entries, I really am wrathful and gloomy aren't I?

Current mood: gloomy
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10:41PM - off on a tangent

I have come to the conclusion that being alone kinda sucks, but you can adjust to it. Most of the time now I'm by myself, even in a room full of my so called friends. My thoughts, unless theyre completely superficial stay strictly in my messed up head, and usually im ok with that. I get to be insightful and think about what the hell kind of person I am, what I want, and you know what? I have no damn clue. I used to think I wanted IB, but now im not so sure; I used to think I wanted certain people, but then they screwed me over; I thought I wanted to be happy, but misery builds creativity. Maybe eventually i'll get so miserable I'll have nowhere to turn but work and things will get easier.

In some way things are easier. I get way more Thinking Time, i think up the craziest crap. little stupid things make me happy> i like being in rain, even if there's lightening, i figure i get struck by lightening a couple of times maybe my chances of winning the lottery will go up. The best colors aren't ones that are green, but greenISH and have insane names like turquoise and chartreuse. crayons really suck for all intents and purposes, but man o man are they nostalgic. What age are we when we give up crayons? there's a certain point in life where you just stop using them, why? Conversation is an skill you develop to an artform with one other person, if you aren't careful, the two of you will lose the ability to share that art together, even if you don't mean to. I like REALLY GOOD movies. Foreign, subtitles, independent, blockbuster, alone or with friends, i don't care, but people who force me to go see utter shit and then ruin it by being idiotic piss me off. One of my feet is bigger than the other, what the hell? Im a circus freak (nah not really, the difference isn't much more than THIS word). Nutella on nearly all forms of carbohydrates, in any cases where it isn't, AS ALWAYS, substitute bacon or cheese (or even better, both). I worry way to much about how i look, my reputation and what people think of me, especially considering the fact that im a psychotic bitch and often come off as a cocky nymphomaniac. Am I? I don't think i am, but at this point i really don't know

Current mood: contemplative
Current music: Smashing Pumkins- Stumbleine
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Sunday, September 14, 2003

2:21PM - Still Alone

"The number system is like human life.

Do you know the mathematical expression for longing? The negative numbers. The formalization of the feeling that you're missing something. "

Yeah that's it, an undefinable something that I don't have. I can think of fifty things, but I don't know which one it is that I really want or miss. I don't even think it's even something tangible, I think it's maybe just my coming to grips with the fact that im a superficial empty person. Not to mention an insecure and depressive masochist. Yes I know, it's a fun combination.

I was talking to Ben this morning and noticed that im also hypersensitive. I feel hurt by everything and one. This might be becuase he's hypocritical, but still. I'm sure five seconds after reading this he'll start IM ing me asking "how am I hypocritical?" You criticize me for things you do as well, or for things that I don't do and neither do you. You say lets be friends but we can't even fucking talk anymore. Not naturally anyway, it's forced and artificial and you know it.

Ok, I'm not trying to just bash on Ben (really). It's just that i seriously have NO ONE i can seriously talk to or who talks to me anymore. Im thinking damn hard here, and I can't think of one person who's a genuine friend. I'm not close to anyone anymore. Am I antisocial or just universally disliked? Combination of the two maybe?

This time last year there was nothing I would have traded my life for, even with school because my friends helped be get through it. But now things are different. I don't know who my friends are anymore. There's too much of a fucking heirarchy in my group and there shouldn't be. I know without a doubt that I would be happier somewhere else, but academically I'd be screwing myself. I just don't see the point in getting up every morning and go somewhere where my thoughts have no place and neither do I.

Why can I ever just be happy?

x= - 5

I need 5 just to bring me back to the bottom.

Current mood: hated?
Current music: Dave Matthews Band- Crash
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Saturday, September 13, 2003

4:07PM - Random Intrigue

I've never actually tried looking at anyone's writing if i didn't know them. Now i think I'll try it more often. I read a random journal today, and the guy who writes it is actually really cool. Thousands of people are publicly exposing their minds on here, there's enormous potential for insight and entertainment. Im going to go around and randomly read and comment on peoples thoughts more often now, see if there's anyone as screwed as me. Furthermore, I'm going to try and post more often. Commitment has always been a problem for me, so is opening up. But you would know that. Yes, YOU.

Current music: Counting Crows- Colorblind (im so learning to play this)
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2:18PM

Feeling sad and alone. Don't know why, probably a combination of things.

Current mood: discontent
Current music: Goo Goo Dolls- Name
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Friday, September 12, 2003

10:22PM - For all You Crap-Forwarding Putzes.....Foward THIS

Subject : Fwd: Fw: Fw: If u delete this ur truely mean(seriously) I got and email today with this as the subject line. I had no other new emails becuase no one loves me, so i clicked on it. Here's what comes up:

Hello, My name is Krista Marie and I have a new born baby named Natalie. She means the world to me, and just recently, the doctors have discovered that my little Natalie has Brain Cancer. Unfortunatly my husband and I don't have the money to pay for the bill. But my husband and I have worked out a deal with AOL and they have agreed to give us 5cents to each person that received this e-mail. So please, forward this to everyone you know, and help out my little Natalie and I.




-Krista Marie


It was written in hot pink and had a photo of a generic looking Caucasian baby. I found my self wondering "Gee, should I forward this to all of my kindhearted family and friends so that they too may help these people suck money of a perfectly decent multibillion dollar company so this little wrinkly bag of bones can get a new brain?" Yeah, right. I was livid, someone made me take time out of my day to lose a few points off my Intelligence Quotient. The people who send me this shit need that money more, because anyone who seriously thinks a company like AOL will just strike up a deal for some Joe Schmo with a sick baby is DEFINETLY in need of a free lobotomy.

I'm not a heartless bitch, I'm just not a mindless moron with less common sense than a Q-Tip. Seriously people, if you're going to send me rat shit forwards at least make them the good kind with stupid things people do, like believe companies that render hundreds of people unemployed all the time so they can save a few hundred grand actually want to pay some jackass a nickel for every other jackass they can get to join the endless conga line of jackasses who don't deserve computers because they fill innocent people's inboxes with utter garbage. And believe me, that is a LOT of people.

P.S. If you don't like what I have to say (or if you're one of those Jackholes who believe these fowards), i will get your email address and send you a thousand of these bilge files, then, just maybe, you will see the light.

Either that or you'll forward them to all the other twits in your sick, sad posse

Current mood: irritated
Current music: Goo Goo Dolls- Black Balloon
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Wednesday, September 10, 2003

5:34PM - Im a Bad Bad Person

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

LevelScore
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Very High

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

I get sent to level eight if I take this test when Im depressed.

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Friday, September 5, 2003

12:15AM - So now im back....from outer space

yes i kno i haven't written in forever, but Im going to try to get back in the swing of things, but right now i have to do a glorified book report of HISTORY (history wtf? i ask you). In the meantime here's something i ripped off Ben

x: name = Lise C Willadsen
:x: piercings = None, not even ears, my ears are too cute for mutilation
:x: tattoos = None
:x: height = 5'7"? 6"? 8"
:x: shoe size = 6.5-7.5 depends on the shoe
:x: hair color = Brownish
:x: siblings = Duncan (17)
+ 002. nicknames : a few
+ 003. sex : Female
+ 004. birthday : April 27
+ 005. age : 15
+ 006. star sign : Taurus
+ 007. place of birth : Calgary, Alberta (that's in Canada for all you cretins and 'egits)
+ 008. current residence : Florida
+ 009. hair color : We're not going over this again
+ 010. eye color : Brown and boring
+ 012. writing hand : Right
LAST...
:x: movie you rented = Ghost World
:x: movie you bought = I forget
:x: song you listened to = The Smashing Pumpkins- To Forgive
:x: song that was stuck in your head = Third Eye Blind- Faster
:x: cd you bought = Michelle Branch- Hotel Paper
:x: cd you listened to = The Smashing Pumpkins- Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness
:x: person you've called = when? last? Brett
:x: person that's called you = Brett
:x: tv show you've watched = I love the 70s
:x: person you were thinking of = who cares? I know they don't
DO...
:x: you have a crush on someone = Of Course
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = Sometimes
:x: you think about suicide = Yes, give suicide a chance, it weeds out imbalances and idiots in the gene pool, especially if it's accidental and really stupid, like people who put dynamite in their pants or try to have sex while driving on a freeway. In the wrong lane.
:x: you believe in online dating = No, having said that I've kinda done it a couple times
:x: others find you attractive = No idea, let me know
:x: you want more piercings = No
:x: you drink = Yes unfortunately, but not often and i've never been trashed
:x: you do drugs = No, who would be that stupid
:x: you smoke = No, that's just dumb
:x: you like cleaning = Nope, i hate it, i do it if im motivated or i have to (which means im motivated)
:x: you like roller coasters = Yes
:x: you write in cursive or print = I write terribly, i have guy handwriting; jagged, spiky and all over the place, not that stupid loopy fluffy stuff other girls have, my penmanship has nuts.
:x: you carry a donor card = Yes, everyone should. If you die you could be saving the lives of so many people, it's like a get into heaven for free card
FOR OR AGAINST...
:x: long distance relationships = Spread the love, and if that means spreading it over 500 miles, yay for you
:x: using someone = Depends
:x: suicide = Iunno really. If you are really really truly unhappy and have a horrible life (and i mean universally horrible. not you failed a test or your parents split up, or you can't afford to buy anymore drugs) It's the person's decision, not anyone elses
:x: killing people = Again, it depends, im not saying id do it or make it a hobby or anything, but im pro capital punishment
:x: teenage smoking = not for me, strongly discourage those i know from doing it, but people are stupid and it's not like me saying this will change them
:x: doing drugs = people who do these things are total jackasses, go eat some chocolate for Christ's sake
:x: driving drunk = Against
:x: gay/lesbian relationships = Love is the most wonderful thing anyone can ever have, it's what keeps some people alive. No one should ever be able to try and bring two people who care about each other down.
:x: soap operas = Against
HAVE YOU...
:x: ever cried over a girl= I don't think so
:x: ever cried over a boy= Yes
:x: ever lied to someone = Yes
:x: ever been in a fist fight = Yes
:x: ever been arrested = Sort Of
FAVORITE...
:x: disney movie - I have a lot actually
:x: word - Deck, Nifty, Spiffy (which are all the same word) and Gwar (like MEH)
:x: nickname - iunno
:x: guy name - iunno
:x: girl name - I don't know
:x: eye color- Green/blue something, its a very specific color, I know it when i see it
:x: flower - Orchids, they're beautiful and exotic, but they look deadly and poisonous too
:x: piercing - None
:x: actor - Too many, you'd have to give me a reason Like Favorite actor with Abs, or Favorite Actor from XYZ Country
:x: actress - As Above
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
:x: pretty - Not really
:x: funny - Sardonic and caustic is more to the point
:x: hot - No
:x: friendly - I can be, It depends on YOU
:x: amusing - Indeed
:x: ugly - sometimes
:x: loveable - Screw it, you going to have to tell me the rest. Actually you can just tell me about all of them cuz i really don't know
:x: caring -
:x: sweet -
:x: dorky -
BODY iLLS + SKiLLS
+ 013. do you bite your nails : No
+ 014. can you roll your tongue : Yep
+ 016. can you raise one eyebrow at a time : Yep
+ 017. can you blow smoke rings : Never Tried, probably
+ 019. can you cross your eyes : Yes
+ 020. colored hair : ? wtf?
+ 021. tattoos and where : None
+ 022. piercings and where : None
+ 023. do you make your bed daily : No, but i try
+ 024. what goes on first bra or underwear : They're both underwear technically, but i put the bottom one on first
+ 025. which shoe goes on first : Right
+ 036. speaking of shoes, have you thrown one at someone : Oh god yes
+ 037. how much money is usually in your wallet : More than i should have in there at one time, esp at school
+ 038. what jewelry do you wear 24/7 : My Claddagh Ring(the one with two hands and a heart with a crown on it), Im not Irish by blood (which is what the Ring symbolizes), but my stepgrandfather who died last year is. Was. I miss him. The other thing i used to wear all the time somehow got stolen which sux cuz i really really loved it.
+ 039. whats sexiest on a guy : A lot of things, it depends on the guy. if youre a guy and you ask me whats sexiest about you, I'll tell you, but it'll be different from the next guy.
+ 040. whats sexiest on a gurl : Intelligence. I don't care how pretty you are, if youre stupid, you got NUTHIN. Gents, you can only stare at a girl for so long, then you have to start hearing things.
+ 041. would you rather be on time and look ok or late and look great : Late. Because that's how I always am. Iunno if i look good tho.
+ 042. do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it : twirl it of course, you think im some American Philistine or something?
+ 043. how many cereals are in your cabinet : 6
+ 044. what utensils do you use eating pizza : Fork and Knife often, or hands, depends on where i am and what the pizza is. Situations alter etiquette
+ 045. do you cook : Sometimes
____GROOMiNG
+ 046. how often do you brush your teeth : In the morning always, and night unless im totally trashed or had an all-nighter (academic or recreational). Sometimes i just have to say "fuck it" and take of my jeans and flop on my bed and leave it at that.
+ 047. how often do you shower/bathe : Every morning, sometimes twice a day if im nasty. Or if i've been doing something nasty. Like work.
+ 048. how long do these showers last : god knows. about 15 minutes on school mornings add about 10 more if its winter or if Im washing my hair. Add 5 more if its the weekend.
+ 049. hair drying method : VERY COMPLICATED however it does not involve a hairdryer. Go figure. Being a 1/4 black does nothing but fuck with your hair
+ 050. do you paint your nails : yes, quite often. Esp late at night when i can't sleep
+ 051. do you swear : Oh for Fuck's sake, what a stupid question
+ 052. do you mumble to yourself : Sure
+ 053. do you spit in public : No
+ 054. do you pee in the shower : Anyone who says they've never done this is lying.
+ 055. in the cd player : CDs (der)
+ 056. person you talk most on the phone with : I don't know
+ 057. what color is your bedroom : Uh, multi. it has murals on the wall. But it's mostly pink. This must change
+ 058. do you use an alarm clock : NO, my circadian rhythms are set so i automatically get up at 4:30 by choice
+ 059. name one thing or person you're obsessed with?: don matter
+ 060. have you ever skinny dipped with the opposite sex : No
+ 061. ever sunbathed in the nude: No no one wants sunburn on their sensitive bits, plus Melanoma BAD
+ 062. window seat or aisle : window
+ 063. whats your sleeping position : Varies
+ 064. what kind of bed do you like : Mine ...or maybe yours......
+ 065. in hot weather do you use a blanket : I have two blankets, one thin one(basically, just a sheet) and a thick one, i switch between them.
+ 066. do you snore : Sometimes
+ 067. do you sleepwalk : Nope
+ 068. do you talk in your sleep : I don't think so
+ 070. how about the light on : No. must be dark. VERY dark.
+ 071. do you fall asleep with the tv or radio on : No i turn it off first. CONSERVE ENERGY
____WHEN WAS THE LAST TiME YOU
+ 072. had sex : hold on................ok, one minute ago. j/p
+ 073. were kissed or kissed someone : Not that long ago.........
+ 074. watched bambi : Years
+ 075. cried : This morning
+ 076. talked on the phone : Yesterday
+ 077. read a book : About 10 mins ago
+ 078. punched someone : I don't know
+ 079. where do you see yourself ten years from now : Exactly? Sleeping, it's 11:20
+ 080. who are you gonna be married to and where : No Clue
+ 081. how many kids do you want to have : 2
+ 082. your profession : Anaesthesiologist
+ 083. future college : In a perfect world, Trinity College at Cambridge University, UK (all the Ivy leagues combined can't afford to kiss Cabridge's ass)
_____FRIENDS
+ 084. who is your best friend : Lauren
+ 085. what friend do you hang out with the most : Lauren or Brett
+ 086. what friend makes you smile the most : All my friends, we are all equally stupid, but funny
+ 087. friend that you fight with the most : Ben, but in a very good way. Cept we don really talk much anymore, which really sucks. No one understands the method to my madness like Ben. Probably because my madness is generally his too.
+ 088. one you talk to the most online : iunno
+ 089. friend that you miss the most : I don't know
___DO YOU LIKE
+ 096. pop music : Yes
+ 097. rock music : yeah
+ 098. punk music : yeah
+ 099. rap music : yeah
+ 100. hip-Hop/RB : Yeah
+ 101. country : Not particularly, a little goes a LONG way, but i like all music
+ 102. jazz : sometimes
+ 103. classical : Sure
+ 104. new age: why not
+ 105. what is one band/singer you absolutely love that no one else does or seems to have heard about : Not many
-_-_-_- LoVe -_-_-_-
+ 106. you have a boy/girlfriend : Not at the moment
+ 107. do they have a name :No
+ 108. would you call it love :No
+ 109. ever had a longer realationship : everything is more than nothing
+ 110. do you have a crush : Always
+ 111. name : What's the point? i hate it when things are one-sided
+ 112. do you think it will work : If guys weren't so stupid...and the Fates didn't hate me so much

Current mood: busy
Current music: The Smashing Pumpkins: Zero
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Thursday, August 7, 2003

1:15PM - Exsqueeze me?

Did I actually write that I miss school down there? What an idiot.

Current mood: crappy
Current music: Lit- My Own Worst Enemy
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12:50PM - Self Actualization? Or Cold Feet?

Yeah, I have four days of quasi-freedom left (im still under house arrest for alleged fornication with....well nevermind, this is complete and utter BULLSHIT, much to my disappointment and dismay.........j/k) , and I have accomplished nothing in particular. I still don't know my bus schedule, so there's still a slim chance I won't be going back to IB this year, a mixed blessing I suppose. Part of me really wants to go back, and part of me would be happy to never set foot on campus again. I don't know, maybe I'd be happier somewhere else. I mean yeah duh it's the best thing I could do academically, but what if I can't even handle that? The only difference between my classes for IB this year and the ones I'd be taking at Olympia is ONE CLASS. And it's not like I'd have to start over and try to make new friends at Olympia either. I'm honestly not sure I want to spend my entire high school career staying up still 12:30 and then getting up at 4:00 in the morning. It doesn't exactly offer for a lot of fun time, and GOD KNOWS I need that. Im hungry, I'll come back and debate this later.

Current mood: confused
Current music: Michelle Branch- Sweet Misery
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Wednesday, August 6, 2003

1:33PM - Misery loves company, namely me

I am so fucking depressed it makes me want to puke, but instead I decided to write about it. If you come back in your next life as me, I'm really, really, really, really sorry.

Current mood: depressed
Current music: Fuel- Hemorrhage
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Sunday, July 20, 2003

9:47PM - Don't use empty sentence fillers

So….



I am me, and you are you;

Yet we're the same it seems;

Your the girl I'd come to think of;

Only in my Dreams.



I'd lie asleep, and think of her;

and all the things I'd say;

When I met that perfect girl;

On that fateful day.



But now that day has come and gone;

And it worked out for the best;

Yet every time I talk to her;

I feel like it's a test.



If I talk to sweet and sappy;

I'm afraid that she won't stay;

But if I talk like just a friend;

My feelings are locked away.



I know your here, I know your reading;

So please just let me know;

I'm tired of thinking a million things;

But only saying 'So....'




Always say what you feel, even if you know that whoever you're talking to can read your mind

Current mood: loved
Current music: Goo Goo Dolls: Here is Gone
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Monday, July 14, 2003

11:31AM - Same Bat Time, Same Bat Place

Snooze...... life has become somewhat improved of late. Improved meaning I have actually been doing some stuff.

Went to longboat key to stay with Lauren's family for 4 days. Julian was there too, and some friend of Olivia's. They rented this house from these two freaky old geriatrics. (I say freaky because they left their porn, TWO vibrators, numerous sex books, a nude tennis tape, AND a keegle-exerciser at the house. When people are renting out your home, there are certain things you should lock in the garden shed or closet. Plus these people are like 900 years old, who wants to think about 900 year old people doi--- NEVERMIND, too scary.) Went shopping on the way home, an exceedingly depressing trip for me (im not putting specifics but lets just say I'm taking a rigorous week long fast. Before you all freak out and yell at me, bear in mind that fasting Lise-style is more like eating three lychees and a cookie every 4 hours, and I still eat when im out, social situations are immensely improved by food.) So yeah came back on Thursday at 5:50 so i had to rush back out again

On friday.......jeez what did I do on friday.....think think think......Oh yeah there it is, went with Mom, Duncan, Ryan-friend-of-Duncan, and Joey to see Pirates of the Caribbean at Festival Bay(awesome movie, if anyone is going to see it call me) unfortunately didin't get to do as much shopping as I wanted but that's how it always is (can you tell im a shopping junkie?)

Yesterday......we (that is everyone but my anti-human Dad) were going to go to Dim Sum because Lise likes Dim Sum, but in the grand tradition of Lise MUST get screwed over, mom took too long to get ready so we got Cuban instead and then....surprise--Went shopping. hehehe. Came home, talked to Ben, ate dinner, talked to Ben, did....something...went to bed.

Current mood: hungry
Current music: Loudermlik- Attached at the Mouth
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Friday, July 4, 2003

7:59PM - blah blah blah blah blah

You are Brian!
You are Brian Molko!


Who are you?
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Actually no, I am not this man... I have never been this man... who is this man anyways?...


Im extremely bored, like usual. Going over to Ryan's later for fireworks, dessert, swimming and crap. i'll tell you how it was after i get back. If anyone is planning on doing anything anytime soon, let me know. Im dying of lack of social exposure.

Current music: Dave Matthews Band:
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Thursday, July 3, 2003

11:28PM - what I am and what i do (help im addicted to online quizzes)

eating people
YOU EAT PEOPLE!!!


what's YOUR deepest secret?
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Do YOU think i eat people?

fuck
your fuck.


What swear word are you?
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my favorite sentence enhancer, one of the English languages most resilient words.


You are Pyrokinetic!


What's Your Magic Power?
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Duh, pyromania is my fetish

You're Perfect ^^
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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d00d, her hair is pink. Who thinks pink hair is perfect?

Barbie Got Back
Barbie Got Back! Go you! You're the closest thing
ever to a true black Barbie. Shake that fat
ass of yours.


If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
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Absolutely true. How can I argue?

The Lost Soul
The Lost Soul


What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
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I'm going to Hell because I kill children and eat them!
You kill and eat little children, and probably
molest their corpses.

You're not trying
hard enough, though, because there's still
plenty of assholes in the world! You might go
to Heaven if you can thin the herd a bit. The
Lord hates fuckers hanging around and messing
up His Creation, after all. HOP TO
IT.

Sicko.


Why Will You Go To Hell?
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Im not THAT bad am I? If you think I'm going to hell leave a comment. If you'll be keeping me company let me know so I can remember to bring some cards.

pure
pure


What's YOUR sexual fetish?
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Actually my fetish didn't really fit into any of the other categories...

More later

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