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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2012.12.08  11.04
not to be mean..


I don't say this cuz I'm mean or anything pero me dio tanto gusto escuchar como la mandaron a la mierda! Lmaaoooo



Mood: amused
Music: usher - OMG ft Will I Am
 
 


 
  2012.05.02  19.01
new routine


So now that I have my own place my new daily routine is this :

Wake up at 6 or 6:30 to get me and kids ready. I have to have everything set till before 7 but obviously we all know that never happens lol

By 7:15 we gotta be out the door and headin to my in law's to leave dan while I go drop max off at school.
By this time its already about 7:45 to 7:50 and I'm rushin wit max to get there before 8.

Once he's at school I can finally head to work and I used to be running to make it in before 9 which was only on miraculous days but I asked to get in at 9:30 so ahora estoy mas tranquila on that part.

So I get out of work at 5:30 and I get to my in law's at about 6:30 to 7. Depends on the car and traffic. I pick up both my kids and head home and I get there at around 8:30 or so. Then I gotta make dinner, do homework with max cuz he doesn't do shit during the day and finally go to bed at around 11.

I think I need a car. I've talked to Gabriel about gettin one but he wants one for his use I know and I want one for my own use. I don't like having to take taxi's everywhere but I have no choice if I'm running around wit kids all over the place. I'm gettin old so quick. I'm all stressed and worn out. This year se esta pasando volando. Anywayz gotta take care of mah bebes now. Ttyl!!



Mood: tired
Music: max doin homework is music to my ears!
 
 


 
  2008.12.21  18.10
Inventory at Vistony


Man! This sucks. Every time that I take a moment to write I'm always at work. I'ma get internet in my house soon enough. These days we should have it.

Right now I'm at work in an Inventory. Everyone's bitching cuz we keep counting and counting and nothing fits. Nothings right. We're all just waiting for everything to be finished. Sitting around..chatting. I wanna get home already.. and see my son. My baby's waiting for me at home.

I wanted to go out and shop for x-mas today, but I'm here...at the office waiting for the systems engineer to finish counting up everything thats in the storage. I already told my friend, Jose, to go shopping tomorrow. We're gonna go with some other people cuz I haven't gotten anything for anyone. Just shoes for Max, Gabriel, and Me. I love my shoes they're so cute. And Max's shoes. They're mad cute too♥!

So I already told my boss that I'm quitting. I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but yeah I already told my boss that I'm leaving. I'ma start working with my sister at this other company in February.

My brother already came from the US, but it seems he doesn't like the way that we live cuz he seems a little unhappy, or uncomfortable. Honestly I feel as if he came from like another world. I don't know what happened to him that he doesn't want to return to the US. I don't understand how he could feel like that when I'm dying to return. To see the places that I grew up in. To see my friends.. or the only ones that I still talk to which is like only one. I want to take my son to live somewhere better. I don't know. I feel like nobody can understand me right now.

I have a boyfriend, and he's nice and all, but I still don't feel comfortable enough to tell him everything that I have inside my head. Everything that I'm thinking. My future plans. I don't know how to get started. I was talking to my friend today during the whole inventory about my doubts, my fears, my confusions and well, all he could was listen to me. He was telling me too about his wife, his family, everything. We talked about my boyfriend too cuz he knows him more years than I do. I honestly don't know what to think about him. I'm a little confused. See, I haven't been with anyone since John and I don't know if I can trust him. If I can believe him when he tells me that he's not just playing with me, when he tells me that he wants a serious relationship. At first I straight out told him that I didn't beleive him, but I don't know what's going on. He's so nice, and respectful. He takes me out and listens to me. Eventhough he talks more than I do lol. But when I tell him anything he's always there. He calls me, he send me txt msgs to my celly. As soon as I get outta here I know he's gonna be waiting for me to take me home. He's really sweet, but I honestly can't say that I trust him enough to say that I'd do anything for him or anything. Yeah, well, the other day I had this little issue with his ex-g/f that works here too, but she works in another area. Yeah I felt a bit uncomfortable cuz she was all asking me if I was dating him. I didn't want to talk about it so I just told her no cuz honestly at that moment I didn't know if we were together or not. We were just dating but there was nothing else. Now we are.

Aside from that, I miss Max right now. I want to get home as soon as possible and take some cash out my bank account to go shopping tomorrow. I want this X-mas to be nice, taking advantage of the fact that my family's together again.

I have a headache...and it looks like we're going to be here till 7:00.

I can't wait to stop working here. I hate saying it but it's true. I'm sorry but yeah man. I feel so stressed right now. I wanna go work closer to my house. I have a headache right now. I wanna sleep it all away.... I wanna work only 8 hours and never have to work on sundays. It doesn't matter how much they'll pay me for coming to work on a sunday. It doesn¡t justify the time that I don't spend with my son, with my family.

Anywayz..I'ma go chat while I wait for these people to finish.

Peacez!!



Mood: tired
Music: Typing sounds and people talking
 
 


 
  2008.09.18  11.51
OMGOSH


OMGOSH I WANNA QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =o >.< EEK!!

I've been working here for about seven months now and there are times when I still feel useless or like a rookie. I'm supposed to have learned a lot but when things start getting under a lot of pressure its when i feel like i wanna get the hell outta here. I've been offered a job closer to my house. My sisters working there and the pay is supposed to be good, better than here but then again I've been given a raise several times now. I've gained the trust of my bosses all 5 of them and I feel like they care about me a lot but at times I just cant help but feel like I dont measure up to their expectatives. They're owners of a growing company and they expect me to deliver and help them make their company grow, and expand to other places. I wanna help but then sometimes I just get stuck. I dont want to say I quit and just leave all of my work pending. Then whats gonna happen with all the things that I've coordinated for imports. And the contacts that I've made with International providers. Nobody else here speaks english but me, how are they gonna comunicate with them. I dont wanna leave marlene all by herself either. She cries so much cuz she gets stressed out. The other day I cried with her cuz I felt like I was doing things wrong and like I wasnt even helping. Aside from the fact that I'm tired cuz I gotta wake up super early in the morning, at 4 to get to work at 7 since its 2 hours away from my house. This other place is offering me more than I earn here and its only 30 mins. away which is much better but I dont wanna leave the people that have accepted me and made me feel appreciated. I dont know what to do. Sometimes I wanna quit..then I dont wanna give up.

Anywayz I gotta get back to my work cuz Ive got all these documents due for Monday and Im not even half way thru.

Peacez



Mood: stressed
Music: none just phones ringing and printers =(
 
 


 
  2008.05.19  13.50
updating...


oh man, i'm at work and i'm soooo cold..brr. Eek im bored. I want so badly to finish with this graph, chart thingymajigy and i cant concentrate. theres a certain someone that distracts me. how dumb. but i dont wanna talk about that. instead, i have a tummy ache and i wanna get the hell outta here for today. just for today. i wanna go homeee and see max. i miss him. i wanna hug him..hes such a cutie. anywayz ima finish this thing for mah bosss before i get they come back from lunch. peaceZ!!



Mood: full
Music: none
 
 


 
  2008.03.20  11.11
wurkin'


I'm at work right now. It's supposed to be a holiday so I don't think we should even be here. My boss proposed the company owners we work allday today so that we won't have to come friday, saturday or sunday but they said no. Poo! But anywhoo...dles!

I was reading this article on how to make your kids think rich. It got me thinking...about the possibilities.

Max, he just turned two but he talks and runs around and acts like a little boy. He's not a little baby any more. It's so cool how at that age he's established his personality. His own self. And at that age that he has right now he already knows what money is and what it's used for. Whenever I leave my purse on the bed he grabs some money then takes me by my hand and takes me to the store next door to buy cookies. And he tells me in spanish "let's go buy cookies!!" Sometimes he leaves me stupified with the things he says. Things that I didn't know he knew about and he comes and talks to me about it like nothing. He's so smart. I gotta take advantage of that and try to get him use to positive habits. I have to start showing him that if he saves his 50 cents instead he'll have one sol for later so that he can get something better. But the only way he'll get it is if he sees me practice it. So taking advantage of the fact that he understands what he sees and hears I have to show him nothing but positive acts. Anywayz..time to get outta here.



Mood: bouncy
 
 


 
  2008.02.21  19.36
at work


so im at work right now. its about to be 8 o clock at night and i was supposed to be outta here like at 5 so that i can get home early cuz i live two hours away. anywayz...im working now and im not going to school no more which on one side is really good but on the other side is kinda sucky cuz i get put under a lot of pressure...and i miss school lol. more for the people u know even though i liked the classes too. i wanna continue with the career choice that i chose but then again i wanna go into something else. cuz the field that im working in...theres also a career for what i do so i wanna get more into this whole business. its hectic. my boss is such a nice lady. shes so positive and such a hard worker. shes really nice. im so glad that shes my boss but then we have other bosses that are oh man. really strict. demanding. they want results results results. its stressful but as long as my baby doesnt lack anything then im just plain greatful that im here. i work with my sister but shes in another dept. anywayz..im about to get outta here cuz im dead tired and its late. ima get home like at 9:30 or so. mann my celly fell in the toilet lmao. oh well, it was ugly anyway and i can have a wayyy better one if i wanted to lol. ok ima outiez..damn been so long since i updated. okies peaceZ!!!

 
 


 
  2007.08.04  20.25
damn


oh shit i remembered my password lmao. thats cool. anywayz im supposed to be doing some reserach for my tourism class..its due tuesday but eh..i keep getting distracted. like always..lol anywayz..lets see nothing much is going on with me. family's great..life is alright..school is cool beans..looking forward to traveling a lot so yeah. peoples are nice..but still gotta watch my back cuz ..u just never know u know lol =P yeah weather's trippin =/ its too cold..i should be used to it but i just cant stand the cold geesh go away =/ anywayz other than that nothing more to say. uhmm..tomorrow hopefully ima go out with my sis and hang out with some friends. hopefully i get there cuz i always say yeah ima go see you and then i never go lol. not that im mean its just that i get busy at the last minute. like this guy called me to go over and translate something for him and i was like yeah ill call u if anything and then i sprained my ankle so i couldnt go lol. that was like friday or saturday..wait..today is saturday. so i mean yesterday lol. yeah and then i never called him but i honestly dont think he cares anywayz..its a peruvian thing..its so expected u know..to just never show up lol. so yeah its that i couldnt find his number and yeah i couldnt walk so..w/e i honestly didnt really care. omgosh on friday i went down to the beach for a walk with max and gabe and im frieking running and i look back and i didnt realize there was a big hole on the floor and i went ::splat:: on the floor lol and i sprained my ankle. that hurt like a bitch. the same ankle i sprained when i fell down the stairs in tenth grade lmao. it brought back so many memories. then gabriel was all like rubbing my head lol saying sana sana colita de rana..it was so funny. yeah i frieking go a la posta pago 5 soles so that the "dr" can just look at it and say it wasnt too bad..u can go home. okayy...but yeah i had to miss class which sucked cuz i love going to class. the peoples are so funny y el curso me interesa bastante u know. yeah talk about..i should get back to my reserach thingymajigy. ayy que flojera...alrightiez..peacez♥

 
 


 
  2006.03.05  14.37



so yesterday was my bday. it wasnt too bad. some family came over and i had made this ice cream cake the day before but it was too sweet. my cousin made another one..it was bigger..it was this chocolate cake with this creamy filling. it was pretty good, but everyone was full with the ice cream. my other cousin told me it was too sweet. i dunno, i liked it..it just filled me up real good. i fell asleep after eating. when i woke up..everyone had left their plates of ice cream in the fridge. i think it was too much to handle or something lol. oh well, by night time my chocolate cake was still untouched. but it was gone by this morning so w/e. so i just spent it here with my family. my auntie came from Piura. she got me this set of earrings with a matching necklace. its pretty cute...but i know its one of those that u buy for like 5 soles at the little stores. it doesnt matter though..its cute so i'm happy hehe. i just hope it doesnt peel fast cuz then thatll suck. Anthony makes me smile =D. i miss him so much. i always see his belt and im like awww.
im gonna smack these little kids with it if they dont start being good. k.boobai.

 
 


 
  2006.02.26  19.29
...ReaL GUys LoOk foR ReaL dOWn To MarS gIrLs...


everytime i read his entries and i see all the things he wrote about me, i start thinking..was it all a lie? did he just say all of that to get what he wanted?? if he didnt then why won't he tell me anything? i feel like damn..he lied to me. all of his words were just bs. and it sucks cuz i really did believe him. everything he told me..i took it serious. i never knew he would be that type of guy. what now? am i supposed to just forget about him and pretend like nothing happened? like we dont share anything..together? this is when i need him the most and when he decides to leave me all alone..without even saying anything. he just stopped calling all of a sudden. why?? was it something i did? was it because i wanted to keep this one little thing that only him and i will share forever?? did i do something to make him freak out and run away?? why? i'd like to know why..why is he doing this to me? i want him here. to tell me the reason to why he's doing this to me. i wonder if he thinks about me as much as i think about him. sometimes i just feel so mad at him for doing that. i feel like screaming at him for being like that with me. but then i remember about how it was before and how happy he made me. and i just wanna cry. he sucks. i never knew he'd be like that. ::sigh::
so i decided i want to study web design. all of this designing and making web pages look pretty ful is so addicting. i wanna learn more about it. and how to do all these things that make everything pretty. ok so i'm gonna start looking for a good school to enroll in and start maybe by may, but i dont know. hopefully by march of next year. that's when they start taking all the students in and stuff. giving the tests and all that.
well, 6 days till my birthday =D
will he call?? i doubt it. i should kick his ass. but i still miss him ='(



Mood: crushed
Music: Outkast
 
 


 
  2006.01.26  20.59



i wanted to update EVERYTHING....but i know that id probably start crying or something cuz everythings just so weird and i wanna let everything out. believe it or not...im still waiting for john to come rescue me from all this weirdness that i dont belong to. uhmm..ok w/e. peacez!! =/



Mood: blah
 
 


 
  2006.01.18  20.03
im back =)


its been a while since i updated. nothing much is really going on...like always =/ well, i moved from Callao and now i'm in Ancon living with my aunt and the whole family. i feel better here..i guess its cuz everyone's all relaxed and not that uptight. and i guess its better cuz i have my cousin to hang out with. since its summer i've been going to the beach alot but the only thing that i dont like is that the waters always kinda cold. but its good that the suns really hot so when u get out of the cold water it feels good to just lay in the sun. but that's not too good too cuz now im all burned and my shoulders hurt so much. i think they're gonna peel but then again i dont think so. oh well, it doesnt matter. my mom kinda freaks out alot more now cuz she doesnt want anything to happen to me when i go out. yeah so...thats pretty much it. my birthdays in 2 months...woot...im usually happy about my birthday but i dunno this year its like erg..w/e. i guess cuz ima be here and i wont be able to spend it with my friends and stuff. but at the same time im a little happy...not really looking forward to it but yeah it kinda puts a smile to my face. hey one more year till im 18 =). yeah ok...peacez



Mood: calm
Music: t.v.
 
 


 
  2005.12.10  21.09
in doubt....


YAY olga called me today. i told her about my confusions and about my whole....unknown situation. i sent her a letter but she still hasnt got it. that sucks. eeeeeekkkkk. i feel so frustrated. i dont know what i wanna do. i dont know whats going on...i dont know whats gonna happen..i feel like i dont know anything anymore. i dont know how im feeling. and its annoying. i dont know what to do. i need to talk to john..i need to know something..i need to know what hes thinking..i need to know his plans..i need to know if he still pictures me in his future..if he wants to keep doing this. its so frustrating not knowing what hes thinking or whats going on with him. did he forget about me already or is he still thinking about continuing this wack relationship that seems like it doesnt even exist anymore. i need him to tell me something. i feel like hes not a part of my life anymore but i cant exactly just forget about him and move on without talking to him. i just wanna know whats going on in his head. i need to know something...anything. ::sigh:: i feel so trapped. its always the same thing. i always just sit here and wonder what hes thinking. if hes planning anything. if he has any future goals or anything. i cant keep going like this. i dont know what im gonna do about that. erg...its just too frustrating to think and question myself and not get any answer. i asked olga if she knew anything but she told me that no she doesnt know anything. he doesnt say anything. does he care? at all? hmmm..i wonder. and i'm tired of wondering. what am i gonna doo?????? DAMMIT. erg..w/e.

"i see diamonds in the sky..touch my hand and i can fly..all this is a mystery so come on come on and dance with me"

i wanna go somewhere and forget about everything for now. i should go do my homework...crap..i hate h/w.

"homework oh homework i hate you, you stink
i wish i could wash u away in the sink...."

that poem takes me back to 3rd grade. =) i wanna go back to 3rd grade. i wanna go back to my elementary days...all i have is memories..memories are nice..they make me happy =)

anywayz...it's all in the past now. and i cant have it back. i gotta face my future...i dont want march to come. i dont wanna be 17..i wanna go back and make things right, but i cant. i just gotta take what i have now and make the best of it. and i gotta start working on making my future right. the past is the past..its done..its over with..now i got my future..but i wanna know what hes thinking...whats in his future? is it me? is it us? or is it just him?

"what's she got that i don't have..does she fill the spaces that i left you?"

so nothing matters...just my future..i'm gonna go now and do h/w so that i can finish school already and make something of myself. make my future right. damn trigonometry. go to hell..dammit.

"put this under ur skin...i am me and i wont change for anyone..."



Mood: pensive
Music: ashlee simpson + i am me
 
 


 
  2005.11.01  16.14



i was thinking about johnny when i woke up just now and so i went to check his myspace. i was just browsing through when i realized i'm not listed as his friend anymore. mm so that's weird..why? i don't know...
well, this whole situation sucks. he came online and we were talking and of course i was happy as hell to be talking to him after so long but then his mom came along and made him get off. grrr...i never thought i would feel like this about his mom. she was the coolest person. now gosh i can't stand her. i seriously feel like i hate her so much for doing this. how could she be so mean? you know, i'm not asking for john to send me money, or to guarantee me a great future...i really don't care about any of that. all i want is to be able to talk to him and to know that he's there. that he's alive and well. i don't know anything about his life now.. i don't know what he did yesterday, what he did last week, what he dreamt last night..nothing. i miss having someone to talk to... i feel really lonely now. he's not there anymore. so i'm just here listening to what my mom and sister talk about and just sort of sleeping my life away. err...she can't do this. doesn't she know that if 2 people really love each other then there's no way of splitting them apart. i don't inderstand how am i going to ruin his life? it's not like i'm asking him to move to Peru and never finish high school. he can continue his life..graduate..get a career, that's what i want for him, but i just want to be able to hear his voice..dammit. well, I'm out..thinking about my situation just pisses me off.



Mood: frustrated
 
 


 
  2005.10.22  19.28



HASH(0x8acf038)
You aren't hididng anything under your make-up,
because you don't wear any! You know that it
doesn't matter if your beautiful just as long
as you have a beautiful personality and heart
(either that or your just too lazy to put
make-up on in the morning lol). You want people
to like you for who and not what you look like!
You should be proud of yourself, not many
people feel the same way about themselves as
you do.

yeah i do get lazy to put on make up hehe..but yeah i know i'm beautiful dammit hehe. ok lemme stop before i start sounding too conceited. anywayz..i'm bored..peacez

cool girl
You have a sexy style! u luv 2 impress guys, and u
luv 2 look HOT!


What type of Style of clothes do u wear? (girls only)
brought to you by Quizilla

haha..right..i wouldn't say i like to look hot..it's just that i think it's nice to look nice..not necessarily hot..just nice =D

mm
Your death will be murder....Most likely because
your a very social person and everyone knows
you, but there is one person lurking in the
shadows that is so jealous of you or is so
obsessed they end up killing you...There are
many ways of being murdered...it depends on the
person, but your death will either be slow and
painful (like being stabed to death) or quiek
and painless (like a gunshot to the head).


How Will You Die And Why? .:Beautiful Dark Pics:.
brought to you by Quizilla

result # 3
You're perfect guy is an romantic guy who will kiss
you and hug you as much as he can ! ( me: ^-^)


Who's You're perfect guy? - girls only!- - With beautifull anime pics!-
brought to you by Quizilla


my johnny's the perfect guy for me ..yay ♥



Mood: awake
Music: evanescence>>bring me to life
 
 


 
  2005.10.18  19.35



YESSS!!!! i'm soooo HAPPY!!!!! ::sigh::



Mood: content
Music: year of the cat>>>al stewart
 
 


 
  2005.10.04  22.43
...


i keep hearing john might get his internet back sometime soon but everytime im on he never is. i just keep thinking that maybe i might not talk to him until hes old enough to get his mom from out his butt. thatll be maybe when hes 18 or so. its almost been a month..gosh how do i live? i fell asleep today after eating when i got home and when i woke up i was just thinking about him. about how awesome it would be if only i can wake up in his arms one last time like before. it felt so good knowing that he was there..and i was completely comfortable with him. i didnt care if he stared at me or not..it was him..and i love him. i just wish i could be with him again. erg..then i came online and heard this song..and i just kept thinking about him some more..darn. i miss him ='(

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that seperate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight boy its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight boy its only you and me

so im off to bed and like always ill be thinking about him. i want him so bad..at least just to hug him and feel him next to me. gosh...



Mood: nostalgic
Music: 3 doors down==>>"here without you"
 
 


 
  2005.06.05  01.03
late night update


hmmm...ive realized that i dont have too many close friends. school ended and the only person ive seen so far is me sexii bf..hehe. but its ok cuz i love spending time with him. on wednesday we just chilled over here at ena's place the whole day afterschool. we're staying here in the mean time until we move. yeah so i didnt see him thursday but then i got to spend the whole day with him friday. that was pretty cool. a whole twelve hours with him...just what i needed. but it was a little weird tho...apparently theres something in his head that he doesnt wanna share at the moment. but its ok. i wont force him to tell me anything hes uncomofortable telling me. but he knows that he can tell me anything. and i know i can tell him anything..so thats good. and today he came over here again. it was good...except my mom was acting a bit bitchy and started saying alot of stupid shit. but whatever....everytime i looked at him i just felt better. so it was alright. he left at ten o five to be exact and then he came online so we were talking. and now we're still talking.
my mom said i have to get a job. shes crazy. what the hells the point if i wont even be here long enough to get paid. i mean i understand why shes still working but why start? theres really no point. she said she doesnt wanna see me here at home doing nothing. so why doesnt she take me to johns house? then she wont see me. but noo she wont do that. she wants to see me doing something productive. hmm i dont get her. shes getting annoying lately but whatever. i try whatever i can to block her off. i just dont wanna go to that time in my life where all i did was cry and figjt with my mom every day over stupid shit. hmm that was in ninth grade. life was so depressing. but im over that.
i wish i could stay here for junior n senior year. that sucks. how come i cant stay? it sucks...but im not supposed to think about that now. i wish i could enjoy my summer. at least until i leave but i dont know. i got no ride to anywhere and my mom wont take me anywhere. and its not like theres anywhere to go. i mean theres so many places i wanna go but i got no money and no way of getting there. frieking transportations. damn...if im like this now then i wonder how its gonna be in peru. i hope its not so bad.
so i dont know what ima do tomorrow. actually yes i do!!! ima spend the whole day with my love. that should be awesome. but i dont want my mom to get all icky. but ill be looking forward to it. cuz being with him makes my day. well, ill go now cuz its late and im getting a little sleepy. specially cuz its cold and coldness makes me sleepy. but yeah its late too so i wanna get some zzzz so that i can be fully awake tomorrow so that i can spend more time with my baby. that would be great. his bdays coming up YAY!!! cant wait to celebrate it with him. okies...im out hommies!! hehe. peacez



Mood: sleepy
Music: Incubus::megalomaniac
 
 


 
  2005.05.21  22.19



so everything been shitty lately. johnny cant come over my house no more and i cant go to his. so now theres no more johnny for me. ima only see him in school and hopefully if i dont get this job then friday. if i do than theres only gonna be school and hopefully maybe weekends. it all just sucks. i cant take this shit anymore...as time passes i cant be happy no more. its just bugging me too much and i dont know how to deal with it. i just couldnt hold it in no more and broke out crying on friday at john's house. i didnt want to but i couldnt hold it anymore. its horrible. my reality sucks. and i want it go away. i wanna just wake up and everything to be normal again. i dont know if im making too much a big deal about this than i should be but i hate it. i hate that i have to leave and never see people again. ever in my life. i dont wanna meet new people. change scares me...honestly. and all of this really truly sucks ALOT of monkey ass!!! and i cant make it stop. que hoRRible!!! erg!!! ima go to sleep then maybe forget. today sucked ass. i just want tomorrow to come and get over with everything. pooperZ ='(



Mood: crappy
Music: some loser on S.G. tryna sing "yo me voy pal party"
 
 


 
  2005.04.18  23.49
::sigh::


today was really good. like really good. u dont understand how good. just extremely good. lol. i cant keep stressing how good it was. it was more than good...it was great. =D the best sick day i've ever had. but like all days it had its downs but i still think today was good.
for one....my kitty got sick. when i got home my kitty seemed quite. she wasnt meowing, running, or jumping around like she usually does. i picked her up and looked around and saw that she had puked all over the floor. i was like damn. and then i fed her but i think that was wrong cuzz after she ate she was walking in the living room and puked again in 3 more different places. yeah...then she went outside and got cornered by this other cat that jumped in my backyard.. why cant kitties be friendly? geez...yeah the rest of the day i was pretty much just sick.
hmm....second time this month. thats not cool. how come im always getting sick? no fair!!
yeah so right now my kitty's peacefully sleeping on my lap while i write this.
i talked to gretchen today. oo i was so happy. she was with romina and jaime so really i talked to them mostly. cuz yeah i havent seen them since i was four and to be honest with you i dont really remember them .....at all. it makes me feel bad. they remember me when i was four. i dont remember them. it was funny jaime comes on n says hi n i say hey hommie wuzup!!! and he goes no te entendi ni michi!!! hehehehe i havent heard anyone say that in a long ass time.

**johnny write in ur bLURTY DAMMIT***

yeah so i just talked to him and he was asking alot og questions i guess to see what im up to. my computer was acting gay as always and then they had to leave. yeah....i talked to roy yesterday. i miss hanging out with him. ::sigh:: yeah well....
i didnt do much today....olga told me stories in 2nd period and we played a game in 4th and i was basically just staring at johnny through the window....just watching him get bugged by jose until jose ran off with his bookbag (i think) to somewhere where i couldnt see them anymore. then i was forced to pay attention to what was going on around me. then the bell rang and i wanted to see johnny but i didnt and just walked to my class with jose and saw carlos. he picked me up that butthole. ahh well, hes a nice butthole. he just acts annoying sometimes.
**AAAHHHH MY BUTT FELL ASLEEP****
yeah then i went to 6th period and fell asleep.....i have an excuse cuz im sick. hehe. i wasnt feeling good. the teacher put on a movie about christopher columbus but i just passed out. when i woke up my right arm fell asleep.
**eek theres a bug on my screen**
then afterschool i met up with JOHNNY!!! we just hung out afterschool for a bit and talked and just kissed and stuff. it was nice ::sigh:: and we were just messing around with each other just pushing and pulling and tugging and tumbling over garbage cans and rushing to be first i dunno to what and then in the end we just ended up walking to my house from 711 with 14 dollars worth of....junkfood i guess u can say. i love my time spent with johnny. it always makes my day end with a smile =D it's great!!!
then my day got great and i talked to gretchen and romina and jaime after johnny left. then i cleaned and showered then cleaned some more and called johnny and accidently woke him up.
aww my poor baby was sleeping.
while i was on the phone with him fabian just stumbles home so drunk hes like bumping into the walls down the hallway struggling to keep up. damn....what a drunkie.
and then i said good night to my love and cleaned some more and aate and then came here and ended my day =).
now theres tomorrow to look forward to....but i dont want to cuz im sick...but then i want to cuz i get to see JOHNNY!!! yay =D. then my day will be just perfect...sick or not. just looking at him makes my day. =) night night!!



Mood: loved
Music: red hot chilli peppers~>scar tissue
 
 


 
  2005.04.13  18.39
i finally update.....


damn its been so long. nm is up with me...i'm just here on the phone with JOHNNY!!! gretchen's prego!!!!!!! like OMG!!! yeah shes having her baby in may n my mom got remarried cuz my dad moved away. roy went to the bahamas n so now its pretty much me n my mom n fabian.....my new step dad....hes an idiot but theres nothing we can do about that now. he burned up our kitchen....im never gonna forget that. so erg....my computers retarted so ima go now...b0o-bAi



Mood: chipper
Music: no music...JOHNNYs voice =D
 
 


 
  2004.07.29  21.13



hey wuzup
theres nothing to do. this summer sucks ass.
i was talkin to antonio but he went to watch a movie.
well, tim called me the other day but i didnt get to talk to him cuz he had called at a wrong time. i was just talkin to junior n herby but herby said that i hurt juniors feelings so they stopped talkin to me. o0pS.
~*im bored*~
im sorta talkin to alicia.
i talked to steven the other day. he said that he wanted to hang out with me again. yea id like that hes fun but knowing him...u never know what he might have in mind.
theres nothing going on with me. i gotta make a doctors appointment to go n get a physical. that sucks. i hate those. they check you everywhere! its horrible. i wish i had never switched schools in the first place. pffftT!!! yvettes gonna come over n stay for the weekend. shes gonna come on the bus to aventura n then we're gonna go get her at the mall i guess. gretchen was being weird about going to pick her up at her house. i dunno why she didnt want to
o0o some weirdo guy keeps calling the house. i dunno what the hell he wants but hes really weird. he calls n never says anything. n then hes leaving weird messages. they started calling at lakeside but now they call here. its like theyre weirdo stalkers with no life. seriously they have no life. they call at every time. like at 4 n then 12 p.m. n midnight. yesterday they called at eight. i was going with their jugada. haha. its was kinda fun
roys gonna get married. hes sick right now. i dunno if i told u. well, yea he is n ima be one of enas gurlies. im not sure if i wanna. antonios gonna be one of his men. but he said hes not sure. hes getting married on the 25th of sept. by church. gretchen se caso en la corte pero roy se va casar por la iglesia. the other day we went around looking for all the stuff he needed. like limos caterers clothes n everything. crazy stuff.
everyones getting married. first gretchen then roy...next is gonna be me. -haha- thatll be in like years.
so im just here listening to music. bored as hell. ima go now n see if theres something fun to do online. hmm...b0o-bai



Mood: bored
Music: heart shaped box::nirvana
 
 


 
  2004.05.07  23.00
::yawn::


yea im kinda sleepy now. but its friday. i can stay up until whatever time right. well, not realy. uhmm....nothings new with me. yesterday i talked to antonio for like 7 hours. at first it was nothing. i think he was pissed cuz i dun talk or somethin. dunno. but then we actually had a conversation. that was nice. id dint really get to talk to him today. i had to do this thing for l.a. i really wanted to finish it. i dun wanna get 11 f's. s0o yea hes not online right now either. nobodies online. well, people are but i dun really talk to them. i was talkin to gretchen the other day n she saod that we're gonna move on the 31st. i dun get it. if thats true then how come nobodies doin anythin. nobodies packin or anythin. well, i guess we still have more time. mit told me today that steven is cheatin on alicia. that yesterday he made out with some white gurl named danielle. mit said that he was pissed at steven because of that but he still doesnt like alicia all that much either. he said cuz he doesnt like the fact that she had to be easy with him. i dunno. i think ima have to go soon. well, i got nothing new to tell. mit n i talk more now. well, ima go now. bye!



Mood: annoyed
Music: ashanti
 
 


 
  2004.03.30  11.51
eEk!!


oh man i broke my toe. im in comp. class. i didnt come to school yesterday. but i had to come today. dun that suck? well, yea i got alot more to write but ima see if i can get outta here like in 3 minutes. i gotta pee anyway. well, yea i gotta wear this thing on my foot for like a week or 2. uhHh....yea i broke my pinky on my left foot. its swollen now. well, ima go okies. byeZ!!



Mood: amused
Music: ::typin sounds::
 
 


 
  2004.02.13  19.46
im at home now


ok so im home all bored. all i do online is write in here n on bolt. i have no life. das why. i was talkin to kitty kat in 2nd period n she asked for my number so we can chill n go to da mall. ciz i was tellin her bout how i dunno wut to get antonio n she said they were havin a sale in hot topic so she said we should check it out. i hope we can go to da mall. she said maybe on monday so yea. we have no school that day so hopefully i can go! well yea tomorrows valentines n i dun think ima be able to see my baby! i wanna get him sumttin tho. since he got me sumttin for valentines den i wanna get him sumttin this year. but i dunno if he .....i completely forgot bout wut i was gonna write there. -haha- well, i wish i could spend valentines wit my baby more than anythin! man i miss him so much. umm.....i dunno wut thats all about. i was tryna add a smiley in here but i dun think i can. i keep forgettin to ask olga bout how can i paste pics in here. i remember how olgas blurty looked. it was nice. i think ima go cuz i got nuttin to write bout. peace out!!



Mood: discontent
Music: t.v.
 
 


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