| yesterday ! |
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| 07:21am 23/04/2009 |
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mood: happy hungry sleepy ;) music: katt williams
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i got to skip night school because i didn' thave a ride and we already did a big test on monday, so yesterday would of been a "start a new unit day" and i can catch up. so i got to hang out with Mark ALL day (after co-op) which was so nice because I haven't been able to do that in a while since I've been so busy. it was definatly awesome and totally worth missing night school for :) we went to mcdonalds and ate and than he practiced long boarding... we watched the Naruto Movie (the first one) which was surprisingly really good. the best line was definatly "you fool. i can't cry. you have my eyedrops" AHAHA. if you watch the movie, you'll understand. however, anime freaks such as Mark did not find that part as funny as i did, but it really was funny. oh ! and i also got to catch up on sleep yesterday because me and Mark took like a 3 hour nap. was soo nice :) I can't wait until nightschool is over so I can have more days like yesterday and I won't be sooo tired all the time and most importantly I can hang out with Mark + friends much more often :) |
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| i don't want to be here. |
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| 10:50pm 14/04/2009 |
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mood: upset music: movement of jah people
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don't you understand? you're suffocating me. |
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| messed up. |
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| 09:57pm 06/04/2009 |
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I didn't mean for things to get so messed up, I didn't mean to get everyone angry at everyone. I feel so responsible, and I can't do anything about it. I'm stuck in the middle like I always am. It wasn't supposed to end up like this. But it did. Maybe everyone just needs time to cool down, relax. Maybe this will be a good thing in the long run.. but it can also end up being a bad thing. I wish that day just never happened. I don't know what got into me. I wish things could go back to normal. |
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| Uncool |
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| 10:36pm 02/04/2009 |
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is the only word i could think of when describing how my parents have been acting all week. they won't let me leave the frigen house. i'm at school i have to come home when i go to work i have to go home and when i go to night schol i have to go home straight after i have to be there before. like, i need air. i need to breath. they need to leave me alone. i need to get things back to the way it used to be. like WTF my parents have never been this uncool. i want to see my boyfriend and the only time i get during ithe week is when i sleep over at his house ! like wtfff. they are so uncool right now. next week i'm gonna show them who is boss.
and mark, if you read this, i love you. and i'm sorry this week has sucked because i know it upsets you that i'm not there but believe me, i try to be. and this weekend i'm all yours and the rest of the weeks will go back to normal. trust me. i love you.
p.s. i got accepted to all the universities ! ryerson, windsor, mcmaster, guelph and utm ! i'm really digging utm at this point but i have to make a pro/con list for every university ! |
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| Halo |
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| 10:22pm 23/03/2009 |
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Remember those walls I built? Well baby, they're tumbling down and they didn't even put up a fight, they didn't even make a sound! I found a way to let you in but I never really had a doubt. Standing in the light of your halo - I got my angel now.
It's like I've been awakened - every rule I had you breaking, it's the risk that I'm taking. I ain't never gonna shut you out.
Everywhere I'm looking now I'm surrounded by your embrace, Baby I can see your halo - you know you're my saving grace. You're everything I need and more, it's written all over your face. Baby I can see your halo - you know you're my saving grace.
Hit me like a ray of sun burning through my darkest night. You're the only one that I want, think I'm addicted to your light. I swore I'd never fall again but this don't even feel like falling. Gravity can't forget to pull me back to the ground again. |
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| the rumor. |
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| 10:17pm 23/03/2009 |
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they say she looks beautiful when she cries.
i just want everything to be okay again. i want to pick up all those broken pieces and put them back together so that everything will be fixed. everything will be perfect, or at least seem perfect. i wish i hadn't destroyed what we had... but more importantly what you had initially thought of me. i was perfect to you, and now, i'm just your average joe. i will make things better. i will fix things. and i will prove you wrong. you can trust me. you do know me. i am better.
and as Akon puts it: you can put the blame on me. |
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| it's just too much, ya know? |
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| 03:40pm 11/03/2009 |
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And all I want to do is look at you and know I'm okay.
Because from where I'm sitting
these shoes ain't fitting
and I'm walking backwards,
looking down,
don't see the sky,
I see the ground.
I'm really considering quitting my job. i have no time for myself, let alone anyone else. And March Break is coming up which would be a perfect time relax, right? wrong. i have driving school from 9-3 from the 16th to the 20th. i guess i have the whole afternoons to myself considering there is no night school and i took that week off work, but it's about waking up next to him every morning the same time he wakes up. or waking up to only find that he has been up looking at me sleep the whole time. i'm too busy during the week and i don't like it. i don't like it at all. and the only solution i have is to quit my job because than i'll have tuesdays, thursdays, fridays and sundays all to myself which will be such a stress releaver. i get to hang out with all my friends at coreys or at my place or a bethans ! i can actually spend quality time with my boyfriend. i mean, i've been so busy that i didn't even know about the party mark is having at his house on friday until like yesterday. but it was planned a while ago ! so, shows how much i suck. so yeah, really considering quitting my job and getting one again after night school is finished. i guess we'll see. |
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| Ne-Yo - Mad |
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| 06:34pm 01/03/2009 |
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mood: busy music: ne-yo - mad
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She's staring at me, I'm sitting wondering what she's thinking. Nobody is talking because talking just turns into screaming. And now it's I'm yelling over her, she's yelling over me - all that that means is neither of us is listening ... and what's even worse is that we don't even remember why we're fighting.
So, both of us are mad for nothing, fighting for nothing, crying for nothing, but we won't let it go for nothing, no not for nothing. This should be nothing to a love like what we got. Baby, I know sometimes it's going to rain but baby can we make up now? Because I can't sleep through the pain. Girl, I don't want to go to bed mad at you and I don't want you to go to bed mad at me.
And it gets me upset girl when you're constantly accusing, asking questions like you already know. We're fighting this war baby, when both of us are losing. This aint' the way that love is supposed to go. What happened to working it out? We fall into this place where you arn't backing down and I'm not backing down - so what the hell do we do now?
It's all for nothing, fighting for nothing, crying for nothing, but we won't let it go for nothing, no not for nothing. This should be nothing to a love like what we got. Baby, I know sometimes it's going to rain but baby can we make up now? Because I can't sleep through the pain. Girl, I don't want to go to bed mad at you and I don't want you to go to bed mad at me.
Baby, this love isn't going to be perfect and this is just as good as it's going to be. We can fuss and we can fight, as long as everything is alright between us. Before we go to sleep baby, we're going to be happy.
Baby, I know sometimes it's going to rain but baby can we make up now? Because I can't sleep through the pain. Girl, I don't want to go to bed mad at you and I don't want you to go to bed mad at me. |
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| Lent |
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| 03:57pm 27/02/2009 |
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mood: dreading work music: i hate this part right here
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I have officially given up meat for lent ! i will only be eating fish and wheat products, as well as dairy. anything that isn't meat. and i mean - it'llb e kind of easy because I only eat chicken anyways but now i can't eat any chicken. i think i can do it. i've been a vegetarian longer than 40 days before so hopefully I won't cave and have some chicken bites from pizza pizza haha :) plus this is much easier than giving up chocolate ! last year i couldn't even i caved after 3 days. so I have faith in myself this time ! i will do it.
and i know lent is really supposed to be about GIVING something to other people - being nice, giving to charity, etc. but i think it's a cool tradition to just give something up :) and giving up chicken is a huge sacrifice for me haha. |
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| what an eventful day. |
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| 10:16pm 25/02/2009 |
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mood: panic-ie music: light up
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so i've started co-op and i am a teacher assisstant for a jk&sk class ! they are adorable children but of course some of them are sometimes difficult to handle, but the majority of the time they are great. there's this one kid - james - who is just out of control and especially today. he said he didn't like me because ms.bush sent him to the back and i had to watch over him to make sure he didn't do anything ridiculous. my second day and already a kid doesn't like me ! but there is an adorable girl named jaimie who is very shy but she's so comfortable with me, she calls me her best friend. it's so sweet.
however, i got home and guess what? I GOT ACCEPTED TO THE MCMASTER UNIVERSITY :) isn't that great? i've been waiting forever (except not really, they only started accepting people at the beginning of february) but i was so impatient. i'm so glad i got accepted !
so than night school came along. and it was fine until the class started hearing this weird whistling noise coming outside from the hallway.. but we were like probably the wind, or someone just making noise. than the guy that sits behind me was like "i'm gonna go check it out" and he comes back in liek 10 seconds later and we were like "soo..?" and he's like (totally calm),"this girl is having a seizure outside" and then his face dropped and he like realized that that's probably not supposed to be happening. and me and these three other girls were lik e" WHAT?" and we went outside right away and we put a sweater under her head. i called 911 right away. i have never seen a seizure like that, i have seen seizure's but this was by far the worst. she was like hoping up and down from the floor a good amount of distance. and i was on the phoen the whole time this was happening and telling them what to do what not to do, telling the women i was speaking too where i was the directions, phone numbers, etc. than all of a sudden the girl stops and her face turns PURPLE liek a real pure purple and that's when i started to panick, i was like "HER FACE IS TURNING PURPLE, SHE STOPPED SEIZURING" and the women told me to tell them to put her on her side so if she throws up she wont' suffocate. than i heard the ambulance coming. AND THAN the fucking principle decides to finally come after like 10 minutes and he's like "all of you go back to class"... EXCUSE ME? we basically just saved this girl's life. and i wa slike " the ambulance is coming, i called them" and he's like "we calle dhtem too." but he's such an ass because they actually put him on hold. i was the first to call and like 5 minutes into the conversation she was like "oh wow we're getting a lot of calls from the same location i'm going to put them all on hold, one sec" so she just kept talking ot me because i was actually at the scene. it was intense. but the principle still kicked us out the hallway and the story is so fucked. she was having a panick attack and she wrote a note to her teacher (the classroom beside us) that she was having a panick attack (becaus eyou can't talk when that occurs) and he said "okay, just go outside" WHAT? and when we found her her cellphone was open, she was trying to call her parents. and apparently her panick attack caused her to over hypervenilate and than she had a seizure. and i didn't panic but now i'm panicing even though she woke up from it and she's going to be fine. it was crazy !
what an eventful day. |
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| I'm so sick of both of you. |
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| 07:27pm 22/02/2009 |
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mood: whatever. music: over you
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I can't wait to move out. |
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| stressing out |
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| 06:00pm 22/02/2009 |
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mood: stressed music: i'm blue
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it's SO fucked. this semester was supposed to be super easy. i'm in co-op and i have night school twice a week. easy, right? except that i work everyday that i'm not at night school. it's so fucked. i have NO time for myself or to hang out with anyone. I'm so tired of working. I really wouldn't mind a job that only wants me to work like twice a week. but whatever... |
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| so bummed. |
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| 05:16pm 18/02/2009 |
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everyone was sending me text messages saying night school was cancelled and to pass it on so of course i fell into the crazy crowd and began passing it on. than, silly me, thought HEY maybe i should ask why.. i mean there really is no snow and maybe i should ask how do they know? because i didn't get no phone call, no posts on the internet, etc. so i texted back to the first person who sent it to me and it turns out blair told her. so i contacted blair and it turns out that blair was actually just not going to night school tonight. so i had to text everyone back saying that night school was infact NOT cancelled. and worst, i had to cancel on my boyfriend because i told him that night school was cancelled and that i could spend the whole afternoon/night with him. i'm so stupid. i feel like i just let him down so hard and worse i let myself down ! i miss him so much. you think it would be easier now that he's back here ! 10 minutes away ! but infact it's so much harder. i see him basically just the same amount as i did before. i could see him so much more if our parents weren't so god damn lame, but no. i have to go to school and my work has to book me everyday for work. i miss him ! i just want to see him everyday like i thought i would. and hang out with him everyday. i have even concidered quitting work so i could see him more often and just not see him on mondays and wednesdays because i have night school. that would be so much better than never seeing him. well it's not never, but sometimes it feels like it. HE'S RIGHT THERE AT MY FINGER TIPS and i can't reach him. that's what it feels like. i miss him so much. ugh. i hate that i got so excited for nothing. i let him down. i feel terrible :( |
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| i thought i was the only person who did this ! |
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| 05:14pm 18/02/2009 |
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mood: bummed music: more than useless
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| a little bit more than useless |
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| 10:17pm 17/02/2009 |
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mood: angry music: relient k
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I'm a little bit more than useless
When I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right, do something right for once. |
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| night school is not cancelled ! |
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| 10:43am 17/02/2009 |
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mood: tired music: gilmore girls
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i'm in. i'm going to get my credits. and hopefully a university will accept me already ! jesus. but i still gotta talk to my guidance concellor and ask her what to do when i get my math marks.. because i'm pretty sure i have to give it to her so she can put it onto ouac. |
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| wow. |
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| 08:02pm 07/02/2009 |
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mood: i don't know music: lean on me
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why do you threaten me? |
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| terrible news. |
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| 03:44pm 06/02/2009 |
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mood: upset music: bob marley
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night school is cancelled. i needed that credit to get into university..just one fucking credit left and i could of gone to university. now, i won't even be able to get into university; i'm short one fucking credit. i hope that i'll be able to get into a class at my school, i hope they'll give me one extra day to get into a class considering my situation. why would night school call the very last day? this is ridiculous. i'm so bummed right now and my friends are coming over tonight and i don't even know how to have a good time right now. yeah, i'll graduate, but i can't go anywhere. i really hope i'll get accepted into a class or else i'm going to be so upset. i really have to talk to my guidance councellor on monday. i'm so bummed right now. so bummed. and i got my report card back, 83% which is pretty good but now it doesn't mean shit. so great....i don't know what i'm going to do now. |
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