| for the record... |
[03 Mar 2006|02:53pm] |
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ok so i'm alive.
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| yay-ness! |
[27 Jul 2005|02:24pm] |
today i feel exactly like calvin in the thumbnail. i feel like flexing my teeny tiny muscles at the world and saying "yeeaaaaahhhh!" in a scary movie type of way. i feel tried and tested for no reason in particular. not like i underwent surgery or had a defacing accident or even lost something grand. i just felt aloo-ish. and it made me sink. like life seemed too stagnant and dead. But today i plan to celebrate something. something small but big in its own way. i'm celebrating an email from some woman on the planet saying she loved my work she saw on a website and that it spoke of a lot of 'experience'!!! i first felt like laughing out loud and then again felt like laughing at something completely different. i was amused by how i suddenly could feel so much lighter with just a small email. was awesome. so here i raise a toast to sara lou, the woman who rocked my morning.
and the second thing, was that my scary copyright notification did get some very prompt response from the push over that was refusing to pay me for my work. not that she's paying it now but it got her to stop bullying me! yay!
oh, was planning to be in bombay today. hope all mumbai-ites are fine. mitali, hope all is well.
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| ahem... |
[17 Jul 2005|10:30pm] |
i understand that the last entry may have come accross as slightly harsh. however, i assure you that it was only a trick of time and situationality (consider that a monsoon present to the language). i have now recovered to myy normal self thanks to some hardcore retail therapy : three pairs of shoes, a much needed pair of jeans, capris, a few tops and some gold stuff (that was totally not my idea). oh and not to miss the swank turqoise ipod!
technology has given us many wonderous gifts. i currently rate the ipod a sizzling number one! the 4GB machine with its awesome color options is a must for all people-kind. 'mankind' is a sexist word. wonder why we don't do something about it. anyhow, as i was saying, my dear ipod has been my companion in my journey towards the recently regained normalcy. interestingly, i have also ended up having some very strange conversations about technology with some rather unlikely humans such as the local chemist, a large semi-slimey corporate head at whirlpool and a very curious lift-man.
I jog now. swimming had gotton a little too much. i figured that spending four hours everyday on a 45 min swim wasn't all that good an idea. now, how is that you'll ask me. well, the swimming pool is right next to my mom's work place and 7km from mine. i left at 4 40 to get there in time for the 5 15 slot. we used to be out and in mom's studio by 6 20. perpetually everyday mom would ask me to stay back so she can come home with me since it'll take just a few minutes to finish up. only it usually took about two hours and we never got home before 8 30. so as you can see, jogging is a far more efficient form of excersise. plus i plan to buy some wieghts. any other bright ideas?
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| suck-cessfull? |
[11 Jul 2005|09:57pm] |
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life. a wonderfull wonderful thing. it never stops surprising me. it can be a bitch and make every moment feel heavier than a ton and it can make me feel more frustrated than a teenage single parent of cranky quadruplets. but yeah, i'm pissed. pissed with life for being a bitch right now. this seems to be the official reject prachi week. or screw prachi's happiness month perhaps. damn those evil spells, whoever cast them will suffer the consequences of their ill deed.
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[05 Jul 2005|11:22pm] |
strange part of life this. jesper turned 30. feels odd. friends aren't around either and if they are then they're too busy to spend time. so am i. don't know doing what though. lots in my itenerary but not much in hand at the end of the day. the clock keeps ticking and i don't know if i should call my self lazy or just plain ordinary. the seminar kicks things. more than i expect at times. and then life happens. people in my life and everything else seems so temporary. life feels fragile. windy. never know what blows in or blows out.
modelling can be a health hazard. everyone wants to be a model. all models want to be bitchy. all bitchy models are a pain! shows and shoots are times when i appreciate friends and family the most. i'd have to be on halucinogens to survive it otherwise. its a filthy world. a world where respect is a meaningless jumble of letters. where beauty is reduced to flesh. its a pity really. how hollow we have let it all become. things that drive nations, this media, these idols and this industry around them, all fake and crumby.
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[07 May 2005|08:24pm] |
i can swim! i can swim!
i actually went to the deep dark side of the pool all by myself today! oh my god that felt good. very scary but very good. now the next step is to not resemble a water spitting whale when i do that.
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| magic? |
[28 Apr 2005|02:06pm] |
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mood |
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 excited |
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Funnily enuff...wierd stuff has begun to happen in life. people i had begun to avoid are tuning around. things i thought had become unsolvable and were better left alone are changing. my indifference towards them or distress or fear or whatever was stopping me from doing something great to them seems to have vanished. i feel charged about taking more on. and then some. and then some. its amazing to feel like this. as if life is a blank slate. i can write whatever i like. anything and everything is now possible.
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| awesome! |
[26 Apr 2005|12:11pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
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I have never felt this great in all my life. its a gurantee!
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| Animal Planet |
[18 Apr 2005|04:27pm] |
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I am now officially turning into a cross between a tortoise and an owl. I sleep at 6am and wake up at 1pm! this is worst habit I have ever caught. I feel antisocial and, I have to admit, a bit senile. i feel like i went into my shell for a nap and forgot my way out. god help me!
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| touch and go... |
[09 Apr 2005|10:13pm] |
life seems a bit like that at times. specially times like these. people in my life seem like marathon runners, and i a mere pit stop. or perhaps even a fellow runner on a different track. till the the track overlaps, we're together and then they just run along.
loads of tracks have moved away and fewer have joined in, this last year. a lot might have to do with the transition between a college and work. however, this knoledge fails to bring any comfort.
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| fantasy for the day. |
[05 Apr 2005|03:04pm] |
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making out in an office? on a scale of 1-10...10???
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| More of something Maya started. |
[12 Mar 2005|10:15pm] |
1. Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3. You'll update your journal with my five questions, and your five (honest) answers.
4. You'll include this explanation.
5. You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.
a) What do you do and why?
I have been trained as a textile designer. Designing textiles is something I enjoy doing very much, especially print. However most of the work I'm doing now as a freelancer has no direct link to it. I style photography shoots, I design interiors, I handle photo production jobs and I'm trying my hand at brand identities and graphic design. Lucky for me, I'm currently getting paid to do things I enjoy most.
b) What was your wildest ambition?
I had quite a few over my school years and can't decide which one's the wildest. When I was in the fourth grade, some of my friends and I opened a shop in class that sold 6" by 2" 2D paper clothes and ‘stuff’. The currency was paper notes stamped with a stolen old company stamp from my mother's desk. If we were out of stock we'd show our customers designs from our own design book and made it on order. All was going great guns till the day I came up with the idea to do it in real fabric. The company was over by lunch break that day. Looking back now, I consider my first idea of selling designs on paper very 'with it' for the Indian design industry in 1993! In fifth grade I started something called a 'Goody-gang' which I'd now call a cross between 'Captain Planet' and the Rotary Club. I had big ideas about everything this club needed to do including getting all the 53 members a magic ring each and making international connections through pen-friends. Unfortunately, the summer holidays proved effectively distracting.
c) What freaked you out as a child? and now?
I always was and still am a scaredy-poo. Everything from darkness to lizards freaks me out. But my all time biggest freak-out is of being alone or of not belonging to the people I love. Not in an every day sense but as a way of life.
d) what can absolutely bring you to your knees?
Pessimism! I’m terrible with it. That is one thing that I can do without in my life and would be ready to beg if only to get someone over it.
e) What would make your life totally worthwhile? What wouldn't?
That’s a tough one. I think I’d consider my life worthwhile if in my presence or by my touching their lives, people saw an opportunity to own their lives. To see in it, the possibility of going beyond themselves and acting upon their dreams, however unreal they may seem.
My life would be worthless if all I get remembered for after dying is about having been a ‘sweet’ or ‘really nice’ departed soul.
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| i did it! i did it! |
[25 Feb 2005|01:39pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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A couple of snips and its gone! ms. newme is now born...the girl in the mirror looks more girl-like and less serious...and i like it. i don't love it but i do like it. it feels different. funny how i could completely emathise with shivani when she said she feels all boring with long hair and happy and chirpy when its short and curly...now i did it too! mom looked semi upset when she saw me, dad passed a comment or two, but i'm simply glad.
and work's going better...like i said...things i take for granted never happen and then some arbid things suddenly drop in when i least expect them too. wonder why the one above wanted me to be the can't-do-a-job variety, tough life.
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| umm bopping... |
[17 Feb 2005|12:34pm] |
life's like this and then life's like that. i'm almost motion sick. surprisingly though i can't seem to notice much displacement. its frustrating at times to know that the day flies by and nothing much really happened but i'm at it as usual. things, events, projects i take for granted follow the murphy's law and just about when i'm sick of life, a new ray of hope shines through.
taught a three hour class at nift, and realised i love teaching. its healing to reflect upon what i have to say. nice to listen to myself completely for once. i enjoyed presentations and grou discussions but now that my word has more wieght i see the need to make it deserve every ounce of attention it gets.
another realisation was that i'm a sucker for melodrama. it surrounds me and i love it. i could put a bollywood flick to shame within two minutes in full form.
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| i hate valentine's day! |
[14 Feb 2005|12:11pm] |
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i repeat : i hate valentine's day!
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| kerela-ing |
[19 Jan 2005|09:04pm] |
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its been a long while and i have so much to write i dnt know where to start from. for the record, i'm writing this on the slowest server in kerela maybe! in thekkady now, after declaring kerela the most gifted state in thwe country. the back waters are in one word...'amazing!' and the beaches and the hills...ooh...i'm largely speechless. i guess i'm not as fluent in english as TOEFL figures me to be (287). enough for the application atleast so i'm happy. crossing my fingers now and trying to enjoy every minute i live.
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| 'just' |
[03 Jan 2005|06:58am] |
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mood |
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 good |
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Yes. its a glorious day. I'm feeling good about my life. very very good. nothing in particular. 'just'. back at nid. convocating with people 6 years my seniors!!! dual feeling. bittersweet. i feel like my last link with this place will be lost and then again, coming back here reminds me what i belong to, where i was lucky. and lucky i have been. so well, i take this opportunity to thank mata destiny and pray she'll continue being a pal.
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| surprise surprise...! |
[22 Dec 2004|12:50pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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i am so not used to opaque people. i have been around many but i dont think i'll ever really get used to it! its like you never know what hit you...out of the blue and how! though i cant really say i mind it...feels wierdly nice. complicated but nice.
plus i have a new little bunch of acquaintances. like a little bonus. maybe its the foggy weather or just me brain malfunctioning but i've been in heady-trippy-land the last few days. its a good place to be.
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| TMCs???? |
[16 Dec 2004|11:16am] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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its a strange feeling to realise that my baby bro is actually 15 now! it feels like an hour ago when i got home from the karate class after beating up a bully who was pushing him around. his had looked half ambarassed and half proud. i remember being secretly overjoyed at the idea of being a hero in his eyes...i was on cloud nine! for years, he followed me around all over the place like a silent shadow.
he's taller than my dad today. has his own modernite lingo and beats around anyone bullying someone incapable of retaliation. he comes home bruised and sometimes significantly damaged. we barely get anytime together. having been away from home the last few years, i was barely aware of him of him becoming a thinking being. we kid around all the time but the very few times i actually spoke to him, i realised how he has turned out not-so-badly (i probably make him sound like a sponge cake!). i hate to admit but underneath all the teenage arrogance and hip-hop melodrama he may have a thoughtfull mind.
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[14 Dec 2004|12:13am] |
drops fall...wetting.
one drop joins another...
you can barely see...the air feels heavy with moisture.
it seeps right in...tingling something within.
and just about when you feel close to soaked...the clock ticks on...
the sun comes out..those once heavy clouds vanish into nothingness...
you're just left standing there...trying to focus in the harsh sun.
only few drops remain...clinging to the tips of your hair strands...
the slowly fading memory of the clouds...
those that once were.
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