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in class! [16 Nov 2005|12:06pm]
Well today has been a good day. Finally a good day after how many days that have gone astronomically wrong! Well I have decided I really want to move out of my house. I really really hate my house my mother and father are by far too young to have a 19 year old daughter and have no idea how to be parents I have basically been parenting myself for the last few years. One is too strict and does not know how to control his anger and instead of punishing me and my brothers he just takes everything away and embarrasses us. I mean I’m 19 years old and i still have to be home at 11. it gets to be very trying! Then my mother on the other hand she just does not care. Well this is a trying subject for me because I feel like my step dad should not be telling me what to do i mean when i was born my step dad was a freshman in high school! My mother should be telling me what to do and she does not care what I do so... well so that’s the drama going on at home well now the drama at school! Well I have a problem! well I have 4 guys I’m talking to and i have no idea what do do because they all want a girlfriend and I really don't was a boyfriend right now I just want someone to go to the movies with or just go out and have fun! There is a mixer for zeta Friday and I want to go and take one of them but i have no idea who to take! I really have no ambition of a boyfriend right now i am still not over my ex. especially since he is sick and I fell like I should be with him right now! i really like the one guy his name is Ben! and he just likes to hang out just like me its so nice because there is no pressure and i dont have to worrie about him making moves on me! its very nice! we went to a party the other night it was fun! then there is willie he is so much fun and we go and sit in his hot tub and i have so much fun! but he wants me to be his girlfriend and im not ready to be a girlfriend yet! then there is rob who is completely in love with me and i d not want to have a boyfriend i told his i would go out and have fun but there is nothing physical between us and he understood untill he wanted to get intimant and i pushed him away i don't get it dont guys know the meaning of no! then there is a boy who i went to school a long time ago with and he is fun to talk to and he does not want a gf so we just play videogames and talk! my ex and i have a very good relationship now his is so sweet and i miss him and he is sick so i feel horrible! he is like a backbone for me he makes me stronger in everything i do if i say i cant i just think of him and there is a new found strength! he really makes me think sometimes about were i want to go in life and he has really changed me! im not all about boys anymore and im not a premisquous as i was before he has made me respect myself! this is another reason i do not want a boyfriend! i have to focus on school from now on! he is really the greatest thing that has happend to me in my whole life! well enough about that! i have been talking to an ond ex from a really long time ago and he makes me happy it makes me think about time we had before! he is so sweet he says he really wants to talk to me and see me i donno tho becasue that will bering to many old memories back he was like my first real kiss and my first intimant moment! we have been really close ever since we played baseball together! but i don't know! well today i went to lunch with all the zetas we had fun then there were ramdon guys walking up to us and trying to start convo with us we all laughted and we were kinda mean this on kid walks up and goes hey what are ur majors none of us said anything for a really long time and then all the sudden haha one of us goes who are u? it mad me laugh! i know is mean but u should have seen him! i donno i hate when guys just walk up to you! well i have to go now but i will be updating lata!
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in class [09 Nov 2005|12:02pm]
[ mood | hyper ]
[ music | boondocks-little big town ]

Wow a lot has change since the last time I wrote the boy I was talking to I have fun out he only wanted one thing and when I said I would not give the one thing he stopped talking to me. I really liked him too but o well. I have been fighting with my ex for a really long time because I have no idea what he wants he say he wants to be friends. Although he can call me every day and that he still has feelings for me. I will never get guys! I had a big fight with him about a lot of things that have happened and so I stopped calling him them he got mad and sends me a text that say what u cant talk to me now I was like ahhhhh! Well my best friend and I have had a falling out unfortunate but it happens it makes me horribly sad but I can’t do anything about it! I have decided to join a sorority ha-ha should be much fun!!! I’m talking to a new boy but I don’t even think he knows I like him. His name is Colby he seams like a lot of fun and I went to school with him when I was younger but I never really talked to him. We shall see where things go though. Then there is JT well he happens to be my ex Jason’s best friend but Jason does not have to know about him and I because I really don’t even know if anything is going to happen we were talking the other night I said I felt weird talking to him because we were such good friends but he reassured me so. So right now I’m keeping my options open their probably will not be anyone in my immediate future but who knows! It raining out which dampens my spirits a bit! Sooner or later things will work out right? My home has been increasingly more flexible with curfew and fun things like that. I was out with Ben quite late the other night but I really have no ambition with this one because he wants what all guys want and he is not getting it unless we date and then probably no either. I swear guys are pigs! Maybe things will work out with him maybe not u never know! I’m quite content on my own right now though! I have had a lot of thinking to do lately so the time with out a boyfriend has been pretty great. I have recently gotten in touch with a few old friends and it is much fun getting to know them again. It has been over 10 years since I was friends with on of them and we have been getting to know each other again in fact I’m going home with him this weekend to meet all of his friends! He says I will like his girlfriend too so I’m excited he says we are quite alike so we will see! But right now life is pretty good and things are starting to look up I guess! Well I will tell u how the weekend went Monday because we do not have school Friday and I have no classes Thursday so the weekend starts tonight for me!!!!!!!

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november 5th [05 Nov 2005|02:38am]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | bat country~Avenged Sevenfold ]

i have just went out with the greatest boy on earth! there was this guy i knew from highschool and we talked some but never really a lot! so he and i had just started talking agian becasue we saw eachother on facebook and i agreed to go on a date with him! he turned out to be the sweetest most caring guy evey and i dropped everyother person i was talking to becasue i want to be with this guy! we went to his friends house to a bon fire and sat around and talked and he is absolutly intresting i want to get to know everything about him i think im falling for this guy! and he is also an amazing kisser and made me melt! i really want to get to know lots more about this one maybe finally my luck is changing!

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in class [02 Nov 2005|11:52am]
[ mood | calm ]

Well today I have had a revelation I have decided that some things are worth waiting for and I’m not dating anyone until I get my x back and I’m going to wait forever if I have to! Also this morning my rabbit who is like 10 pounds at least and not even a year old yet decided he wanted to chew on my shirt and bit a hole in my shirt! He is cute though so I could not be mad! I think I’m going to sleep well tonight because I do not have class tomorrow and can sleep pretty late! I’m looking forward to talking to my x today he said he would call and would have a while we could talk because it seams that we never have time to talk anymore! I really enjoy talking to him! I’m hoping we will get back together I really think we might! He is supposed to come stay with me with in the next two weeks. I’m really happy I think we might get a hotel!

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dont have a name casue im just going to ramble! [26 Oct 2005|01:48am]
[ mood | confused ]

Well life these days is weird. Well we begin with the love life! well this Saturday I’m going to Akron for a big Halloween thing and my x asked me to stay because he misses me but he still wants to be just friends so I don’t know he is really playing games if u ask me ! there are a total for 6 other guys I’m talking to and I don't know what to be because they all want a girlfriend like now and have all asked to be with me and I don't have a heart to say no there is one I really like that stands out from the others I’m starting to get close to be I told them to begin with that I did not want anything serious too soon but I don’t know! Its like they cannot see the hints I don't call them I don't ever want to go out I make excuses! But guys only see one thing! What they want!!!!!!!!!!! Not anyone else’s feelings never! I’m giving up on guys I swear I’m going to become a nun and have 40 cats and candles! I really am beginning to miss my best friend who is in Akron and I do not see her that much I’m so sad we were inseparable before. I can’t wait till I start there and we can be there for each other and be a shoulder to cry on! Ha-ha on a lighter note I’m going to be a football player for Halloween! I’m pretty excited! I have been thinking lately its going to be really hard to move to Akron with my family being here I’m going to miss my brothers and my mom being her silly self! I really really miss my x I know it sounds weird but we were meant for each other I really don't think I’m ever going to date anyone else I compare him to everyone! he means so much to me and I’m worried about him I know I told u guys we broke up because he needs time to be himself and have fun because we are college freshman so maybe on down the road he will realize how much he misses me! We would really talk for hours until like 4 in the morning just lay there and talk and we had so much in common i know things about him he has never told anyone! We shared so much. The thing that makes it the hardest is how much fun we had wrestling around and playing around with each other and god how much we laughed he would make me cry I laughed so hard! another part is my little 4 year old brother he asks me were he is everyday the weekend he came and stayed here he played board games with him and took him outside and played soccer and he loved him he even got up at 7 in the morning to go watch my little bros soccer game! Not to mention my mom thinks he is great! O well good things never happen to me! So I’m officially getting an f in psych and a d in chem. and I’m going to flunk out I should have never gone to college I really don't think I belong! but I don’t know well it like 2 in the morning and I’m really tired and I have class bright and early night night!

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boyfriends dont grow on trees!!!!!!!!!! [21 Oct 2005|06:15pm]
[ mood | cranky ]
[ music | sugarcult~pretty girl (the way) ]

well yesterday was the worst day ever I broke up with my bf because we live to far away right now and its way to hard I’m so incredibly sad o well I’ll be ok I guess but it really sucks he says when I get to Akron we can talk again but I know he will not want me by then he will have another girlfriend by then! Oh well my life sucks! I really though this one was special!

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side note! [19 Oct 2005|12:04pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | the killers~ all these things that i've done ]

ha-ha today sucks I went to the doctor to see how my back is and he told me I may have to get surgery again great fun huh I’m never going to be right again after 2 surgeries you would think they could fix something right not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but that’s ok in used to it now their kind of like mini vacations u go in and they put u to sleep u wake up and have no idea why you are there and don't have to deal with anyone for like 6 hours its alright I think! I’m sposto baby-sit tomorrow because I need cash desperately and I’m probably not going to baby sit because the little boy is only 2 and he always wants picked up and jumps on me and I’m just not in the mood at all! My mom thinks I should become her full time baby sitter u know its not my fault that at 35 with an 18 year old daughter she decides that she is going to have more children, and her friends all want me to baby-sit " oh your daughter is so good with our kids" god I hate to hear that! I love kids don't get me wrong but I want to have a life too not play board games with little children everyday! Ha-ha on a happier note I’m going to the dentist I love the dentist he is going to laser whiten my teeth! but I had to make an appt like 4 weeks in advance geez and then after that he said make an appt and he will straighten my one tooth because I’m too scared to get braces so but o well life goes on and on and on and I have lots and lots of work to do so ha-ha bye bye (I got soul but I’m not a soldier) ha-ha I’m listening to a song that’s in the song it makes me happy!!!!!!!!!!

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group dis. [19 Oct 2005|11:30am]
[ mood | sore ]
[ music | crossfade~colors ]

Well this week for my blurty I’m writing about when my group had to lead the class. We talked about our chosen piece of writing in our books we chose Cut which was a really good piece to pick. There were a few things I liked and a few things I didn't. I really liked how much everyone that joined in the talk had to say about out questions! It really helps when everyone is interested in what we had to say! Although I did not like that some people were quite I mean I was so scared to talk in front of the whole class surely they had something to say scared of not! I really ended up liking the group I worked with Janelle really like this story and she did a great job and Jon had a bunch to say about the topic I on the other hand really liked the piece I know what it feels like to be cut and let me tell u it isn't the greatest feeling! When I was in cheerleading my freshman year I went to tryout for an all-star squad! I did not have a back handspring so I had no change in hell and I definitely was not strong but they much have seen something in me because they told me I was an alternate and I would not practice with the squad but I would practice with the coaches on a separate day. This really helped a lot I started lifting and conditioning and I got my back handspring. The next month at evaluations I made it on the team I was so happy it was amazing I still had a lot to learn but I made it.
I really loved hearing others stories of being cut and how it affected them. This was a really big step for me because I actually talked and usually I would sit back and listen and just let my group do all the talking! I think that my English teacher is amazing and has tons of good ideas this being on of them getting us used to openly talking around our peers and I really believe I’m becoming more open with my writing!
I love when we do creative things in class I think it keeps us interested. I really love being able to take a few minutes and write what I think then see what everyone else thinks because I can see different perspectives on the subject and then they are no longer one sided subjects anymore it becomes much easer to write about them!

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change of plans [17 Oct 2005|02:52am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | hinder - get stoned ]

haha so i get this call on friday at like 1 in the morning! Hey babe its me i want you to come up for sweetest day! well to my suprise my boyfriend was calling me and wanted me to come see him! its really hard having a boyfriend all the way in akron espically when you never see him. well saterday morning i freeked casue i did not have anything to give him for sweetest day so i went and made cookie dough(chocolate chip to be exact) and shaped in in a really really big heart and made him a huge cookie cake and i put frosting on it and everything! i was so proud of myself hehe but so i leave at like 4 and get there like five i was so happy to see him it was not even funny i wanted to cry. he makes me so happy when im with him. so we go up to his room and talk to his friends which was really fun becasue these guys are a blast no matter what they have you on the floor laughing so hard ur stomach hurts! but then i was not going to go out i was actually going to start on my english paper and get caught up on a lot of things because my back has really really been bathering me i think its casue the metal is getting cold casue the weather is changing but anyways! i was going to stay in thier dorm whall they went out cause i did not wanna be the anoying girlfriend be they were begging me to go out with them so i did! i really did not want to but o well im gonna flunk out no matter what anyways so.. we went to a frat called sigma new it was ok there. i got a flower casue it was sweetest day and every girl that came to the house got one! i watched them play a few games of beer pong and started talking to the president of the sigma new's he is reallt really cool he is a cheerleader and i believe he said he worked for coa but i could be wrong! he was really nice and told me when i went to akron i should try out for the cheerleading squad but my back is way to messed up for that! then we went to this really really really big party were there was like 300 people there and we left shortly after becasue like 50 guys started fighting with like glass bottles it was some scary stuff so we ran as not to get underage i would have been fine but a few people i was with would have gotten in trouble so we went back to my bf's dorm and watched a movie and i fell asleep you know what the best thing in the world is falling asleep beside the person u love and waking up to them holding u i would not give that up for anything! but all in all i had a really really good weekend so next weekend he is sposto come here so we will see what happens! but that way prettymuch my weekend oh and today i watched the steelers get beaten and cried ! o well they still might have a chance! well probally not but

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sick [12 Oct 2005|11:45pm]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | young jeezy~and then what ]

Well today i woke up and i was so sick i wanted to cry! I really hate being sick i swear sick is not fun at all! and i have to through up its the worst thing on earth and for some reason i could not stop. so i made my mom go to the libiary and get me a book to read so all day today i layed around and read my book. so today my boyfriend texted me at 8 in the morning just to say i love you how sweet is that! i was so happy with myself i wanted to cry you know no one has ever cared enough just to text me it made me feel so warm and happy. the text read "hey beautiful just wanting to say good morning and missin u love you lots Ur the greatest miss u lots" i was so incredibally happy! I really have decited that i want to be with him not matter what ,and im going to be! what ever it takes i want to be a really really good girlfriend but im sad casue saterday is sweetestday and im not gonna see him!

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what has happend lately and my feeling on it! [12 Oct 2005|02:17am]
well as you all know i have met someone! and he is very great! i have met his fam and he has met mine so the hard part is over! but i really think im falling soooooo hard soooo fast he tells me things that make me so happy i want to cry and always makes me smile! he is so sweet and really the only guy who i have spent a lot of nights with and no that does not mean what u think it does it means we cuddle and he makes me feel safe and i love to fall asleep in his arms and know that he really wants to be with me! but here is the hard part we have not been together that awful long and things r starting to get really serouse i don't know how to act of what to think i mean he is already taking me to family campouts and he went to my uncles wedding with me and we know eachother deepest darkest secrets! we sit up till 4 in the morning just laying there talking but im so worried im getting to attached! i really really feel so close to him and i know im probally so boring but thats me so! i don't know what to do this weekend i told him he should stay im akron casue he needs to be with his friends and im gonna be so lonley
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toronto [05 Oct 2005|12:00pm]
well this weekend was a really really really great weekend just to start out! About 2 weeks ago I met a really awesome boy and i was really apprehensive about talking to him because I had just broken up with my boyfriend and i just wanted to take it easy but anyways! I was at this party and I was totally out of it and I was standing there when this boy had walked up to me he asked me is i wanted to go back to his room. Then I came to find out that he was my best friends roommates X-boyfriend and we would end up seeing a lot of each other over then next weekend. When I went home I was a little sad I did really really like this boy and all kinds of emotions were running through my brain! the next weekend when I went up kelli his x said that some of her friends were coming over and her x was coming and he really really liked me I was so excited that I ran to get ready when he walked in the door he looked better than I had ever seen him he was dressed up and has a really cute button up shirt on and his hair was spiked! I was the happiest girl on earth and I knew then I had to try like hell to get a hold of him ! when we went to the party he went and got me a drink to loosen me up because I did not know anyone but him his friend dm and kelli so we played some beer pong and sat around. I fell asleep and when I woke up in the morning he walked me back to my friends dorm because we were going to go shopping! I had really fallen for this guy i don't know why but he was amazing. so before I left on Sunday he asked me if I wanted to go home and meet his mom I was like waoh don’t u think that’s a little soon but he told me he really liked me and that he would not know what was going to go on between us until I meet his family! His family is really important to him so i agree! so that Friday I went up to get him and we drove to my house we stayed at my house Friday night and let me tell you I have 2 brothers and they have hated every guy I have ever brotten home and this one was different my brother Joey loves him when we got into the car he played peek-a-boo with him and had him really laughing. When we got home we played sorry with him and had so much fun the next morning he got a wake up call from my brother at 7 jumping on him and wanting to watch tv it was soooooo cute. my brother asked him to go to his soccer game so we did and my new guy loved it I was so happy finally I found someone! Then I began to get really nervose because after we went to my uncles wedding that night we had to drive to Toronto Ohio to meet his family. The whole way there I felt like I needed to be sick! When we got there I was so nervose that I almost fell getting out of my car but he keep assuring me everything would be ok! We walked into the back yard where his whole family was sitting around a big bonfire. they all said hi turtle because that’s what they call him and then i had to be introduced me ahhhhhhhh reality check by this time i was breathing like a fright train but after hey guys this is Angie! everything went really good his mom really liked me and I loved his sister but when we got back to his house after a little partying he took me downstairs and sat me down and goes you the most amazing girl I have ever met and I have never fallen this fast but I LOVE YOU I was like wow ok but words but I can work with it and we have been the most amazing this ever and I miss him so much everyday but we will see what the future holds!
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break up part 2 [28 Sep 2005|12:20pm]
[ mood | relieved ]

Well I kind of just wrote an entry but I need like half a page more so I decided in going to talk about a boy that I really like to follow the break up. Well I met a boy his name is matt and he goes to Akron. He is drop dead and very tall he had blond hair he is really, really tan and he plays football (I love jocks). I’m so happy I finally found someone who likes football as much as I do! I really hope that things between us work out! He has the cutest accent he lived in Texas before he moved to Toronto Ohio. This weekend he is coming to my uncles wedding with me and I’m going home to Toronto with him. And he wants me to meet his mom! ahhhhhhhhhh! I really hope she likes me! He also has two sisters I’m hoping that I get along with them and if we date I could have a relationship with them because I have always wanted little sisters. He is sooo incredibly cute! I’m suppose to go up to Akron and stay with him tonight because I just need someone to cuddle with because I have had a really bad week besides the fact I’m going to fail all of my classes.

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the big break up [28 Sep 2005|11:51am]
[ mood | crushed ]

So I have decided that it’s finally time after being on a break for 3 months that it was time to break up with my high school sweetheart. So I called him last night an I figured that it would be easy because we have literally not talked almost all summer. Although nothing is ever is easy. I tried to break it to him easy but he started crying and then I broke down. I really still do miss him but there is nothing I can do about it we just grew apart and had no time for each other. Although I do have someone who I have been talking to for a while he is my best friend and now I really think we are going to make something to work. Lately I have decided that I need to start doing things for myself. when I was in high school I cheered and I had gotten a scholarship to Ohio state and I did not go because I wanted to be here for my then boyfriend and now I totally regret it. From now on it is me. I really think that I have grown just in the last day even and finally I’m my OWN SELF. I have been thinking I’m not going to put up with anyone anymore if they make me mad their gone. I’m not ever going to spend 4 years with someone who I don’t like ever again. We really fought every time we where together. It got to the point where if we went anywhere I would follow him in my car because we could not ride together. I really think that its harder for me because I was really close to his family I cheered with his sister for like 3 years and his grandmother has Parkinson’s disease and I did spend a lot of time with her. Then there is the fact that our fathers work together and his parents just got a divorce like 3 days ago. I really did not want to break up with him now because of how much he has going on but I need to start doing things for myself.

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in school [14 Sep 2005|12:03pm]
[ mood | cranky ]
[ music | the sound of people typing on the keyboards ahhhhhhhhhh ]

Well I’m in English right now nothing really interesting happening right now beside I’m really bored and tired and really really behind because i have like no money to get books and I had to get my chem. books and my math book which were like 120 together so I’m other words I’m screwed, and I’m going to fail this sem but that’s ok because I’m going to Akron for the spring sem! Well gonna go work on other things! ttyl!

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akron [14 Sep 2005|01:11am]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | Gretchen Wilson ]

Well this weekend I went to the University of Akron to get out of this hole called Youngstown! I liked it so much I decided to go there next semester! I have just recently had a falling out with my boyfriend of three years and he was the reason I was staying here so. We also went to the tek house for a party it was really fun and I ended up staying with a guy I went to school with named tom and going to another party Saturday! The campus is so pretty and clean and people are walking around and parting until all hours of the morning and you would never see that at YSU! I met a lot of really awesome people and had a lot of great fun! I have also decided it is a lot easer to meet people there and there really friendly!

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I totally give in [07 Sep 2005|11:20pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | hicktown-jason aldean,sombody's hero- jamie oneal ]

Well after the day I had today I don't know what’s up of down to tell you the truth I swore that I would never write anything about my life in here but u know what quite frankly I don't even care now! Well today started off pretty horrible because my mom and I were fighting because I really don't have the money for my books and its really upsetting me to the point of me coming home and just going to bed because i just don't want to be upset anymore! So I left in my usual fit or rage and spent 30 dollars at the gas station! I was buy this time 20 min behind schedule so I was flying but not that I did not expect it a semi truck hauling pipes pulled out in front of me and was going 20 miles an hour. This is the point I begin to get more than a little ticked then to my surprise I see a girl with whom I went to high school with and had, also had a huge falling out with right before graduation! I was hoping it would stop after three u know how they say things happen in threes. Well that was not it I went to chem. class it was good psych worse then I had English which surprisingly is beginning to be my favorite class then I told myself ahhhh a break yes!!!!! I went over to ward betcher and sat in the lounge area thingy then some really loud girl was bugging the hell out of me so I left and went to sit on these benchy things in the wall and did my math homework well the class that was in the room I needed to be in had left and I got up I started talking to a girl I knew them turned to pick up my things which were right behind me and my purse was gone at this point I just wanted to collapse that was it what else really! So I realize my keys are in it and I can leave for the day but no I can't so I go to the lost and found nope not there! I end up sitting with university police for like 2 hours and then my mom came and got me! So then I call my boyfriend hoping to get a little shoulder to cry on and he blows me off like usual and says he is tired and hangs up! So I’m left to call all of the people I needed to close everything and close my bank account and get my cell shut off and get a new one! Then get a key made for my car and hope it works so i could take it to get a new alarm and keys! Then I have now decided I absolutely hate YSU and I’m probably going to Akron next sem! I HATE YOUNGSTOWN and you know I should have listened to everyone and not gone to you screwed up! But I don't listen now I have learned my lesson and I would not care if Youngstown fell off the face of the earth it’s a dirty hole! k then I think I’m done venting well have fun kids in going to bed hopefully I will wake up feeling better than I am I really need to hit some parties this weekend and forget about all of the junk that’s been happening !!!!!!!!!!

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first one [07 Sep 2005|12:20pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

Well today I will write my first posting just to get the darn thing out of the way! I really think this is quite silly and I have nothing to write about because I’m not going to tell people I don't even know about my life I’m just not that type of person! But here ya go! I have a very uneventful life and go out with my friends every Saturday we always do the same thing nothing different nothing ever changes well it does but I’m not going to tell you because I really don't want to and I REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE THIS!!!!!

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