Blurty for Nicole.

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Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004

Time:2:49 pm.
Mood: busy.
Here I go. I'm officially ditching you, blurty. No matter how much I've bitched, you've been good to me... you can reach me here http://www.livejournal.com/users/plusizebarbie/
Pretty much the same thing except just starting over and I will actually be part of a community, much like this was in its glory days.
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Sunday, May 30th, 2004

Time:6:44 pm.
Mood: okay.
I'll come home 15 pounds heavier. It's my goal.

And I love how the one weekend I CAN'T use my phone is the weekend I sadly read the list of 12 missed calls... god you guys.

--delete this part...---

I want a boy. I want to go to LJ. I want to keep blogging, maybe I'll make one where no one knows about it because then I can stop feeling like a loser, updating 24-7.


OOOOHH!!!!! For a graduation present I get a trip to Australia. Or wherever else I pick, but for the moment it's snorkeling in the great barrier reef and chasing kangaroos and wallabies... I'm so freaking excited. And then the year after that I go to Japan with Michelle for her grad gift. Or possibly a tour-de-europe thing, she's got an extra year to decide so I assume I won't know for a while... anywhere she picks will be awesome, but probably not as awesome as Australia! WOOOO!!!!!
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Friday, May 28th, 2004

Time:7:26 pm.
Mood:blue for blue stem.
Blue Stem for the night, then I'm gone for a while. Grandpa's back in the hospital so we are leaving tonight... I hate this. Garrr... I hate seeing this. I want to stay here and be oblivious to that... Man, I go and think about it and I'm sorta on the devistated side, but I will not let it ruin tonight, I'll just let it ruin this weekend. I'm glad I'll get to see him... ooooh lord.
Call and leave me something light and funny. Seeee ya.
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Time:3:38 am.
Mood:stupid.
Gooooooooddddd.... Totally avoiding the homework thing. Normally this time of year I'd be pulling double duty to make up for my half-assed job all year long, but I'm still not trying, even with 5 days left. *cock*
So here I am, blurtying and drooling over the image update, as usual, at 330 in the morning... no one writes on blurty anymore so as of June 5th, one year to the day (I think?) from when I started this, I'm switching to LJ because I'm the only one that uses this and no one comments here. It actually pains me because I'm so accustomed to here and new things scare me, but this is sad other blurtiers, I feel like I carry any sort of community we may have on my back, with the nothingness of these posts. So, although I will not do an "I offer this, my resignation" symbolic post, I will just quietly slip over to the dark side one fine day and you will be left with nothing, fellow blurtiers, except to actually write stuff of your own. Bwa ha ha!
Shit! English! Lord of the Flies! Craaaaap!

--haha-- Stalker!
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Thursday, May 27th, 2004

Time:3:21 pm.
Mood: giggly.
Day in short? Jumping out the window during 7th and talking to Tyler all period. Then Fiery Superballs of Death in chemistry. Tonight: Assloads of homework after the nap I'm about to take. Wish me luck!
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Wednesday, May 26th, 2004

Time:12:05 pm.
I think I really just didn't want to go to school... and boy did I pick the most wonderful day to skip.

I had an Adam dream... pretty sure he said Chyna was really hot and he didn't have a clue who I was. Go figure.

Gettin' my first taste of summer... this is niiiiice.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, May 25th, 2004

Time:8:53 pm.
Mood: stressed.
Howard actually told customers the reason he has to raise prices is because butter costs so much. In the words of Ashley, TWAT?!?!?
And I realize I spend almost 90 percent of my time not working and doing things like stealing food, running away from Howard and bitching and moaning. In the words of Peter Gibbons "I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work."
3 more years until I can wait at a real restaurant with no Franks and people that come in with shit in their pants. Speaking of Frank, I totally take back my "Pablo has a Frank-vibe" statement. Pablo's cool. He's super perceptive and my new best adult friend.
I'mtiredandboringI'mleavingnow.

--edit-- I'm not home this weekend. I have to leave. I would be the worst person ever if I didn't go. I feel guilty because I'm so upset that I'm have to go and I had such big plans for this weekend. And I completely forgot about work. The one time I really can't afford to lose any money and I'll be out an entire weekend worth of shitty tips. May have to budget the last weekend of school, count me out of anything expensive, I'm still worried about a car... Fuck fuck fuck. Back to stress. --/edit--
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Time:4:35 pm.
Trying to convince myself that I'm a lesbian. I think I might be almost there. Damn it would be so much easier if Chyna and I really COULD go out. Alas, even the sexiness that is Feeb doesn't seem to be enough to change my adoration for the males.

Rudely awakened. Shower. Hair. Car. School. Boys. Nap. Boy. School. Bus. Home. Popcorn. Change. Work. Home. Sleep. <---> My day in a nutshell.

It's so pretty out. Wish I could go dance in this gorgeousness. In fact, here I go...
Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

Monday, May 24th, 2004

Time:4:17 pm.
Mood:worn....
Yep. Irresponsible me. I'm a big selfish bitch, I am. Like it makes any difference whether I tell you the second the car breaks or 10 years from now, it's not like you'll help me any faster. Yes. I am selfish. It's what I do. I don't have anything else to fucking do except hate my life and suck at everything I do because the rewards for being productive and good are so fucking minimal that I'd rather be a huge fuck up, at least that's fucking fun.

I'm taking the out, I'm gonna fuck up the rest of this year and hopefully have a huge blast doing it. 8 days of hell and then I'm out to screw it all up even more this summer. Fuck you, I'm officially emotionally and mentally detatched and unaffiliated with anything that happens to me for the next 3 months. Good luck, Nicole.

Like always, I hate this about myself but I'm just to tired to even attempt to change right now... maybe I can hit some sort of rock bottom.

10 minutes later ... [edit] Yeah, I don't even remember writing those words, I haven't been that upset in a really long time. In typical scorpio fashion, I'm quick to anger yet quick to all but forget what I was raging at moments before. I hate these posts but I'm leaving it here for shits and giggles. I'm still tired and when I say words out loud they come out screechy and pinched but at least what I write isn't a huge incoherent mess right now. I'm going to go read some more of my steamy romance novel and then fall asleep. ::/edit::
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Sunday, May 23rd, 2004

Time:9:21 pm.
Mood: cranky.
What a busted night. He chased me up the stairs and out the door and to my car and somehow that just wasn't good enough. What the fuck would I be happy with, if I get what I want and then all of a sudden it's not enough?

I think I'm just going to be mad at him and call it that, instead of me really not wanting to hang out with him. I'm failing that chemistry part, and it's okay... BLAAAAAHH!!!! Just not comfortable enough around you for anything to work. Maybe I'm used to fitting, maybe I just need Dave back. Ooooh... shit, good Idea Nicole. Take back the ex of 2 years ago, that's what you need to move on to a new relationship. Fuuuuuuccckkkkk this.
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Time:8:18 am.
Mood: thirsty.
I slept through last night... not sure that I needed it, but since I was on self- and rain-imposed-lockdown and didn't really feel like doing anything stupid or like being online anymore, I just went to sleep and woke with the ring of whoever felt like calling me. Drunk Nathan called, and I talked to him and Drunk Cavan for about 45 minutes... I'm amazed at how comfortable I am talking to Cavan but not to Nate... this is new to me. Maybe there really IS no chemistry? Ahhh, fuck chemistry, at least I'm passing now. No wonder I'm not good at it, I'm missing eleven assignments.
Dave called about 13 times. Wanted me to hang/sneak out. I went back to sleep instead. The end.

And so I also slept through most of the awesome rainstorm. I did go out and eat spaghetti in it, I'm pretty sure it made it taste better. I didn't know anything about a tornado until this morning. Hmm...

Work in a few hours, Big Fish until then. I'm boring bye.
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Saturday, May 22nd, 2004

Time:5:02 pm.
Mood:stupid.
New boy at work... gaaaaaaahhhhhhhh..... Brad. Brad the Sex God. Yummyness in the smelly department, and he smells so good and the cologne he wears is kickass and he's so smellerific. Hehe. I jumped on Loretta (easily 70 years old) and said "There's a new one for me to play with!" and she laughed at me for like 10 minutes. I feel like Lennie. I want to hug him and squeeze him and play with him, George, can I put him with the rabbits?

Lindsay is the biggest fuck-up on the planet. I told Pat (the Cook) this and he said "she's not a fuck-up" so I said "okay, she's a cock-up" and he looked down and said "no it's not" and I laughed and laughed and laughed. I thought it was days worth of funny, coming from Pat and what not.

Brad is hot, I am sore and smelly, and I want to borrow someone's hottub for a few hours to de-cramp my legs and then sleep a lot. Sorry Cole, I don't think I'll make it to your show.
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Friday, May 21st, 2004

Time:11:27 pm.
Mood:bummed.
Cortez won't start. For my lack of car knowledge, it seems pretty obvious that the starter went out as it wont START!.
"There's only 2 reason's a car won't start: you're not getting fuel or you're not getting fire... you've got fuel..." -Benny, Benny & Joon

:edit: Good eye. I thought the same thing. :/edit:
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Thursday, May 20th, 2004

Time:3:57 pm.
Mood:lusty.


Hot boy of the moment... pretty, isn't he?

IAM:AlbertFish - swedish... droooool........
Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

Wednesday, May 19th, 2004

Time:4:40 pm.
Mood:soon to be rejected....
Yes, I'm sure you remember it that vividly. Vivid... Cool word. Stupid story.

Had a good day... I'm seriously rethinking this "it's okay to fail" attitude because I REALLY don't want to take second semester of adva-algebra over again. Fuckin shoot me before I have to learn about... fuck, I don't know what we've learned about, I've been sleeping for 3 weeks. Maybe I'll just go back to sleep.

And I do realize boys are my weakness and I want one for my very own really really soonly, I may have to go crazy if I don't get one. I don't even care which one anymore, I just want that undivided boyfriendy attention that I havent had for... 2 years. Gasp. May have to just tattoo SPINSTER across my forehead right now and get the rest of my life all squared away on the "pathetic and lonely" path.

Contradicting my vow of solitude and independence and converative reserve I made only a few days ago (I will fall on my face and break my neck):
I'm calling him tonight... I told him I want to talk to him, but now I have to go and figure out what I want to talk about... hey you... mumble mumble... awkward silence... I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!


*shyness*


*eep*
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Tuesday, May 18th, 2004

Time:10:02 pm.
Mood:another bought of perfection.
Oh my god. Best night of my life. I've never sang in front of so many people and never felt so good about anything I've ever done. I didn't know I was capable of feeling this accomplished... my mom even cried. I wish Nathan would have seen and I wish I could tell him what I want to. Alas, I'm doing that giving up thing and probably won't ever tell him how much he means to me before I run out of time and he graduates. 10 days.

I'm so proud of me. I haven't smiled this much in a long time. I can't wait for the dvd of it. This is what I want to do. This is what I WILL do. I just couldn't be happier...
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Time:4:34 pm.
Mood: excited.
Wish me luck!!!!!!
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Monday, May 17th, 2004

Time:4:38 pm.
Mood:meh.
I think that annorexic people should wear negative sizes to encourage them to get fatter. Because who wants to be less than nothing? You've got to be a real big loser to suck so much to be negatory. Come on people, be positive!

I've given up. On school, yeah, I gave up on that months ago, but on other stuff too. I'm only stable when I'm not upset by outside influences, so if I quit putting myself out there then I can stop being vulnerable to getting squished. I really don't like getting squished and lately the payoff for my "balls to the wall" attitude has been really shitty so I'm just going to go back to being me, although I might add a dash of "reserved and socially acceptable" to the mix just so I can go unnoticed and not attract anything unwanted. No, scratch that, it's COMPLETELY wanted but maybe just not right now. I want something... meh. I'll just live without, I'm sick of getting close and then stuff falling apart. I shall be a rock of independence and completely happy with what I could be missing... because I wouldn't have it for long enough to be happy with anyway.

I think fat people should get really really really long self-help books and then they could read those instead of eating. But knowing fat people (me), they just eat and read at the same time... maybe we should just lock them in a room and make them sit the fat off. Fuck exercise, if you sit there long enough without any food, your body will just eat its fat away. Nicole's Gauranteed Fat-Dude Diet Book (patent pending), available at all participating Border's and Barnes and Noble's.
Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

Sunday, May 16th, 2004

Time:11:10 am.
Mood:beyond perfectioin.
Bel Canto. Those words encompass so much about myself that I adore and will grow to love (even though I don't know how it's possible to out-do last night on the love scale) and I've never been more proud of myself and happier about how my life is going than to experience last night. Thank you, Seniors, I can safely say that was one of the best nights of my life. There are just no words to describe what I feel for you and for the choir and for what the next 2 years of my life will hold. Thank you. A million times over, thank you. This will be incredible and I'm so excited to get started but I'm already so sad to see you guys go and to know that in such a short time I'm going to be initiating and unwilling to blow out my candle too... Hurrah for bittersweet endings and for brand new beginnings.
Ever feel like you are choosing who you want to be by the choices you make? I'm so glad I'm here because THIS is what I want to do and THIS is who I want to be.


Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, May 14th, 2004

Time:4:32 pm.
Mood: silly.
Eww, Nicole, gross, such bad, bad taste you have. Very disappointed in you.

So much fun though, isn't it? *sheepish grin*
Comments: Add Your Own.

Blurty for Nicole.

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