| 'im having trouble trying to sleep" |
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| 02:47am 19/10/2003 |
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mood:  crappy
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i dont know whats going on im so pissed and confused and torn. pissed because my 'best friend' is being a bitch. ok here is the thing a few weeks ago i met a guy named josh, who happens to be puerto rican, so we exchanged numbers and he seems like a really nice guy and he just moved here so he asked me to show him around a little. so i agreed, just as a friend, not sure if he wants more but that doesnt matter cause i love rob :) but anyway josh keeps calling me and this 'friend' of mine says 'next time he calls give me your phone and ill tell him to stop calling, you only date white boys' and this completely floored me. my jaw dropped to the floor. i could not fucking believe she said that. first of all i do not only date white boys if i wasnt so head over heels over rob i would go on a date with josh, he is such a sweet heart. second, who the fuck is she to tell me who i do and do not date. and third, that was just out right ignorant to say. i swear i wanted to punch her and i couldnt believe i was friends with such a close minded person. |
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| slice open my veins and let the romance bleed away |
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| 01:47am 17/10/2003 |
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mood:  content music: y100
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work .......sucked....flyers tied again! damn them. i dont wanna work tomorrow...i didnt wanna work today but i reeeaaaally dont wanna work tomorrow. oh well. must make money. i hope i can get a phone tomorrow cause not having one sucks. me and michele should make plans to do something...i shall call her tomorrow. that is all... |
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| "should i bite my tongue until blood soaks my shirt" |
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| 10:10pm 15/10/2003 |
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mood:  contemplative music: the ataris - boys of summer (on y100)
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so my day off today i slept until 12, then did nothing. then got in to a fight with joe, then got a shower, then watched tv, now im on here...ahh yes interesting. i wonder how a long distance relationship is gonna work out...its weird how i really do love rob. he loves me to, but the thing is, he falls in love so easily its ridiculous. since last year he has said he loved 3 girls including me...i havent loved anyone, besides him that is. but then he told me 'i loved you before i loved krys and jen'...so i dont know. he doesnt wanna live in mississippi anymore. he hates it there. he said he wants to be wherever i wanna be. and i dont wanna be here. but us both moving to a completely different place at the same time is nearly impossible. so im thinking maybe he can move here, i think i'll be fine staying here as long as i dont live in this house anymore....i dont know. we have a lot of shit to figure out. |
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| 12:17am 14/10/2003 |
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i would like for someone to kill me since i am to scared to do it myself |
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| i know that this is what you want a funeral keeps both of us apart |
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| 01:14am 13/10/2003 |
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mood: content music: brand new- play crack the sky
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ahem...josh called me 4 times today, my mom was gonna kill him lol. i have to call him, i said dont you have work and he said yea but call my cell phone, so then i said yea but you'll be in work, and he said yea but im the supervisor i make the rules and i say i get to talk to you.hopefully he works out better than eric... |
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| "good has lost it's heart" |
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| 12:49pm 12/10/2003 |
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mood:  pissed off music: matchbook romance- shadows like statues
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i havent updated in a little while....i have work today, i dont wanna go but i have to, oh well i make an extra dollar an hour today. i have to start paying my mom $50 a month to live here, that sucks. its not like its a lot but it still sucks. i should just move in with my aunt and live there for free...i would if she didnt live in jersey or if i could fucking drive!thats pissing me off to no end. i started this journal perfectly content and now im ending it pissed off...great... |
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| "and if it makes you less sad i will die by your hand" |
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| 01:40pm 11/10/2003 |
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mood: content
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work yesterday, wasnt bad. at the end of the night i was on express and we were slow as anything. then i came home and sat outside with ally and patty....its a long uninteresting story that i dont feel like typing. jay came over and was talking to us for a little while, he was drunk and told me and patty he didnt know us. which he did, but anyway...umm yea that sums up my day. i have off of work today and tomorrow-tuesday i work i hve off wed. and work thurs and fri, off saturday cause of the drive thru tour yay! |
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| "die young and save yourself" |
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| 02:01am 10/10/2003 |
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mood: depressed music: linkin park- easier to run
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i cant take this place anymore. i cant stand it. i feel like i cant live another day here, especially with joe. i feel like putting a bullet through his head. words can not express the hatred i feel for him. i didnt go to work today, i dont wanna go tomorrow but i have to. i feel like crawling in a corner and dying...that sounds really good..... |
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| 12:47pm 08/10/2003 |
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yup another journal for me to whine in, yay |
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