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Bliss [28 Aug 2004|01:38am] [ mood | loved ] [ music | Nick Lachey- This I Swear ] BLURTY!! heyy today was a good day... It was Ashleys bday. she just turned 12. shes such a big girl now....We sang happy birthday at like 10 ish. and i got ready and went to the movies and say Little Black Book with Mike<3... he hated it, but he wuvs me so he sat through it and delt with it for me! hehe.... it was a good movie typical chic flick. afterwards we were going to go to Fran's house but we didnt feel like going there .... i just wanted to be with him tonight. i didnt care i mean i would have definitly went to fran's house, but i just wanted to spend time with him. i dont know.soo we just sat in his car at my house and just talked for a while ago... about everything. seriously EVERYTHING.....i dont kno what it is about g him... he seeks to amaze me. i am purely infatuated with him. hes such a great guy. i dont know Blurty, i dont know what it is but i see this being something for a long time. I look foreward to seeing him all the time. i just dont know what it is hes a magnet that draws me to him. i know there are things wrong i have done in the past with relationship and mistakes i have made but this is different. way different. i dont think i have ever had something like this before. he always says no matter what he will always be there. and i believe that whole heartedly. everything seems to be falling into place. we were talking about how we first established how we liked or had feelings for eachother. hat party..lol... crazy night. in work, how he used to say dumb stuff to me and just made me wanna get to know him more and more, because i knew there was something else about him i wanted to get to know. i didnt know that it would ever be like this. yea he was a great guy and all but never did i believe me and him would be together. i know i have strong feelings bc i am worrying about him not being with me and where he is all the time and if i dont talk to him i think something is wrong. i dont know whats going on with me? its a feeling i have never had before.?.? we sat in his car and looked for stars because of course there were no stars out at night. tonight. i wanna get some pictures of us to post so everyone can see who he is. i am dieing to just start taking pictures but o well. he has a surprise for me bc my bday is coming up. i am excited persoanlly i like surprises but i dont know sometimes i dont. weird?.....o well. i am going to go to bed! got to get some sleep. ZzZzZZZZzzzzz.... Talk to you Later. Love ya Lots! Amber xoxo post comment

Hear Me Lullaby [24 Aug 2004|01:36am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | LInkin Park - My December ] Unspeakable Lullabies Through the acts of pain I’m hurt again. Through looking in your eyes the love you no longer extend. To help me find the way to live for the future and put the past yesterday. I long for what you now don’t give, the passion, emotion that I strive for to live. As time goes by and still I try to find out why I hurt inside. No longer do I have an answer to the questions that haunt my forever. Please turn away your self love, and come back and save me from eternal pain. I am sinking so deep into an eternity, please come save me, please come save me. Through your acts of materialistic love, you have sunk deep within. How are you to escape it now? The evil that takes the place of your reality. What you lack is self reliance, depending upon others to take away your pain. By doing this now, my Lullaby, you send out vibes so vain. Your only way to happiness is the allowance of self realization. It’s up to you now, my Lullaby, to change our tomorrow. Full fill our hearts with wisdom and understanding, please no hurt and please no sorrow. Hear me, my Lullaby, don’t block my words from your heart. Allow yourself to listen and seek out yourself a new start. By shutting out my whispers to you, you shut out me completely. The actions you decide to pursue, deepens the knife you placed into my heart. Please understand, my Lullaby, through me you have a sunrise to a brighter tomorrow. Don’t allow the sun to set on us, my Lullaby, chances you may never get a hold to strengthen again the Stars at night, and allow the whispers to become silenced. Please don’t fade my shining horizon, though day by day you set before me. Allowing yourself seperation, you allow yourself never to be restored within my sky. Please, my Lullaby, realize the ache that you are sending upon, through acts of selfishness. You will one day realize, my shining horizon will not set, but your whispers to me will rest. And when you, my Lullaby, come before me numbered tomorrows, please expect no guilt, no repentance, no remorse for your past regretful sorrows. 1 comment|post comment

No more drama [23 Aug 2004|10:48pm] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | Chicago-- Your My Inspiration ] Oh blurty!!! what to do seriously?..... why is it nothing is going the way it should be?. //August 22// the aweful rent was late picking up my brother and sister. I Hate her~ she doesnt understand what she is doing to me at all i dont know why but she is being such a **BEEP**!!!! all i wants from her is a damn signature and she has to be difficult about everything because she is a self greedy dumb person. ugh i wanna just lash out and shart calling her every last namein the book but i know it is wrong and not to say anything like that online, but i cant help the way i feel anymore. i try and try so hard to be nice and be close with her ut this sh*t pushes me farther and farther away from her. she is going to regret this in the long run when she has nothing and she needs someone to help her out. whos not going to be there?... ME!!!!..... i cant wait until brother and sister are older and old enuff to see what she really is. a life ruiner that what. A gold digger, who doesnt know how to go out and get a job and live her own life. i swear to god if i ever was to ever see myself turning out like that i would put myself and the people around me out of my own misery...... And her LOSER boyfriend!!! WOW dont get me started. what a effen loser.!.... lets get ur kids health insurance buddy!.....your nothing but a drug addict and yes you are and you know it..... where else do you get your money?....and how dare him say if i get preg. than i am going to go running back to my "mommy" asking for her help. does he thyink i am that stupid?.... i wouldnt go to her for anything. i just cant wait until he uses her and throws her away like he did the last past three times but shes an idiot and believes everything a guy tells her bc she doesnt know any better she thinks everything is just going to be handed to her. well lets wake up to reality hunny. you need to work for what you want in life and u havent worked, mayb working guys but nothing that'll ever benifit you nor your family..... Ugh?! Blurty i cant get these types of feelings out to jut anyone, i dont wanna beat anyones ear about my issues bc yea i do admit i do talk about it alot and people dont always wanna hear it. anyways,------ i just got a new job an Gearo's working with Frankie. WOW what a boring job i cannot work there. i do not make anything. IM quitting! DEFF Mos DEF! i was supposed to go out tonight..AHHH frankies mad at me bc i didnt come hang out .. but i didnt feel good.... ill call him later... or wait hes online now! I talked to Mike.. and hes oat his friend Franks house playing Madden still ... wat a nerd! but o well i dont care.....I miss high school... i know like where did that come from but hey i do.. i miss it soooo much!...... i miss everyone i hungoutwith bc not everyone is as close anymore and its going to suck a$$ when everyone goes to college !!! BOO HOO... Tear Sniff.... i need to go job hunting mayb ill go tomorrow!?!?.....Hmmmm.....i dont know .... i need something to occupy my time..... thinking oh thinking. whats to make of these thoughts? dreams oh what dream oh what to make of these dreams i dream.?.?.? waking to reality and knowing dreams are just fake. oh when will it be the next i sleep and dream? post comment

Unspeakable Lullabies [23 Aug 2004|07:20pm] Hey Blurty, ugh today was ok i guess..... i was supposed to go out with Mike but something came up. He's going to a party tonight anyways. so i guess i'll just see him tomorrow. I am prolly going to go to Amandas tonight to see everyone. They are all drinking i dont feel like drinking. its Not!! fun anymore.but o well. im going to go i just wanted to drop a line. ok Love ya much Smooches. xoxoxo Amber~ 1 comment|post comment

[22 Aug 2004|01:59am] [ mood | indescribable ] [ music | USHER- LET IT BURN ] oh my Xanga I am sooo upset right now. after a long day of not feeling good, i sawmy mom, she came by my house to pick up my brother and sister. shes such a b*tch i hate her. shes ruining my life as i know it.ugh!!!.... i have to wait until january to go to college now because she and her lovely coke addict of a boyfriend, who by the way is using her an deals drugs and is a manager at a BAR. i mean come on who manages a bar?...LOSERS!!! get a real job. i hate him too he has turned my mom into a loser also. she doesnt work or anything. all she does is depends on guys to help her out. shes lucky she has my brother and sister still or atleast until they are old enough to realize how bad of a person she really is! she lost me and the way she treats me, ugh... she doesnt deserve to have me as her daughter, shes no role model. shes a rediculous woman who wont realze the world isnt free. ugh omg i hate talking about her but no one wants to hear me badger bull crap all the time about stuff like this . i mean it bother me sooo much its all i talk about anymore. how my mom is or has become a loser. no direction. so dependent on other people. o well. anyways...... all of my friends or most of them are leaving for college soon. i am going to miss them. i need to find a job!!...asap! dads giving me a hard time about it. hes right tho i need something to take up my time. everyone always drinks now. no one does anything fu. nothig is fun anymore. i hate drinking now its getting soooooooo boring, and no one actually wants to go anywhere. i just go off the phone with Mike and hes going to play Madden with all of his friends. o wel i guess i will see him tomorrow. me and him are going to the park to take some picturess of the both of us. we dont have aby pictures of us yet. today is the 22nd of august. today is the day , if me and frankie were still together, is the day we first kissed and liked or got to know eachother well and were together for soooo long. Memories! but life goes on. RIGHT?.... I miss Medium Megan!... she hasnt called me at all in the last past few days. that bothers me. i called her today but of course her phone went right to her VM. i guess everyone is just going there own ways.... its sad really but hey again life goes on. but its 10:24 pm now so im going to go and try to find something to do..... ok Love ya Smooches xoxo Sparkling Lullaby = ME! post comment

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