[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 9 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Sunday, August 31st, 2003|
life has a twisted sence of humor
i hate being me.
school was ok this week. Lita and i didn't hit it off like i hoped we would. we actually don't talk much aside from her asking me for my notes in history class and we occasionally talk while she's waiting for her bus at the end of the day. i met a girl named Heather. i thought she was cool when i first met her. then i found out that she was bi, and that was even better. so we hung out a lot at school all week and i asked her on thursday if she wanted to come over on friday to my bro's b-day party and then stay the night. she said she would, and she did. i found out on friday that she has been pregnant before (she lost it though), which was a huge turn off. i tried not to let it be something that i judged her by though. it turned out that she isn't my type, reguardless of the pregnancy thing. she's more dominate than i am, which was rather refreshing, but i don't think she realized that fact herself. i dunno, she's pushy and plays around rather roughly (lol.. she like poked me in my side and it kind of hurt. i said owe and told her to be more careful cause i'm fragile. she laughed at me and asked how the hell i got my black belt in Karate. i was wondering what the fuck hav) just really seems like someone who could end up abusive if they ever got mad or drunk or something. and she's more immature than i am. she's older than me though. worst part is. i think she likes me now that i've showed the slightest of interest in her. she also seems like someone who could be clingy. i'm not looking to be the pair of pants that the sock is sticking to. i'm pretty independant and i'd like someone who is the same. there can be things i'm needed for, but i don't want to feel like they want me to do everything with or for them. everyone needs self time.
this guy, carlos, wants to go out with me. he hasn't asked me out yet but he tried kiss me before he left my house the other day. i just kind of laughed at him and told him goodnight. his attempt was cute enough. too bad i'm not straight.
i miss Whitney a lot today. i was going to go see her tomorrow cause we don't have school tomorrow, that way i wouldn't be freaking out from lack there of all next week (or up until i get to see her again). but my dad's a jerk and said i couldn't go. i wanted to cry. every timme i want to be near her and i'm not, it feels like some makes a tiny little cut in me with a razor blade. it doesn't hurt at first but the longer i go without dealing with it, the worse it gets. it starts to itch and i try not to mess with it cause i know that as soon as i star to scratch it, it will start to hurt and bleed. and it'll drive me insane. i think i'd really be ok if i just knew that she was mine. but i know she isn't. i don't like that. at least i know she needs me. and she probably doesn't even really need me. her thinking that she does is more than enough for me though.
anywho, it's been a long week and longer weekend. i'm going to go to bed.
|Sunday, August 24th, 2003|
hey, look. i'm sipinnin'.
someone hold the room still. i'm just a LITTLE drunk.
this is going to be really short cause i gotta go take a shower and go to bed. i have to get up a 6am. it's like almost 10. i'm gonna have the worst hang over tomorrow. lesson of the day: don't drink the night before you have to go back to work/school.
i'm going to go now. i'll prolly update again tomorrow if i don't have any home work.
Free To Be Me,
Current Mood: drunk
Current Music: Finger Eleven
|Thursday, August 21st, 2003|
ah, yes... school. i started my first day as a junior at bellville high school on tuesday this week. i thought it was goin to suck horribly. i was half way right. tuesday and wednesday sucked... but i wasn't horrible. today was even more than bareable. so... let's start from the beginning.
tuesday was shit. i had to find all of my classes and i didn't know my way around the school. i had to remember where my locker was and the combination (the ppl in the office gave me my locker a week early cause it was my first time at the school). i think i filled out about 8 personal information sheets and i had to cover all my books and meet all my teachers that treat me like a little kid. i hate teachers that don't treat you as an equal. and what i hate worse is teachers that expect you to always have everything at exactly the right time. no errors, no exceptions. when i got to the school i sat in the lunch room and waited for the morning bell to ring. i watched all the kids walking and sitting, talking and eating, trying to wake up and get themselves ready for the torture known as school. first period i have Spanish II with Mr. Perez. i met this guy named Donavan. he's pretty cool but he's really into computers and Japanese cartoons. i like cartoons, but i don't know like character stats on them. i mean come on... they're fictional characters. i was starting to think that things weren't going to be so bad though 'cause this class seemed pretty cool. then i went to U.S. History with Mr. Ham. i hate history but i think that this it's going to be my favorite class. Mr. Ham it funny and seems like he'd be a good teacher. the whole class period is an open discussion and he let's us make fun of him occassionally. (this is also where i saw Lita for the first time. She's an exchange student from Armenia.) next i went to Health with coach Cerny. we didn't do anything at all really. went over the student code of conduct. that's where i met David. he's cool. Lita was also in this class with me. i didn't say anything to her though. after that we had lunch where i met Lawren (who also happened to be in my Health class) and Jestie. (i think i spelled that right. all these ppl spell their names crazy). they're both alright. i would call Lawren a poser, but i'm not sure what she posing as. somthing doesn't seem real about her though. Jestie is not the kind of person i prefer to hang out with. he'd be interesting if we had anything in common, but he just talks about games and cars and computers. at least Donavan is interested in listing to things i like, as well as telling me about stuff he's interested in. he's very open minded and likes to learn new things. after lunch i go to English III with Mrs. Wallace. she's a hard ass, but i find myself seaking her approval. i need to if i'm going to be a writter. Donavan it in this class with me. i don't really talk to anyone else in there. now i go to keyboarding with coach Baker. she's a biatch. the first day was slow cause... it was the first day. we didn't do anything. right now i sit next to this girl Tiffany, but she's getting out of the class. i don't think ill be talking to anyone else in there. after that i got to Algebra II with Mr. Mahlmann. i think he's gay, like litterally. i don't really like his teaching style, but i sort of understand his opposition. or maybe i just try to agree cause i think we sort of have something in common. now for the last class of the day, English II with Mrs. Eickhoff (sounds like I cough). i had head nothing but bad things about her so i was kind of worried. she's not that bad though. she's just really picky. David is in that class with me. so, now i ride home on bus 30. we get out of school at 3:30 and i get home a little after 4:30. doesn't that suck?? Jestin rides the bus in the mornings and he rode home on the bus on tuesday, so it was ok. at least there was someone there that i could talk to. but that was first day.
wednesday was pretty much the same thing except i found out that i didn't like my Spanish II class. Mr. Perez is Mexican and he's always known the language, so he forgets to teah us sometimes. Lita and i got off to a good start. i made her smile in history class. i caught her looking at me from across the room (probably because of the clothes i was wearing cause i'm the only person who dresses like me there), so i looked at her and then did something kind of goofy and then did my little finger wave to say hi. she grinned loudly and waved back. I actually said hi to her in health. the rest of the day was like i said, pretty much the same.
today was great! i saw Lita standing in the hallway before school started, so i went and talked to her for a few. she reached down and grabed me by the arm, slid her hand to mine like so they were palm to palm and lifted my hand up so she could look at my ring. it was funny cause i went aginst my normal reaction of pulling away and just let her do it. i normally get nervious when anyone touches me unexpectedly.spanish sucked again. history was cool. we got a new seating arangement. Lita and i sit right next to each other. we didn't talk much cause we were buisy taking notes on american wars. Lawren, David, Lita, and i sat together during health... for a little while. we were all conversing when coach Cerny told Lita that she had to go sit at another table cause we can only have 3 ppl at a table. i can't wait until we get moved into a regular classroom. i want to learn more about Lita and her culture and stoof. :D
anywho, i have to go. i don't want to be all sleepy at school tomorrow.
|Monday, August 11th, 2003|
it's been 2 days shy of a week and lot's has happened. i don't remember what i did on thursday. i think i went to work. i know i worked on friday and then went to my mother's house. on saterday Whitney called me at like 8:30am. i knew it was her as soon as the phone rang. i was still in bed but my mom brought me the phone. we made plans to hang out for the day. i made my brother take me to wal-mart to go get some hair dye cause my roots were showing. i re-dyed my hair and then went back to wal-mart where Whitney and her mother were waiting for me. They took me to her house and we talked a little bit. Whitney showed me pictures and told me about her trip to Europe. She got me a rainbow flag that says PEACE on it. it's so cool. not only is it a rainbow, but it turns out the the flag is the un-official flag aginst the post turtle we call a president. He's not my president. Anywho... so, i got to spend the day with Whitney and fall in love with her all over again, while she was telling me about all the amazing things she saw and learned and did while she was gone. the way she was talking about this one artist really got to me. i didn't realize how much i had missed her until i got back to my mom's house that night though. i stayed up until about 3 just thinking about nothing in particular.
i am stuck in the black hole known as church. i went back yet again. it was a much needed escape from my mom though. still, it's a vicious cycle. i'm now stuck with going to this 3 day christian music festival called spin 360. it's crap. they even had another homosexual slamming session. bastards. i read some stuff about the group, TATU. apparently the LGBT community isn't getting what it's looking for in this duo. sure, the fact that they're so popular despite thier sexual orientation is great, but listeners want more. personally, i want more. the TATU girls are falling right in with the sex image in pop culture. why would they want to be just like everyone else? CELEBRATE DIVERSITY, people!!! break the mold, stand out... be you! tell the world what you think about the shit it puts you through. and don't just tell them about it, do something about it. i'm not saying it takes something dramatic. TATU could be using their lyrics to ring out the soft cries of the 10% who are screaming for equality. they could be fighting to stop the hate. they could be helping the horribly mis-informed understand us, which would get us one step closer to a homophobic free world. but they're not. i guess what they say still stands true. if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself.
today i went to my new school and got my books, schedule, and locker # and combination. i'm annoyed with the fact that i have no elective, but that's mainly my fault (mine and the crappy school that i used to go to). this year's going to be boring. Whitney called me after she got home from school today. she sounded pretty upset. she didn't have the best of first days of school. so, i lent a sympathetic ear, as most ppl find that i give freely without complaint (unless someone i like is going to complain to me about a heterosexual relationship. i don't wanna hear it)....
blah blah blah, i'm out of stuff to say.
Current Mood: weird
Current Music: vanessa calton !~a thousand miles~!
|Wednesday, August 6th, 2003|
i hope he rots
today would have been a relatively good day if i hadn't gone to that fucking church...
i got up a little after 8, took a shower, and got ready to go to my dad's work. we were supposed to go get info for my enrolment to bellville high. my dad ended up not going, so i went by myself. i got the papers and asked about a dress code, but they couldn't give me any information on it cause they're stupid. oh well. i went back to my house and ate brunch, which consisted of a chicken and cheese sandwich (my only meal for the day, i have decided). my dad came to my house around 11:20 or so and asked me why i wasn't at work yet. just playing around, he hit my shoulder pretty hard. i got up and said "alright old man, you don't want none," as i got into my black belt worthy Chun-Kuk-Do fighting stance. he acted like he was going to try and hit me again. i dodged it and flung my fist full speed at his face. he closed his eyes hard just before i stopped my punch about 5mm away from his face. when he opened his eyes, i tapped him on his cheek with my hand and told him that if he needed me for anything that i'd be out working. he said OK and left. I worked for about 2 hours, then came back to my house, and took another shower cause I was filthy. carlos was here now, along with my brother. we went to my hometown and picked up my contacts from the post office and then headed to tommy's house. we didn't even stay there long enough to play pool. from there we went to my friend christina's house where we played midnight club on her play station 2. then we went to the church. we had to sit outside for like 20 minutes because Jason (the youth pastor) wasn't there yet and the ppl in the office won't let us into the youth barn w/o an adult. Jason finally got there and let us in. i worked on some music that we are supposed to be playing on the 17th at our church and later in september at another church (i think). well carlos pulled out tommy's bass and started playing some stuff that he knows how to play on guitar and matt is playing on the drums and i'm trying to tab out this new song for our music line-up (i'm tired of playing the same shit over and over again). it didn't work very well. so, i figured if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. i played along with them for a while once i got the main riffs for the song tabbed. then it was time for youth to start. we played like 5 songs and the Jason gave his bullshit lesson on homosexuality and how wond it is. i wanted to fucking kick him in his ugly face. he knows i'm a lesbian and it seem that he rescently has built all his lessons on how wrong it is. added with the fact that he's just a tad bit homophobic... he made me want to go knock the fuck out of someone/something, anything. when the lesson was over, i loaded my guitar and amp into my car and sat in it with a cd playing and the volume up just as loud as i wanted to scream. i was waiting on carlos and my brother to get their shit together so we could leave. i listened to my 2 favorite songs by silver chair. "Abuse Me" and i don't know the name of the other. it's the fourth song on their "Best Of" album. I like "Abuse Me" a lot though. you know, it's the one that goes, "common, abuse me more, i like it. common, keep talking cause it's true." yeah... that one. anywho, yeah. i hope Jason rots.
Current Mood: pissed off
Current Music: silver chair !~Abuse Me~!
|Tuesday, August 5th, 2003|
old and new
ok, i spent the night at my friend rainies house on sunday. she's a former best friend and neighbor of 9 years. we spent the whole day shopping. it was funny 'cause she and i are almost exact opposites. i spent the whole time creating havoc with her little brother mike. it was fun but i don't want to go shopping again for a while unless i have money too. so, i spent the night. there wasn't anything different about it until i was leaving. rainie's little brother ran up and hugged me as hard as he could.
Anywho, my bro picked me up and he had his friend tommy with him. tommy had spent the night at my new house with my brother. we took tommy to his house, which is just up the road from rainie's, and hung out there for a little while. we were waiting for tasha to get ready cause she needed us to take her down to talk to her recruiting officer. she's enlisted in the USMC. we took her where she needed to go and i went inside with her. she had to do all her physical tests again. i got to do most of it with her. the flexed-bicep hang was pretty easy. you're supposed to hang for a minimum of 15 seconds. tasha hung for about 18 and i stayed for about 57. i felt bad about making her look bad, but i don't like half assing things too much. then tasha did sit-ups. she was supposed to do 42. she didn't even get close. her recruiter just told her to say she did 35 (she wasn't even close to that. it was pretty sad cause i could have done like 50). then we went to the track down the street. we were supposed to run a mile and a half in under 15 minutes, which is mad easy for me cause i used to be in track (not for very long, but long enought to have to run 4 miles in freezing cold rain and get through a 200m dash in 37 seconds after running 2 miles). well, i'm wearing these pants that have pretty big legs on 'em. i didn't think much of it until i was running though. as soon as i would start to hit anything over a jog, i'd trip. i hit the groung like 3 times. i was funny, but it hurt. i just kept getting up coming back for more. i have a scrape below both knee caps and a gash on my left knee cap, which happens to be my bad knee. i tore my ptl (long story). so, i'm still runnung and we get to the mile marker and Sgt. Cantu is there waiting. We stop cause it's like 102+ outside and we had no water. tasha was just about dying and my knees were killing me (a fact that i hid behind a huge smile and a look of accomplishment and pride). i said to myself 'I think that i could do this every day'. Sgt. Cantu was asking me how old i was. i told him he would have to wait another 8 months before he could even think about recruiting me. he looked diappointed, yet hopefull. i'll probably just work out with them until i decide whether or not i'll join.
|Friday, August 1st, 2003|
Girl's night out
Yesterday evening I met some people at our church for a girls night out. There were 5 girls (Iliana, Sharon, Rachel, Tasha, and myself), 2 female sponsors (Emily and Judi), and the youth pastor (Jason who is married to Emily). We all had a rough time deciding who was riding with who on the way to Chili's because no one really likes Rachel. She's younger than the rest of us that were there and tends to get annoying. She never knows when to shut up. Rachel wanted to ride with Jason but she couldn't because no one else wanted to ride with her and she couldn't be in the car without another person (church rule). Iliana and I ended up riding in the back seat of Jason's car and everyone else had to fend for themselves. After we had arrived at Chili's and everone had already ordered their drinks and food, three of the guys from our church (John Miller, John Warren, and Josh) showed up at the resturant wearing dresses. It was so funny. We got pictures and all that good stuff. The guys said that they felt left out and wanted to join us as Big Momma, Star, and Twila, respectively. They stayed and ate dinner with us. After we ate dinner, Iliana and I ordered cheese cake. It was funny cause I think we ate more of each other's cake than our own.
Anywho, we left Chili's and went to Jason and Emily's house where we watched How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days. It's was alright. I think the only things that kept me wayching it was 1) Kate Hudson was in it and she hardly wore a bra, and 2) I got to sit next to Iliana. In case you haven't already realized, I like Iliana. Unfortunately, she strait and she's going out with John Warren. Just my luck. i don't even really like her, she's just another pretty face and witty personality. We played like 12 games of pool last night. I won every single one of them. That's sad. All the girls kept wanting a rematch... Except Iliana. She only played one game with me last night. I helped her out on all her shots by showing her where she had the best shots and where to hit the ball at. I think it was her first time playing but she already knew the basic idea of the game. I had every intention of letting her win. I found the hardest possible shot for the eight ball (with out looking like I was incredibly insane for even trying it) on my last turn and called it. At that moment, I hated bein good at pool.
We stayed up all night hanging out. we told funny stories and jokes and made fun of stupid people. "Common sense is no longer common. It's rare sense." A little quote from Iliana. want to know a good oxymoron? Microsoft Works. But yeah. Iliana and I "slept" down stairs on the couch and everone else stayed upstairs. Jason got everone up at 10am with really loud music. I was already up when he turned it on (lucky for him). We all ate breakfast and went upstairs to play more pool. I won another game aginst Tasha and Rachel, and then I invited Iliana to another game which I procieded to let her win of course. For the binning part of the game she was actually giving me a good run for my money.
That is about all that's happened since I last updated. As always I'll write again when I have things to write about.
Current Mood: tired
|Wednesday, July 30th, 2003|
just a day
Today... Today was... Today was eventful. Yeah... eventful. My brother's friend Carlos spent the night last night. I hate boys. They're so immature. They kept me up all night and woke me up around 8am. I went to work at 10:30. I hate my job but it's worth the pay, and I need the money. Three-hundred dollars a month and I only work about 5 and 1/2 hours a week. Anywho, on with my day...
I got home from work, took a shower, and got ready to go to the mall. We were going to go watch a movie when we got there but we changed our minds. We went to all the good stores; PacSun, Hot Topic (where I finally found a rainbow wrist band, which I bought along with some purple and black bracelets), and Spencers. I found some christmas lights that have black light bulbs. I wanted to get them but they were $20 and I only brought 16 with me. I'll get them when my next paycheck comes in. I was also going to get some black light paint but decided it wasn't worth the $10 for the 6 2oz. bottles.
We went back to my hometown (where I reciently moved from) and headed over to my friend Tommy's house. We played a couple games of pool and then left for band practice at *shudders* the church. I love being the lead guitarist in an actual band but the whole church thing is killing me. So, we did the whole practice/play for the youth thing... bla bla bla. Then we came home. My brother took Carlos back to his house and I'm sitting here with nothing to do but tell a bunch of people I don't know (and who probably don't care) about my day. That's okay though. I don't mind if everyone thinks I'm retarted. I'm going to go watch tv now 'cause I can do that.
BTW: Lesbians are sexy!
|Tuesday, July 29th, 2003|
Welcome to my plastic prism
Full of naked girls and rainbow ribbons
That's all I have for now. I'll finish that later.
Just incase you didn't know, I'm a lesbian. I love girls. They're so pretty. This is sucking pretty bad for a first entry. It'll get better, I promise. Anywho, seeing as I haven't got much to say... I'll return when something interesting happens. You may be waiting a couple days.
Current Mood: iridescent
Current Music: Sarah McLachlan