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Thirteen Senses - Through the Glass |
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Ah yes, such a familiar intrigue of mine...
Ok, so I should be in class, even though I promised Steve that I wouldn't miss anymore classes unless it was direly necessary of me to do so, or I had his permission...
Unfortunately, my sickleness and other exciting happenings have gotten the best of me this morning, and I'm on the path to letting myself down again.
I should be resting, and I will, but I had caffinated tea this morning on the hopes that I would feel better...aaaand it didn't work - just keeping me awake.
Instead, to keep my mind somewhat occupied for the time being, I decided to update my blurty with the usual uninteresting happenings of my life.
Its been awhile again since I've properly updated, and I say that often. I've looked back on previous entries and realized how much I sucked only a few years ago, and decided to continue the cycle so in another two years I can look back and think "My Gawd what was wrong with me?"
But I don't think that yet, so I will keep on going - on with the entry!
I definately feel as of late that I am at the beginning of a transition period, or a fork in the road so to speak. Things have changed in the past two years, (very little the two years prior to that), and in two years from now, well, I don't know what the hell's going to happen.
I'm not whining, a lot of it has to do with my upbringing.
All my life, I've always managed to have a clear road...Greenday's Macy's Day Parade suddenly comes to mind...such is childhood I guess, when you can actually think about these things. But thats the thing, I still feel like a child, or at least 17, none of this 21 nearing 22 business.
Anyways, slightly off topic.
I'm currently in this situation where I want to get into teaching, but I don't know which aspect of teaching I want to go into anymore as I am considering moving out to the UK. In doing so, I have re-thought the idea of me going for 4 years to University.
I've tried to weigh the pros and cons of 3 years versus 4 years,
Pro for 3 years:
~ I can save $10,000 (which can help out with wedding/house etc)
~ If plans are full speed ahead to the UK, I can have a year to spend with my friends and family
~ There is the possibility of me still making use of my British VISA to work in Britain, if not, working here, and therefore making money
~ Examining volunteer hours for the next school year
~ I can more than likely see Steve more often
Con for 3 years:
~ I will always hold this feeling like I cut myself short
~ It may/may not have an impact on how much I am making or where I plan to go later on in life
~ I have to go to summer school to take .5 of a context credit which will likely be economics
~ The degree won't look as impressive on my wall
Ok, so maybe I was grasping at straws with the last one.
The pros do outweigh the cons of course, but as one might be able to note, there is a lot of uncertainty clouding my decision. Plus, the fourth year is more of a personal choice.
But with my view on life, and already my current mental state, I know that going a fourth year will make me feel like I'm wasting my life away and wasting time I'd much rather spend with my loved ones.
I've tried to leave it down to, 'if I manage to get an honours mark, I'm going', but I've even been reconsidering that idea. If I go to the UK I likely won't need an honours, and coming back here if I have that mark I can always go back to Brock later on - I don't mind being older than the majority of the students there.
Also, I can always go a fourth year once I'm all settled and established and stuff...right...right?
Getting a Masters is something I want to do eventually in life, but not if it is going to cut into all other aspects of my world.
I don't know, I don't think anyone can be completely ready for everything.
On top of that with this whole transitional thing, its got me so confused and irratic. I keep telling myself...well I know that things change. The place, my home will always look the same, but I can never go back to my childhood days. Its true when they say when you leave home, you can never come back, and no other home will look quite the same in my eyes.
Plus with the developments of the valley, I just think that how everything was, the way that I looked at the world with such hope, light and wonder, is best kept in my memory. I can't stay in Hamilton anymore for fear of losing those cherished memories of the past, and that is how I can keep the place alive...
...and moving forward things change, and I have the oppurtunity to experience so many things in my lifetime and for that, I am lucky.
Anyways,
Alongside a different note, it was snowing yesterday and is cold today. Two degrees, but really cold for me. I'm thinking of going shopping next week, not only to get a new coat...if I can find one...but also to start doing Christmas shopping. I was in Limeridge last weekend getting my brother a birthday present and it was already the start of hair pulling, eye gauging season, and I absolutely hate shopping at Christmas time.
Although, this year exams are expected to run no later than the 16th, which I'm excited, more time off!
With regards to the weather my landlord, whom I don't have a contract with, was upset when I turned the furnace on a few weeks ago because it was 19 in the house and claimed that 'technically we don't have to turn it on until the 15th'...technically we don't have a contract with her, but I thought it best not to argue the point. So I'm leaving the decision now up to her daughter and niece who've been getting away with quite a bit recently. I decided fine, no furnace, but I can use my heater in my room =) I have poor circulation, I'm not going to get in any worse of a state than I already am!
And poor Allison getting the wrap for not taking recycling out...usually we both do it or take turns...thats just it, the other two don't. I honestly thought that it worked as Hamilton does, whenever there's a holiday they push the garbage day down...isn't that right? Anyways, it wasn't done, and frankly, Nancy, my landlord, is starting to get on my nerves a little.
Moving along...
I've also been trying to look into wedding things, but at the same time, I don't think I'm looking into it enough. I'm going to need my mom's help here as I'm out at school. You see, high point of wedding season is end of June/beginning of July. I plan on getting married July 5th, 2008 (plans were for June 7th, but some of Steve's family can't make it out then). So once 2007 comes rolling around, a lot of bride-to-be's will be like, damn, we gotta get crackin!
I know this, I've been in the business for 6 miserable years.
I was hoping to see a hall last Sunday, but my mom was called into work...it looks like because of my own school work and the crap weather outside this weekend that I won't see it until Tuesday or Wednesday, and I'm also hoping to do some shopping then as well...*sigh*. I won't get into the details of the place unless I'm actually set on it.
Let me put it this way, I would love to have an inexpensive wedding at Niagara-on-the-lake, but to do so I need to start early and beat other brides to it.
Its going to be my day dammit, and likely to be the only day where people will see me being rather demanding.
Damn, I'm going through tissues like a horse...
Cause you know...horses do that...
Anyways, I'm going to go and lay down for a bit. Am going to spend the day reading which isn't too bad...its the amount of reading that needs to be done which sucks.
Brock People
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annoyed
sick
anxious
hopeful
tired
okay
contemplative
indescribable