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Monday, April 28th, 2008
12:10 am - i'm redoing a 'survey' from 2004.
-- Name: Siobhan
-- Birth date: 8-16-85
-- Nickname: Sio
-- Current Location: mke
-- Eye Color: grey blue
-- Hair Color: some gross like light brown.
-- Height: 5'6 and 3/4''
-- Righty or Lefty: depends. i can write with both, but i prefer right. i play all non-racket sports left. whaatever.
-- Zodiac Sign: Leo

-- The shoes you wore today: my shiny green ones.
-- Your weakness: kittiesss
-- Your fears: disappointing others.
-- Your perfect pizza: thin crust with artichoke chicken pineapple ham mushrooms or just like, a pizza w extra pepperoni.
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: getting out of college alive.

-- Your most overused phrase on AIM: lolol
-- Your thoughts when you first wake up: fuck.
-- Your best physical feature: mah teefs. or legs?
-- Your bedtime: 4 am
-- Most missed memory: brian knutson

-- Pepsi or Coke: coke
-- McDonald's or Burger King: burger king
-- Adidas or Nike: Adidas
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: not into tea. maybe snapple.
-- Chocolate or vanilla: plain chocolate
-- Cappuccino or coffee: gross man. bean water is for OLD PEOPLE.

-- Cuss: shitty ass fuckin shit. web design got me swearing like. every other word. this semester. goddamn.
-- Sing: when i'm drunk
-- Take a shower everyday: nope!
-- Have a crush(es): yep. always w people i can be with.
-- Do you think you've been in love: five people in my life. none of them ever knew. i kissed one on the lips briefly. just like a peck. then he moved to another state. i also just fell for someone kind of recently. sucks, man.
-- Want to go to college: in college
-- Like(d) high school: i dont remember really. it was ok i think.
-- Want to get married: no
-- Believe in yourself: the only part of my religion so far.
-- Get motion sickness: definitely
-- Think you're attractive: i'm getting there i hope. i look better in pictures. i love the me in teh pictures. i wish pictures me and real me could get together and make super awesome me.
-- Think you're a health freak: HA! i eat ramen noodles and shitty ass food from teh gasthaus.
-- Get along with your parents: now that i dont live with them, yes.
-- Play an instrument: tenor sax, bass, bassoon (to a degree). i learned clarinet in a month a few years back. i could play it better than the lazy ass clarinetists in our symphonic band.
In the past month...
-- Had Sex: lolol i was a virgin the first time i did this survey. uh yeah, i did it briefly but it was in the dorms and someone was half sleeping on the floor. so it didnt really count.
-- Made Out: most definitely.
-- Gone on a date: probably. no wait, not yet this month.
-- Gone to the mall?: had to. fucking macbook's motherboard was shit. they gave me a new one.
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: gross, dude. plus, i cant afford that. i need beer.
-- Eaten sushi: nah
-- Been on stage: no
-- Been dumped: kind of.
-- Gone skating: no
-- Made homemade cookies: No
-- Gone skinny dipping: no
-- Dyed your hair: yes
-- Stolen anything: hearts, lolol.

-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: the 'change your clothes and book it before your ass gets canned' game? i swear by it, you know. (haha, oh shit. that's still true.)
-- If so, was it mixed company?: no
-- Been caught "doing something": yes :X like i said, don was only half asleep.
-- Been called a tease: no
-- Gotten beaten up: only the emotional way. otherwise no.
-- Shoplifted: i can only steal one thing. secret clinical strength. it works great, but fuck me if i'm going to pay nine dollars for deodorant.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: i'm a chameleon. but i dont change for people. i'm like...madonna. we have the same birthday,youknow.

-- Age you hope to be married: shit man. i dont wanna be called a wife. besides, a high percentage of women on my mother's side of the family (which i resemble uncannily) stay forever single and bitter. i know my fate. i've already started my cat collection.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: Felix Mordecai! Sebastian. Trenton Tobias.
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: in vegas--hellraiser themed--except for that whole i'm not going to be married....oh! but ideally, i'd get a sad, middle-aged divorcee drunk in a vegas hotel bar and have him marry me. then on our 'honeymoon' i'll jump out the window to my death, framing (and hopefully prosecuting) him for my "murder", where he shall spend the rest of his days in jail for no other reason then one night of desperation and some ill-chosen wine. oh, did i mention my suspiciously high life insurance? the best motive if i ever knew one. (Daaaang, that is still something I'd like to try.)

-- How do you want to die: i'm giong to die in a limb severing car crash. i know the future.
-- Where you want to go to college: uw-milwaukee
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: a telekenetic sprite
-- What country would you most like to visit: Gotenberg, Sweden. I wanna bang all the adorably accented swedes i can! those european boys in their zipped up track jackets killlllll me.

-- Best eye color? brown i've discovered
-- Best hair color? black
-- Short or long hair: not too short but not past the ears i guess
-- Height: i like the same height or a teensy bit taller
-- Best weight: oh man. tall skinny guys are pretty hot. but they know it. oh well.
-- Best articles of clothing: socks socks socks!!!!!
-- Best first date location: landmark, obviously.
-- Best first kiss location: um. on a couch while watching a movie like dirty work and drinking like. box wine.

-- Number of people I could trust with my life: john.
-- Number of CDs that I own: oh gosh. i lost all my cds ages ago.
-- Number of piercings: nine.
-- Number of tattoos: squares on my ankle, prison tat style.
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: hmm...ticket notices, band notices, death notices...whatever
-- Number of cars you own: BERRRRRRETTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAA!

current mood: crushed
current music: Chapterhouse - April

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12:00 am - fuck yeah ritalin
I dont puke up no foods no more. First night, i took way more pills than i should of. it was great. but i didnt sleep for two and a half days and i didnt eat for three. but i'm ok now. i'm not going to do that again. Motherfucking crushes, d00d. i got a date tuesday and a date friday but i dont like either of the guys. I'm just going out with them because they like me. Maybe I'll like them. Booze makes me like lots of people. If I cant find someone attractive when Im drunk, it's just not going to happen, you know? My kitty always likes it when i'm on my laptop because i lie down ish but prop the computer up with my knees and so i make a tent under my legs with the blanket and then she sleeps there. that was lame to say.

oh oh! tomorrow i'm going to hang out with this d00d who ive been e friends with for a long time. sure, i met him through someone i never want to speak of again, but this guy seems to act like a 13 year old which is good because i do, too. maybe we'll make poop jokes and do the "that's what she said" game.

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Sunday, April 6th, 2008
12:03 am - thingskeepchanging
i had a good night tonight. went to the echo base collective for a bbq. but when i realized it was on the roof of the building and i had two walk up the ladder i was scared. one of the reasons was my insane fear of heights. but i had another, equally scary feeling. by being so afraid of heights, i wouldnt be able to go to the bathroom afterwards. i had three hamburgers and a hot dog! how dare me. i had been working so hard and then i have a night like that. alcohol i dont count in my calorie counting fervor because i'm young etc etc. but food. oh terrible. my fear was that my heights hinderance would not allow me to go down the stairs to go to the bathroom so i could throw up the hamburgers after.

you know and it's weird. this whole thing started so easy. if i ate so much food by accident that i got a tummy ache, i'd throw up a bit of it to feel better. then i started throwing up most of it. then i started throwing up after regular meals. then i'd start eating with the intention to throw up right after. and now, if i cant get to a bathroom after eating a meal i feel trapped and its all i think about. i see now how the feeling of control over one's intake suddenly controls the person as it becomes a bit of an obsession. it's funny. the whole time i've known whats been going on but i'm an intelligent person. i didn't think this would be a problem. and it's not yet. i'm writing this so perhaps i can reason with myself. it's not so easy now to just stop. even after a regular sized meal, i feel very nauseous and the only way to feel "okay" again is to throw some of it up. i dont go all ape shit until i get all stomach acid, but i try to get the solid food out. LOL and it's also impeded on my um. intimate life. as i have made my gag reflex more sensitive, it's harder for me to do one of my faaavorite 'intimate' things. i think you know what i'm talking about, strange blog reader. it's very embarassing. i had been drinking a bit heavily one night and ran into a huge crush i had from high school. i went back to his place and one thing led to another etc etc and i was in the middle of 'you know what' when i had to stop. i asked where the bathroom was as politely as possible. then i had a huuuge spew session. i came back and passed out immediately. the next morning i asked politely if he remembers if i had thrown up. he was like uh, yeah. pretty hardcore. i retorted 'how do you know?! you werent in the bathroom with me!" but he laughs and says he could hear it. that was terrible. ive had a lot of stress from school. i hope to stop once finals are over.

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Sunday, February 10th, 2008
1:25 am - the survey.
1. Nice to meet you I am:

2.Who was the last person who held your hand?

3. Have you ever kissed someone with braces?

4. Who is the fourth received call on your recent calls list?

5. if you could change your eye color what would it be?
dark brown

6. what is the wallpaper on your phone?

7. how many pillows are on your bed?

8. who was the last text message you sent to?

9. is there someone that has a crush on you?

10. what was the best thing that happened to you this year?

11. have you ever had a surprise birthday party?
kind of. mary started planning my 21st way before i had realized it

13. when's the last time you cried?
dunno. :D

15. do you have a crush on somebody?

16. who was the last person that made you laugh?

18. who was the last person to text you ?

19. what's the longest you've ever talked on the phone?
almost two hours i think! to brad henley. my phone got really warm. or maybe when i used to talk to patrick in michigan or timmy in brandon, manitoba.

20. what lotion do you use?
gold bond

21. have you seen your best friend cry?
i have seen one of the three cry.

22. where did you last eat?
i am eating yogurt right now this second! right here!

23. do you dance in the car?

26. what is the one thing that you cannot stand?
girls when they say 'hun' to other girls. and the way the media is pretending that Ron Paul doesnt exist. mccain is a nut job! wtf! the media has picked mccain over ron paul for us?

27. does your mom vacuum early in the morning, when you're sleeping?
haha she used to when i lived at home. and id get up and complain and shed tell me to clean my room or do my laundry or what do i want for breakfast and i'm like OHH MY GODD its 8 am i went to sleep at 5! and it doesnt stop. <3 my mommy though.

30. how did you get your last bruise?
not sure. i dont know where i get most of them.

31. would you rather sleep at a friend's or have them over?
i love being the hostess but my apt is pretty small for too much entertaining at the moment. well it's not like it's not going to get any bigger, but you know what i mean.

32. who is in your house right now?
well let's see. in my apartment there is dmitri, emma, violet and me.

35. what do you smell like right now?
i dont know. however i normally smell.

36. do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong?
no. if i agree that, in fact, i was incorrect, i'm totally cool with saying so. but if people say i'm wrong but i am very sure of my stance, i dont change it. i'm confident with large/big picture decisions. not so much on like, what a good movie would be to rent.

39. Do you get annoyed easily?
not usually. but riding the bus every day has been shortening my tolerance for loud cell phone talkers, 20 something male sorts (talking about their drunken escapades), crazy people and the giggly girls with unnaturally high vocal tones. it's pretty great having a nintendo ds though.

40. what color is your laundry basket?
dunno. there's a lot here. there's like a peach colored one.

41. does your mom make you wear a winter coat?
ahah well she tries. i have [mary's] wool coat thats missing two buttons and a jacket from 6th grade. it fits. but neither are winter coats. so when it's cold out, it's really fucking cold for me. still, im used to it and i'm not bothered by shivering enough to purchase a new coat.

42. do you like sea food?
yesss. but fishy fishes i'm not totally into and scallops are hit and miss. but i love oysters and clams and shrimpssss and kalamari.

43. do you own any Hollister clothes?
naah. unless i took something from my sister that is.

44. do you think those stores are too expensive?
oh most definitely. that's why i shop at good will and my sister's closet. heehee.

45. where do you shop at most?
metro market, walgreens.

48. can you go on myspace from school or work?
school. i work at a factory, mann.

49. who was the last person you kissed?

50.whats your favorite season?

52. whats your favorite color?

53. do you get along with your parents?
yes. actually both of them now. prosac is pretty awesome.

54. What are you listening to?
right now? asobi seksu

55. what are your favorite colors?
see question 52.

57. have you ever thought that your life was so bad you wanted to give up?
yes. age 12-14. age 18. perhaps 15, too.

58. do you have any tattoos?
i have one. i like it.

59. What are you doing right now
getting ready to retire to the bedroom. which is my fold out couch that is seven inches away.

oh, i see! this is a separate question and answer session. -sio

1. Do you think you can last in a relationship for six months without cheating?
ive never even had an inkling that would lead me to cheating. i've got some hardcore, monogamous brain cells.

2. When was the last time you saw the fifth person on your top?
last night.

3. How much older than you is the last person you kissed?
-567 days.

4. What is one thing you hear a lot?
the ceiling fan as it rotates. the leaky shower that drives me up a wall. the pc fans doing their darndest not to explode. annd. 'you have a nice smile'

6. Are you married?
last time i checked, i wasn't.

7. Have you ever regretted letting someone go?
of course. however, i imagined this as my hand over a ledge, shakily gripping someone's arm who is moments away from a cliff-induced splattering. otherwise, no.

8. Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
oh i'm certain.*cough* AL *cough*

9. Do you miss someone?
can i say errk again?

10. Next time you will kiss someone?
not counting the cats or ferret? like sunday maybe. i dunno.

11. Are looks important?
yes, but i can say that because i'm young. when i become a veruca salt blueberry at 30 and break my slender ankles annually thanks to my off-the-chart BMI, i'll decide then that it's the personality that counts.

12. What are you wearing?

13. Are you in love?
with cats and stuff.

14. Do you like getting things from others?
i ponder who would say no to this question.

15. What is your current mood?
i'm a little drowsy. poster child for the slugabeds!

17. Were you smiling when you woke up this morning?
well, my goodness. of course i was. and laughing too.

18. Which is more romantic: sunrise or sunset?
sunset. unless you're just going to sleep at sunrise. that's occasionally a nice thing.

19. Quick, say a verse from any movie?
The fog is getting thicker!


20. Would you die for someone?
i dont suppose posthumously that i could feel grateful for not having died in vain. i wonder how fucked my life would be if i got to that point where i had to decide whether or not to sacrifice myself for someone else. that's shit that happens in zombie/sci fi movies. although, i see this is much more a reality for civilians and soldiers in warzones who are dealing non stop with the horror of seeing others die in gruesome ways and the trepidation that you could be next. of course i have never witnessed or felt this, but in that situation, i would certainly put myself in harm's way in an attempt to save someone else. although once you're dead, you dont really know if you saved their life or if they went down with you. but no one could later accuse you of not trying!

21. Last song you heard?
the field mice- the last letters

22. How many letters are in your last name?
seven. just like my first name.

25. How was your day?
magnificent! except for my incredibly sore back. princess and the pea syndrome sucks! (my term of course. it's where i can feel every little thing under my mattress and it throws me off. i remember once i had a sharpie between my mattress and box spring, and i couldnt sleep well all week until i realized it was there.)

26. Do you live near any of your friends?
of course. in the cittaaay yeah yeah yeah.

27. Are you scared of spiders?

28. Do you have a piercing?
no. i mean yes.

29. Where if any?
upstairs downstairs and in the kitchen.

30. What color is your hair?
brunette. i wish it was more auburn though. no one says auburn anymore.

31. Do you believe in love?
i do. but i dont believe that love is, by default, a permanent emotion. if it was, we'd all go crazy and want to die for the rest of our lives after our first hardcore crushes told us it wasnt mutual. so by means of species survival, we can fall out of love almost as easily (and move on to the next potential luuuver) that's if we're not counting the fear and reluctance to leave the comfort that goes along with long term relationships, i mean. but it's lovely when two people can change together as they age and end up still having a lot in common so there's stuff to talk about, even though theyve seen each other every day for thirty five years kind of thing.

32. Are you pregnant?
no, thank goodness. but there's an abortion clinic in walking distance, if you know, i was into that. heh.

34. Do you curse a lot?
i do. i used to be so afraid to, but the medication i take brings out what i really want to say. which is fuck and shit and fucking and shit ton.

6. Do you wish you were with someone right now?
it would be cool but they'd have to watch me fall asleep. unless it was errk cause i'd have the motivation to make popcorn.

37. Who were the last three people that sent you a text message?
mary errk nick greene

41. Would you ever take it up the ass?
haha, i was just blindsided by a 'survey'! i dont know, man. i have contemplated this question many a time in my adult life.

42. Do you wish someone would call you?
did you mean in particular? (see, that's an apostrophe because i addressed an inanimate object as if it could react! omg 10th grade english.) sure, i mean, but not anyone specific.

43. What is bugging you right now?
my feet feel dry.

47. Do you have a wild side?
oh, you are some silly geese, 15 year old bff girls that made this survey. lolol.

48. Kissed someone in the last twenty-four hours?
i have.

49. Have you lost friends in the past years?
not from this mortal coil. but indeed i have lost a great number in closeness.

50. What were you doing at midnight last night?
listening to the katamari theme song over and over really loudly. >;D

51. Last person you ate dinner with?

52. Last thing you watched on TV?

53. What is the last text message you sent say?
weee! -sio

54. What is the last text message in your inbox say?
aww we r so awesunnn

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Thursday, December 13th, 2007
10:40 pm - i'm sick
i went through a roll of toilet paper today. i've never had a nose as runny as the one i have had today. yesterday i saw a cockroach. did i mention that? probably not. it was the first time i have ever seen one. it was small, but it moved reallly fast. anyway. found out the final cut pro file was destroyed or whatever. all my exported movie files are gone too. i'm about ten hours behind now on the project that was all but finished, but it's not all lost. i still have my capture scratch, which is a saving grace. but shit's fucked. i'm so tired and stuffy and feverish. i just wont deal with it tonight. tomorrow i have a date to the film festival. i have no idea how it will go. i suppose having a cold is a good thing in that sense because it means that there wont be room for a one night stand. hahahahahah. no really my nose is a broken sink and i'm sneezing like i'm allergic to school.

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Tuesday, December 11th, 2007
6:02 pm - snow day
so today was a snow day. I had two classes cancelled, but they will both make up for it on the "study day" which is thursday. i dont mind in the least! i took an extensive nap that had another people-are-trying-to-kill me dream. this time, it was a group of pro-choicers (including myself), helping a pregnant lady with her to-be kid (i mean help her have the kid, not not-have it) but these singing pro-lifers wanted all of us dead. these dreams dont scare me anymore because i've had them so frequently over the past few years. They're just a bit unusual to recall later.

I'm eating a milky way bar that is entirely delicious, but I'll be sad when it's gone. I'm BT ing new dreamweaver because my version doesnt have ap divs that you can move easily in the design screen and additionally, the design screen is very very different looking from the browser view because this dreamweaver is so outdated. but i'm feeling good.

I signed up for my classes yesterday. i can't take experimental film which is a prereq, but perhaps i'll be able to bypass it a video workshop i took this semester. i also didnt get the stop animation class in, because i absolutely have to take web design II next semester. and i'm going to be in theater with two other DIVAS majors, alex and dave, who are incredibly negative and sarcastic. i can't wait! no really, it's going to be a riot.

i dont really feel like working on my dynamic typography animation today, so after dreamweaver finishes, i'll be working on my website. ok, i'm going to finish this milky way bar and wait for the torrent to finish. i'm supposed to go on a date saturday but andrea just text messaged me about a party she plans to hold either friday or saturday. i hope she lets me know soon. i love living here. i love milwaukee. i love my cats. i love school. ok. byeee!

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Monday, December 10th, 2007
1:40 am - hey i'm bored
It's 1 40 am. Right now I'm working on my typography animation. I'm feeling pretty good about it, but I want to walk away from it right now. You know, like check my email or something like that. But i've already checked several times this evening, and at two am, the emails aren't exactly pouring in. I am falling in love with milwaukee. and college. and the idea that i might end up making something positive from my life. violet is doing well, she's lounging on her cat fun thing. dmitri gave me a friendly "thinking of you" walk by on her way to get some more food. She doesn't always go out of her way to do that and she made me smile. I feel like I'm growing up. It's strange. After a lifetime of thinking I was an obnoxious, unlikeable person, I'm beginning to change my opinion of myself. Sure, I still get giddy and overbearingly talkative when i'm around new people or someone I haven't seen in a while. But then I calm down and people are able to see actual me much sooner! Very exciting. I wonder what i'm supposed to be. Sometimes I wish i could see the future, but that would ruin the surprise. Besides, if i knew what the future was, i'd try to change events out of curiosity but then that would become the future and it'd turn into a lifetime of making different things happen. Manipulating my pseudo-fate would get so tedious! Bye bye, journal. I think I shall write to you more often.

current mood: bouncy

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Tuesday, September 7th, 2004
10:43 pm - hm
So, I know i haven't written for a long time, but i use the myspace blog because it's more convenient (me being a myspace addict and all). John just told me something that's really starting to sink in. He might have gotten a girl pregnant. She's two months in and I guess they had a thing right around that time but what he didn't know is that she had a boyfriend at the time, could be or it could not be...But he's told me it's the worst fucking day of his life. To think that if she has this kid and it does end up being his, that's his son until the day he dies. I mean, he's not the kind of guy to ignore something like that. you know, family? and i'm sure his relatives would be furious. maybe they'd want him to marry her? i don't know. but him telling me this....i dont know, i just want to be with him so badly. just like, be a thing, you know? together. he's out of my league. maybe i just want to be that friend he can rely on? what? i dont even know. i say this is love--not romantic love--but it could be. you know? I don't know. i can't even comprehend what kind of anguish he's putting himself through (having heard from this girl about the pregnancy.) she's from waukesha, too. yes, i love that boy but to him, we're merely aquaintances. oh well. i hope, for the both of them, that it's not his.

current music: the associates- tell me it's easter on sunday

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Wednesday, May 19th, 2004
4:20 am - bonk bonk!
hahah! hi julia. ah well, get some pictures up on myspace, yo! i'm obsessed with it. :P i heard tony bertolas starts working at starbucks next; )

current mood: giddy
current music: john goelzer!!! (the medium, not the artist per se)

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Sunday, May 9th, 2004
9:50 pm
I can't remember the last time I felt this unhappy. I'm drained; apathetic; lonely lonely lonely. I cant' get myself to do anything; I feel unproductive. I'm so....I can't stop my expression from scowling. I can't....I can't accomplish anything. I don't want to be alone right now. I need someone to just be there and let me curl up by their side and fall asleep to their conversation with a third party. that would make me smile. or at least stop frowning. Please, don't let this go on much longer.

current mood: depressed
current music: The Cure- Fascination Street

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Thursday, May 6th, 2004
11:19 am
great day, i must say. in addition to that whole hitting the emergency line because i was an idiot yesterday (techincally two days ago) at kraft, i messed up 288 taps at balax (technically today). what happened was there were two orders that were similar and the lady who set it up for me mentioned to box up both, as she must have thought they were the same (as i did). i found out about half way through, which is somewhat a grace (i suppose.) so yeah, i had to stay over an hour late just to remove the marks on those that were lased.
well, i get home and the cats are being all cute. sophie jumps up on my bed and i tackle her with petting. and then she pees. it got on my blankies and my comforter. i'm washing those now. there aren't any extra blankets or anything around. it was my fault, too, because i hadn't changed their litter and i wrongly assumed that someone else had. ah, assumptions, always getting me. sophie felt bad because she was avoiding me and so i had to pet her and show that although it wasn't a good thing, it wasn't her fault. i have a sore in the back of my mouth on my gums and i'm not sure why. well, i hope it isn't gingivitis--i brush my teeth all the time and i've never had a cavity, but my family just has sensitive gums or something. so i'm going to have to go out and get listerine. and have my oil changed. and tires checked (i'd do it but i'm lazy). i'm feeling so...i dont know. the incident tonight with the taps gave me the same feeling i had when i got into my car accident. part shame, part failure, part...something else. i dont know. feel like shit. i wont get much sleep. goodnight.

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Tuesday, May 4th, 2004
3:30 pm
Well, now. Although my night was super shitty, today I only had to work half my shift (actually 2 hours and an hour break- it was insane). This was because the company was having a meeting to discuss their kraft employee stuff that we temps are not a part of. anyways, the one person i find attractive at that whole plant happens to work second shift, yet he was there today. i kind of got to know him. he was most definitely flirting with me; i'm no idiot. i don't really know how old he is because he said 40 but i'm sure he's in his mid 20s. of course i'm super gulliable and he was making comments that i kept falling for. and that stupid tap you on the shoulder and then they're on the other side sort of deal. oh! and as i was talking to him, i reached to pick up a bad pizza crust and hit both of the emergency stop lines. good job, sio. e-stops stop eeeeeverything. so i felt pretty bad. ok, anyways. i can see a new crush developing. he likes bauhaus/peter murphy, the cure, smiths/moz, all that stuff. it doesn't seem to be what he listens to most but i care not. of course, today was also one of the days where i looked like a total scrub--bad hair, no makeup, worst clothes in my wardrobe. whatever. he says he's from alaska but i'm not positive because he has a pretty strong accent, yet i can't place it--so maybe he was telling the truth then. oh well. he lives in waukesha. that'll be convienent. winkwink. oh, and i'm still very much attracted to the other boy with the name i shall not speak. winkwinkx2.

current mood: chipper
current music: STP - Creep

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12:20 am
neverming about the job thing. balax isn't offering full time. i dont move in with andrea and john until july. they want to move into riverwest. i'm weary. i think i've finally discovered the skin ailment i've had since i was 12 or so. there isn't a known cure, rather, there are mildly successful treatments and surgeries. none are totally reliable. this is disheartening. my cats are pouncing on each other. it's so cute. i love them. the only feeling i've been able to conjure since i've taken my medication. i just smoke my cloves (i'm sorry, kreteks) and lie here and can't sleep. i'm makng a pizza because i'm starving but i know i'll probably be seeing it twice, thanks to the side effects. ciao.

current mood: zombie
current music: Nine Inch Nails - I'm Looking Forward to Joining You, Finally

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Sunday, May 2nd, 2004
6:24 pm
i think im going to quit tombstone and start working at balax full time. who knows.

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11:35 am
it's been a less than jovial weekend. friday, i went out and bought clothes for the band concert and such and such; got cat soup; went home and hoped to see . he didn't respond when i spoke to him online and so i messaged that i'd talk later (after my shower.) when i came back to check on him, he had signed offline (but he never ever signs offline). so here i was, super pissed because i had neglected to make back up plans and everyone was out having the time of their lives. when i finally called him, he was with his friend cari or christine or some other name like that. i was more than a little crushed.
really, though, it bothered me because i was just about to open up to him and now i couldn't because he likes other people (actually i got this cleared up with him and i somewhat understand the scenario because i've been there too). Anyways, i went to work saturday and had a logn time to think and eventually conclude what i was to do. just forget about him. i dont need it. but i couldn't because. because that's how i am. no willpower.
after the band concert, i went to dennys with my mom because i was starving and that made me feel better. i had to wait a few minutes, too, because i couldn't be there before 11. actually, i was there 10 minutes early and i hated waiting. i didn't consider that he wouldn't be at his apartment. so i waited and waited and decided that after my cigarette i was gonna leave. i'm just about to put it out when he shows up. it wasn't his fault, though. i was 10 minutes early.
we watched baader which wasn't bad but i was up for a more emotional movie. just not a sad one. seriously, i was at my breaking point and probably would have cried at anything earlier that day. i finall got to hug him and i know he doesn't know how much that means for me but that's about as affectionate as i get. i'll hug everyone at a social setting just to be polite but they don't mean anything. does the value of a hug weigh less than such predictable responses as kissing and such? i scoff at it. anyways, i left feeling rather happy because of the hug, but i really dont think he cared. or noticed. he probably has forgotten i was even there already. well fine. fuck you.

current mood: predatory

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Thursday, April 29th, 2004
1:02 pm
w00t! the girl i ignorantly assumed to be his new interest is actually an ex he just mentioned as having more heart than he assumed her to. all platonic, folks! i'm back in the running. ;)
I just got an ionic breeze via ebay. ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
i bought cat soup yesterday
oh! i booked it to class and sped like mad and such and such. turns out it's thursday, though. i have class friday. damn the third shift mentality.

current mood: giddy
current music: still esthero

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10:21 am
I thought I'd be feeling better from last night's little discovery over john's new interest. uh, i'm not. of course, i still haven't spoken to him for a while. but that's because he doesnt' write back. which could be due to the timing of my messages (3 30 am- 4 am) but whatever. i'm third shift, what can you do?i wish i could say that the more unavailable he is, the more i want him but i really did want him too much before. he's different from other people i know and that intrigues me. of course i dont know a terrible amount of people. i wonder how chuck is doing? i guess if waukesha boy doesn't want me to visit, i could call up chuck and get drunk with him. ok it's off to school for me. ciao.

current mood: groggy
current music: Esthero- Heaven Sent

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3:22 am
Have you ever had a situation where you started hanging out with someone cool and you finally admit to yourself that you like them and just as you're about to start opening up, you realize they've begun to like someone too? as in not you? every boy i have ever been insatiably attracted to has done this to me. And now I have one more name for the list. Of course I've also been known to assume and overreact etc etc etc but I really was just shy about the whole thing. I don't meet new people often and I didnt' want to scare him away with the f-word (flirting, of course.) Is it my mentioning of the still unfucked status? Could someone really be that cold? well timmy is talking to me and of course he's the reciprocal of this dilemna, i like him until i get to know him and then realize my interest is only platonic. it's unfortunate but i'll still visit. it'll be fun.
Ahh, hypocrisy, how often we deal.

current mood: disappointed
current music: Roni Size - Brown Paper Bag

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Tuesday, April 27th, 2004
4:58 pm - I've been unfaithful, Blurty
I apologize dearest inanimate blog. i've been using the myspace one only because it was just right there, you know? I gave in to temptation, so deliver me from....weasel? My attraction is shifting from boy 1 to boy 2. I'm afraid to name them in case either has seen this journal. Which I'm sure they haven't, but YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO SURE! oh dear, last year: trivial incident; miscommunication; unnecessary sour notes, etc. ok so here are my archived posts from that journal. :::::::

Monday, April 26, 2004

bored, pantless, and i've decided to whore myself to the survey.

Usually I ignore all of these but what the heck? i'm up for it. i got this from fluffy critter's bulletin.

-- Name: Siobhan
-- Birth date: 8-16-85
-- Nickname: Sio
-- Current Location: Land of the deer
-- Eye Color: grey blue
-- Hair Color: currently black
-- Height: 5'6.5''
-- Righty or Lefty: depends. i can write with both, but i prefer right. i play all non-racket sports left. whaatever.
-- Zodiac Sign: Leo

-- The shoes you wore today: blue converse but almost made the mistake of wearing my sister's fermenting clogs.
-- Your weakness: coca cola
-- Your fears: *ahem* Walking up/down stairs holding a tray full of glasses, tripping, seeing the glass break on the ground below me and landing on it, thus impaling glass into my stomach and slowly bleeding to death. and i feel like i'm going to die every time i'm in a car if i dont take my medication.
-- Your perfect pizza: pep. mushrooms and maybe chicken
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: adult film star and/or nun.
-- Your most overused phrase on AIM: haha
-- Your thoughts when you first wake up: if i don't leave now, i'm gonna lose my job...
-- Your best physical feature: calves of steel, baby
-- Your bedtime: 4 am
-- Most missed memory: twilight summers from my childhood
-- Pepsi or Coke: Are you serious?!
-- McDonald's or Burger King: um....I usually only go to cousins' subs
-- Adidas or Nike: Adidas
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: not sure
-- Chocolate or vanilla: plain chocolate
-- Cappuccino or coffee: pfft, mustard.

-- Cuss: shove it up your pussy you cuntface [is a phrase i will no longer vocalize]
-- Sing: perpetually in the car
-- Take a shower everyday: nope!
-- Have a crush(es): i suppose so
-- Do you think you've been in love: temporarially, but with the ideal, not the real person(s)
-- Want to go to college: in college
-- Like(d) high school: junior year was ok; didn't much enjoy the rest.
-- Want to get married: no
-- Believe in yourself: the only part of my religion so far.
-- Get motion sickness: definitely
-- Think you're attractive: i'd say not particularly, but elderly coworks disagree
-- Think you're a health freak: HA! My diet consists of soda, sugar, cheese and mustard
-- Get along with your parents: my mother is alright when she's not anxious, my dad is ok as long as he takes his prosac
-- Play an instrument: tenor sax, bass, bassoon (to a degree). I have to learn piano but i'm the biggest clutz.

In the past month...
-- Had Sex: techincally i never have i think
-- Made Out: making out is soooo boring
-- Gone on a date: i suppose
-- Gone to the mall?: no
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No
-- Eaten sushi: No
-- Been on stage: yes
-- Been dumped: no
-- Gone skating: no
-- Made homemade cookies: No
-- Gone skinny dipping: i don't even wear sleeveless shirts
-- Dyed your hair: but really, i'm bald.
-- Stolen anything: no

-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: the 'change your clothes and book it before your ass gets canned' game? i swear by it, you know.
-- If so, was it mixed company?: no
-- Been caught "doing something": no
-- Been called a tease: no
-- Gotten beaten up: by my cats? possibly.
-- Shoplifted: once, to see if i could do it.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: I'm a walking doormat. anything to be liked, good sir.

-- Age you hope to be married: i dont want to be married because it'll be too hard to dissapear when i go crazy.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: Felix Mordecai! Carmen Sophia....Trenton...Trenton...Judas Trenton? We could call him Judy for short...
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: in vegas--hellraiser themed--except for that whole i'm not going to be married....oh! but ideally, i'd get a sad, middle-aged divorcee drunk in a vegas hotel bar and have him marry me. then on our 'honeymoon' i'll jump out the window to my death, framing (and hopefully prosecuting) him for my "murder", where he shall spend the rest of his days in jail for no other reason then one night of desperation and some ill-chosen wine. oh, did i mention my suspiciously high life insurance? the best motive if i ever knew one.

-- How do you want to die: skydiving, under the influence of morphine (assuming Plan A doesn't work out)
-- Where you want to go to college: uw-milwaukee
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: a telekenetic sprite
-- What country would you most like to visit: revisit scotland and canada, visit czech republic, dubai, tasmania and maybe japan....Italy! Argentina! Wyoming! oh, the choices are as romantic as they are unobtainable. (especially the last one--those black footed ferrets shall remain in my dreams until the end of my days). Ok, i need to calm down.

-- Best eye color? brown i've discovered
-- Best hair color? black
-- Short or long hair: not too short but not past the ears i guess
-- Height: i like the same height or a teensy bit taller
-- Best weight: gangly! Let your hipbones give me bruises (dreya knows what it's all about)
-- Best articles of clothing: socks socks socks!!!!!
-- Best first date location: the GW steakhouse
-- Best first kiss location: I try not to think about it.

-- Number of people I could trust with my life: 2 plus Cleo.
-- Number of CDs that I own: less than 100...harvey the harddrive is my musical archive
-- Number of piercings: i've had two, currently none (it's against FDA regulations i hear)
-- Number of tattoos: none at the moment
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: hmm...ticket notices, band notices, death notices...whatever
-- Number of cars you own: i technically can't own it until i'm 19. berrettafest, here i come!

7:30 PM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

gamma ray!

the gamma of my monitor is all screwy; it keeps reseting itself to this stupid default every restart. pop ups are still haunting me. oh! thanks to jason, i'm now semi addicted to the java game insaniquarium. it's great, you feed fishies and fight off the occasional alien. and the fish poo out money and diamonds! wow. if only they really could. i'm starving but i don't have an appetite. i think my libido has dipped into the negative numbers, thanks to zoloft. it's better this way because now i don't infatuate. hurrah!

i miss the hugs, though. i want a hug.

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Thursday, April 22, 2004

i love cousins subs

does anyone listen to music i post? i wouldn't suppose so, but it entertains me. i got timmy on this biotch, so let's befriend and mock him.

4:20 AM - 2 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Monday, April 19, 2004

fuck popups

ok, is it just me, or is myspace breeding popups? I ran spybot and it found a lot of crap so fine, i delete it....and IE is still fucking up. only this site, though. too bad i'm hopeless addicted and have now embraced my internet whoring. my sister wanted to take pictures so she made me be her subject so i've got a lot but most suck and i laugh....but not really.

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Sunday, April 18, 2004


I've become temporarially obsessed with the Elbow song "Any Day Now". Woke up to get cloves. I estimate I have 6-9 hours of Music Theory homework to complete. So, I'm going to take a nap.

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infinitas infinitio

i've been smoking too much. ii is feeling the same as me. we're zombies and i don't like it.

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paint a vulgar picture

got stranded at andrea's dorm in milwaukee tonight because my wiper blade doesn't work and it was we just sat around and watched one of adrian's movies...american pie 2....i didn't really watch it but i listened to the dialouge....was anything in that not sex related? well, i didn't catch it. i have to be at work in a few hours and if i wasn't an avid insomniac, i'd probably be napping. that whole sleep thing isn't for me anymore, i suppose; between those jobs and the classes i skip, i never get more than a few hours. oh, but i'm not complaining (yes i am!) but why stop? my sister ate the sub i told her not to eat. my soda peed all over me. i've got crumbs in my belly button from this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. maybe i'll grow a peanut butter and jelly tree. that would save money. i'm out of mustard. maybe i can borrow john's?

6:25 AM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

viva hate

bah! i finally found out that the moz tour/album rumors are true....and so i'm getting super excited about seeing him and---of COURSE he's skipping the midwest. if i wasn't already saving up to see my internet boy, however, i would totally go out to NY...but i can't so i won't. i skipped class again. i think i'm doing it more because i'm ashamed and guilty than because i just dont wanna be there. oh crap, my cat just dissapeared behind the curtain and she's stuck on the screen. oh i'm horrible. i'm getting ANOTHER cousins sub. hopless addict. goddamnit kitty! i'm not getting you down again.

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fido, your leash is too long

i've noticed there are more fake free things than real free things. i haven't showered in a long time.....

i haven't done my homework that was due 5 days ago. i haven't been in class for a week. my teacher is probably so pissed off at me since there are only 5 of us to begin with, plus my attendance and assignments haven't been stellar. this is getting me down. i'm out of socks. sigh. i finally got to talk to kelly who i guess dating jason. that's nuts. so i'm trying to find new music to link, but all of it is fake free. if only the bandwidth fairy would grand me a domain again, i'd be set, but--my income isn't that disposable (oh yes it is!)

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Thursday, April 15, 2004

b l a h

i'm exhausted. very exhausted. too exhausted to care about anything (like how exhausted i am). stupid body. if i wasn't so exhausted, i'd slap myself. john doesn't like mustard. what a weirdo.

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Wednesday, April 14, 2004


so i'm sitting here typing with my sub sammich next to me. i'm hungry. i think "hey, why am i not eating that sammich? ... ... ... ...oh right, it needs mustard!" of course the mustard has to be waaaay over in the fridge but i've already forgotten the whole thing. for five minutes. that happened six or so times before i gave up and ate it anyways. i'm a failure...and now i'm thirsty, too.

um, but yeah, my wireless connection has been (and plans to be) extra shitty all week so don't expect to see me online. got that, imaginary friends?


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Wednesday, April 07, 2004

time is running out

ah, muse. ok, irrelevant. still feeling pretty lethargic and such but it's bearable. i've decided i'm going to make another animation and this time i'm going to make sure it doesn't suck. nothing fancy of course, just powerpoint and photoshop and premiere like last time. hey, since this isn't for a song, i'll be able to do voice overs as well. i'm really going to try super hard to finish it, but i never will. all the projects i've never finished...i don't want to think about it. my garden....i should plant some more flowers for it...ah well, i'll do all of that [never].

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Tuesday, April 06, 2004

[I'll] kick [you] in the eye!

[i'm bitter and content if it means anything.]

this world makes me frown. and snarl. what am i thinking? 2 jobs and school? look, i was born a slacker and i intend to slack for many years to come. this is just too much. but woo, it's gonna be nice losing weight again. it's so easy when you see every meal twice. (unintentional, mind you.) i'd love to smite someone right now. feeling pretty cocky...
speaking of canada boy, he said i should call him. or he call me....i loathe phone conversations...especially with someone you've never met and feel yourself attracted too. so goddamn awkward. my voice also sounds childish when i feel intimidated. curse that word; it's only worked against me. so i know why i'm pissed off. i forgot my happy pills.

happiness is...seeing someone on the ground and knowing you put them there--hug me or i'll kick you > :(


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i realized my mom got my medication that i've been without for almost a month. i took them this morning without really anything to eat and i thought i'd be ok. ah, i laugh. the body shock is pretty harsh and i've been heaving and sweating and all out of it all day. suuuper nauseous too. and hungry. and fatigued. woo, what a ride. i'm getting so obsessed with muse again now that their new cd is out and i heard them on the radio. yet, i hope-very much so-that we are not about to encounter a giant wave of brit pop in the states. because with the good always comes the bad, and eventually all things good from it will be written off to the "bad musical trends" archive. oh, it's not true, sir! brit pop is good, sir! well, the good stuff is good (but even the bad stuff is better than most.) annnyways, back to music. pff, like i would diverge!

i received my joy division poster in the mail and it's rad. little story! i remember listening to wmse and getting so infatuated with this song i was listening to; i was already at my destination but i parked so i could finish listening. of course, they didnt' say the name and i was already late, so i left but thought "golly, i love that song". the words faded from memory and eventually the rest did too but after i saw 24 hour party people (which i picked up in the first place because i knew the happy mondays song) i was entranced and bam! transmission! that was the song!
the end. i'm so pukolicious i can't even talk. ciao.

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Sunday, April 04, 2004

Synonyms: work, labor, toil, drudgery, travail

i finally listened to the cd john mixed for me. pretty cool. i feel bad now for only getting a ladybug in a plastic bag for him. oh, it's still in my car. alas.

my mouth tastes like i drank mineral spirits and vomit. I'm going to get ready for work....but, first i'm going to hunt down daylight savings and beat the crap out of it until i get my hour back.

every day, i hate work until i'm there and then i decide it's not so bad. unless i'm on the presses. i mean, those dough balls are the worst. try standing in the same spot for an hour. [it's hard doing it for 10 minutes.] now try 12 hours. my knee cartilidge likes to move around in its socket on the presses. anyways, i write a letter to timmy every break to make me feel better, although i never send them. every time i write one, i contemplate walking out; getting a plane ticket....seeing canada boy. but, he's not worth it yet.

my nerdcore friends ran some benchmarking programs on my computer and it did stunningly poor (considering the specs)...well, everything is running stock now, but this just proves further my theory that i have some worm eating away the brain of my baby. norton doesn't work and i work too much to care. so whatever.

hm, the sobriquet song is pretty hot. i think i'm going to have to put it into the next mix i make.

_-_-_at tombstone, i sing any of three songs to myself: toadies- possum kingdom; she'll be comin' round the mountain; the kookaburra song. i don't know why. _-_-_

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meeting john and his ego

i don't know why, but for some reason i thought he'd look kind of stupid stoner hippieish. it was really nice that he made me a cd and i really do appreciate it although i suppose he took offense to the lack of interest i appeared to show. i was afraid i might run into some people i knew from high school, and my intuition didn't let me down. amber and rachel (?) were both there at the same time; the two most obnoxious people on earth just happen to be good friends. of course. i loathe that rachel girl because she talks so loudly and about nothing and calls people 'hun'. nothing really ticks me off like someone calling me 'hun'. it's condescending and you know what? next time i should just tell them off. but i'm no good at those things. anyways, armani mike and one of his super nerdy friends showed up. i hadn't seen mike in ages; he used to be good friends with jeff. i heard a little about jeff. i guess i'll never fess up to the fact that i fell in love with a boy who doesn't exist. i mean, he's not like how i think he is. you know?
Annnyways, i think john must really think lowly of me, but i'm no good at meeting people so i was expecting it. he also must think my friends are super obnoxious or nerdy, but they aren't. they are all losers and slackers though. ah yes. i'm tired and cold. i went over to armani mike's and we watched tv while his friend got drunk. the drunk friend then proceeded to go have a pellet gun fight with some little jerks that were at mike's house. one's related to him, i assume. anyways, mike fell asleep so i went home. less than a spectacular night, but it's better than i've had.

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Thursday, April 01, 2004


i just looked down at my carpet. either a cat had an accident or i got mustard on the floor. cats are so great; i don't need people! i wonder if cokehead jeff ever died. i still miss him. i wish i had never deleted his number. i blame zach for that. ah, prettyboy jeff, what ever happened to you? if i'm the lucky gal that finds him dead on a streetcorner, i'm going to take his body home and freeze it for endless happy holidays. oh who am i kidding? jeff is dead to me. but if he was dead, let's say, just died, epoxy would be a better choice for preservation.

9:00 AM - 1 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Sunday, March 28, 2004

I've decided I enjoy blogs

well, i enjoy writing them. but i think canada boy must dislike me now or else he's gone because i haven't heard from him since....uh....wednesday? I can't remember; i dont remember days. well i rely to heavily on his email responses for my emotional stability and in the event that i get no response for days--which is often the case--i feel crushed, like he'd prefer if i would go away. i've got a teensy weensy issue with infatuation here, and it's almost full blown for an internet guy--again! we all know what happened the first time. well, zach and i do at least. I'm clingy to the nth degree. plus we're really just buddy material.

but oog, the classic problem persists. i want to quit my job but i cant' because i wont be able to find one that pays better and is flexible with sheduling. it seemed like a really cool job at first--until i discovered they're attendance nazis. if you are one minute late 5 times in three months, it's ok. if you're late one more time after that, you lose you job. it's because we're temps. if you leave early because you feel super sick, it counts as a late. i felt super sick and left early (making sure first that they didn't need/could replace me). so i got a late for that. if you miss work for ANY reason-with exception to funerals and your own hospitalization-it counts as 2 lates aka 1 full demerit. their justification for attendance strictness is that you choose your own hours and that's fine--it makes sense. but it's not for me. i'm no good at it. i used to go to sleep at 4 am. now i have to be up at 4 so i can leave at 5. ok, i dont actually work 6-6. i work 5:30-6 because they have a 15 minute meeting before you go to work.

and what happens if you're loyal to this employment agency for years? not much. there are temps that have worked there longer than some of the kraft workers themselves. and full time. i work full time, but i get paid less and dont get any benefits(like being able to buy pizzas at a discount). it also grinds down on you because you do the same work as everyone else, but you remain a nameless, worthless temp who doesn't belong with the "real workers". they also have the option of being late 13 times without incident. and they don't have hawks watching you down to the second.

same work; same amount of hours; less pay; no recognition. sounds like every job i'm ever going to ever have. woo.

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I was out with kevin and andrea until moderately late. we saw eternal sunshine of the beatufiul mind last night; holy crap i loved it. i think its' my favorite film from the director so far. wow.

ok, so i was out with andrea and kevin until--yes--moderately late. she insisted on going to kohls so i thought "whatever" but it was cool because there were clothes there for 80% off or more from an already 70% off price. it's was nutty. new shirts for like $2. You can't even get them at goodwill that cheap. i was out with andrea and kevin....yeah. I really liked it. kevin made dinner and andrea made strawberry daquiris. it was great. we watched spongebob for like 4 hours. usually, i dont care for spongebob, but the daquiris made it all that much funnier.

i should have left earlier but i knew i couldnt' so i just stayed there and watched tv. the problem is i work 12 hours this morning (6 am-6pm) and then i work from 11pm-3 am And then on monday I work from 6 am-10 am and then i have class from 11-2. it was my fault for fucking up my schedule but i'm gong to work it to be polite and it's going to kill me or drive me insane and make me quit. we'll see. if not, i'll get a shitload of money. woo.

but goodness, that movie was lovely. i intend to tell canada boy how great it is, then proceed to drive up there and kidnap him. then i shall....make him fight me at mortal kombat III on snes and drink slurpees and eat pop tarts and have trampoline parties and camp out in a fort made of sheets. it shall be, i think i'm too tired to work.

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Saturday, March 27, 2004


that's right, folks....i'm doing the hair thing again. of course, i realize now that i don't have enough bleach....well it'll have to do. i'm not sure yet what color to use but if i dont like it, i can always go back to hair dye is a cushion; a safety; a first aid kit to bad dye can also get a box free with walgreen's rebate coupon book. anyways, i'm sure i'll post a picture once i finish the entire process....i hope i dont pick the wrong color.

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Wednesday, March 24, 2004

I don't get this rating thing

I wanted to see what Jason was talking about with getting a picture "rating" so I added one to this mysterious rating machine. It gave me a 4. Is that because no one has voted? I'd swear it'd be a...well no, I was guessing 4. Mediocre standards win again! I made a Brit Pop mix for my buddy Timmy but I haven't mailed it yet and he isn't on myspace, so maybe I could post the tracks (for my own amusement). Of course, maybe I should replace the kitty litter...but I won't. (also for my own amusement.) I love the creative ways my kitties find to ruin my sister's bedroom. Gosh I love 'em! Time to sleep, lots of shit to deal with tommorrow. Oh my oh my, no pun intended!

12:31 AM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Pills Pills Pills

I can't stop rambling. I've been rambling to this poor guy for over an hour. As soon as he has something to comment, I'm two subjects ahead of him. I took my pills that I've been avoiding for a week. If I had any more to eat today, I'd be puking right now, but I'm good ( I think). I still work at balax 9pm-2 am for the rest of the week minus friday. I figure that I can stay sane as long as I dont work 12 hours saturday at the pizza factory. I'll just keep telling them that "something's come up" and only work noon - 6. And....maybe if i make them cupcakes, they'll stop hating me for losing my id card (again). it's awful. but at least I can save money....with the occasional splurge to keep me sane. $100 can go awfully fast at target if you're not careful.

4:31 PM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

current mood: blah
current music: Elegy and Tribute

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Tuesday, March 30th, 2004
8:18 pm - Fuck it.
I work 60+ hours this week. i had my shedule changed so that i wouldnt work monday during class and what do they do? they reschedule it for friday, when i also have class. sure i can miss it once, but i'm already not going to class wednesday because of this fucked up shedule that i dont want to deal with. fine. i'll work the hours. i don't care.

i've discovered the glorious althetic tape. my toe was getting all rubbed to death because all the good socks were gone and i had to wear some shit ones. i also might put some around my index finger. if it was metal, it would have been buffed to an impeccable sheen; alas, it is but mere flesh and has been given the abrasive beating of a lifetime.

i miss timmy. i want to talk to timmy. but...he's never around. or is it me? i'm never around, i mean.
now there's a new guy that just started talking to me. he seems neat, but he's older than me. i dont understand why anyone would want to talk to me in the first place, so i wont say anything. i hope he doesn't mind friends who like to act like 12 year olds.

current mood: working
current music: Magnetic Fields- My Only Friend

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