10:57AM
phuck the world to hell!!!!!!!!
Current mood: 
crushed
crusheddamn ashley is a idiot hahahahahahahaha lol.....i went to her house today fun fun fun ...befor that i went to dumbass summer skool @ dumbass phs lol starting early....darn it mannnn oh well who gives a freak right? yes it is right...ok wellll yea thats it bye....
jk haha
ok well then i went to her house oh mannnnnn we played this new game it was like checkers (new to me ok) well not really like checkers im telling u this game is hard i was so confused and she kept laughing and laughing mannnn i swear if she wasnt so much of a idiot ide be a bigger one (i dont kno).....yea then we watched just married funny movie...sux to be them like really dang ok then....................................
c yaz later byebyebye
crazyi feel like shit.....once again.....shit is all i feel, my insides r quinched and my out side is pale. Dont kno y do u? haha well actually i do....im tired of alot of thingsso many wasted things....days, months,hours,emotions....everyone goes threw shit right, well now is my turn or @ least it has been through most of my middle skool years. So any times just wanted it all to end..im not a strong person but ive grown alot....i hate people who cut themelves...its like theres no point right? wtf r people thinking, i swear if there was less of somethings there would be alot more of others...
Ive been getting along pretty well with my parents...trying to stay out of there way, show respect, and not talk bak even if i feel im right.... It hurts so much that they dont trust me...the things they say, i mean where do they come from? really? tell me! im sooo good, geeezzzzzzzzzz, i dont do drugs, no sex, im soooo clean i make myself sick and who do i do it for...them! i should be doing it for myself i kno this, but i never do anything for myself..thats not how i am....i try and give...that gets so tireing though god!!!
so yea i still get crap from them though, crap from them and my friends ( "friends") yea...... haha people think they r so cleaver there really not....dont people see that when they say something but mean the opposite people see through that...ydont they just be honest so then we can all move on...and yes i relize that ive done some stupid things hell im still doing them....but look @ other people...it really could get worse if u dont agree your very wrong!
yes im with him...stop asking...what else do u want to kno, people try and find out every detail about everything,i guess it makes them feel like a part of it like there living it...i dont understand ide really rather live my own life...u kno? people always ask though, any question they can....stupid questions if u ask me....some say they dont understand when i give them answers in a mean way of just say phuck off....they dont see that its my like MINE and i dont want to share it with anyone, but who i really love or care about.
I try and remember the good people, people who have stuck with me, most good people have left for one reason or another...if u asked me i couldnt tell u.... but for some reason some stay.....if u asked me i couldnt tell u either, even some claim to be my best friend although some i doubt mean it and those who do i can tell. it seems only resontly have people shown there true colors...who they r and how they look @ me....i find myself with more people saying "phuck u kim" and others inviting me everywhere and wanting to do everything together..." i love u kim" yes sure!
although all the bad im happy lol....i feel like shit but im happy and no one seems to relize that @ this point in my life being with him makes me happy, not sticking up for myself makes me happy, being sarcastic and telling the truth makes me happy....ou may not understand....and even ask me y...i relize that he prob wont even read this, not that he doesnt care, thats just how he is.....and i kno we have our differences and i come to a few and tell them and they dont understand how i can be soo happy but i am, i truly am...and on everything i have, everything that makes me..me i am...if i wasnt i wouldnt be here.....well i would be here but not in the same sense...when im not happy i change.....cause i love to be happy....
soo yea thats about it : )
annoyedwow so the last few days have been completely awesome...ive done alot of hanging out with erika and alll my wilson friends.....yesterday me and erika went to go see finding nemo, like such a good movie....(look its squishy...i shall call u squishy and u shall be mine, my squishy) soooo good, i laughed my ass off....then she came over for dinner and ended up spending the night cause we wanted to go to the graduation and since we both dont have rides ANYWHERE i got a ride from michelle and i wanted erika to come. we watched fight club that night..i love that movie ...we ended up getting no sleep and still went to graduation...it was hott but im glad i went i got to see everyone and that was kool. OH yea earlier that day we watched hott chick and me and her both found our favorit qoutes MINE: u tink ur so kool cause u can pee out of ur penis...HERS: its not everyday ur friend grows a penis...good movie!.....i had a really good time hanging with her...so later @ wilson we showed up 2 hours early and went to class with some friends...Mcbitch had to come along and ruin it shes like u cant wait here wait in the office until its starts....me and erika looked @ each other and were like phuck that and went down to bbk where we got breakfast...we ended up talking the whole time....she came home with me after the graduation and we tryed to eat not to easy and then went to see finding nemo again lol AWESOME MOVIE...i went to a party tonight with all my wilson friends it was kool hanging out with them especially with the few i never see, i talked to alot of them ad caught up i really love those people alot!!!!!
chippershiot....
name-kimberly (oh noooo)
nick name- cucomber, cherry, pink ranger, skittles and kim
dob- nov.21, 1988
siblings- 1 randy
pets- 6 turtles and a dog TOBY
live-pasadena
skool- dont really have one
band- dont have one just like some
boy friend-hahahahahaha...my littlesecret
book- *i read?* actually.....out siders
first concert- Elton John ...dont ask hahahaha
last concert- nfg i think dont kno so long ago
favorit concert- linkin park off the hizzy
upcoming- warp tour
bf- many...ashalee, erika, tianna, breshelle....so on.... CATHERINE
person u talk to most- erika, or my brother (i tell him alot)
person who knows u the best- brent, or joey
favorit color- black or orange or pink (dark pink)
favorit movie- beatle juice (oh mannnn) BREAKFAST CLUB
favorit oldies band- queen or ac dc
favorit pop- hahaha....ha
hip hop- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
favorit author- steven king
night or day- night
favorit thing ever- stars oh mannnn
silver or gold- silver
favorit song- calin, or happy in the meantime
sport-swim or volley ball
place-new york
day-friday
holiday-halloween
hang out- old town
tv show- that 70s show
favorit time period- 40s and 50s
favorit dancer- my brother hes a ass hahahaha
favorit super hero-mighty mouse
favorit villian-mrs marcos (forth grade teacher)
favorite past time- sleep, computer
favorit team- dagers
favorit board game- monopoly (hellz yea)
favorit guote- "u think ur so tough cause u can pee out of ur penis" (hot chick)
that is all for now
bouncyok well on thursday i graduated....finally, it seems like it took forever, i was so happy but soon over whelmed with complete fear and sadness, suddenly i didnt want to go, i didnt want to have to say good bye, i didnt want people to cry and i didnt want to cry. i was sitting on stage looking down @ a croud full of people i tryed to smile but in theis one section was a group of my friends crying, not just for me but for everyone. Some were sobbing....this made me feel sad....completely sad...these were my friends, they thought i was going to leave them forever, i never thought of it like that, i mean it was just bethany and i had only known them for 2 years, but through that i made some real good friends, people i love and people who love me....although it was sad i was still happy i got to leave...i actually graduated (now for those who kno this is big) i wasnt doing so well but in time i brought up all my grades...
erika came...my only friend out side of skool that came to support me that really made me happy.... haha alot of funny things were said around her, especially by my grand parents....i was dying, she was dying...i always laugh when im around her...she cracks me up...
soooo high skool here i come am i ready....no clue, my brother made me a really nice card made me smile thanx randy and erika got me this awesome pink power ranger oh mannnnn pretty kool over all i had a awesome year, ups and downs but mostly just good tiemes
yesterday was pretty fun....i was sposed to go to skool but h well i slept in and besides tomarrow is our last day so i really dont care. Erika came over, that was fun, we were both extremly bored and we always have fun together and i hadnt seen her in what seems like forever so yea she came over....we waited till my bro came home cause we wanted to go rent a movie...by the time he came home and we left fot the movie rental place we were hungry so we got some food, it wanst that good but hey i was hungry....then we went bak to the house and watched wan wilder man i forgot how sick that movie was hahahaha but its good, sick but good. for some reason we got bored, too sick for her i think, and we were just laying around and talking, we talked about alot of things, kirk, and alot of stuff....i havtn opened up to omeone like that for awhile and i felt like i could tell her anyhting, shes such a awesome person, i love her so much, welll then she had to go , it was her brothers birthday...so she left and i fell asleep for awhile and thenjoey called and we talked for along time...then went to bed.
the night befor my grandfather had died....he died peacfully and its sad but i was glad to see him go almost happy, he was in so much pain i was glad he didnt have to feel it anymore....i didnt cry, everyone one else did....i just smiled knoing he was somewhere where i wished to go....hes better now and i kno some people dont believe in heaven or hell or any religiouse things but i do, to not believe in somethig, seems like hopeless living.....i prayed alot for him, tat the lord would take him and in a odd way i think he heard me...
i havent been doing that well in skool lately, i stopped caring for some reason, gave up on whatevr i could, myself, i was tired of it, tired of alot of things....then it hit me i wanna get out of the damn skool so i better work, by that point i was almost failing all my classes....i got letters, phone calls, and visits from my teachers say "she might not graduate" i was like wtf am i doing i hate my skool so much i wanted to get out and maybe i thought by doing that it wouldnt matter...but it did....i some how brought up all my grades, with the help and encouragement of my freinds who knew what was going on...i brought up all my grades but dumb ass math....that was still a f, but @ my skool a d is passing it came down to one test last monday i didnt really study, well kinda.....i had confiedence in my self and i did it i got a b on it yay! now my grades a d and i get to graduate lol tomarrow!!!! yipeee cant wait...high skool here i come... oh great
confusedheyo
yea welll today was ok...nothing to exciting just waiting for skool to be over and stuff like that i cant wait...for the people that dont kno...i have a boy friend, i was talking to him alot yesterday i hadnt in awhile cause ive been real busy and stuff and he was real sweet....it was a awww moment....then i got a call from someone lol, he had moved away for a short time and came bak this made me feel real awkward cause befor he left he asked if he came bak if i would be his grl friend and now im with someone else lol oh well....anyways.... Skools almost over yay lol like 2 more days or soooo, somthing like that...so yea yay....i think thats about it, omg he makes me sooo happy lol awwwwwwwwwww yay.....and me and erika r actually talking im sooo happy!!!!!
cheerfultoday was a very hard day....
i went to see my grandpa in the hospital...u should have seeen him, skin and bones, i could barley look @ him i cried befor i reached the room, praparing for what i was going to see. i guess i didnt prepare we'll enough cause it about killed me. i broke down, i ran away from it i ran out side and begain to sobe. Y? Y did he have to die like this, in so much pain. He kept screaming out for someone to help him and there was nothing we could do, i dont even think he knew we were there. People have been stopping by to see how were doing and then going to see my grandpa...i dont want them to, everytime i see someone else reaction to whats going on i begin to cry all over again. My family walked into the room befor me, they told me not to go in cause it was to much to look @, of course knowing myself i went in anyways @ this point i glance over my sholder and see him lying there so enocent.....so weak, my dad was crying now...a man who barley ever crys i think ive seen him cry one other time and that was when my mom was in the hospital. then my aunt read from the bible, were not a religious family but we do find comfort in god. she read psalms 23......this is where i broke...
psalms 23
Jehovah is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures;
He leadeth me beside still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
He guideth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil; for thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
Thou hast anointed my head with oil;
My cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and lovingkindness shall follow me all the days of my life;
And I shall dwell in the house of Jehovah for ever.
my grandma broke out @ this point...crying so hard..u could tell she wanted to scream, she kept saying we had so many good times....we had fun together....i love him.....she laughed thinking bak @ there goodtimes, i laughed cause it was easier to smile. I took the bible from my aunt and begain strocking it, it was my grandpas, it was a part of him, something from him, owned by him. For those few min it was mine and only mine i read from it, lots of it....i almost never read the bible...i found so much comfort. i stared @ that verse and i found comfort in that as well. When we were leaving my granda said pray he goes soon...
although that sounds horrible...i prayed, i prayed on the way out of the hospital, on the way to the car, on the way home, and im parying threw this letter.
this journal is for my grandpa.....i love u.....ill miss u....watch over me from above and i will join u in time
haha hello there
i havent written in this thing for alongtime..im sorry to those loser who actually read it lol jk ur not a loser i love u but anyways yea i havent been coming on as much been busy and in trouble lol always.... lifes ging good for the most part i try not to let the little things bring me down anymore...i tend to say oh well alot now
yea sooooo yesterday what did i do i went to skool thank god its almost over i dont really even need to go this week we finished everything but most likly ill go anyways cause it will be fun....i hate my skool thats sad but for some reason im gunna miss it..i dont really like the people some exceptions but for the most part no...so i dont kno y im feeling soo sad..prob cause im going to a new skool next year...forget that i dont really care...the real reason is my teacher mrs malott man o man i love that lady she like dang the best person i kno..i really love her i would do anything for her..i cant explain y and most people would be like shes ur teacher but for reals i love that lady..shes halped me alot and everything shes just there for me like a friend and stuff but anyways...
theres been alot of good stuff going on as well......ive made up with some friends i was having problems with befor i really miss some people though im drifting and i dont want to i wanna go bak to the old days.....like weeks ago or even years...i feel like im not myself like im someone else i charish my freinds yet im forgetting them and i shoudnt.....i miss people from wilson and i miss ERIKA and i miss MICKEY its liek what happened where have i been...especially with mickey we used to always be together never seperate...but really when it came to up chuck we were always together all 4 of us .....(upchuck was a local no talent band that included me tianna ashley and mickey) everything was us four always if one was going we were all going and now its like the three of us (me ashley and tianna) and barley that its just sad how people drift apart...but hopefully we will find our way bak cause the good friends r here to stay (cheesy line).
today i found out my grandpa is dying...now i dont kno what to do...i barley know him i feellike ive missed so much a friendship i could had with a man i LOVE...i peson who i should have taken the time to get to kno but i dont kno what to do im gunna go see him tomarrow i cant loose it in front of him..but i kno i will all i wanna do is cry....i should have been closser to him i should have cared...y didnt i, y was i so selfish ive prob seen him once in a year....i used to kno him welll i used to hang out with him..have a conversation, i used to care what he thought and he used to are what i thought...now its all on me, he doesnt even kno whats going on he doesnt even kno who i am i want him to kno so badly and when i kiss him good bye i want him to kno i love him maybe he does..its just gunna be soo hard...how am i gunna do it....life sucks...i want more time to make up fr the stuff i was to stupid to do befor.
here i am a girl sitting here feeling sorry for herself when i should just do something about it....well ot anymore im going to make the best out of it....i dont care what u have to say if im in a good mood dont put me down jut cause ur not im gunna try my best to see the brighter side of everthing just to be happy for myelf just to be here just to have what i have no mor tears right? right no more just a smile : )
i was talking to erika and it about killed me i felt this - small like i was the worst person i kno she didnt mean to make feel like this but i did i felt like i was such a freaking idiot....we were close for that short time..i really loved her i trusted her with so much and she trusted me we had the sertain respect cause we knew what was going on in one anothers life and we were just there..if she was upset i would have done anything just to make her stop crying...i was sooo happy for her when her and kirk got bak together i was dying of smilling so much and jumping up and down it was like the best time cause she loves hima dn he loves her..there meant to be and i was just happy...and yester i was like "were drifting apart huh?" and shes like " yea we r" she always here but im not i feel like ahhhh i cant explain it i felt like i was loosing something so important to me like i was loosing something i loved...i ender the convo with erika "LOVE ME!!!" i dont kno exactly what that means but i kno i meant it i kno i want her to be my friend for along time and i want her to..well...basically love me like my other friends and i dont kno ahhhhhh is this making any sense to u? it doesnt even make sense to me...
im sorry if im not there for u....maybe i just cant maybe i want to and im sorry im not maybe we'll become closser again maybe we wont....to amny maybes but i KNO i love u guys and would do anything for u if u need me u kno where i am...
so thats basically it for now just a few things that have been going on...good and bad....and although i talk mostley about the bad the good stand out.....
: ) ~kim
look they did get better....i cant explain this overwhelming happiness i feel...it un believable i hope it never goes away i hope its here so stay for along time...thanx for giving this to me.....thanx for everything..... i luv u for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : )