| I'm Outtie |
[17 Dec 2003|12:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
I really think I'm done with blurty.
No one seems to pay attention to this. I slack far too much on reading anyone else's blurty. It's just not worth it to me anymore to keep this.
I am on LJ though ( http://sweetpea81.livejournal.com/ ) if anyone wants, needs, misses me, whatever. It's friends only though and I've become a little snobbish when it comes to adding and/or keeping friends.
I wish everyone the best, but I think this is it.
It's been fun!
|
|
| blah blah puke! |
[30 Nov 2003|06:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 angry |
] |
So I was away all week, and it was hell. Pure Hell, and I'm not going into it anymore than that.
My mother is a total bitch -a spiteful, manipulative, bitch to be exact. And I may be moving out of my house -not entire positive about that yet, but it's not looking like such a bad idea to me anymore. I just can't stand it here, I can't stand the people in this house, I just can't deal with it anymore, and I don't want to.
My life is shit, and that is that.
|
|
| oh yeah I still have my Blurty! |
[17 Nov 2003|12:32am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The First Cut is the Deepest -Sheryl Crow |
] |
haven't updated in like a week. Hmm, what's new with me? I already mentioned the crap with Scott. I really do hate that we'll probably never speak again, and that things are how they are all because he's an arrogant, selfish, stubborn, asshole! I spent a week overanalyzing and trying to figure out why. He put almost as much effort into this as I did, he pursued me! And because I confront him with questions I become psycho! Sure. He of all people should know the difference between psycho and sane -considering that his ex really does have psychological problems!! Anyway he's a frat boy now -I don't do frat boys!! NOPE! I have this feeling about fraternties and sororities -the sole purpose of them is make people who are already snobs, even more elitist and pretentious! You have to have money to be in them first of all 'cause you have dues to pay. The whole idea of rushing and pledging is a way of chosing only who you WANT to be in. Fraternities and Sororities are an extremely rude way of chosing who your friends are! And Scott is arrogant enough as it is that he doesn't need to be in a fraternity -but he's a Theta Chi -good for him!!!
Bastard!
Anyway -enough of that. I have job, finally, it's not permanent -well it is actually because they'll use me everyday. I'm a substitute teacher's aide at the Children's Annex, which is a school for Autistic Children. And pretty much they're gonna need me everyday -unless I tell them otherwise. And I had been thinking about subbing in Onteora, but I'll do this until Christmas and if I think I need more or something different I'll go out there too and give them like two days availability and give the Annex Wednesday through Friday.
Next weekend I'm leaving for Florida. I know I was just there in August, but my mom and the Donnys were going back and at the last minute I decided I wanted to go too. Actually my reason for wanting to go is because I don't really want to be home Thanksgiving week, I mean I kind of do but only for Thanksgiving day itself. I'd much rather spend the entire week in Disney World, and I can not wait for 75, 80 degree weather. It is too cold here for me!
ok gotta go to bed, nightynight
|
|
| a distinguished spouse huh? |
[06 Nov 2003|12:52pm] |
| | Occupation: Part Time Manager | | Prized possession: A distinguished spouse. | | Favourite film: Evil Robots from Outer Space Attack [documentary] | | Age difference: One thousand four hundred and sixty-two days older. | | |
|
|
| This place called home... |
[05 Nov 2003|11:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 recumbent |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Xtina -What a girl wants |
] |
Kingston is no good for me. I just can't deal with it. Same boring shit, different day. I'm not saying I'd rather be back in school right now 'cause I think this time off will help me appreciate it when I do go back. Kingston is just -nothing- it drags me down, there's no one here, and even when other people are here it doesn't really change anything for me.
And of course every train of thought I have brings me to guys. When I was at school I always thought I'd rather date a guy from home -'cause they're more familiar and our "common ground" is more familiar, but that didn't really work out for me. Any time I was involved with someone from home it has turned BAD. Now I feel like I should never get involved with a guy from Kingston ever again! And yeah they say you gotta meet a few wrong ones before finding the right one -I'm sick of that! All I get are the wrong ones -and I HATE that! Is it me? I know I'm not perfect -everyone has their flaws. But I really don't deserve the way guys treat me (of course there have been times when I did deserve it -but those times didn't upset me).
I think about it too much. I think about everything too much. That can be my tragic flaw! ~of course tragic flaws are always seem more profound than that. Oh well.
So yeah K-town is dragging me down -but life's not looking entirely hopeless for me right now, things are getting better, and hopefully they'll continue down that path.
|
|
| What a weekend |
[03 Nov 2003|01:32am] |
Halloween was certainly a night to remember -well maybe not considering I can't remember most of it -hehe!
I text messaged Scott -conciously, and apparently I called Scott and left a message -unconsciously -must've been during one of my numerous blackouts. I don't ever want to drink as much as I did Friday night again. Between 6pm and about 2am I had 3 shots (Cap'n Morgan, Absolut Mandarin, and a Lemon Drop), 3 Smirnoff Ices, a rum & coke, a Cosmo, and some drink I threw together (SKYY rasberry, pineapple rum, sprite and cranberry juice) I didn't finish that last one. Drinking all that would get anyone trashed.
I did take some pictures though -just wish you could see more of my costume :\ -I was a black fairy.
( pictures )
On another note -Scott is seriously the biggest asshole I have ever known. Why I'm psycho I don't know. And you know guys throw that term around far too much. Girls are not psycho -his ex Kacie does have psychological problems and may actually be a little psychotic -I however am not. Because I wanted to know what was going on between us and if I was wasting my time -that makes me psycho. Because I made a drunk dial that I have no recollection of -that makes me even more psycho?? NO -the first one makes me an overanalyzing female, dealing with a guy she doesn't understand, reading signs from him that point to other things -and the second one makes me extremely drunk -which I was!! I never intended on calling him -the text message though -I knew I was doing that -and surprisingly I spelled everything correctly too -lol. Oh well whatever.
Scott really is an arrogant, selfish, stubborn son-of-a-bitch, and like I said to Kate earlier tonight -if he knew all along that it wasn't going anywhere and that he didn't want more, then there were so many things he should not have done. Last time I saw him -when he was home that night -he didn't need to first call me at 4am, second come over when I said he could, and third gave me a hug and kiss in the morning when he left and tell me that he'd see me at Thanksgiving. (or whatever he said -see ya soon, or whatever it was).
Whatever though -I'm done. Guys suck, I've had it for a while.
And speaking of guys, Chris has been checking my spy links on my profile -which has me somewhat perplexed considering we haven't talked in two months, I did see him in church two weeks ago though, but the last time he checked my spy links was sometime over the summer. I don't get it. But I miss Chris a little -I miss talking to him. Too bad that whole thing will never be the same again 'cause he is whipped beyond belief. If he doesn't propose to his girlfriend by the time he graduates in May I will be extremely surprised. First Loves are tough -I'll never forget Chris.
|
|
|
[31 Oct 2003|03:35pm] |
I'm not a fan of Halloween -but here ya go!
|
|
|
[30 Oct 2003|10:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
pissed off |
] |
I've decided not to delete my blurty -I did however delete my greatestjournal -which doesn't affect any of you anyway.
I hate my life right now.
I have no job -whichi I'm not all that upset about.
Scott is a FUCKING ASSHOLE! and I'm done wasting my time -since I now know that I am wasting my time -and was wasting my time. What a waste of a summer!! Honestly! I could've wallowed in my own lonely self pity and not had to deal with any of this.
My feelings are you should never get involved with someone unless you want it to go further. Don't fuck with peoples emotions!
|
|
|
[28 Oct 2003|12:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
apathetic |
] |
I was thinking maybe I should delete my blurty. Would that be a mistake? Would I be missed over here? I dunno. I just have no desire to update it at all. -well I don't really have anything to say -not of any interest anyway. My life is boring -I pretty much have NO LIFE! I have no job, I feel I have no friends 'cause I barely see or talk to any of them. I have no money, I am stressed out. I hate living at home -my mother makes me crazy. I wish I was doing something productive -but what can I do?
had a job interview today and the attorney who interviewed me basically told me with my LSAT score and GPA I would never get into law school -way to crush someones confidence (the little bit of confidence I even still have about law school). I just want to go to law school -I know I can do it. I realize that not being in school is a big waste for me. I have to do something with my life. Something lasting -something worth something. I could go back to school and be a nurse -that would be "honorable" as my mother put it. But that would mean more undergrad shit. Wonderful! I can't be a teacher because I hate when children are rude to me -I can't deal with it. And sure they may not be rude to their teachers but there is always at least one punk ass kid who will treat their teacher with no respect whatsoever. I think teaching would be easy -but I'm not really a pleasant person all the time -and more and more I'm becoming a huge bitch!
::sigh:: -don't know what to do
|
|
| yay! |
[12 Oct 2003|10:43am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
It's been a while and A LOT has happened. The past month has been a roller coaster with Scott with more lows than highs really. He told me his situation -that he needed time for himself and I understand that. Well then things got a little on the stressful side. I was stressed out 'cause I retook the LSAT last weekend and I was taking a Princeton Review course to help improve my score -well that stressed me out. Then not having a job stressed me out. And I got a little needy -honestly I did. I wanted attention from Scott and I didn't really get it and what I did get wasn't really enough to satisfy me long enough. Well two weeks ago we had a few conversations that really rubbed me the wrong way -he was really not all that nice to me and it hurt my feelings so I left one last message and basically thought "I give up" I left a message again last thursday, two days before my test just to say whatever. And well last night I noticed he was on AOL -and if I hadn't been at the computer for the 10 minutes he was online I wouldn't have known- but since he was on AOL I thought maybe he was home. So I text messaged him -and yeah he was home and at 4:30am -yeah 6 hours ago -he called me! Luckily I wasn't asleep. We chatted -I got some things off my chest and at 5 I asked him if he wanted to come over-eventhough I never thought of it as an option because of the time. But he came over and didn't leave until like 9.
I am so glad I saw him! And I'm in a pretty good mood -despite my antibiotic induced vomitting.
|
|
|
[08 Sep 2003|02:13am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Deep Inside of You -Third Eye Blind |
] |
I made a new icon the other day -specifically for my blurty, I think it's fun. i've been on an '80s Brat Pack kick lately.
moving right along...
It's been a while since I actually updated, last week I posted some pictures, but that's nothing of substance really. Scott and I kind of straightened things out and he stopped being so weird towards me. Basically if I wanted to see him all I had to do was ask -but I never actually came out and asked so I went for almost a week without him stopping by 'cause I didn't speak up. Well Tuesday before he left we had been talking online and basically he told me what I needed to do if I wanted to see him -so I asked and he came over -around like 2am though -and he was sober, which I was happy about 'cause him stopping by late at night w/out having been at a bar was a rare occurence this summer. But he came over that night and we watched Ocean's 11 until it went off at 3:30 -well by then we weren't watching. It was a good night, another late one -as in late I mean he left at 5:30 when my mom's boyfriend was taking his shower to go to work. On Scott's last day of work he stopped by the pool while Ralph was cooking out for us. I was exhausted by 1 o'clock when he came by on his tractor -I mean I went to sleep at like 6am and had to be up and at work by 9. Well when I saw him mowing out front I went out to catch his eye and he gave me this cute little discrete wave -which he gave me again like an hour later when he left.
Well Scott left on Saturday -the last Saturday in August- and all week he didn't know if he was gonna leave friday or saturday -well Wednesday I he had to do something with his sister and said he'd call when he got home -but he fell asleep -which was fine. The next night I had called him a million times -and he never called me back 'cause he didn't check his voicemail. Well when I finally talked to him he was trashed -completely wasted and I just let him go 'cause I couldn't talk to him anymore. I got off the phone and cried -my ex made some stupid ass remark about Scott and I called him and told him not to be so mean and I was still crying. I was upset 'cause the next day I was getting my wisdom tooth taken out and I had no idea how I was gonna be after that. Well Friday came around I called him before i went to the oral surgeon -no answer -must've called 3-4 times after having the tooth pulled, then finally he called me at like 9 that night. He asked me if I wanted to take a little trip with him around 11:30 and of course I said yes, the night before he left there was no way I was gonna say no.
So he called back a little after 11 and me and my half numb face went on a little trip with him -very little. We ended up driving around Kingston for about an hour, hour and a half, then came back here. We sat in the car for another hour and a half and talked -which needed to be done before he left -for my sake. He did however talk about his ex though -but that can't be helped. And he went on for 20 minutes about lying -which I had already heard his whole thing on lying. Well it was finally time to say good bye so we both got out of the car, and hugged each other, at one point I looked to my right and saw a shooting star. I didn't want to say good bye, but I had to. And then when I was walking to my house he stayed where we had been and just watched me -I wonder what was going through his mind then. And well, that was that.
He left for Syracuse the next morning and I didn't talk to him until the following thursday and that was not a good conversation, -he ended up taking my screen name off his list 'cause I was apparently giving him bullshit. Then Friday night -which was just over a week ago- I was in Albany with my friends at one last beer pong party and I wanted to talk to him so I called him -barely said two words and he claimed I was giving him bullshit and hung up on me -I cried. I did a lot of crying that weekend but that's because I was PMSing. Since it was a long weekend I gave it some time before I IMed him again. Finally Tuesday afternoon I talked to him, and it was a good conversation. Not good in that things are fabulous between us, but good in that it cleared things up for me quite a bit. The bottom line is that Scott needs time for himself -which I understand- he can't have a girlfriend right now -and that hurts 'cause, eventhough I was ignoring my thoughts about that -that is what I wanted. But I feel ok now about it all, eventhough things are the way they are. It's ok I know his situation.
I miss Scott a lot. I think about him everyday and I just wish I could be with him and that things could be different. But who knows what might happen in the future. He hasn't rejected me for someone else -he hasn't rejected me at all. He's just doing what needs to be done for himself -and I understand that. He is his main priority right now and that's fine.
It's late, this was probably really long and I should get to sleep.
|
|
|
[17 Aug 2003|10:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Pearl Jam -Better Man |
] |
Shitty ass week.
Florida was ok -but it's over now so I'm not gonna talk about it.
Scott's being wierd and I don't know what to do about that -there really isn't much I can do about it though so I'm stuck -stuck that is until he leaves for school sometime this week -and of course he doesn't know when he's leaving so whatever. I feel too old to be playing these games with him. Haven't seen him since Wednesday and since then we had a couple not so good phone conversations, and yesterday I didn't talk to him at all. I'm lost, I don't know what to do and I really wish someone could help.
I gotta go to work now though and see if the pool is open -and I want to work today like I want a hole in my head ::sigh:: And I'm pretty sure that we're not gonna have enough lifeguards and that's just PEACHY!! just shoot me now!
|
|
| yuck |
[01 Aug 2003|07:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
R.Kelly -Snake |
] |
Beer "hangovers" are bad. I say it like that 'cause it's not really a hangover, it's just a pukey feeling that I don't want to last all day -but I'm sure it will.
Life's ok, I made a little bit of an ass out of myself last night, but I did it in front of Scott and I don't think he really cared that much. I put my almost full cup on the bar and hit it with my elbow -it was a plastic cup and it fell over and I spilled it. I didn't drink anymore after that point -but it was basically time to go home. The boat ride was ok, and since our parents were our DDs (well at least my mother was DD for me, grandma and Kate) -we pretty much just left at like 1:30 for our parent's sake. I was a little drunk, Scott was a little drunk and he wanted me to call when I got home to come get him so he could come over -but I called at like 2:15 and he didn't answer his phone -oh well. Of course this was after I talked to Chris online and then warned him 'cause he was being an ass. -but of course Chris being an ass is nothing new!
I'm supposed to go up to Albany tonight and then to great escape tomorrow, but it's rainy and I don't know if it's worth it for me to spend my money on that considering we're going to florida in 4 days!! I mean I'd love to see my friends, but I can go up after I get back from Florida. I dunno.
|
|
|
[24 Jul 2003|08:50pm] |
Haven't updated in oh a few days -maybe like a week. Let's see.
Well to update what I last said -my wisdom tooth is now royally screwing up the rest of my teeth. It is pushing my teeth over and my already slightly crooked bottom front teeth are getting worse daily! The wisdom tooth is coming out on August 22nd!
So I said I had an "obsession" last time -and I said it in quotes like that 'cause it wasn't really an obsession. I don't know if anyone else gets like this but here's what the deal was. There's this guy -I've known him for YEARS and my boss one day said something to him (he doesn't work with me -but does work for the city). Well after that it was no big deal 'cause I didn't really ever see him. Then I saw him on my birthday and the next day he stopped by the pool and was talking to him -ok. Well apparently my boss got this idea in his head to start ragging on me about the guy -he would and has said something about him to me almost everyday! And when someone talks to you about the same person all the time, it's like in your head. Well that's how it was with me and I couldn't get the thought of him out of my head. But I'm ok now though. So the guy -I'm not giving names- told me we should go out for drinks sometime -and he asked on more than one occassion and I kind of just always said -maybe- well Tuesday night he IMed me and I figured why not and we went out. We were only out for like an hour, hour and a half. It was nice -we talked about stuff -relationships, school(briefly), my current lack of future plans, the fact that I'm too tense. And then we talked for an hour online after we got home. I don't know. We're friends, and that's fine. Don't know what's gonna happen -if anything, so whatever about it really.
And a couple weeks ago I had something in my AIM profile about being obsessed with something -and Chris has been extremely persistent in finding out WHO! Last night he claimed it was him and that's why I wouldn't tell him! HAHAHA! YEAH RIGHT!!! I won't tell him because he HATES who I was talking about and I honestly don't want to hear shit from him about it. Not that it should matter to him. And eventhough he claims he wouldn't say anything rude about it -he would totally be rude -or just not say anything at all and then I'd know that he's at least thinking something rude or obnoxious! So he's not gonna find out!
Hmmmm what else. We're going to Disney World in 12 days and I'm getting more excited as it gets closer. My hair is getting too long and I think I need to cut it, but I'm gonna leave it until the end of the summer and then I'll re-color it -either fix the streaks or die it back to normal.
And eventhough I'm not really a huge fan of tequila -I kind of wish I was at Margarita night right now at the Armadillo. Oh well -don't know who I'd go with. And maybe kate and I will go out tomorrow night -since she knows boys who can get us free drinks!! ;) -j/k. She has friends that work at the bar. But I don't know -should've asked her today -but I guess I"ll talk to her tomorrow about it.
|
|
| I'm still alive I swear |
[15 Jul 2003|09:32am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Air -Playground Love |
] |
I had to put up with far too much bullshit on Blurty the past couple weeks so I gave it a rest for a while. I am still alive and probably won't update that much on here but I'm still here and I still read everyone else's journals so don't get rid of me.
My birthday was last thursday and it was ok. Went to dinner with my mom and then saw donny's last allstar game (they lost -made donny happy though to not have to deal with those coaches). Thursday night I went out with katie and amy. We made the rounds downtown and went to 3 out of 4 bars (unless you count rositas as a bar -in which case it would be 3 out of 5) anyway. We went to Margarita night -we were only there briefly and my margarita wasn't that great. It was a pretty sober night 'cause getting drunk while two other people watch isn't much fun. Then we went to the west strand grill and then to Mariner's. Saw my new "obsession" at mariner's -I won't get too into that unless something actually happens.
Friday I went to the dentist -I need a wisdom tooth out- then I went ot albany and partied with the girls. It was ok -not overly fantastic -but fun -despite the drama we had on the way home from happy hour involving some guy basicallyl assaulting danielle -but I don't want to get into that either.
I gotta get to work, so I hope everyone's having a good summer so far. I'll ttyl
|
|
|
[30 Jun 2003|09:05pm] |
|
I'm not a fan of mandy moore in movies but I want to see How to Deal really really bad and I'm not loving my job at all this summer -but $9.75 an hour, 40 hours a week I can't really complain. I'll deal with it as long as people start listening to me and/or acting like I have the authority I DO have! Whatever -it was just a shitty day @ the pool.
|
|
| Fuck it!!! |
[30 Jun 2003|08:04am] |
I fucking hate people on Blurty (not my "friends" though of course). I throw out an idea for a community and within a week 3 people try to knock it down. I was bored and Blurty seems a little slow to me. But whatever -I left and gave up the community days ago 'cause I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere.
And I may just leave Blurty and just stick to my livejournal -eventhough I'm bored with some of my friends over there. Oh well.
It's only 8am and already it's a rough day. I don't know what my brother has been thinking the past couple days -but he may be in big trouble. how can someone be so stupid
Gotta go shower and be at the bank as soon as they open -hopefully they open at 9. ttyl.
|
|
|
[28 Jun 2003|12:05am] |
Ok to me it seems a little early to be having fireworks. But no Kingston is having their fireworks this weekend. I know the 4th is only a week away -it just still seems early. And what I kind of don't like is that they are on Sunday -I always thought that we had them the Saturday before the 4th. I have to work on Sunday -until like 7!!! that sucks!!! not that I have any big plans for the fireworks anyway -but still.
Next friday I have two things to do -or that I could do. My friend Elizabeth is having a party at her house -graduation/4th of july party -eventhough she graduated in December. But... I don't think I'm gonna go 'cause again I have to work til 7, and I just don't really feel like going to Pittsfield -sorry. And then my aunt and uncle are having a little party thingy -Emily insists that my uncle brian and aunt debbie make it an annual thing to have this party where only my mom and my uncle pat and their families are invited (kind of pretentious if you think about it) But it's fun and I love Em -so I don't know. That would be easier for me 'cause I could go over after work. So I'll have to email Elizabeth back about her party then.
Ok Well someone tried to break into my car -obviously 'cause the door was ajar this morning and there was obvious prying since there is paint chipped off my car door and the door frame. I'll keep it in the driveway from now on -if I can!
Ok I'm tired so I'm gonna go to bed. G'night
|
|
| Irritated! |
[25 Jun 2003|11:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
pissed off |
] |
I hate this fucking weather! I hate fucking losers who leave anonymous comments -
FUCK YOU -YOU FUCKING LOSER I HOPE YOU DIE!!
I need a damn air conditioner in my room -but NOOOOO I can't have one 'cause that would be wrong -fuck it! There are 3 air conditioners in this house and not a single one is set up yet! We've already fucked up the house all the damn windows are open -once you open the windows and let all the HOT air in it's kinda hard to get it out (ok that was total bullshit -but I'm pissed off and it sounds good). But since they're not set up how the hell is anyone in THIS house gonna set them up in 90 degree weather??? huh??? They're not!! The only ones capable of putting in an air conditioner are either too lazy or never here -so whatever. And the lazy one -ok he's not that lazy but he comments everyday about needing the air conditioners set up but doesn't do anything about it. Maybe tomorrow he'll get on that -at least he'll have the one in downstairs -I'm sure -leaving us up here to DIE IN THIS HEAT!
Just fuck everything right now
and as a note to the loser who left me that comment -you can go ahead and ASSUME all the shit you want to -but I am not some preppy ass whore! I may like Tiffany jewelry but I'm not the typical Tiffany wearing, snobby, spoiled, sorority girl, cheerleader -SO BITE ME!!!
|
|
