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Blurty for fake it.
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| Thursday, February 12th, 2004 |
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ughsdlfjsdlkfj i always get so attatched to people and then have trouble accepting that it will never work out... i can't wait to go to see atmosphere tomorrow. i haven't seen laurel in a really long time. these past few weeks have been good, not perfect but they have been fun. i haven't gone to school since monday and tomorrow i am leaving early, so that is nice. i can't wait to go to dance, when i don't dance in awhile i feel gross and jittery and sluggish. i also need a cigarette. |
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| Wednesday, January 21st, 2004 |
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| haha the hungry bat is funny | ||
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| everything has been going really good minus school. i haven't done any work in so long but i am having fun and not worrying anymore really. i talked to laurel last night, finally. she called me and said "i think we should be friends again." alright. we had a fun talk about everything that has been going on. i told her i got into Hollins and she was happy about that, i think. i didn't tell her that i don't really want to go there. i hope i can get into pratt. maybe i will finish my application today instead of doing work. it is more important. i'm so hungry, all we have at my house are martini olives. and i am in love. and when i am in love, i get hungry. | ||||
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| Monday, January 12th, 2004 |
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| i miss sammy. i'm sick of being cold this winter. i can't stay like this anymore, i have to get it together. i'm too serious to be so ridiculous. but i am grateful for the trip, this weekend was awesome and liz is awesome and i love driving away. | ||||||
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| Tuesday, January 6th, 2004 |
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| i am going to clean my room RIGHT NOW after I listen to this song and also do some other fun stuff. And maybe watch mtv. It snowed a little bit on my way home, i loved it. at first I thought it was just dust flying around but then i realized i was wrong. i wish he would call me so i wouldn't have to call him first...errrggg... | ||||||
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| Friday, December 26th, 2003 |
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| it is friday and it is christmastime and no one will hang out with me. | ||||
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| Sunday, December 21st, 2003 |
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| what do i dddddoo I don't know. I am stressed out about college, it is really hard for me to concentrate on anything. I am not in love with Corey anymore, i guess because i haven't talked to Laurel in such a long time. That sounsd weird but it makes sense to me. I am wondering why it is so surprising to her that i haven't called her...when she told me not to call her. and that she couldn't be my friend until I stopped acting immature. And then when I said she was the immature one, she got mad and started saying shit so I just hung up the phone really quietly and then freaked out afterwards. There is just nothing good about this friendship anymore. I am trying so hard but I can't really anymore, because there is too much else to think about. I want to go to Pratt, by myself, without her. I want to get away from everything. | ||||
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| Thursday, December 11th, 2003 |
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Last night I had a dream that Corey was in love with me, and one night he got upset and drove to DE but halfway here he got into an accident because he was driving too fast, and the accident killed the person in the other car. I have the weirdest dreams sometimes. dinner at homegrown was fun, except we had to wait for zoe forever. We are getting a christmas tree today. |
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| Saturday, November 29th, 2003 |
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| I hate it when Laurel and I argue with each other, and we only ever argue lately or don't talk to each other. I am worried about whether she is ok because she won't tell me and I am worried that she hates me at the same time, and I will never know, this will never be resolved, it is going to be like this forever and there is nothing we can do about it. IT IS STUPID and I wish everything could be great the way it used to be. | ||||
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| Thursday, November 27th, 2003 |
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JBJBJBJBJBJBJB she is home, she is not dying! Why is Laurel ignoring me? I don't know. Am I a bad friend? no. I think that girls are so stupid so tomorrow I am going shopping on black Friday and only buying things for myself. I AM SO SICK of all of this drama. Annie and I saw Love Actually, and it was really good. I don't like thanksgiving, I don't like to eat a lot of food. but whatever. all i can think about is next year when I can leave. |
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| Monday, November 24th, 2003 |
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Today in Creative Writing I said I am not a vegetarian anymore because fake chicken nuggets taste bad and I don't get enough protein, and Lauren Stevens gave this disgusted look at me. What a fucking snob. I can't believe that I was friends with someone who is such a bitch. Sorry I am not going to compromise my health and eat things I don't like because I want people to think I'm earthy and cool! She is the biggest fake I have ever met and I wish I would never see her again. Showstoppers was beat, too many little kids and it was wayyyy too long and Annie and I had to listen to Simple Plan whenever the dancer girls put it on in the dressing room.....uuuughggghhghgh. But afterwards Amy and Amanda came to a party with us and it was so much fun. My friend JB from the hospital is dying. She has pancreitis, I don't know how to spell it but she has a 35% chance of getting better. I am worried about her. Everyone is dying lately, just random people like Steph Tillamin and Left Eye from TLC and Elliott Smith. Or maybe I am just getting older so I know what it means now. I am glad I'm not sick anymore, I am really doing fine and it is much better. I have a cold, it sucks. |
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| Monday, November 17th, 2003 |
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| i just got my sat scores back and i scored 200 points higher than the first time. i got a 740 in verbal and a 570 in math. i am so proud of myself and happpyyyyyyy maybe i won't live in de for the rest of my life!!!!! | ||||
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| Saturday, November 15th, 2003 |
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| i am the luckiest girl in the world. | ||||
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| Wednesday, November 12th, 2003 |
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In 10 years I will be 27 years old. I will be taller and my hair will be shorter and very blonde from the sun. I will wear Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Chanel, Dolce and Gabbana, and Betsey Johnson. I will dress up everyday for nothing in eye-catching shoes and antique jewelry. I will have enough money and live near enough stores to wear whatever I want. I will wear perfume at all times in my life, no matter what. I will live in New York City in an apartment with two bedrooms. My bedroom will have red walls, white Christmas lights and lace curtains. There will be a view through the window, I don’t care whether it is a view of the bricks of the building next door or lights or a Korean novelty store, but there will be a view. I will have ginger snaps, apple cider, lemonade and tea at my house all the time. My friends will come over and we will drink wine out of juice glasses and listen to music and talk together. I will cook Caribbean food and crème brulèe for everyone. I will be a model after being discovered during college whenever I did it just to make money. I will have traveled all around the world. I will have a house in Naples, Italy, where all of the churches are pink, and one in Hollywood and Connecticut and everywhere. Whenever I am at my house in Connecticut I will holler at my girl Martha Stewart, unless she is in jail. I will be friends with Sarah Jessica Parker, Ludacris, Madonna, John Mayer, and Caitlin from Rainer Maria. I will use my connections to design my own line of Bruce Springsteen t-shirts and he and I will have lunch all the time. He will give me away if I ever get married, since my actual father is unavailable. I won’t be a snob. I won’t start drama or act stupid. I will be polite to everyone and never be a primadonna. I will still go to Virginia Tech college football games with my best friend Laurel. Also, Michael Vick will give me his autograph, or maybe even a jersey. If he gives me a jersey I will hang it in my closet and look at it everyday and wear it when no one is around. I will go shopping with Nikki and Paris Hilton. Ani Difranco and Tori Amos and I will talk shit on chauvinist men together and they will let me sing at their concerts sometimes. I will have graduated from college with a Communications degree or an English degree or a Journalism degree, or maybe my Master’s in nutrition, and I will never waste my education. I will have opinions and read everything and know about everything that is going on in the world. I will do everything that I can to help people, like volunteering at battered women’s shelters. I will buy my kittens from the SPCA and tutor kids for their SATs. Somehow I will meet a boy who doesn’t hate himself and who isn’t crazy. I am so tired of boys being crazy and acting like children all the time. He will bring me champagne and take me out for coffee and to shows. We will walk around the city and hide on the subway and stop into bookstores and photography exhibits. He will be sure of himself and a little bit hard. He won’t whine about his problems because he will know enough about the world to take them. He will NOT be in a band. He won’t waste his time hating anyone and he will never be wrong because when he doesn’t know something, he will say, “I don’t know.” We will take vacations to Mexico sometimes, we will just decide in the middle of the night that we need to get away for a while and we will pack up and leave. We will lie on the beach where the air is heavy and smells like rose petals. He will take me to Coney Island and we will ride the Ferris wheel. Sometimes we will just sit around and listen to music. I will cook for him and write stories that I will read for him and he will smoke while he listens. We will understand the things that we tell each other. I will have a baby named Nora Marilyn Breese. She will have white blonde curls and blue eyes. Her first word will be “bird” and we will watch Marilyn Monroe movies and recite the lines together. I will be a good mother and never be neglectful. I will take her to Bloomingdale’s and Dolce and Gabbana Kids where she can pick out her own clothes and wear whatever she wants. I will teach her never to cry in order to get her way. She will learn to read very young like I did. We will have magnetic poetry on the fridge and fairy tales in the bookshelves. I will feed her fruit and granola and yogurt and things that are good for her, I will read baby books to make sure that I don’t forget anything. I will take pictures of her all the time, excessively, so that I will have them for her to look at when she gets older. We will watch football together on TV and I will take her to football games in mini cheerleader outfits. We will go to the circus and the zoo and central park. When she is little, she won’t sleep through the night but it will be alright because I will drink a lot of coffee, and during the day we will sleep on the balcony in the sun with the kitten walking around next to us. In the summertime, we will all take trips to South Carolina to visit my whole family. They will spoil the baby and ask the boy hundreds of questions like what his football team is and where he grew up and whether or not he likes grits. He won’t like football or grits but my grandfather will pat him on the back anyway and start a random conversation about calculus. My mother will start telling the baby that men are scum even though she won’t really know what boys are yet or even how to talk much. The baby will just laugh and drink ginger ale and kiss everyone and point to cardinals and say “bird!” My grandmother will sing a lot and show us all pictures of her last trip to Spain. My aunts will giggle and talk about how wonderful babies are and my uncles will play guitar and get into arguments about politics and sports. After awhile we will go back to New York City very suntanned. We will say “y’all” by accident for about a week after we get home. My little sister Bea will come to visit when she is on breaks from college. She will be 19. Whenever she comes to visit, we will go to museums together and I will take her to 5th Avenue and buy her a present. We will go out to dinner at sushi restaurants and hang out with my friends. I will introduce her to Bruce Springsteen, of course. My friends and I will never be catty or overdramatic or annoying. We will be nice to each other no matter what, or else. We will not invite each other’s boyfriends to Florida alone. We will just have fun. We will go vintage shopping and throw parties that are featured in People magazine, make presents for each other and celebrate holidays together. We will get dressed up all the time, get our nails and hair and makeup done and go out to dinner at fancy restaurants for no real reason. We will go out dancing and to bars. Everyone will get along. This part will be easy. Everyday will be different and we will be able to get through every bad thing that happens. |
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Shit I'm only tryin to holla - it's only right you holla back So where you headed lemme follow that Now word up I got plans for you It's more than my tongue and my hands'll do The way you move to the music - it make a nigga wanna, take you up outta here, go somewhere, loose it And your physique is off the chain It's gonna be hard gettin you off the brain......... I had a lot of fun hanging out with Ally today, we talked about EVERYTHING and then we ate at best cuisine, and afterwards I was so full. But it was really good. It felt really good to get out all of the things that I wanted to say for a really long time. i am really glad we hung out ally... |
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| Tuesday, November 11th, 2003 |
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I was watching that movie Crazy/Beautiful with Kirsten Dunst in it today and it doesn't really make sense. Because she doesn't really do anything that horrible, but her parents act like she is a huge badass who does all of these craaazzzyyy unthinkable things. It smells like winter outside, I can't wait until we all get together and drink wine out of juice glasses and make presents for eachother and it starts to snow. I wish I would meet a boy who liked me but who wasn't crazy. That is why I stop liking the boys that I go out with. Sammy had the worst self-esteem ever, Jeremy was a psycho, and I cannot go out with Adam because everytime I talk to him he says things like "I ate a bagel this morning, it was a real splurge so now I have to go and run seven miles to burn off the calories," and I really don't feel like dealing with that bullshit. Relationships are hard enough to keep up without people being crazy. I'm so tired of boys who are crazy. Someone has to be comfortable with himself. SOMEONE SOMEWHERE who is not 30. I could be a really good girlfriend if I didn't have to wait for whoever I am going out with to grow up. |
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| every cover of "the boys of summer" by don henley sucks and makes me want to cry. I wish I could punch the ataris in the face until all of their teeth were cracked so that they couldn't sing anymore. I really love that song. Why can't all of those stupid bands who covered it just LISTEN to it instead of having to ruin it? | ||||||
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| i am getting an hiv test tomorrow. | ||||||
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| Monday, November 10th, 2003 |
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I fall in love with boys with girlfriends a lot because it is easier to see the way that someone really is if you can see the way that they treat the people they love. I am always too late for everything but at least I know why. I feel like going out right now. It is hard for me not to take all of my Trazadone.  You are Witch Baby from "Dangerous Angels". You love someone, but you can't find them. You don't fit in anywhere, not even with your family. Which Francesca Lia Block heroin are you? brought to you by Quizilla |
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I am sick of people saying that Marilyn Monroe was fat. She was not fat. She wasn't even that curvy, she would be a size 4. People are funny. Annie and I went to this church bazaar the other night. I bought a bunch of jewelry, a cookbook about cooking Carribean food, a French cookbook, a teddy bear, scissors that say pussy, and some boxes. Everything was 25 cents or 50 cents except for the jewelry. I think that the scissors that say pussy are worth a lot more than 25 cents though. It is getting cold. I can't wait until it snows, it is supposed to be another bad winter and I hope it is. I want to be a model. Right now. Today. I just decided. If Laura Mammarella can do it, I can, she is boring and short. I'm going to do it, really. |
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Blurty for fake it.
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okay.
hungry.
gloomy.
giddy.
exhausted.
sick.
aggravated.
ecstatic.
scared.