' im always too late, i see the train leavin... [03 Sep 2003|07:50pm] Where did I go right? How did I get you? I don't know how I did... but somehow now I do... I don't know what to say right now... or ever... :\ edit/: I don't know what to write, wtf... I want to say everything on my mind... HAHAHAHA, how impossible? :\ To make it all worse... the only thing keeping me sane is untouchable right now considering he's one of my friends boyfriendss not to mention, I can't ever compare to... her... or that. Just, ew... Um, and it wouldn't matter anyways because he'd never hav my heart anyways... it's um, taken. and that's that. Hi Chasity <3 finally you're on biotch. I luff you, thanks for everything... Cathy- I'm updating cause you said to bitch. lol, and um, I'll mail you some buffallo wings, kay? kay. um, Shay and Jess- I'm glad we're not all hating anymore... :\ yeah... and Corey... I never make a promise I don't intend on keeping... so just trust me, okay? Okay.... And in other news- did I mention anything about... oh wait ha, yea I did... okay nevermind. --||*1|-wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

` many men, wish death 'pon me... [28 Aug 2003|11:31pm] [ mood | amused ] So tonight was nothing special... quite informative, none the less... blah, and nothing really exciting happened today, hmm... This morning, Jay drove all the way from New Hartford at 6am to bring me to school, God I love him-- he's seriously my brother... my fucking mentor dude. He just rocks my world completely... and let's see... so I get to math, early of course because I'm Brittany and I'm cool like that, and hi, no one was there yet, well, no one I cared about... then Bri showed up and we pissed everyone off for the 5 minutes that we were without a teacher in the room... finally Jan and Andy showed up. Weeeeee, I love those 3 guys so much... honestly, I don't think math would be the same without those little fuckers... they're so great. ANYWAYS-- so we had a gay worksheet and basically Andy and I talked about everything the whole class, except math... hmm, then 2nd period, Mrs Good sent me to quad to get my schedule changed AGAIN, so needless to fucking say, hi, no more Art... nope, instead I'm taking choir... fun times... lemme tell you. Fuck THS, I hate school. Yeah, so besides that... work sucked, whatever... and yeah, the end of that. So... then, mama picked me up at 6 and we went shopping... hm, I don't want to go there. But since then, I've been home pretty much all night just talking to people, and getting random information thrown at me... lol, don't ask, people are... fun. Lmfao, but now I'm just so randomly happy because I know that I rock... sometimes. I'm getting another journal so I can actually talk about shit without worrying how you feel about it, so... yeah, and maybe like- one person will know the journal, and that's it cause i can't trust anyone. And that's all folks... "I never make a promise, I don't intend to keep-- So when I say forever, Forever's what I mean..." Hahahaha, "Many Men" is my new theme song... kind of. The end. edit- I HATE COREY -wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

Hmm, so... [27 Aug 2003|10:41pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Perfect * Simple Plan ] Ahhhh SO today was the first day of school <3 weeeeeeee. :-) I thought it was going to be horrible, and I wasn't entirely wrong-- I had a nicotine fit all day, and there were wayyyyy too many freshman wondering around aimlessly, but fuck it-- whatever. My classes all own me, of course I ended up with shitty people... 1st period-- Math, ew my teacher is a whore... I've already had her once, but yeah, anyways... this class still owns because I have Brian, Andy and Jan :-) 350 squ all over again, cept not cause they all suck. 2nd period-- Intro to Art, kay Ms. Good is the coolest teacher ever, besides McVerry, and yeah the class would be great if it wasn't FULL of Freshman... er, you win some, you lose some... 3rd period-- Engilsh, hell yeah, Ms. McVerry owns me to death-- I love her so much and I KNOW I'll pass with her as a teacher <33 I'm so excited about that... and let's see, what else? Oh yeah- that class blows, I don't get along with anyone, at all... everyone in there sucks. 4th period-- Justice, Mr Silano, again... oh man. Lmfao, he is such a hater towards me, it's so funny... lmfao, but Christine's in that class, and this really hot new guy... I don't even know his name, but he's beautiful, lmfao... and yeah that's about it. So school isn't THAT bad... and um... hmm, work blows, I don't like going from sitting all day in school to sitting for 3 hours at work- but at least I'm getting paid? :\ Blah. Eep, in better news MANDY GOT HIRED THERE TOO so, she's starting Tuesday, and yay!!!! :-D At least now I won't have to deal with Keeley & Kelsey's shit by myself... so weeee to that <3 Um, in other news- well, actually, there is no other news, the end. -wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

[26 Aug 2003|08:37pm] I have nothing to say about the current situation because one of my friends is... in need of my assistance right now... Chasity, I'm here for you, okay? Ily... I just want to help... and dispite everything, i still love you all... Edit/: I guess I really should say something regarding this mess... but I find no point to comment any further... Thank you to all the people that stuck up for me, I do apprieciate it, believe me-- but it was some what wrong to make an attack without knowing everything, I know your intentions were all good, but it got too dramatic, and I apologize to everyone for it. I love you all anyways. And to anyone that does have a problem with me, I'm sorry to you guys too, because I honestly don't know how any of this situation effected you, the only people it REALLY involves is Corey and I... and Jess I suppose, just because she was "the middle man" per say, but everyone else, if you've got seperate issues with me, keep them seperate, don't just let this set everything off, it's not fair... but I guess I don't deserve an explanation, and I'll accept that. Just so everyone knows, I think I've cleared up most of this, and talked things out with whoever needed to be talked to, and from now on, no one is going to know anything, about anything-- because I'm not letting something like this happen again, ever. I've learned my lesson, and trust me-- it happened the hard way. It's not over, and it won't be for a long time, because it's going to take a long time to actually be able to trust anyone, and have them trust me... but I'm willing to work on that if you are. But from this point on, I don't want to hear about this situation ever again, from anyone-- unless of course you're one of the FEW people involved, basically that means no one cept corey and maybe jess and shay so, yeah, and that's meant in the nicest way possible. Really. So here's the end of my post... yeah, I think this just about wraps up all the lose ends. Tomorrow is the first day of school, and I'm actually not too bummed out about that, I'm really happy that I get to see all of the people that I've neglected all summer. :-) And I'm even more pysched about Math class... haha don't ask. So yeah, then I'm working 3-6... and I don't hate my job anymore, I just think the hours blow... but yeah. So there's my life right now in a nutshell... and it's not that interesting anyway? Ha... night. WAIT-- two more things, Chas-- I really am going to help you through this, I promise... you're strong, and I love you... and if you need me, you know how to reach me. And... to you... thanks for the second chance, I'm not going to fuck it up this time... -wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

`goodbye to you, goodbye to everything i thought i knew... [26 Aug 2003|08:35am] [ mood | numb ] It's at the point where all of this is just, a very fucked up situation... Jess, you deleted me, whatever. I tried to explain myself, or at least talk to you, but I guess that will never be enough... Corey, I haven't attempted to talk to you about any of this, and same goes to you Shay, but at this point I think both of you hate me, and yeah- I can't stop that either, but I still don't know exactly what happened, and I guess I never will. It's been real,I really do apprecieate everything you guys have done, and all the times you've been there for me.... and it's going to be hard missing you guys Yeah I have to work now, and after a night of hell, this is going to be impossible... :\ --||*1|-wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

`i'm not anybodys girrrrrlllll [24 Aug 2003|10:18pm] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | "I'm not Anybodys girl" * Kaci ] Let me start by saying, hi I have to update. And yeah this should be entertaining... hmmm... Okay so here it is, Sunday and I have to work at 9am tomorrow, WONDERFUL. :\ I'm sick and tired of my job already :\ All well, whatever... anyways, Friday night, I decided to go out even though I knew I'd have to be up at 7, and I really did plan on comming home early, just... eep, I met this guy and yeah... see it would be so great if I was just a little bit older cause lets just say... um... I'd be jailbait most definitely to him. :-( But he's so nice, and we really did have fun... yeah, not THAT kind of fun, but hm. Anyways, then Saturday I worked 9-6 and it was boring as fuck, like seriously it was SO SLOW I wanted to die thanks... hmm, then I went out last night and ahhh Lance was with my sister <3 haha, I haven't chilled with him since he moved to Waterbury and he's so much fun, so it was great, Lancer owns me, lmfao... anyways Bill was with us too <3 (the guy I met) and it was just awesome, but we were bored so we decided to go for a nature walk at night time, hahaha, bad idea... to make a long story short, we basically got chased out of the woods by a coyote. The end. Blah today sucked, I woke up with a fever and shit, it sucked... then all day I just felt like I suck. Like, okay that sounds dumb, but I felt like everyone and everything was against me. I hate days like that. Idk, I feel like giving up, Idk on what though :\ i can predict the future, and i DONT want that to happen Did I mention I'm pyshco? Cause I am... yeah, believe it. --||*2|-wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams... [20 Aug 2003|07:18pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | "Here without You" * 3 Doors Down ] Ugh, okay I'm only updating because God only knows when I'll actually have the time to do so again and SO much has been going on... it's nuts. Okay, where to start? Well, so far I've had two days of work, and let me just say this... I love my co-workers, they own me... I love my boss... she's so sweet! I love my breaktimes because... hi, breaks? And I hate everything else, because hi, it's confusing, hard and it SUCKS. Ugh, let me explain-- so my job is basically this- I answer the phones, right? And I say "Good morning/afternoon/evening White Flower Farm, this is Brittany how may I help you?" and then the costumer goes "Yes, I'd like to place an order"... well since the company is like, cheap asses and shit- they definitely would like, never even think of updating their systems or anything, so I work on this machine, not even a PC and it's like, super super hard to fucking find the keys and everything, and get this, there's NO mouse, so you literally have to scroll with the fucking keys and it's just a pain in the ass... IDK, all I can think about right now is- VERIFY, VERIFY, VERIFY! :-\ -has gotten that word permentaly stuck in her head forever- blah. So yeah, it's just shitty and I won't even get into anything else. So, yeah I'm talking to Corey now, which owns because I haven't talked to him in 2 days... :-) Yeah okay and wtf is Shay?!!!?!?!?!!?!?!? I miss her already... and let's see... um, Jess' internet blows today and yeah, so she called me like, right when I got home... -izzles- I love Jess :-) Oh yeah, one more thing-- I HATE HAVING A GUY LIKE ME actually I just hate JASON liking me :\ anywho- I'm off for now because I just.... hate on updating and I've bored everyone... --||*1|-wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

`My love for YOU will still be strong, after the boys of summer have gone... [19 Aug 2003|05:54am] [ mood | HAPPY :-) ] [ music | Boys Of Summer * The Ataris ] kay, so it's like, 6am and I'm updating because for the first time in like, 3 weeks, I can actually say I'm happy about stuff- rare occasion people, mark this one in the history books ;-P 1.) I got a job <333 *starts work in 3 hours, hasn't slept* 2.) I got a really really nice phone call 3.) I'm going to GET a really nice phone call later on *prays it actually happens today* 4.) My mom JUST caught me awake and she isn't screaming? :-) 5.) I love my friends, a lot- because all of them have put so much effort into making me feel better...:D 6.) Jess Pete and Mandy made me laugh most of the night. <3 7.) Corey is like, the hottest guy ever. *NOTE- everything about Corey makes me happy <3 8.) I saw Jay tonight, and we chilled, which is awesome because he's my brother that I never had <3 9.) I saw Ash :-) And I got a slushie, which owns <3 AND 10 IS THE BEST OF ALL--- I'VE BEEN DRUG FREE FOR A WEEK AND ONE DAY AND I ACTUALLY DON'T FEEL LIKE ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-) <--- see this folks? Yeah, I'm smiling :-) WEEEEEEE and Yadi and Chasity are FINALLY back, which owns me too <3 So yeah, I don't know, I have to go, I'ma lay down and think about how... :-) eep I feel right now, cause this like, never happens, <333 :-) Leave loveeeeeeeeee --||*3|-wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

:-\ [17 Aug 2003|09:35pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | The Painter * O-town ] wtf do i open my mouth? i should just keep everything inside i give up... totally. yadi's back <3 hi yadi. i miss corey, i think he needs to get online... either him or shay thanks. :-\ im sorry jess i didn't mean to piss you off :\ yeah... the end. Edit/: Just because I can do cool things like this, I'm editing... yeah I really hate everything right now, and that's no joke. I feel like everytime I write it's just another big bitch fest about something fucked up in my life... but I can't help it because this is my journal and I'm allowed to hate as much as I want... I love how everyone has faith in the fact that everything will be okay- pfft, if you really think so... more power to ya. I complain too much, and I know I do... but understand that this is how I feel...and I can't change that. So yeah, all well... I need a reality check and a bag of weed. Pfft, and to think, I thought I was strong... yeah well, being drug free isn't the answer apparently kids. and the only reason i will stay drug free is because you told me how proud you are, and THAT made me feel good... ...Don't cry, the fight ain't over, Unless you let it pass you by. I'm lookin for a song to sing, I'm lookin for a friend to borrow... New plan: I'm running away... and for anyone that thinks I'm anything less then serious, you need to get a reality check... ha, as do i I just can't let that happen... because I don't know what I'll do if the time ever comes when I have to say goodbye... i never want to say goodbye #$%@%%^&%^$!&%^& -tries not to think about it- ha, now that everyone thinks I'm pyshcotic... I never called Dan... wtf. I don't want to go there again anyway, it'll just be... bad. Yeah, all well, at least he's been helpful and stuff, but seriously, I just need to get away from my past, and he's a big part of it... so yeah, dispite how much I care about him, I'll just stay away... :\ Well, now that I've spilled my heart to Jess, yelled at Shay for disappearing and gotten the shit scared out of me by my cousin who so randomly decided to yell into my window at 1am, I'm going to go and hopefully get some sleep... or something... yeah. -wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

look at me, my depth perception must be off again- cause this hurts deeper then i thought it did... [16 Aug 2003|11:06pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | "Rest in Pieces" * Saliva ] So here I sit, on the phone with my father. Pfft- I'm so glad he makes me feel better about life. note the fucking sarcasm. I seriously need to stop fucking talking to everyone-- my parents will never understand, my friends don't want to hear what I've got to say, and I know there isn't a person in this world that wants to hear what I've seriously been thinking about all the time... :'( But what does everyone want from me? I can't control the way I feel, seriously. This post sucks, and I know it's probably just going to make everyone hate on my depression issues more... hm, good news, my mom isn't sending me to rehab/pyscho hospital- but that's only because I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out over my asshole father, and I told her how much losing one parent destroyed my life, and how bad it would be if I was without both of them, and it made her feel like shit, so yeah... that's the only good thing that's happening right now. Corey's post definitely made me feel worse- but only because he's been worried about me, him- and Jess, and yeah, I'm assuming a lot of people, because hi, I'm worried about myself, and I don't like that- I don't like the feeling of having no control, and no anything... erlk;jwqojrteoritj -lost forever- I JUST WANT TO BE OKAY AGAIN. I love you Corey, and I'm really sorry for keeping you up worrying, really... :-\ And same goes to you Jess because I know that you've been worried too... just, I don't even know... My dad's an asshole, and I seriously have come to the point of HATING him-- it's so fucked up. "Don't trust anyone" the three famous words he's always taught me... sorry dad, news flash, i dont want to grow up and be a cold hearted bastard because i dont have the courage to love anyone... fuck that. Kay, I'm going to stop before I cry myself a river really Hmmm, maybe I will run away? :-X I know exactly where I would go and no one would ever find me... :-\ But I'm scared of being alone, go figure... hmm, I'd get over that phobia quickly, I'm sure... anyways, now I really will go... I LOVE COREY AND SHAY AND JESS AND MANDY AND CHASITY AND JEN AND COURT AND ABBY AND JILL AND COURT AND ASH AND ASH AND... er... Tom, and Shelby and I think that's pretty much everyone? yeah bye. -wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

... [16 Aug 2003|12:45am] life blows. i can't update, or i'll cry a lot. i love you all, just always remember that. i'm never talking to my mom again yeah. --||*11|-wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

`hey- take me away... i wanna shout out- "take me, away, away, away, away, awayyyyyyyyy" [14 Aug 2003|02:41am] [ mood | uncomfortable ] [ music | `Punk Rock 101 - Bowling for Soup ] Gotta believe in what's real. You've gotta go with what you know- One step, I make an imprint- Two steps, it's commitment. Three steps, I'm not done yet, draw my other leg up, and the pace is set... "Today was a good day... and then I got up" blah, that's for sure... I've officially been drug free for... 4 days? Woot, seriously- to all you non-drug doing folk, that's a long time to be without it when you're seriously THAT into them... but whatever, the bad part is, as each day passes, it keeps getting harder to retain myself- but I'm doing it, and I'm doing it well... the best I can anyways. Yeah, so everything else has been kind of blah this week... actually, if I wasn't going through the shit that I am- it would have been a good week... I've been actually spending time with my friends ha, go figure- I actually have friends, lmfao, Corey and I haven't been fighting as much, I've been drug free, Dan and I FINALLY talked about everything, and oh, well what do you know, I have a job. So yeah, except I really miss Chasity already, lol, I swear if there are really peoples long lost twins, her and Jess are my better halfs- no joke. :\ Poor Jess has been having a rough week... I feel helpless in so many ways because she's been there for me when I needed her, and yeah- I LOVE YOU JESS. I finally slept over Mandy's house this week, it owned me. First, me, her and Ash went to go see "Freaky Friday"-- now granted, it was my 5th time seeing the movie, but I got to hang out with my two best friends AND watch an awesome movie not to mention we got in free :-P so it totally owned. Then Mandy and I stayed up all night talking and laughing and having fun. We ended up getting bored and taking lots and lots of porn pictures and sending them to Corey. HAHA I think he was pleased? Lmfao, meep, then we talked to Shay and that owned too... anyways... I'm really starting to miss Yadi, wtf? YADI COME HOME :-( Besides all the happy things, life comes with it's shit too. I'm really starting to hate my home life- like, seriously I've been considering moving in with my dad... granted, I can't stand him- but lately I feel like I'd rather have him to depend on then my mom. Jimmy has been such a prick for like... a week, and I'm sick of it. Just because I'm 16 doesn't mean I don't need my mom, and I feel like all he's trying to do is steal her away... it sounds stupid, but true...maybe I'll just run to Michigan and take Corey up on his offer, haha his grandpa already owns me anyways And I'm really sick of his kids... they were here for a week and literally - it was the worst week of my life. They're all selfish little fucking brats, and they're out to get me, I swear... except Ryan of course because he's 2 and doesn't know how to take advantage of people yet- plus, he's so damn cute. So, school starts in like, 2 weeks and I'm actually ALMOST excited to go back... just for the sake of having more of a life I suppose... I really miss people like Mikey, Christine, Neal, Brain, Andy... just all of them fuckers. Lol, I really hope this school year is decent though, I mean-- I need to straighten my shit out, and not just because my moms boyfriend is a prick and bitches about everything even though all his kids are failing and like to get suspended every other day but for myself... and yeah. I'm done now. Lmfao, someone leave me some sexy comments so I feel all loved and what not, kay? Kay. Edit/: Werd, 3 new hot icons thanks to Mandy <3 ::secretly wants to rape her Wiggles icon:: --||*11|-wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

... [12 Aug 2003|12:40pm] Everyone seems to be making these OOC posts about how much they hate everyone and everything... this isn't one of those. Everyone talks shit, everyone has their good days, everyone has their bad days- it's all a part of life. Everyone is different- and unique, and helpful in their own way I suppose... I don't know, I think it's taken a lot for me to finally realize how much I really depend on my friends and the people I love to help me through a hard time... If it wasn't for people like Corey and Shay- I would have had no one to completely depend on for the last month because I've been totally not myself... :-\ And I love them both more then they'll ever know, because as corny as it sounds, they've touched me *obviously not literally you pervs* in a way that no one ever has, and I don't think anyone ever will... not that I could ever compare the two of them to each other, but I want to publically thank Corey, for caring about me and worrying enough to bring my best friend into the picture... :-\ Granted, Mandy and I haven't been close at all this summer, and that's 110% my fault... :-\ I couldn't be around her like that though... it wasn't right, I love HER more then she'll ever know too, and I guess I should apologize for ever thinking I couldn't turn to her when I knew I needed help. I guess I owe a lot of you that much... The way I look at it is, you're all my friends, and I know that some of you, if not all of you are going to form an opinion about me based on what you know... everyone does it, and it's something that can't nessicerily be helped- unless you're just a biased person, which most of you aren't. I talk "shit" and I won't lie about it, but like I said, everyone does... this is turning into high school, everyone's right about that- and I don't know bout ya'll ew i used the word "ya'll" but I used to use RP as an outlet-- something to take me away from the everyday hell that I live... It's hard to sit here and try to explain myself because I think there's only 5 of you who know what I've been going through- so let me take this time to say how much I appreciate all the strength, and support- and just love that I have gotten from Corey, Mandy, Shay, Jess and Chasity... without those 5- I'd be really really lost right now... I think for the first time ever I feel like I've got some true friends... so thank you guys, you have no idea how much you mean to me. I love you all. If you're not mentioned, don't take it personally... I can only imagine how many people are going to look at this post and be like "Psht, see if I ever do anything for that bitch anymore"-- but in reality, you all mean a lot to me... I'm not the most friendly person all the time, and I've done my share of stupid shit... yet, most of you have stuck by for a while now... and as long as you keep sticking by, you're just as important to me as everyone else... yeah, this is way too emotional and I think I'm going to like- cry, if I don't stop so... yeah, the end. --||*1|-wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

I need you- save me too... [10 Aug 2003|09:59pm] There is so much I want to say right now, but number one- I'm having issues with typing, and number two- I don't want anyone to know my bussiness... I'll edit later maybe... just... yeah. And I love you Corey and Mandy, and I'm sorry for all of this. --||*2|-wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

[08 Aug 2003|07:15am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | Rockabye your bear * The Wiggles ] 7am... 7 mother fucking am and I haven't slept. I just want to say that today has literally been one of the worst days I've had in 3 years. I don't even want to get into detail, I'm tired and emo and just... no. My aunt died yesterday... R.I.P. Aunt Pat, I love you. :-( On a little bit of the brighter side, Corey came back today :\ Ya know, it's shitty- it seems like lately all we've been doing is fighting... just... it sucks, a lot. He's one of the only people that I seriously care about a lot, and maybe I just fight with him because I don't want him to get hurt... maybe im just some sort of fucking reject loser that thinks she can change the world. I just don't want anything bad to happen to any of my friends, EVER. But tonight, I was wrong, I shouldn't have said what I did, and I'm sorry. I love you Cor... Other then that, Shay and J-Unit have been entertaining me all night, which has been nice cause they both own me <3 WERD- J-Unit loves on The Wiggles, lmfao <3 yes! The Wiggles fucking own me, therefore, I own her... funny how that kind of shit works, eh? :-) Shay hates on villages and that makes her heroic in my eyes. <3 :-P -over tired- I'd love to keep rambling on and on- but Ryan just woke up, which means Brittany needs to go be a good big step sister thingy and change him, watch Rollie Pollie Ollie - then I needa make breakfast and just- blah, fucking shoot me, the end. --||*1|-wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

i dont care if you dye your hair-- [06 Aug 2003|01:48am] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | Hurricane * SC ] There are so many things I want to say right now... just don't get me started. Blah although it might not seem it- life has been crummy. Seriously, I know I've been hiding a lot of shit from everybody... I don't feel the need to share my bussiness with anyone anymore. I'm sick of being walked all over anyways, and I don't know. I've been weird lately, and only I know why. And to be fucking honest, I'm not even completely positive as to why, but I've been depressed like woah. Life has gone downhill in a matter of weeks. My aunt is finally going to go- like, within the next 24 hours, no doubt. It's shitty and I hate seeing her the way she is i'm just glad i got to say goodbye and yeah... I don't know. Someone made me think about shit tonight, and I really decided it's time for a change, a totally new Brittany. I'm sick of being depressed and shit- it's not fun anymore, it never was. And I give up on trying to please people, it's just not worth it. :\ I like to think of myself as a nice person, and if it takes being bitchy to get me some respect- it's worth it, the end. I probably should thank a lot more people then I'm going to- but especially Jess and Chasity- seriously they've both been there non stop for me, so thanks to them because I luff them, the end. and i love you Edit/:I just fucking updated and I have an edit to make. Shay I love you the end. And Corey I love you too dispite the fact that you don't believe me :\ i'm always here for you, and that's never going to change. --||*2|-wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

weeeeeeeeeeeeeee [03 Aug 2003|11:34am] IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY WEEEE WEEEE WEEEE!!! :-D:-D:-D Happy sweet sixteen to meeeeeeeeeeeeeee <33333 I love you all :) edit/: Christine- " Get it? Chucky chickened out" Brittany- "Chucky ching ching" Christine-"Call Russel" -makes hand motions- Brittany- -slow- "Whaa...?" So far my day has been shitty, but Christine just got here and my mom left $#%@#%&@^ so hi the end. <3 Mandy is commin over and the kids will be here later... for the rest of the week. Blah- my dad didn't even call fuck him Corey, Shay, Chasity, Jess and whoever else- I WANT TO TALK TO YOU, rawr :-) EDIT AGAIN!!! Weeeeeeee so my birthday was fun fun man <3 :\ I didn't talk to the two people Iwanted to talk to though :\ Anyways, I'm tired and my neck hurts because hi, I got in a car accident <3 lmao --||*5|-wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

-plays with tools- [01 Aug 2003|04:09am] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | Punk Rock 101 * Bowling for Soup ] Hmmm, kay so my last entry made everyone depressed, including me :-\ Hmmm, let's try to make this one less depressing... I went and saw my aunt tonight and she looks like death. :-( After seeing her like that, I'm almost in a fucked up kind of way glad that she's going. Only because I know it's like, not nessicerily POINTLESS for her to be alive, that would sound wrong... no it's like, I know her time is up, and she's just kind of existing right now, so it's better that she doesn't suffer. :\ It really does make me sad though... she's just one of those woman that you dread having to visit with, but then after you sit down and talk they're really not that bad... :'( Kay I'ma cry now, but screw it. I'm not open about death anymore, and it's hard... back in the day when sucide attempts were one of my favorite pastimes, it was different... now it's like the scariest thing for me. Maybe just cause I've been too close to it? I don't know, I know it's normal to hate on death, obviously... just, yikes. I don't want to think about her not being around... even though she was always bitching and nagging and stuff, lol, those are the stupid little things I'll miss about her. And the fact that she's one of the only people that ever has and will believe in me... it means a lot to me to know that someone does. :-\ I just want to her to know that it's okay to let go... :'( Sorry, I needed to get some of that out... just yeah, it's weird... I don't know I'm getting a migrain from the computer, this never happens... :\ Right now I'm in this lovely little chat with Corey and Shay... #$%#!*&(&(#$!@!@# Let me point out that I love them both a lot... there's so many good things I could say about both of them, but I won't because then everyone will want to be their friends and I don't want to share even though sharing is caring, fuck that. And just yeah, let me comment on something, recently people have been asking me stupid questions such as, "How can you be so close to people that live so far away" -refering to basically everyone reading this lmfao- Well, here's how... for example, if I didn't have Corey or Shay, or Chasity, Jess, Shelby-- any of you-- I would have been put in the looney bin by now, you're all my sanity, the end. I'm so proud of the fact that I called Shelby tonight. Hahaha, I was so incredibly amused by our conversation, seriously. I love on Shelby because we have so much in common... including our manly-ness lmfao -plays with tools, drinks beer, burps, talks about boobs- lmfao. I love Shelby <3333 Speaking of phones, lmfao my new favorite person is Chasity. Seriously her and I just-- holy shit we started talking and now she's one of the coolest people I know man :-( Chasity don't go to South Dakota!!!!!! You'll get eaten by a moutain goat and I'll cry :-( -loves on Chasity too- I miss Jess though- wtf? Jess, hi, please like randomly call me sometime cause I miss you %^@%^@$^%$@%^^^*^(^!@#!@ Kay. OH WAIT WAIT-- my grandma fucking owns me, she's considering taking Mandy and I to the Nick Carter, PLAY, LMNT, Rose Falcon, Stevie Brock, Greg Raposo-- and get this-- JESSE MCCARTNEY eep eep eep concert in Atlantic City :-D pray for me because I need to go that fucking concert, so she needs to say yes, lmfao. Kay I'm tired and sleep sounds yummy, lmfao. I love you --||*2|-wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

I'm hiding, cryin, callin out your name.... [31 Jul 2003|04:53am] [ mood | angry ] [ music | Take Me Back Home * Greg Raposo ] I can already promise you this entry will be long, but wtf it's 4:30am and I have nothing better to do because Shay has to work. :\ I had probably almost one of the worst days ever... My aunt is dying, she has been... for like 4 months, she's gone down hill... I've known this, just never really thought about her really going... and now they gave her 10 days MAYBE to live... 10 DAYS... I never realized how little time that really is. I cried, a lot. And I'm not over it... I'm still really upset about it and everything, but I can't focus on it, or I'll go crazy... :\ I'm going to come flat out and explain everything right now, fuck you if you hate me for it because I'm sick of people pretending to be my friends and pretending to care... I smoked tonight and you know what? I'm fucking glad I did it. I'm sick of doing things for other people, or NOT doing things for other people... as of right now I think I have exactly 5 awesome friends that are there for me, and I'd rather only have 5 close friends then 100 regular friends. :\ I'm not making sense, and I don't even fucking care. Mandy and I have actually spent a lot of time together lately, and it's been nice... I mean... we just always have a blast, ya know? Other then Mandy though, I've been dead to the world... I've only been talking to Shay and Corey... well, and Chasity last night, but yeah... lmfao Hi Chasity <3. Next topic- it pisses me off when I come across shallow people. Yeah, here's where I won't be too open about everything, but wtf? Seriously you kind of people piss me off and you need to learn when to just keep your fucking mouths shut. People suck so bad... ew and they're all so fucking hurtful and urg. The end. I don't know, when it comes to all this, I just want to say that I can't help the way I feel, no one can. Which is why I'm done caring when people say "Hey the kid you are in love with lives 3000 miles away" good suck a cow. It's no one's bussiness, so I'm just going to stop talking about it with everyone all together. It was my stupid fucking mistake to trust half the people I do ANYWAYS. half of you don't know what being a real friend is Lmfao, I'm never this bitchy ::is proud of my post:: ugh what the fuck ever. I'm upset okay? Just... yeah I'm really upset and I'm losing it. Thank God I've got people to depend on that care about me ::loves on the 5:: yeah... at least I have you. :\ So special thanks to- Corey, Shay, Mandy and Chasity- since you're all on my love list- you all get complimentery cookies... or something, I don't know i'm fucking tired But you've all dealt with my sad/bitchy/hyper/highness... and you own me %^#^^*&^$(*$^*($^*@$#@#$ Kay yeah so what else is new? Oh, whoop tee do- my birthday is in 4 days. Psht, it's not even that exciting anymore... i just want to get my phone call :-) yeah and I talked to Chasity on the phone for an hour or so... she's one of the 5 :-) She owns me already, weeeeeee <33333 Um, yeah and I think right about now I could use having a threesome with Corey and Shay because they make me laugh and smile and "awww" and "wee" a lot... lmfao, kay I just love them? The end. Wee, yeah and I think that's all for now... WAIT- ::hates on Sam Cunt:: ew, okay now the end. --||*9|-wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

GREGGLES [26 Jul 2003|01:46pm] GREG FUCKING ROCKED MY SOCKS!!! Let me just start by saying a couple of things... 1.) I HATE STUPID TEENY BOPPING BITCH WHORES, KTHNX. So we show up for the concert- and we're walking towards Nordstorms, you see all 15 of the girls that were already waiting get up and basically CLING to the fucking doorway like me, Ash, Mandy and my mom were the biggest fucking threat to them- kay hi, pathetic. Then, as we stand there longer, the door starts going up, but only goes half way and two guys come out just because they worked there or whatever and while everyone was bitching to them about teasing, they told us the concert was downstairs and we were smarter to wait down there, lmfao. So we went. 2.)Shoes bashing whore bags and bleach blonde bitches PISS ME OFF. As if being a teeny bopper wasn't bad enough, some of the girls were ridiculous. I won't even get into it because I don't care enough- but I'll just say that I'd rather be singing Wiggles music :-) lmfao. 3.)Kay, so this isn't a hater thing- I really liked Cori, Greg's opener person. Yeah, she was great, she's just really cute, and down to earth- you could tell from the second she started singing, yeah she was awesome lmfao, then when we eventually got to the meet and greet and we were the first people in line or whatever and we were just talking to Cori, and the other chick Erika... yeah she was nice and all, but I don't know, her music was like- blah. 4.)Are you ready for number 4? . . . GREG RAPOSO IS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL KTHNX BYE. Okay so I KNOW I don't have to go into very much detail about this or whatever, but I will. Before today I seriously didn't think about Greg as a beautiful person... but just, seriously he seems like a really great person, and he's an awesome preformer. Lmfao, okay he almost made me cry... there was this one song, and it's absolutely perfect to describe the way I feel. I love it and August 26th, you bet your ass I will have his cd. The end. 5.)There's so much more I could say-- but-- I'm done now because I just want to chill and stop having a heartattack. Lol, yeah... so... Jess owns me and I'm really glad she's been letting me vent lately, cause I've needed it, lmfao. And Shay-- Shay is the reason I fall asleep humming the Hokey Pokey and I'm not sure that's a healthy thing, lmfao but I still love her anyways and she keeps my secrets safe, so yeah. Um... and last but certainly not fucking least- EVER... I want to say that I am going to miss Corey a lot #@$^@^&%^&#%^%^& but yeah, he'll have fun :\ and it's not so bad, right? i lie, i lie, i lie ::hates on the whole idea:: Blah. But I'm so happy today and I just... I don't want to be unhappy, and I want my pictures NOW damnit. Lol. I'm going to my cousins party tonight, and I know it's going to be terrible and I'll probably be the hater of the party, but fuck it- I'll chill with my grandma, lmfao. K, so I'm just going to go now because hi, I'm tired and stuff. I LOVE YOU ALL :-* weeeeeeeeee --||*6|-wAnt JeSSe'S BeauTiFuL sOUL*||--

viewing  ::  most recent entries [ go | back ]