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[20 Jun 2003|04:39pm] |
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suprisngly nothing. my mind is blank. |
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yeah as you can tell i changed my layout. pretty patethic but i love the picture of the tree it makes me happy and i wish i was there. anywhere, but here....its been like what 2 weeks of summer and i can allready tell its going to be a summer from hell. The last couple of days i have been sleeping in..at least trying to, but only to be woken up by my mother telling me my brother wants to go to a movie. i told her thanks alot for telling me i really dont care. she said oh but your going to care cuz you are taking him. so i took him to see fast and furious. oh the next day monica wake up we are going shopping. i said NO its 9oclock im not going go without me. and she said fine then she said by the way you are taking stephen to go see hulk because he wants to see it. i said i just took him to a movie go get him a friend too. so she was convinced on doing that. then i went to the dmv. because she told me i have to go. i didnt study of course because i didnt know i was going. i waited for 2 hours and 30 minutes, to take the test and fail. i missed it by 2 questions. it was cool since they were trick questions example : when is it illegal to have a 6 year old or younger in the car a. when the keys are in the ignition b. when your with your 12 year old brother c. when the engine is on.......i put when the engine is on. that was wrong, the answer was a. okay first of all for the engine to be on the keys have to be in the ignition. what the fuck . oh weel. my day has been cool. my mom tells me to do chores while my brother play all he wants with all his friends and my mom says why dont you go call up your girlfriends. right. because my mom says i dont spend enough time with my girlfriends. then i asked her could i go to christians to hang with him and tay and she said no . i said why . she said because your not doing anything. and i said exactly i could go and do something with them . she said no . it just seems this summer she is controlling everything i do. everything i want to do. and my little brother gets everything he asks for. i asked my mom why doesnt he go do some chores and she said, oh monica because hes playing with his friends. screw that. then shes like oh yeah did you say happy birthday to your cousin i reminded you yesterrday. i said i reminded myself yesterday at 11 olcock at night and i couldnt call her shes like oh yeah well whatever. im like ill just give her a birthday present when she comes down. ( because we were planning for her to stay with me for a week) shes like right. if she comes down. i have to much to do. im not planning anything. its such crap. she makes so many promises and breaks them all . then im going on vacation. it wont be vacation because shes going to make me do everything. and she said at carlsbad my friends could come down. and now she said no because dad doesnt want it. i may be sounding selfish right now and oh i should be doing things for my mother. but you dont even know.. :-/ sometimes i hate it and im just sitting there thinking dont flip out dont flip out and i yell..ariana is on vacation but shes alive i got a postcard :) but i miss her alot. I need to do things with her and tracey this summer. they are my best girl friends and really the only ones i hang out with afterschool...i dunno my mom just wants me to be popular and to be a cheerleader.no joke. she always goes on the cheerleading website and checks up on all the cheerleaders and said oh loook your friend made jv and i said wow thats cool and shes like yeah im like why are you telling me this do you want me to be a cheerleader sorry im not. she wants me to be things im not. she wants me to have alot of girlfriends, to not have a boyfriend especially in a different city. its dumb everything that i am it feels like she just denies it... she just believes me and christian are friends. right . sometimes my moms cool. sometimes shes not. and i just know things are going to get worse over the years. cant i just move out..i swear ... 2.5 years ;) hahaha ye ye you know~~~...anyways hope you all are having a good summer. and having fun with all your sweet friends. and have a great time partying it up and getting drunk off your ass and doing drugs o m g that sounds so fun .invite me next time maybe i could get drunk and drive you home. and we c ould die. and that would be cool.... im blowing off steam sorry i guess im just dissapointed discouraged mad sad angry. all of the above...
slowly walking down the hall, faster than a cannon ball where were you when we were getting high?
yeah if you ever wanna do something with me call me up...
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| nighty night |
[20 Jun 2003|10:09pm] |
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dashboard confessionl : o |
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Tonight was rather swell. i weally wanted twacey to come over cuz we need to hang but she couldnt. sometimes parents are really chill :-/. i went and hung with gr crew in pauls pad. it was fun we watch 100 greatest songs of the past 25 years played chinese checkers guitar and violin and had a discousion about scales. sigh its fun to have little arguments. tj and paul are like my brothers its great to hang out with them. they are always there for good times.
just a song stuck in my head
You're gonna drown in the mess you make
Your self-inflicted hate
You turn your back on the friends you lose
When they don't follow all your rules
But people are what they wanna be
They're not lemmings to the sea
Maybe it's time you looked at yourself
And stop blaming life on someone else
It was so wierd, i was watching this movie ya ya sisterhood. i ...i dunno it was so wierd there was this part where the kids started throwing up and the mom was loosing control. and i hated it. i hated watching it.. i just wanted to scream i dont know i was filled with hate and my body was shaking and i couldnt watch it anymore it was horrible and i walked away from the movie...it wasnt even a scary part it just filled me with all these feelings it was horrible. i hate watching people suffer.
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