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Friday, February 1st, 2008
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8:06 pm
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everything im doin or trying isnt good enough, i dont know man...... this shits a big ass puzzle and im just tryin to find the corner pieces right now thats all...... i signed up for the army so my baby can get medical benefits and not have to struggle, i quit my construction job so i could go back to aldo's which i made a little bit more money and the hours werent that bad and less stress i supopose......i cut my hair to work at aldos again and too keep it short for when i go in the army....... i did really good on the practice test and i take the asvab test on tuesday........ this is the best option for me right now, all i have is my girl and my baby in her stomach, im soo stoked though that her cell numbers went up when she saw the doctor today....i wish i was there with her, but i ll be at her next one on feb 29........ i dont know what to say but shes my heart and i wont stop at nonthing...im just soo focused on our future right now when i should just focus on day to day with her.... but i know her bein pregnant isnt easy and wont make things easy on me..... but im tryin sooo hard right now......... hopefully her initials will be mdp
current mood:  determined
current music: The Rocket Summer.....Thats So You
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| Monday, January 28th, 2008
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8:31 pm - Cause Fate Works Both Ways
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missy is pregnant and i love her to death...... no relationship is perfect and no one is perfect....... but i know ive done wrong and i cant take back a lot of things i said or did......... her and her belly mean the world to me right now...... even if this situation with me and her decides not to work out, i would make sure im there 120percent with the baby........ the negative things going on isnt fair to the baby, because how she feels is how the baby feels...... i notice a lot that me and her carry the same emotions, but shes a little more emotional and we say things we dont mean, and when we say the right things to eachother its true love and i could just die in her arms right there forever........ i really wish i was rich or made more money so there could at least be less stress, i dont know, i think if i was i would have almost a perfect life and less to worry about and we would be a perfect relationship........ but having this baby is going to make me chase my dreams more, this is soo real and its fucking life..its going to get hard and have its ups and downs, but if i could pick anybody to have it with it would be with missy.....drinking doesnt get me anywhere and it doesnt allow me to learn from my pass.....because i started to not drink and do sooo good, but im back at square one trying to pick myself up and learn.....im goin to give myself and this girl i adore space......if absence makes the heart grow stronger then i want to know what it feels like being more in love when im already head over heels...... no girl will ever compare
a better slumber
was in your arms
spent tangled up in you
a sudden mourning
crashed in the room
with an uninvited sudden change in you
what can i say?
wheres that girl from last night
whos slept on that side
and looks just like you do?
you can sleep in your own bed tonight
sleep away a silent pain
screaming out my name
you can sleep in your own bed tonight
i hope for your sake you dont wake up
as broken as i am
for a lack of better
words to say
all i said was goodnight
once again
in self defense i wont sleep a wink
to prevent dreaming of you
you can sleep in your own bed tonight
sleep away a silent pain
screaming out my name
you can sleep in your own bed tonight
i hope for your sake you don't wake up as broken as i am
sleep in your own bed tonight
i know some day you will wake up as lonely as i am
cause fate works both ways
cause fate works both ways
cause fate works both ways
so sleep in your own bed
current mood:  calm
current music: The Starting Line.....a goodnights sleep
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| Thursday, January 3rd, 2008
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12:38 am - i have a girlfriend and a baby
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so i have a good g/f, she takes care of me a lot, i had my 21st bday since the last time i wrote in this, on oct. 21st...... had a stripper party at nelsons....it was tight.....2 days later i met this wonderfull girl name missy denizac at her work at have a nice day cafe....i think shes a really beautiful girl and knows how to take care of someone....... thanksgiving came around and it was good the usuall...... then christmas came around and it was alright.....and couple days later i went to jail then coming out found out im going to be a dad....i think were naming it Mia if its a girl and still thinking about what a boys name is...her mom and my mom know already...crazy.......my girlfriend was in the hospital last night, i stayed with her all night and next day, it was scarry, we thought we lost it then we didnt then were skeptical, but the look of things look good now...i pray all the time that nonthing bad happens to missy though
current mood: calm
current music: to whom it may concern.....underoath
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| Sunday, August 19th, 2007
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10:58 am - shibby
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havent updated this thing in like a month.... since then, lets see...... went to the hospital cause of a real bad panic attack, mixture of pills, while being intoxicated will do that to you, i thought i was dying...... i prolly would have if my friends didnt get me to the hospital in time......i went into an arrest with my heart cause i overdosed on my pills...... they had to stick this tube through my nose and suck up my stomach then had to stick charcoal down, i dont really remember what happend that night, but mike told me i fell and hit my head pretty hard on the ground, so i had to get a cat scan, my brain is still perfect.......been surfin alot too.......went to florida, i went indoor surfin too, it was awesome, its like snowboarding ...weird...... i was in jacksonville, orlando and coral springs for the most part .....visted all my family in florida.....was there for like 6 days..... came home saw the psych doctor.... gave me more medicine and what not.... was home for a day, left the next day to radford with casey and deuso.....helped mike move into his apartment.....it was funnnn....but partyed and stuff like that, usuall stuff like that, .....home now from that long 5 hour drive...gettin rest...peace out playa
current mood:  exhausted
current music: banquet....Bloc Party
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| Sunday, July 8th, 2007
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3:00 pm - NIGGER CUNT BULLSHIT... Violation of probation
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5 months later, lets violate mr pilla all of a sudden...... as soon as it came in the mail i went straight to the courthouse turned myself in..... they gave me a unsecured bond (dont have to pay)...... was there for like 5 hours, saw some guy get fucked up by cops and deputys it was funny..... other than that, im just tryin to get my life back on....and this bullshit......FUCK FUCK FUCK............... anyway, left there went to a party out kellam, it was alright........ took some dude trevor home after...... im at home now, pissed at this court decision, im just goin to chill out and have funnnn til then........ lets talk about my life right now, i have another job interview in like 6 hours right now, ill be up, im just stressin sooo badly right now, i need a girlfriend....i think i just need to get one........i will within 2 months i will be tooken, callin it........yeahh..... either random hookups or girlfriend..........GIRLFRIEND............i got tested again when i went to go see my doctor the other week..........IM SUPER CLEAN.........My DR."have you ever had unprotected sex"................Me "yes"..........Dr. "well lets get a qtip and a cup"........Me " Well what are you goin to do with those"......DR "well with the cup were goin to have to let you urine in it, and the qtip were goin to have to stick this in your penis hole".............ME " ARE YOU SERIOUS" .......DR"yes"...........ME "WHATTTTTTTTTTT"......DR"its only goin to hurt for a couple of mins".......ME"well im not doin it unless you give me anastesia".............(arguin with my dr for a bit)................. DR"Alright".............. my dick felt weird for the next couple of hours............ anyway, time to call up my lawyer tommorrow let him be a beast at what he does for me and thats that.............. after this i seriously could careless if i left virginia, im sooo over it........... im out goin to sleep til 9am.......
current mood:  crappy
current music: Brand New.....Guernica
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| Friday, June 15th, 2007
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2:16 pm - Where do i start
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me and kc met up and went to outback thinking it was open around lunch but it wasnt so we just went to cheeseburger in paradise, had crab cake minis there............then hung out with chic from granby, she just graduated, i told her i was graduating too, i lied, whatever, didnt do much, ignoring phone calls from her i guess, whats the word for that, oh yeah, ........"Getting too attached"... once you go peewee, your never goin to see.........yeah yeah whatever whatever........ went to the tides game with kc and deuso, it was alright, we got drunk before hand, and got a beer while i was there, i didnt buy it, yeah....... i actually drank tonight......... deuso caught a shirt when riptide was shootin them out, i should of caught it, but hes a tall dude....... left there, tides lost 5 to 4, to buffalo.....yeah they suck....we went to the beach later on it was shot, wack wack.........................but yeah my dreams have been weird lately, seriously, it feels like im dating someone over again, then the next day, im dating the next person over again, and i wake up like im chill, its sooooo weird, then the next day im repeating what happened last summer, im in jail then in nags head hooking up with this person, then back at home, then im in florida then im back in jail turning myself in, but at the same time its like a nightmare slash being content about the whole thing, i think i need to be back on the Celexa, that medicine helped its just i think im better than taking medicince or anything....... i dont know the way things seem when i wake up is, i just need a girl again, i just dont want one right now......im just soo use to having a girlfriend, im not use to this being single for soo long, theres really no one out there i see myself with, besides some i could see myself with..............."my life is just a black abyss, itsss soooo dark".....hahahaha, naw............ everyday at rehab i get wiser, and everyday i live i feel theres not much left for me to do besides career and family, thats just the way things are........... my oldest brother is getting married some time, my older brother has a kid, and im just chillen, waitin for the next thing to come around and when it does, im goin to quit smokin cigarettes cause i do that to much and try to settle myself.........................
"I know you know, Everything, i know you didnt mean it"
current mood: content
current music: Outta Control....50 Cent
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| Sunday, June 10th, 2007
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11:44 am - 23 years old
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Saturday........ good day, woke up and went to work in the morning it was alright, i only worked for a couple of hours cause i had to work later on that night....... ate shrimp gorgonzola at work and some foccacia bread.... left there and met up met up with dude from work so i could get some tequilla for the weekend....gurn met me up at my work so i could drop off his bottle to him..... he went to prom with hannah and jenna and lance....... i went home and ate my moms delicous food she always makes, hung out at home and talked to my niece cause she can actually talk with conversations at the age of 2, shes too smart..... went back to work around 5, dudes at work gave me something to drink so i drank, and fuckin cops roll around the back of the restaurant and see me drinking, mistake mistake mistake, so the owner comes out acting like hes going to fire me, which he doesnt, he just has to act like a bad ass when the cops are around, he just tells me to take the next couple of days off.......which was really cool cause he told the cop he was goin to fire me cause either the cop gives me the ticket or i get in trouble at work........... anyway, got off work changed and met up with blake at his crib, he scoops me up and we head towards the beach...it was filled with girls everywhere, mostly black girls, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, anyway, had a nice buzz there, blake got some girls number and we met up with them down on 81st, everyone in the car was talking about one of the girls, i was just quiet kept my peace.......so we get down there, the first thing we do is chill drink a lil......next thing you know, the girl sees me and just starts talking to me, she was good lookin......long curly brown hair, white chick.....long story short i broke my record, the title of my topic explains it, i said i was 21................ plannin on hangin out with her later on some time, shes cool, reminded me alot like someone else,.......never really did that on the beach before.......... ended that night at 4am, woke up today at 3pm, wow, late yeah, met up with blake and lance.........didnt do much for a while, then went to Jennas place down in sandbridge, met up there drank a lil, left there early to avoid bullshit later on that night, went to wal mart, lance had to get steel toe boots for his work, went to hollywood rented a movie and planin on hangin out with someone tonight.........
current mood:  complacent
current music: To Trixie and Reptile.....Chiodossss
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| Friday, June 8th, 2007
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1:15 pm - Kalfus & Nachman
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Court went really good, my lawyers the shit........ Dismissals, dropped charges to minor offenses, Dissmissals, 50 hours of community service ,hundred dollar fine and one night over the weekend in jail, compared to 2 years with a felony, thats what $4000 gets you...."Look at mr pilla right here and tell me he's a bad person, he knows he has a drinking problem with crime, but he went in on his own to do rehab, he doesnt do drugs or has violent offenses"............. still no felonies on my record or a DUI, which are some of my goals in life..... which means i can still vote and my car insurance will always stay low...and be easier to get a job later in life........... but doing stupid shit is stupid and not worth anything to me anymore, being drunk is overrated for me now, i think hurting my mom when she finds out im in jail is the worst feeling ever.... i think .02 is where i stand with drinking....... i think staying sober for 25 out of 30 days of the month makes me feel better and healthy.......... everything i did in the past i blame a lot of on alcohol but at the same time blame myself a lot more for putting myself in that situation, but I HAVE NO regrets in the past, i realize all that shit made me smarter and stronger in a good way, people might hate me but later on in life it wont matter cause all that shit was at a young age being immature, so theres no point making an ammese to someone if your just going to get negative feedback..... i dont get drunk and steal anymore, i dont drink and drive anymore, i wont drink the night before work, i wont ever come home if i drank, i wont have sex anymore if im drunk......... praying everynight and going to rehab makes me feel 20x better everyday, and i couldnt complain anymore....... anyway had a good day today, woke up went to work, ate foccacia bread, left work went straight to 81st.... met up with gurn fam, sol, dennis, nick and others, went to gurns grandmas pool, good lil sesh, went back to work for my double, closed, got home at around 11pm....... just been sittin around....... had that fettucine alfredo at work, always good....... anyway this is my journal which i write in cause i know one day im going to look back at it and say wow, i had good early years that were worth getting in trouble to correct myself for later on in life.... i dont think anybody else will ever have the experience i got to fully appreicate life now...........
current mood: exhausted
current music: Freebird, lynard skynard
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| Friday, April 27th, 2007
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1:35 am - Your my wonderwall
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4 Charges, 2 of them are class 1 misdemeanors and 2 of them are Class U Felonys...( class U means Unspecified, there idiots)
this is whats going to happen, im going to get charged with only one of these(knock on wood, hopefully just one)
-no sufficent evidence
-no sufficent evidence
-no sufficent evidence
-the fact that im in outpatient rehab will only give me little jail time
..................and my lawyer will argue shit out cause hes nasty
......the end
these are the charges that blow my life away
-conspiracy to cops giving me head
-Underage possession of cops sucking my dick
-Cop tampering while cop on knees
-grand lick dick suckers by the officer
current mood:  working
current music: Ryan Adams...... Wonderwall
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| Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
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11:11 pm - Nothing hangs over my head anymore
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just got off work, time is 11 11 right now, weird....... work was alright, had shrimp gorgonzola with angel hair, ...shit was chronic...... finished Asap Class last week, soooo stoked on that, i can actually go out of town for over a week now, my license gets off restriction in less than a month, got my brand new ticket for april 20th, almost done with paying back my dad all that court shit, im officially growing back my hair, the car runs good, im making more money than before, and i can re enroll back to tcc to get my associates sometime in business, been goin paintballin everys sunday now, past 2 sundays, . . plannin on datin again some time, hopefully someone cool....and that is fuckin hott as shit cause thats all i aim for, haha, naw, g.o , g.o ..... i think im really over the whole one night hook up thing, shits not settling for me, i smoked up last night in a long time, shit wasss ssoooo good, havent had a high like that in years, 3 years actually...... been sk8n at work , well on breaks, i just need to start sk8n again foreal foreal its like a waste of some talent on nonthing, i havent drink and drove in a bit, well before last last saturday, i had my reasons....... sometimes though i really feel i need to get out of vb sometimes for a while, like to florida or to california, i mean shit ill have a place to stay in both those areas, its just soo hard convincing myself to do that now, after going through a downhill for 5months....i think its just the people around you you dont want to leave or some things you still might have fait in........ one day its goin to happen........ "expect the worst and hope for the best"
current mood:  good
current music: My Black Dahlia.....Hollywood Undead
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| Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
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7:23 pm - you wanted philipines so i brought you binegar
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i really dont know what i can write in here today, im just really bored today, no work, no asap, no aa meetings, probably gonna go play pool later on tonight, but i work a double tomorrow so i dont know how my nights going to be......i really just cant wait for the summer to come along, it would be nice....damn time flys by soo fast at the age of 20, got 9 more months for 21, its not really going to be a big deal cause more than half of my friends are younger than me so its not going to be fun til the youngest one turns 21, or majority...or i can just get drunk with nick down at the block, lol..... my license doesnt get off restriction till april 7th, my car runs beautiful now, i want to get a new front bumper though and repaint the whole car, dont really know what color, thinking of lime green, or baby blue, just an idea.....
A242526 (7:08:58 PM): i just had surgery man
A242526 (7:09:01 PM): friday
A242526 (7:09:11 PM): they had to cut the area above my weiner open
A242526 (7:09:19 PM): cause it got an infection called cellulitus
ShredForFun (7:09:20 PM): damnnn
A242526 (7:09:29 PM): and it was a golf ball sized lump
ShredForFun (7:09:37 PM): wtff
A242526 (7:09:46 PM): it was so gross
ShredForFun (7:09:48 PM): i know your on some crucial pain killers
A242526 (7:09:49 PM): ill show you the video
A242526 (7:10:00 PM): vicoden
A242526 (7:10:01 PM): codeine
ShredForFun (7:10:25 PM): how long do you have to wait before you can start having sex
A242526 (7:10:36 PM): i tried the other day
A242526 (7:10:40 PM): and that shit hurt so bad
A242526 (7:10:55 PM): haha the bloody gause was gettin all over lindseys clit
A242526 (7:10:58 PM): i was like fuck this shit
ShredForFun (7:11:16 PM): aww helll
ShredForFun (7:11:17 PM): wtf
A242526 (7:11:26 PM): haha
A242526 (7:11:31 PM): dude lindsey lost 30 pounds
A242526 (7:11:35 PM): im so stoked
ShredForFun (7:12:03 PM): damn, i remember you sayin that on the way to longwood, "dude id be soo stoked if lindsay just like lost 30 pounds or something"
ShredForFun (7:12:10 PM): thats tight though
A242526 (7:13:06 PM): she got on weight watchers
A242526 (7:13:13 PM): she is on a point system
A242526 (7:13:18 PM): i regulate that shit too
ShredForFun (7:13:20 PM): i know what that is
A242526 (7:13:22 PM): she will be goin in my closet
A242526 (7:13:36 PM): ill be like lindsey your at 27 of your 30 points for the day
A242526 (7:13:46 PM): you can have either 2 crackers or a piece of bread
ShredForFun (7:13:52 PM): hahahaha
ShredForFun (7:13:58 PM): fuckin deps
A242526 (7:13:59 PM): brb
ShredForFun (7:13:59 PM): lol
ShredForFun (7:14:02 PM): aight
A242526 (7:14:03 PM): gotta shit
A242526 (7:31:07 PM): ok imback
ShredForFun (7:31:13 PM): damnnnnnn
ShredForFun (7:31:17 PM): long ass shit
the most random shit
current music: Voices ..... Saosin
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| Monday, February 5th, 2007
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4:01 pm - Pimpin aint easy
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i really dont know why i put that as my subject, who knows........ its been almost 4 months now at the job, shits easy..... i think as of now, i can control myself when im drunk and not do stupid shit anymore, my conciense hasnt been this clear in a long time....except calling people when im drunk, gosh i hate that..... pretty much im still scared to date someone, i dont know though, my emotions can always get the best of me, but i think if i give it a try again someday ill know what to do and what not to do, jail matured me ..... lately since my last update, ive pretty much just hung out with nelson, texas, kc, lee and deuso.... sol matt and battle i usually do when we have days off , weird...... i guess its cause they chill with teo and im really not up to hanging out with him too much, i guess if he never yelled at me or accuse me and try to put me out like that, and threaten to beat my ass...and would of been more mature about the whole bull shit situation i would be copastetic with him, but till then FUCK THAT, but im happy, my cars fixed, running great....got new license plate, Cher Boy rip, i made my parents switch to geico so i could have a little bit more money, instead of nationwide ......... actually all i do is save my money, pay my bills, and buy dvds..... here and there ill go to the store and pick out some hot appearal......this winter should be good though, im atleast gonna go snowboarding 3 times, most likely more, and i want to hit up the driving range quiet a few times cause i plan on trying to golf during the summer.........and hopefully me and the nigz can do the northcarolina thing and rent a house for a week...... cause if its like that, then i think that this will be one of the best things we've done, lets make moves......... ASAP class is almost done with , half way there.... Restriction license for 2 months here we go
current mood:  awake
current music: Jesus......Brand New
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| Thursday, November 2nd, 2006
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1:12 am - Show Me The Money
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just living a normal life, been working at Aldos for 2 weeks now...i love that place, its soo funn and i get to drink wine and eat whatever plate i want....the pay is good and i get to talk to hot hostesses and waitresses all day long.....and smoke blacks all day,lol.....halloween weekend was fun...went to partys got trashed w/ dennis ,ej, sol and some hot chic, i forget her name...... and of course people at partys always want to fight people for no reason, "Who the fuck tried giving my g/f coke", geese, avoided the bullshit and tried to leave but then one of the dudes came out and told me to stay, "the guy is just super drunk".....so me sol and ej went back inside.....other than that i was jerry maguire for halloween....it was tight, dennis was one of my clients..... seriously though im done with making out with girls, that shits sooooo 2 summers ago, i might as well stop now before i get mono or some wierd shit in my throat...but ill still have sex with girls...lol.....ahh i dont know, theres probably a few girls id make out with again, just cause i like kissing them....anyway i got a fresh cut now, my hair is buzzed....its comfortable..... anyway its november now, so turkey is coming up, that should be eventfull....get some good sleep now
So dont fly fast oh pilot can you help me... can you make this last
current mood:  amused
current music: "A"......Cartel
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| Tuesday, October 3rd, 2006
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4:08 pm - Tyler Durdin will Lie, but Peewee wont
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havent updated this thing in weeks im guessing.....since then nonthing super special happened...i went to jail for 5 days(predicted that on my blurty), went to longwood and radford one weekend with steve nick and this chic ali....then the next weekend, went to gurns on FRIDAY, partied up there, steve was really drunk, so that made things funnier, in some ways, haha.....left that SATURDAY cause of nick d having to do some community work for his job on sunday, last minute thing.....but when we got back to the beach that night we went to this party out kellam, dude Casey..... it was tight....gave someone the "first time offender status"....super drunk that night, i had court on monday and if i was going down i would go down atleast having fun....so i wake up at Caseys on a beautiful SUNDAY morning all hung over with a smile on my face, haha....then got a ride back to my car at nicks from deuso, aka kyle, went home got cleaned up, kept thinking about my court case.....it bothered me, sol comes over, we go to the piece of shit mall....sol bought a shirt, then he rocked it...Dr. Dre, the same one i bought my older brother for Christmas.....then left and picked up lil gurn, then battle, and seriously we were looking for weed for like over an hour, well i wasnt really, but they were, and for some reason, after all that driving everywhere, it just so happens we find someone in gurns neighborhood to sell them some, it was weak.....watched them niggas get high, got some contact i guess.....went home brushed the teeth, wash face, and pass out...woke up at 7 am on MONDAY, and got ready, wore a suit and a tie, combed my hair over(had to look like an innocent kid)........got to the courthouse, went and sat down with my lawyer...... he talked things over with me, he fucked with me at first thinking im going to have to do a lot of jail time....but then he was like, im just messing with you, your not going to have to do anything, there dropping it to a misdemeanor i already talked to the district attorney..........Judge "How do you Plea to this Petit Larceny" ....Lawyer "GUILTY"......Judge "So why were you stealing".......Tyler Durdin "It was just a group thing and I was just guilty by association, it was a wrong decision i made".....Judge "So what are you doing now"......Tyler Durdin "i go to school".....Judge "What school do you go to" ....Tyler Durdin "tcc"........Judge "Do you feel you learned your lesson".....Peewee"Not a day goes by that I dont regret it, and yes i did learn my lesson"........ Judge "Alright well you seem like a kid that has goals in there life and going by your record your clean....I'm going to give you 12 months of jail time and suspend all 12.....oh yeah and stay out of wal mart, your banned from there"........i was the happiest kid alive walking out that court room, i was listening to R Kelly, I can fly...in my head,lol.....and it just so happens that kids from bayside were there at the court house, haha, talked to a few people....i told everyone there i have to go to jail now for a year....hahahaha..... these pass 3 months have been the most stressful time in my life, weather it was going to "California", Florida.....everyday after 6/6/06 up until today or yesterday Oct 2, i havent been able to get a good nights sleep til now......and last night, got a ride to Dennis' new place, it was pretty nice, got drunk watched the eagles and packers game with quiet a few people.....had wings too..... left there got a ride home from brittany...she ran a red light and didnt realize til 3 secs later after i told her..... got home, got online for a bit.....talked to a hot girl online for a bit.....then the usuall brush teeth wash face ...then went to sleep...woke up happy......i get my license back next week and my mom comes back home next week from the Philippines...Stoked
current mood:  accomplished
current music: Cat and Mouse...The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
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| Tuesday, September 5th, 2006
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11:56 pm - I gotta bad feeling about this
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since ive been out, what have i been doing, not much, visited sol at cnu, partied with every gnarly since, besides dickie, hes at odu im presuming....... girls arent an issue to me, just trying to get my shit straight till that goes away, who knows, i got court tomorrow, they could give me a felony, they could drop it to a misdemeanor.....theres no telling what will happen, even though its my first conviction of a felony...... vb can throw a curve ball at me and it could hit hard, i dont know though.....my lawyer is pretty confident about my case, but thats not a gurantee, my judge could be a total dingaling........ i just got done drinking with my dad cause i could be locked up again for a bit, i wouldnt be surprised, i mean shit i got court for my second alcohol possesion on SEPTEMBER 11th, what a way to pick that day, and i could get locked up for that for a bit, 5, 10, 15 days, who knows, , i dont want a lawyer, its my second possesion and judge will just look at me as i didnt learn my lesson with alcohol being in my car...but i have to learn my lessons the hard way or else i wont learn....thats just how things work with me..... i still have the desire to go to school and get a degree......... but for the record i dont regret what i did still to this day, i do but at the same time i dont, cause if i never did it, who knows, i could be still doing it till im like 20 something years old, and its good that i got caught at a young age...... i pray everynight still since i got out.....and i dont take my conspiracy charge dissmissed and failure to appear charge dissmissed as granted, everything happens for a reason, and i know God looks at me and sees that i have a good heart, cause i mean, i only started stealing and doing other things like 3 years ago.....and before all that i was a good clean kid that never drank smoke went to my catholic church, well i think i drank...not sure, but i was a 3.3 gpa student from 6th to 10th grade,made it till 12 grade, and from then ive failed classes, dropped out of school, and became a fuck up, but its never to late to correct your self and make things right for your future........but when i look at my life, i think i took advantage of a lot of things, i mean, i grew up with a mom and dad that are still together(27years), 2 older brothers, a good family that cared about me, but expected me to go far in life cause i was the youngest and thought i would never get arrested........ i want to be something good in life, i dont want to talk about it, cause everything that i talked about or wanted to be was while i was fucking up never happened(nurse, pilot), what i want to be now is something that i know i would be good at, but i know what i want to be in life is something thats going to be my career...im gonna have to work hard for it, but it will pay off in the end.........but by spring or winter everything will be good for me and i know never to take the path i did before.......and i hope my friends wont either
my goals in life....
pay my parents back someday for my lawyer and court fees ($4500)
get an associates degree
bachelors degree
then to the other school that i dont want to talk about(dont want to jinx it)
family, beautiful wife, and a few little rascals that will ask me to teach them how to skateboard,build them a ramp, play baseball, basketball, throw the football with them, homework, anything to keep them out of trouble and away from the serious drugs,,,,,and pot as well, i hope
but in the end me and all my friends are going to be sitting around a bond fire camping talking about the things in life that we messed up at or the times when we were enjoying the young life
current mood: calm
current music: teleport a & b, the spill canvas
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| Saturday, August 26th, 2006
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1:42 am - Correctional Instutional Inmate#06-011105
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Well i guess i manned up and turned my self in, i remember leaving gurns house at 10am in the morning on the 1st of August and said bye to bryan and his mom......went home, and said..."Mom i think i want to turn my self in today"......she looked at me and said "chris your going to be fine"......and we left....went to the precinct next to the courthouse and they took me to the jail.....sat in the waiting cell for like 8 hours, soooo boring, finally i got up there, and like a dumbass i was i told the nurse i was suicidal, just to see if they could cut me a break, but that shit back fired and they put me in isolation med, shittttt suckedddd.....for 2 days straight in a room with the same lighting, pretty much naked besides a paper apron, and that ripped, so i was naked, or had it rapped around from my waist down, so i was tarazaning it......finally i made a request to talk to the nurse, and i talked to the social workers, and they got me out of that hell hole...and they put me in general population, in a misdemeanor block.....pretty much i lived minutes by the hour in there, it sucked, but once you get use to it, time goes by faster, and when you start talking to people and getting comfortable and zoning out the fact that your in jail isnt that bad...... i met soo many people in there, i got along with everyone in there pretty much......thats a good thing, cause if you dont, theyll steal your stuff..... and food is a valuable possession in jail..... they served you three times a day mon-fri......4am for breakfast, 11am for lunch and 4pm for dinner, i know it sucked, especially not eating from 4pm through 4am.....and on sat and suns, you only ate breakfast and dinner, so those days lasted the longest cause all you could think about was food......luckily when the first week went by my mom sent me money, and i bought hygiene products, so much ramon noodles , snacks and candy....my days went by a little faster cause of extra food...... i brushed my teeth atleast 4 times a day, just cause it gave me something to do, i took a shower everyday cause it gave me something to do, i read for 3 hours everyday just cause it gave me something to do, i watched tv everyday cause yeah it gave me something to do.......and i averaged 12 hours a day sleeping, in betweent times i ate and all that.......i played 3 man spades alot when i was in lock down.....i read atleast twelve 400 page books while i was in there,.....thats the most i ever read in my life......pretty much anything to get from thinking about outside life and anything to kill time was my goal everyday, and i think i succeeded a lot.......and i made and drank my own alcohol in jail, yeah i got intoxicated in jail, it was alright, it just made me think about girls alot....lol.... the alcohol was wine, and they call it mash...... i witnessed 2 ceasures, 1 fight, and 1 suicidal attempt......the guy tried to hang himself on the top walkway, right next to my room, crazy stuff...... after i was in there for about 12 days, they moved me to the Annex, it was about a half a mile from the regular jail, so they had to put me in a van and drive me there, this place was a whole lot better, i got to watch tv all day, i got to play spades all day, i got to go outside and play basketball, pretty much the block i was in, was a non violent block...... i was in a room with 16 people, the room was big enough for everyone, so everything was koshure, and everyones a little more nice over there, its like a big family...... on one of the days i did morning clean up and they let me watch anything i wanted, cause the guy that does morning clean up lets you get tv privaleges, of course people take votes on if thats what everyone wants to watch that.....and just soo happens that day when i did clean up, tbs was doing a show in australia i think, and it was on mtv2, so i turned that on, and no one didnt give me shit about it, they respected that i wanted to watch my favorite band on tv....good shit...... and before i knew it i was out........i had 3 court dates, and all 3 of the court dates were in my favor in the end......everything went as i hoped.....it was such a relief, jail hit me with a big reality check, especially when i read about half of the bible too......i prayed every night before i went to sleep.....i prayed for my family, friends and my problems, said the hail mary and our father 4 times a day as well....... and i strongly believe god responded back to me..... i never felt it more than that in my life than i did when i was in jail..... and i felt i needed to cary that kind of mentality when i get out.....and i still feel it strongly....... im not saying im never going to drink again but im not going to put my self in the situations that screwd my self over......... and a quote from the bible that i found most appealing was, "Happiness is not a reward, its a consequence"....it had me thinking for a while about that quote, but it makes sense in a lot of ways........ unfortunately though i am not done with court yet, i still have a alcohol charge court case and a grand larceny case, cause they dismissed the failure to appear and the conspiracy, so that was a big relief...cause thats what let me free......but who knows, ill probably get locked up again, depends how the judge sees things...and soo far things are working out..... hopefully i just get community service again for this alochol possesion, my second one, and hopefully i get my grand larceny dropped to a petty larceny since its my first offense and a felony is something i do not want in my life....college for me would amount to nonthing in some aspects...cause a job would be hard to find..... and i hope matt and battle dont get hit hard cause they have a stealing record under there belt.....even though i found out on my court date that all three of my friends tried to put the blame on me to the investigator...i still hope they get off easy...... everyone knew what they were doing and everyone knew what they were getting into......but other than all this stuff im happy im home.....and i took consequences to find that happiness
current mood: relieved
current music: Timberwolves in New Jersey...TBS
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| Wednesday, July 26th, 2006
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1:03 pm - catch me if you can
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pretty much right now im doing well,listening to a lot of something corporate on the way up here..... ive been here for like 3 days now.........number one rule, i dont trust people that will open there mouths to someone that will then tell them where im at......for instance dont know one talk to michele knecht about my being....cause she will tell matts mom, who matts mom will then call the cops....just stuff like that....but anyway, when i got to Florida....my brother took me out to eat at pf changs, i had the orange peel stuff and other things as well...left got to my brothers house, nice neighborhood...... took a shower, went to wal mart, lol, so i could get some razors and shaving cream, i forgot those back at the beach......went to blockbuster, but i didnt see anything i liked, so i just went home and watched jay leno, and it just so happens that there musical guest was TBS...and from right then and there, i had an epiphany....so badly.....passed out on the couch, brother woke me up, went to my room.....slept for like
12hours on 7/25.........took my usuall shower, brushed, comb hair, smoked a black.......... watched donnie darko, pretty interesting movie i guess....after that i took the beach cruiser out, it was fun, theres a neighborhood i passed by on the bike called Cypress Creek....weird i guess.....came back to the house, smoked a black, then went out to a sushi place called KOBE, i was in weak mode when i saw that.... went out with my brother and his g/f.....i had the eel roll and the volcano roll, good shit.........left there and went to universal studios, got to get in for free, cause my bros g/f works for there editing and costume design so i pretty much rode 2 rides, then i got to go see miami vice, which doesnt open until the 28th, so i was at a pretty big premier for that, the movie was awesome.......got to the house and passed out.....
7/26.......i just got off line with gurn and tatoes, and out the shower, about to go eat actually, not sure what prolly cereal, im getting my hair cut today, and yes it will be short...ill post pictures on here instead of myspace, cause cops and can look at myspace, but i doubt they know my blurty, so dont talk about blurty......im hungry, im out, not sure what i want to do yet, highly thinking of going to school here....all else fails will go to the philippines
A train crashed
And everything slows down
I was wishing I could get out of this town
These dreams we've had
Have never made you cry
And I am not a twinkle in your eye
But I've got to get out of here
Cuz you drive me up the wall
I've got to get out of here
Cuz I can't stand to fall
And If I die
see you won't be so close to me
And I won't be the one
Who sticks around
If I'm awake
see you won't go to sleep, I promise
And I won't be the one
Who lets you down
Tailgates, long talks
And your superficial friends
Shiny, silver Fords
That lead us to dead ends
And I said do you lick these salty wounds
That you, yourself condone
I sit, wait, and I'm all alone
But I can't go home
'Cause you're my home
If I die
see you won't be so close to me
And I won't be the one
Who sticks around
If I'm awake
see you won't go to sleep, I promise
And I won't be the one
Who lets you down
No, I won't let you down
No, I won't let you down
Tell me where you are tonight
And is everything alright?
Do you remember what I said,
While he's sleeping in your bed?
tell me now you Smile hard
cuz i don't smile much so far
And is he everything you need?
Is he everything I couldn't be?
Does he make everything match better?
Bring you all the shiny weather that you want
And is he everything
everything I'm not
And If I die
You won't be so close to me
And I won't be the one
Who sticks around
If I'm awake
see you won't go to sleep, I promise
And I won't be the one
Who lets you down
no, I won't let you down
no, I won't let you down
I won't let you down
I won't let you down
current mood: accomplished
current music: If i die....Something Corporate
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| Sunday, June 4th, 2006
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7:13 pm - The weekend that just past excites me for summer
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Friday......hmmm, what happened on friday.....went to go pick up gurn and load up all the stuff for the camping thing later on that night, we got to first landing camp ground, set up the tents, i left a little bit early cause i had to go take a shower, get the everclear, put my tux on, get money and buy one black, after that, i got ready put my tux on, mommy helped me.......took a picture with jaida......then went to kellys to meet up with everyone there in our group and them some.....took awesome pictures, sol pops was wilin with the camera, we left there and went to shoguns, the food there was banging, had a spicy california roll...mmmmmmmmmmm.....brought my captain too with me, put in kellys purse bag thingish like..... mixed up with some cherry coke, bangerang...sooo goood....i was drunk like 15 mins later after gulping down captains and coke..... the guy started cooking shit and he tossed a piece of chicken in the air...i missed all three of the chickens he tossed up......i was yellin jappanese like words when he was tossin the chicken, it was soooo hilarious, i was drunk, gurn was buzzin, derrick was too i think.....i bucked on the shogun menu, because it looks real nice and my rap name is shogun..haha......lets see i brought my tbs greatest hits that i made, like 18 songs up there...sooo good....jammed out to that on the way up there, sooo much funn....i was telling girls they had phat asses when we were driving on the strip in the limo....started drinking more in the limo, had some malibu and coke......the night hasnt even started....but then it did when we got to the marriot down at waterside....when me and kelly were walkin up to go check in , i loooked at the list and my name was the only one that was highlighted red....hmmmmm funny, i guess people thought i was there for other shit, stupid i guess......anyway, got my meat rollled by like 7 girls that night, it was on point...... took pictures with kelly...and like 5mins later it seemed like it ended, prolly cause i was drunk as shit, when we left it was raining so i guess the camping thing was out question to do, sucks for everyone that through in for that....... so we CDG'd it, casa del gurn.......shit was funnnn......got drunk some more and some more, and some more and some more, the rest of my night was blury after that, things went down and i smoked blacks.....fell asleep in bryans bed....woke up to krispy kremes on this nice
SATURDAY morning.......sike, it was shitty outside.....saturday saturday....fun fun shit.....me sol and battle went up to macgarthur mall and walked around about like 6pm, then left to go to watch bands at the norva, as well as graffiti gray.....good shit, there always good.......smoked blacks outside.... the ela ments were good too, hip hop thing.......left there and went to gurns to go pick up the left overs of the J J, filled it up with a team gulp and got drunk at VJs ..... shit was funny jokin evie callin her a pokemon...lol....liz kept calling me to come by kirks, so me, sol, gurn, and battle went there and had lots and lots and lots of funnn..... Girls are SOOOO Horny these days its not even funny......gurnee was doing his thing in the bushs and im pretty sure sol was doing his thing in the ping pong room and i was doing my thing of course in the guest room......soooo much funnn......alex walked in on me though and was like "Oh my god pilla i am soooo sorry, Pilla shes really pretty though(drunken alex), oh whats your name by the way"........it was soooo weak.....smoked a black there, we all left around 4am stopped at 711 and got some taquitos, guy hooked me up with an extra one for free...stoked on that.....took everyone home and called it a night......
THIS WEEKEND WAS BY FAR THE BEST OF 06 SOOOO FARRRRRRRR, yeah SOOOO FARRRR
the weekends and weekdays for summer excite me a little to much
I LOVE MY LIFE
current mood:  anxious
current music: MY BLUE HEAVEN.....TBS
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| Tuesday, May 9th, 2006
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5:05 pm - VERY MEMORABLE
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getting drunk almost every night for the past week has been exciting/fun.....matt stayed with me for like a week til he got his shit straight........ill start FRIDAY cause that was cinco de mayo, and i dont remeber how early me and matt started but it was pretty damn early, i just remeber people coming over and making like 60 glasses of margaritas that night for people, then riding with amber, kelly , evie and bryan to el parian, very very blury, but when we got there we ordered our food, then decided to order daiquiris of pina colada and shots of jose and some lime, omg, shittt was bangin that night...i was on point with everything...pretty much bryan had a lot to drink ahead of time then he took a shot at el parian and threw up....ahhhhhh....he made up for it though by payin for everyones bill....what a good friend......met back up with the rest of the gnarlys and they were high, i have to say no to grass, i mean i mighta been big on it like 3 years ago, but my stage is over with that stuff...but we all met up and went to this party that justin ronkowski was at....it was alright, pretty much sausage fest.... ran everyone there in pool, no one could touch me....i mean shit, we did ramshambo in there backyard, pretty ruthless, so was gurn......me and matt went back home and we called it a night.....
SATURDAY came along, and at like 4pm me and matt just started drinkin the rest of our handle of jose, and we got drunk and went and ate at our spot subs and more, teo met up with us...sooo banging steak and cheese.....then we decided to get 12 case of corona and some lime, teo got it for us....got home and started taking beer bongs like 3, already drunk as shittttt.....met up with the rest of the crew and we just got drunk at my place again.......smokin blacks outside and seeing these guys almost get there ass whooped by my brother and all his friends.....shit was weak.....anyway, me, teo, matt, sol and alvi went to a hotel party, and matt and sol kept bitchin about who gets to where the fuckin fur jacket of mine...i seriously thought they were gonna get in a fight for it...no joke....over a fuckin jacket....omg, matt was getting pissed and sol wouldnt give up the jacket cause he was cold and stupid hit they were both buzzin hard.....anyway got to the party, i gave it a thumbs down, should of just stayed at my place and kept drinkin corona and lime...whatever....left there at like 1am, matt took me back to my place so i could get some sleep for the big drive....so i get home and couldnt fall alseep, so i stayed up till 5am on
SUNDAY took my shower and kathy met me over at my place and we stopped got gas and got on the chesapeake bridge tunnel, it wasnt as long as i thought it was, but we drove through maryland and got to delaware, before we got on the jersey turnpike i stopped in delaware...couldnt find any fast food places so i just stopped at deli, that place was sooo grimy in the weakest way, they fuckin heated steak and cheese sub in the fuckin microwave and didnt even toast my shit, it was alright, kathy said it looked nasty so she through it away and she didnt even eat her salad....and leavin that shit deli i kid you not i saw some elvis inpersonation driving a neon, me and kathy were dead weak for like 20mins, so we got on the jersey turnpike and in no time we were at the giant stadium 12 and found a spot quick, people were tailgating and shit getting drunk......girls were giving me the eye contact and saying hi to me, kathy would hate and be like "there not even that hott pilla".....haterade...its all good though cause they were hott...and that just made me "20 times cockier" that day....but we got in and got a list of the bands and what time they played.....SERIOUSLY THIS FESTIVAL WAS THE BEST THING I EVER WENT TOO IN MY LIFE......I Saw this band called Sound the Alarm, they were pretty damn good...then i saw this band that ive seen before called 30 seconds too mars, they were tight.......we left there and got some food in Giant Stadium cause the bands were playin in there big ass parking lots......me and kathy took pictures, we forgot a fuckin camera so we used her phone to take pictues, i got this good picture of me standing in the stadium with the field behind me, soo hottt......that stadium was beautiful...... ate and went to go watch Method Man perform, that bitch was insane, hes nasty in the most hottest way though in person, he played like 12 songs...i was impressed.....then right after him, was Panic at the Disco, they were alright.....i thought they could of been better though....watch them then right after that walked right tooo Underoath and there fuckin sick too....amazing......finished watching them and saw alexis...crazy, what a small fuckin world....it was just her though and one of her friends....rachele wasnt with her, thats a first.....but then saw other bands like h.i.m...and other reall good ones......SENSES FAIL was awesome as they always are, they kick ass, the lead singer was drunk you could tell....after that show, me and kathy sat down like in the grass somewhere and for some odd reason i saw the lead singer of THE STARTING LINE and i told kathy thats the lead singer of the starting line, and know one there didnt even know that was him, i mean, it was like 5000 people deep there but come on now...i guess i must love the starting line though alot, kathy was like who are they, i was like "the band that sings bed room talk and surprise surprise" she was like omg i have to get his autograph, i was like nooo i am, i saw him, and i got his autograph on my hurley hatt, STOKEDDD....and i had a one on one conversation with him for like a good 15 minutes...it was like the high light of my whole weekend, i swear to god.....we just talked about how i went and saw him in norfolk and how he loves the norva and how there making a new album already and how he hates touring with fall out boy, lol......but i was stoked and called bryan right after that....... then AFI gets on and they were like my top 3 seeing in person performing, the guy was gnarly man, yeah i can use gnarly for there performance cause it was.......THEN FINALLY AT LIKE 845 at night TAKING BACK SUNDAY CAME ON AND DID AN AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING JOB, COULDNT ASK FOR ANYTHING MORE, THEY PLAYED EVERY SONG I WANTED THEM TOO BESIDES MIAMI AND TWENTY TWENTY SURGERY, left at like 10pm and couldnt make the whole drive home so i left kathy drive the rest when i was in Delaware, we played the letter game and eventually i passed out and woke up at the toll......this girl payed everythng for me there, gas, tolls, food ect....she spent over $75 dollars on me easily....kathys great.....and today is tuesday, yesterday just chilled with sol, and today i dont know what i want to do....but that weekend was very memorable
current mood: ecstatic
current music: Twenty Twenty Surgery, Taking Back Sunday
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| Saturday, April 8th, 2006
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7:47 pm - shiiitttt
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Thursday was a chill day, i had work at 11, till 430, did that, it was easy.....went home did school work......
Got trashed at gurns party, got some coastal edge in me now, hahaha, ____ her brains out.......ummm came back down stairs saw my trophy wife, (kathy), wanted to makeout with her again, but i was tired by then so i just chilled and went home at like 2am, Evan Williams hit the spot....All my friends were there, awesome shit, and everyone elses mom
Friday came along, went into work at 2, saw a lot of girls i knew and talked too, like kristen jennings and lauren ricapito, other people too, but not as hot as them.....got off at 7.....then off too longwood with bryan, we got caught up car still on the bridge, before the tunnel for like a hour long not moving at all, it was chill though, cause i got to smoke a black and look out on the water.....anyway after that we went and picked up sol and kevin at cnu, and went to longwood now, we got there fairly fast, like around 11pm, took a bit to find the field party, but when we did we were stoked, cause we got in for free, and everyone else was drunkkkk......and we got drunk as well 30mins later, left there and went to the dorms and stayed with these chicks from kempsvill high but went to longwood, it was chill, but we left at 5am, and headed back, gurn got a ticket, shit sucked, i was sleeping though, with the shotdizzle......anyway get home, pass the fuck out, wake up, shower then apply for a loan to get some more credit, so i can wind up buyin things at an early age...anyway, its 8pm, saturday night, feelin like doing something, thats whats hood
current mood:  artistic
current music: Say Days Ago.....The Used
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