angry at the world ;/   
06:31pm 08/05/2003
 
mood: bitchy
music: SILENCE!
what a f*ing day man.. i realllllllllllllllllllllllly hate just about everyone.. 1st off,...grr.. ive been dateing steven for 5 months now... i get to see him ouytside of school maybe twice a week and then once on the weekend..and i hate it..i really wanna see him alot more.. most of my friends most people who have relationships..see their b/f's/g/f's everyday.. and i really wanna hang out with him tomorrow but hes going out with his friends...so there is another friday night im in the house.. GREAT...saturday i doubt ill see him cuz hes prolly gunna go with jen and everyone out to dans lil get to gettogether lil birthday thing.. and sundays god i hate sundays.. so who cares...anyways that just gets to me cuz id really like to see him more than i do...5mins in school isnt enough,it never has been...but i mean i deal cuz i love him and i mean every second of his time is worth my life.. hes my evetrything.. but i wish i could see him all the time.;[.. 2nd sara has gonerea and shes mad cuz everyone knows and her and her lil butt buddy amanda like to place the blame on everyone but themseleves so there gos another friend completely out of veiw...oh well.. i dont care anymore.. another thing ive been iming savena and she dosent seem to want to talk to me and i wanna know if she meant Scott in her journal cuz if she did then i mean she dont have to not say it cuz of me.. if im right about this...i mean i hate him...hes worthless and he will never be anything so im not wasting my time i have the best thing anyone could ever ask for and im sooooooo mad that i spent my time crying over that lil bytch..he is shyt on my mans shoe now..cuz steven is and has been since the day i met him my heart and i will never ever say diffrent of me...but scott is history... so its w/e... im so depressed and i wish steven would actually talk to me cuz he is the only one who can brighten me up..but im out.. pz
 
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i love steven    
10:14pm 07/05/2003
 
mood: ecstatic
i really need to update but i have so much crap to do tonight so i will tomorrow after school...love ya <3

*i think that when you love somebody so much you have to be numb to it b/c if you arent it would kill you*


steven...you are my everything..i really hope you know that.. my EVERYTHING!...i love you so much baby!
always and forever beyond death
 
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If you can see the beauty in ones soul...it will shine through to their face   
04:56pm 28/04/2003
 
mood: creative
music: Orgy *platnuim*
ahhhh i dont feel like writing in this thing but oh well i will anyway.i got suspended today for *threatening* the lil girl christina in my allied health class and omg they wanted to expell me for it at 1st. i hate that school and everyone wonders why im not coming back next year. ha! well steven didnt get to come over today like he was supposed to cuz of my suspention.blah! that upset me more than anything. i mean suspend me all you want but dont take my time i spend with steven away. so tomorrow i will be doing nothing at all. i need to clean my room i may do that tonight and tomorrow cuz its gunna take awhile that is awful!..hehe ohhh yeah i have pink hair ! it is omg sooooooo cute! i love it..steve liked it better than the blonde he was in love with hehe.. everyone said they miss black though...it will be black so enough though. most deff. steven went out with his brother to get shyt. ugh i wanna talk to him. hehe. hes soooo adorable. he was extra nice today it was all so cute.. i love him hehe..well i suppose imma get off here and do something and start on my room... later days.

i love this song :

You and I should get away for awhile
I just want to be alone with your smile
Buy some candy and cigarettes and we'll get in my car
We'll blast the stereo and we'll drive to Madagascar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Because when I'm with you there's nothing I wouldn't do
I just want to be your only one
I'm grasping out at straws thinking back to what I saw
That night on the floor when we were all alone

*****i love steven micheal forever and for always******
 
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noone believes in love untill they find it.   
12:07am 27/04/2003
 
mood: calm
music: my sisters movie
what a F*ing day...i woke up this morning at 11 and at 12 went to the hair cuttery to get my hair fixed(i had a bleaching disaster lastnight *scream*).well i get there at 1 and i left at 4:45.long time! hehe and i wanted to see my baby today.;[ so i get home and i call him and we talked for a while on and off. so then he gets a call arounf 6:30 from jen and asked if he wanted to come out and he asked if i could go..so im talking to him and i was crying about my hair cuz it was all falling out and shyt and his sister was saying i should get my money back and she was all yelling about and they told me to come over so that they could see it. and i went over there and to my surprise they said it wasnt that bad and that all i need to do is keep it deep conditioned and shyt;]~! steve said i look sexy blonde....but i have to go pink ive been waiting forever!...sorry baby...oh i had so much fun. steve keep calling me and jen twinz...hehe...oh yeah. tiff who i didnt care to much for b4 tonight cuz she got smart with me b4...said that i sound good when i sing...wo0pers that makes me happy. i hope my baby dont have to go to p.a. tomorrow i wanna hang out with him....bt if not maybe he can come over monday or something cuz i wanna cuddle and monday we can have sex cuz no dad or sissy...hehe,....welps im off...tata.
 
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a reason worth living * ilovemysteven*   
01:10am 20/04/2003
 
mood: grateful
music: Tom Petty *Wildflowers*
what a day. my feet hurt soooo bad. i woke up at 12 and was like *oh crap! tiffianys birthday party* and i jumped on the internet real fast,walter said it starts at 1 and i was like ok and i got off to get in the shower but got a lil caught up with talking to my sister and kevin and i called steve and asked if he was going to go and he said that his mom and dad werent there and that he would ask when they got there and i ate and got off the phone with him and then got a shower and headed to walters...i hung out there with him and his family for a lil while. ahhh i love his grandpop. i said i was fat and he said that it was horse monore. lol awwiez and then me and walter and steph all headed up to steve's to get him out of the house. lord knows he can always use some of that. poor baby. i love him so much. we went to the mall and then walked back to steves and his comp was all fucked up and he was getting pissed i mean this was beyond pissed. and after about a half hour of yelling all he was like i gotta leave and we left and he sorta yelled at me cuz i was tryna grab his arm and hold his hand and try to get him to be happy. but then we didnt talk for a good 20 mins. then we got kfc and came back to my house.we were all chilling around having fun walked to the park and to 7-11 and hung out and cuddled on my bed and watched tv. i think stephanie and walter are getting closer. they deserve eachother they are soooo cute. i love them both..my brother and my sister all happy together...ew that sorta sounds like incest but lol..anywayz. steve told me a couple of mins ago that he dunno what he would do if he didnt me to talk to abouyt shyt when his life is getting really bad. and omg i mean lil things like that give me one more lil thing to live for each day i wake up and feel like killing myself. im so happy i found my reason *tears* before me and stevn broke up last time he had this thing in his sub profile to me on aim that said something about finding his reason for living and it was me awwwww omg *tears* i love him so much. i need him to0. i mean people say dont let someone become your everything because when they leave you, your left with nothing, and i say..he is my everything and if he leaves me my everything will be the memories i shared with him because if i cant have him ill be single for the rest of my life. i swear that will happen. he could dump me tomorrow and i will grow old with myself and my adopted children. i wont love anyone as much as i do him and i have my souldmate and thats all ill ever want is him. i love everything about him to peices. and his flaws...i dont even know any of them because i think even the weird or bad things about him make me that much more in love with him.babydoll. i love you. i always have and i always will. since that first day i met you in December i knew you were my forever. i dont know what i would do without love. but i wouldnt be the same person i am today without you.
man i feel so bad for my sisters b.f. hes kicked out with no where to go. and no family to spend easter with. im hate this crap man. people need to learn how to treat their kids. no wonder most teens are into drugs and sex cuz they have no one to tell them what and whatnot to do. ;[...
 
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*i barley pulled up with my hina...i know tonight ill be behind her*   
12:13am 19/04/2003
 
mood: loved
music: Sublime *waiting for my ruca*
;]! today was blissfull..i spent my day with my steven. the way i love to spend my days..in his arms.in his company, with him thats where i was meant to be and thats where i love to be. i just adore that boy so frickin much. i dunno how i got such a prize but i did and i swear its gunna stay that way.hehe. oh my did we have some of the best sex today. sorry that was a lil blunt but omfg! if you were in my place you would say the same thing. im still in shock, hes my energizer bunny *rofl*. then we cuddled all night on my bed so imma go to bed tonight and smell him all over my bed. ahhh its gunna be great. im listening to some sublime. they are great. its so sad that people in show biz dont see the trend of rock and roll tradgedy...sex drugs and rock and roll. whats up with that. everyone has to do the drugs. not soft drugs but like meth and heroin. there is noooooooo need for that at all. well atleast thats what i think. im hoping steven gets to go to walters tomorrow i really want him to be there cuz imma be jealous watching walter and steph. hehe. welps i dont really have much to talk about im just sitting here thinking about my baby's smile and how great imma sleep tonight thinking about him. im so tired. till tomorrow...to0dles
 
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*where were you while we were getting high?*   
09:23pm 17/04/2003
 
mood: bored
music: Guns and Roses * November Rain* and The Cranberries *Zombie*
im soooo bored, ive been online for an hour now and have done nothing. i havent really talked to anyone either. but oh well. i was on the phone with steven before i got online and tell me why everytime im not there his brother always comes over,id really love to meet him cuz i adore and love his family so much and why not meet another memeber and thats his brother so yeah i would love to meet him and i never can ;[ *tears* im sure ill meet him some day soon. my stephanie left to go to confession, and savena is doing her hair so i get to talk to my stupid journal. haha. oh i love guns and roses. november rain is one of my all time favorite songs. i love it. i reember when i was little and my aunts would sing this with me and i would cry just because it was so pretty and it touched me even when i was a kid. the good ol'days. i miss being young. no worries and no cares! now its so much diffrent. ahhh the cranberries. i love them to0. i love old music i swear! this new age shyt does nothing for me. well most of it. we need to appreciate the old shyt. hehe. even really old,the 60's and 70's to0. they were great years for musical expression. hehe. i dunno. ive been thinking alot lately about future plans and shyt and i so desspretley wanna be famous, and singer or an actress. mostly wanna be a singer but i derno dosent everyone and whos to say ill make it ? but im hopefull. i just need to really start to get focused on what i want. and i think im set so imma put it to the petal and jump for it. oh yeah. for easter imma get my hair dyed pink with black streaks but imma get it done professionally b/c this semi perminate shyt isnt working for me anymore.lol and black gets old. hehe. welps im off. l8er xoxox
 
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this is my heart....   
05:00pm 17/04/2003
 
mood: content
music: AFI..and the thought in my mind.
i owe stephanie a lil something so i thought id write it now while im online and she just said how i was a great friend and she wouldnt know where she would be without me wich made me feel extra special so i thought i would wrie this to her:
stephanie. your my heart. you've been the realiest person sicne day one. its like im stuck in a flash back,like its exactly how it was back in elementry school, me and you best of friends. and im so happy i couldnt ask for a better friend than you. your so awesome love and you mean the world to me. i can tell you anything and everything and im so glad that i have someone i can trust with all my deepest shyt. plus your such a trip to hang out with. i mean come on now...what more could someone ask for? if it werent for you i derno how i would have gotten through some of my hardest times. such as that week breakup me and steve had. omg. you were there every step of the way, just telling me * its all gunna get better yall are meant for eachother* and that gave me all the hope i needed. and when my old best friend turned shady on me you were right there. no questions ask. your so awesome and im so thankful for ya. and im only hard on ya cuz i want you life to be great and i dont want you to mess anything up for ya. you deserve to be happy and i hope you really truley are. i love you to death girl always ;]! xoxox
 
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*feel your hollow voice rushing into me...as your longing to sing*   
04:24pm 17/04/2003
 
mood: energetic
music: AFI *sing the sorrow cd*
what a day. ;] today is my lazy day. usally im out walking around,cleaning, doing something with someone but not today. its a day for rest. my leg is killing me,walter kicked me in it lastnight when we were wrestling in his yard and i have a huge bruise and it hurts soooooo bad :[!....alicia's b/f got kicked out of his house and hes been here all day, hes awesome though!...im listening to his AFI cd. hehe. i like em' they are very good. hehe AFI are like kevins idols.hehe.wo0p steven is coming over tomorrow. i cant wait. its been like a week since hes been here.hehe. my house is boring though...i understand why he wouldnt wanna come over. sike ;X. i need some black braclets. i only have one cuz i gave my other black one to steven. hehe. i want a whole buch of them. well want in one hand spit in the other. im not getting anything right now. i never got mad at the fact that angie totally swiped my old sn b4 but today when steph was saying stuff about it i got pretty mad. i mean come on now. cant you use your own bain?!?!...or do you lack in that department? awwiez Jen is picking me and steve up tomorrow and taking us out. shes so awesome.i cant wait. i never really get to talk to her but in the hallway for 5 seconds a day. so hopefully ill get to know her a lil better. hehe. and we are going to the NothingFace show. wo0pers. how awesome. hehe.. we get to meet them at RATT b4 the show to0. hehe ;] cant wait. keith comes to bmore next wednesday. hehe. cant wait to meet him either. haha. welps imma cut this off and talk to my baby.tata xoxo

nina*and*steven..always! :]
 
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*turn your lights down low.....*   
12:50am 17/04/2003
 
mood: dorky
music: none b/c my sister has to watch a dumb movie :[
wo0pers.i had a blast today. what i thought was going the most borning day of my break turned around into something great. after steven and walter(stan) came home me and steph met eachother half way and went over to stans to hang out with our men. awwiez. we got there and my steven was all upset thanx to his daymn family. i swear when he turns 18 and moves out ...waits a year and then moves out of state with me they are gunna wish they treated his ass a lil better. i mean i love his family to death omg! i would die for anyone of them even the ones i havent met cuz im sure they are as great as the ones i do know. but i mean they run him like a dog. if something is broke steve fixes it (well tries to HAHAH) if someone needs their ass kissed he kisses it..i mean its retarded, as if everyone else dont have arms and legs and a breain to do shit their own daymn selves. i love him family i hope it dosent sound as if i dont...but i just hate to see him upset, he was doing so well not taking his medicine and handleing his problems without any help. but he had to take it today. i hope shyt gets easier for him,i really do...cuz one day its gunna set him overboard and hes gunna POP~! and go off like a nutcase sereal murder and i need him wayyyyyyyy to much to let that shyt happen. so on another note. steph is here. shes staying the night tonight. yay yay! i love my stephy wo0p wo0p poo poo smelly pantz. shes so sexi..im so temped to turn around and stick my tongue down her throat. lol anyone remeber the other night in stans basement?? sike im only playing...i did love that though. i have to write her a whole journal entry all about my stephy. so i will do that tomorrow morning cuz im done with this one for now. im off to see the wizard,la la la la la

nina celeste and steven micheal ****always and forever****.......yeah thats right..ALWAYS and FOREVER~! back off ladies......
 
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*and the days went by...like vapor in the wind..*   
02:44pm 16/04/2003
 
mood: accomplished
music: Tom Petty *everything change*&* wildflowers*
i told steve about 2 weeks ago that i didnt want a online journal anymore. but i decided to change my mind and make a new one b/c i hate not expressing what i want. i had a normal pen and paper journal...but that only gets so old. and im always online so it makes sense to have one on here where i can express myself and type to my friends while doing that. hehe. this spring break has been overly boring! i mean its great cuz i got to spend lots of time with steven and steph and stan and bomd with all my frineds...but i mean we do nothing really exciteing. i need a job. i have no money. and i had being broke there are so many thing i want, yet cant have b/c im broke. i wrote steven a poem lastnight,he has yet to read it. i cant wait to hear what he has to say about it. hes so nice about the things i say, always thanking me and saying how great i am it makes me feel so special. i need a shower. i smell all funky..haha...welps all my friends have someone special now. im so happy! see i mean yeah ive been happy with steven for 4 and a half months now..and omg its great but for the longest time i felt bad expressing how happy i was due to the fact that everyone around me were single and lonley,and all i could do was tell them that they will find someone soon and that being happy is an amazing feeling,and now i can be open and express how i feel and how great being in a relationship is b/c everyone around me is happy and involved. stan and stephs 2 weeks is tomorrow. hehe that has to be a match made in heaven cuz ive never seen a cuter couple. Savena and Ric made it offical yesterday *yay* my big sister is all happy. im so glad...shes such an amazing person and i was such an ignorant lil bia to judge her before. shes always been an icon to me. ive looked up to her since the 1st time i talked to her last july. and then shyt went downhill and now im so happy i have her in my life. i mean yeah i dont see her due to the fact shes all the way in Dc and i dont drive and neither does she...but hopefully after she moves i can see her alot more. i cant wait to just hang out with her in person and get to know her even better. shes deserves someone like Ric. hes a great guy. ive never talked to him but i see they way he talks to her and treats her...and its great.shes had to many aszholes in her life,she needs somone who she can love and be in love with. not someone who is going to over see this amazeingly beautiful soul and use her for the title and for show. and i swear ill beat his asz if he hurts her. im so greatful for the people in my life man. all my friends mean the world to me, they are so awesome. i derno what i would do w/o them. i wish steph would get back on. *yawn* welps i have cleaning to get done and i need to shower. ...ill write you another book later. to0dles xoxo


Steven & Nina *Always and Forever*
 
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