god lives!!!!   
12:08pm 16/07/2003
  both of my idols in one place at the same time
courtney love and kelly osbourne
next tuesday at 10:30pm
on MTV
 
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are we in love? do we deserve to bare the shame of this whole world?   
11:12am 16/07/2003
 
mood: tired
music: Weezer*across the sea*//T.A.T.U *stars*
well i got to leave lastnight.Wo0pers! Bryan came and got me at like 7. i only stayed out until 9:30 though because we had went driving around and while we were around he started to get a migraine and he was in so much pain. i felt so bad. im worry so much about people its crazy i was seriously like *omg what can i do,do you need meds?)and he was saying how he gets them all the time and how nothing helps them so im making his lil ass go and see a doctor sometime soon. if not imma talk to his mother and she'll make him ;]!i hope i can go out again tonight i had fun lastnight.well i cant wait for the weekend to come cuz then i can stay out all late cuz my dad is weird about me going out real late cuz he has to work and he'll stay up waiting for me. hes a freak and as been really pissing me off lately but its ok because my aunt sandie is to speak with him soon about all this. well iam off i thought i would have more to right but i cant get to in depth with myself this early so ill save it till later. xoxo
 
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05:11pm 15/07/2003
  So I guess this is where I tell you what I learned - my conclusion, right? Well, my conclusion is: Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it.

-Danny Vineyard, American History X
 
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all the mistakes that one life can take...   
04:45pm 15/07/2003
 
mood: frustrated
music: Staind *so far away*
seriously im on the verge of leaving and never coming back to this house. for the past week me and my father have been fighting on and off about things,hes so uptight about certin things and i cant take it anymore. id rather him keep me in this house and be pushished then to sit and let his words be said without mine being said as well. and just 3 minutes ago,i was trying to tell my dad about how music effects me and asking if it does the same to him and during my 10 minute long conversation with him..well his body..he wasnt even listening to me. i hate being ignored and my sister,as well as my father have been ignoring me for days now. so im done im not even going to try to talk to them. on another note, i went running today. and it felt so good,to run and run and not get anywhere but its a form of release for me. well i wonder if i am to see bryan tonight. i hope so i havent seen him since saturday ;[...well im off


the only thing prettier ive seen in this lifetime than the angel that comes to me in my dreams, was that first time i saw your face....against the starlit night. I could only shed a tear knowing ill never have you. but until that day...


jonathan wrote that for me lastnight ;]!!
 
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booya grandma...booya!   
12:03pm 14/07/2003
 
mood: blank
music: staind *so far away*//audioslave*i am the highway*//G&R
most poelpe dont get me at all. everyone thinks im so self absorebed and thats why i hate people well let me tell you right now that that has nothing to do with the reason i hate people. most people take the fact that they have friends who may not agree with them yet even try to get others to back off them because they've been in that situation for granted and then thats what fucks them over in the end. see im prolly one of the best people to have on your side through everything. ill fight to the death for the people i care about and love,ill give my everything untill they are happy,ill sacrafise my good time so that they will enjoy themselves,ill do anything in my power to make them smile when they are sad,lie,cheat,steal...anything for my friends/family. but once you become so critical that you see my comment as a threat you need fucking help. and thats where ill leave that one at....and i wish you the bets in life because i have totally scratched you from mine.....


sorry just had to let that one air out a lil. i never talked to jen lastnight neither did bryan. so i suppose that i will have to wait AHWILE for my answers..hehe since she works so much its crazy.but its ok,im hopeing i get to see him tonight. not sure as to what hes planing to do with his monday night. hopefully spend it with me but if not then me and stephanie will deff be seeing eachother.;]! Montel Williams rox ! he just had a show on about teens and the depths of their relationships and how most lead to suicide. the people he chooses to put on that show have it down pact. they do great casting for the show. all the girls/parents/boys on there actually understood how to be a teen and things. i cant stop listening to this audioslave cd. it reminds me of 4th of july night ;]. such a great night. well until i had to go home,drunk...and play it off as though i was sober. lol! i need to shower. well im off to wait for bryan to get home for lunch,talk to him and then off to shower.. pense de mou
 
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my lil list..   
12:08am 14/07/2003
 
mood: chipper
music: Audioslave *i am the highway*
good news....
*talked to bryan ;]
*im happy
*ive got awesome music
bad news....
*rias journal has pissed stephanie off
*jen hasn't been home/talked to bry
*im bored
*havent spoken to my sista savena ;[


im on cloud nine right now.happy happy happy ;] and i have not a reason in my mind as to why. but why find reason in it. just suck it up and make the most of it.i got to speak to bryan for awhile tonight. hes been sitting on the couch all day. that would explain my unanswered phone calls,they werent to him anyways,but its always great to hear his voice.oh well.i got to type to him..hehe...i asked if he thought i was a bitch..because to some extent i think i have been,but then again..hes only seen my good side ;]! cuz hes my sweetness,i couldnt be mean to him. so he continued and said that he couldnt see me as being a bitch....now you tell me if he dosent know shit about me or not. hehe...he cracks me up. well imma wait to hear from jen and my sista just signed on. soo0...later...
 
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these are my words.....   
09:28pm 13/07/2003
 
mood: depressed
music: audioslave *i am the highway*//staind *so far away*
ive been seeking a release from these thought all day and now i finally have time to actually let them go,blissfull. i saw my stephanie today and talked to my jen. told you i would do it by monday ;]! stephanie and i went to record and tape traders and i bought the Audioslave cd. oh they are awesome!!! tom morello is a guitar god and chris cornell's vocals remind me of the pain that i felt in kurt cobains.they are one of those bands that you can relate to in someway or another.Stephanie burnt me a cd as well. with the Staind song *so far away* on it. im listening to it right now as a matter of fact. im getting depressed,but in a diffrent way tonight. well actually i think that i have been sort of depressed all day,although stephanie can always make me smile when i dont want to. i just dont feel right today. i saw pirates of the carribean lastnight with bryan. oh it was such a great movie. ive never been more attracted to johnny depp in my life.hehe. him in eyeliner*melts* got home at 1:30. my dad bitched me out big time. im really not worried about it because hes gunna hear a shit load from my aunt sandie;] i havent spoke to bryan all day. im sure i will before the nights over and if not then tomorrow during his lunch break. i miss hanging out with stephanie all the time. i really hate not seeing her everyday as i did during school. hes so pretty. she looks alot diffrent,cant put my finger on why,but she does. i need to sing more. my cords arent in shape at all. and im supposed to sing with keith when he comes to town in august.eeek! jen is extremely upset with rias journal entry about how fucked up she is for doing whatever she did to steven as she put it. jen as well as most people hate when people dont say things to her face. i dont blame her due to the fact maris dosent know her at all.

anyways........
k
my mind has been drifting all day. i just cant stop from thinking about things and im driving myself insaine. like i keep thinking about mistakes ive made,my future and its just putting me in this state of depression where all i wat to do is cry and chop my head off so i cant think anymore.i cant wait to hear from jen tonight. shes calling me back after she talks to bryan to find some things out for me. what an angel. thats another thing ive been thinking about...him...and what he wants from me...how he feels for me...why he feels this way for me...just questions every girl needs to know before she attemps to go the extra mile for that someone. and no im not going to be with him right now...i said i need alone time and thats what i have. i just want to be there for him and i wanna be the one he cares about before we make it anything more. just had to clear that up for all the lil gossip junkies so involved in my life they cant see 2 feet infront of them. well i suppose i will write when jen tells me the answers to my questions...until then....
 
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stars fall...   
06:31pm 12/07/2003
 
mood: confused
music: afi
well its been a few days and ive had alot happen since. i wont get into anything to deep,due to the people who read this journal and dwell off of the events happening in my life.(sad sad people)...anywayz. i had something strange happen lastnight..while bryan and i were on a ride home from towson,the new staind song*so far away* came on the radio. and i havent been depressed in a week but during this song i looked up to the moon and i had the weirdest feeling come over me. every thing around was blocked from my mind besides the faint sound of the radio and bryans voice singing this song and i couldnt take my eyes off of the moon. i was just replaying past events that made me sad and i felt the knot come up into my throat and i felt the tears building up,i removed bryans hand from mine and i lit up a ciggerete and just smiled to hold back the tears. no words, just silence and my thoughs..music has such a great impact on me.its unreal,ive been re-playing that in my mind all day and i still have no explaination to it. i cant wait to see him today. i really need to talk to jennifer and see stephanie,things will all be well soon. cant do everything today,but i will try before monday. my hotness is on. and im going to chat with him for awhile.
 
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*you* are the ultimate temptaion..   
03:08pm 08/07/2003
 
mood: ecstatic
music: staind *empathy*
i dunno why im even writting in this anymore. cuz i really dont want people in my buisness now that i have things going through my mind that people would just love to judge me on. i really dont care. what i do is my buisness and what i think and who im with his my buisness. got it ? well this is the last entry until the next chapter maybe i will write some more just not anytime soon... heheh.. im going out with bryan again tonight im supposed to stay the night there and get hammered we will see what happends.i had an awesome night lastnight though.but time to go and do make up and get all pretty..he gets off of work soon. ciao
 
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*when i stare into your eyes they burn into me and i have no words left to say anything*   
12:04pm 07/07/2003
 
mood: horny
music: none..just the song in my head..lyrics on the page..hehe
Pearls of swine bereft of me
Long and weary my road has been
I was lost in the cities
Alone in the hills
No sorrow or pity for the leaving I feel

I am not your rolling wheels
I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride
I am the sky

Friends and liars don't wait for me
I'll get on by myself
I put millions of miles
Under my heels
And still too close to you I feel

-------------------------------------------------


well im bored. its 12 in the afternoon and im sitting here ive been awake since 9,went to bed at 4 something. ugh yeah.well me and steven are broken up. im not quit sure wether to call it a break-up or a break-up together thing cuz i just want alone time to myself to do what i want to do and to truely make myself happy.and i want him to do the same. i cant get this song outta my head. lord.i talked to savena for hours lastnight about feeling about mine and stevens situation why i dumped him and all sorts of things and she just makes me feel alot better about something the way she puts it into perspective. stephanie has been the ultimate help as well. shes always there no matter what and i couldnt ask for a better best friend.i need to shower. i want to stay the night at jens tonight and get hammered with bry.. but i dunno if imma be able to and what jens doing.i need to talk to her ill prolly call her in a couple hours.if not then im just gunna go over there and chill with bryan for a lil while cuz i need to talk and hes such a good listener...well imma go and shower just wanted to update a lil. ciao
 
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i would dial your numbers just to hear you breathe   
10:19pm 28/06/2003
 
mood: happy
music: lifehouse *breathing*
i love steven...hehe. i read my sistas journal all the time and i see the way she feels for this one man in her life and i swear...i love it...because thats the exact way i feel about steven. like from day one ive been in this trance where nothing is the same i look at so many things diffrently because of him. i would explain it the way she does maybe if i had a wider vocabulary. i wish i did...i think thats what imma go...expand my vocabulary this summer. how i love resolutions...hehe...but i mean her latest entry is just wonderful because i see the way she feels for him and although im younger and im not as spirtual as she is i can totally relate...hehe today was madisons 1 year birthday...omg she is so cute.. she was giving me kisses...i love my family.. i feel sorta bad cuz i didnt formally introduce them to steven,...they all know who he is...but i mean...i wish he knew who they were.. i suppose i didnt think of that because my family is so excepting it dosent really matter whos around them they love them all the same...hehe i brought stephanie to0 but shes met the family before well most of them. it was great to see her i love her so much...we really need to hang more..hehe.i miss my baby.. i really hate being without him for even a minute it eats me away... if i could be by his side every second..i would be.. i swear i would. i love him so much..stephanie always makes me so happy she said that me and him act as though we are married and i swear we do...even my aunt sandie says so...me and her were sitting outside today talking and she was like *you guys remind me of me and randy so much...so in love...so forgiving and excepting* and then she grabed me and kissed me and told me she loves me...shes my fav aunt. i swear shes awesome...and she loves steven as he was her son..i love it so much... and shes always loved stephanie and they are the only people outside of my family that i need her to adore and she does. sometime soon we have to have a lil sleep over over there...me and steven and stephanie and her boys and their friends and sandie...omg good times noodle soup...anyone else agree?? hehehe...i beat the shit outta this lil boy for calling me a bitch today.. i hate that word when it is used that way...in disrespect to a woman....by a male...no way will i be victim to it, steven learned..hehe..and i also HATE the C word (cunt) *shudders* i hate it so...but i dont have to worry cuz my baby dosent disrespect me at all..i got the pictures of me and him! omg im so in love with them i was sorta mad because the one that would have been really cute isnt because steven was being goofy with it but oh well there are a ton of better ones in there...imma frame them tonight..hehe.. well imma go and talk to my baby...till next time....

i love steven...


il mio amore è bello
 
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*its gods gift to breathe the air he breathes*   
01:16am 25/06/2003
 
mood: optimistic
music: india arie...the truth...
omg...stephanie made me cd of these songs i made a list of...omg im crying cuz everyone of these songs makes me think of steven...each one in their own special way. this song *The Truth* by India Arie..describes my baby down to a T...not one thing left out, god i love it so much. and right now imma write a lil something to him,....**


steven,baby....i can say im sorry a million times and i know it dosent matter...but baby im so sorry that ive been a fucking headcase lately.. but seriously..i love you to death...and i really am sorry about earlier.. dads taking me to the docs so i should be alright. but im sorry things come out on you the way they do... that just shows you how much i love you...hehe. and baby i hope your still as happy as you were before with me even though all that seems to be happening is bad shit. but i love you more than ever. and i know you love me more than that. just i want you to be your happiest all the time. thats all..... im not gunna be able to sleep tonight cuz i cant stop listening to this cd and all these songs mean so much to me because they all remind me of you in a certin way. either they got me through the hard times in the past or they remind me of the day i met you. but i can tell you right now.. its a blessing to lay in bed at night and look up at the celing and know thatmy heart and soul belong to the greatest soul ive ever incountered...and to know he feels the same way about me just makes me wanna explode because no matter what you do...you always out do it the next day and make me 100 times happier and it makes that night 100 more times harded to sleep because all i can do is think about how wonderfu you are. you are my heart,soul,happiness and everything that falls in between...i live my days to see your smile.. and i smile because i know you love it. even through the tears...ill always smile knowing that it means something to someone for me to have a smie on my face. no one has ever made me feel worth anything and to find you was as if god was trying to tell me that he lives in everything around me and that i am worth the greatest person he created and that was you baby.. i love you...always and forever beyond death...i am forever yours..
 
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TWISTED.....   
10:39am 24/06/2003
 
mood: bouncy
music: AFI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well since my journal entry yesterday morning lots of things have changed.. maria and steven talked yesterday morning and then i was online and she talked to me..i let her know i wouldnt have ever questioned hateing her if she wouldnt have put herself in there..and she agreed that and i told her not to read my journal anymore if its just gunna make her upset because this is MY journal and i can write what i feel in her reguardless. then after that i called steven before i went over there because it seems that yes everything would be fine if we all got along but i am always made out to be the liar....steven acted as though he had a change of heart about certin things after their talk wich made me feel like shit because..if your bestfreind was saying shit to your girlfriend..and things that made her cry everynight for a week wouldnt you do something?? and steven was sorta acting as though i shouldnt feel the way i do.. so me and him talked about things for a couple mins and then i walked over his house...we didnt really talk about it when i got there but later one while laying in his bed and we started getting into it and shit and he said *well everyone is telling me diffrent stories* and i went off at that point because why would i lie to him??? no way in hell...and why would i lie to him about something that hurts me even more than it hurts him.. i cried for him.. because i could look at him and see that he was hurting and that just kills me more than anything...thats all i care about is that boys happiness and he wanst happy. and so i was like look you believe what you want but its w/e because if this happens again imma say i told you so...wich i wouldnt because i would do the same thing ive been doing this whole week..tryna give him the advice that helped me through all the shit i went through back in the day...but we didnt really get into that much to get us upset or anything. yesterday his dad was acting soooooo retarded...we were laying on the couch and we werent even that cuddled or anything and his dad came out saying *yall are way past your limit*...rofl...i prolly wont be allowed over there anymore...sikeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!...hehe..well imma get off of here and do some shit i wanna give something else a try for once rofl...ciao...


steven and nina ~ 12-13-02.....and forever...
 
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sometimes the truth hurts......   
10:10am 23/06/2003
 
mood: accomplished
the things i said in the journal entry prior to this one are things that needed to be said. i will never ever be who people want me to be and i will never ever ever bite my tongue for anyone! not even because a friend asks me to. sorry but this is my problem and you can stay out of it because this has went on for far to long now. im tired of the drama and im not dealing with it anymore. thats why imma do the *childish* thing as you love to call the shit that means the most to your friends and handle the shit the way it needs to be handled. so please idf anyone has a problem with MY entrys in MY journal maybe you should write in your own journal about how you feel your comments on my will just be ignored. because im not going to hide my feelings and i will not do anything someone else wants me to do. so with that i am off..


i love steven micheal....beyond death....
 
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headstrong to take on ANYONE!   
08:47pm 22/06/2003
 
mood: on the top of the world..;]
music: D12..daymn they know exactly how to say what i feel
It's so easy for me to make enemies any more it's sickening
People are lookin for an excuse to jump on my shitlist
Stickin their noses in shit that isn't none of their business
I never asked, cared, gave a fuck, or wanted opinions
Now I'm in the position that, I don't wanna be in - shit
I never had no beef with your corny son of a bitches
But now the shit is broke and you can't do nothin to fix it
So I'm tellin you right now...i dont like you...

me and my baby will be together forever...and we dont need this drama...fuck you all..we dont need you...

i love you steven<3

and stephanie this is not to you...they know who im talking about

p.s. ill do as i please and no one will stand in my way...you ARENT my mother and i will never ever let you even attempt to stop me from doing what i want to...so as far as biteing my tongue..i dont do that shit for anyone! and i never will...and my hands to myself... my hands will be where they wanna be when they wanna be...end of that

until next chapter...see yall in hell
 
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piss on self esteem...   
09:57pm 21/06/2003
 
mood: melancholy
music: bush *swallowed*
i need to start updating more often. im always left with a million things to write when i wait days to write in here. school is out till august!!!!!!!!!!!! wo0pers im the happiest girl on the planet. hehe..i got my ring sized today and when to see the hulk,wich was actually alot better than i though it would be. my baby loved it. i was sad that he couldnt see it yesterday when he wanted to.me and steven have seen eachother everyday since wednesday. its been blissful..i love him beyond the capacity of my heart. my dad took him home tonight and they got to talk. im so glad that i have a boyfriend my father actually loves...my dad isnt really hard to please but he REALLY likes steven. im so happy. eventhough ive been having a bunch of lil depression phases that i used to get back in the day when i was suicidal, i could never ever go back to that way completely but it still scares me. i have my baby....and he makes each day worth living, to see his face,hear his voice...that is the only reason i actually am happy to get up in the morning.my babys been hurt lately though. i think hes really came to the conclusion that he is so much better than all his lil friends that treated him like shit and im soo happy that hes starting to relize that and at the same time sad that they do that to him. hes such an amazing person and he lets people walk all over him..ill never understand it.but i seriosuly wanna fuck up all these lil motherfuckers hurting his feelings. i would to0..and i swear to god above that i will lay ray the fuck out next time i see him for saying shit about me and hurting my love. *fuck with my love and ill slit your throat* and i swear i will... but imma cut this one short and talk to him right about now..i wanna write a poem...i think i may do that tonight. <3 ciao<3


il mio amore è bello

i love you steven micheal
 
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6 MONTHS AND UNTIL THE END OF TIME   
11:55pm 14/06/2003
 
mood: horny
music: ZWAN *HONESTLY*
its been awhile since ive wrote in here,but since i dont try to think about the past ill only talk about recent events,here we go.Yesterday was stevens and mines 6 months mark,the day before i went out and bought him the new manson and a big hulk mug thingy.hehe he loved it. he has planed for the past two weeks to take me to the movies and to go over his house and hang out and w/e,after i gave him his gifts he said he was going to get me something and i begged him not to because i love to give and i feel weird to get to much and he gives me plenty all ready so i told him not and when we got home from school he told his mom he had to get me something so later on derrick and steven go into his moms room and she gos in and he comes out acting all weird and i was sorta uneasy and he sat down next to me while i was lying on the couch and took my hand and and put a ring in it and said that he would get it sized for me. omg my heart sank into my stomach at that part and i started to tear up and grabbed him and hugged him. omg! i didnt plan on that happening.the ring is beautiful its 14k gold and its shaped into a point that gos out into a band sorta like { that..hehe and in the point it has a ruby and it has 3 diamonds on each side of the ruby. plus he got me flowers and took me to the movies...and everyone said that we werent gunna make it and told me not to date him? fuck you all! this is FOREVER.today me and him chilled with ray and ria for the first time in forever,wich was great cuz i havent hung with them in forever...and i miss them both...i aLso miss stephanie and i wish that she wasnt punished cuz i would have deff. hung with her today..;[...oh well we have the summer...hehe;]..god i love my baby. i wanna scream whenever i see him cuz i love him so much i cant keep these emotions inside...it hurts to..im supposed to go to a free concert for 98 rock tomorrow but not sure if i will if not me and stevena re gunna hang out..yayay. i have black hair again thank god..i feel so pretty! hehe...uhh i cant get over that ring damn it.. i mean i always believed him when he said that he would be with me forever and shit and this totally sealed the deal for me.. like you dont just go and give your mothers rings to just anyone and i know for sure and ive always known that he has loved me..but damn i will never ever question him or his feelings..i love him so much damnit..he is my everything and i feel so sorry for all the lil bitches that have to call me a dyke to try and change his feelings about me...asthough being a dyke is a bad thing..shit if i were one..i wouldnt deny it! but im so sorry that yall have to lower yourself to these levels and ratty and all the lil bitches that tryed to take him from me before..rott in hell...because never in a million years will you be seen with him..cuz forever and for always is what he is promising me...whats he promised you?...


'cause there's not place that I could be without you
it's too dark to discard the life I once knew
honestly, a single wrong is not enough
to cover up the pain in us
'cause when I think of you as mine
and allow myself with time
to lead into the life we want
I feel loved, honestly
I'll make a joke so you must laugh
I'll break your heart so you must ask
is this the way to get us back
I don't know, honestly
I don't know, this honestly


I LOVE YOU STEVEN MICHEAL.....ALWAYS AND FOREVER
 
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i hate these days...   
08:35pm 25/05/2003
 
mood: sad
music: All American Rejects *swing swing*
i swear this day sux so fucking much. im so pissed off. i hate my family get togethers when im the only girl there. its not really much better when my sister is there cuz she gos along with everyone else but i mean it is a lil better..all the guys treat me like shit and i get no respect they forget im a girl. and josh slapped me across my face like a lil bitch..i wanted to ball when he did it just because i hate that type of shit. hes a lil bitch he slaps girls when he dont get his fucking way.it made me feel like total shit. to top this day off i try to explain the simple meaning of a promise ring to steven and he takes it to the extreme like its an engagement ring or somnthing its not that big its just a cute lil thing guys give girls...but i mean i hate that shit..i love the idea of promise rings and i would love to have one they are so cute...but no...oh well. ill get over it i dont have one now i can live without one.i just think they are cute. i wanna cry..there go the tears.. damn it.. i hate this shit. life sux sometimes. hopefully it will get better by the end of the night. well in the next week or so i will be getting a call from my cousin shane we have to see about taking the scre tissue out of my right ear so that i can gauge it and my aunt mardie *shanes mom* said that he has to meet steven wich will be a fun event..i think it will go good. well im hoping steve and shane have simular interest but this is a big deal for me becuase shane has never ever approved of any of my b/f's so im crossing my fingers..im not saying it will change my opionin abouyt steve noooooo way in hell but i mean its good to have all the support you can. i dunno my family is sooooooooo tight its good to have these things happen and i think shane will deffinitly love steven. cuz he knows i do and he wont do anything rational. so i dunno imma go and be happy. xoxoxox

i love you steven
 
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turn around...brighteyes   
06:43pm 20/05/2003
 
mood: energetic
music: Cold *the day seattle died*
*Turn all the lights down low
Try to fade your apathy
Made up a world where you can even be you
Star in a tragedy
Shadowed voice on an open court
And light up around the world just to hear you scream

Blown away by fame
We could all feel the shotgun hit the floor
Never learn in faith
If you can't believe

Drowning in misery
The nightmare begins when you close the door
You sat in your angry chair and stryed to be you
The needle became your queen
The drug had become your enemy
And music was just a way for you to bleed

Blown away by fame
We could all feel the shotgun hit the floor
Never learn in faith
If you can't believe*


i love this song!....its about my afterlife husband(kurt cobain)...so anywayz..im so bored.i had a meeting with juveinial justiuce today i have to do 5 hours of community service..yay! thats sarcasm if you cant tell..and while i was there we(me and my dad) had to orally answer a 6 page questionar and one of the questions was wether i was sexually active or not wich my aunt knows i am...but my dad had no idea and now he does so i have a gyno appt. june 5th wich is good because ill get on birth control and shit so that will be cool. i miss steven he hasnt came over since saturday..hehe..i didnt get to see him but for 5 mins today in the hallway if it were even that much.i put two gages in my ear.omg it hurt i had an 8 in it and i squeezed a 10 in it...i should put the 12 in that i have to0..3 gages in one hole..haha...i miss stephanie she wasnt at school today ;[. and she better be there tomorrow cuz i dont wanna go to sollers..hehe..hopefully steven will come over tomorrow cuz i miss him...but i have to go and do some shit so this is done...later xoxox

steven and nina ....forever and for always
 
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i am beautiful.....   
11:33pm 17/05/2003
 
mood: satisfied
music: kelly osbourne *SHUT UP*
im sitting here listening to this cd stephanie burnt for me a couple months ago..and she had put that song by christina gagulara on there called *Beautiful* and i couldnt help but to remember way back to december when i first fell in love with this song i was online talking to steven and i sent him the lyrics to this song because i kept telling him how much i loved it and how i wish i were *beautiful* and he told me that i was and that i shouldnt think im not because he thought i was.. this was b4 we actually dated and when he told me that i melted....hehe..do you believe he still does that to me even now...its crazy.. god i love him. lastnight i went with his mom and met him and his dad at this lil church cafe thing his dad had put together it was a pretty nifty place...i totally whored up jen lastnight i was supposed to go with her to a gay bar thingy but i didnt insted i went with my baby.. im sorry but i would rather be with him then anyone in the world...even if all we do when we are together is argue...it just shows me atleast how much i love him and care..but umm ive been replaying in my head when we were at that thing lastnight watching this pretty queer movie..that i told him that i could have went with jen or stephanie lastnight and i said but id rather be with you and he told me that i was great and that i was to good to him...hehe..i love him to death...god i do...his god father said that we are gunna get married...hehe. we will...2 more years.. cant wait..god i cant wait.but ...* to one who waits a moment seems a year*...so ill be here waiting untill then..
 
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