| Sedated from my pain |
[14 Nov 2007|06:30am] |
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mood |
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I ran away from home for a couple of days although I sure was able to turn into escapism and got few breatheable space. Having myself embrace my friends who have been there for me all these years - even if I left without prior notice and got back in manila with a load full on top of my shoulders; I'm uber grateful and blessed yet still couldn't release this huge hatred I'm carrying. I can't force it, I've been trying.
Glad, they do understand and been holding my grip tight. I have to forgive myself, stop blaming other people (specifically, he) , forgive even if It'll mean having to swallow my pride,move and get things done rather than whining over every single thought everyday.
All because of this hatred, I have become horrible but having to shout at the top of my lungs did help. I learned sometimes, however, we can't always be nice to the cruel.
I haven't been talking at home nor have the energy to do so to anyone except to those girls whom I have shared my life through thick or thin, thank you for the security blanket.
One day at a time but It will never be easy. I'm picking up the lost pieces. It's been a four-wheel drive, struggling through the 4 seasons in one blow. I'll get through this. I'm mad at the entire world and mad for having myself get into this shape.
I'll have myself back soon. I've got no choice. I just really want to be somewhere else, anywhere but here.
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