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Monday, January 12th, 2004
1:21 am - my first night on ra duty
8pm: showed up at desk... correction I showed up at 7:45pm... looked around... checked a few people in and out EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T HAVE TO... I could have been rude... or even polite about not doing it... but no... I was nice and did it... :P all night long... at 8:03pm liz show's up to help me with the line of people that has now accumulated at the front desk for check in/check out... then she tells me I need to call people ... so I did that and then went on rounds... came back... wrote it in the log. then helped more people with check in/out. 9pm went to A side to make sure everyone was moved out on 6th floor which they weren't. :P it's amazing the crap people throw away that really isn't crap at all... like for instance... Jessamy is letting me have a tv stand and a rolly chair! yay! free stuff rocks! then about 10ish I called g and amy b/c they left something in their room, but I had to go on rounds then too... so they walked with me and I couldn't find the other people from the 6th floor that left stuff in there room. 11... talked with liz about VARIOUS subjects I really like talking with her. She's very intelligent. and cultured! 12 katherine and paul witnessed me not be able to freaking lock the front door... it was rough 12:27 went on 3rd round of the night and made sure everything was locked down... and ryan was laughing and shouting in mandy's room... which I had to ask him to leave which he did immediately without us having to tell him he opened the door and was all ready to leave. Kara seemed really happy that I showed up b/c she said the walls were paper thin and that she could hear every freaking thing he was saying. So it's not a personal thing... and he better not make an issue out of it... he should shut his freaking mouth and then he wouldn't get caught. :P See Katherine I told you I wasn't going to let anyone get away with things. I'm not going to go out of my way to do anything... besides I'm not the person who decides whether he's guilty or not anyway! I just write a report of what happened. I'm not the bad guy here. so don't make me out to be >:o I'm glad to be back and I don't want things to get off on a bad start. I have high expectations of this year. Goodnight all

current mood: exhausted
current music: tune out - the format

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Sunday, January 4th, 2004
2:58 am - no where and everywhere
Dearest diary, Sometimes I feel there is a hole inside me. An emptiness that, at times, seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. And the moon tonight, there's a circle around it, a sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night wanting. But still, sometimes when the wind is warm or the crickets sing, I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know. Maybe I've had my happiness. I don't want to believe it but there is no man, only that moon.

current mood: lonely
current music: michelle lewis - no where and everywhere

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Thursday, December 25th, 2003
3:30 am - Happy Holidays!

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Saturday, December 20th, 2003
12:06 am - come here I want to tell you a secret
favorite quotes from vanilla sky that could be a journal from each:

-she's the saddest girl I ever saw holding a martini!

-without the bitter, baby! the sweet isn't as sweet!

-so many secrets... -that's b/c I'm an arms dealer... -really I've never known a arms dealer..

-I'm a pleasure delayer -how does that work -you keep a relationship going til the absolute breaking point.. then it could be the morning after... or the evening...

-I'm not blowing you off... I just need to be alone for a while

-and for me... this is happiness.. being with you

-my dreams are a cruel joke... they taunt me

-I grew stronger in ways I never knew I could...

-I will tell you in another life when we are both cats


haven't written in a while... lots memories made having lots of fun on break... saw two movies this week at the theater (elf/mona lisa smile). it was fun times... caught up on all the latest gossip :p it will never end. christmas is in 4 days... insanity. talk to katherine twice on the phone... everytime she calls I'm leaving... on the go on the go... or I've been sleeping... a lot... thinking too... and... I wish I was minoring in library studies or whatever... and philosophy... these look fun... why can't we just all indpendently study something we're interested in? :P have I mentioned that I love conan o'brian... I absolutely love him. I watch his show every night... he is the best! :) ... ok I'm talking to people online now... write more later

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Saturday, December 6th, 2003
10:07 pm - "and in that moment, I swear we were infinite."
Christmas time makes me so sentimental... like last night we (Erin, Liz, Gina, and I) went for a joy ride to look at all the pretty lights and Erin was blasting Mae... and it was just such a moment... times like that make me so happy to be alive. tonight was Amy and Christine's chorale concert. They were amazing. it made me really excited for christmas. afterward we went to Wendy's and on the way we sang o holy night... it was so much fun. I love singing and hearing music. that was a good moment also. I hope my family enjoys the gifts I bought them. I wish I could give them more. I wish I knew them better so I could get them things that would blow there minds. you know what I mean? like I look at the things I got them and think "oh great a flashlight" but it's a nice flashlight... anyway I hope they like there gifts. I'm writing in everyone's christmas cards how I'm glad I met them and hope they have a happy holiday... but I really mean it... I keep repeating it. the more I repeat it the more I mean it. I'm going to miss mu and all the people here for that whole month. it's going to be weird detached from it.... that's how I feel when I leave ... like it was all a great dream and now I have to live my boring life... eh cheer up charlie :) this isn't supposed to be a sad journal entry. I think things through too much. I hope everyone gets feeling better and that they really do have a fun and safe holiday

current mood: infinite
current music: guster -rainy day (yep... it's stuck on me)

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10:05 pm - live it up
"You have 4 years to be irresponsible. You'll never remember class time, but you'll remember time hanging out with your friends. So stay out late, go out on a Wednesday night when you have a paper due Thursday. Spend money you don't have. Drink until sunrise. The work never ends... college does"

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Thursday, December 4th, 2003
1:03 am - straddling...
oh yeah yesterday when we were all goofing off in the hallway I went to straddle jump the trash can and hit it and fell backwards... yeah ow I just found the humongo.. bruise... I took a picture... b/c it'd be obscene to showe people in public ! it's the biggest bruise I've ever had... besides softball sliding raspberries :P oh man... I wish I hadn't seen it so I could stop thinking about it... luckily I have my christmas music.. I was sitting in the hallway just relaxing, looking at all the christmas lights and thinking things about christmas after my shortest shower ever (b/c I wanted to show kara as soon as I saw my bruise) if I were to name it... I would name it tex... b/c it's as big as freaking texas! not really but OWWWW! *whines repeatedly* oh well it's not like anyone's going to see it :p my investment of a pez dispencer head was success I love it... it is beautiful... oh no... my christmas lights in here are falling again :( one week... and I'll be at a new home... robin is mumbling in her sleep... I hope I'm not waking her up :\ well... my coolest teacher ever told someone today (yes I was eavesdropping) that he wont even be here next fall semester :( this makes me sad he's so cool :\ *sad face* :( man and today this guy in my art class was flirting with me... which is weird... b/c he's like 28 or something ... maybe even older... not that he isn't good looking or anything I think I'm just scared. I try to think about my future with people but it's so fuzzy and confusing... I wonder how I'll react to certain things, if I'll be nervous at certain moments... I feel so limited in experience... tonight I talked with Ree about her past boyfriends... and how she dated a 25 year old when she was very young.. and he was so controlling. and I told her how I never really asked where they were... I mean I cared... but people just tell me things... I don't have to really ask... if someone wants to tell me something they just do it's always been that way. I do ask a lot of questions though... b/c I'm intrested in opinions and ideas and man I want to travel... I love stories... ok my adhd has really got to slow down... ever night at 1:11am I look at the clock... that's so weird... why?! I make a wish when I look over though... :* I just wished on a star... every time I see one... first one I see... it's so childish I don't know why I still do it I cut myself shaving tonight... I think I'm hemorraging.. j/k tonight is an unlucky night for me... in so many ways... my new material obession this month is herbal essence... last time I was at walmart I bought more shampoo even though I didn't need it b/c it was fruity smelling I need help... shopaholics anonymous... I bought my family gifts for chirstmas...a hh christmas... where are you christmas? I hope I get in the christmas spirit soon. it'll be weird being at my dad's with no decorations... odd... very odd indeed. well enough typing in the journal... write more later :)

current mood: sore
current music: nat king cole - christmas song

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Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003
12:15 pm - dear marcy
it's been a long time since we've talked... let's get some thing straight, one: treat me better! two: lay off the caffine already! you're exhausting me! three: since when is a bad thing to talk to yourself? four: if you don't get a job soon you're going to be poor and in debt forever! damn you! five: take some freakin' initative for once in your life... six: you're so caught up in other people's lives you're forgetting to live your own. seven: get on track... new years is coming you better start thinking about all those goals you made last year... don't forget you wrote them in here last year :P (so much for I forgot) eight: unplug... no really... run as far as you can away from the computer and don't look back... think of all the other things you could be doing with your life... nine: good job on not watching tv shows as much as you used to... ten: props to the book reading :) eleven: work out damn you... work out... twelve: except inevitable truths that you will not always please everyone (seriously should have learned that a long tim ago so stop trying) thirteen: ignore people when they say you're insane... people fear change, unknown, and differences ... ok glad we had this talk... next time... maybe you wont have to actually sit down and right it out just to get a moments peace... love your innerself... (punny... very punny) :P

current mood: complacent
current music: dynamite hack - anyway

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Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003
10:07 am - guster - rainy day
I will dig a hole
Save my pennies for a rainy day
I will dig a hole
Savin pennies for a rainy day
I'm not scared
I will build a wall
Sensing trouble from a mile away
I will build a wall
Saw it comin from a mile away
I'm not scared
I'm not scared
Try wearin your insides out
I don't even try, I know I have seen the best I'll have
I don't even try
I will just play dumb
I won't hear a sigle word that's said
I will bite my tongue
Never sing another song again
I'm not scared
I'm not scared
Try wearing my insides out
I don't even try, I know I have seen the best I'll have
I don't even try
Now they want to take my chances
I don't even try
Clouds are comin
Air get's heavy
Looks like trouble on a rainy day
Sun starts sinking
Can't see my shadow
Looks like trouble on a rainy day
Holes uncovered
Walls will crumble
All spells trouble on a rainy day

song of the day... along with Phantom Planet's - lonely day...

it's sad song day even though I'm not really sad about any one thing...
it's snowing... and I have class in an hour so I must shower...

current mood: groggy
current music: guster - rainy day

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Sunday, November 30th, 2003
6:20 pm - sloppy firsts quote
'Right now I feel guilty to be alive. Why? Because I'm wasiting it. I've been given this life and all I do is mope it away.'

current mood: thoughtful
current music: dashboard confessional - ghost of a good thing

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12:07 am - trying to mellow out...
I want to sleep... I really do... but I'm too the point of no return for the sleeping... I'm ready to work so I can sleep good and not worry about everyone and everything... it's like when I get away from school I only think about things that pertain to me.. which in a way is still stressful but at least I can set my life straight. don't get me wrong I love everyone and would give the world for any of them. I need this break... it'll be me cut off from the world. which is not always a good thing. I wont be any different from before it'll be like it was before break. I snap back like that. I change and adapt well... I'm an aquarius :þ soon jim will be coming in and Ill have to get offline and then I will go upstairs and have myself a beer and read a good book erin is letting me borrow "sloppy firsts" I feel like I'm the main character when I read it except... she's skinny and athletic... and well I've got more of a softball player's athletic build... I'm ready for change in my body shape department. I really don't like how I look but who ever really does? I'm still trying accept my image... but when I look in the mirror it's not familar... it's like ok... I know that's supposed to be me but I don't feel like I'm that person. I'm so confusing. I understand what I just said but maybe other people wont. g2g now... write more later tomorrow I see the REAL family! lol j/k but I get to see the people who are just as close as family!

current mood: worried
current music: dashboard confessional - as lovers go

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Saturday, November 29th, 2003
1:35 am - one crazy conversation in at wee hours...
HugeAssClown: so how was the holiday>?
pezgirlmarcy: same as ever...
pezgirlmarcy: everyone loves each other but no one really likes one another :-P
pezgirlmarcy: lol
HugeAssClown: LOL, i think that is how everyone's family is
pezgirlmarcy: yeah
pezgirlmarcy: how's your vacation going?
HugeAssClown: eh... i wanna go back... yours?
pezgirlmarcy: moi aussi (me also)
pezgirlmarcy: I miss my real family...
pezgirlmarcy: lol
HugeAssClown: lol, i kniw
HugeAssClown: know*
pezgirlmarcy: the people who really know you and really know how to deal with your bullshit and don't just put up with you b/c your related
pezgirlmarcy: heaven forbid there be conflict at home :-P
HugeAssClown: WORD
pezgirlmarcy: HEY
pezgirlmarcy: I'm and RA
pezgirlmarcy: -d
pezgirlmarcy: did you hear?!
pezgirlmarcy: :-D
pezgirlmarcy: next semester
HugeAssClown: AWESOME!!! where at?
pezgirlmarcy: laurel b... but no clue what floor
HugeAssClown: i'm on 1b next semester
pezgirlmarcy: ahh I could be your ra...
pezgirlmarcy: that would be weird
HugeAssClown: i heard that i'm getting Geralyn
pezgirlmarcy: I heard it was lydia... but there are co's
pezgirlmarcy: so maybe you have geralyn and lydia
pezgirlmarcy: hmm that narrows it down...
pezgirlmarcy: I'm not on 1 or 3
pezgirlmarcy: so 2 or 4?
HugeAssClown: i heard lydia is gonna be on 2
pezgirlmarcy: brittany and marrissa are 3
pezgirlmarcy: hmm
HugeAssClown: and i heard that 1 isn't gonna have a co
pezgirlmarcy: maybe it wont
HugeAssClown: i heard this all from jessie on 7a
pezgirlmarcy: ok
pezgirlmarcy: hmm I want to know what floor I'm on
pezgirlmarcy: I'm so excited
HugeAssClown: maybe 4
pezgirlmarcy: I can't be on 4 I don't think
pezgirlmarcy: I know wayyy too many peole
pezgirlmarcy: people*
pezgirlmarcy: kara.... liz.... christine.... erin.... mandy fawn... the list goes on
pezgirlmarcy: who really sleeps anyway?
HugeAssClown: ah, i see
HugeAssClown: LOL
HugeAssClown: i know
HugeAssClown: sleep is for the weak
pezgirlmarcy: I think I have insomnia sometimes... and other times I think I'm just a hypocondriact
pezgirlmarcy: like I wont sleep for two days then I'll get 6 hours...
pezgirlmarcy: and it'll all be good
HugeAssClown: i'm the same way
pezgirlmarcy: I might have mono...
pezgirlmarcy: that would be perfect
pezgirlmarcy: I could have maybe a normal sleep pattern
HugeAssClown: i generally sleep 3 hours every day
pezgirlmarcy: the mono diet... you lose your appetite...
pezgirlmarcy: really it just starts sounding better by the minute
pezgirlmarcy: seminela would be quicker...
HugeAssClown: LMAO
pezgirlmarcy: stronger immune system ... then i could be like *snort* mmm anthrax
pezgirlmarcy: I think I think about things too much
pezgirlmarcy: it could be I'm tired but we'll never know b/c I don't feel sleepy
HugeAssClown: you;re starting to freak me out, bones
pezgirlmarcy: I'm sorry
pezgirlmarcy: :-(
pezgirlmarcy: I think I watched too much fight club
HugeAssClown: lol, it's all good
pezgirlmarcy: and read too much... william s. burroughs...
pezgirlmarcy: you start to think trippy
pezgirlmarcy: *shrugs*
pezgirlmarcy: it must be an art major thing... to want to see life in different ways... even if those ways are fucked up like the book junky
pezgirlmarcy: it's so weird!
pezgirlmarcy: next is naked lunch...
pezgirlmarcy: then I went on a kick of reading 'teen' literature... the book "perks of being a wallflower"... I absolutely love it b/c I try to relate to everything I read... that's all life is... affiliation
pezgirlmarcy: I'm not even drunk
pezgirlmarcy: I wish I were
HugeAssClown: LOL
HugeAssClown: me too
pezgirlmarcy: I'm going job hunting later today
HugeAssClown: ew, why?
pezgirlmarcy: no money
pezgirlmarcy: wait... you could be my pimp
pezgirlmarcy: that would be an interesting job... but no... I have too much self respect damn it
pezgirlmarcy: although... I wish I could do the sex lines....
pezgirlmarcy: I think that would be my ideal job
pezgirlmarcy: soooo easy
pezgirlmarcy: and I'm creative
HugeAssClown: i would never wanna be a hooker, however, beinmg a pimp sounds like good times
HugeAssClown: and cool clothes
pezgirlmarcy: lol
pezgirlmarcy: and the feathers!
pezgirlmarcy: oh y
pezgirlmarcy: my*
HugeAssClown: and the cane
pezgirlmarcy: I think I should put a ad in the paper...
pezgirlmarcy: all I need is a credit card
pezgirlmarcy: or... I could do voicemails.. and charge extra b/c you can listen to them over... and over...
HugeAssClown: LOL
pezgirlmarcy: and even more for personalized
pezgirlmarcy: see I've thought this through... even to me it's a bit disturbing
pezgirlmarcy: but eh go with the flow
HugeAssClown: as long as you have it planned out, it should be all good
pezgirlmarcy: over the summer I already know I'll be braiding garlic
pezgirlmarcy: I might even learn how to make a garlic wreath! ... my life is turning into the waltons
pezgirlmarcy: I need to move west
HugeAssClown: that will smlee
HugeAssClown: smell*
pezgirlmarcy: the tomato canning will even it out
pezgirlmarcy: :-P
pezgirlmarcy: I'm such a farmer
HugeAssClown: LMAO, i heart oyu
pezgirlmarcy: aww thanks
pezgirlmarcy: so marrie quit american history through the civil war
pezgirlmarcy: and I have no one to talk to even though I try to talk to the girls next to me...
pezgirlmarcy: and that class is so boring I want to slit my wrists just to add a little color to the room :-P j/k
pezgirlmarcy: ...maybe
pezgirlmarcy: I hate that class a lot
pezgirlmarcy: just wait til he get's his evaluation back... mine's going technical b/c I'm in ed psych and I'm going to reem his ass out about how defective his teaching methods are
pezgirlmarcy: *steps down from her pedistal*
pezgirlmarcy: sorry
HugeAssClown: LOL, yeah
pezgirlmarcy: I got a little carried away
pezgirlmarcy: I'm really talkative tonight I'm sorry if I'm boring you...
pezgirlmarcy: I just have to talk ...
HugeAssClown: you're not boring me in the slightest
HugeAssClown: you'rw making me laugh... alot
pezgirlmarcy: oh good
HugeAssClown: brb
pezgirlmarcy: k
pezgirlmarcy: oh no... I have a confession... (b/c you know you're like a priest to me.. minus the touching =-Othat was a low scrape from the bottom of jokes) but anyway forgive me for I have sinned... I made someone a cigarette addict, she's just as bad as me about it too... she's like *sniff* I smell nicotine! or maybe it's my raisins! but anyway I need one NOW!...
HugeAssClown: back
HugeAssClown: LOL, no way
HugeAssClown: you're addciting other people
pezgirlmarcy: I am
pezgirlmarcy: I let her try one of mine
pezgirlmarcy: for the first time ever
HugeAssClown: 10 hail mary's and one our father and you shall be forgiven
pezgirlmarcy: I was the one giving someone there first drag
pezgirlmarcy: oh god
pezgirlmarcy: good*
pezgirlmarcy: not god...
pezgirlmarcy: :-P
HugeAssClown: i am god
pezgirlmarcy: it's true
pezgirlmarcy: you're more real to me than a lot of things...
pezgirlmarcy: *sigh* I'm waaaaay to deep not to be drunk
HugeAssClown: LOL, you should write a book
pezgirlmarcy: I should...
pezgirlmarcy: the nights I wasn't drunk by marcy bones
HugeAssClown: i like that title alot
HugeAssClown: that will so be an away message
pezgirlmarcy: lol
pezgirlmarcy: yay I made an away message
pezgirlmarcy: god's away message "life sucks and then you die...come visit"
HugeAssClown: lol
pezgirlmarcy: if only I had cold medicine
pezgirlmarcy: I have the sniffles
HugeAssClown: i wanna see you all Nyquilled up
pezgirlmarcy: lol
pezgirlmarcy: the moonshine of medicine
pezgirlmarcy: wake up a week later in the back of someone's pick up truck with a wicked hang over
HugeAssClown: or in a dumpster in Connecticut
pezgirlmarcy: hey if it were cape cod I think it'd be better living in the dumpster there than the rhoutine here
pezgirlmarcy: it's killing me
pezgirlmarcy: that is why, my friend, I mix it up... it's my subconsious saying... don't sleep it'll be more fun like this
pezgirlmarcy: sometimes I wish I were schizophrenic just to have someone to talk to
HugeAssClown: i bet my schitzo friends would suck
pezgirlmarcy: marcy never gets old!
pezgirlmarcy: I bet mine would be so fun
pezgirlmarcy: just as long as there not a bunny named frank
pezgirlmarcy: that would suck
pezgirlmarcy: I'd be scared
pezgirlmarcy: and probably cry more
HugeAssClown: lol, i don't want animals
HugeAssClown: as split personalities
pezgirlmarcy: frank the bunny from donnie darko...
pezgirlmarcy: scarrrrrry
pezgirlmarcy: freaky
HugeAssClown: never saw
pezgirlmarcy: metal bunnies what??~?~
pezgirlmarcy: he's got like this metal face
pezgirlmarcy: it's really creepy
pezgirlmarcy: I can't think of any other adjetives to describe him
pezgirlmarcy: seriously.. I'm this close to just going for a drive
pezgirlmarcy: I hate not sleeping
pezgirlmarcy: I'm so restless
pezgirlmarcy: adhd or creativity?
pezgirlmarcy: I need to create...
pezgirlmarcy: but I don't even have paper and pencil here
pezgirlmarcy: =-O I'm in hell!!!!!!!!!
pezgirlmarcy: I knew I should have kept driving
HugeAssClown: just think, you'll be back soon enough
pezgirlmarcy: yes...
pezgirlmarcy: I think I'll go back tomorrow afternoon
HugeAssClown: when do they open the dorms?
pezgirlmarcy: uhh how are they going to close them? blockade?
pezgirlmarcy: they have to leave it open for people who can't go anywhere right?
HugeAssClown: ... yeag
HugeAssClown: yeah*
pezgirlmarcy: hmm
pezgirlmarcy: I have to make a pit stop at my mom's and get more stuff I don't need
pezgirlmarcy: my friend ryan's going to fix my turn table :-D
pezgirlmarcy: yay
HugeAssClown: a TURN TABLE???
pezgirlmarcy: oh yeah
pezgirlmarcy: aiwa... doesn't work but I've got my fisher price hookd up to my aiwa stereo
pezgirlmarcy: whatever works
pezgirlmarcy: you know... I have a lot of records and until college I had more records than cds... but not so much anymore
HugeAssClown: we gotta hit up your turntable one weekend and bust some rhymes
pezgirlmarcy: oh yeah
pezgirlmarcy: duran duran
pezgirlmarcy: :-
pezgirlmarcy: :-D a personal fave
HugeAssClown: hungry like the wolf?
pezgirlmarcy: but then there are the cool oldies...
pezgirlmarcy: no "I don't need your love"
pezgirlmarcy: I'll have to check to see if I have hungry like a wolf
pezgirlmarcy: I have most records on 45
HugeAssClown: do you have INXS's "i need you tonight"
pezgirlmarcy: I do not know
pezgirlmarcy: hmm
HugeAssClown: i heart that song
pezgirlmarcy: I really haven't listened to my record collection since 12th grade...
pezgirlmarcy: :-( that is sad that I haven't... but I don't go home that often
pezgirlmarcy: and I can't bring my records to college
pezgirlmarcy: they might get ruined or stolen
pezgirlmarcy: at least with cds I can get new ones
pezgirlmarcy: records are a little harder to come by
pezgirlmarcy: vinyl is coming back!
pezgirlmarcy: I see records a lot now...
pezgirlmarcy: like in hot topics ... in various malls
pezgirlmarcy: they have a record selection
pezgirlmarcy: I want to start a new record collection
pezgirlmarcy: I haven't got a new record in 4 or 5 years... and technically it wasn't new... it was very very old
pezgirlmarcy: dominque... the singing nun...
pezgirlmarcy: I need help
HugeAssClown: LOL
pezgirlmarcy: ooh you know who has free records...
pezgirlmarcy: the radio studio
HugeAssClown: yup, and free cds
pezgirlmarcy: I already got a couple free cds
pezgirlmarcy: they are awesome
HugeAssClown: what bands
pezgirlmarcy: overseers of wreckage...
pezgirlmarcy: oh man I forget the other one...
pezgirlmarcy: it's got a really cool cd case
pezgirlmarcy: not that that would normally reflect there music abilities
pezgirlmarcy: but they're good... like alternative... technoish but not hardcore rave... just like.. car commercial
HugeAssClown: LOL , car commercial
pezgirlmarcy: like on the one.. horn dog... that's on that mitsubizi commercial
pezgirlmarcy: mitzubisti
pezgirlmarcy: whatever
pezgirlmarcy: I had that word
HugeAssClown: i like that dirty vegas song that was on a commercial
pezgirlmarcy: oh yeah
pezgirlmarcy: I saw vega... and thought suzanne and how much I like that "tom's diner" song
HugeAssClown: my friend saw suzanne vega in concert
pezgirlmarcy: cool
pezgirlmarcy: you know what band I wish I would have saw in concert... the cardigans
pezgirlmarcy: I really like them
pezgirlmarcy: I have there "first band on the moon" cd... which I actually bought... and the worst song on there is "love fool"
pezgirlmarcy: I like there cover of "iron man"
pezgirlmarcy: but tonight is a dashboard confessional night
pezgirlmarcy: I'm a little obsessed with chris right now... b/c I'm trying to learn the guitar... and they're like the easiest to lear
pezgirlmarcy: n*
pezgirlmarcy: I've learned shirts and gloves in my head... I just wish my fingers would get it soon
pezgirlmarcy: and I have remember to breathe... the first guitar part of it... down
pezgirlmarcy: I can play a little dave :-)
pezgirlmarcy: I wish I could go see dave!
pezgirlmarcy: I'm jealous of you and hillary
HugeAssClown: we don't have our tickets yet, but we are so going to see them... they still have tickets on sale for a show in rochester
pezgirlmarcy: swet
pezgirlmarcy: sweet*
pezgirlmarcy: I can play some of crash and some of lie in our graves
pezgirlmarcy: that is all...
HugeAssClown: i LOVE lie in our graves
pezgirlmarcy: that is b/c my fingers are going to fall off soon
pezgirlmarcy: well at least the tips might
pezgirlmarcy: they already feel funny and caloused
pezgirlmarcy: I love it too
pezgirlmarcy: it's so fun
pezgirlmarcy: I can play the little beginning part
pezgirlmarcy: but not fast enough yet
pezgirlmarcy: my skins rubbing off on my guitar strings...
pezgirlmarcy: so gross
pezgirlmarcy: I even cut my nails and started biting them just so I can play
HugeAssClown: when did you start playing?
pezgirlmarcy: well over the summer I was all gungho... on learning... and then I was lazy and didn't do anything... and I only knew 4 chords... and could only play 2 songs...
pezgirlmarcy: and sunday I brought my guitar here...
pezgirlmarcy: and my friend ryan showed me some easy songs... and now I can play like... 5 more songs
HugeAssClown: whoa!! holy good ideas... i shold play my guitar to pass the time
pezgirlmarcy: you should...
pezgirlmarcy: I think I practiced for a couple hours today
pezgirlmarcy: and I love that feeling of getting it right
pezgirlmarcy: it's beautiful
pezgirlmarcy: :-)
pezgirlmarcy: I kinda can read tabs... but I have a hard time b/c I never look to see if I have to tune it in something different
pezgirlmarcy: and I get confused when it doesn't sound the same as the song...
pezgirlmarcy: maybe it's the compulsive anal retentive perfectionist in me... but I get really mad when I can't make it sound the same
HugeAssClown: i'm the same
pezgirlmarcy: do you have an electric or acoustic?
HugeAssClown: acoustic
pezgirlmarcy: me too :-)
pezgirlmarcy: her name is belladonna
pezgirlmarcy: it's an aria... my mom gave it to me
pezgirlmarcy: my mom's really good
pezgirlmarcy: she writes songs... and is currently trying to join a association or guild of songwriters...
HugeAssClown: that's awesome
pezgirlmarcy: yeah... I remember when I was a kid she used to play alllll the time
pezgirlmarcy: she just got a mandolin for her b'day in august... and she learned a lot really quick and the next thing she wants is a violin
pezgirlmarcy: b/c a mandolin is the opposite of a guitar in pitches and where they're placed on the frets... or whatever... and a violin is exactly the same chords as a mandolin
pezgirlmarcy: there is a little history lesson for you :-P
HugeAssClown: LOL, i shall remember that
pezgirlmarcy: I think I'm going to go read a book so I can have it finished by sunday
pezgirlmarcy: sloppy firsts... so far so god
pezgirlmarcy: good*
pezgirlmarcy: damn that o sticks
HugeAssClown: lol
pezgirlmarcy: see ya soon! have a good rest of the break if I don't talk to you any other time
HugeAssClown: ok, cool
HugeAssClown: see you soon

So what if your friends think I’m crazy, well
I wasn’t trying to impress those guys anyway
They’re all theories and no action
Where I’m from we live like it’s the latest attraction

current mood: restless
current music: dashboard confessional - hey girl

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Monday, November 24th, 2003
10:38 am - this is a e-mail from a best friend in north carolina...
just to prove a point that people can be optomistic:

Hey there! Just thought I'd write to ya and say Hello! so how are you? I'm doing great! I'm kinda exhausted though....I had to work all day...ugh! hee hee! Anyways, all is good with me! I hope the same for ya'll! My Momma had to go back to the doctor last week and they found more cancer in her armpit, so she had to have surgery again on Tuesday. And when they did that they decided to insert a port in her chest cavity for when she starts Chemo. I dunno if you know what a port is or not, but it's where the chemo will enter her body, they insert those in people who have weak veins. So when they did that it caused one of her lungs to collapse. so she had to stay in the hospital longer, and her lung never did re-inflate, so she had to go back to the doctor today. So, it's been crazy, but she is doing good. She's such a strong person and is handling everything very well! Which is awesome! So, other than that all is going well! Work is going good too, I work at Banana Republic, if ya'll didn't know! *like ya care, right?* haha! anyways, I'm so ready for the holidays so that classes will be over with for a while!! I need a break! It's sooooo stressful! But i can manage! I hope all is going great for you, just drop me a note as soon as ya find time, because I totally understand if ya get busy! Thanks! Be good and take care....lots of love, Ashley

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1:32 am - so you wanna know what it's like to walk a day in my shoes...
went to bed at 4am
woke up at 7am
went back to bed til 10
mom called "k I'm going to pick you up... see you in an hour bye love you"
*knock knock knock* me: yeah... I mean hold on... [hair a mess like fwapaa....]
ansel: do you have a can opener?
me: yes
ansel: can I use it?
me: hold on
ansel: thanks be right back
*thinks oh dear I look goofy all groggy...*
get my can opener back
shut the door
put the can opener back in the drawer...
get online...
3 messages w00t! :)
*got dressed and brushed hair*
*talked to lindsay and wished her a fun england trip*
*sang along to a few songs*
mom shows up... "ready to go?"
*hug kiss*
me: yep
mom: so what's new
*bump into tiffany in the hallway looking very disoriented*
me: no one ever wakes up before noon on saturdays!
mom: *giggle*
*long car ride home where we discussed life...*
MADDIE!!!!!!! :) lots of hugs and kisses... I <3 my dog... maybe a little too much
went up stairs listened to some music
opened my bills and felt very good that my bill isn't as much as I thought it would be :::SMILIN':::
looked around my room... it's so clean it doesn't feel like my room thank god for the clutter...
I found a nickel :)
played with the dog for a little bit... it's funny she likes to wrestle...
and then after she lays on her back and wants her tummy rubbed
she's so cute! I miss my dog the most at college and that's weird...
you'd think I'd miss my parents (and I do... I miss there words of wisdom and point of view)
but I miss my dog the most... she's so happy all the time... and so am I...
so anyway... took my guitar out of the closet got another cd case from another closet...
(ran out of room in my others!)
went back downstairs followed by the dog and her teddy bear lol (still wagging her tail and happy to see me)
mom made me left over spaghetti with MEATBALLS! oh yeah! :)
*wrote down some things I wanted for christmas*
chilled in the living room for a bit... dog never left my side
michael jackson is a sick sick man... cnn... it's a favorite channel at that house
mom gave me some bottles and cans to take back for nickels :D
and she gave me some ramen noodles and mac and cheese stuff... and SODA
put it in my car... and drove off feeling like... hmm it's weird to be leaving
I love driving sometimes... especially when no one is on the road except me... for miles...
I sing really loud... and shake my stuff like no one's watching... and I wouldn't care if they were lol
hey if it brightens someone day to see me belting lyrics and dancing in my car then so be it
got back to mansfield... hi honey I'm home... oh yeah that's right I'm alone :P
showed kara my guitar case and she hugged me... and I hadn't showered and I felt grosss..... blahhhhh!!!
went back to my room and chatted for a bit then hopped into the shower
freaking every five seconds.... nuculear hot to ice cold... so it was revitalizing lol
naked time is the best time ever... "hey I don't sit on her stuff... so it's ok" hehehehe
got ready for the day chatted more online... b/c I'm addicted... it's sickening the obsession...
hung out with kara.... then came back here....
erin came down and I showed her how much I suck at playing guitar
then she left and katherine was online asking me if I wanted to go to dinner
she is the saddest girl I know and I wish there were something I could say to make it all better
then went to dinner at the university club
had ruben only ate half... ooh and french fries with gravity! hehe I miss my grandpa... he used to call gravy gravity
drove my car there and back and parked walked down with kara and mike
mike paid for dinner I think that's really nice of him
talked to MARY BETH! and I"M GONNA BE AN RA!!!!!! WOOT!!!!!!!!!! *happy dance numerous times*
so I listened to all she wants to do is dance... b/c that song makes me move
ryan played my guitar
ryan showed me how to play part of remember to breathe!
and I practiced it a lot...
I love guitars they sound so beautiful when people know how to play... I think above everything I like music...
I even listen to music when I have a migraine and can't even open my eyes...
... so now I can't sleep... and that is why I'm writing all this....
but back to my day... kara & mike left... b/c they obviously need to be in eachother... I mean near lol not! :)
watched some of those happy tree friends clips! so sick! but funny but sick! demented... as robin would say
then I tried to watch tv... but I just dont' wanna... b/c it's hard to watch tv when you're talking to people online
ryan came back and played my guitar more... he thinks he sucks but he doesn't...
called my mom and played remember to breathe for her :)
she liked it she said she knew I'd pick up some good things from people at school
then kara told me to come down to her room for a story
and this is where some stress happened... :-p her ex is a ass... and seriously I wish he was dead for everyone's sake
yes this is harsh... yes I don't care... i don't care if you think less of me for wishing
harm on another human being...
he is a pathetic reason for a life if I ever did say so...
and I'm not the kind of person who would say so but I know too much of her side
she told mike
she's afraid mike's mad
mike's not mad...
I talked to mike...
but something is bother him...
he wont tell me b/c he thinks I'm telling kara
but I'm not telling her...
it's my parents divorce all over again...
went outside and smoked two cigarettes... b/c I hate stress and it makes me feel good
but now I feel sick... like I should be helping them... but I don't know how
and this is where I'm at now... please let me sleep...

ok that was neurotic... but I feel better :P
happy things of the day:
I CAN PLAY REMEMBER TO BREATHE! well part of it anyway! and my mom said I did a good job on the phone :)

ok goodnight I think...

current mood: aggravated
current music: dashboard confessional - remember to breathe

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Sunday, November 23rd, 2003
1:07 am - how I feel about love
I think I have some sort of disease where you hallucinate & start to not believe in love, but after a year or two, or hopefully not ten or twenty, it'll cure itself & all that's left will be a few little red spots that twinge & ache whenever you get too near someone else that has the disease & it's all you can do to stop from reaching out & holding them close :( that's very much stolen from something I read... but I made it sound like mine by changing some past tense to present b/c it's how I feel sometimes

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12:13 am - stole this from Jen's journal cuz she's cool and I miss her stories...
1. WHAT IS YOUR Middle name?

old navy ::::blue:::: jeans

mae - ember and envelopes


pizza from papa v's

sky blue... I don't know why... :p

kinda chilly/windy





slice... or grape soda... I'm such a kid

eh... fuzzy navel I guess

basketball to play... hockey to watch oh and I like to play softball




Bert - 26
Jael - 14
Matt- 15


mashed potatoes

seven or part of along came a spider... ooh tnt.. .yeahhhh

halloween or new years.... new years is always fun

very much so

I like them both...

right now I'd like one extreme or the other

oh man do I need to be kissed but I could settle for a hug...

either is fine with me



doesn't matter

the perks of being a wallflower

a lion drinking from a small body of water and looking at me... it's freaky and dark I like it :P


had a few shots in mandy's room, hung out with mike, kara, lara, ryan, erin, and paul at some point

boys... or fruit... lol

where are the people at?! who can I talk to?!

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Saturday, November 22nd, 2003
11:33 pm - yay I found the lyrics on there site!
its your bed, so please choose a side ill take the one closest to the door and you start to speak the words that try to justify do far more wrong then anything you do so grab the coat, the keys, the tension speaks but we're singing it (chorus) ill tap the break while you crack the window the smell of smoke is making my lungs explode the 51 is backed up and too slow lets tune out by turning on the radio and this town is dead weve been caught in these sheets way too long lets just see whos up on this screen no one i know is more depressing then me or should i say the two of us cause after all we're all weve got and tension speaks but we're singing it (chorus) and oh my love youre all i need backed behind a frequency they played this song an hour ago lets tune out by turning on the radio havent we heard this song about a thousand times before oh well after awhile it all sounds the same i guess its better then silence and better then shame (chorus) :) oy vey ... thanks to erin... I was going insane I love this band... hopefully I'll get it for christmas... poor college student needs to ask for it for christmas :P

current mood: energetic
current music: format - tune out

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Friday, November 21st, 2003
4:41 am - sadness
a guy from back home died... in some freak accident and I'm really bummed now :( I never told him what a great person he was. we had shop together and autocad. we used to pick on eachother all the time :( it's times like these where I wish I would never die. why do people have to die? why can't all the bad people die? :\ well I guess that'd be the end of me quick :P but seriously he was a great person and I really liked him. he left behind his wife and little kid :( that makes me so sick inside like my stomach is turning but I can't cry I can only ache. :( I'm sorry this journal entry is such a bummer. RIP CES :(

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Thursday, November 20th, 2003
6:49 pm - I love surprises
You have a surprise kiss! Your partner is always
pleasantly pleased to have you jump outta no
where to dote them with a fun peck on the cheek
or more passionate embrace. super markets and
work places are your favorite places to attack
your loved one with all your love =p

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

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3:39 pm - pavement - cut your hair lyrics
darlin` don`t you go and cut your hair
do you think it`s gonna make him change?
"i`m just a boy with a new haircut"
and that`s a pretty nice haircut
charge it like a puzzle, hit me wearin` muzzles
hesitate to die, look around, around, the second drummer`s drowned
his telephone is found

music scene is crazy, bands start up each and every day
i saw another one just the other day
a special new band
i remember lying
i don`t remember lies
i don`t remember what
but i don`t care, i care, i really don`t care
did you see the drummer`s hair?

advertising looks and chops a must
no big hair!!
songs mean a lot
when songs are bought
and so are you-
bitch, rant down to the practice room
attention and fame so
career, career, career...

ok I'm obessed with that song too but I"m listening to the format - the first single... b/c I like that too ... both favorites

current mood: happy
current music: format - the first single

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