the morning   
11:05am 05/07/2003
mood: guilty
babe, i really love you.
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cant move!   
11:24pm 04/07/2003
mood: drained
alright im gonan make this short because i cant really move because im burnt to a crisp. i spent a long day at the beach w/ mon and fam. it was fun. spent the day w/ her and met her bf. he's nice too. i just got home and i didnt realize how burnt i am until i went to change. im in pain. and im tired. so i had a great day. i miss anthony. great 4th of july :) great day
Um, NO, Maybe, Not Quite Sure....Eh- Why not?   
11:20pm 03/07/2003
mood: mellow
music: Ren & Stimpy theme song
So i'm watching Striperella and i dont know what to think of it. it's this stupid show about Pam ANderson who is a stripper by night and a super hero even later at night. there are a lot of things in it that couldnt happen even in real cartoons, but i guess i can forgive because it is Stan Lee. it's kinda twisted. like this dad went to go see his daughter stripping. blah. yuck. i bet a lot feminists are goign to protest it or somehting, saying it degrades women or something. i dunno what i think actually. it is kinda hot though :)

hope the beach will be fun tomorrow...i need a good tan
I Just Want tomorrow to come   
06:46pm 03/07/2003
mood: discontent
bah. i feel liek crap. actually im not sure how i feel or how i should feel. i spent my entire sitting in my ass playing "roller coaster tycoon" or taking care of my brothers. today was such a waste except for my phone conversations. i was on the phone for a while w/ mon. she and i were talking about her problem w/ luis. i feel bad for him because there's not much he can do in the situation except get some balls. and i felt bad that i said shit to her about doug. it's not my place to say anything, it's not. i guess i just dont want her to do anything stupid and to through somethign good away. sounds like my situation a bit.

yesterday A picked me up and we watched TV at his house. it was really nice just being w/ him. he looked really cute. we had a nice time. on the way home we, for some reason unknown, started talking about how difficult it would be to be w/ other people once we broke up. we had never talked about anything like that, it was really strange. i got kind of uneasy but when we pulled up to my house i still didnt get out of the car. we kept talking and i told him that even when he goes to college that if we took a break or anything, that i would always want to continue our relationship because i think it's too good to ever through away. i also told him i thought i would never be able to love someone as much as i love him. it felt great telling him, but i was really scared that he wouldnt agree w/ me. i looked up through my blurry eyes, i almost started crying, and i saw that he was pretty teary as well. he said that e completely agreed w/ me and that he would always love me no matter what happened. it was really reassuring hearing him say that. it's something that i had in the back my mind for a while.

back to today.....

after i spoke to monica i sat on my ass somemore until daria called me. i was so excited to hear her. i really really miss her. she says that she's having a great time and that everythign is beautiful and amazing. i couldnt help but feel a twinge of jealousy. not bad jealousy, im really happy that she's having a great time, she deserves it! i just sometimes wish i could get out of jersey and away from everyhting. eh- next year i'll go and do somehtin gproductive. she said she met some dude and was goign out w/ him later, but that she also meet some punk that wanted to squat at ehr house. he also wanted to touch her hair, and she thought, "why not? it's already dirty." haha. that's my favorite quote of the day.

after that A called me because he was out of work but i had to go and cook for Matthew because my mom was sick. i didnt really mind except that my dad bitched at me because i wanted to knwo if my mom wanted to eat. arg. by the time i finished i didnt have much time to talk to A because he had to go to the movies for some farewell thingy for one of the counselors at dwight. i sounded really dissappointed and he could tell, because i did. i really dont mind when he goes out or w/e but im bitter that he's always out. he tries to make time for me, ireally appreciate it. i just dont want to lose him. it's really hard knowing that he's goign away soon. it hurts a lot. i know im barely goign to be able to see him. im really scared so im trying to see him as much as possible. like im really glad that he's goign out and enjoying the summer. i guess im also kinda pissed that im not. it sucks staying in the house all day. it's not liek i want to stay in the house and not be active.,i looked for things to do. if ti were up to me i'd be dancing atleast 3 hours a day or rowing from 7-11 or soemthing. god, i sound really bitter.

eh...:ring: yay,it's him. turns out plans changed and he's back at home because the movies are off.

anyway, if it wasn't for mon i think i'd lose my mind. she and i have gotten much closer this past month, well we talk a lot more now. i'm goign to the beach w/ her and her family tomorrow. im really excited. we get to spend "quality time" and i get a tan. shoudl be a lot of fun. we'll prob go to boulevard east to try and watch the fireworks after. A is goign to upstate w/ his friends so i wont hear fomr him. but it should be good, i just need to relax tomorrow and do get some girl time in. i'm gonna finish watchign the simpsons. maybe i'll update later.

until tomorrow, i can pass the time away w/ Thursday night TV
High in the Clouds of Love   
11:31pm 01/07/2003
mood: happy
music: "Save Tonight" Eagle Eye Cherry
:sigh: i dont think my night could have gotten any better. wow. im really happy. ok so after i updated last i jst chilled in beg and watched some movies. i ended up falling asleep for a while and woke up when A called me (for the second time, the first time he told me that he probably wouldnt be able to go to the fair because they hadn't fixed hi car yet) and said that he was just going to fix it another day and that he was definitely coming. i got so excited! i waited a while until i took a shower and got ready. he came over at 7 as i just finished getting ready. we watched The Simpsons for a while and then left.

We were following my dad on the way to the fair and he ended up getting lost however; we made it alright and in one piece. my dad actually let us go on by ourselves. the first ride we went on was this thing called "the ring of fire" i think where they put u in this padded seat and you go around the ring. we were upside down for a while so some stuff came out of my bag. when i asked the dude if he could check to see if i left my cell he told me w/ an attitude, "you're lucky it didnt fall out." bastard. as the night progressed we went on all of the rinky dinky rides where u go through the haunted house. it was a lot of fun, although; i felt like a fool when i screamed because a skeleton jumped out at me. haha. we started playing those carnival games. we must have spent 40 dollars and all we got was a little teal teddy bear that i ended up giving anthony. i figured that since i sleep w/ a bear that he got me at Six Flags i should get him one so that he could do the same. we ended the night at like 9:40 w/ a great ride on the ferris wheel. it was absoloutely beautiful and being with him made me feel like the luckiest person in the world. it was great being in his arms. i dont think it could have thought of a better way to end the day. i just wanted to grab him and kiss him and tell him how much i love him. i couldnt though, there was a couple opposite of us.

as we were getting off of the ferris wheel we saw this now graduated senior, Edgar. when he saw me in A's arms his jaw dropped. he looked so surprised, and i couldnt help but smile.

i had such a great night, i honestly cant believe it. when i look back on it a smile creeps onto my lips even though i don't realize. like i said, things always work out. until tomorrow, for now i'll dream.

"Every day is beautiful." Harvey
Hopefully Lovestruck   
02:03pm 01/07/2003
mood: complacent
music: "La Resistance" South Park soundtrack
i just finished watching Paul Thomas Anderson's "Punch Drunk Love" and i feel like such a romantic. it's an amazing movie abotu this dude who's "strange" but manages to find love and does anything for it. he even goes to hawaii to see this girl. the movie has beautiful artwork and interesting music. it kind of reminded me of "American Beauty". anyway, it was a great movie and i cant help but feel just happy. it's a great feeling.

my mom called me in the middle of watchign it and said that my dad wants to go to this fair in the meadowlands. he also suggested that i bring anthony along. i was surprised, but i felt really hopeful because i havent seen him in a few days. i really miss him. you'd think that i would be alright w/ not seeing him for like 3 days, but it hurts. i really miss being in his arms and just kissing him. so when my dad suggested that he come tonight i was elated. watching the movie and knowing that i'll probably see him later made the sun shine even brighter.

of course after a while of thinkign about it i was like, "shit, he might not have his car tonight". i got pretty upset because i was really hopefull to see him. we'll see what happens. things always work out- they always do. if i dont see him tongiht i'll see him tomorrow. things will be fine.

after the movie ended i was still feelign kind of iffy and my cable wasnt working, damn illegal cable, so i put on "South Park". i'm still watching it now. i think i've seen it about 25 times and not only have i not grown tired of it but i can also sing all of the songs. i think i'llw atch again later, but in french. muhaha.

i think i'll go enjoy it. and take a shower soon. i dont have ot leave for the fair till 7 or so but i think i'll get ready soon, i take for ever.

"Who's my creampuff?....I am."
"?Qui a mon creampuff?...Je suis."

A Supression To Boredom   
11:46pm 30/06/2003
mood: indifferent
music: Third Eye Blind "Save Tonight" - in my head
So this is my first entry. My name is Monica and I'm a gemini who enjoys great plays and long walks on the beach. actually i dont really like the beach; im a pool person myself. anyway, i started this journal to give me something to do. since this is my first summer w/ nothing to do i thought i should atleast entertain myself w/ this. should be interesting. it's 11:49pm now, Anthony, "my babe", is asleep, Monica, my "bestest best friend in the whole wide world", is trying to help me set this up and everyone else is out of the counrty or something so it's just me and "Blind Date" tonight. :) i wish i had company while laughing at the bad dates. wednesday i will, i cant wait. i think im going to go and fix this layout. i'll be back.
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