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Razorblade Kisses

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Ill finally open up inside. [20 Oct 2004|02:28pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]
[ music | Cradle of Filth - Nemesis. ]

ello ello my blurty that I have not written in quite sometime now. I was too washed up in that whole myspace.com trend. But i am sick of that bullshit. so i decided to cancel my account. And it amazes me how its such a big deal, when people come up to you in school "Omg you canceled out of myspace?" as if its the greatest thing in the world. When really it is just dissembled insecure assholes, who are looking for compliments from people cause they suffer from low self esteem and gathering up as many friends as they can so they can make themselves better and sucking people dry.. Unfortunetely, yes I just described myself. But i learned that it didnt work. I felt like i was hiding away from the world behind a computer screen. and it came to the point where it was an addiction. It was kind of sad how I felt accepted and loved through a computer, and how I had everyone fooled. . Meanwhile in reality, I am nothing but a shadow. That was myspace.com. a bunch of icons of self indulgence, changing your identity, constant lies, and beautiful pics to hide the pain inside. I met people through that joke of a site, and none of them worked out. it was always disappointment on both ends. People on there are looking for: Perfection and someone to hook up with, or to just get a esteem boost...but...yet..it all seems transparent and fake. Thats why for some reason, I kinda respect the hate mail that I received. It knocked some sense into me. and realized this was all a utopian illusion. and i got caught up in it.

Reason why I say this...is because lately...if you care enough...i never felt so alone in my life and so casted aside and looked over. Its almost of if, my spirit or soul, or whatever u want to call it...died from overwhelming meloncholy that was toppled over by deceit, and hidden by a mask, which made my condition worse. I am like a walking corpse thats being buried alive by jealousy, insecurities and anguish. I know you may say, lifes too short to be depressed...but..to be honest. i have no faith that my life will get better nothing goes right and people take me for granted. and ive been stuck with this...disease for a long time now..it has become a part of my existence. There are things in my life which i am grate ful for..but yet i feel like they are being deteriorated by the minute. and all my hopes, wishes, wants, needs..have been shattered.

I dont like the person looking back at me when I am facing the mirror.
and at times, I just wanna slice my god damn throat...because despite the beauty on the outside, the misery that formulated on the inside, is breaking through my skin...and is taking over the outside. People can look at me, and say..."You look like you live in a dark atmosphere"or "Tina, whats the matter, you look sad" they notice it...and that scares me..i made myself my own worst enemy....

ive been suffering from suicidal thoughts....last night i saw a razor laying around and i just really wanted to cut myself up.
but im too weak to even do that..so i just went to sleep
but unfortunely i ended up waking up the next morning.

Have you ever confused a dream with life?... // ...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

[10 Jul 2004|03:26pm]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | Nine Inch Nails* The Great Below ]

Couldnt really fall asleep last night. again. what else is new.
I havent been myself lately. I feel..pretty shitty.
but anyway, I had work today. and i had to train someone. and nicole was working. lol yay!
"Andrew can you turn on my lanes" "No but I can turn you on. ::wink wink::" haha youre sucha whore andrew. lol
then after work i went to starbucks to meet up with Mocha and his friend toniann. it was fun i missed the moch man. hahha. then we had quiznos and everytime i look at roast beef rolled up, i am going to vomit, IT DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A CLIT! lmao.
but yeah good times, and that guy was so mean to me! im gonna put his penis into a meat slicer. haha. "hm yes would you like some sliced dick with that?". . i love you mocha and thank you for paying for everything. lol

Have you ever confused a dream with life?... // ...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

[09 Jul 2004|09:49pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]
[ music | Pantera * Cemetery Gates ]

I went to bed around 4 again. This is the second night in a row.
I cant sleep anymore. I think too much.

Todays Lesson, Math on Being Single.

single= can be positive or negetive. and is your a term.
[Taken is another exception for the "A" term but in this problem we are dealing with the single ones.]

To determine your b term, find a symptom of the "a" term that would lead into the "b" term. then multiply.

Lonliness(symptom) x single= depression.
( the "a" term is single and is negetive in this problem, depression is never a good thing)

Depression= lots of thinking, and left to dwell in misery. (depression is ur "b" term)

to find your c term, -b term divided by a term
single = Angry.

Your equation:

-singlex(raised to the 2nd power) +depressionx - angry =0
"Dark Thoughts" and "Self mutilation" factor evenly in the b and c terms.

(x+ dark thoughts) (x - self mutilation)
x= - dark thoughts x = self mutilation

( reject the negetive dark thoughts)

Answer : Self Mutilation or harming one self, which can lead to Suicide.

yeah a little lesson for you.

but anyway, i went to the beach today..and the rave got canceled. that makes me sad. :-(

...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

my space. [09 Jul 2004|03:47am]

...yeah thats me on my space.com
check it outtttttttt
and if you have a thing on that thing.....add me to ur friends. lol cuz i have none
Have you ever confused a dream with life?... // ...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

starbucks [09 Jul 2004|12:11am]
[ mood | full ]
[ music | Incubus * Certain Shade of Green ]

I just got home from spending a night at starbucks.
I had alot of fun. I went with Eileen, but we ran into Rob Alluck, and his friends, that carry knives. but they were cool. I think there names were Will, Nathan and Nicole. lol i dont remember but yeah they are maniacal and my kinda people. rock on. I like meeting new people and Im glad i got to hang out with Rob again. I missed the tall fuck. Then we saw Anthony Bruno, bitching about his water. lol and it was a hi bye thing. nice to see you again lol
"Ill see you soon" "No you wont" "Yeh tru its been about 6 months" hahahaha.

anyway, then we left and then eileen came with us to go to applebees, and that was a episode. hahahaa.
good times. good times. but yeah good night tonight.

...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

you let me violate you [07 Jul 2004|03:47pm]
[ mood | irritated ]
[ music | Iced Earth * When the Eagle Cries ]

Cory came to my house today. To apologize.
I didnt accept.

I hear knocking on my door, and I didnt wanna answer it, and I look out the window to see who it is. I saw corys yellow, 2001 nissan frontier. in my driveway, and im like ugh. (cuz i just woke up and im in pajamas) so i answer the door, and he stands there with a smile on his face, and im just like "What the hell are you doing here?" then i was like "You come to my house to save your ass and apologize, but when I ask you to pick me up so we can go out, you dont?" hes like Im sorry, blah blah, And he showed me all the text messages he sent me,
for instance, I love you tina, please forgive me, if you dont want to see me anymore ill understand, i dont want to lose you, some lyric to a song...and all that fucking bullshit.
so he showed me them and i kinda threw his phone at him. and i was like you have no idea how pissed off I am.
You did this to me three times. Im not gonna wait for you. You really fucking hurt me, you dont even call me? WTF. so yeah we kept going on, and he kept sobbing and apologizing and i didnt answer him. There was even a moment where i thought he was gonna go into a fit of rage. I was like, "give me a day to calm down and stuff" and hes like "We havent seen each other in a week" "then im like "Well one more day is not gonna make that much of a difference," then he pouted. and he tried to get me to feel bad for him, hes like "You know I always end up screwing things up for myself, like Ill look back 2 years from now, and be like wow, i cant believe i did that" and murmered Im sorry, Im sorry... I was like I really dont wanna see you anymore, just go home and dont come back"
and he left with a saddended face and crap. but i dont care.
so yeah, we're done.

My words are weapons in which I murder you with.
Have you ever confused a dream with life?... // ...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

[07 Jul 2004|12:04pm]
"Beauty Fiend"
By: My Ruin

It's true, Ive got demons inside me
and sometimes they need to speak
My dark spaces make me feel ugly
MY lips are glossed but my heart is weak
I'm Diseased
As seen on Tv
Please forgive me
For not being pretty
or sexy
But God never blessed me
Here's what you'll find
Next time you undress me


Watch me bleed
I'm your beauty
Watch me bleed
Beauty Fiend

Once Again
Without perfect teeth
I begin
The dream as I sleep
Soon Ive sinned
My skin is still think
My mouth as always is brutally honest
At my calmest
Im tired of explaining
How it feels
To be exploited
and rated
Number One Two OR Seventeen
Fuck what they print in those damn magazines


Watch me bleed
I'm no beauty
Watch me bleed
Beauty queen

Watch me bleed
I'm your beauty
Watch me bleed
Beauty Fiend

Stuck inside this mask of mine
There's no place for me to hide
Won't you please come suck me dry
Don't touch me
Don't touch me... WHY?
Can't you see beyond my skin
I am not your PRETTY FACE
I'm just a girl
The girl you love to hate

Watch me bleed

I'm no beauty
Watch me bleed
Beauty queen
Watch me bleed
I'm the beauty
Watch me bleed

Why can't you see beyond my skin
I am not your PRETTY FACE
I'm just a girl
The girl you love to hate

Stuck inside this mask of mine
There's no place for me to hide
Won't you please come suck me dry
...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

i stole this from kates away message [07 Jul 2004|01:36am]
She's a fool 'cause she has this longing for him, but she's scared to tell him and find out what he'll say...
He has a rule that he can never seem too interested, because he's scared that she might not feel the same way.
And she wishes he loved her when...there's no other he'd prefer.

i like that.
...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

kill me faster, with strawberry gashes all over. [06 Jul 2004|07:23pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | Jack off Jill * Strawberry Gashes ]

Cory, i hate you. and you really need to drop dead.

This is what happened......

He called me last night, and we made plans to hang out today. okay cool.
Around 2 today, i got in touch with him, and he even asked me if we were still hanging out, and i said yeah come over around 5, and he said..okay.

Its about 4:59. and i continue to wait.
Luckily, I had shawn and rob to keep me company. I LOVE YOU GUYS OH SO MUCH. THANK YOU.
Its now. 6 and he still didnt show up, so i called his cell, and his stupid friend picks up, and im like "oh wheres cory?" "uhhh cory, yeah....um hes sick"

can we say...lame? If you are that sick, you dont have anybody over. and if so, ur friend is fucking retarded to watch you throw up.

so yeah. im mad. you dont even have the decency to call me and at least make up lie to me to tell me you cant hang out, but then you pull that shit. First of all, I have no patience for games. Its all or nothing. dont toy with me you dickless son of a bitch. And dont leave me hanging...thats what...three fucking times? you know what..i am done with you. and if this is because of the whole thing when i deprived you. good im glad. You only want me around when it only conviences you. well you deserve nothing. you dont deserve me. I can find better. and I will. Take your fucking funeral homes, and shove em up your ass. Yeah, you may be "crazy" and you are on pills...I have my moments too..and i dont have pills to supress me. you made me mad. Not cool. And i hope you burn in hell. asshole.

Have you ever confused a dream with life?... // ...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

[05 Jul 2004|04:45pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | Slipknot * The Opium of the People ]

My life is starting to crumble again. YAY.
Shit has been going on, inside our house, that you dont need to know about...but yeah its sucking pretty bad.
And now this...the only thing keeping somewhat content with life, my boyfriend...decides to be an irresponsible bastard. "Tina, we are going to hang out tomorrow, what do u want to do, blah blah" "I dont know, just come pick me up and we'll figure something out, I'll call you tomorrow, when I wake up" "Okay, ill see you tomorrow"

So, I wake up, called him like i said...No answer.
I text messaged him...no answers to that either.
Yeah, he'll call me around 1 in the morning, with an excuse.
Hes really pissing me off.
Dont say youre going to do something, and then dont.
If anything, pick up the fucking phone and call me and let me know that you cant hang out today or whatever.
thats all, a fucking phone call.
Im better then this.
Im not waiting.
I am so sick of everyones crap. i really am.
are you sad? GOOD. sucks to be you. i dont care anymore.
....oh im pissed, and things arent going well...what are you going to?
no, you wont comfort me,
you'll rub shit in my face how perfect your life is right? heh. just. die.

Have you ever confused a dream with life?... // ...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

another survey. [04 Jul 2004|10:18pm]
hair: Black and long
eyes: brown
height: 5
weight: i have no clue.

clothing: um..i wear black alot.
music: Any type of Metal really.
makeup: lots of black eyeliner. um...sometimes lip gloss with lipliner..or sometimes i dont wear anything. pending my mood.
body art: don't have any tattoos yet
piercings: eyebrow, 1 hole in each ear...

wearing: black capris and pink floyd shirt
listening to: A Perfect Circle
thinking of: Cory.

bought: stuff from 7-11
did: typed to the last question
ate: yogurt
drank: diet soda
read: currently reading Interview with the Vampire
watched on tv: Spiderman

club or houseparty: house party
tea or coffee: Tea
high achiever or easy-going: easy going
beer or cider: Beer
drinks or shots: shots
cats or dogs: dogs
single or taken: Taken.
pen or pencil: pencil
gloves or mittens: Gloves
food or candy: Food
cassette or CD: CD
snuff or cigarettes: Neither
Coke or Pepsi: pepsi
hard or mild alcohol: hard
matches or a lighter: Lighter
Ricki Lake or Maury Povich: Maury.

kill: I have ONE person in mind.
slap: That cunt.
hear from: Cory
get really wasted with: it dont matter, who ever
tickle: Cory, hes so ticklish too. tee hee
look like: Angelina Jolie....but i cant..so i guess Myself
be like: Myself
avoid: the scum of society

food: shrimp...
drink: strawberry daquiris. lol
color: black, blue/purple/silver
album: Iced Earth-Horror Show, all of the apc and tool albums as well.
shoes: boots and my skull sandels
site: blurty I suppose
dance: I don't dance... I mosh
song: too many to list.
vegetable: cucumbers
fruit: grapes

last movie you saw: Spiderman
last phone number you called: Corys
last song you heard: Swamped by Lacuna Coil
last time you showered: yesterday
last time you cried: um...a while ago
last time you smiled: today
last time you laughed: today
last person you hugged: Dan
last person you kissed: Cory
last thing you said: shut up, to my sister or whatever
last person you talked to online: Kate
last person you talked to on the phone: Jackie
last thing you smelled: um i dont know

smoke: no
do drugs: No
drink: not really anymore
have sex: nah
sleep with stuffed animals: No
have a crush: Yes
have a boyfriend/girlfriend: Yes
have a dream that keeps coming back: yes....4 nights in a row. GO AWAY
play an instrument: Bass....not good tho
believe there is life on other planets: probably
read the newspaper: nah
have any gay or lesbian friends: probably
believe in miracles: Yes
believe it's possible to remain faithful forever: i dont know
consider yourself tolerant of others: for the most part
consider police a friend or foe: depends
like the taste of alcohol: sometimes
have a favorite Stooge: No
believe in astrology: yes
believe in magic: Yes
pray: no
have any secrets: yeah
have any pets: mhm
go to or plan to go to college: mhm
have a degree: No
talk to strangers who instant message you: usually
wear hats: no
hate yourself: sometimes
have a "hot spot": Yes
wish on stars: yes
like your handwriting: sometimes
believe in witches: Yes
believe in Satan: Yes
believe in ghosts: Yes
trust others easily: nooo
like sarcasm: yes
take walks in the rain: sometimes
kiss with your eyes closed: Yes
sing in the shower: Yes
...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

survey...im bored [04 Jul 2004|08:29pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Tool * Sober ]

.. ] first name: Tina
[ .. ] middle name: Marie
[ .. ] nickname(s): Tangerine
[ .. ] gender: female
[ .. ] birthday: November 13th.
[ .. ] height: 5"
[ .. ] hair color: Black
[ .. ] eye color: light brown
[ .. ] do you wear glasses or contacts: nope
[ .. ] do you have braces: nope
[ .. ] is your hair long or short: long and short, i dont know
[ .. ] where were you born: stoneybrook hospital?
[ .. ] current location: Long Island....i might be moving though. well...yeah.
[ .. ] zodiac sign: Scorpio biotch
[ .. ] how many languages do you know: english a bit of italian and spanish.
[ .. ] bad habit: nail biting when nervous
[ .. ] piercings you have: 1 in each ear, and eyebrow.
[ .. ] piercings you want: navel when my stomach is more flatter, and nipples. lmao yes.
[ .. ] tattoos you have: none
[ .. ] tattoos you want: a scorpion by my ankle area, the APC logo with the tool flaming eye in the middle on my lower back. a fairy somewhere, a crescent moon somewhere too.
[ .. ] today's date: July 4th
[ .. ] the time: 8:33pm

: favorites :
[ .. ] number(s): 13
[ .. ] shoes: any boots
[ .. ] saying: "Yesterday Dont Matter if Its Gone"
[ .. ] tv show: south park
[ .. ] sport: eh volleyball
[ .. ] vegetable: cucumbers
[ .. ] fruit: grapes
[ .. ] candy: sour worms
[ .. ] gum: winterfresh
[ .. ] candy bar: reeses? lol
[ .. ] ice cream flavor: chocolate c
[ .. ] color: black, blue, purple silver
[ .. ] season: autumn, summer
[ .. ] holiday: Halloween
[ .. ] type of music: METAL
[ .. ] thing in your room: my bed. i love my bed. lol nightmare before christmas comforter and spider web bed canopy over it. yes its hot.
[ .. ] place to be: beach
[ .. ] tv channel: comedy central
[ .. ] overall food: whatever...
[ .. ] store: I don't know....
[ .. ] fast food: Wendys
[ .. ] restaurant: applebees
[ .. ] shape: dont kno
[ .. ] time of day: nighttime
[ .. ] mall: smithehaven
[ .. ] board game: clue, monopoly.
[ .. ] car: Mercedes SL 500 or Chevy Camaro Z28
[ .. ] word: dont know
[ .. ] month: October
[ .. ] team: um
[ .. ] possession: hm my cds

: what memory or word comes to mind when you hear :
[ .. ] eminem: my dad banging his head to his music
[ .. ] dog: ma....GOOD MOVIE
[ .. ] sexy: beast
[ .. ] christina aguilera: blah
[ .. ] nsync: fags
[ .. ] orange: juice
[ .. ] choice: guys
[ .. ] Shit: stain
[ .. ] insane clown posse: they curse alot.
[ .. ] linkin park: meh
[ .. ] jack: off jill.
[ .. ] cherry: burst
[ .. ] cucumber: dick
[ .. ] shark: attack!
[ .. ] lifehouse: beach
[ .. ] bat: vampire
[ .. ] leather: chains
[ .. ] whips: KINKY
[ .. ] water: park
[ .. ] volcano: lava
private life :
[ .. ] do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend: yes
[ .. ] do you have a crush: yeah thats why i have a boyfriend u douche
[ .. ] do you love anyone right now: yes I love cory.
[ .. ] have you ever been in love: yes
[ .. ] do you love more than one person: no
[ .. ] how many hearts of have you broken: None?
[ .. ] how many people broke your heart: 2
[ .. ] do you have a picture of him/her: not yet
[ .. ] do you have a picture of yourself: yeah
[ .. ] do you go by looks or personality: personality, and yeah im a bit shallow, i mean...you have to be somewhat attractive, i dont wanna put a bag over ur head when we go out.
[ .. ] bungee jump: no
[ .. ] sky dive: no
[ .. ] scuba dive: no
[ .. ] go rock climbing: no
[ .. ] who's hot: Me
[ .. ] steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: no
[ .. ] cross-dress: nahh
[ .. ] lie to the police: mhm
[ .. ] run from the police: yes lol
[ .. ] walk up to a stranger and kiss them: nope
[ .. ] walk out of a restaurant without paying: yeah...chinese buffets are the easiest.

: have you ever :
[ .. ] told the person you liked how you felt: yea
[ .. ] been to Michigan: no
[ .. ] gotten really REALLY wasted: nah
[ .. ] gone to jail or juvi: no
[ .. ] skateboarded: yeah
[ .. ] stolen anything: yes
[ .. ] kicked someone's ass: yeah
[ .. ] pegged someone in the head with a snowball: haha yea
[ .. ] broke a beer bottle: yeah
[ .. ] flipped someone off: all the time
[ .. ] gone on a road trip: no
[ .. ] gone on vacation without adult supervision: no
[ .. ] been to a concert: yep
[ .. ] been to another country: nope
[ .. ] talked back to an adult: yea
[ .. ] got pulled over: not while I was driving
[ .. ] got in a car accident: nothing major
[ .. ] given money to a homeless person: no
[ .. ] cried to get out of trouble: yeah
[ .. ] kissed a friend's brother or sister: no
[ .. ] kissed a brother or sister's friend: no
[ .. ] dropped something on the floor that you were cooking and let someone eat it anyways: Yeah lol

. : opinions : .
[ .. ] what do you think..about pop music: its crap.
[ .. ] about boy bands: retarded.
[ .. ] of the war on terrorists: NUKE THE FUCKING PRICKS. ehm sorry. Its bad.
[ .. ] about suicide: I cant say its wrong, because I have thought about it, I cant say its right either. However I feel like people who think about suicide, just cant handle the pain that is being pressured on them and they dont know how to handle it. so they feel its the solution.
[ .. ] about people who try to force their opinions on you: well dont. cuz im a firm believer in what i believe in. and thats that.
[ .. ] about abortion: pending the situation, if you got pregnant without having protected sex, have the kid. because it is your fault. the baby shouldnt have to suffer, but if your below 18 years or younger, then get one, because a 16 year old shouldnt have a kid. if you got raped and got pregnant...then its a different story.
[ .. ] about rock/metal music: IT IS MY LIFE
[ .. ] where do you think you'll be in 10 years: in school for Law. maybe have a husband and such.
[ .. ] who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: i really dont know.

: what did you do :
[ .. ] last birthday: i hada sweet sixteen party.
[ .. ] last weekend: worked, hung out with Cory
[ .. ] christmas: opened presents
[ .. ] thanksgiving: I can't remember
[ .. ] new year's eve: nothing
[ .. ] halloween: hung out with vicki, nicole,paul,rob, and tami
[ .. ] easter: slept
[ .. ] valentine's day: hung out with kim and eileen, for ANTI LOVERS DAY! hah

: the last :
[ .. ] thing you ate: cheeseburger
[ .. ] thing you drank: diet soda
[ .. ] thing you wore: black capri's and pink floyd tshirt
[ .. ] place you went: jackies house
[ .. ] thing you got pierced/tattooed: brow motherfucka
[ .. ] person you saw: my sister
[ .. ] person you hugged: Dan, I think. at sports plus.
[ .. ] person you talked to: mom
[ .. ] song you heard: Dont fear the reaper-blue oyster cult
[ .. ] what are you eating: nothing
[ .. ] what are you drinking: nothing
[ .. ] what are you wearing: same thing as above
[ .. ] any shoes on: nope
[ .. ] hair: down
[ .. ] talking to anyone: no

: yes or no :
[ .. ] are you a vegetarian: no
[ .. ] do you like cows: i like to eat them
[ .. ] are you a bitch: oh yes.
[ .. ] are you artistic: meh...
[ .. ] do you write poetry: all the time
[ .. ] can you ski: no
[ .. ] are you british: nope
[ .. ] did you ever give barbie a haircut: i ripped off their heads. I HATE BARBIE
[ .. ] would you eat mac & cheese with hot dogs in it: no
[ .. ] are you straight: yes
[ .. ] are you short: very
[ .. ] are you tall: lol no
[ .. ] are you a typical teenager: meh no
[ .. ] do you shop at hot topic: sometimes

.: random questions :
[ .. ] if you could be any animal, what would you be: panther
[ .. ] if you had to eat and drink one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?: shrimp with garlic sauce and diet soda.
[ .. ] do you remember any of your dreams: yea
[ .. ] do you dream in color or black and white: color
[ .. ] do you admit when you need help with a problem: usually
[ .. ] can people read you like a book: pendin the person
[ .. ] what's your biggest fear: no one coming to my funeral. and fire. i hate. fire. lol
[ .. ] do you talk a lot: sometimes
[ .. ] are you afraid of clowns: kinda
[ .. ] do you like spiders: they dont bother me.
[ .. ] how about grape kool-aid: the kool aid guy is cannibal.
[ .. ] do you drive: yeah.
[ .. ] are you spoiled: meh kinda.
[ .. ] are you anti-social: i have my moments.
[ .. ] any last words: k that amused me for awhile
[ .. ] now that this is over, what are you going to do: watch a movie
[ .. ] what is the time now: 8:57

...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

[04 Jul 2004|07:57pm]
[ mood | sore ]
[ music | Van Halen * Jamie's Crying ]

4th of July. sucks. lol...its really a night holiday.
Anywho, so I went to Jackie House today...also know as the one mighty God. and I had alot of fun. First we were jammin, she was on guitar and I was on bass...oh yeah...MY MOM TOLD ME I WAS SPECIAL! hahahha., that will be a hit song one day.Jackie is the type where I can pick my nose, and be a complete imbecile...and she would go along with it. So thats what we did, we wandered the streets of Ronkonkoma, and harassed little kids walking on Johnson Avenue, by talking about how our uterus sheds. They were tramatized. Haha, and I was laughing pretty obnoxiously, you have to hear it. it is pretty funny, i had jackie in tears! YES!. We walked to 7-11, got slurpees, and chocolate pretzels, then we went to the pizza place, but they were closed so we went to the bakery and strangely they were open and not pizza, so we got a cookie and a brownie, and just sat in the chinese resturant and ate our dessert things. lmao ::as the chinese man anxiously waits for us to order food:: so we ate there, wiped our crap on the chinese place floor then left., then we go to cross, Ocean Avenue, in the middle of traffic, jackie loses her shoe. so she hada like run in traffic to get it. lmao You stupid FUCK ASS! heh heh he he he heh he. MIGHTY VAG WOMAN! then we came home, blasted Nine Inch Nails, and had pizza :-) and her party is coming up so thats awesome. I gotta make alot of mixes for it though. :-) yay.

Cory called me at like 2 in the morning, and yeah that made me happy. I was so glad to hear from him, we are probably going to hang out tomorrow. YAY. so yeah today was fun.

...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

[04 Jul 2004|12:40am]
[ mood | worried ]
[ music | Arch Enemy * Dark Insanity ]

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away

I went to the beach today. And it was like Manhattan, umbrella style.
Anyway, I fell asleep around 2 and I woke up around 5:30 this morning, and then i tried to go back to bed. But that didnt work out, I got my things together for the beach and crap, and vicki came to my house around 9:20, along with Kristin and Sean. So then we went to go get Nicole, but she was still sleeping when we got to her house, so to kill time, and let nicole get ready, we went back to vickis house, got some stuff, and then we got Bagels. Jesus. WHAT IF I DONT WANNA HAVE A NICE DAY! haha. then, we went to 7-11 and I had to get shampoo for my hair, so i can take a shower at the beach, cuz unfortunetely, my water heater is broke. so yeah. So we get Nicole. Then we're off to the beach, and we were almost there, until Kristin was like "AHH GO BACK TO MY HOUSE!. so we go back to kristins house, so she can get her weed, and then we were finally off. lol, we got to the beach around 11ish. We sat in the parking lot for a few minutes so kristin and vicki can do their thing, and me and nicole kinda just sat there. so we finally get on to the beach and we get settled and the first sight we see is this guy in front of us, about 40, hairy, bending over with his ass in our faces. that was attractive. I drenched myself in Hawaiian Tropic Tanning Oil. and I got color. :-) yay, but my knee..is burned and hurts like hell. JUST MY KNEE! anyway, kristin kept hitting on the guys that go around the beach selling, ice cream and crap, and we had a european type of guy with a cute accent, and had an eyebrow ring, i got all giddy. lmao anyway, so we left the beach because it was too crowded and the waves sucked ass, i went in the water a bit, but eh...so we left, and vicki dropped me off around 2ish. I took a nap. woke up, ate, and watched a huge firework show that was going off near my house. it was pretty awesome.
I havent seen cory in like ever, and im pretty upset about that. I miss him so much.
I tried calling and text messaged him, but apparently he never got them orhe did and hes just ignoring me. i dont know...i dont think i did anything wrong for him to be mad at me. okay, im just getting paranoid.
i dont wanna jump to conclusions. thats bad.
and yeah..that was day.
...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

I hope you choke on the misery that you poisoned me with [03 Jul 2004|07:51am]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | The Noose * A Perfect Circle ]

You left me
brittle. fragile. vulnerable.
dont leave me like this
finish it off.
and smash me.

mmkay. a few things...you people obviously dont know me.
Please. dont piss me off. especially if I tolerated enough crap from you
I promise you that....i will make sure to bring you down in some way.

me +ocean = tranquility.

conclusion: people who are snippy, are people who lack good sex. must suck to be you. but really dont take it out me.

"Your halo slipping down to choke you now"
Have you ever confused a dream with life?... // ...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

[02 Jul 2004|01:05am]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Lacuna Coil * Comalies ]

So, today i went to the * Battle of the Bands* at sports plus
It was boring for awhile, until the end of night, then it got better.
I hung out with maribeth, kate and nicole, most of the night, then Dan, Bruno and Bevin came along, i almost killed them with my hair..cuz i was headbanging...sorry =[
then i attempted to DDR....that went...well.
and I am not a whore...i just dress like one, so my chest was a tad exposed. big deal.
people who make tina insecure = bad
and yeah..i need advil.

...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

dolefully desired [30 Jun 2004|01:09am]
[ mood | giddy ]
[ music | Mindless Self Indulgence * Bring the Pain ]

Our love shall never die,
Our fire will forever burn,
and mesmerize our hearts.
It will travel through the impetuous storms ,
And will constellate in the midnight skies.
You can hear it when the thunder roars
And see it when the lightning soars.
The stars will become jealous,
the waves will rage, and the moon will cry
Our love will shine through the obscure clouds
and the wind will whisper the serenades.

that was made up by me.

I was talking to cory, and i said something that made him say "Oh god, I got a poet" and I was like "yeah i am, a good one too, ill write a poem for you right now" and so i did. and above is what i wrote to him. and his face grew sad, then he smirked...and then he kissed me as if i was gonna die the next day. ah i love it.
i got to see him today, that made me happy...we went to his house, chillaxed...and then we went out to wendys. lol..and yeah then he hada go to work :-( oh well.

tomorrow i have work only for 2 hours. and i think an interview for Katherine Gibbs. cuz im going to buisness school. hahaha yeah.
and i passed all my regents! woo!

ok that is all. goodnight everyone
...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

[28 Jun 2004|11:51pm]
[ mood | upset ]
[ music | Slayer * Dead Skin Mask ]

Today was a good and bad day.

My dad is making me feel like shit with this whole piercing issue.
hes making me regret it.

i didnt see cory today.

i went to the mall with jenna and eileen. that was fun. lol :-)
i got hit on by the wendys man. lolol and ::sniff:: WHERES THE WEED?!? ::guy starts following eileen::
and that stupid hot topic kid. hahahah TINA IS THIS THE BAND U WERE LOOKING FOR?!?

and yeah thats all.

...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

yes! [28 Jun 2004|04:33pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Otep * Menocide ]

okay i got my eyebrow pierced. and the place i went to was pretty awesome its called Tattoo seen right by the flea market. anyway, so yeah at first, my mom goes to the girl, "Yeah Hi, my daughter wants her face pierced" and the girl was like "The whole thing?" im like "no my eyebrow" lol but then we forgot a notary, so we left, got the stupid and pointless notary, came back, picked out my barbell that i wanted...and then i went into the "room" i was a little nervous. considering it was like my first piercing. and all but whatever. the needle was fucking huge. lmao. but yeah she put the needle in...it didnt hurt. at all. I bled alot. but im happy with it. my mom hates piercings and my dad well he kinda flipped out. lmao. yay.

...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

george carlin [27 Jun 2004|04:08pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Nightwish * Devil & The Deep Dark Ocean ]

"Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it, religion has actually convinced people that there's an INVISIBLE MAN...LIVING IN THE SKY...who watches every thing you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten special things that he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry for ever and ever 'til the end of time...but he loves you."

-George Carlin

...Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted

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