10th July 2008

7:18pm: My rationality***
2 Days ago, me and danielle had the biggest talk we ever had in our lives. It was very emotional and deep, and it just made me love her even more as my best friend. She told me everything about Cliff, and how she felt, and how literally psycho and mentally abusing he was. Its really bad. I just remember telling her, you know what, your my best friend, your loving, calm, and the best person i know, and you desserve so much better then Cliff , even Matt for that matter. And i just broke down crying while i was saying it, and because i cried, she started to cry. Even though its sad, i felt happy, because i loved her so much. And i never felt that before, i mean i always loved her, but i never had that omg ill cry for u i love you so much feeling, that kinda thing. And dani is usu very self controlled, so for her to cry really meant something. My point is that i loves her.

Today, me scott and dan went out to a japanese place for lunch. Then we went to commerce bank and stopped to play scratchoffs. Me and Dan both won, Scott couldnt win nothing lol. It was so funny, everyone kept looking at him, and he was just like omg this is bull, lol. Afterwards we picked up Dani and went shopping. Then me dani and scott went back to her house to swim. It was fun. Scott told me that him and Ant were gonna play tennis later. And i was like oh! Ant asked me yesterday if we wanted to hang out, he said we would. So i was a little upset, so then after pool Scott calls Ant and suposedly Scott says that Ant said that he had no plans and that he planned on playing tennis. Sooo, i was pretty upset. I talked to Dani. She makes me so much more rational. Because when i dwell on things inside my head i just get more upset, but if i talk to her or others about it, i tend to feel better. Well it also depends on who i talk to. Anyway, Ive come to the conclusion that, if he forgot about it, then thats ok. If he only plays for like an hour or so and then calls me, then thats fine. But if he plays till like 9 or 9:30, or atleast hangs out with Scott for that long, i will not be able to help getting a little mad. But i will be rational mad, i will tell him, ahemm....Did you remember i have no play practice today? I assumed we would be hanging out. Also I think it is a little unfair that you are hanging out with Scott, when you are going to play golf with him tomorrow, which will be from 6-8 hours, depending on how long it will take.

I think that is a fairly reasonable argument, and I refuse to be emotional or just over the top, and he cant get mad at me, because i have been trying. Last night i did not even get to see him. And i let him hang with his friends on sunday, and any day he wants. But the one night i'm free, i want him to want to be with me and know enough to think, well this is time i can hang with Justine, i should take it. Is that seriously too much to ask for???
Current Mood: lonely
7:50pm: ****:)
So he called me now, which is 7:50, scott wanted to stop playin cuz he back hurt tho, but im sure he woulda def called me at like 8 or 8:30, which is good, im ok, i didnt even bring it up then, cuz its not that big of a deal then.
Current Mood: betterz
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