UPDATE~!!! [15 Sep 2008|03:46pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Go Selena and Demi, woot ] Sooo, Ive been doing pretty good. My birthday went great, Vacation was awesum, i never wanted to leave. This summer i filmed quite a few things because i got my new camera. Me and Ant's 11 month anniversary is this friday, which happens to be the dress rehearsal/dinner for his brother's wedding. I went shopping with Alyssa for like all day looking for a dress for the wedding and a nice shirt for the dinner. I found both, im not too crazy about the dress, i wanted something more fun, instead its just plain black, but elegant. Ant asked me today wut he wanted to buy me for our 1 year anniversary lol. He wants to get me xbox 360, which i do want, but i dont think it ever occured to him to buy me like jewlery or lengerie, or any of that stuff. Cuz that would be romantic and sexy. I mean i love video games cuz im a dork like that, but i duno i guess i wanted something sexy. I cant wait for the 360 tho, rainbow here i come. I'll have to get him something too, not sure what yet though, hes a tricky one to buy for because everything he wants he just buys it himself....soo i have to think. In the meantime i have weddings to go to and films to do, its tough semester with Multi Media :( anyway i just wanted to update in my journal cuz i havent in awhile. <3 And I am happy, despite my every now and then of sadness, like when i watched the trailer for P.S. I love you, I started crying hysterically, I think Ant thought I was crazy lol. comment

its my birthday and ill cry if i want to? [29 Jul 2008|10:21am] [ mood | indifferent ] I am worried about my bday, im going to AC with Scott and Ant, and i knew they would make the day about themselves. Its AC, Scotts not gonna want to leave, and then he was like we will go to the beach next day and to crab house, i was like ok. But i feel like its my birthday and i should be able to do wut i want. So yesterday i was real upset, i think i was pmsing, but i duno i just felt so depressed. And Ant was playing poker at Scotts house, Again. I wish scott would get a girlfriend, cuz then he'd have something to do and he wouldnt ask Ant to hang out every single day. But Ant wants to hang out with him, he says hes trying to split the time equaly, but im his girlfriend, i dont think it should be equal, it should be him wanting to be with me more and then every now and then he sees his friends. Atleast thats how i am with him. And i got that way because he used to get mad/sad if i didnt want to be with him everyday. It funny, cuz i changed the way i was for him, but now that hes changed, he doesnt and he wont change back. He told me to change, basically. Well i dont really want to change, i feel like i changed for him, and now he changed, so he shouild change back. It makes sense. I told him yesterday i gave up poker for him, which i did. And hes like yea well it took you three months....does it matter how long it took me, i gave it up for him, cuz it used to bother him when i wanted to play it over seing him. But it would be too much for him to give up seeing scott for me. Im stuck, i love him, but i want him for myself i guess, and he doesnt feel the same, and if things dont change i cant stay like this. I think things will change once summer is over, because all of Ant's friends, who have no girlfriends too make time for, have way to much time on their hands so they do something different everyday. So hopefully once summer is over, things will change, otherwise, i dont know what to do. comment

So yea*** [13 Jul 2008|09:47pm] [ mood | Spiteful ] At work on friday, Ms Trop. comes down and she walks into the office thingy. I was sitting down cutting out ant hills for the craft for tomorrow, and i guess she noticed me. Then later Megan tells Karen that she came up to her and was like, How come whenever i come down i see Justine sitting doing a stupid craft. I overheard Megan telling Karen, and I was like omggggg... first off, she frigen asked me to make a poster for her which came awesum if i must say so myself, and then that morning Jeannie asked me to make a poster as well, and i did. And the craft was necessary and it literally took only 15 minutes to do, she just happened to come as soon as i was doing the craft. Man, i seriously want to write her a letter that tells how i am feeling once i quit at the end of the summer. So here goes, this is my letter to my asshole boss... Dear Ms. Tropiano If you haven't already heard, I QUIT. You are by far the greediest, foulest, sexist, meanest person I have ever met. You do not give a crap about this library, but rather about your fat ass and how good it looks to the government and other libraries. All you care is that you save money so that it makes you look good, it makes no difference whether the books are all out of order or if the books go to crap, as long as you are saving money for your fat paycheck at the end of the month, then you are happy. You are so greedy that you will hire disable kids to put the books away, even though they do a horrible job, but you don't care, you get the money you pay them back from the government. Good deed my ass, its all for the sake of money. I really feel bad for your sad lonely life. You treat people the exact way you feel inside, which is like crap. Ban my library card, I'm sure ill find some way to survive (sarcasm). And don't forget that when you treat people the way you do, you are only deepening your sorry life. By the way if you thought people actually like you, you are clearly delusional. Everyone hates you, and trust me no one will miss you when you retire. But I'm sure you will stay at the library until you are 80 years old, because you are a sad old lady with no life and nothing to look forward to. With Best Wishes, Justine --------------------------- I am not really sending this, but I would love too :) :) comment

(**) [11 Jul 2008|08:38am] [ mood | seepy..... -_- ] [ music | I dont wanna go to work :( ] Ant called me at like 7:50 to hang out, which is completely fine, cuz then its almost like instead of working out at the gym, he got his workout with tennis, and then he wanted to be with me :) ...we watched Planet Earth which is pretty amazing comment

****:) [10 Jul 2008|07:50pm] [ mood | betterz ] So he called me now, which is 7:50, scott wanted to stop playin cuz he back hurt tho, but im sure he woulda def called me at like 8 or 8:30, which is good, im ok, i didnt even bring it up then, cuz its not that big of a deal then. comment

My rationality*** [10 Jul 2008|07:18pm] [ mood | lonely ] 2 Days ago, me and danielle had the biggest talk we ever had in our lives. It was very emotional and deep, and it just made me love her even more as my best friend. She told me everything about Cliff, and how she felt, and how literally psycho and mentally abusing he was. Its really bad. I just remember telling her, you know what, your my best friend, your loving, calm, and the best person i know, and you desserve so much better then Cliff , even Matt for that matter. And i just broke down crying while i was saying it, and because i cried, she started to cry. Even though its sad, i felt happy, because i loved her so much. And i never felt that before, i mean i always loved her, but i never had that omg ill cry for u i love you so much feeling, that kinda thing. And dani is usu very self controlled, so for her to cry really meant something. My point is that i loves her. Today, me scott and dan went out to a japanese place for lunch. Then we went to commerce bank and stopped to play scratchoffs. Me and Dan both won, Scott couldnt win nothing lol. It was so funny, everyone kept looking at him, and he was just like omg this is bull, lol. Afterwards we picked up Dani and went shopping. Then me dani and scott went back to her house to swim. It was fun. Scott told me that him and Ant were gonna play tennis later. And i was like oh! Ant asked me yesterday if we wanted to hang out, he said we would. So i was a little upset, so then after pool Scott calls Ant and suposedly Scott says that Ant said that he had no plans and that he planned on playing tennis. Sooo, i was pretty upset. I talked to Dani. She makes me so much more rational. Because when i dwell on things inside my head i just get more upset, but if i talk to her or others about it, i tend to feel better. Well it also depends on who i talk to. Anyway, Ive come to the conclusion that, if he forgot about it, then thats ok. If he only plays for like an hour or so and then calls me, then thats fine. But if he plays till like 9 or 9:30, or atleast hangs out with Scott for that long, i will not be able to help getting a little mad. But i will be rational mad, i will tell him, ahemm....Did you remember i have no play practice today? I assumed we would be hanging out. Also I think it is a little unfair that you are hanging out with Scott, when you are going to play golf with him tomorrow, which will be from 6-8 hours, depending on how long it will take. I think that is a fairly reasonable argument, and I refuse to be emotional or just over the top, and he cant get mad at me, because i have been trying. Last night i did not even get to see him. And i let him hang with his friends on sunday, and any day he wants. But the one night i'm free, i want him to want to be with me and know enough to think, well this is time i can hang with Justine, i should take it. Is that seriously too much to ask for??? comment

all good [07 Jul 2008|01:38pm] [ mood | hungry ] I talked to ant, he said he was joking, he thought it was funny wen he turned around and there was danielles butt. I believes him and it was funny, i guess it just surprised me and i was like wtf lol. Ms Trop asked me to make a poster for her today at work, this is good cuz this must mean she likes my work, which is good. Megan is still so bossy, she makes everything i do seem like nothing or unimportant, but shes leavin soon for her honeymoon, thanks god. Tonight i have my first practice for the play. Im Princess sumthin lol, they did it so that i could perform on the 8th and 9th and Yasmin will perform on the 15th and 16th, which is good, then i can still do it and go down the shore :) i <3s ant maybe i jus get insecure sometimes, its me, i cant help it comment

a lil sad [07 Jul 2008|01:50am] [ mood | blah ] I had a great time at the play "Title of Show", it was cute and really got me inspired. I went with Amanda my mom and my aunt. Amanda btw told me she had sex, she was only 16 and the guy was 23 or sumthin, so yea, pretty messed up. But my aunt broke them up. My mom still has yet to find out that ive had sex, which she we hopefully never find out. I was going through the video footage of the 4th of july stuff i shot, and i duno if i should even care or not, but obv this is what is bothering me. Some of the stuff was shot by Ant and Dani, and Ant apparantly shot Dani walking towards him, which kinda gets close on her boob, i duno if it was intentional or not, but then he follows her as she turns and she bends down and its clearly her ass in the frame. He moves the camera away, but then goes back to it. So wtf, fuck seriously. You know, i dont want to feel like this, maybe im over reacting, but im gonna ask him about it tomorrow, and my stomach is hurting again. I duno, maybe he was just following her and it happened to be a closeup of her butt, its possible, and i dont see why he would record that knowing i would watch it later. But i am gonna ask him about it. I still feel like crap. It's funny cuz i know ant loves me, but i dont think he will ever really want to commit. He loves being with his friends and playing video games, i mean i guess im the same way, but sometimes i feel like i could totally be with him the rest of my life and start a family, and im not sure if he feels that. I think he does, eventually, but hes not obviously thinking about it. I don't know why im thinking about it, but i guess its wut girls do, they think ahead to a future. I don't want to go to work. I asked ant once if he ever could like dani, and he was like umm yea i guess. I guess i asked it becuz i felt like he could like her more then a friend, even tho he never showed signs to. I feel pretty crappy right now. I'm gonna try and sleep, but i have a feeling its gonna be unsuccessful. comment

**noo soo heres the deal [05 Jul 2008|03:08pm] [ mood | happy ] Apparantly matt and his vegetarian did break up, for like an hour or w/e, his gf drove all the way up from pennsylvania to make him change his mind, well im not sure exactly who broke up with who, but if she drove up to see him, im sure it was him having the doubts. So yesterday was the 4th of July. I hung out with Dani, Scott, Ant, Dan, Dave and some other peoples. Dani was a lil depressed about the whole Matt thing, but im trying to keep her busy. I think its best if she doesnt see him, but she doesnt want to do that :\ . We played poker, blackjack, baseball, and ate cuz it was a bbq. Then later that night we went to see the fireworks at the oval, which were cut short cuz of the rain and we suspected someone got hurt. Then we went to applebees and then home. It was a fun day. Oh i got my period yesterday and i even had a frigen pad on, and it went through a little, Thankfully no one noticed, otherwise I would have been so embarassed. So I went home real fast and got changed, no one noticed, I just said I went to visit my neighbors, which I did because my parents were over there for a bbq. Today is my grandma's bbq at her home. Fun stuff :( I don't want to go at all, blah, oh well. I can't wait to see Ant for some reason :) comment

whoa whoa whoa whoa [03 Jul 2008|08:40am] My dad must have heard wrong, cuz they are def still together...hes such a dork, and matts making a mistake comment

omg so tired** [03 Jul 2008|08:32am] [ mood | Happy, yet tired ] [ music | Shake it, Metro Station ] I went to sleep at like 1:30, i was trying to upload my video onto youtube, which i was able to do, but i think i can get a better quality, so im gonna try that later. Grrr i want to sleep :( I auditioned yesterday. It went good. They asked me to sing bippidiboppidyboo and Tale as old as time. I told them i would come up for the performances on the 15th and 16th, even though i go down to Cape May on the 10th. OMG, my mom just told me Matt broke up with Mindy. Wtf, i was with Danielle all last night and she just totally didnt mention that. Maybe she forgot or she didn't want to say it in front of Steve. Hmmm, she must be pretty excited ;). No surprise tho, Mindy seems a little airish. And Danielle has 3 years more on Matt, i think they should get back together. :) :) :) Off to workkkkkkkkkkkkkkk :( :( :( comment

grr*** [02 Jul 2008|08:39am] [ mood | sleepy ] Karen is off the next 2 days, so yay i get to work with megan :\ ...Ant hung out we me yesterday, we watched I am Legend, it was good, everyone said the ending would shock you, i kinda liked it, i thought it was okay, and it didnt really shock me. I might do the auditions tonite for the play, well im gonna atleast go and check it out anyway. comment

***macadacalaccken :\ [01 Jul 2008|08:35am] [ mood | tired ] Umm lol, I was editing my film me and Danielle made, its coming pretty awesum ;) .... Tonight is auditions for Ricky's new play, but i wont be able to do one of the performances on one of the weeks, so not sure if i should even audition, im gonna go and see what he says tho. I woke up this morning at 5:20, the 5 looked like a 9 to me, and i was like fuck i overslept, then i looked closer and i was like oh thank god, but then i had trouble falling back to sleep, so im deaddddddddddd tireddddddddd :( ..dont want to go to work :( :( :( comment

library sux :( *** [30 Jun 2008|08:45am] [ mood | hoping for work to end fast ] Off to work again, im gonna have to write everything that happened with my job so far, bah. I really dont want to see Megan, hopefully shes off today or sumthin, please let her be off. After work im gonna go help my dad with my grandma, he wants me too, so i said ill help. My grandma is a mess, she like refuses to use the crutcher and she falls down all the time. Last time she fell down she broke her hip, so ouchiez, but she still wont use the crutcher lol. comment

**eh [29 Jun 2008|04:19pm] [ mood | just sick of all the fighting ] my parents were fighting again all day. It makes me feel so sad. I didn't tell Ant or anyone tho, he was out with his friends and theres nuttin he can do. I think im gonna get my own apartment or something, maybe in jersey city so i'll be closer to school. That would be pretty cool. comment

hangover :\ a lil... [29 Jun 2008|11:55am] [ mood | sore ] So my body feels pretty sore from last night, not so much a headache tho which is good. Scott said they arent playing baseball, no surprise there, so im sure Ant is gonna do something else with them. Last night before i went to sleep, I remembered something that happened, i had forgotten about it. I remembered once when Ant went to go play poker with them and i didnt really want to go, but he was there already. And he was like well i dont want to play if your not here, and hes like im leaving. I kept telling him not to leave lol, but he wouldnt listen to me. So we met up i think at like Taco Bell. I really didnt feel like going out that night, but i did for him. Maybe I've just become so used to hanging out with him pratically everyday, that that is why im having a hard time getting over it. Cuz i know when we first started it wasnt like that. In fact he got mad at me once cuz all i wanted to do was play poker all day on a saturday. But now that i'm used to just seeing him, he wants to go see his friends. So my point is, i think i just got so accustomed to it. If he hangs out with his friends today i guess i'll just go to danis and chill and watch the movie. I'm kinda bored right now. I dont feel like playing xbox or the sims. Dani said the day of Gina's party that she got bored with the sims after 10 minutes of playing so she didnt go, cuz she knew it was gonna be a bad day. Lol maybe today is a bad day for me. I hope Ant invites me to hang out, cuz i kinda want to be with him, but i dont want to tell him that cuz i dont want him to feel like he has to invite me. Asdklfjsllalksjksk, umm i felt bad for dani. Her ex assboyfriend Matt told her he was gonna come to the party yesterday. She even asked him like a couple days or a week before and he was like yup ill be there. Saturday rolls around, and all of sudden his new girlfriend is back in town, so im sure you can guess who he chose to see. She didn't seem upset, but thats danielle. She hides things, and i know she was. Hell i was upset lol. Ant says he doesnt like when i get mad and pout. I guess i do that alot, like if im mad or sad my face shows it. I think i only do it cuz i want someone to be like, whats wrong?. Ant would rather ignore me when i do that, not cuz he doesnt care, i just think all guys are like that, like they dont know wut to do , so they do nothing lol. I told him ill try not to do that anymore. But sometimes i cant help it, like if its just one of those days. My mom went to tap class, she seems happier. Last week when she went, my dad didnt even ask how it went. And she was upset the rest of the day. I feel bad for her sometimes, cuz i can understand how she feels. She just wants someone to love her and be considerate for her, just like she is for everyone else. I don't think i'm much of a help either. I mean i knew enough to ask her how the class went, unlike my stupid dad. But i dont really help much around the house. I've gotten better tho, like i cleaned my whole room by myself when Anna came. And during holidays i try to help cook. But to be honest i think i only ever started doing this when i started dating Ant. I kinda wanted to become more domestic. I duno i guess i thought he wouldnt like me if he thought i was lazy and played poker all day lol. I'm glad i changed though. I'm alot happier then i was a year ago. comment

fun*** [29 Jun 2008|12:22am] [ mood | pensive ] So i went to henry's grad party, was pretty cool, dani kept makin me cosmos and margaritas and other yummy stuff, i was pretty much drunk for most of the party. At the end of the night i was sober tho. I got Ant to go swimming, i think he know he liked. Erin was pretty cool, we had that one little thing where i told her to stop singing on New Years Eve, but she was cool, we got along fine. And Cory is pretty cool too. For half the party tho i swam with Hayley and her friend Alyssa, they are frign funny lol. Tomorrow im gonna go play baseball with Ant Scott and others, i told ant that if they do anything else ill hang with dani. Me and dani were gonna watch the movie Definently Maybe and just chill. Im trying to let Ant know he can hang with his friends. I mean some times i wish he would rather want to hang with me, but I think its better if he goes out, cuz then he'll miss me and want to come see me. My mom always says, absense makes the heart grow fonder. Gonna go play some Rainbow on xbox, booya ;) comment

so cute*** [28 Jun 2008|12:17am] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Last Name : Carrie Underwood ] So after i made jello shots with dani, and danced to soulja boy and hairspray, i went home and called ant. He was playin poker with the guys, and i told him wut time party was and said bye. And he texts me i love you. I was like awww, i love you too, just didnt want to say it in front of your buddies, and hes like i know ;) ....i duno that made my day :D :D :D comment

***a lil better [27 Jun 2008|08:01pm] [ mood | stressed ] Me and Ant hung out, and i started crying. I told him exactly how i felt and that it felt like he changed. He even admitted he felt like he changed. And we went back to his house and discussed everything that ever annoyed us or made us angry. And it was good, i felt relieved, i hope he did too. I felt the best i had in a few days. So we are both gonna try and just be considerate of each other, i think we both just got caught up in our own emotions we forgot about the other. I told him i dont mind if you want to hang out with your friends, but id like to know if your going to. So he said that was fine. And I want to have a date night at least once a week, which was Megans idea, after she told me to give him space :\ ...Ant even said thats the last time i tell scott anything, cuz scott tells the whole world other peoples problems. Yea and then we had sex lol. It was really good, its the first time it didnt hurt at all. I guess we had sex only like 3 or 4 times before, some not so successful as the others, but i was just like amazed cuz it didnt hurt anymore. It feels different tho, not a bad different, but different. I'm waiting for danielle to call me, we are gonna make jello shots, my parents are screaming at the top of their lungs for about a half hour now, and i cant take it. I feel sick to my stomach again. No wonder i have so much stress in my life. Calming down and not letting things bother me is not my strong point. I just wish the fighting would stop. comment

fuck* [27 Jun 2008|02:07pm] [ mood | nauseated ] So scott tells everyone everything, he told dan about our fight, and he told megan that ant needs some space. So megan made me go to lunch with her, and she grilled me for like about a half hour about how i need to give him some space and get my own friends. She kept banging her hand on the table, i swear i wanted to smack her, and scott needs to shut his mouth for once in his life. I was talking on the phone with ant, and he asked if i wanted to do something, and he says he has nothing else to do. I said i dont want you to hang out just for the hell of it or because you have nothing else better to do, hes like i didnt mean it like that. But then y say that, i get the feeling im just gonna get blown off alot. I just wish i never ever dated at all, it would be so much easier. comment

ooo...*** [27 Jun 2008|09:33am] I weighed myself and i lost 6 lbs, soo yea, im gonna stick to this diet. comment

*** um [26 Jun 2008|10:03pm] So me and ant were supose to go bowling, but then hes like john is playing poker, so i was like fine. I was ready at like 9 pm waiting till 10, ant slept thru, if i didnt call him he wouldnt have woken up, so he didnt want to go. I'm not mad, it jus sux cuz i got all dressed up, i even did my hair differently, well so much for that. comment

bah [26 Jun 2008|07:51pm] [ mood | drained ] [ music | What hurts the most , Rascal Flatts ] So it just occurred to me while i was in the shower, what happens when i get old and ugly. Ant told me he'd love me either way, but like if he wanted a break from such a stupid fight, wut if he'll want to break up wen im like just disgusting. :( My poor grandma, i never want to get that old, it scares me, and i never want to be like my mom either, all she does is fight with my dad, my dad puts up with it, but if i ever turned into my mom, ant would totally leave me. What if i do turn into her, who the fuck would want me. I'm to scared to mess up, wtf is wrong with me. I should have become a nun, they all seem so happy, i wonder if they really are. Im not even sure if i believe in God, i mean i do, its just i duno, i stopped going to church awhile ago because the idea of God is a nice belief but it seems so unreal. I will choose to believe in him though. Me and my mom were watchin Crossing over with john edwards on sunday. I told her if she ever dies, im gonna ask him to speak to her, and all i want is a yes or a no answer, to find out if God truly exists. Maybe ghosts can't talk about heaven, like they are sworn to secrecy. I do believe in ghosts and an afterlife. It's weird, Ant seems to completely forgotten our fight, he acts like nothing happened. I dunno, i still just feel hurt, sometimes i feel like a piece of my heart is gone. Its stupid, but maybe there are some things you just cant forgive and forget. Most guys move on easily. I read this book that depicts what your feeling and your personality based on your handwriting. It said if you bring a ling under your name going towards the left, that means you live in the past. I never thought of it like that, but maybe i do, maybe i dwell on things to much. Its funny cuz i only ever right in this journal mostly when im upset, or like really really happy. That book also said if you put a curvy line over your t's then your a true romantic...which i am. I told Ant i didnt really want to go with his friends to dinner on friday. It's just i feel so depressed sometimes, i dont think i can fake nice. I mean, i want to go, i would love to go any other time, but 2 days after our fight i still just feel hopeless. comment

thank god for danielle [26 Jun 2008|05:05pm] [ mood | surprisingly good ] So i went to danielle's house, and we talked about everything. And i just feel so much better now. Danielle can always calm me down, i think its cuz shes always so calm. I hate that shes feeling so depressed too and i wish i could make her feel better, but theres not much i can do :( besides to just be her friend and listen. love love love love dani :) i lied to my mom about eating at her house, i think im just gonna not eat lunch or breakfast anymore, or like anything, i dont care if im hungry, i want to lose weight comment

**hmm [26 Jun 2008|12:14pm] [ mood | indescribable ] Me and ant made up. I let my nerves get the best of me. I had a panick attack. My whole body tensed up and i couldnt move my hands or legs. It felt like they fell asleep, that tingly feeling, yet i couldnt move them, it was the worst feeling in the world. All we were doing was talking about everything, but he would say i love you and im not breaking up with you, but then he would say, but we have to work together or this wont work, sumthin like that. Just the idea of it not working out and the fact that i believe theres a chance he would break up with me if i messed up again scares the crap out of me. But now im scared to death to do anything wrong. My stomach keeps hurting like ive done something terrible. This was our first real fight in 8 months, and even though we made up i feel like crap. I never meant to hurt him, but yet i feel hurt too. And i know he loves me, but i just feel like its a fine line, like any little thing would make him snap and be like omg leave me alone. And that would kill me inside. Scott says he just needs space, and i get that, but that kinda hurts me too. I feel like i could see him everyday and be fine, but he doesnt feel the same way anymore. My mom told me to never let anyone get me this upset, but im such a stupid idiot. I have to be strong, and i wont fight with him, i just hope i dont stay depressed. It's weird because i never thought ant would ever break up with me. Thats sorta why i dated him. I knew he wouldn't be the type of guy to just take me for granted and give up on the relationship, but now i dont know. Sometimes all i ever wanted him to do was grab me and kiss me. You know like in the movies when people fight and then they end up kissing. But instead he would just leave or walk away. He would say i wont fight with you. But i was never looking for a fight, i think i was just looking to know he would do anything for me, yano, like i want him to want to fight for me or even beg for me. Bridget Jones's wanted her man to muster the strength to fight for her. They loved eachother in the movie, yet they had problems too. Is it impossible for 2 people to love eachother without ever fighting. I just wish i was strong enough to not care, cuz love fucking hurts lol... comment

:( [25 Jun 2008|03:40pm] [ mood | sick ] This morning i called out from work. I couldn't go and see scott and dan. I'd start to cry, not much of a difference since im crying now anyway. It hurts so bad when someone you loves tells you they dont want to see you for the rest of the week. I feel broken. It really hurts, i cant eat at all, i feel like im gonna throw up. And it hurts more to think hes not crying at all. On sunday ant went to play blackjack with scott and dan. He didnt call me, i duno, i felt angry. I dont get how i can call him if i do anything and he doesnt call me. I know we've been fighting alot, but he thinks im doing it purposely. I duno y i need to be reassured that he loves me , but i do. And i dont want to have to ask him to want to do somethin for me, i want him to think of it on his own. Like plan 1 romantic night, anything. I would do it for him. Danielle loves matt, yet she called it off with him. How can two people who love eachother fail so badly at keeping a relationship. I dont belive anymore that its possible for two people to love eachother to the day they die. Sometimes i feel like i have so much emotion that ill just explode. And that makes me want to kill myself. Because i cant take the pain. I wish i could be like those girls that dump guys without a care in the world, they have such strong personalities. But how can you not care? How can people treat eachother so badly. Why do some guys cheat, do they have no emotions wutsover. Same goes for girls. I was spiteful to ant. I hung out with elaina and john because he hung out with his friends. But the truth is it hurt me that he didnt invite me. And he doesnt even know it. He doesnt understand it. When we first started dating he wanted to spend all his time with me. Now i feel like he'd rather be with his friends. Its funny cuz when he wanted to spend all his time with me, i kept telling him to spend some time with his friends, yet he didnt. I know that he does, i just feel hurt. And i know i shouldnt feel hurt, but when he doesnt call me to let me kno, i feel left out and just heartbroken. So that night i went to elainas and i made plans to go see the happening with john the next day, which was awesum movie. He doesnt get it, i never see my friends anymore cuz id rather be with him. But i wanted to show him that if hes gonna go see his friends without me, then im gonna see my friends too. I think i hurt him, but it wasnt meant to hurt him, i just wanted him to understand how i feel when he does it to me. But instead he just decided we need a break. A break will eventually lead to a break up, and my heart cant take that. So i dont even know what to do. I love him so much, but i cant talk or call him cuz i feel like it will hurt to much. My dad thinks its my fault. He was sad for me, but hes on ant's side. My mom was like, well hes a good kid, but if he breaks your heart ill hate him, lol, my moms great. I dont know what ill do if anyone close to me dies, i feel like i would just die of heartbreak. Ive heard people can die of that. Maybe its that your so depressed you body doesnt want to live anymore. I feel like it wont ever be the same again. I'm gonna try to hard now, cuz i dont want him to get mad, and then im not gonna even be myself. So it would be a fake relationship, right? I never told ant this, but he definently saved my life. I was so sick of life before i met him. I used to think of committing suicide all the time. And the funny thing is, i never did because i was afraid of what people might think, not because i didnt want to. So typical me, i care more about wut others think then about how i really feel. Thats y im so nice, i cant take arguments, otherwise my stomach is so painful. My stomach feels like its gonna explode it hurts so bad. I hate fighting and i hate feeling this way. I use to pray that people we're reencarnated, cuz i was scared of dying, i cant imagine not being able to think anymore and not being on earth, its a weird feeling. But now i think one life is enough, you only get one chance in life, but how can you live life when it hurts so much sometimes. comment

LOVE *** [25 Nov 2007|11:01pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | Because you loved me, Celine Deon ] So, a couple days ago Ant bought me a diamond necklace, so sweet, and ive been thinking i love him, so the day before yesterday he was playing on nintendo ds and types I <3 you, and i was like is that heart? or love? and he didnt answer he just blushed, so i said dont worry about it u dont have to answer, and that was all. So yesterday i took him to go look at kitties cuz i wanted to get him 2 kittens for christmas and we love these 2 ones named Kit and Kat, so wen we came bak to his aprtment we started making out, and he goes, i need to talk to you, so im like ok yea wuts up, hes like, i think im falling in love with you, i just hugged and kissed him and said i love you too, and i started to cry, so did he, it was so sweet, i really do love him, and this is making me cry cuz i love him so much it hurts, and i really dont want this to get fucked up, cuz he just means so much to me =) he said he wanted to tell me on thanksgiving, but he was to nervous, he loved thanksgiving, we went to Johny's house and they have the mansion with the hi def big screen tvs and they had football on, and the pool table and the bentley car, ant was like omg i love this place lol, it was cute, but yea, not right now obv, but eventually i want to marry him, i love him so much :) .(1).comment

Doots is an idiot ** but i luv him [06 Nov 2007|07:54pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | cough cough :( ] percybabyblue16 (10:51:34 AM): do u have to be 21 to serve drinks? NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:51:40 AM): 18 percybabyblue16 (10:51:49 AM): that sucks if ure 18 lol percybabyblue16 (10:51:52 AM): to serve to others percybabyblue16 (10:51:56 AM): but u cant drink shit lol NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:51:58 AM): haha ur such an alcoholic percybabyblue16 (10:52:01 AM): lmaoooo percybabyblue16 (10:52:16 AM): nooo percybabyblue16 (10:52:21 AM): alcoholics drink on their own percybabyblue16 (10:52:27 AM): ive only ever drank with friends and family NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:52:31 AM): uuh huh percybabyblue16 (10:52:42 AM): no that would make u the alcoholic NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:52:49 AM): umm...haha...oops percybabyblue16 (10:52:52 AM): lmaooo NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:52:54 AM): i think i might have a problem NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:53:12 AM): you should actually drink a shot of whiskey, that might help your sore throat percybabyblue16 (10:53:14 AM): goo to AA percybabyblue16 (10:53:20 AM): realy? NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:53:31 AM): YOU SHOULD JUST GET TRASHED RIGHT NOW AND GO TO BED AND THAT WILL MAKE U FEEL BETTER! percybabyblue16 (10:53:39 AM): ha ha ha NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:53:45 AM): they used to use whiskey to help babies with toothaches NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:54:04 AM): its all natural and better than using advil or tylenol because they have chemicals in it percybabyblue16 (10:54:33 AM): hmm NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:54:40 AM): ddooo iittt percybabyblue16 (10:55:15 AM): lol percybabyblue16 (10:55:26 AM): ive learned to not listen to things u tell me to do NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:55:32 AM): WHAT??!?!!?!?! percybabyblue16 (10:55:38 AM): NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:55:45 AM): THEN YOU HAVENT LEARNED SHIT! percybabyblue16 (10:55:54 AM): lmaoo NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:55:55 AM): HAVENT U LEARNED YET THAT I'M ALWAYS RIGHT! percybabyblue16 (10:56:00 AM): hah percybabyblue16 (10:56:03 AM): o u were bein serious NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:56:11 AM): mfsoabb percybabyblue16 (10:56:32 AM): percybabyblue16 (10:56:40 AM): do u think im mean? NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:56:49 AM): yes percybabyblue16 (10:56:51 AM): fk u percybabyblue16 (10:56:55 AM): i take it personal NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:56:59 AM): lmao u asked NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:57:02 AM): GOOD! NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:57:25 AM): would u take it personal if I punched you in the face? NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:57:36 AM): you shouldnt percybabyblue16 (10:58:00 AM): lol percybabyblue16 (10:58:02 AM): lmaooo percybabyblue16 (10:58:22 AM): would u take it personal if i kicked u in the balls percybabyblue16 (10:58:27 AM): cuz u should NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:58:35 AM): i would take it as you want me NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (10:59:08 AM): coz its the closest you will ever get to what I got (and what you want) percybabyblue16 (10:59:39 AM): lmaoooooooooooooooo percybabyblue16 (10:59:46 AM): omg im laughing my throat hurts more NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (11:00:21 AM): well thats wut u get for putting thngs in your mouth that dont belong there percybabyblue16 (11:00:29 AM): omgggggg percybabyblue16 (11:00:41 AM): no comment NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (11:00:56 AM): percybabyblue16 (11:01:48 AM): so wen u gonna get a gf NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (11:01:59 AM): when women stop being pains in the asses percybabyblue16 (11:02:11 AM): hmm percybabyblue16 (11:02:16 AM): gl wit that NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (11:02:32 AM): and stop being bloodsucking, evil, stupid, trashy, immature control freaks percybabyblue16 (11:03:04 AM): o ic NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (11:03:18 AM): in short to answer ur question...never percybabyblue16 (11:03:32 AM): ull die a virgin NIGHTCRAWLER3014 (11:03:44 AM): eh comment

anger? maybe [05 Nov 2007|09:16am] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | Love Song, Sarah Bareilles ] So me ant is to nervous to do anything like me doin anythin to him, so we jus kiss and he does some stuff to me, but he says hes to nervous wenever i try to do anythin to him down there, i guess ill jus have to take it slow, slow is good tho and i dont want to rush him I got mad at him yesterday cuz we had been kissin and sorta grinding together, and he came rite, and about 2 minutes after he goes its gettin late i have work in the morning, i duno y it jus made me mad, so i shut tv off put my socks back on and was like ok, i kinda like made him leave house, and he knew i was mad but he didnt really try to find out wut was wrong, i guess i just wanted him to like grab me and hug me and be like please tell me whats wrong, but he didnt, so he left without me sayin a word to him. When he got home he went on aim, it took him like 20 minutes to im me, and it took every ounce of me to not im him first, so finally he goes are you gonna tell me why your upset now, so i said you should get some rest you have work tomorrow, he goes you cant leave me like this :( , that jus made my heart sink, the thing is i like him to much, i kno if anything happened to us id be heartbroken, that scares me, so i told him y i was mad, and he said im sorry, i didnt realize, it wasnt meant like that..so we ok i told him to get some rest i want to see him now, god i suck lol, i dont want to be mad at him, and i dont want to hurt him, but i dont want to get hurt either, blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh comment

*** in love [02 Nov 2007|05:50pm] [ mood | fucking happy as hell ] [ music | Paramore: Misery Business ] ok, so i havent updated in forever, omgggg so here goes me and steve stopped the friends with benifits, he came down shore with me, we jus hung out and stuff, wen i got back i was scared to death that i had an std cuz i had bumps and itchyness, long story short turned out bumps was from shaving and itchyness i had gotten a yeast infection, so i went to gynecologist for first time in my life, it was weird, but such a relief lol i was like omg only i would have oral fucking twice in my whole life and get an std, just my luck ritee, but im ok now lol <3 Ant <3 we used to go to highschool, but he came up from florida late august rite after my vacation and we hooked up. I couldnt stop thinking about him, he went back to florida :( we talked every single day, he got a job interview in jersey, so he moved up from jersey and is staying with dan at the moment. He got the job, thank god :) and hes movin out of dans house in a week, he has his own apartment, and we are datingggggg, and i really think im in love. Maybe im jumping the gun, but i never felt this way about steve, i alwys had doubts with steve, but ant i dont, he bought me roses on our first official date and took me to really nice restaraunt, he jus seems to go out of his way for me :) steve never did that for me, i duno, and hes just perfect, personality wise we just fit, next week we will have been dating for a month, we had our first official date on October 13th, friday, and the day before he asked me to be his girlfriend :) ill give it a lil more time before i let my feelings get the best of me, but i dont see how he could do anything wrong to hurt me, i like him to much, and hes not a scumbag like most guys, hes completely mineee ;) awww k we goin out tonite i should get ready :) comment

Cinderella [27 Jul 2007|12:22am] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | Heatwave , the Supremes ] So ive been doin the play Cinderella, i play the queen. Omg i luv it, i was so worried before about not having a king to do the part, cuz the original king quit and then they couldnt find someone, and then they found Edmund, and i absolutely love workin wit him, i thought i would be nervous, but im not hes really cool, hes a film student too and i duno i jus like working with him hes a cool guy Today was opening night, i didnt miss a line at all or forget anything, it was great, o and dani's mom said i was amazing, and coming from her, that means alot to me :) i was like omg lmaoo 2 more nights, good luck me :) comment

umm retrospect [17 Jun 2007|01:55am] so, ive been sick, i called out from work twice, Jerry was mad, but wuts he expect me to do come to work with 2 big boxes of tissues glued to my side, NOT~ umm ive been re-readin Harry Potter books, i absolutely cannot wait for the movie and the last book. To be honest tho im more excited about the movie because it looks really good and i dont want the series to end with only 7 books. i was reading some of my old journal entries and ive changed soo much, its weird to read things i would never remember esp things that meant so much to me at the time, im glad ive had this journal, ill never forget wut it was like to be in highschool and i wont forget how it was like to be in college now that im in it, God im already a Junior next year IN COLLEGE, wtf, i remember wen i was a junior in highschool, years go fast, real fast comment

*** woot [02 Jun 2007|08:19am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | ~~ Walk it Out ~~ ] Jordin Won ~ ok im happy, umm havent updated in awhile, sooo ive been hangin out with John more, hes still a loser, he tells me how all the little highschool girls flirt wit him, hes a sub, so now he has a big head I went to movies wit steve other day, it was cool, we jus friends, which is cool becuz i had told him i didnt want to be friends lol so i sorta changed my mind, and i was havin a tuff time gettin over him and i dont kno y, but now i think im cool wit it, if this make sense i feel like wen im friends wit him i can understand y we didnt work as a couple lol so it reminds me and im ok umm, ive been replaced for best friends lmaoo, normally my 3 best friends would be laina, dani, and alyssa, well i saw alyssa once in like past 4 months cuz shes always at school and now takin summer classes, laina has her new best friends from school, and dani has alot of new friends too, wtf i cant make any new friends at school, they all have hundreds, ive made friends, but none that i really hang out wit I have to call my sisters, have not hung out wit them in forever, umm ya, im going to the beach today if it does not rain, soo Woot ~ .(1).comment

theres sumthin wrong with me [13 Apr 2007|01:39am] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | I HOPE YOU DANCE ] i think im bipolar or sumthin, i cry all time and yet i can be super happy other times, i duno wut to do umm since yesterday i was cryin hysterically, i couldnt study for my test, so i jus never went to take it, w/e, she drops lowest grade alex is leaving work, he put in his 2 weeks notice, ima misss him, hes a sweet guy and always nice to me, as soon ask belkis leaves, im outa there, cant take the fkn job anymore .(1).comment

Go Jordin Sparks [11 Apr 2007|05:01pm] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | Stand, Rascal Flatts ] I told ryan I don't want to date rite now. John keeps sendin me pics of himself or elaina lol...he's a loser spanish is so boring and I get to study for stupid oceanography wen I get home...I hope david calls, I told him I was quittin poker...umm I hope sanjaya gets voted off american idol, but americans r idiots comment

*obviously* [09 Apr 2007|02:13pm] [ mood | barely awake ] [ music | Bless the Broken Road ] so, i dont want a bf, why would i want one, it jus wont work out anyway, plus i luv hanging out with my friends, and with work, school, and a bf i would barely have time for them, sooooooooo thats my decision lol even tho i sorta have a date already hah, errr hmm yesterday i broke down crying to david, yano hes such a good guy, thank god for him, he makes me feel 100% better .(3).comment

Dream [31 Mar 2007|01:05pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | dreams r weird ] Yesterday i dreamed that me, my mom, my dad, sheba (my new puppy), and this girl carla i used to kno, kno idea y she was in the dream, we were drivin somewhere, it was snowy and rainy and my mom was speeding and the car like completely skidded and turned backwards and we went flying down a hill into a wall at the edge of a cliff, then all of a sudden my mom and me were hanging off the cliff, dreams do that, no point, they jus flash to the worse parts. Sheba being the stupid puppy that she is was trying to come down to get us, both me and my mom tried grab her, i got her but my mom slipped and fell. It was one of those cliffs where its so far up u cant see the ground. Omg i woke up like crying and i had to go give my mom a hug lol... now today i dreamed that like i would throw heavy things at my mom and she still wouldnt listen to me, i would purposely try to hurt her and yet she would be like your wrong wtf im cryin wen my mom dies but wen shes living im hurting her purposely i think i kno wut they mean tho, its like my mom never listens to me or i cant tell her anything cuz she flips, so i lie, but like i still love her but she drives me fkn crazy, there i interpeted my two dreams lol .(1).comment

City Gal (mostly lol) [08 Feb 2007|02:24pm] [ mood | bitchy ] [ music | GCH: Take a look at my girlfriend ] How CITY are you? [x]I've been to Starbucks more than once in my life [x] I link arms when I walk with someone [x] I've shopped at AE, A&F, or HCO [] I own 2 or more polo shirts [x] I will never be caught without my cell phone [] I straighten or blow dry my hair on a daily basis total:4 [] I wear flipflops no matter what the weather [x] I own an oversized pair of sunglasses [.5x(dont wear them anymore tho)] I own 1 or more pairs of ripped jeans [x] I layer my shirts [x] have/had a "Myspace mirror pic" total: 3.5 [] When I'm not drinking starbucks I prefer water [] I get annoyed with tom-boys [x] I own an oversized bag or purse [.5x (ive watched many of them)] I have seen every episode of Laguna Beach [x] My new fav. is the Hills [x] I say "lol" in online chat [x] I own tight jeans total: 4 [] I wear large necklaces [x] I own an iPod/mp3 player [x] The internet = survival [x] One of the sports i played is football, Baseball/Softball, Basketball [x] have more than 1 AIM screen name total: 4 [x] have said "lol" or "OMG!" in a real conversation [x] I love shopping [] I shop whenever I have a chance [] I own a bathing suit that cost 100 dollars or more [x] I have watched the Simple Life total: 3 [.5x (he wasnt extremely small, but not big)] Owned a small dog [] have a little bag for your lil dog [.5x (does a jacket count lol)] your small dog wears outfits [] pink is your fav color [x] been told you are a princess or prince [] ever owned a lil sports car [] car is NEVER dirty [x] Shopped at Ikea [x] been told you only like that because it was the most expensive total: 4 *add x's and multiply by 3 and put I'm % City* 70.5% City ------------------------------------------------------------------------ How COUNTRY Are You? Have you... [x] ridden a horse [.5x (grandparents owned a farm w/ horses)] owned a horse [.5x] owned land.. [] been 4 wheeling [x] said "ain't" [] been cow-tipping [] been deer hunting [x] been swimming in a lake [x] caught a fish [] seen a deer get skinned total: 5 You... [] have worked on a ranch or on land [.5x (grandparents)] have lived in a house in the middle of nowhere [] have been duck hunting [] have went swimming in a river [] driven a truck [] own a rebel flag [] like to fish [] have a funny accent [] owned a pair of cowboy boots [x]own/owned a cowboy hat [x] own/have owned a big dog [x] say/said "y'all" [] have gotten made fun of for sayin "y'all" total: 3.5 You also... [x] cuss when you're mad [] have dipped/dip snuff [x] go to church on sunday [] owned/own a bird [] have riddin a horse to somewhere in town [] have gone on a field trip to a farm/ranch [] have eaten deer meat [] have shot a gun [] own a gun [] parked your vehicles in the yard [] have eaten chitlins [] have eaten liver total: 2 You... [] have gone shopping...for a gun []get the kids in your family a toy gun for christmas []wear long sleeves even in the summer [x] know what stirrups are [] have fed the deer [] had dog named Bociefus total: 1 *add x's and multiply by 3 and put I'm % Country 34.5 % Country Hey it almost exactly evens out... it makes sense since half my family lives in farmland area and i live only like 15-20 min away from the City (NYc) ~ .(1).comment

Just woke up ** [07 Feb 2007|10:05am] [ mood | confused ] [ music | P.O.M. - Blurry (miss u xtina) ] So i had a dream, i decided to write it down otherwise ill forget it So I it was me meeting my birth mom. She had a boyfriend in the dream and it was weird cuz i saw her and i knew she was there but i was ignoring her, and she was waiting for me to notice her but i just wouldnt look at her. Then she came up to me and said who she was, i dont remember exactly what i said but it was sumtin like i dont know you, your not my mom. Then i woke up.... I also had another dream not to long ago that i killed Paris Hilton and her little dog and I was on wanted posters for murder, lol (no joke), does that make there sumthin wrong with me ? .(2).comment

procrastination [07 Feb 2007|02:02am] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | Men are from Mars ] y do i procrastinate, my work just builds up and up until im stuck doing everything *crunch time* asdkfjwelkjl.... *Men are from mars, Women are from Venus* -Men go into caves, they try to figure everything out on their own, dont like to share it, hold it in, push people away, even ones they love because they are afraid of commitment or afraid to get too emotional, the fact that they might actually love someone so much scares them -Women go into wells, they are like waves. They eventually crash (break down) , and then they are happy again, they are emotionally unstable in this matter, and men dont seem to realize that by telling them how to fix the problems they have or to esp tell them DONT LET IT BOTHER YOU ,, WHAT DOES IT MATTER,, YOUR STILL LETTING IT GET TO YOU... DOESNT HELP read the book, i swear its so true .(2).comment

*WTF [04 Feb 2007|04:23pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | Its a bNb cafe, not a starbucks ] lol ok, so yesterday, (i work at a barnes and nobles cafe *like a starbucks*) and i made this lady a caramel machiato, the idiot bitch goes to the condement bar, opens it up, prob stirs it w/e, puts lid back on wrong, makes it spill on her hand, comes back to me saying LOOk WHAt YOu DId To Me , she said the drink was too hott and that it was filled way too much to the top............ 1.) It was the temperature we are told to make it 2.) She put the goddamn lid on wrong 3.) You're paying $4 for a drink and u want there to be room in the cup??? so fk her, she filed an accident report, lol and the manager took it, but she was laughing about it later, it wasnt my fault and the lady could do nothing about it pretty much. And ya her hand was red, so what, big deal, i grabbed the grill once while workin there, and i spill coffee on my hands all the time, does it burn, hell ya, lol, but itll get better w/i 15 minutes, its not like she truly burnt her hand like i did when i grabbed the stupid grill (cuz im an idiot and wasnt payin attention lol) Anyway, happy thoughts, woot Go BEARS ! i dont even like football lol but gotta root for a team for the superbowl .(4).comment

Ladi Dee Ladi Dahh ~ [02 Feb 2007|11:56pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Im blue daba dee daba dahh.. lol ] Hmm, yesterday i went out to eat w/ steve, and we were just talking and stuff. It was hard for me at first to be just friends with him, even tho technically we both came to a decision to break up (mutual) i still missed him. I think I missed it more cuz it was different w/o him. It's weird going from worrying about when we gonna hangout, scheduling time around eachother's schedules, wut we gonna do, stuff like that. Now i do what i want wen i want w/o any i guess u can say (baggage) lol, but he wasnt that, im jus using it as a term. I did like him, just everything with my mom and my friends made it hard. My mom used to talk about him all the time and didnt trust him, and he used to say my mom is controlling *which she is most of the time* lol , but we were just very different. I'm glad we are friends, i got over that stage now and im ok, woot lol , {its a good thing considering we work together} :P comment

Me and Elaina havin Convo w/ John [31 Jan 2007|09:29pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Mixed Nuts ] percybabyblue16: LOSER NIGHTCRAWLER3014: WTF? Auto response from percybabyblue16: I am away from my computer right now. percybabyblue16: hi, i mean percybabyblue16: hey wanna come over elainas? NIGHTCRAWLER3014: wtf? percybabyblue16: im ling ling rite now, me justine and elaina hang out percybabyblue16: ling ling says come ova NIGHTCRAWLER3014: ur stoned arent you? percybabyblue16: im stoned on mr wang and cream of sum yung guy percybabyblue16: come to elainas and hang out for like an hour, u can cum in ure pjs if u want NIGHTCRAWLER3014: umm no thnx NIGHTCRAWLER3014: im good percybabyblue16: do u not care about us anymore NIGHTCRAWLER3014: u make it seem like i ever did NIGHTCRAWLER3014: O:-) percybabyblue16: so i guess those sleepless nights in cape may meant nuttin to u NIGHTCRAWLER3014: what make u think i didnt sleep? NIGHTCRAWLER3014: lol percybabyblue16: nailpolish? NIGHTCRAWLER3014: slept like a baby percybabyblue16: or maybe cuz me and elaina sandwitched u in bed percybabyblue16: but u were sleepin then too, so i guess u never knew NIGHTCRAWLER3014: i guess even the 2 of u put together arent that good in bed percybabyblue16: Wasnt mr wang sore in the mornin, and u didnt kno why NIGHTCRAWLER3014: i dunno who mr wang is percybabyblue16: think about it percybabyblue16: dont hurt yourself NIGHTCRAWLER3014: i kno wut u think ur talking about but trust me the only ones who wooda been sore woodve been u NIGHTCRAWLER3014: ;-) percybabyblue16: no we're loosey goosey NIGHTCRAWLER3014: after that night maybe NIGHTCRAWLER3014: 8-) percybabyblue16: ure all talk and no show johnny percybabyblue16: cum over we waitin for u mr wang NIGHTCRAWLER3014: u gotta b VIP to see wut i got percybabyblue16: we're mvps bitch percybabyblue16: nigga bitch NIGHTCRAWLER3014: nah i think ur virbrators deserve that title NIGHTCRAWLER3014: hahaha percybabyblue16: we have mr wang we dont need vibrators percybabyblue16: i mean virbrator NIGHTCRAWLER3014: HAHAHAHAHAHA NIGHTCRAWLER3014: so are u two the next Xtube.com stars? percybabyblue16: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uX5QiExJ-Hg NIGHTCRAWLER3014: OMG percybabyblue16: lol NIGHTCRAWLER3014: MMMYYYYY EEEEEEYYYYYYYYEEEEEEESSSSSS NIGHTCRAWLER3014: THEY BURN!!!!! percybabyblue16: u like it, well mr wang does NIGHTCRAWLER3014: who is mr wang? i think u mean San Juan Antonio percybabyblue16: nooo mr wang is in rite now NIGHTCRAWLER3014: in what :-D percybabyblue16: in ling ling NIGHTCRAWLER3014: so do i get to suck on the tittie wit the tittie ring? percybabyblue16: ling ling dont know what your talkin about NIGHTCRAWLER3014: the video song percybabyblue16: no idea, are u ok johnny? NIGHTCRAWLER3014: wanna cyber? percybabyblue16: sure NIGHTCRAWLER3014: k u go first percybabyblue16: my flower wants to be watered by your hose percybabyblue16: im in my bed in my granny pannies NIGHTCRAWLER3014: uuh i juss came percybabyblue16: ure a fast won johnny percybabyblue16: one* NIGHTCRAWLER3014: i dont play around NIGHTCRAWLER3014: i get bored easy...im in im out im done percybabyblue16: i like a man that gets to the point NIGHTCRAWLER3014: goddamn how many friggen vids she got on this thing? percybabyblue16: lol percybabyblue16: she likes to workout percybabyblue16: your on it mr wang NIGHTCRAWLER3014: WHAT?! percybabyblue16: yes with a feather percybabyblue16: doin sumthin with it percybabyblue16: u like wen ling ling tickle yoo with feather NIGHTCRAWLER3014: what the fuck? NIGHTCRAWLER3014: when the hell was this? percybabyblue16: the night we slipped you a roofie percybabyblue16: we have the rest of the video in a vault somewhere NIGHTCRAWLER3014: probably coz i seriously dont remember percybabyblue16: lol NIGHTCRAWLER3014: i hear elaina and lisa in the background NIGHTCRAWLER3014: so this must b old percybabyblue16: ya like last year NIGHTCRAWLER3014: wtf were we doin percybabyblue16: like the last time we frgn saw u percybabyblue16: creating a softcore NIGHTCRAWLER3014: i serious dont remember this NIGHTCRAWLER3014: who the hell had the feather? percybabyblue16: ling ling NIGHTCRAWLER3014: that could b n e one percybabyblue16: elaina NIGHTCRAWLER3014: who is the guy in the background? percybabyblue16: had to be sergiohhhh percybabyblue16: actually go here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfBuRL_pb2Q percybabyblue16: its the black mr wang from cape may NIGHTCRAWLER3014: hahahaha NIGHTCRAWLER3014: i dont even have to look at it i kno wut it is percybabyblue16: u better wanna see black mr wang percybabyblue16: or he'll be upset NIGHTCRAWLER3014: he can suck it percybabyblue16: no no he likes to be sucked NIGHTCRAWLER3014: wow that was really gay NIGHTCRAWLER3014: ...(the video) percybabyblue16: hahah percybabyblue16: suck one of his tities percybabyblue16: 20 tities * NIGHTCRAWLER3014: i have nipples...can u milk me? percybabyblue16: i can try percybabyblue16: ling ling wants to try percybabyblue16: she can milk anything with nipples percybabyblue16: including her her fav dinner, cats NIGHTCRAWLER3014: hahahaha NIGHTCRAWLER3014: i think its adolph in the background percybabyblue16: dont know percybabyblue16: bye mr wang NIGHTCRAWLER3014: by slut baf NIGHTCRAWLER3014: bag* (no offense meant, we were acting stupid lol) .(3).comment

^%#~ vent [31 Jan 2007|03:39pm] If you dont vent, you'll just keep it all in and eventually go psycho on the wrong person, which i have done lol ...i missed blurty...its nice to vent, ill still keep some friends only tho, some dont need to kno my stupid vents :) .(1).comment

Take my quiz, gosh its so old [30 Jan 2007|11:05pm] Lol this the only quiz i ever made, but try it , its cute CLICK ~ ok no more procrastinating, must do work hah comment

Tommy Pickles biotch ;) [30 Jan 2007|10:53pm] What Nickelodeon cartoon do you belong in? You are cute and lovable and enjoy going on adventures! You belong in Rugrats! Take this quiz! comment

ahh fk [30 Jan 2007|10:36pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | PCD: Hott Stuff ] ok so i still havent done my homework lol, i am the worst procrastinator in the world, i watched Idol, i watched House, and then Denise called me so we talked for a good hour and a half. She's so sweet, shes like happy go lucky lol but i like talkin to her alot, especially when im not really sure what to say, cuz then she always says something to fill the space lol, im not the most talkative person, i talk wen i talk, but i gotta be in the mood, and im normally not a phone person either, but i do like talkin to her...ooo and i just found out im named after a verse from the bible, so thats cool cuz i never knew why i was named Justine before, its not the most common name, ok study time, adios .(1).comment

woot ^_^ [30 Jan 2007|07:56pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | American Idol Singers ] American Idol, is coming on in 5, 4, 3 2, 1... lol ok so its weird though I used to hate American Idol. I always said i would never watch it, and i would never support it, yet here i am waiting for it to start. My main reason for not watching it is because i dont like how they make fun of people, i think its cruel and evil, but the problem was i really like the singers that win. I absolutely love Kelly Clarkson and even Kelly Pickler and Chris Daughtry. So its hard for me to not want to watch it now, as hard as i tried to not agree with it and not like it, i want to watch it. I still dont agree with how they make fun of people, sometimes they are completely mean, weeee ok its on, lol comment

Sleep** [30 Jan 2007|08:06am] God, i want to sleep, but i have 9 am class, and i didnt do the work for it, lol i didnt do the work for the class after it, sigh, i wanna come home and go to sleep comment

Wow, so long time [29 Jan 2007|11:46pm] I'm gonna try and restart my journal, because well i have alot to talk about lol, right now i have to do homework, so i will post again later comment

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